[cheers and applause]
Patrice O'Neal!
[somber music]
Patrice was the guy.
You know, he was a comic's comic
which is, I think, the dopest
thing that you can be.
When the comedians love you,
it's just a different
nod of approval.
I don't mind a little racism.
I don't mind a little bit of it.
I'm afraid of going to hell
for being, like,
a devout wrong sh*t.
Let's discuss harassment.
It's not the subject.
Nobody owns a subject,
it's what you say about it.
And what he had to say
about everything he spoke about
was absolutely only his.
Think about what cheating is.
Cheating is a guy going out
trying to make himself happy
without knowing it 'cause he
doesn't want to make you upset.
So really, it's for you.
He was just always
better than us,
so whatever we were struggling
with, he was beyond it.
One of the funniest,
realest comics of all time.
He's one of the greatest
comedians to ever live.
He's a first-round
Hall of Famer.
He wasn't the most
well-known comedian in America
because there's no justice.
There's no justice.
I mean, I know this documentary
is supposed to be, like,
"Patrice O'Neal!
"Oh, my God! One of the best!
The greats!"
[blows raspberry]
- Jackass!
- Shut up!
What are you trying to win?
Patrice took it too far
all the time.
All the time,
he took it too far.
But that was part of his charm.
Oh, my God, I'm finished.
See that white woman there?
I'm done.
My career is over.
She's looking like
she writes letters
to the governor and sh*t.
Patrice was a genius
who constantly
sh*t himself in the foot.
This crowd stinks.
I don't really see myself
as an entertainer.
Like, I realized I don't really
like entertaining people.
He said, "Be the truth
at all costs."
I thought that I would have
a white sl*ve by...
I thought... [laughter]
Big old fat white girl
going to warm my bed up.
Get upstairs, Susie!
Yeah, he used to say
this thing about,
you know, k*lling is easy.
Once you learn how to k*ll
as a comedian, k*lling is easy,
and everybody in the room
is laughing.
But that's not what he wanted.
He wanted the truth.
Hey, look, I gotta go, man.
Y'all take care of yourselves.
Thank you very much.
Thank you. Thanks, y'all.
♪ ♪
[laughter]
- Just relax.
- Yeah, just be you.
I couldn't be any more relaxed.
- Well, this is what you do.
Go like this.
Breathe.
[both inhale, exhale]
- There you go.
[laughter]
Yeah, there's gonna be
a lot of casting directors
- watching this, you know?
- Yeah.
It's gonna be your big break.
You're gonna get
a special out of this.
- Yeah.
- Who's that fella?
That fella with the hat.
- You got f*cking crow eyes.
Look at you.
It's crow's feet, you dumb f*ck.
I know,
but yours are in the eye!
- Crow's eyes.
[laughter]
He would act like he hated
it, but he would love it.
But then he'd complain
it took so long.
He would be annoyed
that it wasn't made
- literally the first year.
- There's a lot of people
that weren't that sad
when Patrice d*ed.
Yeah, and there was a lot
of tears and a lot of balloons.
[laughter]
[funky music]
I was born during when Black
people named their children...
they had to name them after
somebody important Black,
so there was a lot of Marcuses,
a lot of Malcolms, you know.
My middle name is Malcolm.
During that time, you know,
we were all finding ourselves,
learning about
our African roots,
and my cousin wanted
to name him Lumumba.
After Patrice Lumumba,
the first Congo president.
And my mother said,
"No, I'd like him
to have some sort of life,
so I'll make a deal with you
that I'ma name him Patrice
instead of Lumumba."
Because it's better
for somebody to go,
"Is that a girl's name?"
than to go,
"What the hell
is a Lumumba?"
[laughter]
In the formative years,
he was very inquisitive,
very inquisitive.
He always asked
a lot of questions.
Of course,
he was very talkative,
so he was frequently
in trouble that way.
[laughs]
You're from Roxbury,
Massachusetts.
- Yeah.
- Now most Americans
have no idea
how r*cist Boston is.
A lot of things I learned
about racism
that you don't learn
unless you live
in a place like Boston.
It was a summer camp.
I think I was 10,
and this kid called me a n*gg*r.
This little white kid
called me a n*gg*r and ran.
And I chased him,
and he ran to where
there was adults,
and I grabbed him,
and when I put my hands on him,
I got thrown out of camp.
I'm like,
"He called me a n*gg*r."
It's like, "Yeah, n*gg*r."
So I learned a lesson
that you have
the skin color of the enemy.
I had to talk to him
about a lot of things.
You know,
he only had me to come to.
I had to be Mom and Dad,
which most single parents do.
And so, you have
to let them know
that as a Black male child,
people are always
gonna judge you
by what you look like.
♪ ♪
He was a good brother,
a good older brother,
taught me a lot of stuff.
I remember we would go
to the rec center every day,
and he would go play basketball
with his friends,
and I would just sit there,
and I'd have my little book
and have to read my book,
and then I would have
to talk about my book.
He would say, "Well, what was
the book about?"
"I don't think you read
that right.
You need to read it again."
Like, well, that's what it was,
and he's like,
"No, that's not
what it's about,"
and he would tell me
what it was about,
and I'm like, "Well, I didn't
get that from it."
"Well, read it again!"
This is where it all began.
This is the home
of Patrice O'Neal,
you know,
better known to us as Bruiser.
I guess you guys knew him
as Patrice O'Neal.
- We used to call him Bruiser.
- Bruiser.
You know, wasn't just a nickname
because that's kind of
what you give guys
when they're 6-6, 350, 360,
you know what I mean?
You give 'em big guy names,
you know?
You give 'em big rough
and tough names so, you know?
This was the spot.
His house pretty much
became the meeting spot.
- Yeah!
- Story after story,
telling joke after joke.
You know, comedy kinda
was his thing, you know?
Bruiser, big as he is, you know,
dude wasn't the sexiest dude,
you know what I mean,
but he had the gift of gab.
- He had a mouthpiece.
- That's it.
I've been fat all my life,
so funny used to...
it was a defense mechanism
all the time.
You walk in the room,
and I used to go,
"I'ma get a m*therf*cker
before he get me,"
and I liked pretty girls,
and I found out
that I can laugh my way
into some pretty p*ssy.
I remember times
where we're wondering, like,
how to break ice, how to, like,
you know, approach,
you know, females and stuff.
- Females and stuff, yeah.
- Bruiser would kinda, like,
slice through all of that,
like, "Hey, yeah, it's
whatever," you know?
You know? If he said hello to
you, better say hello back,
'cause if you don't say hello,
- and try to get fancy with it...
- At least.
- Oh, he'd jump all over you.
- At least, at least.
- And he'd break it down.
- And he wasn't the typical
- "f*ck you, bitch."
- Mm-mm.
You know, it wasn't
your typical... it wasn't that.
- He had to get personal.
He'd get completely personal.
It was like,
I'm gonna look at your shoes,
- what you're wearing.
- Whatever you look like,
- your friends.
- Your walking... right.
Like, "I know why you're here."
- Why are y'all here with her?"
- Your hairdo.
- You know what I mean?
- "She driving," you know?
Hey, she's making
your whole team look bad!
- You know what I mean?
- "Y'all should leave her."
- Exactly.
- Just roaster, roaster.
- [laughs]
- Yeah.
♪ ♪
He was always funny.
He must have woke up
in the morning funny
because he came off the bus,
and he never shut up,
and he was always talking.
And he was always
surrounded by people,
and they were always laughing.
I had an open-door policy
in my office.
Not a lot of the students
for obvious reasons
would just come in
and say hello.
Well, he did.
He'd pop his head in.
"Hey, Mr. P. What's going on?"
Sit down, and he'd just talk
about anything
he wanted to talk about.
But after he would leave,
you thought about
some of the things he said.
He was talking about issues,
but he had a different slant
on those issues.
Even if it was something
as simple as
the basketball court,
for instance.
Bruiser would point out,
"Notice how when you go
to the white side of town,
"you see the lines
on the basketball court.
"You see the foul line, you see
the out-of-bound lines.
"When you go to the hood,
you don't see any lines.
"You just see a basketball
goal down here,
"a basketball goal down there.
Oftentimes,
they don't have nets on 'em."
You know what I mean?
So he kinda was, you know,
aware of those things,
you know what I mean,
and noticed the,
you know, unbalanced nature,
you know, of that whole aspect.
He was thinking on a whole
different level
than we were thinking, you know?
- Very much so.
- Very much so.
♪ ♪
I don't think I was lucky
as a comic
in terms of the time I started.
I think that I was ready
to be a comic.
I wanted to be one
since I was maybe 16,
but when I was 22, I started,
and I think
that was the perfect time.
And of course, you know,
Patrice's story
of how he started, you know.
The legend was... I wasn't here
when this story happened.
It was '92 at a club
called Estelle's.
I do remember
going to Estelle's.
We were all in the audience,
and there was a guy
doing comedy.
[laughs]
I guess we can't say names,
but...
You can.
When did you first
meet Patrice O'Neal?
Him and his family came in
to watch a show,
and I was on stage,
and he tried to heckle me.
The story has it that Patrice
was heckling him
the whole set, and...
[both laugh]
Because of course,
he had his own opinions then
about what was good and bad.
I asked him if he had voted,
and he's like,
"No, I don't vote."
I said, "Yeah,
that's 'cause your fat ass
can't fit in the booth."
You know,
and that's how it started.
Here comes Bruiser, like,
just a sh*t-talking dude,
life of the party,
you know what I mean,
not really doing anything
on a professional level.
Here comes a dude who kinda
just steps right into it.
And the guy said,
"Well, if you think
"that you can do better,
why don't you come up here
and do better?"
After the show, he came to me.
He was like,
"Yo, I was just trying to,
you know,
help you out, you know?"
I was like,
"You're not helping."
He said,
"Well, I always thought about
I should be up there."
I was like,
"Well, if you
really wanna get up there... "
And I gave him some names
and phone numbers
of places to call
where you can go
try out your stuff.
I guess he got inspired by that,
and that's how Patrice
basically
got into doing stand-up.
Please welcome our favorite
Patrice O'Neal!
So ultimately, I always love him
because he finally got me
to stop procrastinating...
- Right, right.
- And actually do something.
People told me, like,
years later, you know.
He's like, "You know,
Patrice gives you credit for"
for getting him started
in comedy,"
and I'm like, "Really?"
Damn, I could have
been using that. [Laughs]
♪ ♪
I got into this business
'cause I was a funny person,
and this was the natural,
you know,
progression to a funny person
can actually make money.
You know, if there was
no such thing as comedy,
I'd just be a funny guy
working at the supermarket
or whatever.
Thank you. Thank you.
When we first met,
I just started doing comedy.
I started in '92, and I think
he started sometime in '93,
and I was at the Comedy
Connection, Faneuil Hall,
and he was a door guy there.
I don't remember
that he was particularly funny
when I first talked to him.
I just knew that he was,
like, interesting.
Like, "Oh, who's this guy?"
I saw him once as a door guy.
And the next time I saw him,
I believe we were at Stitches.
And this was, like, a place
that new comics wanted to go.
We wanted to go
and, like, try to get,
you know, 5 or 7 minutes,
and I remember my first,
very first impression of him
is he kinda turned
to look at me to be like,
"Is this where we can hang?"
And I was like, "Yeah, yeah,
step right over here,"
and he stepped over,
and he was kind of whispering,
and he was like, "Oh, damn,
my first night in here."
Oh, how do they do it here?"
And, like,
we kind of just immediately
were going back and forth.
I said, "Oh, so you're here
to perform?"
"I hope so,"
and he put his hand out,
and it was Bruiser.
- What's up, guys?
What's going on?
- How you doing, Bill?
- What a show.
- I will tell you.
- Yeah. Hey, Patrice.
- What's happening?
- f*ck you!
Okay.
I'm going up on stage next,
make these people laugh.
I'm gonna bring the camera
right up with me.
I'm doing a documentary.
It's called
"The Decline of Comedy,"
and I'm looking
at the beginning.
- And the end.
- [laughs]
It was fun being together.
As soon as you saw Patrice
or Billy or Dane
or any of those guys,
that was the fun part of it
'cause we were in the car
just f*cking
making each other laugh.
[laughing]
That laugh,
that was my favorite thing,
and so those late nights after,
it was kind of like,
"Let's unwrap
what we did in comedy,"
but, oh, man, if you could get
Patrice on a roll,
you kind of felt like you
had two great shows...
you know what I mean,
you had the show, and then,
man, I made Patrice laugh,
like, the real Patrice laugh.
That was like a gift.
We would hang out until,
like, 2:00 in the morning.
Then I would drive Patrice home,
and I'd talk to him
for another hour in the car.
I remember when Patrice...
he would teach me sh*t.
I mean, he taught me stuff
about,
like, Black hookers.
[engine starts]
[indistinct chatter]
We were just sitting
in my car one night.
This older Black hooker came by.
He's like, "You know,
Black hookers don't go"
with Black dudes, right?"
I was like, "Shut the f*ck up."
He's like, "They don't.
They only go with white dudes."
They like white dudes."
I'm like, "You're lying."
He's like,
"I'm telling you, man."
He goes,
"White dudes don't negotiate.
You just tell them
how much it costs,
and they'll f*cking pay you.
Black dudes are going to,
you know, be like,
'Oh, I'll give you 10.'"
And I was like, "Bullshit."
Then he called her over.
He was like,
"Yo, come here for a second."
I remember she came over.
He was like,
"Yo, you go with Black dudes?"
She's like, "f*ck that."
[laughs]
I was like, "What?"
I don't mind a little racism.
I don't mind a little bit of it.
That's what makes America,
America, man.
I don't mind a little bit.
It's just I don't...
These fanatics, fanatical
racists, man, that say,
"Ah, we should have
never ended sl*very,
should have kept 'em slaves,
should have never freed 'em!"
Come on. Okay.
I don't care
what your degree
in racism is, right.
Think about this.
Racism or sl*very in 1994?
What the f*ck is that gonna be?
[imitating whip]
"Fax this, n*gga."
[laughter]
I remember watching him
and just thinking,
"Well, I'm not gonna be
the best comedian in Boston.
This guy is the best
I've ever seen."
And the joke I remember, I mean,
I remember most of the set,
but one joke he told,
he opened up by saying,
"I hate fat people."
[applause]
Like, you know, fat strangers,
they speak to me
in the middle of street
like we got some sort of,
you know, bond or something.
Like, you know, "Hey,"
you know, "Hey, I eat too."
I don't know you!
[laughter]
Every fat guy did fat jokes
back then, and they would k*ll,
and you made a great
living being the fat guy,
and then he went up there,
and he says,
"I hate fat people."
Get extra happy like,
"You know, hey,
big man,
represent, man, represent."
Ah, yeah, all right.
Represent what, you know,
you know, fat people?
When I become
the leader of fat people,
I don't want to lead
fat people nowhere.
What are we gonna to do, march?
The 1,000,000-pound march.
We're gonna walk...
[cheers and applause]
You know, like I'm Malcolm XXL
or something like, you know?
[laughter]
Hey, thank you very much.
Thank you. I appreciate it.
Thank you. Thank you.
I remember seeing him
maybe six or nine months
after the Malcolm XXL jokes,
and he was doing something
completely different.
He was doing longform,
and he was telling stories,
And I remember saying,
"He can go onto this new thing,
but he should still do the
Malcolm XXL because it kills."
And somebody said, "Gary,
he doesn't wanna be"
"the guy telling
the Malcolm XXL jokes.
He wants to be Pryor,"
And I thought,
"Oh, then he probably will be."
[laughter]
People are full of sh*t,
man, really.
Just be honest.
That's all I'm asking.
Like, I was on a train,
and the train stopped.
It was during, like, rush hour,
and no one knew
why the train stopped
till the conductor said,
"Folks, uhh...
"there may be
a half-hour delay in service.
A woman just was struck
and k*lled by the train."
Everybody went...
"[gasps] My God."
[laughter]
[applause]
[mouthing]
And I'm sitting there...
why don't you just be honest
and do what you wanna do and go,
"Oh, my God, this dead bitch
is holding up my dinner!"
[laughter]
Damn, how long does it take
to move a face off the tracks?
A half hour?
[laughter]
I remember one time, he goes,
"You gotta be the f*cking truth.
"Be the truth up there, man.
Be the truth.
"Stop trying to be what you
think that they want you to be
"or what you did last week
that...
"Be the f*cking truth.
Be the truth right now,
how you feel right now."
And that was his secret sauce.
That was the trick.
If he was whimsical,
he was whimsical on stage.
If he was feeling
frustrated and annoyed,
he'd bring that to the stage.
Can't remember
the exact material,
but I just remember
falling over laughing
and thinking he was
so provocative
but in a way
that made you love him.
What people talked about,
and they talked about him,
it wasn't just that he was good.
It was like,
"This guy's different.
This guy is sort of insanely
different, and he's good."
You know, we always like
to break young talent.
We've done it with every show,
but this guy, I read
about in "The Globe,"
and I heard about him from
some of the other comics
in town.
Very funny guy.
We're happy to have him here,
Mr. Patrice O'Neal,
ladies and gentlemen, yes.
[light rock music]
♪ ♪
Hey. Yeah!
f*ckin' A.
Whole lot of white people,
whole lot.
Plenty.
Make me feel uncomfortable.
That's all right.
You know what's good
about having
a lot of white people like this?
I can see my mother.
[laughter]
- [laughs, claps]
- Which, by the way, was true.
When you looked, she was
literally the only Black person
in this sea of 15,000 people.
They knew I was in the audience
because Boston, you know, is...
[laughs]
Boston is Boston.
As far as, like,
what was the racial dynamic of
Boston stand-up when we came
in, it was non-existent.
It was just all white guys
and, like, maybe
a half dozen female comics.
He was doing material
that crowds in Boston
weren't really
accustomed to seeing.
Part of his charm was this
big looming presence
and as a Black man, big Black
man just coming on stage
and immediately
talking about race.
When I was growing up,
I had a r*cist camp counselor.
[laughter]
[exhales]
He was cool.
I thought he was r*cist...
I was, like, one of those city
kids that's sent to a camp.
You know, it was
all suburban kids and stuff
and get that different exposure
or whatever.
It was cool.
The problem was at night,
I couldn't sleep because
he was singing lullabies
to the kids
and crickets...
[imitates crickets]
And leaves blowing in the wind,
and one night, I just said...
I wasn't...
I just said, "Excuse me, sir."
"Sir, I can't sleep.
"Please, help me.
I can't get any rest, man.
"These sounds, these... I can't...
"Please, please help me
get some rest.
"Can you do something?
These sounds...
I can't sleep. Please,"
And he said,
"Sure, little fella.
"No problem 'cause
we're all family here.
[imitating police siren]
[Indistinct]
Freeze! Get against the wall!
Get on the f*ckin' wall!
[laughter]
You sleepy yet, son?"
Where Bruiser gets most
of his racial animus
is because of what happened
with that whole
Charles Stuart thing.
Police, Boston,
record emergency, 510.
- My wife has been sh*t.
I've been sh*t.
Charles Stuart told the
dispatcher from his car phone
that he and his pregnant wife
Carol had just been abducted,
robbed, and sh*t.
He said they were sh*t
by a Black man.
This man k*lled his wife,
his pregnant wife,
and he was able to say
a Black man did it,
and the police department
in Boston
tore up the communities
looking for this phantom.
The night it went down,
we were coming
from Northeastern gym,
so as we were walking home,
that whole thing had
just popped off, I guess,
and the police
were in their lockdown state,
and we got jammed up
behind that.
[siren chirps, radio chatter]
Bruiser and I both
were held at gunpoint.
The police were actually
pulling down their jeans
and checking them
in the middle of the street.
The way we were treated
and the way
we were handled in that moment,
I think,
had a visceral effect on him.
- White women make me nervous.
I'm horrified at white women.
Not now, 'cause
there's witnesses,
but I'm talking about...
[laughter]
I'm talking about at night,
you know what I mean?
You walk somewhere,
and a white woman
is coming towards me,
and she's looking at me,
and she's maybe a little like,
"Oh, my God, Jesus,
he's a big guy.
I'm scared,"
and I'm kind of in
the same mode in my mind like,
"Oh, Jesus Christ,
I hope nothing happens
to her around me.
If she gets k*lled, let her get
k*lled away from me.
I don't want to get blamed,"
like, I'm always prepared, too.
I always have an alibi.
Like, I keep my receipts
all day long.
I just have a pocket
full of receipts,
just a trail of where I've been
just in case a cop is like,
"Where was you at 6:00?"
I'm like, "Ohh, uh...
"I was buying a CD."
And I make sure
when I bought that CD,
people in the store remember me.
I'm as loud and obnoxious
as possible,
"And I'm buying
this g*dd*mn CD!"
I remember driving home
one night,
and he was trying to have me...
like, he was trying to guess
which comics he thinks
regularly say the N word.
[laughter]
And he was doing it
in this funny way,
and I was just
throwing out names
because it kind of became
like a game.
He said, "Oh, that
m*therf*cker, you can tell"
"by his f*ckin' shoes
and his tight-ass jeans.
"He probably wakes up,
that's part of his yawn
or something like that,"
and it's just...
He had me dying laughing,
and it was one of those things
where I think
I was really young
where I was just kind of,
like, going,
"Oh, wow, this is cool.
This sounds like, you know,
those Richard Pryor albums
that I heard
when I was growing up."
You know, I didn't understand,
like the...
like, the pain
that was causing him.
The first time we all
drove down, me,
Dane, Billy, Patrice,
we all came down together
in this one truck,
I think Dane's girlfriend's
f*cking big SUV
or whatever the f*ck it was.
I remember we all went down,
and we all just went
to the Cellar.
Just kinda stood there and...
Okay, then we all went up
to the Strip
and just stood there.
None of us were in.
Went to the Boston Comedy Club
and kind of just hung out there
for a little bit,
and then we went to a peep show.
He was coming back
and forth a lot.
Then I say,
"You just move to New York.
If you want to come through,
I have room for you,"
so he said, "All right,"
and then he ended up moving in,
in my kitchen.
That was his little thing,
pull the curtain up.
It was just bad.
[laughs]
I mean, I started in Boston,
but I made my bones, I think,
you know, I grew up
in the Boston Comedy Club
in New York, probably.
They gave me more time.
They gave me more space.
You know, I was able to kinda
really work out
what's on your mind
without, you know,
endangering your career.
Boston Comedy Club was
real hot at that time.
Everybody there was k*lling...
Dave Chappelle,
Dave Attell, Jay Mohr.
Louie CK was coming through,
and I see a look
in Patrice's eyes
'cause I said,
"Yo, you wanna go on?"
He said, "Nah, nah,
nah, nah, nah, I'm not ready."
I think that's the last time
I've ever seen
Patrice be humble. [Laughs]
When he came to New York,
he wasn't one of these guys
that had
that dirty word, potential.
It's a dirty, dirty word.
It means you're not there, bro.
If we walked in a room,
I remember I was thinking,
"Okay, here he is.
There's only one wolf.
It ain't me anymore."
I remember the first time
I watched him
do a set in that club,
and it was just, you know,
kind of when you see somebody
and you're like,
"Oh, my God, this is amazing.
I can't believe
this is somebody
I haven't seen before."
He was doing material
about being a Black man
and, you know, if a...
Like, he would never litter.
That was it.
Like, I don't litter.
I don't throw garbage
in the street
not 'cause I care
about the Earth,
but I'm afraid that I'm gonna
be walking through the park
drinking a soda or something,
and I'm done,
I just throw it
over my shoulder.
It'll fly over a bush
and roll down a hill
and land on some
dead white woman's head
with my fingerprints
on the f*cking can.
[laughter]
Now I'm the Pepsi-Cola r*pist
'cause I'm f*ckin'...
'cause I'm lazy.
I've never seen him
with a piece of paper.
I never see him wrote
a joke down.
I never heard him go, "Yo,
do you think this is funny?"
He would do everything
in the form of philosophy.
He would just be like, "Yo,
Bobby, you see this chick?"
She was, you know,
f*ckin' a dog."
I'd be like, "What?"
He would be like, "Yeah!"
And all of a sudden,
he'd be talking about it like,
"Yeah, but if you came in...
"I know, but one second.
"If you came in...
just hear me out.
"If you came in
"and for one second you got
a little heartbeat
in your d*ck,
does that make you f*ck... ""
Then he'd go on stage that night
and bring all
these conversations
he had about this subject.
Whatever the f*ck it was,
he would bring it up on stage
and kinda do that on stage.
You can kind of hear
that in his comedy.
I'm a dictator, a commentator.
I'm so absorbed
when I'm up there.
I don't have... it's really...
it's like, you are doing
what I want you to do.
Like, even when people come in
the audience and they get mad,
I'm like, "Do you want me to...
what you want me do?"
"Did you want me to, like,
send you an e-mail early
to let you know
what I wanna talk about?"
I always see how fast
I can piss off a crowd
and see if I can
bring them back.
It may not happen because
there's not a lot of y'all,
and it's not good.
Yeah, you know, well,
let's just continue
to talk to you then.
[laughter]
I'm not a big fan
of making people laugh
every five f*ckin' seconds.
Like, I'm not even...
I don't even see myself
as an entertainer.
Like, I realize I don't really
like entertaining people.
Like, I realize I'm not gonna
try to do everything I can
so you can have a good time.
Like, I think a juggler
is an entertainer
'cause he just does
what he does,
you know, a magician,
but, like, I don't think a good
comedian entertains anybody.
Look at that serious
face over there.
Not you, this f*cking lady
with the...
Oh, what... oh, you got
really mad. Go ahead.
Like, you know,
you know, sometimes I like
running people out my show.
Get out. Go.
All right, bitch. Here.
[laughter]
She leaves, then you give it
to her outside.
[laughter]
[cheers and applause]
I hope you go someplace
and have a lot of fun!
Stand-up is really about
dissecting humanness,
you know,
the flaws of being human.
And as I watched Patrice,
it was a very honest take
on sort of this destructive
human being that's on stage,
and for me,
that was interesting to watch.
I met Patrice at a college gig,
and he was such an assh*le.
I don't remember when I started
liking Patrice or why.
[laughter]
When did I first meet
Patrice? I don't even know.
All's I know is all of a
sudden, we're good friends.
[laughter]
Patrice, Keith, Nort and myself
would just hang outside
Boston Comedy Club
till 3:00 in the morning
just trashing each other,
and people would stick
their head out the window,
yell, "Shut up!"
You know,
people are trying to sleep.
End of '99, 2000 is when
I started going to New York,
and I was introduced
to Patrice O'Neal.
Patrice was the name
that you needed to know,
so I was very kind,
and in return, I got,
"Who's this dummy? Ugh."
That's what I remember, "Ugh."
[laughs]
- [laughs] Nothin'!
You gotta go.
I have things to do.
Patrice O'Neal at that time
was an assh*le.
I'm pretty sure there's
some people that are lying
on this documentary
to talk about how sweet he was
'cause in death, you say
good things about people.
But in the vein
of Patrice O'Neal,
I'll keep it honest.
He was a f*cking assh*le.
But he was a funny assh*le.
He was a likable assh*le,
and he had the honest voice.
My favorite memories besides
my kids being born
and my ex-wife leaving me
were hanging out with our crew.
Just hanging out
in the Comedy Cellar.
They used to have a table
in the back.
It was like Patrice, Bobby,
Kev, Colin, Billy,
Norton, Keith.
What was good about
being in with that crew
is that we let nobody
get away with nothing.
We used to f*ck
with each other bad.
Me and Norton and them,
we used to have Hack Court,
- where we would...
- Oh, is that great!
Oh, Hack Court, yeah.
We would put
your bit up on trial.
- Like, you go...
- Oh, that's so cruel.
"I think that this bit
sucks that you do."
What was so funny about him
being such a d*ck to people
and breaking their balls
just because no matter
what he said,
everybody knew
that he was better than them.
[laughs]
It made us tough.
And it made us more comfortable.
There was nothing
that you could say to any of us
that would bother us.
♪ ♪
I remember one of my spots
at the Boston Comedy Club.
I'm excited.
I got a spot!
It's, like, four people
in the crowd, maybe five.
Nobody's laughing.
Back of the room,
I hear, "Ugh."
At this point, I'm sweating.
I'm just nervous.
And then
out of nowhere, "Boom!"
Patrice and I, from the back
of the room,
are heaving f*ckin'
phone books at Kevin Hart.
And Patrice said,
"Call anybody in there
"and ask them
if you made the right decision.
This ain't for you, man! Ugh."
Ugh, and they all walked out
the door one by one.
"Boo, boo."
[laughter]
We would sit there,
and comics would walk in,
see all of us and look
and just make a U-turn and say,
"f*ck it.
I'm not going back there,"
'cause they knew they were
gonna get f*cking beaten down.
- I used to do that.
- You used to walk away?
I used to come down,
and I would have, like,
I would have five insults ready
for everybody
just to get you off me
so I could come down and see
what time I was going on.
Patrice b*at down Eddie Ifft
so bad
no one else could say anything.
He'd call him Eddie Ugh.
He'd b*at him down
for 45 minutes.
One of the funniest lines
he ever had,
Eddie was going back and forth,
and Eddie is like,
"I do a lot of colleges,"
and Patrice said, "Yeah,
you do PU 'cause you stink."
[laughter]
PU.
- You're lying.
You did good, man.
He's, like,
speechless right now.
- f*cking zero convention.
Come on. Let's go.
- A zero convention.
- Why with the phony act?
[laughter]
[overlapping chatter]
This here is a zero convention!
[laughter]
There was no elitism
in Patrice,
but I think there's just...
You have to be a certain
type of person
wired in a similar way
to Patrice to handle him.
Being funny, you gotta
take chances,
and sometime a chance you take
may hurt somebody's feelings,
and you go,
"Oh, I went too far,"
but you want that laugh, too.
- Really?
- He had a big heart,
but he didn't show it.
He had armor around it,
but if you got to know him
and he liked you,
he would do a lot for you.
He was loud, and he's 6-7,
so that's
automatically intimidating.
So when you got into just a
discussion with him sometimes,
some people thought this was
a serious argument,
But it's not.
This comedy thing,
a lot of it's a mask.
You know, we're all
assholes together
and assholes to people.
But deep down,
he was a good person.
♪ ♪
I remember one time
he was on the phone.
He was in his car.
He was driving, and he said,
"Yeah, yeah, yeah,
I ate her p*ssy out.
"That's what I thought.
I always eat the p*ssy out.
"Yeah, well, then if she don't
want to suck my d*ck,
"I don't care. I'm still
gonna eat her p*ssy out.
Right. All right.
I'll talk to you later,"
And I go, "Yo, who was that?"
He goes, "That was my mom."
Everything, he talked about
everything because he lived
in the truth about who he was.
I remember the first time
I got my assh*le licked.
I cried like a... I was like...
I made a sound like this.
I went... [moans]
I was mad at her and loving her
at the same time.
He tells one story
about his first p*rn book
which happened to be my book,
"Our Bodies, Ourselves,"
and he read
that book back to back,
and then he would talk
about things out of that book.
"Oh, my favorite is this,
and my favorite is that,"
and it taught him about women.
I remember when I started
poking, first touch a p*ssy.
Like, I remember I hit the
little ball
in the back of the...
I didn't know what it was.
You remember the little...
remember you first hit the ball?
I thought it was her kidneys.
I was like, "What... is that?"
"What the f*ck is that?
Is that your liver?
I just touched
a ball in your p*ssy."
And I'm just poking,
getting carpal tunnel syndrome
and sh*t just...
That's not my steez no more.
Mine's is this.
Mine's is what I guess they
call it
the come here, the change.
They call it
reach for the change.
[laughter]
Just slide it in,
and you just... [imitating]
And you can just hear...
[imitating]
I remember watching Patrice's
set one day
and grabbing my chest,
and that's something you do
when you get old.
That's a old woman or old man
trait when you're, "Oh, God."
Man, I love
stinkin'-ass b*tches, man.
Like, spitters and too...
Yeah, I like girls
that spit, gag... [retches]
[laughter]
But my d*ck ain't that big,
so if a girl gag on my d*ck...
[retches]
I'll be like, "For real?"
He was funny about sex.
He tried to get my wife
into swinging. It's like...
- You ever been a mistress?
Be honest.
You ever been a side girl?
You ever mess with a guy
that had a girlfriend?
- No.
- Never? You never did?
There's girls out there that
sleep with women's men, right,
and they feel bad.
What about them?
I want to love her too.
I don't want to just
f*cking go over to her house
at 2:00 in the morning
and f*cking drink
her orange juice.
[laughter]
Talk to her for 30 seconds
and get the f*ck out there
to go home to my real woman.
I wanna bring you there,
introduce you to my girl.
Maybe y'all will get along.
There's no big secret
about Patrice.
That's an ongoing question.
Was he different on stage
or on TV versus at home?
No. [Laughs]
He was that all the time.
I get mad at my girl
'cause I look at myself naked,
and I go,
"I would never f*ck me."
[laughter]
Then I start looking
at her like,
What's this bitch up to?
She just love me.
I don't deserve
her f*cking love.
g*dd*mn.
When we first met, I don't
think he liked me very much,
but there was something
about him that I liked
because he just
had that presence.
You know, he was confident.
He was charming, but, yeah,
it was a slow process of us
getting to the point
where we were in a relationship.
We didn't have sex
for, like, the first year.
Oh, he didn't have sex
for a year?
That's a good question.
I know I wasn't having sex.
He probably was.
Listen, how long have y'all
been together?
- Almost two years.
- Almost two years.
You sure?
All right.
'Cause my girl has been
with me for eight years.
I've been with her for three.
- That was our life, you know.
Our life was material.
Our life was on stage.
- Let me ask you a question.
Here's a question.
Here's a question.
Serious question.
Okay, ladies,
if you didn't have a vag*na,
like, say there was
a terrible train accident,
right, and the doctor was like,
"We have to remove
your p*ssy right away,
or you're gonna die."
How would you keep your man
past...
you get a two-month guilty,
"I can't leave the bitch
right away
'cause she just lost her p*ssy
in a train accident"?
[laughter]
Can't just walk
right out on her.
How would you keep your man
past that
if you didn't have a vag*na?
[audience shouting]
Suck his d*ck, okay, mouth.
[audience shouting]
assh*le, okay, great.
You see what I'm saying?
Now I've been
getting p*ssy beamed
the whole show, right,
but I give women
an opportunity to say,
"I'm going to make
myself worth,"
but you just classified
yourself as a series of holes,
but, you know, I'm...
[cheers and applause]
I'm supposed
to treat you special,
but you're just a bunch
of holes to yourself.
[laughter]
No one said
learn how to play Xbox,
learn how to play pool,
tell better stories,
get another bitch that got
a p*ssy to come on in.
[laughter]
When you listened to him,
you really felt like
you were taking the red pill.
"Oh, I can see now," you know,
"This is how it really is."
Is that the right one,
the red pill?
I never know if it's the red
or the blue.
[rock music]
♪ ♪
Welcome to "Tough Crowd," folks.
The vision of "Tough Crowd"
was a combination
of the Comedy Cellar table
and the fact that it was
the beginning of people
being offended
and political correctness.
Yet, I'd walk to the bathroom
at the Comedy Cellar,
you have to use the bathroom,
and there would be
people on stage
saying all these things
that were supposedly offensive
to a very multinational,
multiracial crowd,
and everyone's laughing,
so I was like,
"Wait, this should be
at least shown."
You know,
so that was the vision to me.
The hell did you just say?
I don't even know
what you just said.
[laughter]
First of all,
here's the reason...
This is what white people
don't understand.
White people have been
stealing stuff for years.
You took Jesus.
You took rock and roll,
tried to claim it's yours,
and I'm saying you
as the same color, not Irish.
White people would be slaves
if they could just to steal it.
[laughter]
You got a whole thing
developed 'cause of a dynamic
that was started
by Patrice O'Neal.
"Tough Crowd,"
he would stand up.
- Oh!
- Shut your mouth, stupid.
- Oh, my God!
That's the [BLEEP].
Look! Listen!
Shut up!
You're 14, drinking coffee!
I remember the first couple
episodes, we were all going,
"He's hogging
the g*dd*mn camera."
John didn't even believe
a word he's saying,
just wrote it,
and he was stuck by it.
- Goddammit!
- I think he and Colin, too,
wanted... they wanted
an honest discussion,
but you're gonna be working
with comics that don't know,
that just learned about
the Iraq w*r last night
while they were doing
their homework
after they got
the list of topics.
Shut the [BLEEP]...
Shut up, Laurie!
He had an instant opinion.
Great comics
have instant opinions.
Ask 'em something.
They'll tell you,
and it's probably not what
you thought it was gonna be.
I love Bush.
You're not condemning him
for that, are you?
Look, if we die,
everybody else dies.
That's why I like George W.,
GW, 'cause if we die...
- Jesus Christ, shut up!
Shut up!
- Everybody else dies.
- He's right.
- If we die, everybody else dies.
- Christ!
My memories of Patrice
on "Tough Crowd" is, like,
that first of all,
half the comedians
wanted to k*ll him,
and they wanted to k*ll me
'cause I indulged him.
He was, like, I let him get
away with m*rder on that show.
Many of you hate me because
some of your favorite comics
come on the show,
and they can't get
a word in edgewise.
Trust me.
They ain't got nothing to say.
But it's because it was so
compelling and interesting
to watch somebody working
that I was like,
"All right. Let him finish.
I want to see where this goes."
If Black people had one face
to call the leader of race,
like, of sl*very, like,
'cause it's too broad.
We just hate too many of you.
If y'all, if you just made,
like,
one dude with a funny mustache
and a big bike, like,
"He was the dude
that made sl*very!"
We'll be like, "All right.
We hate him,"
and then we can move on!
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
That's very smart.
"Tough Crowd"
was my thing, man.
I loved it with all my heart.
I haven't done anything
since that I love as much
as I love "Tough Crowd."
[laughs]
What is was is, like, for me,
I would love
to tell my point of view
no matter what it is
and just really talk sh*t
and tell my opinion.
I'm going to strap one of
your jokes to myself
and run through Palestine.
He changed the dynamic
of the room,
but I honestly think
it has something to do
with being an original thinker,
and it's so rare
that people are
really attracted to it.
Ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome Patrice O'Neal.
[cheers and applause]
We'd hustle to, you know,
open up any opportunity,
any door we could,
and at that time,
he walked through,
and he pretty much
walked through any door
that, you know,
presented itself.
- So, acting...
- Seven years, man,
that sh*t ain't no joke.
- Damn
- Oh, damn.
Little ass teeth,
he's got dolphin teeth.
[laughter]
We had him on two
animated shows...
[BLEEP] you, bitch.
And "Arrested Development."
Bananas, where banana
is our business.
May I interest you
in a banana this day?
T-Bone, what are you doing here?
Oh, your dad gave me this job.
He had a lot of fans
in the business early on,
people who really wanted
to champion him.
I'm Patrice O'Neal,
and I'm your host of VH1
And in "The Office,"
that was the case.
- Damnit, Michael.
Pay attention, man.
But from my understanding of it
was that he was
just exhausting on set.
You know, that was it.
He'd just give everybody sh*t.
His thing was
he didn't like lesser...
talent telling him what to do.
You know what I mean?
[laughs]
We were sitting in between
takes one time,
and he just expressed to me
that just certain people
he just didn't like,
like, telling him,
"And this is, uh...
This is how it's done. Uh..."
That didn't sit well with him.
You know, folks, when friends
see other friends messing up,
you don't talk
behind their back.
You pull an intervention.
Patrice O'Neal needs my help.
He goes out to Hollywood
recently... this is all true,
doesn't get the fame
and money he deserves.
Why? He's got what they call
an attitude problem.
Let's take you back
to L.A. three weeks ago
and reenact Patrice
on the set of some TV show
he's doing a guest spot on.
First, you get there
early in the morning.
First person you meet is
the young production assistant,
an enthusiastic innocent,
usually.
Are you excited?
- [giggles]
It's six in the morning.
What are you... I don't...
No, I'm not excited.
All I'm doing is three lines
on this stupid show.
What are you doing? You're just
the call-sheet girl.
- Well, I just...
- Well, you just what?
You're meaningless.
Your life...
You're a phony. b*at it.
Oh, my God.
What?
I'm just trying
to help her, Colin.
[laughs] He really believes
he's trying to help her,
and you people are saying,
oh, we made up the dialogue.
She was being a phony.
That was a nice version
of what he said to her.
- It was six in the morning.
- Patrice's flaw was...
he didn't want to succumb
to what he felt
was the bullshit
of the business.
Okay, let's say
the show's star showed up.
- Oh.
- Hey, man. How's it goin'?
- Hey, man.
Hey, everything's cool,
but that script,
that sucks, man.
Some of those things
were the baby steps
that should've been taken
to ignite
the next levels of his career.
I just don't think
that he ever gave
that side of it a true chance.
He went after everybody.
He went after people in the
business who could hurt him.
He went after directors
and producers.
You know, I was on the set
of "Furry Vengeance" with him,
and I wanted to choke him.
You know, it was me and him.
We're doing
this dumb film together.
Then we're sitting there,
and the director
is telling us something.
- Real quick, wait.
After the jump...
And Patrice is making it known
that he was disgusted.
And I'm like,
"What the f*ck is he doing?
He's gonna get fired,"
and I'm saying to him,
"What are you doing?"
He didn't give a sh*t.
He was letting
the director know.
"Ugh!"
He just couldn't...
Patrice lived his life
as if he thought
a movie of his life
would be shown
to his friends after,
and he'd get called out
if he didn't talk sh*t
when he was supposed to.
♪ ♪
Hey, my name is Patrice O'Neal,
and I've been fighting
with crackers my whole life,
and it's gotten me no place.
I just wish I'd have took
some time to understand them
a little bit more.
I wonder what my life
would've been.
- Perfect.
- Hey, let's get it.
He had an opportunity with
Comedy Central to do a pilot...
Now pay attention.
Which turned out
to be a disaster. He just...
He believed in his idea so much,
and he just saw it
all falling apart.
- One, two?
- I liked one thing.
I wrote a few pilots for him,
and he kinda made me a partner.
Network execs were so put off
by him, and, like,
sitting in meetings with him
that you think
would be going
so well, like, oh, slam dunk,
we're totally
getting this pilot,
and then he would just...
be extra him all of the sudden,
and we just...
Oh, you could just see
the deals and see, like,
the possibilities
just completely disappear
because of it.
Sure, do you know
what you're gonna say?
Nope.
As a Black guy
coming to a business like this,
when you meet with folks,
mostly white,
that don't know you,
you don't know them,
so how do you come across
to someone that's not familiar?
The frustration
is the adjustments
that you feel as though
you gotta make
and adjustments that
you actually got to make,
it's a mind-f*ck,
And then it's a long journey
to yourself again.
- Come over here. I wanna show
you something: The future.
[organ music]
That man had real talent, man.
He was my idol coming up, man.
- Shut up, stupid.
- You see, Patrice?
Your friends can't believe
you d*ed. They're very sad.
You d*ed of poverty because
nobody wanted to do a show
with a 300-pound angry
you-know-what.
What is it that you're trying
to do here? What are you...
- That's a good question.
- Yeah.
I'm not impressed
with making it.
Like, I don't...
But at the same time, Ron,
I don't wanna be
no martyr, either.
I hate when people... when
people... I'd rather some people
come up to me and be like,
"You suck," other than going,
"You're the best comic
I ever seen,"
and then I dig in my pockets,
I go, "Really?"
- Yeah.
- That's my struggle is...
All right, I'm just gonna
do it for the money.
'Cause my mother... everybody
wants me to do it for the money.
See, a lot of things
in this game is weird
is they try to give you
golden handcuffs all the time,
and golden handcuffs is when,
like, if you're out of control,
somebody just gives you
something to control you,
so if you've got nothing,
they give you five Gs,
give you something,
make you scared
of losing five Gs,
and then they start...
That's how they b*at you
into being a sl*ve.
It's like, "Hey, man.
We're gonna give you this,"
but you're gonna have
to spin in a circle
and do this on top of your head
and spin it."
Nah, nope,
Nah, I ain't gonna do it.
Patrice had a very clear
idea of the kinds of material
he wasn't interested in,
but he was also torn.
He was torn between
wanting to have attention
and wanting to have success
and not caring about having
attention or having success.
You know, it's...
I mean, it's difficult
to tell the truth,
but you gotta start telling
the truth 'cause it kills you.
It takes something out of you
when you are phony.
You know, I'd rather die
than be phony, really,
'cause it kills me, and I'm...
there's nothing worse.
Like, I'm depressed,
but I'm not suicidal.
Do you know how, like,
horrible existence
that is, is being
wanting to k*lling yourself,
but you just can't,
you won't k*lling yourself?
Do you understand what that is,
so I have to figure out a way
to make myself happy,
and that's not to lie.
You know, comedy is an
interesting phenomenon in that,
really, to do
the best work in the art form,
you really have to not give a
sh*t about what anybody thinks.
But you're in show business,
and what people think is
your bread and butter.
- So say that again. I'm sorry.
- I know my history.
I know my propensity,
what I am inclined to do
or inclined to be, so I'm, like
if I can't present myself
a certain way
'cause I know my inclinations
to be who I am
would destroy that anyway.
Like "Web Junk."
I used to do "Web Junk."
You know, I was
the "Web Junk" guy.
Hey, everybody.
You know.
I probably
could've been a celebrity
if I just hung in there
and stayed doing "Web Junk,"
But then I woulda had
18-year-old girls at my show,
at my live show, going,
"This is not funny.
This is not the
'Web Junk' guy."
I think this is weird.
I don't know."
He's talking about f*cking
fingers in girls' butts,"
and it just sounds stupid.
I don't want..."
His ultimate mission was to
be himself and be honest.
That's the thing
that rang out from him.
That's the thing...
That's the force
that he couldn't turn off,
and that directed him,
and then that...
Sometimes, that path
and that force,
which was stronger
than his desire to make it,
would clash and hinder
the one to make it in comedy
and be in show business.
I remember when he got
the Showtime thing.
He was staying at my house.
He was screaming,
got into a big fight
with the production,
the director.
I remember he cried
'cause he was like,
he's like,
"Why can't I just be me?
Why do I have to f*cking fold
for these people?"
In comedy, he always knew
what he f*cking wanted.
He said no to so many people
'cause he just didn't
want to do it.
I mean, he told f*ckin' Puffy
no, Spike Lee no.
He told f*cking major players,
- "No, that's not what I"...
- He made mistakes.
- Yeah, but some of that...
- He made mistakes.
Some of that was fear...
fear of failing, and, like,
when you're actually up to bat,
and now it's your turn,
then you do it,
and it's right there,
and you're saying,
"Hey, you're the guy,"
and now you got to perform,
and I think a lot of it was,
like,
"Am I going to be
really good at this?"
Yeah.
The thing is with that,
you know,
I don't wanna set myself up
for a fall from grace,
meaning that you get caught
being who you are,
like Pee-wee Herman
jerking off in public.
That's what he is,
but he was being a kids'
superstar, and it's like this:
When I do my sh*t
I want to make sure, like...
"Web Junk" would've been
my Pee-wee Herman
'cause I have the propensity
to jerk off in public,
so I gotta find out who the f*ck
is gonna ride with me
as who I am.
Mm-hmm.
Rich Vos is in the studio.
Vos, what's up, man?
He looks like, like,
a proud papa...
I'm not a proud poppa.
'Cause he's introducing
Patrice to Ant and I
and our listeners.
Patrice is a really funny guy.
Is he funnier than you?
- Yes.
[laughter]
"O and A" was a hugely popular
radio show
in the shock-jock genre.
It was a place
for a lot of comics
to showcase their talents.
I like when Vos is plowing
through the
same old crap, and you're...
- "The same old crap."
- It's awful, isn't it?
And he won't write.
Lenny Bruce got more new jokes.
[laughter]
It was just like doing
"Tough Crowd,"
hanging at the Cellar.
It's just us hanging out,
and now we're on radio.
He fell in love. Norton got
dumped by a prost*tute.
Patrice was the most honest
person I ever met in my life.
He knew where the gray areas
were in topics,
and he explored that
all the time.
Patrice has a very
interesting way...
Holy sh*t.
- To look at women.
- I told my girl
she's the fourth most
important thing in my life.
- Fourth.
- I look at, like, the whole
kinda radio era
and all that stuff was like...
It was like a show.
And I'ma tell you what
the three ahead of her was.
- I'll guess.
- It was me, my career...
- Family?
- My mother, and then her.
Jesus. [Laughs]
Then she goes, "I consider
you to be the person"
"I'm gonna grow old with,
so I kinda put you ahead of,
like, my mother or whatever."
And I go, "Oh, wow, well,
thanks, but you're fourth."
[laughter]
And he was great at it.
I just didn't want to see him
become a crony.
Like, you're
the angry Black dude
who's gonna come in,
and you're hugely opinionated,
and I just knew
he was more than that.
All right. Let's get back
to the phones.
Let's go to John in Utah.
John?
Patrice saved my marriage.
I was the doting husband,
and it was all about her,
so I started going,
"Well, what would Patrice do?"
- What would Patrice do?
- It was bad at first,
but it's turned her around,
and we're happier
than we could possibly...
- Did you hear what he said?
We're happy.
A happy man
is a happy relationship.
A happy woman
is a miserable man.
You've got to do
a relationship-advice show
- for this channel.
- Oh, my God.
A lot of people are calling
you the Black Dr. Phil.
Black Dr...
[laughter]
What about women that settle
with these piece of sh*t men?
- Low self-esteem.
- Low self-esteem.
That's where a lot of
this anger comes from Patrice
'cause he has
low self-esteem, too,
and he's covering that
with his anger.
The thing is, I don't agree
with that
that's low self-esteem
for a woman
to be with a guy
who's an assh*le.
It's settling.
That's their innate nature
to wanna be with a guy
that they feel
is better than them.
I would never, ever date
a guy that's like that, ever.
That's why you don't have
love in your life.
Not true.
People think I'm a woman-hater.
I'm not a woman-hater.
I'm a woman-helper.
I like to help women.
I like to give them advice,
and as men,
we are so afraid of losing sex
that men cancel out their...
you have to say,
"Look, sweetie.
This is how it is."
It was red... I mean,
I didn't listen to it a lot
'cause it just didn't
make sense to me
'cause I know this idiot,
but he was through this...
I think he read that book,
the "Pimps Up, Ho's Down,"
Iceberg Slim or some sh*t,
and he adopted
a philosophy and sh*t.
There was a lot of dynamics,
like the dynamics
of happy life, happy wife
and guys kind of emasculating
themselves because of this.
That was kind of the movement,
to emasculate yourself,
and he was...
he felt like it was unfair.
I'm a complete misogynist
to my f*ckin'...
through my gut,
I am a misogynist.
I just believe in that.
I just think, men,
we're just... we're better.
[laughter]
And I'm not saying it like
no rah-rah sh*t.
We're just better.
[laughter]
The style of what he was
doing was not to make you feel
necessarily better
as a person or a human being.
It was supposed to get out
all of the ugliness
of relationships,
of the dynamics between female
and male and get it out there.
Not a lot of people
have patience for that now.
I love making m*therf*ckers
feel uncomfortable
because we don't need
to feel like this, dude.
We need to make them
feel uncomfortable. Be honest.
That's how
the relationship work.
I f*cking make my girl feel...
She hate me.
You can't even have
a relationship
if your girl don't hate you.
If your girl don't hate you,
your relationship is in danger.
She has to hate
your f*ckin' guts.
She has to hate
that she love you so much.
It was like he had this
one model
of what men
and women together are like,
and then he just kept b*ating
that same drum.
It's, like, ugh.
I love looking at women
when they go... [growls]
This is how we f*cking feel.
We don't like you because
of the way you're not laughing
at me is why we don't like you,
'cause you don't laugh
at nothin'.
Nothing's funny to you,
nothin', and you're not funny,
and then nothing funny is funny.
Female fans would come up
to me after shows and stuff
like,
"What the f*ck? How do you deal
with this every day?"
What the f*ck is wrong
with y'all?
And you're always trying
to f*cking push your girl-ness
into our world.
I'm not your friend.
And I would be like,
"What am I dealing with?
What is so wrong
with what I'm dealing with?"
I have a man that loves me,
that takes care of me,
that doesn't lie to me,
that doesn't cheat on me.
Sometimes, you know,
I get that p*ssy feeling
when I talk sh*t to me girl.
I tell her the truth
and all that, and she gets sad,
but I gotta stay on her
'cause she's abusive.
I just took it as,
this is just how he is.
This is just how he talks,
and I'm from that place
where that's how men talk,
not all of them,
but a lot of them, so...
[laughter]
Here's how crazy girls are.
I got my girl
cursing me the f*ck out
'cause she saw
some girl's boots in my closet.
It was some girl I used to date.
Her boots was in the closet,
and it was raining out.
She had these new shoes on,
so I said, "Hey, listen."
"I had another girlfriend,
you wear those boots.
They're rain boots."
She went crazy.
What the f*ck?
What're you gon' to do?
Have... what're you gon'...
What're you gon' do?
What, she's going to come back
and get the boots?
She was going off on me,
and then I was like,
"Wait a minute.
You got a kid that ain't mine."
[laughter]
Those boots don't ask you
to help with homework.
Bitch, I don't... [laughter]
Those boots don't
have nightmares
and I gotta talk the
m*therf*ckers through sh*t.
How dare you?
He was the first and only
other person
besides my father that my mom
had ever introduced me to.
And she's like,
"You know, hey, Aymil."
Her kid's name is Aymil.
"Aymil, this is Mr. P.
Mr. P"...
Aymil is like, "Hi, Mr. P."
I'm like, "Hey."
You know, in my head, I'm like,
"Hey, what's up,
other guy f*cked your mother?"
You know?
[laughter]
Patrice was around
for basically the majority
of my life... adolescence
and middle school life.
He, you know,
raised me through all of that.
This is how I'm being,
and she just keeps,
"Mr. P, hey! Hey!"
[laughter]
"I'm hungry, Mr. P."
Here's some food.
"That was good.
I love you, Mr. P."
You should.
[laughter]
I'm feeding someone else's kid.
You should be f*cking
very happy
I'm doing your daddy's work.
People may not agree with the
way he did things all the time,
but, you know,
Patrice making a joke
out of everything
really did help me
because he just showed me
that a lot of things
that I overreacted about
were not really
that serious, you know?
- "I love you, Mr. P."
I'm like, uhh.
[grumbling]
"You should."
And she laughs like,
"Ha-ha, you're funny,"
and I'm like,
"f*cking m*therf*cker."
Now I love the kid.
I love somebody else's
f*ckin' kid like it's my kid.
He wanted to be a good dad,
and he figured it out,
but we didn't feel like
we needed
to have kids of our own
to be a family,
and I remember,
I peed on a stick, and
I was like,
"Yeah, we're pregnant,"
[light music]
And we sat down, and he said,
"Listen. You're a woman.
I'm not going to tell you
what to do with your body.
But I want to be honest
and tell you
I don't feel comfortable
leaving you here with a baby."
He was like, "I'm not gonna
live a long life,"
and I can't leave you
like that."
So we didn't have the baby.
A couple weeks go by,
and I remember I was cleaning,
and I picked up
a bunch of change,
and I go to put it
in the drawer,
and I saw the stick,
the pregnancy stick,
and he was laying on the bed,
you know, watching TV
with the remote control.
And I turned around, I was like,
"You kept this?"
And he didn't even
look up at me.
He just kept, you know,
flipping channels.
He was like,
"Put that back in the drawer."
I was like...
And we never
talked about it again.
And that's another thing
that's f*cking me up, man.
I'm starting to think
about death, 'cause I'm 38,
and that's young, relatively,
but Black years,
you know, I'm... [laughter]
I'm an 186-year-old white man.
[laughter]
My f*cking girl's love
is tremendous.
I'll tell you a story,
and this is why
I try to try my best
to stay alive now.
When we f*ck, we're dirty.
Me and my girl are really...
Our filth level is on a...
We go out there,
so after a good sex session,
right after, she goes,
"I think you better
go to the hospital."
I go, "Why?" She was like,
"You know, your pee tastes
like birthday cake."
[laughter]
That's love, n*gga.
Like, she didn't go,
"Ew, you nasty m*therf*cker,
you peed in my mouth."
She just... "Ooh, that..."
It's delicious,
and it shouldn't be."
[laughter]
I remember one time
when we did a gig
at the Coconut Grove Improv,
and we were at the...
a wing place after,
where I'd go, and I'd get,
like, a dozen wings,
and he'd get,
like, two dozen wings
and then finish and be like,
"You want to get
some more wings?"
And so, we were
sitting there one night,
and he was like,
"Oh, man, diabetes, eh, eh."
But in classic Patrice
fashion, it was, like...
It was that,
then a joke and a tag,
and you're like,
"Okay, where's... okay."
I'm diabetic,
and that's that... [exhales]
That's one
of them diseases, like,
whatever, man, for real.
It's a f*cked-up disease,
but it's like, you know,
if you say, "Hey, man."
I got pancreatic cancer,"
everybody goes, "Oh, man."
You say diabetes, they go,
"Oh, really,
can't eat cookies, fatty?"
[laughter]
"Yeah, your sugar
is going up, huh?"
He would be talking and joking,
but the struggle with food
was a struggle.
And addiction is
a m*therf*cker, man.
You addicted to something...
some people still smoke.
That's heavy 'cause
if you smoke, you still...
You know you're gonna
get cancer. Like, you know it.
You can't even talk
to yourself, like,
and convince yourself
you won't get cancer.
You be like, "sh*t," you know?
Some people have addictions
to alcohol, dr*gs.
His was food, and he was
a great cook, so he loved food.
Just angry, man, because they
know they're k*lling themself.
It's weakness,
and I'm not saying that
to judge anybody who smokes.
I'm saying I f*cking saw
some white-chocolate-dipped
Oreo cookies.
But he was definitely trying
to figure it out.
We were vegan for three years.
So I started praying for help.
Like, I prayed to God
for help to not eat cookies.
Like, I was praying to God.
Like, I didn't pray
for a cure for nothing.
I didn't pray that the Haitian
people get food, nothing.
It was for me
to not eat cookies.
At one point in his career,
he would sit down on stage,
and people thought
he was doing that...
He told me that people thought
he was doing that
because that was,
like, his style,
but at that point in time,
he said he was depressed,
so he would just sit down.
So I understand m*therf*ckers
that can smoke
and be sucking in that poison
and still do it
because you just got
to tell yourself something.
Like, if I eat the cookie,
I say to myself,
you know what?
I don't need both my feet.
[laughter]
I ain't no ballerina.
I'll just...
Maybe God will take
the left foot,
and I can still drive.
[laughs]
It's f*cked up, being addicted.
If I wasn't a funny person
in this business,
I'd probably k*ll myself,
being that the level of respect
that I might get
as a comic in conjunction
with where I am in the business.
Only funny can keep me going.
I know there's times that if I
wasn't a funny m*therf*cker
and just laughed at just
how awful things were,
I'd k*lling myself. I know it.
Now I'm not suicidal,
but you feel where
a m*therf*cker that don't have
the fortitude of being funny
would take themselves out.
What have you been
wanting to do lately?
- Me?
- Yeah.
- Nothin'.
- Nothing?
I haven't been thinking
about anything.
Like, I need a break,
like, mentally.
Yeah.
I went to this company,
and it was, like,
the first company
that just wanted
to produce web series,
and I was like,
"Patrice, I have carte
blanche to, like, sign
and do whatever I want
with people,"
and he said, "I want to do this."
I want to do that.
I want to do that."
I'm like, "We can do it."
Hey, welcome to
"The Patrice O'Neal Show,"
brought to you exclusively
by the Vudu network.
A bunch of white guys
behind the scenes,
and I'm sure a Jew or two,
let me and my friends
kind of have their studios
and produce our own TV show
and do whatever
the f*ck we want.
Not many people get to say that.
[glass shattering]
[laughs]
You f*cking buncha
trying-to-make-it
m*therf*ckers. [Laughs]
You can just feel the smell
of desperation on all ends,
starting with me.
Maybe podcasts will do it.
[laughter]
Maybe that'll be my career move.
It's podcasting, yeah.
We didn't know
what we were doing.
He just knew that this was an
opportunity to be in control.
unga bunga!
We never had a bigger goal.
We were never like,
"This is gonna to make us."
I am Malcolm X.
Why? She hate noise!
The whole reason we did
the web series was just,
finally, like,
he was given the opportunity
to, like, say and do and create
things with the people
that he wanted
to create things with.
But I know a lot of stuff
about show business,
it messed with him a lot.
This was his stuff.
And he was
going to put it on the Internet
and see what happened.
No networks telling him
what he can and can't do.
He did that for free
for nearly a year.
[screaming, laughing]
I feel like it was almost
therapeutic for him, in a way.
I think in this business,
you've only got about four
or five times
to get on the amusement ride.
I think I've been
on the ride twice,
and the thing about
the roller coaster is...
It's interesting, it clicks up.
The click up is just great.
You're like,
"I feel this click up.
I feel it. I feel"...
- People are excited.
- Yeah, they see me.
They see I'm clicking up.
They see I'm on the come-up.
They feeling good.
It's feeling right.
Then you go, "Whee."
And you hold your hands up,
and then all the money
flies out your pocket,
and then everything is gone.
And then you... there's a long
line to get back on,
and then you're in the back
of the line going,
"This f*cking ride ain't even
that great,"
And you're like, "I don't know..."
If I get on the ride again,
dude,
I'm probably not going
to get back on,
but I gotta stand in line,
it's a long line,"
and I'm, like, just waiting.
I first met Patrice,
and I remember he told me,
"It's not gonna be easy
"because a lot of people
don't like me,
and I know I've pissed a lot
of people off in the business."
He did have a moment of...
where he was sort of
self-reflective, and he said,
"You know, I've pissed off
a lot of people."
I think there was
that moment of thawing out
that made him go,
"Ugh, I'm not that guy.
Like, I don't wanna
hurt people."
You know, you look at him with
his f*cking dog, he was gentle.
Like, there was a gentleness
to him, too.
The biggest thing that I was
focused on getting him
was a special because I think
the hour
is the most important thing
in a stand-up comic's career.
The one thing I know
was he was ready for it.
He had all of this material
that he had been working on
for years,
and he really... he was funny,
but it was profound.
It was thought-provoking.
It was everything that he is.
He was very excited about that.
This was like a, you know,
the crossroads for his career.
I got the chance to see
"Elephant in the Room"
being filmed, you know,
just being part of the family
that got to see it.
He was a little nervous.
You know, like,
you're straight up like,
"Why are you worrying about us?
We're fine.
"I'll get your mom there.
Don't worry about it.
"You know, the car is coming.
We'll be dressed.
We'll be there, man."
He kept saying,
"This could set me...
"If this doesn't go we'll,
"this could set me back
in comedy
and my career
for, like, seven years."
He was like, "I don't have
seven years left."
[upbeat music]
- I don't care who you are.
You're generally nervous
before
you're about to do an hour,
but in the case of Patrice,
he was very loose.
He was having fun.
[cheers and applause]
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Thank you.
[laughs]
I'm thanking one, in particular,
pair of titties
in the front row.
Thank you so much. Thank you,
audience coordinator,
for putting those titties up
in the front row.
God bless you.
[laughs]
He was revealing.
He was very forthright
about who he was,
and he had a point of view
about all of this stuff.
The race material in there
in particular is so smart.
- Congratulations, my friend.
Very good, yo.
Congratulations to you,
my friend.
Look at that white woman
you're with. God damn!
[laughter]
You know how you can tell
how pretty a white woman is,
the value?
You look at her,
and then you wonder how long
they would look for her
if she was missing.
[laughter]
I saw you look mad, sweetie.
How long...
If you was missing, how long
do you think they would?
How long do you think
they would?
Exactly. She don't even...
She went... [exhales]
[laughter]
You know the deal.
I ain't said nothing wrong.
A white woman's life
is valuable.
What's his name,
Joran van der Sloot, right?
We found out
he was a serial k*ller.
Man, he kills women.
That's what he do.
He do it well,
you know what I mean?
We know the girl that he,
you know, supposedly had...
What's the girl in Aruba?
Natalee Holloway, right?
But the one...
He just k*lled a girl in Peru.
What's her name?
Exactly.
[laughter]
He made everyone
feel comfortable, and then
he got white people to admit
that they were r*cist.
Like, he didn't even tell them,
"Oh, you don't know the name
of the Peruvian woman."
He got them to tell him.
- She's mad as hell.
f*ck that white bitch.
What about... Come on. Come on.
Ain't nobody looking for you.
I might look for you,
but the news ain't.
You...
Let's just be honest.
Look, I'm at an age now where,
[sighs]
Like, a lot of the things that...
I look back on the past, right?
Okay, I reflect.
You know, I'm 40,
and I'm going to tell you,
if you're over 40
and you're trying
to better yourself, just stop.
It's just... you're not
going to better yourself,
and when I say you're not
going to better yourself,
I mean better yourself,
like, go back to
when you tried to capture
the things you used to do
when you supposed to had did it,
but you didn't do it.
You feel me?
Like, I can't type,
but I didn't realize
how important typing
was till right now.
I f*cked up
all my good typing years
calling people gay
who was going to typing class.
It was just like
me and six other dudes, like,
"What you doing? Type...
You gonna be a secretary?
"What the..." [laughter]
[laughs]
And now I can't type.
He had reached that point
with that special
and with the material he was
working on and his performances
where he was
just getting better.
Now he really had all
the tools finely honed.
I thought he was
just taking off.
Let's discuss harassment
for a second.
Why can't...
I harass you?
[laughter]
Sometimes, sometimes?
I can never harass you, never?
I always say he was
like Socrates.
You know, like,
he had that Socratic thing
where he liked to ask questions
and then keep asking people
different questions
and then work spontaneously,
trying to provoke things,
trying to start things up,
you know.
I think you should be able
to comment
on any part of the body
that you see.
If you... I'm serious.
What's your name?
What's your name? Jeanie.
Now, Jeanie, no disrespect,
but if I work with you,
I should be able to walk in
and go,
"Oh, Jeanie, beautiful
titty meat you have there."
[laughter]
And...
'Cause I see that,
and I'm not being foul.
Just, you know, oh.
He really had a lot of fun
doing stand-up.
When I picture him on stage,
I always picture him...
the laugh he would do after
a crowd would either totally
get what he just said
or be like, "What the f*ck?"
Which I think a lot of times,
he liked that better.
Like, I think... Look, I think
there should be a holiday,
for lack of a better word,
Harassment Day, but not...
That sounds whatever,
but I mean, a day...
I say the Tuesday
before Thanksgiving,
and it's a beautiful day,
flowers and everything.
You buy her flowers.
You're just real cool.
You walk up. You're respectful.
You say, "Hey, how are you?"
And you go,
"Happy Harassment Day."
And you just... you, like, say,
"Listen,
I was wondering all year
if you would suck my d*ck
in the broom closet."
[laughter]
Hey, I got to go, man.
Y'all take care of yourselves.
Thank you.
Thank you very much.
[cheers and applause]
Thank you, guys.
- You know when a comic kills.
He k*lled.
And he said something that
I never expected him to say,
and we were in the hallway
at the backstage,
at the Skirball.
He was still there, but he was,
like, there was a car
waiting for him,
and there was people,
and he was going to go,
and I remember he was like,
"Jon, that was a good job, man,"
And I... like, it was sincere.
It wasn't... I was like, "Wow."
I remember when he
called me up, like,
"Keith, what is the barbershop
saying?"
'Cause I'd always tell him,
"If the barbershop
ain't talking,
nobody gives a sh*t."
And the barbershop was talking,
you know, like.
He had arrived to where
he wanted to be at
in the "Elephant in the Room."
He knew that was gonna
be the thing.
I'm very happy
with this special,
- I'm very happy with the...
- Well...
f*ckin' people that did it.
I'm excited,
and I'm never like that.
I don't... I really want
this thing to push.
Are you willing to play
the game
a little bit with these people?
- I want to, badly.
I'm trying,
but I think fame might call in
about six months to a year.
[somber music]
♪ ♪
He was right there in the chair,
not saying anything,
and, you know,
but for the first time
in the 10 years I knew him,
I saw a tear come down his face,
and I just wiped it off,
and I was like,
"Oh, no, no, no, no,
no, no, we're not doing that."
I got a phone call from Von,
and I took the phone call,
and when she said
he had a stroke,
I... I was numb.
I just remember I wanted
to get to him, but I couldn't.
I remember I just wanted
to go to him.
I think Jim Norton had
called me and said,
"Look, we gotta meet
and go to a hospital."
I'm like, "What?"
It was terrible. You're just
seeing him lying there just,
you know, this guy that was so,
you know, so alive.
And you're not...
'cause you don't know enough,
so you're thinking,
oh, he's gonna
get out of this, yeah.
Okay, he had a stroke,
and he'll be fine
in a couple days or whatever.
I was in his room,
and I went over to,
you know, kind of wake him up
because he could open his eyes,
and he didn't wake up.
♪ ♪
His mom was with him,
and when I walked into the room,
his body was there,
but you knew he wasn't.
♪ ♪
It sucked.
'Cause no one's
gonna understand it.
'Cause it's mine.
It's my thing I had with him.
You weren't there, driving in
my two-seater Nissan
for hours, and you weren't
taking a bus with him
and leaning on his shoulder
and falling asleep
like he was my f*ckin' father,
you know, like a...
I mean, all these times
I had with him, you know,
and now they're just memories.
We were all home, and...
and my daughter
came out of her room,
and she was like, "Mommy, I
wanna speak at the funeral."
And she said, "Everybody
is gonna be there,"
"talking about how funny he is
and comedy," and she's like,
"They don't know
what a good dad he is.
I got to tell them
he's a great dad."
Mr. P was truly
a spectacular,
special, intelligent
and helpful person.
He's been there for me and
my mom every step of the way.
He truly was a blessing.
I don't think I would be
the person I am today
without Patrice O'Neal.
Patrice was my best friend.
Like, he is a huge part
of my confidence,
like, what I have today.
Like, I laugh at my big head
'cause Patrice told me
I had a big head.
Like, that's the only reason
why I'm confident in my big head
is because of Patrice O'Neal.
Put your glasses on,
and don't worry about her.
Patrice always told me,
"You cannot give a crap
what anyone says about you.
You have to love yourself,"
and he's always gonna
be close to me.
I have his fingerprint
right here.
I still feel like losing
Patrice is like a part of me
that I can never get back.
[cheers and applause]
Oh, man, so how's everybody,
good?
[cheers]
[laughs]
You ever feel evil for nothing?
Like, you just go, "Wow."
Like, I even asked how
you're doing, but it really...
I really didn't...
It was a lie.
Like, that question
was a lie, you know?
It's hard to be honest, man.
Honesty is not
the greatest thing to be.
It's not... it's just,
no one wants to hear, eh...
He said this thing
to me one time,
which I never forgot,
and then when you guys
were talking about doing this,
I made sure that
I wrote it down again.
He goes, "I ain't up there
telling jokes. f*ck jokes."
"I'm up there explaining
how I f*ckin' feel,
and a lot of times, how I feel
is f*ckin' complicated."
And I thought
that was just, like,
such a great explanation
of his approach, you know?
'Cause he was funny, and there
were obviously jokes in there,
but that's not
what he was doing.
Like, I mean, I believe in God,
but, you know,
I'm not deep into religion.
Like, I'm too afraid to not
believe in God, you know?
Like, I'm not an atheist.
I'm, like, before that, like...
Like, I believe in God
when I'm on planes.
Like, I really believe in God.
His style was just like,
"I'm gonna say
what I believe,
and it's gonna be obnoxious
and maybe inappropriate
and offensive
to a lot of people."
When I get on planes,
I look at some old lady
struggling with her bags,
having trouble putting it
in overhead, and I'm like,
"Wait a minute, lady.
Let me get that for you, ma'am.
"Let me put that heavy bag
up there for you,"
"'Cause, you know...
"Look, God.
"Look what a great a guy I am,
"helping this woman
with her bags.
"You ain't going to let
the plane crash,
are you, Lord Jesus,
'cause I'm a good person."
And then, I'm gonna
explain my situation
in such a way that it's so funny
that even the people going,
"I don't like
what you're saying.
I don't like you..."
And then when the plane lands,
the lady's looking at me like,
"You wanna get my bags?"
I'm like, "No, like, what..."
I kept the plane in the air,
you selfish bitch. I...
I'm laughing because he just...
He pulled it off.
Not everybody
can do it or should do it.
He was the master at it.
- Hey, I got to go, man.
Y'all take care, man.
Thank you very much.
[cheers and applause]
Literally, I think
about him every day.
I'll never not think about him.
I mean, he was too big
a part of my life.
You wish he was around to see...
Oh, would he have hated
this Cosby thing.
Oh, f*ck,
Tr*mp is the president.
Oh, my God, this movement,
that movement.
You know,
what would he say about this?
What would he think about this?
He was just about to be
one of the greats.
Not that he isn't,
but he was about to be forever.
And we'll always celebrate him.
We'll always speak on his behalf
when it comes to the greats
and some of the best
and baddest
to touch the microphone.
He's in that group.
He's in that group,
whether you like it or not.
Do you mind playing us out
with that, Warren?
Sure.
♪ Man, you know I've been ♪
♪ Enjoying things that kings
and queens will never have ♪
♪ And good times, mm ♪
- Great googly-moogly.
- Great googly-moogly.
♪ I have had my fun ♪
♪ If I never get well no more ♪
♪ Oh, my health
is fading on me ♪
♪ Oh, yeah,
I'm going down slow ♪
♪ Please write my mama ♪
♪ Tell her the shape I'm in ♪
♪ Tell her to pray for me ♪
♪ Forgive me for my sin ♪
♪ ♪
[laughs]
Hey, man,
that's all right, man.
Patrice, that's all right.
Patrice O'Neal: k*lling Is Easy (2021)
Moderator: Maskath3