Church People (2021)

[bunniefuu]

[intense whooshing]
[electronic crackling]

[upbeat orchestral music]
[upbeat rock music]

[indistinct chattering]

♪ Don't follow me ♪

♪ I'm just a man on
a mission from God ♪

♪ I said, don't ♪

♪ Don't follow me ♪

♪ I'm just a man on
a mission from God ♪

♪ Ah-Ah who you gonna follow ♪

♪ Who you gonna follow ♪

♪ Who you gonna follow ♪

♪ Who you been followin' ♪

♪ Just don't ♪

♪ Follow me ♪
[camera shutter clicks]

♪ I'm just a man on
a mission from God ♪

♪ Yeah ♪
[crowd cheers]

♪ Man on a mission ♪

♪ Man on a mission ♪

- ♪ Man on a mission ♪
- His official title

is Youth Pastor

at Sand Hills Neighborhood
Church in California.

I'm asking you to be in this.

I can't get it done without you.

Be with Mabel.

Wherever she's at,
guide her steps

- [whispers indistinctly].
- Mr. Guy Sides!

[crowd cheers]

Give it up for DJ Jazzy Carl!

Yeah!

Good to see you!

[crowd continues cheering]
Thank you.

Thank you so much.

You know, we've
been on this tour,

and this is the third
month of this tour,

and I have realized,

I should've brought more
than two pair of pants.

[audience laughs]

Oh!
[ball thuds]

Ho-ho!

Yeah, well, a beach ball.

I'm not sure what
I'm supposed to...

I'm supposed to sign.

[crowd cheers]

Alright, let me
sign the beach ball.

Okay.

Thank you.
[stagehand mumbles]

Very exciting, I understand.
[marker scratching]

Thank you, efficient stagehand.

[Stagehand] Thanks, Guy.

I'm not sure who threw this,

but I'll just throw it back
that general direction.

All right.
[crowd cheers]

Okay, let's get
back to why I came.

This is gonna sound like I'm
exaggerating, but I am not.

If you miss this,
you miss everything.

[upbeat suspenseful music]
[door clatters open]

- Hey.
- They were fun.

That was awesome [laughs].

If they cry, they buy.

Oh, man, why
you gotta do that?

What?

They're people with souls.

Absolutely, absolutely.

But that beach ball action,

that could be a thing.

- Beach ball?
- Yeah.

- That was just spontaneous-
- Well, it was

spontaneously brilliant, okay?

How 'bout that?

I've seen things, and I've
seen how things start,

and you definitely
started a thing.

That's a thing.

Hey, don't leave
the souls waiting.

Go get 'em.
[upbeat mellow music]

Guy Sides, y'all!

Chicago!

Yeah!
[crowd applauds]

All right!
[crowd continues applauding]

[upbeat mellow music continues]

[indistinct chattering
in the background]

[upbeat rock music]

I'm asking you to be in this.

We can't get it
done without you.

Be with Mabel.

Wherever she's at,

- guide her steps.
- And you know him

as America's youth pastor,

Guy Sides!
[crowd cheers]

If you miss this,

you miss everything.
[crowd continues cheering]

[air whooshing]
If you miss this,

you miss everything.
[crowd cheers]

[air whooshing]
If you miss this,

you miss everything.
[crowd cheers]

There's was my guy.

[laughs] Hey!

Nailed it again.

- Nailed it again.
- I-

I just hope they
heard the gospel,

- and the deeper-
- Totes, totes.

Totes, they did [laughs].

But here's the thing.

That beach ball thing,

we need to capitalize on it.

From now on, you are officially
the "Beach Ball Guy".

- No, I am absolutely not
- No, you absolutely are

- the "Beach Ball Guy".
- the "Beach Ball Guy".

- And absolutely means-
- And let me tell you-

Listen.

- It's bigger than
- Nada.

- either one of us.
- No.

You made it a thing!

[Guy] It's a thing
I'm not gonna do.

Okay, brother.
[door handle clatters]

We can talk about it.

We can always talk about it.

But I need you right
now to be the baller

I know you can be.

Now, you go out there,

and ball till you fall!

Hey, y'all, look who's here!

Mr. Baller!
[crowd cheers]

- Oh, look at that!
- Hi, you you doin'?

[Jonathan] And they got

- the beach balls!
- Good to see you.

[Jonathan] And they
got the beach balls!

Great, thank you.
[indistinct chattering]

If you miss this,

you miss everything.
[crowd cheers]

Guys, listen,
[beach balls thudding]

if you miss this,
you miss everything.

[crowd continues cheering]
[beach balls thudding]

[somber orchestral music]

Hey, there he is.

I told you, man.

I told you this beach ball
thing is bigger than any of us.

It's a thing.

How does anybody take
the gospel seriously

with all this nonsense?

But it's interesting.

You realize, interesting
is Christian code for crazy.

But crazy in a
good way, right?

Right?

[upbeat rock music]

[Audience Member] Sign this?

What would Jesus do?

This still happenin'?

I have an idea.

Why don't we talk about
what Jesus has done?

d*ed and rose again, right?

Oh, I have Jesus in my heart.

What I don't have, is a beach
ball with your name on it.

[suspenseful dramatic music]
[marker scratching]



it's about what Jesus did.

Thanks.

[suspenseful dramatic
music continues]

[air whooshing]

[crowd cheering]

If you miss-

[crowd continues cheering]

You know, I think we missed it.

Guys, could you dial it
back with the beach balls?

[beach balls thudding]

[crowd continues cheering]

[beach ball thuds]

[air whooshing]

It's like the entire church
has become the youth group.

Boom!

That's our new slogan.
[electronic whirring]

"Our whole church
is a youth group."

That's interesting.

[electronic whirring]
[hoverboard sizzling]

Oh, man!
[electronic crackling]

That's the third one this week.

So rough tour?

I want out.

What's going on with you?

You need some time off?

It's deeper than that.

Is this a faith crisis?

No, not at all.

Remember back when
first started?

Yeah, those were good times.

We had 60 people at the most,

and all we did was
preach the gospel.

Ooh, Superman works.

I like Superman.

Are you listening to me?

Yes, of course!

"A good pastor
has to multitask."

It was in my book.

Go on.

I can't function like this.

Evangelicalism has
become this machine

and it's eating me up.

Take a nap.

"A good nap always
refreshes me."

That was also in my book.

Did you even read my book?

Wow!

Those are both good.

Guy, what do you think?

I'm done.

He's right, no masks.

So let's stick with Superman.

Thanks.

You're the most popular
youth pastor in the country.

Everybody loves you.

They'll find someone else.

America's youth
pastor can't quit.

America would be bummed.

Your kids would
be really bummed.

Guy, listen to me.

I know you're under
a lot of pressure.

I get it.

I'm feelin' it too.

I need something big for
Good Friday and Easter.

Bigger than the resurrection?

Maybe I've hit my ceiling?

I rode in on a Harley.

I rode in on a cow.

I got sh*t out of a cannon.

What if you dial
it back for a year?

No, no, more is more, Guy!

More show, more
people in the seats.

More people in the seats,

more people get to
hear the gospel!

I'm not sure
your math adds up.

What is it?

What's the hook?

I would love to
help you, but I quit.

No, you are not quitting.

I am.

Fine, quit after
you take a nap.

Although, use this.

It'll change your life.

[gentle whimsical music]
I love you, brother.

[door clatters open]

[sighs] Guy, perfect timing.

Robert and I are
just about finished

blowing up beach
balls for you to sign.

[air hissing]
[pillow softly thuds]

I quit, I quit, I quit!

[air hissing]
I said, I quit!

I-
[air continues hissing]

[Guy exhales loudly]

[pen clatters]
Sorry.

Can we get the beach
balls to listen to me?

[air hissing]
[gentle whimsical music]

Guy!

You're back?

[Guy] Hey, I gotta...

I'm on my way out.

Cool.

We'll catch up.

[Chad] Remember, big smiles
and have a blessed service.

[footsteps pattering]
[bodies softly thud]

Chad, I'm not watching
where I'm going.

Where are you going?

[sighs] It's a good question.

You're tired.

I don't think a
nap can fix that.

Right.

Wait, why would you say that?

It's my gift.

I know things,

like when people are tired.

[table leg clattering]
[liquid sloshing]

Chad, why are you here?

Oh, I'm training
more greeters today.

No, I mean-

- Oh, existentially?

Exactly!

Why are you here?

I am here to serve.

Jesus laid down his life for us,

so we oughta be
willing to do the same.

[liquid sloshing]

I've gotta go.

Guy?
[door handle clatters]

You didn't say
goodbye to your kids.

[intense dramatic music]

[Guy inhales
sharply and exhales]

[mellow instrumental music]
[bowl clatters]

Thanks, Chad.

[mellow instrumental
music continues]

Sheila, hey, will you go
find a mop from the closet?

Jeremy, go to the pantry,

see if you can find some rice
to dry out Blaise's phone.

Blaise, take five.

I'm really glad things
are back to normal.

It must've been a power nap?

Hmm.

Chad, it's me.

I'm not a real superhero.

You could be, sir.

[mellow instrumental
music continues]

[Segway whirring]

♪ Praise God from whom
all blessings flow ♪

♪ Praise Him all
creatures here below ♪

♪ Praise Him above
ye heavenly hosts ♪

♪ Praise Father,
Son, and Holy Ghost ♪

[Chad] Have a blessed service.

Brother, good to see you.

Have a bless service.

You get in there,
you little rascal.

Hey, have a blessed service.

Good to see ya.

♪ You lift me up ♪

- [crowd cheers]
- And that's

how the power of the
Holy Spirit propels us

[bike clangs]
[crowd continues cheering]

from one hill in
life to the next.

- Amen?
- Amen.

Amen.
[crowd cheers]

Hey, before we let you go,

I told you, if we broke
attendance records this quarter,

I'd get the church logo
tattooed on my arm.

[crowd cheers]
And we broke those records,

and Pastor Skip
keeps his promises.

[crowd cheers]

If we hit our goal of 500 new
attendees by next quarter,

I'm gonna get pierced.

[crowd continues cheering]

Okay.

Bring it on.

[crowd cheers]
[tattoo g*n whirs]

[Pastor Skip screams]

Okay, if you wanna turn in
your phones to 1st John 3:16.

That's 1st John 3:16,
not the gospel of.

Hey, you guys, I
wanna say something.

I realized I haven't
been around a lot lately,

and I want you to know,
that's gonna change.

All right, who wants to read
our a verse for tonight?

Blaise.

"This is how we
know what love is."

"Jesus laid down
his life for us,

and we ought to lay down
our lives for each other."

Jesus laid down
his life for us.

How do most of us
think about that?

Try really hard to be good.

God loves the mess
that you are right now.

The point of the gospel,

is that we can't be like Jesus.

We can't be as good as
we think we should be.

Jesus laid down
his life for you.

You never have to
prove yourself again.

Jesus laid down
his life for you,

and God's love is
bigger than our mess.

[door clatters open]

I thought you were
gonna go as Superman?

No, we couldn't
get the clearance.

I couldn't even get
Super Positive cleared.

Pretty hardcore, huh?

[Guy] Yeah, we heard
you in the Youth Room.

[Pastor Skip] It
didn't hurt too bad.

Should that be
bleedin' like that?

Oh, I don't know.

What do you think Carla's
gonna say when she sees it?

Just wear sleeves
when you Skype.

No, she's coming home.

- Carla?
- Yeah.

- Your daughter?
- Yeah.

- The missionary?
- Yeah.

I thought I told you?

Yeah, you told me.

Are you being sarcastic?

I am.

Oh, fun.

Yeah, she just broke
things off with her fiance,

and I wanna get her set up

- into a stable relationship.
- Oh.

Oh, wow, I don't know.

- My schedule-
- I'm gonna set

her up with Tino.

Wait, Tino?

♪ Thank the Lord. ♪

Come on, people!

I mean, the audience is
expecting a lot from me.

Us.

I don't even understand,

why did I even write it

if you can't even play
it the way I felt it?

To glorify God?

[exhales loudly] If God
wanted to be glorified,

he would hire professionals.

Are you punishing her?

What?

He'd be great for her.

He's stable.

Doesn't have ideas.

He produces volume.

How could she resist?

Talk him up!

I got an idea.

Let her live her life.

That's just crazy talk.

It's in your book.

Oh, you're right.

[ball thuds]

Is it wrong to lust
after a mannequin?

[ball continues thudding]
[objects clattering]

What?

You're busy.

Sorry.

No, no, no.

No, come on...

Come in.

Grab a chair.

Have a seat.

[chair clangs]

Now, what's the issue?

You know how mannequins
can be super hot?

Is it wrong to think that?

I mean, they're not human.

They're wood.

Most are plastic.

So you get it?

I don't know where
you're shoppin'-

- Oh, they're everywhere.

And at first, I was turning
my eyes away from real girls

and then there they were.

I mean, everywhere.

Well, Blaise, as a teenager,

I imagine you still have lots of

changes going on in your body.

Because I'm born again now?

No.

Have you talked to your
parents about this?

Mannequin lust?

Well, I meant, you know,

becoming a Christian, and
hanging out at church, all that?

They're uber supportive,

and whatever makes me
happy, that's their thing.

Well, Blaise,

you can't have a
meaningful relationship

with those kinda women.

I can't believe I'm
callin' 'em women.

They're nothing!

They're heartless.

They're brainless.

They all are.

[Carla] So I'm guessing
you're still single?

[footsteps pattering]

[stammers] Can I help you?

Really?

Yeah, I think
that's how it works.

You come into my
office, and I help you.

Do you have a kid
in our program?

No.

No kids, no husband.

That's good.

I don't mean it's good.

I mean, it's not bad either.

I just...

All I mean is,

single people are often single.

You talk for a living, right?

[Guy stammers and coughs]

Yikes!

That's a rough first impression.

Oh, don't worry about that.

I got my first impression
of him a long time ago.

You did?

When would that have been
at, a conference, or...

I'm sorry, I'm lost here.

[chuckles] Yeah,
I would say you are,

and you obviously need
help more than I do,

which is why I'm here.

So you're here to volunteer?

If that's the case,

you need to be a church member,

and fill out an
application form.

[desk drawer shuffles]

I am a long-time
church member,

and I can write.

So we're off to a good start.

This is Blaise.

And you are?

Pleased to meet you.

I see how it is.

Do you know Jesus?

He's a new believer.

Yes, I do.

I could climb a
mountain for Jesus!

Who is very enthusiastic.

Seriously, throw me a rope.

Blaise, you are a pickle.

Thank you.

Don't you have a jar
you need to get to?

I was just headed to the mall.

No, no, no, no!

Sit, sit!

Oh, so here's a volunteer
application form

that you'll need
to fill out now.

Sneaky way of getting my name.

This is weird.

Is this flirting?

Unless you wanna back out?

Wait, can you date volunteers?

Why would I wanna back out?

That's like a
church policy, right?

Yes, Blaise, there's a policy.

Is that right?

May I just...
[pens clattering]

So you're turning me down?

Church policy
dictates that I must.

Well, we are under
grace here, not law.

[paper crinkling]

You just threw away my name.

Okay, so when you figure
it out, give me a call.

Let me know how I can help.

So [chuckles] nice
to meet you, Blaise.

[footsteps descending]
[arms shuffling]

[paper crinkling]

Carla Finney.

Is that Pastor Skip's daughter?

I mean, they both have
the same last name,

so is it?
[paper crinkles]

[Guy sighs]

All right, take
it from the top.

♪ Two, three, four ♪

[mellow instrumental music]
All right, everybody.

Sing it like you
mean it this time!

[piano strums]
What?

It's the first song.

So?

They haven't had a
chance to be insincere yet.

Rocked from out here.

It doesn't rock up here.

Tino, I would like you
to meet my daughter, Carla.

[sensual R&B music]

Carla Finney.

- Hi.
- Hi.

♪ Carla Finney ♪

♪ I heard so much about you ♪

♪ It makes me witty and giddy ♪

You know what?

I'm gonna write you a song.

Another one?

Thank you, but that
would be too much.

No, no, I mean it.

No, I mean it too.

[Tino clears throat]

♪ Now you're here
from so far away ♪

♪ Moldova ♪

♪ But if you leave ♪

♪ You're gonna
sh**t our hearts ♪

♪ With a revolver ♪

Wow!

[Tino] I know.

[Carla laughs sarcastically]

I just made that up just now.

Did you?

My whole life is a musical.

Enchanting.

Except for the talking parts,

because it's kind of a
disappointment when I have to talk.

I can see that.

Really?

[Carla] Yeah.

We get each other.

Oh, you know, dad
and I have to...

There's a...

It was so nice to meet you.

♪ Nice meeting you ♪

[Carla] Nice to meet you.

♪ I hope to see you again ♪

♪ And baby, oh, I'll call you ♪

[Carla] Oh, that's
okay, I'll see you around.

All right.

[electric car engine whirs]

You didn't even try.

You could be his leading lady.

I am happy just
being a bit player.

You won't even go
on one date with him?

That's never gonna happen.

Never say never, honey.

It's an ugly word.

Dad, I didn't come home
for another relationship.

I came home to recover from one.

I know, I'm just
thinking long-term here.

I'm just here on
a round-trip ticket.

What?

I thought you were here to stay?

[Carla] Maybe.

We'll see.

Ooh, there's Tino's car.

It's new.

It's electric.

Dad, it's a nice car, but
it doesn't change the man.

I just don't want you with

any more of these
crazy, ambitious-types.

Bump.

[electric car thuds and clacks]

Tino's ambitious.

Yeah, but he's too
simple to pull it off.

Look, a fellow who
keeps things simple

is not gonna hurt you.

They won't abandon you,

and they're not gonna
take you away from here.

That's funny coming from a
man who leaves professionally.

I was never gone for more
than three months at a time.

You were gone for
nine months, Dad.

Not true.

Technically, those were three
consecutive book tours, right?

Oh, okay, all better.

Come on, I was
home every Sunday.

Ew, technically, you
are here every Sunday.

Ouch.

I know you were making
major life decisions

and I was not there for you,

and I will regret that
for the rest of my life.

It's good to
hear you say that,

'cause I always felt like you
ministered to everyone else

but your own family.

And for that, I am so sorry.

The good news is, I'm
not going anywhere,

and now, neither are you.

[electric car motor whirs]

Here we are.

[gearshift clanks]

Carla, I'm really
glad you're home.

It is so good to see you.

You too.

Oh, and I'll work on trying
to get you a better spot.

Oh, no problem.

I really enjoyed our chat.

Me too.

Will you at least think
about giving Tino a chance?

I don't know, Dad.

Honey, I can't fix all
the things I did wrong

when you were a little girl,

but maybe I can
make it up to you?

All we can do is move forward.

Okay.

No, really.

All we can do is move forward.

The reverse is broken.

I'm gonna need you
to push me back.

You want me to push?

I have to drive.

Yep.

Get around front.

[Carla] Yeah.

Put your shoulder into it.
[Carla scoffs]

It's kinda heavy.

Come on.

Oh.

Hey, babe?

Babe.

Walking through the door.

I'm walking through the
doors as we speak, literally.

Yes, I just walked
through the doors.

As long as I don't

- get held up by some-
- Pastor Guy?

- Good to see you.
- Chad.

[mumbles] Yes, I will...

Yes, Chad, I'll be right up.

Walmart's got nothin'
on you, buddy.

Amateurs.

Hey, I would love to
chat, but I am late.

For your meeting
with Pastor Skip, yeah.

Planning these events
can just be grueling.

Yeah, they can.

Each stunt having to be
bigger and better than the last.

Oh, stunts.

Heard you met with Carla?

Wow.

Wow what?

Well, I just think you
two could make a great team.

I mean, I'm focused
on the youth group.

Nah, you're right,

she'd probably just
be a distraction.

[gentle orchestral music]

I guess I could use some help?

What a great idea.

You should keep
going, you're late.

Hey, thanks, Chad.

[gentle orchestral
music continues]

[coat jacket rustles]

[door clatters open]

There he is.
[door slams shut]

[air whooshing]

I did it!

I took my nap!

Wham!

It came to me.

Something, really, really
big for Good Friday.

Big.

Uh-oh.

This is gonna be our
most daring event ever.

This year, for Good Friday,

we are gonna have a crucifixion.

[dramatic orchestral music]

You mean, a
passion play, right?

Oh, no, no, no, an
actual crucifixion.

Like they do in Mexico
and the Philippines?

Wait.

You knew about that?

Why didn't you tell me?

'Cause it's a
mockery of the Gospel.

No, it's an homage.

It's impactful.

And we are bringin'
it to Sand Hills.

You're gonna crucify
a human in church?

Yes.

This will cement us as
the cutting edge church.

Okay, Skip, I realize
you can't see this,

because you're crazy,

but no one is going
to be okay with this.

Everybody's okay with it.

The board already approved it,

and they approved sh**ting
confetti during the altar call.

How does this involve me?

[Pastor Skip exhales loudly]

I wanna give you the honor

of being the first man
crucified in an American church.

[chair softly rattles]

[footsteps pattering]

[cup shuffles]

[liquid sloshing]

[uptempo hip-hop music]
♪ Whoa ♪

♪ Oh, man ♪

♪ Whoa ♪
[cup clanks]

[Guy exhales loudly]

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

I'm not sure how to say this,

but you are insane!

I have no role in this!

[Pastor Skip] It'll
be perfectly safe.

That's the reason
Dr. Knott is here.

You see, Guy,

it wasn't the nails that
actually k*lled people.

Most d*ed by asphyxiation.

See?

Science.

And no one in Mexico
has d*ed from this.

As far as we know.

By placing the nails through
your palms in the right place,

we hope to avoid
major nerve damage.

Nothing is 100%.

You'll have to sign
a waiver, of course,

to protect the church.

And one for me too.

Sure.

All right!

Good meeting, everyone.

Guy, Guy, wait, wait!

Where are you going?

Come on!

You're the eighth person on
the staff to turn us down.

Even Tino said no.

Turns out, he's a bleeder.

He doesn't have
enough platelets.

He can't form scabs.

Think about this, Guy.

This is gonna be huge,

bigger than anything
we've ever done,

National headlines,
monster book sales.

This is what I'm
trying to get away from.

Gimmicks!

You call it gimmicks,

I call it souls in the seats.

You know, Skip I think
the Gospel's enough.

[door clatters open]
[footsteps descending]

[door softly shuts]

I did not see that coming.

[door handle clatters]

- Great seeing you too.
- Let me know if you

need anymore help.

- Mm-hmm.
- Tell me you stopped him?

Stop Pastor Finney, Carla?

Carla Finney.

I get it, you
know who I am now.

I'm sorry I didn't recognize
you, but you've aged.

[Carla] Thanks?

That's what happens when
you've been gone for 10 years.

No, you look way better
than a lot of women your age.

- Should we talk about my dad?
- Yes.

You are the only
one that can stop him.

What are you gonna do?

I told him he's insane.

I'm not the lead pastor here.

All I can do is what
I'm supposed to do,

which is to care for these kids.

What are you gonna do?

[Carla] I'm coming with you.

Why do you think I'm here?

I don't know.

You're not exactly free
flowing with the information.

Someone didn't let me finish
filling out my application.

Come on!

You said, you're late.

[Guy scoffs]

- He's my dad.
- Come on, you guys!

We're runnin' late!

You're late.

We were early.

[Guy sighs]

We can't get in a locked van.

Hey, we heard you're
gonna get crucified.

That's awesome!

How did you...

- I'm not-
- Word travels fast.

Is it gonna be biblical?

Yeah, you're gonna be naked?

My mom would go to
church see that.

No one's getting crucified,

and definitely, no
one's getting naked!

I'd do it.

I do anything God wanted me to.

Jesus was enough,
don't you think?

Can you just get everyone
in the van, please?

Oh, sorry.

[van door slams shut]

[trunk door clatters open]

Wow, you really
shut that down.

Well, that's
what you have to do

with these kids sometimes.

And that's exactly what
you have to do with my dad.

[object thuds]

You remember that
time my dad was gonna

live in a plexiglass
box for three days

if we filled two
shipping containers

with Christmas sweaters?

You must remember that,
'cause you stopped it.

It was a long time ago.

[bag crunching]

What happened to you?

Me?

Your dad is the one
with the gimmicks.

Says the beach ball guy.

I'm sorry, but you
used to push back.

You seem to think

I have the same influence
as your father here.

I don't.

You had a big influence on me.

You once said,
"We're all sent,

the only question is where".

That's why I went to
Moldova in the first place,

and I learned so much,

and the only person I could
think to share with was you.

Didn't you have a boyfriend

or a fiance somewhere in there?

- Ah, come on!
- You blew it, man!

Let's talk later when
it's less dramatic.

Don't worry about it.
[trunk door slams shut]

I'm done talking.

Fine!

Let's go minister
at the shelter.

[Carla] Let's go minister

- at the shelter then.
- Hey!

Amen.

[van doors clatters open]
Brother.

- [van door slams shut]
- Ow, quit it.

Come on, guys, buckle up.

Maybe you should
team up with Tino?

You know, Skip would love that.

Right now, Tino
sounds better than you.

He always sounds better.

He sings.

I'm just disappointed.

I wish you would do your job.

I am currently doing my job!

Hold on, guys!

[engine revs]
[tires squealing]

[youth member yells]
[van thuds]

Great.

Well.
[sunglasses clatter]

No, no, no, no, no!

Oh, no, no.
[car door slams shut]

♪ Oh, no ♪

♪ No ♪

No, no, no, no, no.

Oh, please, please, Tessi!

Tessi, are you okay, baby?

There's no damage at all.

[Tino stammers]
It's not even smudged.

How do you even know?

I mean, it could be internally

- hurting right now.
- I can see it.

There is...

[stammers] It's
like they kissed.

- Yeah, sure.
- Our bumpers

- high fived.
- Yeah, sure.

No.
[Guy claps hands]

Oh, what a bummer.

You guys were finally
starting to gel.

We were arguing.

Yeah, but you were both
mad about the same thing.

Oh, by the stars of
Liza Minnelli [moans].

My car insurance guy
is gonna blow a gasket.

You don't call insurance
when there's no damage.

That's the dumb...

[quirky instrumental music]

You're brilliant!

It's awkward, but comforting.

Thanks!

[quirky instrumental
music continues]

Man, that went
surprisingly well.

Yeah.

The shelter gives us all a
little perspective, doesn't it?

Yeah, it's a work in progress.

That was quite a
hug you gave Tino.

Yes, the insurance guy.

You're not on trackin'
with me, are ya?

Apparently not.

Tomorrow morning, I'm
gonna pay a little visit

to the church's insurance guy.

He may have some strong opinions

about nailing someone to a cross

from a liability standpoint.

You're a genius.

That's what I've been saying.

I have an idea too.

I love it!

Let's do it.

Don't you wanna hear it first?

Sure, then let's do it.

[chuckles] Okay.

I think I can talk
some sense into Tino.

That seems unlikely.

If he's on our side,

we can be a unified front

and talk my dad out
of this madness.

You're a genius.

That's what I've been saying.

[seatbelt latch clanks]

Hey, remember when
you guys almost kissed?

Blaise, can you back in,

back in your seat please?

But I can't hear
you guys back there.

[uptempo pop music
plays over the radio]

I am shocked and appalled.

This is just outrageous.

I have never run
out a mints before.

It's fine.

I don't need a mint, Mort.

What about the
crucifixion situation?

Right, right, right.

Well, this is the first
I'm hearing about it,

but I can assure you,

that I will check
into this post-haste.

[sighs] Good.

Yeah, I'm gonna pour
over your current policy,

and it's extremely unlikely

that we would cover
something like this, but...

Well, in fact,

even waiver forms create some
massive liability problems.

That's what I've
been telling them.

Okay, thank you, Mort.

- I just-
- Okay.

Well, we just want our
clients to be happy.

Appreciate it.

In fact, I'm gonna
send you some mints.

[guitar case clatters shut]

Tino?

[Carla chuckles]

- Oh.
- Hi.

♪ Carla, you're the one for me ♪

No.

No.
♪ Carla ♪

♪ We were meant to be together ♪

I see.

Do you have a second?

I just wanted to talk
to you for a second.

Oh, really?

- Okay, okay, of course.
- Yes.

But listen,

I got a really, really, really
important errand to run,

and if you come with
me, I'm all yours.

Oh, no, it'll
just take a minute.

I understand, that's cool,

but just just come.

It's easy [mumbles].

- Well, I'm-
- It'll be great.

Trust me.

- Oh.
- I'll sing to you.

No, no.

[mellow R&B music]

I thought you had
an errand to run?

You don't consider
eating an errand?

No, no one does.

Oh [laughs].

You are delightful.

[mellow R&B music continues]

♪ Lady, let me love you ♪

♪ Let me make your
dreams come true ♪

♪ Lady, let me love you ♪

You know I could have
been on Broadway, right?

'Cause I know I needed a stage,

and that stage
was at the church.

- Really?
- Mm-hmm.

You see the church
as your stage?

That a trick question?

No.

Listen.
[chair shuffles]

Believe me, I really,
really focused,

and thought really long
and hard about my career.

I believe that.

Oh, good.

[chair clatters]

And I think my best
sh*t at getting noticed

from a record producer would
be right here in Sand Hills.

[Carla sighs]
[chair clatters]

Carla?

♪ Lady, let me love you ♪

Carla, God made me to sing
in front of millions of people.

If he didn't,

then why would he graze me with
this amazing musical talent?

Tino, I wanted to talk
to you about my dad.

Really?

[chuckles] Me too.

There's been something
I wanted to ask him.

Oh, good.

Absolutely.
[chair clatters]

Carla, it involves your hand.

Listen, darling, I
wrote a song for us,

and I'd love for you to
hear right now, okay?

Right now?
[Tino clears throat]

[Tino hums]

Oh, please don't.

♪ The breadsticks are buttered ♪

No, they're not.

♪ And the glass is half full ♪

It's literally empty.

♪ Your eyes are so beautiful ♪

♪ That the moon is even full ♪

♪ With the rose right
here, it glows ♪

♪ Just like your ♪

- Nose?
- Yes!

This is bigger
than beach balls.

Are you serious?

- Yeah.
- No, Jonathan,

I am not gonna be
nailed to a cross

as a part of a publicity stunt.

See what I'm seeing!

See what I'm seeing!

I'm seeing books.

I'm seeing television shows.

You could have your
own reality show.

I'm seeing giganticuess
speaking honorariums, like-

- I know what you're seein',
- Yeah.

and I don't care
about any of that.

I just want the church to
get back to the Gospel.

Right.

You know what?

Okay, the church is whacked.

I hear ya.

And I'm gonna be
completely honest with you.

I agree.

But the problem is,

you're trying to get
your message across.

The Gospel.

Right, right, right,

and ain't nobody
listenin' to that.

Yeah, that's exactly
what's happening.

Do you wanna know why?

You left your platform

to go preach on someone
else's platform.

Sand Hills Church
is Skip's stage now.

It's just that simple.

Yeah, and I'm frightened.

You're making sense to me.

But yeah, I see that.

You wanna here
somethin' crazy?

Best way to show this is a
bad idea is to just do it.

So you're saying,

I should go through
with this stupid idea

just so I can tell everyone
it's a stupid idea?

Yeah!

Someone's gotta stick
up for the Gospel!

[Jonathan clicks teeth]

Take your time
and think it over.

I know you're still upset about
this whole Carla situation.

Carla?

- I'm not-
- Dude, let it go.

Let it go.

She's with Tino now.

What are you talking about?

Well, they're on a date.

Right now?

Yeah, right now,
they're on a date.

[cellphone buzzing]

You didn't know?

[sighs] I feel like I
let the cat out the bag.

The crazy thing is,
the whole church knows,

and they've been...

Hey, do me a favor!

So you'll think about it?

Guy, do me a favor,
and pray on this, bruh.

This could be beneficial
for all parties involved!

Including me and my 20%.

We will have...

♪ Carpaccio with beef ♪

♪ Thinly sliced raw prime beef ♪

♪ Hammered flat ♪

♪ With arugula ♪

♪ Also let me get the ♪

♪ Slivers of Grana cheese ♪

♪ Drizzled with extra, extra,
extra virgin olive oil ♪

I still need to rehearse.

[Tino chuckles]
[indistinct chattering]

Don't you wish real
life was like a...

♪ Musical ♪

No, no, but you're doing
your part to make it one.

- [chair thuds]
- Hi, kids.

Hi, Guy.

What are you doin' here?

I need to borrow Carla.

Listen, where we're actually
in the middle of a date.

It's an errand.

Hey, I don't wanna come
between you two kids,

and the happiness I
feel in the air here,

which [inhales
sharply] is electric,

but there's been an emergency.

An emergency?

Well, there's a girl,

obviously, I can't
tell you her name,

but she got herself into a jam,

and I have to counsel
this poor, confused soul

who's just crying out for help.

It's right here in the text.

And I can't do
that without Carla.

Oh, but I...

I just sing our order.

You know, if this was
a musical emergency,

I would call you.

We all would.

You know what?

You're right.

And when you're
right, you're right.

[stammers] If you
call me, I would go.

- Thanks, Tino.
- Yeah.

Sorry I ruined your plans.

You know what they
say about plans?

- What do they say about-
- Gotta go.

All right.

Right this way.

Okay.

Maybe one day you'll
tell me about the plans?

[Guy] Thank you for this food,

bless Mabel, keep her safe,

in Christ's name I pray.

- Amen.
- Amen.

I forgot about Mabel.

You used to pray for
her in youth group.

You never told us who she was.

No, I never did.

I see.

Well, thank you for saving me
from the phantom of the Tino.

Nice.

I'd much rather be on this.

Were you about to say date?

No.

No, I was gonna say, excursion.

Technically, you're
still on a date with Tino.

Yes, exactly.

And I'm having a
much better time now.

[both laughing]

Let me know if he
gets a second date,

and I'll bring some
cash next time.

Thanks for dinner.

You're welcome.

I never talked to Tino
about Good Friday.

Don't worry about it.

Pastor Skip, he can't find
a volunteer to do it anyway.

You know my dad,
he won't give up.

Talked to the
insurance guy today.

Let's just say,
he's very concerned.

Really?

Well, look at you.

Didn't buy me dinner,

but you talked to the
insurance guy, so.

Let's just relax,

and enjoy the rest of
you date with Tino.

[Carla chuckles]

Just don't sing to me.

[remote control cars whirring]

Are you Guy Sides?

I am.

How can I help you?

You could start by
explaining some stuff to me.

You know, I mean,
I've had a lot of time

to think about this,
and how I'd say it.

Just spit it out,

that's always the easiest way.

Okay.

I'm your daughter.

[gentle orchestral music]

Mabel?

Mabel?

My name's Gretchen.

You have a daughter
named Mabel too?

No, I just...

I didn't know your name.

[gentle orchestral
music continues]

Why?

You know, that's why I'm here.

I'm curious.

Your mom and I give
you up for adoption.

You wanna try that again?

I don't know what to say.

I believed it was the
right thing to do,

- but I still feel-
- Guilty?

I wouldn't say guilty.

Regret for not being
there, I guess.

But I'm happy you're here now.

Really?

You're not gonna get
booted outta here

for having me out of wedlock?

[scoffs] No, but
thank you for asking.

I get it.

You got a pretty sweet
deal goin' on here.

You don't want some
random kid screwin' it up.

So I wanna know everything.

Tell me about yourself.

Who are your friends?

What do you like?

- What's your favorite-
- Stop!

Why are you being nice?

You can't be nice.

Aren't I messing up your life?

Messing up my life?

I've been prayin'
for this moment

since before you were born.

Look, I have an idea.

Can we get some coffee?

[gentle orchestral music]

Yeah, we can
start with coffee.

♪ Rain down your love ♪

♪ Like rain ♪

Hey, guys, can I get a
little more halo light, please?

More, more halo.

More halo.

Whoo, that's good.

Thanks.

Hey!

Guy Sides!

How's it goin'?

I see that you're hiding
another beautiful lady from me.

How you doin'?

My name is Tino
Carmino, and your are?

[Guy] My daughter.

- My name is-
- You have a daughter?

[Gretchen] Gretchen!

- Nice to meet you.
- Well, we'll let you-

We'll let you get back
to your vanity cam.

So what happened
with you guys?

Well, it was our
last year of college.

The relationship was over.

About a month later,
your mom came to me

and told me she was pregnant,

and she thought we should
give the baby up for adoption,

and I agreed it would be best.

The baby?

That would be me?

Yeah, you were the baby.

We gave you up for adoption.

Well, except she didn't
give me up for adoption.

What?

She kept the baby.

[scoffs] Congratulations,
it's a girl!

[cups tapping]

[uptempo hip-hop music]
[indistinct chattering]

Pastor Guy and the lovely
Gretchen together at last.

[Gretchen] Did I
tell you my name?

He does That.

Let's take a picture.

[camera shutter clicks]

Ikky background,
move this way.

Chad, we're on our way out,

- so-
- Just take a second.

Over here, this...

Beautiful.

And back it up a little bit.

A little bit.

[Chad hums]

Perfect.

Great.

- One, two, three.
- Chad, what are you-

- One more step, Pastor Guy.

Four, and say, cheese.
[footsteps pattering]

[camera whirring]

I'm so sorry.

Are you okay?

I'm fine.

Are you all right, Blaise?

I'm great!

This is the best day of my life.

Well, to be fair,
that's every day for you.

Yeah, but this is a big one.

It's like the most
exciting day ever!

I'm gonna be crucified.

Isn't that great?

[Gretchen groans]

[footsteps departing]

Did he just say, he's
gonna be crucified?

Hey, I gotta go k*ll someone,

but do you wanna spend the
rest of the afternoon together?

- Sure.
- All right.

I won't be long.

Just gotta [mumbles].

You guys aren't big on the
Ten Commandments here, huh?

Funny, I just read
somewhere recently

that sarcasm could be genetic.

I'm not gonna let you do this.

Okay.

Give me an alternative.

I don't know.

Kick it old school.

Preach on the death and
resurrection of Jesus.

Hmm, riveting.

We're competing against a
lot of noise out there, Guy.

It's all chats, and tweets,
and bleeps, and blurps.

Blurps?

We've gotta grab their
attention and hold it!

Maybe we could get some noisy
gongs and clanging symbols?

Fun.

I know you're offended by this,

but God made me an entrepreneur,

and I could have used that
gift to build a corporation,

but I've chosen to
build His kingdom.

Skip, I am not
questioning your motives.

I'm concerned
about your methods.

The board, the staff,
me, we all agree with me.

History is filled with

large groups of
people who were wrong.

Look, brother, I love you.

We've been through the
trenches together for years.

I wonder if maybe you're being
called to different work?

[scoffs] I see.

Well, you do whatever
you have to do,

and I'll do whatever I
have to do to stop this.

[patriotic rock music]

Come on, Gretch-eon!

Your team needs you.

I didn't think laser tag
was cool even when it was.

You know, laser tag is
making a big comeback.

So is West Nile virus.

Come on.

All you need to do is look
down this scope thingy

and pull the trigger.

- [laser g*n whirs]
- Got you!

[Guy imitates
laser g*n whirring]

Come on, Pastor Guy.

We need you.

[Guy] Come on!

Cover me, Gretchen.

[laser g*n whirring]

You seem a little mature
to be in youth group.

[laser g*n whirs]

I'm not in it,
I'm just near it.

[laser g*n whirs]

Like what?

A volunteer?

[laser g*n whirs]

No, I'm here with Guy.

[laser g*n whirs]

Is that right?

You must be a little concerned
about his age, though?

[laser g*n whirs and clanks]

I don't know.

I mean, I guess he could
be a little bit older.

[laser g*n whirs]

Sounds like you
have daddy issues.

[laser g*n whirs]

Yeah, that's why I'm here.

[laser g*n whirs]

Why are you here?

Same reason, I guess.

Guy is your dad too?

Mabel?

Why does everyone
keep calling me that?

Wait, your Guy's daughter?

Yeah, but my name's Gretchen.

[both thudding]
[Carla sighs]

Gretchen.

My name's Gretchen.

I'm so glad you're here.

Guy's been praying
for you forever.

Who are you?

Carla, Pastor Skip's daughter,

and Guy's...

I don't know.

Cool.

I didn't realize he
had an "I don't know".

[laser g*n whirs]

[Guy] Come on, you guys!

We've got trouble.

Back, to back, to back.

[Guy grunts]
♪ You think you know me ♪

♪ You don't ♪

♪ My soul ain't got no window ♪

♪ My soul ain't got no window ♪

♪ You think, you
think, you think ♪

♪ You don't ♪

♪ My soul ain't got no window ♪

♪ You think you know me ♪

♪ You don't ♪

♪ My soul ain't got no window ♪

♪ My soul ain't got no ♪

♪ Still lookin'
to the sky, yeah ♪

♪ Still runnin' through
the night, yeah ♪

♪ Still burnin' like a fire ♪

- ♪ Still talkin' desire ♪
- Okay.

So we're in this
together, right?

[Gretchen]
Definitely, Semper Phi.

Hey, can you pop the trunk?

Nice shoe.
[car alarm chirps]

Yeah, whatever.

- [trunk clatters open]
- All right.

Operation Stop Skip is a go.

Phase One: I'll
check back with Mort.

Well, I still haven't
given up on Tino.

Oh, good.

That's Phase Two.

Play that out,
see where it goes.

Marriage?

Not that far.

Phase Three: I'll talk
to Blaise's parents.

Carla, I could use
your help with that.

Yeah, of course.

What about me?

What's my phase?

Phase Four: call your mom.

I'm not ready for that.

I'm really mad at her.

I know, that's why
there's a Phase Four.

- [trunk slams shut]
- Hey.

Guy Sides, I pray he
finds his repentance,

and finds forgiveness.

Why are we meeting
in the Prayer Room?

We both have really
cool offices.

I know, I Just
thought I'd have this

difficult conversation
in an attitude of prayer.

Right.

- Good call.
- Yeah.

You know Guy has a daughter?

I know.

I've been praying
for her for years.

Well, she just showed up.

- Mabel, here?
- Yeah.

No way!

That's awesome.

But he's isn't
married, you know?

I had my suspicions.

Well, you and I, you know,

we gotta lot of
grace for people.

Just not so sure everybody's
gonna be as understanding.

And it's probably going to be
upsetting to certain people.

Thanks, Tino.

Let's keep this between us,

but you've been a big help.

[Tino] Thank you.

I know.

Shh, shh.

[Pastor Skip] Thank you.

[uptempo pop music]

[door clatters shut]

[uptempo pop music continues]

I think it is so cool that
you're talking to my parents.

[Carla] Blaise, that's great.

I was nervous you'd be upset.

Nah, the Cameron
family doesn't get upset.

That may change today

once I tell 'em what's going on.

They're gonna be
really upset, Blaise.

Wow.

My parents upset.

Awesome.

Wait, I live here.

[door clatters open]

[footsteps pattering]

[Mrs. Cameron] Try this.

It stimulates brain waves.
[tray clanks]

Thank you.

I already feel it working.

Anyway, those
are just 10 reasons

why Blaise shouldn't
be crucified.

You make a compelling
case, I must say.

And I wanna affirm you in that,

the same way we affirm Blaise

in whatever makes him happy.

I just wish there was
something we could do.

[dramatic orchestral music]

You're his parents?

That's right.

So you could tell him no.

[both laughing]

Obviously, you
don't have children.

Not yet.

No.

We foster a "yes"
environment here,

a positive posture
toward the universe.

I'm hungry.

Anybody want toast?

Sure.

Isn't he a delight?

We didn't teach him that.

Offering toast
comes from within.

Interesting.

Yeah.

Can we get back to
the conversation?

Blaise is going to be crucified.

You make it sound so negative.

Mr. and Mrs. Cameron,

crucifixion is not
a positive thing.

- It's a horrible-
- Nah, nu-uh-uh.

Not necessarily.

Doesn't your religion contend,

that Jesus paid for your
sins through crucifixion?

- Yeah, but-
- So it is positive.

- Mm-hmm.
- I've changed my mind!

I'm having grilled cheese.

You always make
great choices, sweetie.

[toaster clatters]

So wait, let me make sure
I'm hearing this correctly.

You're gonna allow
him to do this?

Well, you're still
not getting it, dear.

We don't allow him
to do anything.

We don't own him.

But you're
responsible for him.

You could parent him.

Well, that's a
very novel concept,

but that's just not
how we see ourselves.

We're just all here together,

you know, like
good, older friends.

Right, Blaise?

Right, Alice.

[toaster sizzling]
[Kn*fe clattering]

[plug thuds]
[toaster clangs]

It's your job to teach
Blaise how to live.

Maybe you could start by
preventing him from dying.

[Kn*fe clangs]

[footsteps departing]

[footsteps pattering]

Good talk, guys.

[toast crunching]

Coffee.

Now, that stimulates
my brainwaves.

Carla, focus!

How are you not
freaking out right now?

I know, I know.

I'm just impressed.

[Guy] Impressed with what?

With you.

[Guy] What are
you talking about?

Blaise's parents didn't
hear a word I said.

[laughs] I know.

They were not there, but I was.

I heard you and I am impressed.

Well, I am lost.

I don't know what to do next.

Robert, is my dad here?

Is he napping?

We are very blessed
here at Sand Hills.

No, no.

I think I look all right?

That's what I would have done.

Carla!

My daughter, Carla.

Carla, my precious
angel, how are you?

Carla just got home from
serving the Lord overseas,

and she is never leaving again.

[both laughing]

- Can we talk for just-
- Sure, they can walk with us.

- Oh.
- No, no, no.

Come on, walk with us.

This reporter's
from MSMBSCN-SPAN.

[Carla] Oh, we can talk later.

No, don't be silly.

Look, I know what
this is all about.

You found out about
Guy's illegitimate child

and you are devastated.

Correction, no,
she's wonderful,

and Guy's really stepping up.

- He's been-
- Honey, that's why

I've been giving you
the hard sell on Tino.

Just lookin' out for my peanut.

Dad, listen, you have to
cancel this Good Friday stunt.

You're making the cross of
Jesus into a freak show.

Honey, if following
Jesus makes me a freak,

then I'm about to
get super freaky.

How very '80s of you.

Look, the way I see it,

we can talk about the crucifixion
for a few thousand people,

or we can show the crucifixion

for tens of millions of people.

[scoffs] Don't you want
them to understand the Gospel?

Honey, it's in there.

Trust me.

You bring 'em in with the show,

and you give 'em a little
nibble of the truth.

You have completely
lost your way.

Don't be so dramatic, honey.

That can push people away.

Ooh,
[nails clanking]

I like the rusty ones.

They look so authentic.

That's what I would've done.

[Pastor Skip] Here
at Sand Hills Church,

we've always pressed the
boundaries of our faith.

This Good Friday, we're
gonna have a crucifixion.

[cart clangs]
[Chad whistles]

[door clatters open]

[Chad gasps]
[somber instrumental music]

- Carla?
- Chad, hi.

I'm sorry, but can I
just have a second?

Sure.

I'm sorry, I'll
just be a second.

Could I have a
Dixie cup, please?

Yeah.

Just one?

- There you go, honey.
- Oh, thanks.

So your day goin' okay?

Well, not very well, actually-

- And the pipe cleaners,
if you don't mind?

Thanks.

[bag rattles]

[Carla] There you go.

Great.

Thank you so much.

It seems to me,

things are going rather
well around here, hmm?

No, actually, they're not.

I'm crying in a supply
closet [scoffs],

so things are not
going very well.

Wrapping paper?

Yeah.

- Oh.
- There it is.

- Thanks.
- Here you go.

I don't know.

I mean, you're back,

Guy's really focused
on the kids again,

and your dad is super
excited about Good Friday.

[scoffs] Yeah, he's planning
on crucifying some kid.

Blaise?

Oh, well, he's
not just some kid.

He's quite special.

I mean, he's Blaise.

I wish I could see
it the way you do.

You know, I just...

I look around everything
that's happening here

and I feel so hopeless.

And that's where our
faith comes in, right?

Have you ever heard the
word phototropism, Carla?

No?

Oh [chuckles].

Phototropism, it's when a plant

continuously keeps
reaching towards the light.

No matter what you do to it,

it'll just turn
itself right around,

and keeps on reaching
toward the light.

Phototropism.

[gentle orchestral music]

For you.

Reach for the light, Carla.

See ya.

Oh, sorry.

Okay.
[door handle clatters]

[door softly shuts]

Thanks, Chad.
[cart clanging]

[podium creaks]

[door clatters open]

There he is.

Whatever it is,
I'm not interested.

Oh, don't worry.

I'm not here to talk
you into anything.

You're not?

No, actually, I'm here
to tell you face-to-face

that I am releasing you.

Yeah, you can do your thing.

You're dropping
me as a client?

Yes.

I can't help you do
whatever this is, so.

All right, well, that's fair.

Well, thanks for
telling me in person.

- Oh.
- All right?

No problem.

No problem.

Hey, I've got more good news,

if you're willing to hear it?

Check it out.

I'm signing Blaise Cameron.

Yeah, I already got him a
two book deal and a tour.

You are what?

Would you consider
praying about

endorsing Blaise's
book by any...

Okay, I'm gone.

[upbeat pop music]

♪ Amazing grace ♪

- ♪ How sweet the sound ♪
- You can cook?

I'm impressed.

I am blindingly
talented, Gretchen.

That was the best frozen
pizza I've ever had.

My secret is following
the instructions.

[Gretchen laughs]

Aren't you a little
old to be a youth pastor?

Well, a youth pastor just
means you're a pastor of youth,

not a pastor who is young.

Well, they seem to have
a lot of fun with you.

I mean, I have a
lot of fun with you.

God, that makes me mad.

Weird, I have a
horrible time with you,

but I really enjoy it.

[Gretchen laughs]

See?

- You're doing it again.
- I apologize.

God, I never laugh
like that with mom.

Yeah, have you called her?

I'll never call her again.

Look, your mom kept you
because she loves you.

I know.

And she kept me from
you because she loves you.

I don't care why she did it.

That wasn't her
decision to make.

[sighs] Gretchen, you're mad
at me, and for good reason,

and now you're mad at your
mom, that's legit too,

but there's always gonna
be someone to be angry at.

Maybe.

The only way out of that
infinite loop is forgiveness.

Look, to be fair to your mom,

I was not a good guy.

I was a mess.

But she married a
good guy, right?

Yeah, my dad was amazing.

Well, that's an
answer to prayer to me.

[cup clanks]
[liquid sloshing]

How did you get all religious?

Well, let's go
get some yogurt,

and I will tell
you all about it.

You know, I'd love to see
your apartment sometime.

I would too.
[vacuum whirs]

[uptempo pop music]

♪ Goodbye sorrow ♪

♪ Time to let go ♪

♪ Filled with anger ♪

♪ Be a stranger ♪

♪ It's time ♪

♪ God knows it's time ♪

♪ We said goodbye ♪

Thank you for the
closer spot, Dad.

[Carla sighs loudly]

[zipper unzipping]
[keys jangling]

♪ Hey, am I am the man ♪

♪ Of course I am ♪

♪ Are you a woman ♪

♪ Of course you ♪

♪ Am to me ♪

Tino, stop singing.

Seriously, I almost punched you.

Okay, well, just
please don't do that,

- 'cause I'm a bleeder.
- What do you want?

It's something
really important.

I just need to get
it off my chest,

[clears throat]
and here it goes.

♪ God wanted me ♪

♪ To marry you and
you could be my wife ♪

You're singing again,

and I just [mumbles].

I'm not done.

♪ What God has put together ♪

♪ Let no man put asunder ♪

♪ But if you don't
tell me you love me ♪

♪ I will start to wonder ♪

I have an answer for you,

- and-
- Great.

Well, you know what?

Actually, I have the
date, I have the venue,

- and the flowers.
- You shouldn't have.

You're gonna love the flowers.

You shouldn't have.

Well, but I wanted to.

And you know what?

[Tino laughs]

Wait!

No.

[Tino sings high-pitched notes]

[ring box creaks shut]

I have to say no.

- ♪ But I love you ♪
- No.

- No.
- Well-

- Thank you.

- I'm honored, but no.
- Okay, wait.

Is there somebody else?

Because if it's...

It's Guy Sides, isn't it?

It is, isn't it?

This has nothing
to do with Guy.

He has a daughter.

Are you ready to be a mother?

I'm pretty sure
she's out of diapers.

[Tino sighs]

I'll get over it.

It's fine.

My heart is broken,

but I'll get over it.

At least we could be friends.

How 'bout that?

Of course.

Okay, so we're friends?

- Friends.
- Well, you know what?

Then I am gonna do
something for you.

No.

[Tino] Yeah, I'm
gonna call Blaise up,

and I'm basically gonna
convince him to not,

you know, do the crucifixion.

I'm just gonna talk him

- out of it.
- Tino, don't-

- To back out, yeah.

Wait, you would do that?

Yeah.

We're friends, aren't we?

Thank you.

That would mean a lot.

No problem.

I mean, you know, friends.

Friends.

- Not that hard, sorry.
- Oh.

Now, you know that there's
gonna be a lot of people?

Yeah?

Yeah, it's gonna be like the

biggest attendance this
church has ever seen.

- Wow!
- Yeah.

Cool.

[guitar strums]
♪ Not cool ♪

Because you know why?

There's gonna be so
many people there,

it's gonna be a lot
on pressure on you.

[feet shuffling and thudding]

Millions of people
hearing the good news?

Yeah.

- Sort of.
- I'm so pumped!

Thanks, Tino.

Oh.

[Tino sighs]

[uptempo pop music]

[bag crinkling]

[uptempo pop music continues]

[Pastor Skip] Thanks
for helpin' us out, Mort.

[uptempo pop music continues]

You're the best in the business.

- Well, come on.
- Mort?

- Hey!
- What are you doing?

Well, buddy, we've got
some great news for you.

We've upped your
liability coverage!

Yeah, now you're good for
crucifixions, crowns of thorns,

flogging, and preschool.

- What?
- Yeah.

It's basically the same policy
we provide to Battlesack.

And now we have it
thanks to you, Guy.

[Pastor Skip chuckles]

Hey, listen, if
you guys need me,

call me, okay?

Enjoy those mints [laughs].

All right, we'll
call, you know.

Hey, step into my
office for a minute.

- Let's have a chat.
- Yeah.

I had to talk to Mort, you know.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

This isn't about that.

I have a great
opportunity for ya.

I just need you to sign this.

[paper rustling]

This is a resignation
letter from me.

And it breaks my heart,

but I don't want Sand
Hills to keep you

from the things that
are important to you,

and this is a chance for
you to do those things.

What things?

Well, you would
know better than me,

but you can do those things,

just as soon as you sign this.

But I didn't write this.

Yeah, I got it from a
template off of Google.

The board isn't
gonna like this either.

It was their idea, Guy.

They think it's pretty important

for the whole staff to
be on the same page.

Your page.

[sighs loudly] Look,
you should resign quietly

before the scandal blows up.

Crucifying, Blaise?

No, I'm talking about-

- Gretchen?

She's not a scandal!
[paper rustling]

She's my daughter!

Don't be mad at me, buddy.

I'm trying to help you.

You know how I feel.

I've been praying with
you about her for years.

But the board's thinking
bigger picture on this.

Think about it, Guy.

A youth past of a
culture-shaping church

has a child out of wedlock.

Not everyone's gonna
be so grace-orient.

So they're okay

with a kid from the youth
group being crucified,

but this is a scandal?

Give me that pen.

[paper rustling]
[somber instrumental music]

Oh, finally got a
use for your book.

[pen scratching]

[paper rustling]

Hey, Skip, how did the board
find out about Gretchen anyway?

[somber instrumental
music continues]

That's what I thought.

[somber instrumental
music continues]

♪ And our friendship
is not one but two ♪

♪ 'Cause our love
is totally awesome ♪

Perfect!

Well, you finally
outgrew your toys?

Yeah, and Sand Hills.

[Carla] What?

I just quit.

What?

Well, I was fired.

I was given the
opportunity to resign.

Whatever, I'm done here.

[scoffs] So you're
just giving up?

You can't do that.

What about youth group?

What about Blaise?

You saw what happened when
we talked to his parents.

And Mort, the insurance guy,

he's making a
fortune by expanding

the church's insurance policy,

so that backfired.

Tino was no help, no offense.

But you can't just walk away.

I'm tapped out, Carla.

I don't wanna be here
when this ship sinks.

There has to be
something that can be done

to keep you here.

I'm finally following
your dad's advice.

I'm taking a nap.

Why can't you
be more like Tino?

Tino?

He keeps trying, even
when there's no hope.

No hope!

[Carla softly scoffs]

[mellow pop music]

[cellphone rings]

[Guy] You can't
avoid her forever.

Let's talk about you.

What are you going to do?

I have no idea,

but I can't watch Blaise,

[Gretchen laughs]
you know.

- What's his deal?
- Blaise?

He's a new Christian.

He's got a lot of passion.

Doesn't have a lot of knowledge.

Wish he'd listen to you.

I mean, you have
passion and knowledge.

Think so?

Thanks, Gretchen.

[Gretchen laughs]

I'm serious, Dad.

You just call me dad?

Yeah.

Cool.

Man, I wish there was
a way we could help him.

Well, I've talked to

every rational person
who would listen.

What did Blaise say
when you talked to him?

I didn't talk to Blaise.

Well, just say it to him
in a way that he'll hear you.

That's it.

I gotta go.

[swing chains rattling]

I'm glad you're around.

Tough times are a lot
easier with family.

[mellow pop music continues]

♪ Goodbye sorrow ♪

♪ Time to let go ♪

Hey, Mom.

Naturally, we'll spend the
rest of the morning in prayer

in preparation for tonight's
Good Friday service,

which surely, will be
an historical event.

This is all new construction.

Will Blaise fill pain?

Sure.

Excruciating.

Will he be okay?

We think he might.

[footsteps pattering]

Come along.

Watch your step.

[Guy] And Blaise!

What are you-

- Come here.

I wanna show you something.

[box shuffles and thuds]

[intense dramatic music]

[hammer thuds]
[skin squelching]

That's you.

I'll never lust after
a mannequin again.

Crucifixion is
no joke, Blaise.

It's a slow, cruel death.

God doesn't want you to
make a mockery of his Son.

But Jesus d*ed on the cross.

In our place,

so we don't have to.

That's the whole point.

His death, his burial,
his resurrection, period.

Pastor Skip, mom and dad,

the youth group, the
whole world is watching.

I don't know how to fix this.

I'm not gonna let 'em
do this to you, okay?

Are you with me?

It's gonna be all right.

[metal clangs]

Hot sauce.

Oh, that's why it burns.

♪ Whoa ♪

[upbeat hip-hop music]
[footsteps pattering]

[Guy] Everybody out!

We're going to the service!

No, we absolutely are not.

We're gonna feed those
homeless dudes again.

What is that?

It's a bloody mannequin hand.

Everybody out!

We're gonna miss it!

You've completely
cracked, haven't you?

Trust me, you do
not wanna miss this.

These students
don't wanna see that.

[Students] Yeah, we do.

Cool!

Let's roll!

Come on out!

All right, Sheila!

Yeah!

Eden, Jim, Kate, Brandon, yes!

- Awesome.
- All right, Jeremy!

You better not let me down.

I hope you have a lifetime
of disappointments with me,

but not today.

[footsteps departing]

♪ Oh ♪

Come on, Carla.

High five.
♪ Man ♪

[upbeat hip-hop music continues]

- On this Good Friday-
- Megan.

You go, girl.

Dr. Grossman, been
praying for you, brother,

about that toe fungus.

Good to see ya.

- Now, you got your Bible?
- I do.

[Chad] I know it's
on your smartphone.

Get in there.

[uptempo suspenseful music]
[indistinct chattering]

Hey, man, hey,

don't ever touch me, man.

Ever.

[uptempo suspenseful
music continues]

Jonathan Breel.

[Jonathan mumbles indistinctly]

How can I be of service?

Oh, I'm all good, man.

I'm in the middle of
some business right now,

so you can, you know.

Me too.

You must be looking for Blaise?

Yeah, as a matter
of fact, I am.

Right this way.

Right behind you.

[door creaks open]

[upbeat instrumental music]

[door clatters open]

Right this way.

[upbeat instrumental
music continues]

Good luck, my friend.

You're gonna need it.

Is he gonna meet me out here?

I gotta be somewhere

in like 15...
[door slams shut]

Hello?

Hey!

Hey!

Hey!

[knocking at door]

There's no handle
to let me back in.

Hey!
[knocking at door continues]

[indistinct chattering]
[intense dramatic music]

[thunder rumbling]

[intense dramatic
music continues]

On behalf of Sand Hills
Neighborhood Church,

I wanna welcome
you to Good Friday.

[audience cheers and applauds]

However, I must warn you,

what you are about to
experience might be disturbing.

If the sight of blood
makes you queasy,

we ask that you move to the
fainting rooms in the back.

What you are about
to see is not a play.

This is real, people!

[indistinct whispering]

Our goal is that one of our own

feel what Christ felt that day.

Blaise Cameron.

[audience cheers and applauds]

And Guy Sides is here,
too, for some reason.

[audience continues applauding]

Because you're not
gonna crucify Blaise.

[audience boos]

I am taking his place.

[audience cheers and applauds]

Yeah, even better.

Substitutionary atonement.

He's taking his place,
just like our Savior.

Blaise, what's happening?

I gotta go or I'll be late.

[Carla] Late for what?

It's gonna be okay.
[Carla scoffs]

I think.

[thunder rumbles]

[cloth rustling]

What are you doing?

[Dr. Knott] I am
disinfecting your hand.

So you can hammer a
rusty spike through it?

- For the insurance policy.
- Oh.

[nails jingling]

[Gretchen] Mom?

[Carla] Hi.

Mom, I'm Carla.

Hi.

Come on over here, Guy.

Wow, he looks old.

[Gretchen chuckles]

What's he doing?

He's a pastor here.

He's a pastor?

What kind of church is this?

[Gretchen sighs]

I have to tell ya,

I love this man.

We have been together for years.

We've had our ups
and downs, sure.

But it is an honor having
you on our staff, right?

Yeah.

[Pastor Skip] And I move,

that the board loves
having him on staff.

Can I get a-

- [Board Member] I
second the motion.

All in favor?

[Board Members] Aye.

Opposed?

Awesome!

Let's crucify him!

[audience cheers and applauds]

Does crucifixion means
something different here?

I hope so.

The last words Jesus
spoke on the cross were,

"It is finished".

And by "finished",
he meant done,

over, accomplished, completed.

And yet, we're still going
to have a crucifixion today.

All right.

[audience cheers and applauds]

You know, Skip, we
do go back a long way.

When you started this,

you were just looking
for creative ways

to tell people about Jesus,

and this thing blew up.

And then our Youth
Program blew up,

and people around the country
started asking me what I did.

So I went around the country

praying to this.

[celestial ethereal music]

But this wasn't enough
for some people.

Couldn't be that simple.

And I wanted to
hold their interest.

I tried to hold their interest.

And then one day, I woke
up the "Beach Ball Guy".

You don't become the
"Beach Ball Guy" overnight.

You become the "Beach
Ball Guy" slowly.

I love those cheers
more than I realized.

There's a lot of things
I could have stopped.

You know, Skip, you were right.

I've been part of everything
that's gone on here,

but I blamed you alone,

and for that, I'm sorry.

Well, I promised
you a crucifixion.

Thanks, I got it.

[poster rustling]

[Guy exhales loudly]

Look at this moron.

This guy is just way too busy

to be stuck with a youth group.

[poster rustling]

Not anymore.

[poster continues rustling]

[hammer tapping]

[celestial ethereal music]

[Pastor Skip] Carla?

[footsteps pattering]

[necklace rattles]

This was a gift from
my fiance, former fiance.

It reminds me of Moldova,

the beauty, the
heartbreak, the people.

I grew up there, really.

That's why I'm
planning on going back.

I was planning on going back.

It was my escape plan,

but maybe it's time
to stop escaping.

[celestial ethereal
music continues]

You should have told
me what you were up to.

[celestial ethereal
music continues]

[Gretchen sighs]

I've been angry at
a dad I never met,

and then I met him,

and he's actually pretty cool.

[Gretchen sniffs]

So I decided I should
be mad at my mom,

but I know she loves me,

and she did the best she
could in a tough situation.

And honestly, I'm
tired of being angry.

I want out of this
infinite loop.

[celestial ethereal music]

[hammer thuds]
[nail clangs]

[celestial ethereal
music continues]

I've been watching the
Vikings during your sermons

on this thing since 1992.

Sorry, Pastor Skip.

- [audience laughs]
- Yeah.

[footsteps pattering]
[indistinct chattering]

[portable TV clatters]

[nail clangs]

[hammer thuds]
["In Awe" by Hollyn plays]

♪ Can't speak, so close
I can feel you breathe ♪

♪ You're so holy and worthy ♪

♪ You know where I've been ♪

♪ Can't move, so close to you ♪

♪ And I'm see-through ♪

♪ No, not innocent like you ♪

♪ Oh, God, I'm sorry ♪

♪ I'm livin' in awe ♪
[hammer taps]

♪ You don't need me at all ♪

♪ But you couldn't
love me more, hmm ♪

♪ I'm livin' in awe ♪

♪ Everyday I fall ♪

♪ But you never let me go, hmm ♪

I was jealous of Guy.

I proposed to Carla,

and she, well, turned me down,

and I blamed him.

This was the ring.

The engagement ring.

[ring clanks]

["In Awe" continues playing]

Can I get that back
after the service?

Had it on layaway and I just-

- [chuckles] Yes.

Thanks.

["In Awe" continues playing]

We good?

[headset clatters]

[clothes rustling]

[audience whispers indistinctly]

["In Awe" continues playing]

This is my trademark.

My branding.

Represents my reputation.

And I'm embarrassed to say
this, but it's a gimmick.

I became obsessed with
finding novel ways

to draw people in
to hear about Jesus.

I made the church the novelty

when it should've
been about Jesus.

I've asked God to forgive,

and I'm asking you too,

because I just wanna
get back to the Gospel.

["In Awe" continues playing]

♪ Your love is overwhelming ♪

♪ Your love is overwhelming ♪
[hammer tapping]

♪ It's only you and me here ♪

♪ And your love
is overwhelming ♪

♪ Your love is overwhelming ♪

♪ I can barely breathe here ♪

♪ I'm livin' in awe ♪

♪ 'Cause you don't
need me at all ♪

♪ But you couldn't
love me more ♪

♪ You couldn't love me more ♪

♪ You couldn't love me more ♪

♪ You couldn't love me more ♪

- Love you, honey.
- Love you too.

Guy.

It was good seeing you.

It was weird seeing you.

I'm sorry I never told you.

You did the right thing.

- She's great.
- Yeah.

Can't wait to see what your
church does for Christmas.

Really.

Bye, honey.

Call me when you get home.

[Chad] Guy?

Well, get a load of that.

- Inspiring, though.
- Such an inspiring-

- I don't think I've seen him

do something like
that for years.

[indistinct chattering]

Hey, Chad.

Thank you so much for...

I don't even know,
just being here.

Well, it's my
privilege, Ms. Carla.

It's what I do.

[indistinct
chattering continues]

He's a weird dude,

but in a good way.

What's his deal?

I don't know.

Let's ask him.

Hey, Chad, what's your-

- [All] Chad?

[smoke machine whirring]

Silly smoke machine's
clogged again.

Yeah, he's a weird dude.

I'm hungry.

Me too.

- Let's grab a bite, huh?
- Let's eat!

[indistinct
chattering continues]

Hey, Tino!

I wasn't doing...

What, what?

[Guy] We're gonna go eat.

You wanna come?

Sure, if that's okay?

Yeah, it'll be great.

Come on.
[smoke machine hissing]

Sweet!

[Carla] Dad, we're going out.

You hungry?

I've never turned down a meal.

♪ I'm goin' ♪
[Tino snapping]

♪ I'm gonna go eat ♪

♪ We're gonna go eat together ♪

♪ We're gonna eat ♪

♪ We're gonna eat ♪

Nice fog!

♪ We're gonna eat ♪

♪ Let's go ♪
[smoke machine hissing]

♪ We're gonna eat ♪

♪ And Guy's gonna buy me food ♪

[mellow rock music]

- [fabric ripping]
- Oh, dear.

[beach balls thudding]

Who says Christians
aren't funny?

Christians have
always been funny,

just not on purpose.

["Battle Hymn of
the Republic" plays]

♪ Glory, glory, hallelujah ♪

♪ Glory, glory, hallelujah ♪

♪ Glory, glory, hallelujah ♪

♪ His truth is marching on ♪

♪ His truth is marching on ♪

♪ Hey ♪
["Perfect Love" plays]

♪ If you're lookin'
for perfect ♪

♪ If you're lookin' for love ♪

♪ If you want somebody perfect ♪

♪ There's only ever been one ♪

♪ I'm not that guy ♪

♪ No, I'm not that guy ♪

♪ I'll never be that guy ♪

♪ Lift up your eyes ♪

♪ I'm just forgiven ♪

♪ And I'm livin' ♪

♪ In the light of perfect love ♪

♪ I got my reasons
to believe in ♪

♪ And a God who covers
us with perfect love ♪

♪ His perfect love ♪

♪ If you've ever
been abandoned ♪

♪ If you've ever been hurt ♪

♪ There's someone
who understands it ♪

♪ And always loves
you like he should ♪

♪ I'm not that guy ♪

♪ No, I'm not that guy ♪

♪ I'll never be that guy ♪

♪ Lift up your eyes ♪

♪ I'm just forgiven
and I'm livin' ♪

♪ In the light of perfect love ♪

♪ I've got my reasons
to believe in ♪

♪ And a God who covers
us with perfect love ♪

♪ His perfect love ♪

♪ Whoo ♪

♪ Lift your eyes up ♪
♪ Come on ♪

♪ Lift your eyes up ♪
♪ Everybody ♪

♪ Lift your eyes up ♪

♪ The search is over ♪
♪ Whoo ♪

♪ Lift your eyes up ♪
♪ Come on ♪

♪ Lift your eyes up ♪
♪ Everybody ♪

♪ Lift your eyes up ♪
♪ Whoo ♪

♪ The search is over ♪

♪ If you're lookin'
for perfect ♪

♪ Lift your eyes up ♪

♪ If you're lookin' for love ♪

♪ Lift your eyes up ♪

♪ If you want somebody perfect ♪

♪ Lift your eyes up ♪

♪ There's only ever been one ♪

♪ I'm just forgiven ♪

♪ And I'm living in the
light of perfect love ♪

♪ A perfect love ♪
♪ Lift your eyes up ♪

♪ Lift your eyes up ♪
♪ His perfect love ♪

♪ Lift your eyes up ♪

♪ The search is over ♪
♪ His perfect love ♪

♪ Lift your eyes up ♪

♪ Lift your eyes up ♪

♪ Lift your eyes up ♪

♪ The search is over ♪

♪ Lift your eyes up ♪
♪ Lift your eyes up ♪

♪ Lift your eyes up ♪
♪ Lift your eyes up ♪

♪ To perfect love ♪