Scott Pilgrim vs. The World (2010)

[bunniefuu]

Scott Pilgrim is

dating a high-schooler?

Really? Is she hot?

How old are you now,

Scott? Like, 28?

I'm not playing your

little games, kids.

So, you've been out of high

school for, like, 13 years.

I'm 22. Twenty-two.

And you're dating a high-school

girl. Not bad, not bad.

Thank you, thank you.

So, did you guys, like,

you know, do it yet?

We have done many things.

We ride the bus together.

And we have meaningful conversations

about how yearbook club went

and about her friends

and, you know, drama.

Have you

even kissed her?

We almost held hands once,

but then she got embarrassed.

Well, aren't you

pleased as punch.

I don't know what

you're talking about.

So, what's her name?

Knives Chau.

She's Chinese.

Wicked.

So, when do we

get to meet her?

Oh, please,

let it be soon.

That's for me.

Hi.

You promise to be good?

Of course I'll be good.

Seriously,

please be good.

Am I normally not?

Hey, Knives, this is Stephen

Stills. He's the talent.

Hey.

Is she gonna

geek out on us?

She'll just sit

in the corner, man.

I mean, I want her

to geek out on us.

She'll geek. She geeks.

She has the capacity to geek.

Okay.

You're good.

Wow.

Here, let me

get your coat.

Hi.

Knives, that's Kim.

Sorry,

what was your name?

Kim.

And you play the drums?

Yes.

That is so awesome.

Knives, that's Young Neil.

Hi.

Hi.

What do you play?

Wow, Zelda, Tetris.

That's kind of

a big question.

Okay, let's start

with Launchpad McQuack.

That's not

the actual title of the...

We are Sex Bob-Omb!

One, two, three, four!

Yeah, yeah

Yeah, yeah

Laminate the stasis

Mama, mama serpentine

I got a breathalyzer

And my body's clean

Yeah! Yeah!

Thank you!

Get ready

Yeah

Yeah, yeah

Yeah, yeah

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

Yeah!

You guys are so

amazing.

She seems nice.

Yeah.

Yeah, she seems awesome.

Yeah.

Scott, if your life had

a face, I would punch it.

Yeah. Wait, what?

I mean, are you really happy

or are you really evil?

Like, do I have ulterior

motives or something?

I'm offended, Kim.

Wounded, even?

Hurt, Kim.

You? Hurt?

Neil, you were saying

about "she seems awesome.' '

Yeah, she seems awesome.

Yeah.

Before you hear some dirty

lies from someone else,

yes, I'm dating

a 17-year-old.

Oh, is he cute?

Does this mean we have

to stop sleeping together?

You see another bed in here?

Yeah. You're totally

my bitch forever.

So, the whole 17-year-old thing,

don't tell too many people.

Hey, you know me.

I mean, don't tell my sister.

You know me.

Who are you texting?

Seventeen years old?

Scandal!

That's not true.

Who told you?

Wallace. Duh.

That gossipy bitch.

You know me.

Wallace!

Who is this

mystery child you date?

Her name's Knives Chau.

She's Chinese.

A 17-year-old Chinese

schoolgirl? You're ridiculous.

It's a Catholic school, too.

With the uniform

and everything?

Yeah. The whole deal.

Oh, my God.

You guys haven't...

No, no, no, no. We haven't

even held hands yet.

I think she hugged me once.

Scott,

why are you doing this?

I don't know. It's just nice,

you know? It's just simple.

It's been over a year

since you got dumped

by She-Who-Will-Not-Be-Named.

So...

Are you

legitimately moving on

or is this just

you being insane?

Can I get back

to you on that?

I do not wanna

be here at all.

This school

has boys, too.

I hate you. Even I would think

twice about dating a 17-year-old.

Well, she's only

allowed out

when the sun is up,

so I wouldn't call it dating.

It's more like...

Playtime?

That doesn't sound so good, either. No.

Scott!

Hey, Knives.

This is my cool, gay

roommate, Wallace Wells.

Hi.

He's gay.

Oh, do you wanna know

who in my class is gay?

Yes, does he wear glasses?

Wallace, you go now. Begone.

You're too good

for him. Run.

Get ready!

Here we go!

Did you know that the original

name for Pac-Man was Puck-Man?

You'd think it was because

he looks like a hockey puck,

but it actually comes from the

Japanese phrase "paku-paku,"

which means, "to flap one's

mouth open and closed.' '

They changed it

because they thought that

"Puck-Man" would be

too easy to vandalize.

You know,

people could just scratch off

the "P" and turn it

into an "F" or whatever.

Oh, my God! Like, wow!

Combo!

Yeah. Wow.

Continue?

Nine, eight, seven,

six, five, four,

three...

Oh, I got it.

... two, one.

I don't listen

to that much music.

I mean, I know a lot of kids who play

piano or whatever, but you guys...

You guys rock.

Well, I knew

I personally rocked,

but I never suspected

that we rocked as a unit.

So, thank you, Knives.

I mean, you guys

are gonna be huge.

Well, we're already

pretty big,

but, yeah, I guess

it'd be cool

if cool people started wearing

our T-shirt or whatever.

Cool.

Yeah, yeah.

Excuse me, do you have anything

by The Clash at Demonhead?

Have you tried the section

marked "The Clash at Demonhead"?

Thank you, Julie.

Are you coming

to my party Friday,

or will you be

busy babysitting?

Thank you, Julie.

You don't want

to listen to her.

And you definitely don't

want to listen to them.

Oh, I heart them so much.

Yeah, I hearted them, too, until

they signed to a major label,

and the lead singer turned into a

total bitch and ruined my life forever.

But that's just me.

Envy Adams is so cool.

Do you read her blog?

Sorry, you were

saying about me?

I mean, I've never gone

out with anyone so talented.

Go out with

a lot of guys?

No.

Yeah, so, whatever, man.

I've never even

kissed a guy.

Hey,

me, neither.

Here you go.

So, this is

your secret lair?

Yeah, yeah.

Can I come in?

My secret lair

is one of those

"No girls allowed"- type

deals.

Okay.

But do you wanna see the

house where I grew up?

Sure!

Come on.

There you go.

Wow.

Yeah.

Wow.

Oh, God.

So alone.

You're not alone.

What?

You're just having

some idiotic dream.

Does that mean

we can make out?

Oh, God!

What is it, Scott?

I had this

totally weird dream.

Oh, God.

What is it,

Other Scott?

Can we skip the dreamtime?

Color me not interested.

But there was this girl.

Girl?

Was this

an Envy-related dream?

We don't use

the E-word in this house.

No, it wasn't her.

It was somebody new.

Yay for that.

Speaking of new,

weren't you supposed to take

your fake high-school girlfriend

to the library

a half-hour ago?

What? It's like 6:00

in the morning.

Shh!

It's weird.

What's weird?

Libraries remind me

of grade school.

That must seem like

a really long time ago.

Yeah, let's talk

about something else.

Do you know that girl?

Scott!

What?

You only played one note

for that entire song.

My hand slipped.

Is your girlfriend

distracting you?

My girlfriend?

I'll be quieter.

Let's do that one again.

Sorry, what are we doing?

I told you, like, 50 times!

We're going

to this party, ret*rd.

Party?

At Julie's.

I thought

you guys split up.

We did, but there might be some

label guys there, so, you know...

Oh, man, this is gonna suck. Suck!

At least it'll give us

something to complain about.

Oh, man!

This sucks!

Sucks!

I'm gonna go pee

due to boredom.

I have to pee.

You know, so I told him

you've got a really good sound,

and I think that you

should market your sound

to deaf people, because... Scott! Hey!

Hey, Comeau.

How about this party? You

getting your drink on here?

No, I don't drink.

This is just Coke Zero.

What do you mean,

you don't drink?

I distinctly remember you being very

drunk off a couple of G-and-T's...

Hey, Comeau,

you know everyone, right?

Yeah, pretty much, I do.

You know this one girl

with hair like this?

Yes, that's Ramona Flowers.

Somebody said she was gonna

be here tonight, actually.

What?

Oh, Scott.

You have the hots for her or

something? I gotta tell you though,

I hear that she's

a little hardcore.

Hey, what's up?

Nothing.

Hey, you know Pac-Man?

I know of him.

Well, Pac-Man was

originally called Puck-Man.

They changed it because...

Not because Pac-Man looks

like a hockey puck.

"Paku-paku" means

"flap your mouth,"

and that they were afraid

people would change...

Scratch out the "P" and

turn it into an "F," like...

Yeah, that's amazing.

Um...

Am I dreaming?

I'll leave you alone

forever now.

Thanks.

Dude!

What?

She's totally real!

Who?

Ramona Flowers.

What?

Dude! What do you know

about Ramona Flowers?

All I know is

that she is American.

American.

Why don't you go talk

to Sandra and Monique?

They know a lot more.

Lady-dudes. What do you

know about Ramona Flowers?

I heard she has

a boyfriend.

Yeah. Some guy

back in New York.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

What else?

I heard she kicks

all kinds of ass.

She's on another level.

She has men

dying at her feet.

She's got some

battle scars, dude.

What about Ramona Flowers?

You know her?

Tell me now.

She just moved here.

Got a job at Amazon.

Comes into my work.

Does she really?

Didn't you say she just

broke up with someone?

Did she really?

They had a huge fight,

or whatever.

Did they really?

Yes! But I didn't want Scott

to know that, Stephen.

Yeah, I don't know what

it is about that girl.

Scott, I forbid you

from hitting on Ramona,

even if you haven't had a

real girlfriend in over a year.

Hey! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Scott's

mourning period is officially over.

He's totally dating

a high-schooler.

Dating a high-schooler

is the mourning period.

She's got a point.

I thought

you guys broke up.

I don't want you scaring off the

coolest girl at my party, Scott.

We all know you're a total

lady-k*ller wannabe, jerky-jerk.

That's completely untrue.

That time with Lisa?

That was a misunderstanding.

That time with Hollie? That

wasn't what it looked like.

That time you

dumped Kim for...

Okay. Me and Kim are

all good now, all right?

Whatever! Ramona's out of your

league. Let's just leave it at that.

Besides, I'm not even sure

she did have a big breakup.

She keeps mentioning

some guy named Gideon.

Yeah, I don't know what

it is about that girl.

Forget it, Scott!

Guess who's drunk?

I guess Wallace.

You guess right.

So, that girl

from my dream...

Girl. Okay.

I saw her at the library.

Library. Can I pretend

we're talking about a guy?

And then I'm at this party

and, hey, there she is.

Hey, there he is.

I think she's...

I think he's...

I think she's

the girl of my dreams.

Mmm.

Then you should break up with

your fake high-school girlfriend.

I've never been

so sure about something.

Then you should break up with

your fake high-school girlfriend.

What's that?

You should break up with your

fake high-school girlfriend.

I'm not getting it, friend.

You're thinking of

juggling two chicks?

Not even!

Well, you should break up with

your fake high-school girlfriend.

Wait, who told you?

Wallace. Duh!

He's not even conscious.

Whatever.

You of all people should know

how sucky it is to get cheated on.

Don't you have

a job to do?

You're right. I should send

out a mass text about this. Bye.

Wallace,

how do you do that?

Wallace!

Amazon. Ca,

what's the website for that?

"Amazon. Ca.' '

I have to order

something really cool.

You've got mail.

Dude, this thing

claims I have mail.

It's amazing what we can do

with computers these days.

Dude, now I'm reading it.

So happy for you.

"Dear Mr. Pilgrim, it

has come to my attention

"that we will be

fighting soon.

"My name is Matthew Patel,

and... ' ' Blah, blah, blah...

"Fair warning... Mano y mano...

Seven evil... ' ' Blah, blah.

This is...

This is... This is...

What?

This is boring.

Delete.

Scott,

are you waiting for the

package you just ordered?

Maybe.

It's the weekend. It won't ship

until Monday at the earliest.

You were saying?

att*ck hug!

Hey!

att*ck hug. That's so cute. So cute.

You don't remember?

You're supposed to meet me at

the bus stop a half-hour ago.

How could I

possibly forget?

Yearbook club

is so boring.

I cannot believe the music

they put on while we work.

That's sucky.

Hannah broke up with Alan

and now she's all into Derek.

But then Tamara claims

she has dibs on Derek.

I tell you.

Bad!

Bad!

Bad!

Bad!

Bad!

Okay. I'm sorry,

that was all me.

Solo round!

Uh-oh.

Nega ninja.

Nega ninja!

I can never get

past that guy.

Don't b*at

yourself up about it.

Game over!

Do you want

to keep going?

Continue? Nine, eight,

seven, six, five...

I think...

... four, three...

I think that we should...

... two, one.

Game on, everybody.

Game on.

I got us a show.

Oh, my gosh, when?

Wednesday.

The Rockit. And even

better, it's the T.I.B.B.

Whoa!

The Toronto International

Battle of the Bands?

That's right.

This guy at work was like, "Steve,

you know anybody in a band?"

And I was like,

"I'm in a band.' '

And he was like,

"You're in a band?"

And I was like, "Yeah,

I am totally in a band.' '

Great story, man.

Is there a prize

or something?

Only a record deal

with G-Man Graves.

Who's that?

You don't know?

Indie producer

of the millennium.

Oh.

If we win, it won't just be

Knives wearing Sex Bob-Omb shirts.

It'll be the cool kids, too.

I promise

I will do everything I can to get

out of the study group and come.

I have to pee.

Oh, my gosh,

who are you battling?

Crash and the Boys.

That one band

with Crash, and those boys?

Yeah, that's the one.

I hate them.

Oh, my gosh,

I hate them, too.

Yeah, they suck.

They suck bad.

Hey!

Hey!

Uh, Scott Pilgrim?

Hi, I was thinking

about asking you out,

but then I realized

how stupid that would be.

So, do you want

to go out sometime?

No, that's okay. You can

just sign for this, all right?

I just woke up, and you were in my dream.

I dreamt that you were delivering

me this package. Is that weird?

It's not weird at all.

It's not?

No, it's just that you

have this really convenient

subspace highway running through

your head that I like to use.

It's, like,

three miles in 15 seconds.

Right, right.

I forgot you guys

don't have that in Canada.

You don't

remember me, do you?

We met at the party

the other day.

Were you the Pac-Man guy?

No.

Not even.

That was some total ass.

I was the other guy.

You know, you need to sign

for this, whatever this is.

But if I sign for it,

you'll leave.

Yeah, it's how it works.

Okay, well, maybe,

do you wanna hang out sometime?

Get to know each other?

You're the new kid

on the block, right?

I've lived here forever, so there are

reasons for you to hang out with me.

You want me to

hang out with you?

Yeah, if that's cool.

If I say yes, will you sign

for your damn package?

So, yeah, 8:00?

Why are you just

standing there?

Dude, I'm totally

waiting on you.

I'm sorry, I just assumed you

were too cool to be here on time.

Oh, you assumed wrong.

So, how did you

end up in Toronto?

Just needed

to escape, I guess.

Yeah.

I got this job here,

and Gideon had always said

Toronto was one of

the great cities, so...

Is Gideon your boyfriend?

He's a friend.

Was he your boyfriend?

Do you mind if I don't

get into that right now?

It's so not

interesting to me.

So, what about you?

What do you do?

I'm in between jobs

at the moment.

Between what and what?

Well, my last job was a

long story filled with sighs.

I know plenty of those.

Is that why you

left New York?

Pretty much.

It was just time to head

somewhere a little more chilled.

Well, it's certainly

chilled here.

Yeah.

It's chilled, as in cold.

Yeah.

This is ridiculous.

Isn't it, like, April?

I know.

I can barely see you.

This whole thing is

an unmitigated disaster.

I think act of God is a pretty

decent excuse for a lousy date.

So this is a date, eh?

Did I say date?

Slip of the tongue.

Tongue.

Anyway,

night's not over yet.

I think there's a thingy

over here, somewhere.

A thingy?

A door.

Come on.

What kind of tea

do you want?

There's more

than one kind?

We have blueberry, raspberry,

ginseng, Sleepytime,

green tea,

green tea with lemon,

green tea with lemon and

honey, liver disaster,

ginger with honey,

ginger without honey,

vanilla-almond, white

truffle, blueberry-chamomile,

vanilla-walnut,

Constant Comment

and Earl Grey.

Did you make

some of those up?

I think I'll have

Sleepytime.

That sounds good to me.

Let me get you a blanket.

That would

actually be awesome.

Dude, I'm changing.

Sorry. I'm just cold.

Here, does that help?

Yeah, that's very warm.

What is that?

Okay.

Were you just gonna bring

the blanket from your bed?

I guess.

Maybe we should both get

under it, since we're so cold.

What about our tea?

I can

not have tea.

I changed my mind.

Changed it to what?

From what?

I don't wanna have sex with

you, Pilgrim. Not right now.

Okay.

It's not like I'm gonna send you

home in a snowstorm or anything.

You can sleep in my bed.

And I reserve the right to change

my mind about the sex later.

Well, this is nice.

Just this.

It's been, like,

a really long time,

so I think I needed this,

whatever it is,

so thank you.

You're welcome.

Hey, so, can this

not be a one-night stand?

For one thing, I didn't even

get any. That was a joke.

What did you

have in mind?

Come to the first round of

this Battle of the Bands thing.

You have a band?

Yeah, we're terrible.

Please, come?

Sure.

Oh! Wait. Can I get

your number?

Wow. Girl number.

See you at the show,

Scott Pilgrim.

Hey, it's tonight. At the...

Hey. You totally came.

Yes. I did totally come.

Please excuse my brother.

He is chronically enfeebled.

I'm Stacey.

Hey.

This is Wallace, his roommate. Hey.

This is my boyfriend, Jimmy.

Hey.

Oh, and this is Knives.

Hey!

Hey!

So, do you like?

Well, I...

Have to go.

Okay, this next band

is from Brampton,

and they are

Crash and the Boys.

God! This is a nightmare.

Is this a nightmare?

Wake up, wake up, wake up!

Once we're on stage,

you'll be fine.

We were just on stage for sound

check, and the sound guy hated us.

It's just nerves.

Pre-show jitters.

People love us, right?

Oh, man, this is bad.

This is so, so bad.

Hey, Jimmy,

do they rock or suck?

They have not

started playing yet.

That was a test, Jimmy.

One, two.

You passed.

Okay.

Good evening.

My name is Crash.

These are the Boys.

Is that girl a boy, too?

Yes.

They have a girl drummer?

This song is called I Am So

Sad, I Am So Very Very Sad.

Goes a little

something like this.

So sad!

Thank you.

It's not a race, guys.

All right, this next song

goes out to the guy

who keeps yelling

from the balcony.

It's called

We Hate You, Please Die.

Sweet. Love this one.

I can feel ya, I can hear ya...

Thank you.

So, how do you know Scott?

He's a friend.

It's hard for me

to keep track sometimes,

because he has

so many friends.

Knives,

how did you meet Scott?

Well...

Oh, no.

This is a nightmare.

We need to play

now and loud.

Okay.

So, I was on the bus

with my mom...

Is that seriously

the end of the story?

Oh, my gosh!

Okay.

They're on!

This next band

is from Toronto.

And, yeah.

Give it up for Sex Bob-Omb.

I heart you,

Sex Bob-Omb!

Scott, are you ready?

Okay. Kim? Are you...

We are Sex Bob-Omb!

One, two, three, four!

I'll take you for a ride

On my garbage truck

Oh, no

I'll take you to the dump

'Cause you're my queen

I'll take you uptown

I'll show you the sites

You know you wanna ride

On my garbage truck

Truck, truck, truck

We'll pass the mansions by

Drive right through

the needle's eye

Oh, my

Oh, no... My...

My, my, my, my

I've got a stereo

You've just got

to turn the knob

And maybe we'll go

As far as we can

I'll be your garbage man

I'll take out your junk

And I'll crush it...

Mr. Pilgrim.

It is I, Matthew Patel.

Consider our fight begun.

What did I do?

What do I do?

Fight!

All right.

All right.

Watch out!

It's that one guy.

Well, well, well,

you're quite the opponent,

Pilgrim.

Who the hell

are you, anyway?

My name is Matthew Patel!

And I'm Ramona's

first evil ex-boyfriend.

Her what?

Anyone need another drink?

Wait. We're fighting

over Ramona?

Didn't you get my e-mail

explaining the situation?

I skimmed it.

Mmm-mmm.

You will pay for

your insolence!

Hey, what's up

with his outfit?

Yeah, is he a pirate?

Are you a pirate?

Pirates are in this year.

You really went out

with this guy?

Yeah.

In the seventh grade.

And?

It was football season

and for some reason,

all the little jocks

wanted me.

Matthew was the only

non-white, non-jock boy in town.

So, the two of us joined

forces and we took 'em all down.

We brawled and scrapped

and fought for hours.

Nothing could b*at

Matthew's mystical powers.

We only kissed once.

After a week and a half,

I told him to hit the showers.

Dude, wait.

Mystical powers?

You'll pay for this, Flowers.

If you want to fight me

What?

Ha! You're not the brightest

You won't know what

hit you in the slightest

This guy's good.

Me and my fireballs

My Demon Hipster Chicks

Tell him, Matty.

Tell him, Matty.

I'm talking the talk

Because I know I'm slick

S- L-ick

Fireballs

Take this sucker down

Let us show him

what we're all about

That doesn't even rhyme.

This is impossible.

How can this be?

Open your eyes,

maybe you'll see.

K- O!

Sweet! Coins.

God, is that allowed?

Well, it was nice

meeting you.

Tell your gay friends

I said bye.

Gay friends?

Wallace! Again?

Get a room, guys!

Oh, my God!

Oh, man, $2.40? That's not

even enough for the bus home.

I'll lend you

the 35 cents.

Yeah, so, Sex Bob-Omb wins.

Sex Bob-Omb won?

So, what was

all that all about?

I guess

if we're gonna date, you may

have to defeat my seven evil exes.

You have seven

evil ex-boyfriends?

Seven evil exes, yes.

And I have to fight...

Defeat.

Defeat your seven evil exes if

we're going to continue to date?

Pretty much.

So, what you're saying

right now is we are dating?

I guess.

Does that mean

we can make out?

Sure.

Cool.

Aw!

Someone's happy.

Well, someone got to

second base last night.

And someone has

a second date tonight.

Someone's lucky, then.

You know when I say

"someone," I mean "me," right?

I got to second base

last night.

Maybe first-and-a-half.

So, I invited Ramona over for

dinner tonight, so you can't be here.

I don't want you

gaying up the place.

Okay, Scott.

But in return, I have

to issue an ultimatum.

One of your

famous ultimatums?

It may live in infamy.

You have to break up with

Knives, that poor angel, today.

But it's hard.

If you don't, I'm going to

tell Ramona about Knives.

I swear to God, Scott.

What? You...

Hi. Morning.

Hey, Jimmy.

Double standard!

I didn't make up

the gay rulebook.

You got a problem with it...

Stop.

Take it up with

Liberace's ghost.

You're a monster.

Give me the bacon,

and go do your dirt

while I watch

the Lucas Lee marathon.

Who's Lucas Lee?

Oh!

He was this

pretty good skater.

Now he's this

pretty good actor.

He's filming a Winifred Hailey

movie in Toronto right now.

They make movies

in Toronto?

Yes.

I'm stalking him later.

So, this Lucas Lee...

Lucas Lee is not important

to you right now. Get out.

You suck.

Out.

Surprising no one.

Out.

Now, you listen close,

and you listen hard, bucko.

The next click you'll

hear is me hanging up.

The one after that is

me pulling the trigger.

Hey, Knives.

Hey, do you wanna,

like, talk or whatever?

Are you wearing a tan jacket,

like, a spring jacket, and a hoodie?

And a dorky hat?

It's not dorky.

Why are you psychic?

Hey!

Hey. Hey.

Hey.

Oh, my God.

I can't believe TCAD's coming to

town. Will you take me to the show?

Yeah, listen...

Hey, I wanted to invite

you over for dinner.

Like, Chinese food?

To meet my parents.

It's my birthday dinner.

I think that's

a really bad idea.

No, it's okay. Why?

I'm too old for you.

No, you're not. My dad is

nine years older than my mom.

Are you even allowed to date

outside your race or whatever?

I don't care. I'm...

I'm in...

Uh...

Listen,

I was thinking

we should break up

or whatever.

Really?

Yeah.

It's not gonna work out.

Oh.

Where's Knives.

Not coming tonight?

No, we broke up.

Hey, check it out, I learned the

bass line from Final Fantasy II.

Scott, you are

the salt of the earth.

Thanks.

I meant scum

of the earth.

Thanks.

You broke up with Knives?

Yeah, but don't worry.

Maybe soon you'll meet

my new-new girlfriend.

New-new.

Okay, from here on out, no girlfriends

or girlfriend talk at practice.

Whether they're old, new, or

New-new.

New-new.

We were lucky to

survive the last round.

It's sudden death now, okay?

Okay.

That's for me. That's

for me. That's for me.

Hey, you're here.

Yes, like you said.

You know your hair?

I know of it.

It's all blue.

I change my hair every week and

a half, dude. Get used to it.

So...

How do you guys

all know each other?

High school, I guess.

What Neil said.

I'm Neil.

Believe it or not, I actually

dated Scott in high school.

Got any embarrassing stories?

Yeah, he's an idiot.

Okay, bye.

See you guys tomorrow.

What about rehearsal?

Neil knows my parts.

I'm Neil.

You doing okay, there?

Yeah, good, good, good.

She changed her hair.

So? It looks nice blue.

Yeah, I know, but she

did it without even making

a big deal of it

or anything.

She's fickle. Impulsive. Spontaneous.

God, what am I gonna do?

Can't believe you're worried

about me gaying up the place.

So, how's dinner

coming along?

Yeah, good, good, good.

Okay, well, I'm gonna

leave you lovebirds to it.

I am heading up to Casa Loma

to stalk my hetero crush.

Don't go!

Will you man the hell up?

You can get to second

and a half base tonight.

You think so?

Well, if you strike out in the next

hour, come find me at the castle.

If I strike out?

Okay, when. See you in 60.

This is actually

really good garlic bread.

Garlic bread is

my favorite food.

I could honestly

eat it for every meal.

Or just eat it all the time

without even stopping.

You'd get fat.

No, why would I get fat?

Bread makes you fat.

Bread makes you fat?

I wrote a song about you.

You did?

Yeah, it goes like this.

Ramona

Ramona

On my mind

Ramona

Can't wait to hear it

when it's finished.

Finished?

Your hair's pretty shaggy.

Oh, God,

I need a haircut, don't I?

What?

No, sorry. I just...

I got a bad haircut right

before me and my big ex broke up,

but that was so long ago

now I can barely remember.

Scott is acutely aware

that his last salon haircut took place

exactly 431 days ago, three

hours before his big breakup.

He's been cutting

his own hair ever since.

So long ago.

Sounds like a bad time.

Bad time? Not really.

It was.

It was a mutual thing.

It wasn't.

I mean, she told me it was mutual.

She dumped him.

It was brutal.

What was her name?

She was Nat,

when I knew her,

but she stopped

liking that name.

Then she stopped liking me.

Your hair is cute.

I like it long.

But it would be cuter short, wouldn't it?

What?

What?

Why are you

wearing that hat?

I thought we could go

for a walk.

Tell me we didn't

come out here in the cold

so you could cover

your hair with that hat.

No, no. I just love me

some walking, you know.

Just putting one leg in front

of the other, like this. Walking.

You seem

a little heightened.

Yeah. Yeah, I don't know.

I just sort of feel like I'm

on dr*gs when I'm with you.

Not that I do dr*gs,

unless you do dr*gs,

in which case

I do dr*gs all the time.

Every drug.

Yeah, I don't know.

Just when I'm with you,

things sort of seem

a little brighter.

What is this place?

It's a totally

awesome castle.

They're sh**ting this movie here right now.

Okay, everybody, let's

do this. Lots to do, everyone.

Lots to do.

Did you find the guy you were stalking?

I think I'm about

to right now.

Mr. Lee is traveling.

Mr. Lee?

Lucas Lee.

Oh.

Oh?

And roll sound.

I wanna have his

adopted babies.

Here we go.

All right,

on your marks, everyone.

Oh, man, we got to go.

What? Why?

I used to date that clown.

And...

Action.

Oh, my God.

Hey.

The only thing keeping me and her apart

is the two minutes it's

gonna take to kick your ass.

You dated a famous guy?

In ninth grade.

We had drama.

Actually,

it might have been math.

I just remember there being a lot of drama.

Hey!

He was a snot-nosed little

brat. He just followed me around.

He had snot in his nose?

But he's famous.

Hey! I'm talking to you,

Scott Pilgrim.

He's famous and

he talked to me.

The only thing keeping me and her apart

is the two minutes it's

gonna take to kick your ass.

Can I have your... Can I

have your autograph, please?

What's up?

How's life?

He seems nice.

Boom!

And that's a cut!

Scott, evil ex. Fight.

Let's get ready to go again,

please. Let's get ready to go again.

Hey, hombre.

You really think you can stand a

chance against an A-lister, bro?

Some competish you are.

Hey!

Hey!

Hey, I'm not done with you.

Oh!

Looks like

you're seeing double.

He's good, right?

Sometimes I let him do

the wide sh*ts

when I feel like getting

blazed back in my Winnie.

What can I say?

I'm nothing without

my stunt team.

Hey! Ask them how it feels to

always get his sloppy seconds.

How does it...

Hey, I'm gonna get a coffee.

You homies want anything?

No, I just ate.

Negative.

That's actually hilarious.

Ah.

Hilarious.

Mr. Lee!

You're needed back on set.

Prepare...

Prepare to feel the wrath

of the League of Evil Exes.

The League of Evil Axes?

You really don't know

about the League?

The seven evil exes?

Coming to k*ll you?

Controlling the future

of Ramona's love life?

No.

Oh, well, hey, listen, man.

Don't worry about it.

Really?

Yeah. Let's go get a beer.

That's great...

Boom!

You are a pretty

good actor.

I'm going for

the Oscar this year.

But are you

a pretty good skater?

I'm more than

pretty good, ese.

I have my own skate company.

But can you do

a thingy on that rail?

It's called a grind, bro.

So, can you do

a grindy thingy now?

Are you serious?

There are, like, 200 steps,

and the rails are garbage.

Well, hey,

if it's too hardcore then...

You really think you can goad

me into doing a trick like that?

There are girls watching.

Somebody get me my board.

Hi. Big fan.

Why wouldn't you be?

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Wow.

Yes!

He totally bailed.

Ah! I didn't get

his autograph.

No.

And that's

a wrap, everybody.

Hey, where's Ramona.

Is she still here?

No. She totally bailed.

What's the deal? Seriously.

Let's move, people,

the sun is coming up.

Hey, it's me again. Scott. Give

me a call when you get this.

Scott Pilgrim.

What's the deal?

Seriously.

Yep. You said that

last night.

You know what

really sucks, though?

What?

Everything.

Come on, guy.

You can't say you didn't see this coming.

What?

What did you

think these were?

Kisses?

Seven little kisses?

Seven deadly X's.

Why does everything

have to be so complicated?

If you want something bad,

you have to fight for it.

Step up your game, Scott.

Break out the L-word.

"Lesbian?"

The other L-word.

"Lesbians?"

It's "love," Scott. I

wasn't trying to trick you.

Hey, buddy, look,

if she really is

the girl of your dreams,

then you have to

let her know.

You have to overcome any and all

obstacles that lie in your path.

You can do it. Be with her!

It's your destiny!

Plus, I need you

to move out.

What?

Yeah.

I'm kind of banking

on her calling you back

so I don't have to evict you

and feel all guilty and sh*t.

I have a feeling

that's for you, guy.

Hey.

Hey, Scott.

Envy?

Oh, sh*t.

Been a while.

Yeah.

A year, I think.

Approximately.

How are you?

I'm not doing

so good right now.

Oh, that's too bad.

Still breaking hearts?

What? No. I've been... It's

been different. You have no idea.

Probably not. Do you have a girlfriend?

Should I be jealous?

Yes, you should. I have this

totally awesome girlfriend

who calls me all the

time and she's America.

She's American.

What's her name?

I'm not telling you that.

Ramona.

Oh.

What? Do you know her?

What? No.

It sounded like you did.

I got to go. It's been

nice chatting with you.

Wait.

Okay.

Everything does suck.

Or does it? Hello?

Hey, Knives.

What's that?

You're outside?

Is Scott here?

You know what? He just

left.

Really?

Yeah.

Sorry.

Do you have a girlfriend?

Seven deadly X's.

You may have to

defeat my seven evil exes.

It's sudden death now, okay?

She's got some

battle scars, dude.

You can't say you

didn't see this coming.

Dude.

Please.

I'm really not

in the mood for this.

Okay, enough!

You punched me

in the boob!

Prepare to die, obviously.

Look, I've had it today.

Can we not do this right now?

I'd love to

postpone, darling,

but I just cashed

my last rain check.

What's that from?

My brain!

I'm really, really not up

for this. Whatever it is.

Okay, little chicken.

I'll see you later.

But you won't see me,

because next time, I'll be

deadly serious next time.

What?

Never mind!

Man. Someone help me.

Hello.

It's Scott.

What did he do this time?

No, it's Scott.

It's actually me.

What did you do this time?

I didn't do anything. It's

everyone else that's crazy.

Look, I'm having a meltdown or

whatever. Are you still working?

I'm literally

about to leave.

Cool, I'm coming in.

I think I'll make it

a decaf today.

Scott Pilgrim!

What did you do

with my sister?

Sorry, I had to go.

So, what can I

Get you?

Is there anywhere

you don't work?

They're called jobs. Something a

like you wouldn't know anything about.

And by the way, I can't

believe you asked Ramona out

after I specifically told

you not to do that.

How are you doing

that with your mouth?

Never mind

how I'm doing it!

What do you have to say

for yourself?

Can I get

a caramel macchiato?

You know what, maybe it's high

time you took a look in a mirror

before you wreak

havoc on another girl.

Me? Wreak havoc?

And speaking of

which,

I hear the girl that

kicked your heart in the ass

is walking the streets

of Toronto again.

So, I can just get

my coffee over here?

Sorry that got

a little crazy last night.

Yeah, you kind of disappeared.

Yeah, I do that.

Listen, I know I can be

hard to be around sometimes.

I totally understand if you

don't want to hang out anymore.

No, no, I want to hang.

You know, the whole

evil ex-boyfriend thing...

Exes.

It's no biggie.

I know it's early,

but I don't think anything

can get in the way of how I...

sh*t!

It's my ex.

A big one?

Mmm-hmm.

Envy.

I'm gonna...

Excuse me.

Your hair is

getting shaggy.

Yeah?

So, that's Ramona.

Yeah.

Okay, I'm jealous.

You're jealous?

I'm allowed.

You left me for

that cocky pretty boy.

You haven't even

seen him.

I know, you left me for

someone I've never even seen.

Maybe you will see him.

We're playing Lee's Palace.

You should

so totally come.

That's so not

going to happen.

Great, you're

so on the list.

Caramel macchiato

for Pilgrim.

So, that was Envy.

Uh-huh.

What happened

with the two of you?

Do you mind if we don't

get into it right now?

She wanted to move

to Montreal,

because she missed

her best friend.

This guy, Todd.

And two weeks later, they were

sleeping together, I guess?

Basically.

Dated a Todd once.

Didn't end well, either.

I can see how it sucks. Having

the past come back to haunt you.

Is it wrong that I try

not to think about it?

What do you want

to think about?

How warm

my place is right now.

Oh.

And you didn't bang her?

Are you gay?

I couldn't stop thinking

about my stupid ex-girlfriend.

Is that

the Uma Thurman movie?

Scott, just because Envy is back

in town doesn't make it not over.

Double negative.

It's tricky.

It's over. Move on.

Word.

Right. I'm not going

to let her toy with me.

From this moment on,

I will think of

Envy Adams no more!

I have distressing news.

Is it news that we suck, because

I really don't think I can take it.

No. The Clash at Demonhead are

doing a secret show tomorrow night

and Envy asked us

to open for them.

I hate you.

A gig is a gig,

is a gig, is a gig.

Maybe you can put

your history aside

until we get through

this thing, for the band.

For the band?

For the band?

Can't we do our...

For the band?

Can't we do our

own secret shows?

All our shows

are secret shows.

We're doing it.

G- Man might be there.

We play the next round

of the battle on Tuesday.

We have to get some buzz

going. We need groundswell.

We need stalkers.

What would you do

if your ex was in a band

and they wanted you

to open for them?

If my ex was in a band?

Mmm-hmm.

Might be a little

awkward, but maybe

it's the grown-up

thing to do.

Yeah. We're all

adults here, right?

Oh, my God!

He's dating

a fat-ass hipster chick!

I hate her stupid guts!

He only likes her because she's

old. She's probably, like, 25!

She's just some fat-ass

white girl, you know?

I think you mentioned

she was fat.

She's got a head start.

I mean, I didn't even know there

was good music until two months ago!

Hey, this really burns.

You should rinse.

When I got this idea, I just

thought, "I have to do it!"

I can't hear

anything you're saying.

Oh, God! I look so

good.

Ramona Flowers

stole my Scott.

But I know

how to get him back.

How?

Come on, come on

Thank you,

we were Sex Bob-Omb.

Yeah!

We have some merch

at the back, so...

Okay, bar? Now?

Level with me.

Did we suck?

I don't know. Did you?

She has to go.

She knows we suck.

Hey, Ramona.

Hey.

What the hell?

Hey.

Hey, Scott.

What the hell?

Look who Knives is

hanging out with.

Who is

that girl again?

Scott dated her.

Briefly, briefly.

How old is she?

I gotta pee on her.

I mean, I gotta pee.

Pee time.

And then it was time

for Toronto to drown

in the sweet sorrow

of The Clash at Demonhead!

Envy! Envy!

That guy on bass...

Oh, yeah

...that's Todd.

I know.

Oh, yeah?

You know?

Oh, yeah!

Oh, no.

Hello, again,

friend of a friend

I knew you well

Our common goal

was waiting for

the world to end

Now that the truth

is just a rule

that you demand

You cr*ck the whip

Shape-shift and trick

the past again

Send you my love on the wire

Lift you up, every time

Everyone

pulls away

from you

That was...

That was devastating.

Oh, my God.

Just, oh, my God.

Yeah, you should see them

live. They're much better live.

I think I'm gonna throw up.

I can't even believe

I'm saying this,

but Envy Adams would like

you all to come backstage.

All of us?

Did I stutter?

Wait, how do you know Envy?

Scott dated her.

Hey, Ramona.

Hey, Todd.

It's been awhile.

Mmm-hmm.

Mmm-hmm?

I think we should

get out of here.

So, how was the tour? You

guys play with the Pixies?

You're like a superstar now.

Yeah, it's not really

something I can put into words.

Um, Envy...

I read your blog.

So, Scott and Ramona, eh?

What of it?

You guys make a cute couple, you know?

Suit each other.

You're my role model, Envy.

Ramona, I like your outfit.

Affordable?

Envy, I was just gonna say did

you get those jeans in New York?

I'm talking to

Ramona right now.

Ramona lived in New York.

Did she?

I was just there. Played the

Chaos Theatre, for Gideon.

You know him, right?

I've kissed the lips

that kissed you!

Knives!

What?

I'm not afraid

to hit a girl.

I'm a rock star.

Oh, my God!

You punched the highlights

out of her hair.

He punched the highlights

out of her hair!

You are incorrigible.

I don't know

the meaning of the word.

So, you guys doing anything

fun while you're in town?

Fun? In Toronto?

That's it! You cocky cock!

You'll pay for your

crimes against humanity.

My neck.

Your hair.

Didn't you know?

Todd's vegan.

Vegan?

It's not really

that big of a deal.

No kidding.

Anyone can be vegan.

Ovo-lacto vegetarian maybe.

Ovo-what?

I partake not in the meat, nor

the breast milk, nor the ovum

of any creature with a face.

Short answer,

being vegan just makes you

better than most people.

Bingo.

Hey, man, question.

I always wondered, how does

not eating dairy products

give you psychic powers?

Okay.

You know how you only use

That's because the other 90%

is filled with curds and whey.

Did you learn that

at Vegan Academy?

Go ahead and

get snippy, baby.

If you knew the science, maybe

I'd listen to a word you're saying.

If I peed my pants, would you

pretend I just got wet from the rain?

It's not raining.

Oh.

Then why don't you

give me the Cliff Notes

on how and why you ended

up dating this A-hole.

Is that really

important right now?

Well, if there's a key

element in his backstory

that's gonna help me out in a

critical moment of not dying, yes.

I was only dating Lucas until

the minute Todd walked by.

Guess that's not very nice, but

I used to be, kind of like that.

We hated everyone. We

wrecked stuff. Nobody cared.

He punched a hole

in the moon for me.

It was pretty crazy.

A week and a half later

he told me

his dad was sending him

to Vegan Academy,

so I dumped him.

Have you dumped everyone

you've ever been with?

You've never been

the dumpee?

Look, I've dabbled

in being a bitch.

It's part of the reason

I moved here.

I was really hoping to

just leave it all behind me.

Hey, lovebirds...

We have unfinished business,

I and he.

He and me.

Don't you talk to me

about grammar.

I dislike you, capisce?

Tell it to the cleaning lady on Monday.

What?

Because you'll be dust

by Monday.

Um...

Because you'll be

pulverized in two seconds.

And the cleaning lady,

she cleans up dust.

She dusts.

So, what's on Monday?

Because it's Friday now. She

has the weekends off, so...

Monday. Right?

Basically, you can't

win this fight.

You're gonna have

to give up this girl,

because Todd's

gonna k*ll you.

You used to be so nice!

Scott, we're gonna go

to Pizza Pizza for a slice.

Call us when you're done.

He'll be done.

Real soon.

Sounds like someone

wants to get funky.

I can read your thoughts. Your

will is broken. You're through.

What say we drink

to my memory?

Fair trade blend

with soy milk?

I'm sorry,

but that's pathetic.

Dude, I can see

in your mind's eye.

You put half-and-half

into one of those coffees

in an attempt to

make me break vegan edge.

I'll take the one with soy.

Thanks, tool.

Actually, muchacho,

I poured the soy in this cup.

But I thought real hard

about pouring it in that cup.

You know, in my mind's eye or whatever.

What are you talking about?

You just drank

half-and-half, baby.

Freeze! Vegan police!

Vegan police!

Todd Ingram, you're under

arrest for veganity violation,

code number 827,

imbibement of half-and-half.

That's bullroar!

No vegan diet,

no vegan powers!

But it's only

my first offense.

Don't I get three strikes?

I mean...

Take it.

At 12:27 a.m.

On February 1st,

you knowingly

ingested gelato.

Gelato isn't vegan?

It's milk and eggs, bitch.

On April 4th, 7:30 p.m. You

partook a plate of chicken parmesan.

Chicken isn't vegan?

The de-veganizing ray.

Hit him.

Oh, my God!

No. No.

You once were a vegone,

but now you will be gone.

Vegone?

Yeah!

Yeah!

Sorry, I guess.

Sorry?

You just headbutted my

boyfriend so hard he burst.

You kicked my heart in the

ass, so I guess we're even.

Natalie.

Natalie? No one

calls me that anymore.

Maybe they should.

Let's get out of here.

For the record, I am so

pissed off for you, right now.

Shut the up, Julie.

Okay.

We're still going to

the after-party, right?

I'm not sure there's

going to be much of a party.

I think a third of the band

just went "poom.' '

Yeah, cool bands never go

to their own after-parties.

Just the desperate people trying

to rub elbows with the label guys.

Then why would we... Oh.

Neil, you down?

Scott, you're in, right?

You wanna go?

Well, I kind of

almost d*ed back there.

I'm not saying

I want to go.

Yeah. We can totally go.

I'll do whatever

you want to do.

So, let's go.

We really don't

have to go to this thing.

It'll probably be

a bad scene all around.

No, I'm fine.

It's just...

It's just...

Well...

Have you ever dated someone

that wasn't a total ass?

So far,

you're not a total ass.

But I'm part ass?

If it makes you feel better,

you're the nicest guy I've dated.

Wait, is that good?

It's what I need right now.

But not later?

Scott, I don't have

all the answers, okay?

I'd just like to try and

live in the moment if I can.

I'd just like to live.

Look, I know

Todd was bad news,

but are you saying

Envy wasn't?

We all have baggage.

Well, my baggage doesn't try

and k*ll me every five minutes.

What did you do to make

your ex-boyfriend so insane?

Exes.

Whatever.

No breakup is painless,

somebody always gets hurt.

What about you and that girl,

Knives? Who broke up with who?

I believe

I broke up with her.

And was she cool with that?

Knives is with Young Neil now.

She's totally cool with it.

You sure about that?

Yeah, she's very mature

for her age.

We had a very

healthy breakup.

We're all peaches and gravy.

No!

What about you and Kim?

Me and Kim?

I can barely remember.

It was high school.

She had freckles.

That's it?

Yeah, it kind of ended.

We changed.

That's really

the whole story?

Okay, fine, I had to fight

a guy to be with her. Okay?

I fought a crazy,

and I had to fight

He was flying and sh**ting

lightning bolts from his eyes, okay?

And I kicked him so hard that he

saw the curvature of the earth.

Does that make

you feel any better?

Well, now you are being a

total ass. Welcome to the club.

I'm sorry.

I'm not usually like this.

Hey, don't worry. I don't even

know what I'm like anymore.

I think this ex-boyfriends

thing is messing with my head.

Exes.

Why do you keep saying that?

The girl from earlier?

Roxy?

You know this girl?

Boy, does she know me.

What is she talking about?

He really doesn't know?

Wait.

Hmm?

You and her?

It was just a phase.

Just a phase?

You had a sexy phase?

It meant nothing. I didn't

think it would count.

It meant nothing?

I was just

a little bi-curious.

Well, honey,

I'm a little bi-furious.

Do that again

and I will end you.

Back off, hasbian.

If Gideon can't have you,

no one can.

The League has spoken.

Well, then Gideon best get

his pretentious ass up here

because I'm about to kick yours

out of the Great White North.

Wallace?

Uh-huh?

This is happening, right?

Oh, yeah.

Kick her in the balls.

I'm sending you

back to Gideon

in a thousand pieces,

you slag!

Ha!

I'd rather be dead

than go back.

He's a creep,

you're a bitch,

and you all deserve

each other.

Give it a rest, Ramona.

This is a League game.

Meaning?

Meaning your precious Scott must

defeat me with his own fists.

I don't think I can hit

a girl. They're soft.

You don't have a choice.

Fight your own battles,

lazy ass!

Lazy ass!

Every Pilgrim reaches

the end of his journey.

Some sooner than others.

Your BF's about to

get F'd in the B.

Her weak point is

the back of her knees.

Wait, how does that work?

Whenever we were making out I would just...

Okay, enough.

You'll never be

able to do this to her.

So...

Two gin-and-tonics, please?

I thought you didn't drink.

Only on special occasions.

Why? Did you want one?

Guess we really don't know that

much about each other, do we?

Maybe you could just give

me a list of all of your exes

so that I can at least know who's going to

b*at my ass

into the ground next.

Like a handy little laminate or

something? Let me see if I have one.

Maybe we could

exchange our information.

Hey, just out of sheer

curiosity and concern

for my mortal well-being,

is there anyone at this party

that you haven't slept with?

I think we should split.

As in get out of here,

or as in split, split?

I'd hope you could

figure that out.

Or did you miss the part

where I saved your ass?

How could I? I feel like we just

washed our sexy laundry in public.

Dirty laundry.

You're drunk.

I had, like, one drink.

I'm sorry I cared. I don't enjoy all

this, Scott. In fact, I'm sick of it.

I thought you might be

more understanding.

I just...

You're just another evil ex

waiting to happen.

That was harsh.

That was not good.

That was embarrassing.

One more.

P.S. Here's your stupid list.

Matthew Patel, Lucas Lee,

Todd Ingram, Roxy Richter.

Who the hell are

the Katayanagi Twins?

Oh!

You don't know?

The Katayanagi Twins

just happen to be

the next band in the battle.

They are totally bad-ass.

Ramona dated twins?

Apparently.

At the same time?

You know what?

I don't know

and I don't want to know.

Good. Because you know how I feel

about girls blocking the rock.

Good, I play better

when I'm in a bad mood.

If it's gonna be

an issue though,

Young Neil can

fill in for you.

It's not an issue.

You know bands,

I know battles.

We got it covered.

But we'd understand if you

didn't want to take part.

Not only do I

want to take part

I want to take them apart.

Okay, I'm getting tingles.

Whoa!

Okay, we're doomed.

Oh!

That poster needs

more exclamation marks.

Oh, man,

we're gonna get k*lled.

Come on, we're going

on in five minutes.

Wait, aren't the Katayanagis

going on first?

I think

you're both on first.

Wait, "Amp versus amp"?

We're going on stage

at the same time?

That's impossible.

Okay, my bad.

Your bad is

saying, "My bad.' '

We shouldn't even be

here. We shouldn't even be here!

Come on, man! I put my

problems aside for the music.

If I can do that,

we can do anything.

Did you speak

to Ramona, then?

What? No. I haven't seen

her since the other night.

Oh.

She's totally here.

Scott?

Not that I care,

but you should go talk to her

before she's gone.

Thanks, Kim.

And I really don't care.

I didn't mean to

put you through all that.

I only did it because I

love you. You know that.

Okay, g*ng,

can we do this?

I mean,

we can do this, right?

Right.

Scott?

Scott!

They tore the roof off!

We are Sex Bob-Omb

and we're here to make you think

about death and get sad and stuff!

This is the beginning

of the song.

I'm hearing voices, animal noises

The creme de la creme

The feminine abyss

And reaching my threshold Staring

at the truth 'til I'm blind

My body's stupid

Stereo putrid

Spilling out music

Into raw sewage

Reaching my threshold Staring

at the truth 'til I'm blind

My threshold

Reaching

My threshold

Let's just break

up now and get it over with.

We screwed the pooch in front

of Gideon Graves. We're done!

Gideon's here? Where?

That geeky guy

next to your girlfriend.

That's Gideon?

Gideon is G-Man?

All right, let's do this.

Reaching my threshold

My threshold

We're out.

What are you doing?

Getting a life.

I just came to

see your show.

I have to...

Ramona.

Ramona, I need to

tell you something.

Yeah, I have something

I have to tell you, too.

Great. Listen, I know you

play mysterious and aloof

just to avoid getting hurt.

I know you have reasons for not

wanting to talk about your past.

I want you to know I don't

care about any of that stuff

because

I'm in lesbians with you.

What?

I really, really mean it.

Oh! Okay.

It's your turn. What

did you want to tell me?

That we have to break up.

What?

It's Gideon.

I just can't...

I can't help myself

around him.

That's the bad news.

Hey.

The good news is that I'm

officially loving the Sex-Bombs.

Bob-Omb.

Three-piece rock outfit

with a smoking hot

red-head on drums.

Music to my ear-holes.

You know what?

I'm not even going to wait

to see how you guys

do in the final.

I'm signing you right now

for a three-album contract.

See? I'm not such

a bad guy after all.

You think we're going to sell our

souls to you? Well, guess again.

No, I can't be a part of the

band with this douche in charge.

Ow! Scott.

You got to try and keep

your emotions in check, man.

Don't let what's past

ruin your future.

The people need

to hear us, Scott.

Then you're gonna have to

find someone else to play bass.

Whoops.

Sign, sign, sign,

and we are all set.

Sweetie, shall we?

Oh! Scott.

You know, we really should

be thanking each other.

I mean, if it wasn't for me, Ramona

would never have been with you

but if it wasn't for you she

wouldn't have gotten back with me,

so I guess

it all shakes out.

Scotty, buddy,

between you and I, the whole

League of Evil Exes thing?

I was in a really dark place

when I put that together, so...

Forgiven?

All right, let's go.

Yes!

This is it, guys.

We are on our way.

I said "lesbians.' '

Scott.

Was she really the one?

The what?

I mean, did you really see

a future with this girl?

Like, with jetpacks.

Time heals all wounds,

little brother.

Maybe next time we don't date the

girl with 11 evil ex-boyfriends.

Seven.

That's not that bad.

Hey. Yeah, I know.

It's so pathetic!

Turn off the light!

Presumably, you just saw some guy's junk

and I apologize for that.

Okay.

And he apologizes, too.

Sorry.

Scott,

you know I love you.

But I'm gonna need

my own bed tonight.

It's for sex.

Right.

I may need it for

the rest of the week, too.

Right.

And the year.

I get it.

Maybe you can

move in with Ramona.

She's with Gideon.

Oh, man.

That's probably just because

he's better than you.

Mmm.

Either way,

this fight is over.

Mmm-hmm.

It's for Scott.

It's for you, big guy.

Hello.

Hey, pal.

I just want to say I feel

terrible about earlier.

I don't want

any hard feelings.

So I figured, why not be the

bigger man and just give you a call.

Is Ramona with you?

I don't know.

Are you with me?

Yeah.

Geez, buddy,

it's gonna be all right.

No, I just spilled

hot cocoa on my crotch.

Mmm-hmm.

Listen,

as you know,

I'm opening a new

Chaos Theatre in Toronto.

And the Sex-Bobs are playing

our grand opening tonight.

It would feel really weird for

all of us if you weren't there.

They just did a sound check and

the acoustics in here are amazing!

Yeah?

Maybe I'll see you there.

I hope so, amigo.

I don't want any more

bad blood between exes.

What do you say?

Mmm.

Okay, laters.

What a perfect assh*le.

Forget what I said earlier.

Finish him.

Password?

Whatever.

Cool.

Second password?

Cool.

We're not having

no fun We're not having no fun

No. The first album is much

better than the first album.

Fun

No fun

Scott! Let it go.

Don't give him

the satisfaction.

What if I want

the satisfaction?

Scott Pilgrim!

Buddy, welcome to

the Chaos Theatre.

Somebody get this man a

drink. A Coke Zero, right?

I'm not here to drink.

Whoa, I've got

no beef with you.

What if I have

a beef with you?

Are you still mad about the

whole thing with The Guild?

You mean The League?

The Guild, League, whatever.

It's ancient history.

I'll show you how ancient of history it is!

Wait, wait, wait!

There's no use crying

over spilt Coke, buddy.

The lady made her choice and we're

all just gonna have to move on.

Well, I ain't moving, buddy.

You wanna fight me for her?

Was that not clear?

Was that not clear?

I don't know.

Now, why on earth

would you want to do that?

Because I'm in love with her.

Aw! I think this

deserves a song.

Kimberly!

We are Sex Bob-Omb.

We are here to make money

and sell out and stuff.

One, two, three, four!

Your club sucks,

by the way.

Well, if my cathedral of

cutting-edge taste holds no interest

for your tragically

Canadian sensibilities,

then I shall be forced to grant

you a swift exit from the premises.

And a fast entrance

into hell!

Scott!

Knives?

That's priceless.

You'll pay for

what you did to him.

Listen, Kung Pao Chicken,

your old, old boyfriend

brought this all on himself.

He was warned plenty of

times, but did he listen? No.

I'm not talking to you.

I'm talking to her!

What?

You broke the heart

that broke mine.

Get ready to Chau down!

You're kidding, right?

Wow!

I mean, you can't say I don't

know how to put on a show, right?

That's incredible.

What the hell is your deal?

You stole him!

Stole him!

I don't know what

you're talking about.

You liar! Liar!

I didn't steal your boyfriend!

I didn't steal Scott!

I didn't steal anyone!

You steal

my boyfriend!

Wait! Wait!

Can we please stop all this

fighting? Nobody stole anybody.

Knives, I dated you

and then I dated Ramona, okay?

Maybe I forgot to tell

Knives right away.

You cheated on me, Scott?

You cheated on both of us?

You cheated on me

with Knives?

No,

I cheated on Knives

with you.

Is there a difference?

You weren't wronged?

Right?

Game over.

Scotty,

you can cheat on these ladies all you like.

But you can't cheat

death.

Oh, man.

Sorry.

Dying's got to suck.

You know what sucks?

Getting k*lled by that guy.

Why him?

It's complicated.

Well, I'm not going anywhere,

so now might be

a good time to get into it.

Truth is, it was me

who was obsessed.

I was crazy about him.

But he ignored me.

I was more alone when we were

together than I ever was on my own.

That's why I had to leave.

And that's when

he started paying attention.

So, why go back?

I can't help myself

around him, Scott,

he just has this way of

getting into my head.

Well, that's

legitimately disappointing.

I really will leave you alone forever now.

No, he literally has a way

of getting into my head.

That is evil.

I didn't mean for you to

get dragged into this, Scott.

I just wanted

something simple.

I'm sorry

it had to end this way.

Well, I really

fought for you.

Maybe I'm not the one you

should have been fighting for.

What? Wait.

But I feel like

I learned something.

Which would be great

if I wasn't dead.

So alone.

You're not alone.

Right!

Your hair looks stupid.

Second password?

Yeah, I saw it.

It's just the comic book

is better than the movie.

No fun

Scott! Let it go.

Don't worry,

I know what I'm doing.

Stephen,

the new lineup rocks.

You guys sound

way better without me.

Young Neil,

you have learned well.

From this point forward

you will be known as "Neil.' '

And, Kim,

I'm sorry about everything.

I'm sorry about me.

Scott Pilgrim!

Hey, buddy!

Save it! You're

pretentious! This club sucks!

I've got beef.

Let's do it.

Wait, wait, wait!

You want to

fight me for her?

No.

I want to fight you for me.

Um...

Kim!

We are Sex Bob-Omb

and we are here to watch

Scott Pilgrim

kick your teeth in!

One! Two! Three! Four!

How's it going back there?

You d*ck!

Knives?

I know you're in here.

Don't att*ck...

Scott!

Steal my boyfriend!

Taste my steel!

Enough!

No, Scott.

This fat-ass hurt me

and I will have my revenge!

No, Knives, I hurt you.

I cheated on you.

I cheated on both of you.

I'm really sorry.

And you're not a fat-ass.

She didn't mean that.

So, are we all good?

Never felt better.

Yoo-hoo!

Are we done with

the hugging and learning?

I thought we had

a fight going on here!

You've got a fight,

all right!

Wrong move, baby.

Hey.

You made me

swallow my gum.

It's gonna be in my digestive

tract for seven years.

Yeah, still my girl.

Let's both be girls.

Bad! Bad!

What?

Get ready!

Here we go!

Good! Good! Good!

Combo!

Perfect!

Who do you

think you are, Pilgrim?

You think you're

better than me?

I'll tell you what you are.

A pain in my ass!

You know

how long it took

to get all the evil exes'

contact information

so I could form

this stupid league?

Like, two hours!

Two hours!

You're not cool

enough for Ramona.

You're zero!

You're nothing!

Me? I'm what's hip.

I'm what's happening!

I'm blowing up right now!

You are blowing up.

Right now!

K- O!

Wow!

Yeah, wow.

There goes our deal!

We're still

getting paid, right?

There goes our deal.

Oh! Oh, God!

You two make

a good combo.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Scott Pilgrim.

You can defeat me, Scott,

but can you defeat yourself?

Uh-oh!

Nega Scott.

Nega Scott!

No.

This is something

I have to face.

Myself.

Solo round!

They have this incredible

French toast with bananas on it

and you get bacon

on the side.

I'm liking that.

Let's do it next week.

Yeah, Tuesday.

Yeah, all right. Be good.

Yeah, yeah.

Hey.

What happened?

Nothing, we just sh*t the sh*t.

He's just a really nice guy.

We're gonna get

brunch next week.

We actually have

a lot in common.

Your hair,

it's getting really shaggy.

It is?

Yeah.

You should probably

get it cut.

Yeah, you're right.

I should get it cut.

At a salon.

Salon, yeah.

That sounds really nice.

Hey.

You're going?

I should probably disappear.

After all that?

I still need a new life.

I came here to escape, but

the past keeps catching up.

I'm tired of people

getting hurt because of me.

I'm pretty sure

I'm gonna get over it.

I don't mean just you.

I understand.

I should thank you, though.

For what?

For being the nicest guy

I ever dated.

That's kind of sad.

It is kind of sad.

Bye, and stuff.

Yeah. And stuff.

Go, get her.

What?

You've been fighting

for her all along.

But what about you?

I'll be fine.

I'm too cool

for you anyway.

Ciao, Knives.

Go.

Hey.

Hey, mind if I tag along?

You want to come with me?

Yeah, I thought

maybe we could try again.

Continue?

Nine, eight, seven, six,

five, four, three, two, one.