Beautiful Wedding (2024)

[bunniefuu]

- This is a story

of a couple madly in love.

So mad, they drove

each other crazy.

- Oh, f*ck

you, Travis Maddox.

- f*ck you!

- You know, for someone

who claims they're

not a toxic male,

you don't do a very good job.

- Awww, wahh!

Another 10 point loss for Travis

and Abby's stupid

married contest.

- Aw, don't worry.

You lost that contest

a very long time ago.

- Oh, really?

Did you give yourself

a 10 point reduction

when you ran with your

titties out on a public beach?

Or, or how about this morning?

Was your boyfriend surprised

to see the carpets

match the drapes?

- You're gonna let

Mother Theresa push you

around like that?

- Por favor, let's start

from the beginning.

Tell me how you fell in love.

- Well, it all

started at the circle.

It's this underground

fight club.

I'm a pretty big deal at.

- Oh, the ego on you.

- From the

moment I saw her,

I couldn't take my

eyes off of her,

which was a mistake because

I was fighting somebody.

Then I caught her

Insta-stalking me,

which was creepy, if

she wasn't so adorable.

- I was not

Insta-stalking.

Okay, maybe I was.

But he was all I

could think about.

- Then we went on

this really romantic date

and I knew she was the one.

- Yeah, but I thought

he was a total player.

He had a drawer full of

sex toys and condoms.

- So I

made a bet with her.

And if I won, she'd have to

be my roommate for a month.

Platonically.

- Wall of China.

I lost the bet.

And yeah, he was

charming, but crazy.

And I didn't wanna date crazy.

I wanted a nice, normal

guy like Parker Hayes.

- Oh God.

- Who he terrorized.

- Why are you bringing that up?

- Because that's what happened.

- Okay, Miss Honesty,

Why don't we talk about your

morning flogging of the Bishop?

- Bishop Gomez?

- No, it's a euphemism.

She was giving me a hand job.

- This is not a confession.

- He's a priest

- And you're an assh*le!

Anyhow, against my

better judgment,

I fell madly in love with him.

He even took me home

to meet his brothers.

And just as everything was

going great, I get abducted

by this Vegas gangster Benny,

because I happened to

be very good at poker.

- And then I saved her.

- And then I saved him.

- And then we

found her stolen money.

Ran away from the bad guys

and lived happily ever after.

- Except we're not

happily, I mean happy.

Which is why we're here.

- Okay, why don't we start

at Happily Ever After?

Was that your wedding night?

- Ehh.

- That's a little unclear.

- Yeah.

We were f*cked up.

- Okay, how about we

start six days ago.

When we woke up.

- That

might be helpful.

I never want leave

this bed, pigeon.

- Oh, baby.

Yeah, babe.

- Shep?

- I know what you want, babe.

I always say you want the magic,

Maddox fingers, don't you?

Ooh, tickle, tickle.

You're not Mare.

Mare has brown eyes!

- What are you guys doing?

- Nothing.

- Where's Mare?

- Mare?

- Yeah.

- Where is Mare?

- I don't know.

- Mare, pumpkin, where are you?

- What the f*ck

happened last night?

- What the hell

happened last night?

- I, I don't know.

I don't know.

- Whoa.

- Where did all this

money come from?

- Benny.

- No, this is

Benny's money right here.

- I'm confused.

- Oh, I think I went

gambling last night.

- Oh my God, what is going on?

Oh, guys, hey were on TV.

- Oh my God.

- I guess you won?

- Good work.

- So we all split it?

- Lucky 13.

- Oh!

- Oh there

you go, camera.

- I have

no memory of that!

- I don't remember that.

I wonder what we sang?

- Again, you took care of me.

- Yeah, 'cause I love you.

- Oh, babe.

- Yeah.

- I fingered Travis.

- What?

- What?

- What?

- What?

- What?

- That's not real.

I wouldn't do that.

- It looks pretty real.

- Oh, sh*t guy, guys.

Look, look, look at the screen.

- That's not real.

That's, that's just us

goofing around, right?

- That, that's funny.

- Oh, sh*t.

- Oh my God.

- Okay, Okay, Abby.

- Oh my god, we

got married last night?

- Abby, its okay.

Look at me.

- Oh my God.

- This probably isn't

an ideal way to do this,

but I love you.

I really do love you and,

and I wish that

my family was here

to see you and me like this.

I love you.

- Oh, Abby.

- That's not what we needed.

Well, hey, listen,

on the bright side,

I thought that,

I thought that speech

was very romantic.

- Hello.

- Hi, this is at the

front desk with a reminder

that checkout was an hour ago.

So there's gonna be a

surcharge of about $180,000.

You f*cking ass-clowns.

- Wait, is that Benny?

- Benny?

- Who's Benny?

- Benny?

- No, no, no I got this.

Don't worry.

- No, I got this.

Benny?

- What is it with

your generation

and the utter lack of manners?

There's no good morning,

how's your day?

- Look, I know all about

the con that you and my dad

and Jesse tried to screw

me over with, okay?

- Yeah, that's ancient history.

This is about Travis,

assuming your debt

by fighting against Chernobyl.

Money that I did not get back.

- I have it.

I'm hanging up on you.

- Well, I can see who wears

the balls in this relationship.

I want to see the two of

you in my office in an hour.

And don't you even

think of skipping town.

Buh-bye.

- At least Let me

- Come on, pool.

Let's go.

Don't f*cking look

at me like that.

Let's go.

- He's bluffing.

- Yeah.

- g*n!

- Oh my God!

Get him, get him!

Good job, baby.

- No!

- Get in there!

- I'm proud of you.

- Did you just

f*cking kick my cousin?

- He's down.

It's okay.

Give you something to

cool down with.

- Oh God.

Oh, oh my God.

- Guys.

- Guys, no.

- Oh yeah.

- Oh yeah.

You like that?

- You thirsty?

- Okay.

- Drink up!

- There you go.

- Guys?

- Hold on,

we're almost done.

- Hold on.

- Guys!

- Oops.

- Hello?

Anyone home?

Jerry?

- Attention!

Jerry won't be joining us.

Stupid son-of-a-bitch

did that keto thing

and is now pissing kidney

stones the size of leema beans.

- Lima.

- Huh?

- And you are?

- Chief Warrant

Officer Delroy Murphy.

But my friends and

enemies call me Buzz.

- Hi, Buzz.

- Lady Hawk and I will be

flying you down to Meh-hee-co.

- That thing can't

fly to Mexico.

- Don't tell me my

business, sweet peach.

Lady Hawk has been

retrofitted and modified!

The Millennium f*cking Falcon.

- Star Wars!

- I'll take you

down to Meh-hee-co.

No passports, no questions.

The whole enchilada

for 10 grand.

- Wow, that's pretty-

- We'll take it.

What, like we have a choice?

Here.

Here's 5K now,

and then I'll give you the rest

when we make it

there in one piece.

- I like your style.

- Okay, what about getting back?

- That's not my problem, Slotty.

- Okay, um, you guys have fun

with, uh, Lando Calrissian

and his macho-

- Roger

Whoa, this is so cool.

Wireless headsets.

Hey Buzz, you got

Spotify on this?

- You want an ass-whippin'?

- I'm gonna be, uh,

really honest right now.

This whole, uh, Vegas

gangster combined

with fleeing to Mexico

got me really on edge.

So I'm assuming that no one

has any Xanax or alcohol.

So I'm gonna need you

- Oh, babe.

- to follow me

- My sternum.

- Into whatever the

f*ck that thing is

and send me into

a dopamine coma.

- Okay.

Hello, Mile High Club.

- They're gonna

have so much fun.

- This is fun.

- Yeah.

- This is fun.

- A hundred and thirty-eight

thousand, seven hundred

and ninety-eight dollars.

- Damn.

- What you doing?

- I am texting Sancho.

- Who is Sancho?

- He's the concierge at a

luxury villa in Gatito, Mexico

that I just booked.

- Sounds out of our price range.

- You just said that

we have $138,000.

- Yeah, but I-

- And it's my honeymoon.

- Well, sure.

- It's my honeymoon.

- Hey, Buzz?

- Yeah?

- We're going to Gatito, Mexico.

- Copy that.

- Thanks.

- Happy wife, happy wife.

- Oh yeah,

that is, that is true.

- Happy wife, happy life.

Oh, come on.

- What?

- You can't tell me that you're

not freaking out about this.

Travis, we're married.

That means that you're

stuck with me forever.

- Well, I have had

some reservations.

Like the fact that

you're beautiful, smart.

Can make us a fortune of

money in less than an hour.

But, I will never, ever

find anyone like you.

- Love you so much.

- Rise and

shine sleepyheads.

We have arrived at

your destination.

Open the door, and get some air.

Take in the view.

- The plane, the plane!

- If you get into trouble,

you know where to find me.

I also do hostage and

rescue situations.

- Thanks.

Well, you're a man

of your word, Buzz,

So, here you go.

Thank you.

- Hey honey, I

think it's this way.

- Hola! Seor y Seora Maddox!

- Gracias!

- Oh, no, America.

- America!

Home of the brave!

- Hola!

- Okay, okay, okay.

So much to do and

so little time.

- Don't touch me.

- Okay, Welcome!

Bienvenidos!

This is the room of living.

Here, we have everything.

If you have no clothes,

I will give you clothes.

- Do you have ESPN?

Because the Sacramento kings

are in the NBA finals tonight,

and I've waited my

whole life for this.

- ESPN, yes.

Yes, S-U-V, D-U-J.

We have everything.

- Right, but do you have ESPN?

- I make

dreams come true!

Look, my friend, Blondie.

You don't worry.

We have it, we have

it, we have it.

Come on, come,

come, come with me.

Come, come, come, come, come.

Come, come, come, come.

Seor Shepley y

Seorita Estados Unidos.

- That's not my name.

- Come, come, come.

Un momento.

- Oh, he said to wait.

- Yeah, that's not

happening, Seora Maddox.

- Who says I'm

taking Seora Maddox?

I like my name.

Abby Abernathy is a great name.

It has a really good flow to it.

Oh, but Travis Abernathy?

You could be trendsetting.

- You want to castrate me too?

- No.

- Hey, wait!

- What?

- You almost just

crossed the threshold.

- Oh!

- It's bad luck, you know.

You know we Maddoxes have our

own form of this tradition?

- Really?

- Mm-hmm.

- Well, this isn't too barbaric.

- Horny.

- Oh my God!

This is so cute.

- Yeah!

- Look, look, look,

it has our initials!

Wait, hold on.

Wait, wait, wait, I

wanna get a photo.

I wanna get a photo.

Okay.

No, I want you to

hold me for the photo.

- Okay.

- Lift me up.

- Lifting.

- Smile.

- Okay, okay, okay.

- Okay.

Now get one of me on the bed.

No, actually will

you hold it lower

and then will you flip it?

You like it?

- I like it, yeah.

- Okay, will you do one

more flipped the other way?

- Got it, I got it, I got it.

- Got it?

- I got it.

- Okay, do you want

one on the bed?

- No.

- No, but it was so

cute with our initials on it.

- T and A.

It stands for titty and ass,

cuz you got the best.

- You are such a neanderthal.

- Ooo-gah, Ooo-gah.

- Ooh-gah?

- Ooo-gah hate this pillow.

- This Ooo-gah wanna

consummate his marriage?

- Ooo-gah wanna f*ck.

- Yeah?

- Ooo-gah.

Ooo-gah.

- Adios!

- No, thank you.

- No, thank you!

- No, gracias!

- No, thank you.

- Thank

you, no, no, no.

I don't know about you,

but hearing a

traditional Mexican song

about a cockroach really

gets me in the mood.

- Here.

How about this?

- Thank you, much better.

Where were we?

- Come here.

- Condoms.

sh*t.

- Is this the only

protection we have?

- I didn't bring any.

Did you?

- No.

- Wait a minute.

We don't need protection,

we're married.

- Easy, Dracula.

I'm too young to be married,

let alone have a kid.

- We can pull out.

- No.

- I have complete control over

my seminal fluid emission.

- That's a cliche that's

caused like thousands

of unwanted pregnancies.

We could do other things.

Other things like,

this.

- That's interesting.

I was thinking other

things like this.

- Ooh, that's interesting.

- Yeah, this is good.

This is better actually.

- This is fun.

- This is fun.

I'm glad we're doing this.

- Right, I'm glad

we're doing this.

We should really

do it more often.

- I agree.

No, this is great.

Those are my balls.

- Mmm-hmm.

- It's cool.

- A little faster?

- Yeah, let's go

really fast right now.

Let's kick this up a notch.

- Are you satisfied?

I'm satisfied.

- No.

- Come here.

Okay.

Get 'em off, get 'em off.

We're gonna be safe, right?

- Yeah.

- You're not gonna get a drop!

- I promise.

- Got it?

- Mm-hmm.

- Just an inch.

- An inch.

- Just an inch.

- Yeah.

- Yeah.

- It's a nice inch.

Maybe like a little-

- Another inch?

- A little bit more,

like another inch?

Yeah, maybe another inch.

- Another inch?

- Yeah.

But maybe like a,

- You're gonna have

to be more clear.

- No, I just-

- I don't under-

- Now, that's in.

- That feels way better

without the rubber.

Yeah, like, whoa.

Okay.

Oh.

Babe, you're blacking

my escape hatch.

- Oh, I'm so close.

- Oh, I know, but so am I.

That's why this is a problem.

- Oh, Goddammit!

Go get me a condom, like now!

- Where?

It's not like there's a

CVS across the street.

- I don't know, Shepley.

Shepley must have condoms.

- Okay, fine, I'm going.

Hola!

No, no, don't touch the pillow.

- Hey, Travis?

You got any condoms, you

got any condoms on you?

Because I, because I ran out.

- You look

like a man in love.

- Thank you.

- A man's man in love.

- Thanks.

- A man's man-

- Where's my wife?

- Man.

She's ready.

- Ta-da!

- Wow.

You look amazing.

- Thank you.

So do you.

- Wow. Look at this.

- This is beautiful.

Thank you.

- Eh, eh, eh, eh.

Sit.

There you go.

There you go.

Very good. Very good.

Now, Pino has prepared a

traditional seven-course meal

for newlyweds especially.

- Thank you.

- Okay. Enjoy.

Pino?

- Well, here's to us.

And happily ever after.

I love you, pigeon.

- I love you too.

So I, I made this.

- I didn't know we

were doing gifts.

- Yeah.

It's just a little something

I made on the flight

while you were sleeping.

Travis, I love you so much.

- I love you too.

What is it?

- It's a

pro/con list to see if,

if we should stay married or-

- Or-

- Or we get a quick annulment.

Whoopsies.

What happened?

- Why is it so decorated?

- I thought that maybe

if you saw how much effort,

I put into making it pretty,

you would, you'd maybe like it.

- I don't like it.

This is like getting

cancer news framed.

This is a pro/con list.

- Just to help us gain some

clarity, only while we're here.

And look, I even gave

this a 30-point head start

because you have

the biggest d*ck.

- Ooh, who's got the big d*ck?

- This guy.

- I knew it!

I knew it! I knew it!

That is why you are so

self-confident.

I knew a powerful

and successful man who, alas,

had a small d*ck,

he was a insecure.

- I'll agree to this

if you get him to

stop talking about it.

- Deal. Sancho, what is this?

- Soup. That is soup.

That is the first course.

Yes.

I shall be back.

- Yum.

Mm.

This is amazing.

You know, this reminds me of,

of this one time when I

was, I was really young.

I think I was...

I dunno, I must have been

around 12 or, or something.

And my grandmother,

she's passed,

but she was so

funny and wonderful.

- Well, screw her.

- Screw my dead grandmother?

- Oh.

When do I get to meet her?

- What?

Travis, are you listening to me?

- I'm sorry.

I'm not feeling very well.

I do not want to

ruin this moment.

I'm gonna run off and throw up,

and I will be right back, okay?

- Oh, no. Okay.

- I love you.

So happy we're married.

What's the score?

- Fourth quarter just started.

We're down by 12.

- f*ck!

- Yeah.

Dude, you're about

to lose 1,000 bucks.

- sh*t!

- Are you feeling better?

- Uh, yeah.

Feeling better.

Mmm, soup.

- Oh, somebody liked the soup.

- Ah. It was delicious,

Sancho. I'm stuffed.

- No, that is only the

first course, senor.

There are six more.

- Six?

Can we bring them all out

at the same time?

- Uh, sure.

- That's not how

it works, Travis.

- Oh, well, I'm just

tryna be efficient.

- No, it's okay.

Okay, it's not a problem.

I can handle this.

Pino!

- It's fine. It's fine.

- No, please.

- I, no triangle.

- It always works.

- Are you okay?

- Yeah. I'm fine.

So, how's your dad?

- What?

- I'm sorry.

I was just trying to

make conversation.

I'm not feeling too good.

Score?

- We're down by two.

- Yes!

- Dude, you can't miss this!

- f*ck dinner, f*ck dinner.

One minute.

- Yeah.

Okay. Go, go, go, go!

- Whoo.

- Oh, you can just leave

that next to his soup.

He's not feeling well.

- Yeah!

- Oh!

- Oh, my God.

- Oh, my God.

- Let's go, baby!

- It's happening!

It's happening!

Come here, come here,

baby! Come here!

- Dude, I

can't believe it!

- f*cking blow my back!

Blow it out!

- Whoa!

Blow my back!

- Okay. Okay.

Oh!

- Maddox special

- Wait, wait, wait.

I need to look sick.

I need to look sick.

- Oh, you need to, oh, yeah.

You look a little too good.

- Soak me!

- Okay. Ho, ho.

- Soak me!

f*cking get me

- Are you okay?

How's your tummy?

You look a little bit clammy.

- I'm fine.

I was..

The game and...

How mad are you?

- Well, you bailed on

wedding night dinner.

Minus five points.

You lied. Minus five points.

And then you insulted

my dead grandmother.

Minus five points.

- sh*t, that's a lot of points.

- Knowing he

had f*cked up really bad,

Travis planned the happiest

two days of Abby's life.

Left hand green.

- Fire in the hole.

- If you

were smart, you'd quit.

- Yeah, but then you'd

never respect me.

- Who says

I ever respected you?

- Oh!

Oh, no.

Oh, no, don't.

Don't you...

Okay, you know what?

- No,

no, no, no, no, no.

- Why, dude?

- Stop.

- Oh, oh, oh, oh.

You're a stork.

Yeah, you're an angry stork.

I, I don't know.

I don't...

What are you doing?

- Hey. Baby pterodactyl.

- Thank you. Thank you.

- How did you get that?

- You're good at cards,

I'm good at charades.

- Mm. I'd love to just

hunt one of those things.

Have a little baby pterodactyl

above the fireplace.

- How about we

just stick to deer?

You're up.

Movie.

- "American in Paris."

- Yes! Winner.

- This is rigged.

- How's it rigged?

- She pointed to me

and it's her favorite movie.

- I didn't know that

was your favorite movie.

- I've always planned

on living in Paris.

- How am I gonna pursue criminal

justice living in Paris?

- I don't know.

I mean, I, I also didn't know

that we were gonna get

married after three months.

- Okay, new game.

How about Never Have I Ever?

- My favorite game.

I always lose, you know.

- Okay. I will start.

Never have I ever joined

the mile high club.

- The mile high?

- Long

time ago back when,

Pan Am, I satisfied many.

- Oh, did you?

- You?

- Yeah, yeah.

No, I, I've broken down

a few lavatory doors

on United myself.

- No, I knew, we

had something in common.

- Yes, my friend.

- A yeah. Yes.

- I'm gonna go for a walk.

Uh-oh.

I said something bad.

- What's her problem?

- What's your problem?

- You wanna talk about it?

- Talk about what?

How we're married,

and we barely know each other?

- That's not true.

- I mean, kind of.

I wanna move to Paris and

apparently you love having sex

on airplanes.

- Have you ever

stopped to think,

maybe why I'm

against an annulment?

What couple do you know

that has survived one?

- Hmm?

- I see your point.

- Look, if you're worried

about Paris, screw it.

Let's move to Paris.

I can promise you,

we'll never have a dull moment.

- I have no doubt.

- Speaking of which,

have you ever had pool sex?

- Excuse me?

Is it anything like shower sex?

- It is.

I only, it's a lot

prettier in the movies.

- Well, I think I'm

gonna pass on anything

of yours entering me until

it's wearing a raincoat.

- Abby and Travis

thought the worst was over,

but the worst was yet to come.

- Yeah?

- Throw, catch.

Throw, catch. Throw, catch.

- Oh, my God, you have

such good coordination.

I don't think I could do it.

Ooh. So close.

Morning.

Those are good grapes, huh?

I guess, you don't like them.

- I should get back to work.

- Yeah.

- It's cute, right?

- Oh, it's adorable.

- Would you hunt this?

- What?

- Have this up on your mantle?

- What?

That's a lot of salt, babe.

- Yeah, I like salt.

Do you not know that about

me?

- Good morning.

Is that all I get?

- I said hi to you this morning.

- Oh.

Is that what that was

when you showed your

cock to the worker?

- Well, you were so

busy juggling balls,

I thought I'd show you mine.

Can't have everything, I guess.

- Yeah, guess you can't.

- Hey, so what's going on?

What happened this morning?

Come on, talk to me.

- Well, there was this guy,

and he was outside juggling

and I've always

wanted to know how to-

- Mare!

- What is wrong

with everyone today?

- Mare, where are you?

- So your new friend gonna

join us down at the beach?

- His name is Miguel and no,

because you scared

him off your big d*ck.

- Mare!

Hey, guys. Hey, hey.

Have you seen Mare?

- Look, I know I

can be possessive.

- You? No.

- I just don't like

when guys touch you.

- Well, Travis, you

have to get over that.

What if I have a male

gynecologist one day?

- Why would you have

a male gynecologist

when there's perfectly

good female gynecologist.

What about female empowerment?

Isn't that what the diversity

movement's all about?

- Oh, my God, I

hate you right now.

- Look who's not

being progressive.

- Mare?

Mare?

- You miss me?

- Ugh.

Hey.

Hey, have you guys seen

a small American girl?

- Oh.

- Whee!

- Uh.

- It's a good color, right?

She didn't like

the color before.

- Oh. I didn't.

Oh, yeah. Si.

- Watch. It gets

bigger.

It took a while.

- Uh!

- Hey. Hey, hey, hey.

Where'd you go?

- You seemed distracted.

- Well, I was just tryna find

out where our friends were.

I didn't ask them to

take their tops off.

- Oh, okay.

- Look, look, look, look.

It's a topless beach.

See? I don't make

the rules here.

Boobies, boobs, tits.

- Yeah, yeah.

Travis, you know

what? You're right.

- Thanks. No, honestly.

I wasn't tryna cause

trouble or anything.

What are you doing?

- You said, it was

a topless beach.

- That doesn't

apply to foreigners.

- Oh, that is absurd.

- You are absurd!

What is this,

OnlyFans? f*ck off.

- You're a psycho.

Leave me alone.

- Cover your titties!

- Come back, baby.

I make movies.

- Mare! Mare!

Mare, look!

Look, I'm shedding

my inhibitions!

- Hey, hey, hey.

She's the one that took

her top off.

- Travis!

Hey, blondie.

Really?

- Come on, Darius.

Just give me give more minutes.

- Mm.

- Look, I got a crisis on

my hands, so just please.

Okay?

Please.

What's so important that

you need me on a Sunday?

What do you mean?

Her stripper name is Pocahontas.

She needs to wear the headdress.

I've had enough

of this culturally

inappropriate woke sh*t.

The last...

What did I tell you

about sneaking up on me?

- Sorry, sir.

Sorry.

Sorry, sir.

- I'll call you back.

- Oh my gosh.

I guess this is their way

of staying under the radar.

Asshats.

Gatito?

I know this place.

Darius and I fell

in love down here.

Call Vince, take a

couple of guys down there

and go get me my money

and a couple of fingers.

- Fingers?

- Yeah, fingers.

No, no, forget it.

I'm gonna take care

of this myself.

What time's the next flight?

Darius!

Darius!

D!

- So I posted your bail,

but since you don't

have passports,

you're gonna have to wait.

- Well, thank you guys

for bailing us out

and being so nice.

I'm just sorry my

husband is so rude.

- Well, I wouldn't

have to be so rude

if my wife would just

respect some of my-

- Rules?

Are you gonna

house break me too.

- I was gonna say requests,

like when we're on our honeymoon

surrounded by a

few hundred horny

spring break TikTok

obsessed douchebags,

maybe don't show your tit-

- Oh, do not say the T word.

If you say the T word, I am

jumping out of this car, Travis

and out of your life.

I mean it.

- That's a bullshit way

to end an argument, Abby.

- I don't care.

- Then don't show your titties.

Titties, titties,

titties, titties,

titties, titties.

- Oh, f*ck you, Travis Maddox.

- Titties, titties!

- f*ck you.

- Abby, get back here.

- No, no, wait,

wait, wait, Senor Travis.

No.

- Take your hands off me.

- Miguel can take care of her.

- She's my wife.

She just has a bad

habit of running away.

- Yes, because she

is running from you.

- I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I was just, I'm just

looking for my ride.

I was just looking

for a friend of mine.

- Are you okay?

- Yeah, yeah.

That was...

I could really use a drink.

Thank you.

- Hey.

if you could at least text me

to let me know you're alive,

that would be much

fucken appreciated!

- Jesus.

Is that the way

you talked to her?

- What the f*ck do you want?

- What the f*ck do...

Let me be clear.

I think you're being an assh*le.

And I think that

getting married at 19

is the dumbest

sh*t in the world,

but all I care about right

now is my best friend

and she's in love with you.

- Yeah, I love her too.

What, what's the problem?

- The problem is

you're suffocating her!

You're suffocating her

and she has a bad

habit of disappearing

and I don't want that to

happen to either of us.

- Buenas noches, Miguel.

- Well, aren't

you super popular?

- Hola, Miguel.

- Hola.

That wasn't always the case.

- I find that so

hard to believe.

You're way too nice.

What's your backstory?

Tell me.

- Okay, um.

Well, I'm part

Maldive, part Samoan.

- Okay.

- My family moved

here when I was a kid.

- Okay.

- They were actually

pretty wealthy.

You know the house that you

stay at used to be our home.

- What happened?

- The government took it

when my father was k*lled.

- Miguel, I...

- Oh, don't shed

any tears for him.

He wasn't a good guy.

When he was k*lled, my

mom and I had to restart.

I was just a very

angry kid, like Angel.

And then one day,

I got the calling.

- The calling?

Oh.

Oh you mean like the calling?

So you're a...

- Priest in training?

- I did not see that coming.

Wow.

- Tell me, Abby,

have you ever...

- I mean, I believe,

but I don't practice

or anything like that.

- Well, there's a first

time for everything.

- No.

No, I still got my beer.

- Jesus, we've got another.

- I'm not that bad.

- Have we

ever talked like this?

- Yeah.

There was that one time

in the laundry room.

Yeah, you know.

You know asked me

if I had any soap

and I said that I

needed to get some.

- That was nice.

- Yeah, it's funny.

You, you don't get

to pick the people

who your boyfriend

hangs out with.

- Well, I never

would've picked you.

- I wouldn't have

picked you either.

- How long have you known her?

- Long time.

- That's pretty cute.

- You know that kid does

all these great things

and her parents never

show up for anything?

That was Abby.

It's frustrating to watch,

but Travis, she is not

your problem to solve.

Okay?

You just have to give her time.

I mean, she's had no

stability in her life,

and you are like this egomaniac

emblem of hyper-masculinity,

semi-toxic who I actually

hope is, you know, extinct.

- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Where'd that come from?

- Oh, I'm just teasing you.

- Jesus!

- What the hell?

- Uh.

Hey guys,

- Uh, are you okay?

- Yeah.

No, I'm...

Yeah, I was uh, yeah,

I was just stargazing

at at uh Copernicus and, and...

- Telescopes over there, bro.

- Oh, they have one

of those over there.

- Were you spying on us?

- No, no, no, no.

I would never do that.

Okay.

I'm, I'm, I was uh, I

was getting coconuts.

Your favorite.

Babe!

Hey, where you going?

Babe!

Whoa, whoa, you feel that?

Whoa, you feel that?

It's an earthquake, babe!

- She, she's gone, buddy.

- Whoa, Mommy!

- You aced it.

- Thanks for everything today

and for making sure

I got home safe.

- Look, I know you

have a lot on your mind

and Travis has a interesting

way of expressing himself,

but something tells me

that this marriage is

worth fighting for.

And I know I'm not ordained yet,

but if you and Travis ever

want to talk anything through,

I'm here to listen.

And I won't splash

you with holy water.

- Thanks.

- Bye.

- Bye.

- Hi.

- Hi.

- It's the first

time we've been in sync

for a while.

- Yeah.

- I'm sorry I've

been such a d*ck.

- I mean, you haven't.

It's...

- I really have.

We know I have.

- You have.

Well, thank you.

I appreciate that.

It...

Look, I mean, I have

a really bad habit

of running away

from my problems.

- You do.

- I do.

And I really don't

wanna run away from you.

Maybe we just need a

little bit of a break.

Our whole relationship

has just been

this crazy pressure cooker

and neither of us have

been able to go off

and have any fun or

blow off any steam.

- I have fun with you.

- I know, but I, I

met independently.

- Yeah.

I have always wanted

a bachelor party.

- Okay.

Let's do it.

I mean, there's no

time like the present.

- I like your thinking, Abby.

Hey bro, get all the

boys together and

come down to Mexico.

Oh, by the way, we got married.

Abby, dipshit.

- Always

ready for a good time,

the Maddox brothers

flew down to Gatito.

- Yeah, Dad.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Talk soon.

- What'd he say?

- That I'm in charge.

And to make sure you

don't do anything stupid.

- It says that El Jefe

had kilos of cocaine

that was eaten by a clowder

of hairless Mexican cats.

I swear if you ruin

Travis's bachelor party

with a cocaine cat

scavenger hunt,

I will sell you

to a local cartel

and they will use

you as a drug mule.

- Ow!

- Oh, look, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I don't know how many

times I can say it.

There's a first class ticket

away waiting for you at Delta.

I booked us a suite.

I just gotta get this money

and a couple of fingers

and then it's just us.

All right?

There will be no talk

of work, I swear.

Just massages and margaritas.

Oh, Darius.

Just come down, please.

Call me back.

- Don't you ever, every

do that again, you...

- Hey.

Oh hey, babe.

Hey, how are you?

Oh where were you last night?

- Oh yeah, why'd you spy me?

- Spy?

What are you talking about?

What are you talking about?

- So we're, everything's fine?

- Yes, everything's fine.

- Oh perfect.

- So there's nothing

to talk about.

- Oh, that hurt.

Oh, babe!

Why did you do that?

- Hey, you holding

out on us, cuz?

- Hey, guys.

Welcome to Mexico.

- Keeping the riches

to yourself, huh?

- Yeah, you're a

f*cking dead man, right?

- What?

- Does this

place have a bidet?

- f*cking nerd.

- What?

It was a long flight.

They're completely

normal in Europe.

No.

Don't chuck me in the ocean.

- Hey, buddy.

- Hi.

- Hey, hey, guys.

- Change of plans.

So the girls' spa treatment

is now in the afternoon.

- Oh yeah.

- So they're going

to the beach with us.

- Will you teach me

how to play football?

I've never played football.

- Hey Shep, think fast.

Heads up, buddy.

Touchdown.

- Hey.

Okay baby, what's going on?

Seriously, you're,

you're acting so weird.

I mean, you you literally

build a wall between us.

- Okay, you...

You know when you're driving

down the highway and,

and a really great song comes on

and and you get

really into the song

and then you miss your exit.

And then-

- Okay, wait, wait.

Am I the song or the highway?

- No, it's just, I

feel like I'm learning

all of these things about you.

- Good, good, good.

You should be, you know,

learning things about me

and me learning

things about you.

Yeah.

- Yeah, no, definitely.

Then I find out that you hunt.

- I hunt.

Yeah, I'm not hiding it.

- No, you're not

listening to me.

- You're not listening to me.

- Okay, maybe I shouldn't

have even tried.

- Yeah, maybe you

shouldn't have.

- And so the boys

and girls went

their separate ways.

The girls went off

to a relaxing spa

and the boys, well...

- Let's go!

Let's go!

More!

More!

Don't be a bitch!

Come on.

- Ah, what the f*ck!

- Come on, let's go.

Let's go, bitch

- Shut up, bitch.

Shut up!

- Come on!

- Geez, my skin feel like silk.

- Yeah, we should try

the seaweed wrap next.

- Ooh, I would love

to do a seaweed wrap.

I've always wanted to.

- Yeah.

- Okay, well, at least

come with us to dinner.

No, nobody's going

to bother you.

You know what?

Okay, do whatever you want,

but tomorrow we

are going sailing.

I'm sorry about that.

- No, you're fine.

Sounds like you need

some relaxation.

- What brings you

girls down here?

- Honeymoon.

- Oh!

I once had a one night

stand with my doula.

- Oh, no, no, no.

It's not, no.

- No, not us, not us.

- Not that they're, no.

Great for you though.

No, but...

- We don't, we don't have

a problem with that.

- No, it's great.

- We love that.

We support that.

- It's her honeymoon.

- It's just not us.

- Yeah.

- Yeah, it's our bachelor

and bachelorette parties.

We're doing it

kind of backwards.

- Well, where's the

rest of your party?

- Yeah, you're looking at it?

- Yeah.

- Well, is that what you wanted?

- Well, no.

- Oh, okay.

It's what he wanted.

Okay.

- Yeah, I guess

I'm just trying

to make him happy.

Oh God.

Oh no, I heard it.

That was awful.

I know.

- Hey, hey, hey, you.

Put that down.

- Hey, I can't.

- Ah, ah.

- I can't.

- Put it down.

- Hey, you need to behave.

- Oh, are you gonna teach me?

- Ow!

- Oh my God, you're my hero.

- Pour

yourselves a drink, girls.

- Okay.

- Can I be frank?

- Please.

- Please.

- This marriage is starting

off on the wrong foot.

This is not about his needs,

it's about your needs.

Now, I lead women's

retreats throughout the year

and it's mostly Fortune 500,

but I also cater

to the homemaker

and poor people like yourself.

Because as much as you would

like to deny it, girls,

you cannot disrespect or

demean the power of the p*ssy.

Drink.

Drink, drink.

Drink it, it's expensive.

- Oh.

- Ladies.

These two will be joining us.

I have some calls to make,

but Fernando knows where

to take you, so run along.

I'll see you later.

- We don't see

this in the States.

- Yeah, that's

because it's illegal.

- Oh!

- You okay, Shep?

- Yeah, yeah.

Sorry, I uh, just f*ck,

the allergy season, right?

- After massages

and muchas margaritas,

the girls chose to take

their bachelorette party

to the streets in

search of more fun.

- Could you tell me

where the lucha fight is?

- Yon tent over

yonder, my fair wench.

- Hey, excuse me, Shakespeare.

I don't really like that

you called me a wench.

- Oh my God, she's so cute.

- Hey, what is he saying?

- Uh, he wants to know if

anyone will fight Thumbelina.

- What?

- No, she's like a

delicate little flower.

These people can't fight her.

No, no, no, I'll do it.

I will do it.

It's gonna be fine.

I'll be fine.

- No, no, no.

- We

have a challenger.

- I'll do it.

- This is a terrible idea.

- Hi.

- Hi.

- Aw, I'm Abby.

- Aw!

- I told you it's gonna be fine.

She's cute.

Okay, so uh, so do

I get a costume?

- Oh, you're good.

You're good, Shep.

You're good.

Just a stupid, stupid

little chicken, okay?

Okay, okay.

All right.

Get it together.

Get it together.

- No, no, no.

No!

Look at his little feet.

Where's the humanity?

You people are sick!

You did this!

You did this to your child!

How do you feel about that?

He's an animal of love.

This is sick f*ck.

Not on my watch.

You.

Abby Abernathy!

- You okay?

- Yeah, I'm fine.

- Listen very carefully

to the rules, alright?

- Okay.

- There are no rules.

Go!

- Meow.

A cat.

Ow!

- Oh my, Jesus.

- Ow, that-

was hurting!

- Oh, god.

- Okay, truce?

- Will you tell me

that's not Abby?

- It's definitely Abby.

- All right, all right,

all right, all right.

- Oh god.

Oh hi, honey.

- Okay.

- What happened to mani-pedis?

- I could really use

your advice right now.

- Okay, okay, um.

Well she's favoring

her right knee.

Go for her knee.

- No, that's so mean.

- It's really mean, but

it might save your life.

- Don't listen to her.

She's trying to

get in your head.

Look at me.

- Okay, okay.

- What are you doing?

- Nothing.

- She's trying to f*ck you.

- I don't know.

I'm gonna go.

- Listen here.

- Hasta

la vista, fatty!

- Fatty?

I think you dropped something.

- Huh?

- Yeah.

- That's what you get for

trying to f*ck my husband!

- Yeah.

Oh, some Mario sh*t.

Slam her!

I don't know what's

legal, do whatever.

Just do it!

- I am immensely

turned on by you.

- Yeah!

- Yes!

- I can't

believe you did it.

You were awesome.

You won.

- All right, honey.

Have fun at your bachelor party!

- All right, I love

you.

Have fun.

- Whoa, looks

like the power's out again.

- Sorpresa!

- What's with all the eye candy?

I'm married.

- You are.

- But we're not.

- Don't get any cute ideas.

Abby's our sister now.

- Yeah.

I'll have to agree

with him on that one.

- I mean, I love him.

That's gotta be worth

something, right?

- Yeah, absolutely.

- I don't know what

love is anymore.

- Uh- oh.

Have you eaten anything today?

- I'm full...

of rage!

- Here's the thing, girls.

I got married too f*cking young.

It didn't work out, you know.

What are you gonna f*cking do?

- What do you mean, what

am I gonna f*cking do?

I'm already-

Oh, look, I'm peeing.

- I'm never getting married

- Listen.

The stats are not

in your favor, okay?

And by the way, hey, listen.

Hey, it's not like you came

into any assets or

anything, right?

So, and there are

no kids involved.

So you got that.

- I'm gonna have a baby

on my own, Millicent.

- Just buy one,

they're more grateful.

- Okay, sh*t.

Okay, I got you.

I got you food.

Oh, oh.

This looks so good guys.

Alright. Hmm.

We're free now, yeah.

Oh, you hungry?

Yeah, Ooh.

Bon Appetit.

Mmm, yeah.

What?

Oh, the food's over here.

Here you go.

Yeah, you can eat.

No, no, no.

Hey, hey, hey.

Hey, cease!

Stop, stop.

Guys, just be friends,

just be friends.

No! No! No!

- Help me!

- I got you.

I love you so much.

- Okay, come on, let's go.

- This is a group hug.

- I know, I love you very much.

- Who needs Shep, when-

- No one needs him, I love you.

- Here we go,

where's the waterbed?

- Okay, okay.

No it's not a waterbed.

- Oh no, it's not a waterbed.

- You know lady, I love you too.

I think we're good together.

- No. I, I just need to know

if Darius made his flight.

What are you looking at?

I don't give a f*ck

about Abby anymore.

I just want Darius.

No, what, what do you mean

he cashed his ticket in?

No, no, no!

Those are my miles!

That's my money!

I work my whole f*cking life

to build a nest egg

of money and love.

And what's the point if you

keep losing the nest egg

and the love?

- Help me!

- Oh!

Oh, no.

Oh, no I left.

- Hi, Shepley,

baby, it's mom.

I'm at hospice with Granny.

- Mommy, yes, it's me!

- We're about

to pull the plug

and she wanted to say goodbye.

- No, grandma!

- Where are you?

- No, grandma!

- Shepley, it's Granny.

I just wanted to tell you I-

- No, goodbye Granny!

- No, I don't like those.

I like Pinot.

- Guys!

Oh, they'll never believe me.

Remember us?

- Rawr.

- You learned English fast.

- I learn a lot of things fast.

Isn't this your bachelor party?

- Whoo, ah.

It sure is my bachelor party.

- So, don't you

wanna have some fun?

Ah, ah, ah, ah, ah.

- Okay.

You know, um, I thought I was

having enough fun already.

- You

know what we mean.

- Woo.

- Away from Blondie.

- You mean Abby, my wife.

- Come on, we won't tell.

- I gotta go.

- Wait, wait, wait,

wait, wait, wait.

- Naughty, naughty.

- Thank you for letting

us stay on the cot.

- Yeah, well.

Okay ladies, it's been real.

Good luck with your

life, your marriage.

And if you were a

gambler, I would tell you

that the odds are not in

your favor and to fold.

- Wait, I have to pee.

Is this a bathroom?

- Yeah.

But, no, no, no, no.

Don't, don't go there.

That's Parker's room.

Just go in the pond.

- Parker?

- My son, the doctor that

we were talking about.

- What's your last name?

- Hayes.

- Hayes.

Parker Hayes.

Doctor.

Hey, Parker!

Dr. Hayes.

- Parker Hayes?

Parker!

- Mare!

Mare, we gotta go!

Travis.

- Naughty, naughty.

- Travis?

Travis, come and get me.

Travis!

assh*le!

- Hmm, you like that?

Fine, two can play at that.

- Oh, Travis,

you're so good.

- Okay, Parker.

Okay, I'm just.

sh*t, okay, go, free, okay.

Ow!

Ow.

Okay, hi, Parker.

Hi you old nice, boring man.

Okay, we're gonna take a photo.

sh*t, what?

No! What are you doing?

Don't!

Shh.

God-dammit!

How are you sleeping?

Roll over!

God, you're f*cking pointless.

Roll over!

One.

Two.

Oh, oh, come on!

Come

Ow, no!

- What the hell

happened in here?

Is that me?

So mean.

I'm sorry, Seor.

There's no one

here by that name.

Or the other girls.

Have you tried

calling the police?

- Yeah, I don't think

we're there yet.

Thank you though.

Okay.

- Who the f*ck are you?

- It's me, it's me.

It's Abby, it's me.

- Abby?

What are you doing here?

- I was just trying

to take a selfie.

- A selfie?

f*cking psycho.

- Abby,

are you in there?

- Oh God.

He's gonna k*ll you.

- Abby, open up.

- There's nobody here by

that name, so piss off.

- Shh!

- Oh my God, you f*cked Parker!

- No!

- What are you doing here?

- No, no, no, no!

- Well?

How's that for your

first time, Miguel?

Ain't she's something else?

Found her in bed with

her ex on our honeymoon.

- It was really stupid.

I was drunk

and trying to get a selfie

to make him jealous.

The only reason I did it is

because I went to

FaceTime Travis last night

and this is what I saw.

- I, Abby, I, I had nothing

to do with this.

You have to believe me.

- I do.

I do.

When I sobered up this morning

and I had a second to think,

I figured that, I don't know,

that some girls must have

taken your phone or something.

- And that's the truth,

- Right, I believe you.

- You guys, there's,

there's hope in this.

- Except that doesn't

really go both ways

in our relationship

now, does it?

- Well, it's not really

like you gave me

a fighting chance

with your marriage

annulment contest.

You set me up to fail.

- Miguel, I know that you said

that there's something

in Travis and I

that's worth fighting for,

but, you know, I don't really

think I have any fight left.

- Then neither do I.

- I-

- Travis.

- Abby, Psalm 51 says, create a-

- Save it, I'm done.

- My mom

knows someone at customs

who can get us on a four o'clock

flight back to Sacramento.

- Thanks.

But I think I'm just

gonna hang around here.

Wander.

- Don't wander too far.

Promise?

- Yes.

Yes, I promise, Mare.

But enough about me.

How are you doing?

- This is so weird, Abby.

The second I met Shepley,

I just fell so hard.

And we get here and I

feel like I'm just seeing

who he really is

for the first time.

- Yeah, sounds familiar.

- I mean, he hunts,

he spies on me.

I just can't.

He's not right for me.

- I hear you.

I thought maybe

Travis was different,

but he's just like all

the men from my past.

I mean, I don't know

what to say, Mare.

I guess we were both just-

- Hello?

Abby?

I want to see

the two of you in my office

in an hour,

and don't you even

think of skipping town.

This is about Travis

assuming your debt

by fighting against Chernobyl.

- Abby, it's not what you think!

- I f*cking hate you!

- I don't hit women.

- ,

m*therf*cker.

You said you

wouldn't do anything!

- God, you're firm.

- I f*cking

hate you, you maggot!

- What

are you, hormonal?

- f*ck you!

- Who is it?

- What?

What do you want?

- I'm sorry about your painting.

- Sorry about f*cking

up your life, ish.

- You didn't f*ck up my life.

You f*cked up my

relationship with my dad.

- Well, there were

some other things.

Toledo.

- Hmm.

- Toledo? Dude, I was 14.

- You were a cash-cow.

- You really did deserve

that rock to the head.

I'm sorry about...

- Darius?

- Yeah.

- I don't even know if

he ever really loved me.

This painting was my

last-ditch effort,

'cause we were down,

doesn't matter.

- Well, for what it's worth,

it's not like my

relationship is any better.

I'm about to be

a divorcee at 19.

- What?

- Yeah.

- For somebody who

is so good at cards,

you are a real f*ckin' idiot.

- Excuse me?

- Oh yeah, right.

Miss Wisdom, at 19.

You don't see what's staring

you right in the face!

Love! Abby!

Love!

Your guy! This guy!

The fighter, Travis!

And the passion you two have?

You think you can

buy that on Amazon?

You cannot.

I don't care if you're

19 or you're 90!

When that happens? Sha-bam!

- Sha-bam?

- Sha-bam!

- Sha-bam.

- f*ckin'' sha-bam.

- What do you guys want?

- We want you to fight for her.

- You don't think I'm trying?

- Then, dude, try

f*ckin' harder.

It's like Dad always said,

"Sometimes you have to

fight for both of you

when one of you gives up."

- That's right.

You fight and you fight,

and you keep fighting.

- 'Cause you're a Maddox and

that's what we do for love.

- Travis, do you love her?

- Of course I love her.

- Then go and get her, dude.

- I don't even

know where she is.

- I think she found you, bro.

- What?

- Where did you get these

suits, "Douchebags-R-Us?"

Dude, they're traditional.

- Oh yeah, really?

Did you get these with suits

with a sign that reads:

"Please don't f*ck me?"

- Shh.

Guys, he's a f*cking priest.

Have some respect!

- Ah!

- Ow!

- No. No fighting!

- Queso!

- This is the ring that

our father got our mother.

She passed before Travis

really got to ever know her.

- But, it's special.

And you're special.

- We'd like you to have it,

'cause we all love

you very much.

- This is beautiful.

I just wish that I could

have met her, you guys.

But, I'm sure she

was so incredible.

I don't even know what to say.

- Well, you could say yes.

- Yes, yes, yeah.

I'll cherish this forever.

Thank you guys so much.

I'm really proud to call

you guys my brothers.

- Hey!

What are guys doing to her?

Tried the "Trabby?"

- Hey!

Yeah. Yeah, I've had like three.

They're great. They're great.

You should get one, man.

- Alright, I'll have one.

Did you talk to Mare?

- Mare, uh.

- You alright?

- Yeah, it's, I mean,

it doesn't matter.

- Yeah, yeah-

- It's your night, man.

It's your night.

- Cheers.

- Shep, I love you.

- I love,

dude, I love you.

I love you so much.

- No, but seriously.

I love you.

- I love you more, bro.

For real.

- No, I would leave

her tonight, for you.

If it weren't for the whole

"cousin-imbreeding" thing,

we could have something.

- Come here.

Come here.

I'm so happy for you.

Now, you should find your wife.

That's weird to say.

- I know.

You good?

- I'm good.

I'm good. I'm good.

- Okay.

- I'm good.

Hey, what's, what's

the "Shepmare?"

Can I, can I have one of those?

- You tell me.

- Oh my!

Oh, what's, uh, baby!

Babe, oh my God!

- I came back!

- Come here. Come

here. Come here!

Come here! Come here! Pumpkin!

Pumpkin!

I missed you!

- I missed you too!

I was at the spa

and I heard that someone

tried to free the roosters

but didn't realize that they're

actually trained K*llers-

- I didn't know

they were K*llers!

- And I thought that

that might be you.

Did you do that?

- Yeah.

Yeah, I was just

trying to be a nice guy.

And, and, they're

not, they're not nice.

- Awe.

- No.

- You're a good man,

Sheppley Maddox.

And I've been such a jerk,

and I'm, I spun out

about a dumb thing

and I shut down,

and I'm-

- No, no, stop, stop, stop!

- I'm so sorry!

- I'm, I'm sorry!

I'm sorry! I'm sorry

for, for spying on you.

And-

- No, I, I love you so much!

- I love you so much, baby!

- I love you so much!

And I want to be your

baby pterodactyl!

- You wanna be my-

- I wanna be on your mantle!

- Come here, babe!

- Buenas noches.

- Hmm.

Sancho, right?

- Si.

- I feel like

I'm past my prime.

- Hmm.

All I want to do is nap.

- Hmm.

I'd take a good nap over that:

"painting, meditation" bullshit.

- Hmm. Mm-hmm.

- Money doesn't fix it.

Ass doesn't fix it.

- Ass?

No bueno.

Pino's ass?

Tight.

Treacherous.

- I just want to find somebody

to sail off into

the sunset with.

I could f*ck a couple

people up along the way.

But, just for fun.

- I like

a man like you.

- I've never tried Mexican.

- I think that you would

find it most appealing.

- Okay, so I've been thinking.

- Uh-oh.

- I've been thinking about

giving the Maddox's name a try.

But, it has to include

some personalized towels.

- Towels?

- Mm-hmm.

Expensive towels.

- And how many points is that?

- Oh, forget about the points.

I stopped counting when we

were down by like a thousand.

- A thousand's

an exaggeration.

- It was stupid anyway.

I can't rationalize

this marriage.

And, I can't rationalize

why I love you.

But,

I do.

- And so,

Abby and Travis agreed,

"Till death do us part."

As long as they don't

k*ll each other.

Adios, amigos.

- Jesus, brother!

- Alright!

Jesus Christ!