Decoys 2: Alien Seduction (2007)

[bunniefuu]

(MOANING)

(GASPING)

(MOANING)

Ah!

- (KNOCKING)
- What the hell?

Oh, it's hurting my eyes.

OFFICER:
Everything all right here?

Yeah, we're fine.

How about you, miss?
Everything all right?

No one, uh, forcing you to do
anything against your will?

No, Officer.

No one's forcing me to do
anything I don't want to do.

Well, all right then.

We have to ask.
You understand?

I understand.

Hey,
she's the one forcing me.

Well,
you have a nice evening now.

(EXHALES)

Stay warm.

He likes me.

You better be nice or
I'll have him book you.

On what charge?

For being a hard-ass.

(MOANS)

Aren't you gonna
do up the window?
It's cold in here.

I think it's hot.

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

Who are you?

(SCREAMS)

(SCREECHES)

PROFESSOR BUCKTON:
Evolution is the cornerstone
of modern biology.

Species can be arranged
on an evolutionary ladder

from bacteria
and lower animals,
to higher animals

and finally up to man.

But it's not
really that simple,

because nature

is full of mistakes.

Any class at
8:00 in the morning
is a huge mistake.

And what if today's mistake

is tomorrow's new
dominant species?

Just because humans
are at the top of
the ladder today

does not mean
that we can't just

be pushed aside by
a superior species.

- Yes? Question?
- Um...

If a higher species is
threatened with extinction,
are they doomed?

Or can they
survive by adapting?

If mankind was threatened by
a reduced gene pool,

less genes,
less reproductive diversity,

what adaptive
measures could we take
to ensure our survival?

Uh, ahem, uh...

We--We could mate a lot more.

(STUDENTS LAUGHING)

(CHUCKLES)

In evolutionary terms,

quantity is no
substitute for quality.

(CHUCKLES)

(BELL RINGING)

Ladies and gentlemen,
our time is up.

We have exams next week
as all of you know,

but don't despair.

I have, uh, prevailed upon

one of my most
brilliant grad students,

Luke Callahan,
to leave the lab temporarily

and, uh, make himself
available 24/7 for
the rest of this week

to help any of you
out that needs it.

Uh...
24/7 is a figure of speech.

You call me after midnight
and you're gonna need

some serious adaptive
survival strategies.

- (STUDENTS LAUGHING)
- I have never seen him before.

He's way too gorgeous
to be a grad student.

And he's too old
for you, Steph.

Old isn't
necessarily a bad thing.

Thanks.

(EXHALES)

(SCREAMS)

(EXHALES)

So why didn't
you talk to him?

Because I didn't
come to college
to flirt with cute TAs.

I came to prepare myself
for life's challenges.

Well, isn't that
life's biggest challenge?

I mean, you finding
your ideal mate?

That one person that
you're destined for?

You're the one
who needs a cute TA.
Female, of course.

Yeah, I know.
There's no such thing.

- But I wouldn't mind a lonely,
well-endowed faculty wife...
- No. Never work.

- You're not an older woman
kind of guy, Sam.
- And how would you know?

You need someone
our age, and...

Sexy.

I was gonna say smart.

- And...
- Uninhibited.

No! Thoughtful. Sensitive.

NICK: Boom!

Ha-ha!
She wants to jump
your bones, Sam.

- What're you waiting for?
- You don't get it.

Steph and I are
just friends, okay?

No such thing.
A guy and a girl can
never just be friends.

Sure they can.
Steph and I have been best buds
since middle school.

It is theoretically possible
to hang out with a chick
and not want to bang her.

There is nothing
more important than sex.

That's the whole
point of college!

- Getting laid?
- Think about it.

College is
the only time in our lives

when we will have
such a large pool
of available babes.

Out in the real world
our choices will be limited,

but here
the odds are in our favor.

The odds?

You guys make it sound like it's
some sort of competition.

That's not a bad idea.

Just grow up, Nick.

Sam, think about it.

What do you guys think?

DR. GEISNER: Now that your
visions have come back,

how does that make you feel,
Luke?

Terrified.
I'm really scared.

I...
I thought this was over.

I thought I'd put
it all behind me.

That's common
after severe trauma.

Can you tell me about them?
Your visions?

Yeah, they're, uh,
beautiful alien females
from another planet

with no bellybuttons.

Go on.

They're trying to reproduce.

LUKE: They implant
alien life forms,

spores maybe,

inside human males
to incubate them.

Their gene pool is shrinking,
and they need new mates,
h*m* sapiens,

but during
the reproductive act,

their body temperatures
drop below freezing

and their
partners freeze to death.

And, uh, these visions, you...

You still believe
they could be true?

Look,
these women were a cult.

They were real sickos,
k*lling the guys
they had sex with.

Were they aliens also?

No. Of course not. No.

What about the blonde you saw
today? Or thought you saw?

(STAMMERING) Constance,
Connie. She, uh... Yeah,
she was one of them.

From the murders at
St. John's College.

She was blonde
and very pretty.

LUKE: I remember I was
with my friend Alex
just before the holidays.

Oh, God...

- And...
- Not you, too.

...she turned
into one of them.

And then
what happened?

And then I woke up
in the hospital.

And they
brought in the shrink.

Why? Why is this
happening to me?

Why can't I just
get on with my life?

I'm afraid your visions are
part of a much
deeper malaise, Luke.

Look.

I'm gonna give you something
to help you relax.

Okay?

Now...

These will help
stop the visions.

Thank you,

Dr. Geisner.

- A competition?
You're kidding.
- (ALTERNATIVE MUSIC PLAYING)

No! No kidding.

This is real.

We have very strict criteria.

Check this out.

There's
a handicapping system.

Every girl on
campus gets a ranking.

Mega bonus points if you score
with a dime, a perfect 10.

Look, I hate to
tell you guys this, but, uh,

women might just
find this offensive.

I mean, being
categorized and handicapped.

They won't know if
we don't tell 'em.

If you guys think that
I'm gonna participate
in this juvenile...

Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Wait! You... You got to.

There's only two exceptions.

One, is if you're gay...

It's way too easy to
score if you're gay.

Or have a steady girlfriend.

Then you got no choice,
hombre.

HENRY: This is exam week
when everyone goes home.

But most people
are sticking around
for the party first.

PETER:
The mother of all parties.

NICK:
More hotties in one place

than anyone has ever seen.

Last chance to
rack up points.

SAM: And may the best man win.

(SIREN WAILING)

Is there a problem, Officer?

(CLEARS THROAT)

This is
a 25-mile-an-hour zone.

You were going over 40.

Oh, my...

(SEDUCTIVELY)
That is fast, isn't it?

I'm, uh...
I'm afraid I'm gonna have to,
uh, write you up a citation.

Oh, Officer. Do you have to?

(STAMMERING)
Can I have
your license, please?

(SHUDDERS)

This'll just take a moment.

(MAN CHATTERING
ON POLICE RADIO)

(EXHALES)

Miss, you can't do that.
Civilians are not allowed in.

Officer, I'm a new
transfer at the college

and I just can't
afford a ticket right now.

You can go to traffic school.

The truth is
I just don't want
it on my record.

There must be

some other

way we can settle this?

(STAMMERING)
I'm... I'm afraid
that I'm...

(ENGINE SPUTTERING)

PETER: You're gonna run
down the battery.

(SPUTTERING CONTINUES)

My baby's never
let me down before.

Yeah, well, Nick,
do I really need to stress

how important it is
we get your baby going here?

I mean, this party we're
going to has a higher
ratio of girls to guys

than any other place in town.
This is like...

- (ENGINE STARTS)
- (SKA MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO)

(NICK AND HENRY WHOOPING)

Hank? You okay?

(SIREN WAILING)

(ARM CREAKING)

What the...
He's frozen stiff.

(MUSIC ON CAR STEREO
CONTINUES)

What the hell happened here?

Holy mackinaw!

Oh, boys, 9 o'clock.

You see the way
she smiled at me?

No, she was, uh,
smiling at me.

Children, children, please.
She was obviously
checking me, so...

- NICK: Dream on, Henry.
- She was.

Right.

Phone numbers are
a waste of time.

If she won't get
with you tonight,
cut your losses and move on.

Ah!

(ON TOP OF THE WORLD PLAYING)

* When I look down
and I see

Game on, boys.

* Your sweet, smiling face

* Nothing matters much to me

* Except this other place

* I worked my way,
I struggled hard

* I fought to reach the top

* Now it's here
and it's all mine.

* And I never want to stop

What are you doing?

Collecting data for
my sociology class.

How long it takes
after a girl walks in here

before a guy
buys her a drink.

Can I get you a drink?

That took me 17 seconds.

That's sweet.

But you don't really
want to buy me a drink.

You want to have sex.

Well,
I'd probably say yes, but...

I don't think my
girlfriend would approve.

* When I look down
and I see

* Your sweet, smiling face

* Nothing matters much to me

* Except this time and place

* I worked my way,
I struggled hard

* I fought to reach the top

* Now it's here
and it's all mine

* And I never want to stop

* Look at me, here I stand

* On top of the world

* Standing strong,
standing proud *

You know the problem
with places like this?

- There's a problem?
- Well, it-- it's a meat market.

I mean,
everyone's a commodity.
And it's all about scoring.

There's no room left
for just being a person.

- You really think so?
- Yes.

Then, uh, why are you
staring at my nipples?

Guys are all the same.

Talk about feelings
and all you want
to do is cop a feel.

- That's not true.
I'm not like that.
- Uh-huh.

Take a good look 'cause
it's the closest
you're ever gonna get.

- Constance!
- (SCREAMS)

That's not my name.

I'm sorry.

(STAMMERING) I... You
looked just like someone

I used to know and...
I thought...

You're my Biology TA, right?

Luke Callahan?

I'm Stephanie Baxter.

- I'm really sorry.
- Yeah.

- Did I scare you?
- No, no.

Well, yeah, maybe a little.

I was just heading
back to the dorm.

Would you walk me there?

Well, yeah.
Yeah. Of course, yeah.

- Sure.
- Okay.

So, this woman
I reminded you of,

Constance,
is she a good friend?

She was a friend
of my old roommate.

He liked her a lot, but...

But what?

She did things to him.

STEPHANIE: What do you mean?

Well?

Mine got overly excited.

(SCREAMING)

Then his vital
functions ceased.

(SIGHS)

Mine was a police officer.

And I thought he
was in decent shape.

I'm... I'm afraid that I'm...

But he didn't survive
the temperature drop.

(SIGHS)

What about the bodies?

Did you dispose of them?

We can't have
any distractions
from the police.

We gotta hide those bodies.

Look, Luke Callahan is
the only one that survived.

- I'm watching him.
- What is different about him?

Yeah, he seems
really sensitive.

Well, that's why he survived,

'cause their body temperatures
need to drop slowly.

And sensitive guys...

He was in love.

So there's more romance,
more foreplay.

BOTH: Oh!

There's a cold snap coming.

Make sure you do it outside.

And draw it out.

We have to keep them alive
as long as possible.

How do we do that?

These human males
seem so eager.

Just use your imagination.

- Hmm.
- Hmm.

(HUMMING MARCH)

Keep it down, would you?

Oh, I couldn't keep it down.

You should've seen her,
she was amazing.

And she had a friend.
You getting all this, Henry?

I'm gonna need date,
time, place,
some form of corroboration.

Corroboration?

- Every score needs
to be documented.
- Hey...

You need hard evidence
or a photo,
or an eyewitness account...

That's a lot of crap.

No, Nick. It isn't.

And I've come up
with the perfect way
to document scores.

Cell phone.
Most sh**t video.

Put my PC on
speed dial, and voila!

Instant evidence.

Hi, Mom!

You want to be my hat
trick tonight, Peter?

Oh yeah, sure. Get out!

- Go to bed!
- You're gonna spill
Henry's beer.

(SNORING)

(DISTANT SIREN WAILING)

Are those good?

Can I try one?

(STAMMERING)

Yeah, I...

(CHUCKLES)

Mmm.

Oh, wow.

Uh...

(HENRY MOANING)

Not too fast now.
Nice and slow.

That's how I like it.

It's really cold...

Not your breasts,
just outside.

Let's do it here,
in the snow.

It's a record...

- (FLY UNZIPPING)
- ...low tonight.

(GRUNTS)

Let's make some heat.

- (SHIVERING)
- Oh, God,
this is just like my fantasy.

Only colder.

(MOANS)

There's something I really,
really need to tell you.

I'm a...

Not now.

(MOANS LOUDLY)

I-- I'm a virgin!

Sorry. I gotta go.

Hey!

(PANTING)

Idiot. Idiot.

Ah...

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Come in.

Excuse me.
Are you Professor Buckton?

Yes, I am.

What can I do for you?

I'm Dr. Constance Snowdon.

I've been assigned
to Student Health
Services this term.

You supervise a grad student
named Luke Callahan, right?

Yes. He's one of
the best students
I've had in a long time.

Does he ever
behave unusually?

Well, he's very dedicated,
which is, uh,
unusual these days,

even for a grad student.

He's very interested
in anatomy,

particularly unorthodox
evolutionary variations.

Well,
I came here to tell you that

Luke Callahan experienced

a psychotic episode
a few years ago.

Really?

It's probably nothing
for you to be
concerned about,

but I'd appreciate
you letting me know

if ever he
behaves abnormally.

"Abnormally?"

Well, how exactly
would you define that,
Dr. Snowdon?

Paranoid delusions.

Usually having to do
with aliens from outer space,

that sort of thing.

Luke has always seemed, uh,
very well-balanced to me.

He's intense,
but he's very sensible.

He's very good
at compensating
for his problems.

I'd appreciate if you

kept this conversation
just between you and I.

All right.

Thank you.

Have a good day.

Hey! What's this I hear
about a secret contest?

(SKA MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO)

(STAMMERING)
Uh, contest?
Like what contest?

Oh.

Oh, I guess it's
probably just a rumor. Yeah.

(CHUCKLES)

Oh! Hey! What's that?

(CHUCKLING)

Look! Sweet!

This is like
handicapping horses
on the racing form, right?

No. Horse race is
like two minutes,

this is like
a five-day type of thing.

You have got to let me play.
Please.

I'll buy you all
a case of brewskis.

I'll buy you all Mexican.

Come on!
I mean, Sam, tell 'em.

Tell them my word is gold.

Forget it, Steiner.

Sam. We went to
middle school together.

Okay. If Arnold says
he's buying brewskis

or if he's buying Mexican,
he's good for it.

All right, how about
brewskis and Mexican? Hmm?

Done.

Times three.

All right. Times three.

Phenomenal!

All right. Just don't go
sh**ting your
mouth off about this.

If the girls find out,
we're toast.

I won't tell a soul.

You got Arnie's
word on that, bro.

Evan, you're next.
Let him through.

Boys, what's up?

This is just to cover
overhead
administrative costs.

See, none of these
chicks do it for me, man.

- I like mine with, you know,
black leather...
- God...

- Chains, studs, dog collars...
- Yeah, good luck finding her.

Don't need to.
She's gonna find me.

See,
I was doing some Googling.

Turns out females are
attracted by smells.

They're drawn to males
with strong olfactory
pheromone attractors.

Olfactory phero what?

Check this out.
Bought it off the Internet.

Synthetic bull musk,
95% pure.

Thank you, North Korea.

(SPRAYING)

Oh, that's it. Right there.

Stop.

All right. Watch this.

I, uh, see you're
reading Shakespeare.

I love Shakespeare.

He, uh, understands the heart.

So which play
are you reading?

Titus Andronicus.

Oh, yeah.
Titus Androna touch me.

What's that about again?

A Roman general whose
daughter has two guys
in love with her.

Ah...

So you're a romantic, too?

Which one does she chose?

Neither.

They r*pe her
and t*rture her,

but Daddy finds out
and whacks them,

and chops them
into little pieces

and cooks them into a pie
and serves them to
their mother for dinner.

Dinner? I bet you
want to grab a burger?

I'm a non-lactose vegan.

I'd rather die than do it
with a meat-eater.

And you stink.
Must be the burgers.

- (LAUGHS)
- You like that, huh?

You want some more of that?
How about this?

Excuse me.

Do you know
anything about cars?

Cars?

Y-Yeah...

Mine won't start.
I think I flooded it.

Oh...

So will you come

and check it out for me?

Please?

Yeah. Yes. Yeah.

Mmm.

Oh, wait!
Can you wait one second?

Just one second.
I gotta grab
something real quick.

Just one second.
I'll just be one second.

Yes, Stein'll be back,
baby, yeah...

Hey! Uh,
give me your cell phone.
I left mine at the dorm.

But she's not your type.
I mean, she's got no black
leather, she's got no studs...

Dude, I think
she'll be just fine.

Uh, can you give me
your cell phone?

I could swear
I've seen her before.

ARNOLD: Oh, yeah?

Ooh!

(SPRAYING)

Hey, baby, Steiner's back.

Let's do this. Yeah...
Ugh!

Ow! Jesus.

(LAUGHS)

ARNOLD:
Steiner's not hurt, baby.

No, no, that didn't hurt.

Looks like Arnold got lucky.

Uh, yeah,
it--it looks like it.

Why'd you give him
your cell phone?

He, uh... He needed to
call his parents back. So...

Yeah, you are
a really bad liar.

What are you guys up to?

Look, I gotta get
back to my dorm room,

'cause I got
a k*ller exam tomorrow...

So I'll talk
to you later.

This is so sweet of you.

I'm Jasmine,
by the way.

Steiner. Arnold Steiner.

You, uh, live
around here?

Well, I just
moved here.

Actually, I just
transferred from my
junior college.

Oh, yeah?

You, uh... You have a major?

Of course, I do.
Party till you drop.

(LAUGHS)

My car's just over there,
through the park.

We'll just have to
cut through there.

Sure. I-- I'll follow you.

Actually, I lied.
I don't even have a car.

I just like the way you look.

(LAUGHS)

You like the way I look?

(SHIVERING)

(MOANING)

Not so fast now.

Slow and easy.

- Slow and easy?
- Uh-huh.

Now, take off your jacket.

Huh?

I want to see
what you look like.

What are you doing?

Just turning my
cell phone off.

Don't want us to be
interrupted. Yeah.

All right.
(CLEARS THROAT)

Now, uh, where were we?

(MOANS)

Open. Come on.
Come on. Come on.

Someone needs
a little discipline.

Time to punish you.

How did you do that?

What?

Don't you like what you see?

I like it. I like it...

Aren't--Aren't you c-cold?

A little.

But it excites me.

Oh...

(ARNOLD SHIVERING)

Whoa!

It's k-k-kind of cold.

Yeah, well, you've
been a bad boy, Arnold.

And you're just gonna
have to stay out here
in the cold and freeze.

(GROANS)

SAM: No. No...

(CHOKES)

(CRACKLING)

Arnold.

(STATIC CRACKLING)

Hang on, buddy. I'm coming.

(HEART BEATING)

- Oh, good. You're still alive.
- SAM: Arnold!

Arnie, where are you, buddy?
Arnold!

(GASPING)

Sam, I can't
breathe so good.

You're gonna be okay.
All right?

No...

Not okay...

I'm gonna get
you to a doctor.
Can you walk?

I don't think so.

Head feels funny.

Where's my cell phone?

I've been a bad boy, Sam.

Okay, forget the cell phone.

I've been a bad boy, Sam.

I'm gonna get us
some wheels, all right?

I'll be back.
I promise. I promise you.

OPERATOR:
911. What is your emergency?

Yes,
this is a medical emergency.

What is your location, sir?

- In the park on campus.
- Please calm down, sir.

What is the nature
of your emergency?

Look. Something's
happened to my friend.

Is he conscious, sir?
Are you there, sir?

Thanks.

Hey!

Hey!

Look. Something's happened
to my friend. I need to
get him to a hospital.

- Where?
- Come on!

Come.

He's here. Arnold!

Arnold!

(SIRENS WAILING)

Arnold!

(PHONE RINGING)

Dialing 911 for no reason
is a serious offense.

What?
It wasn't for no reason.

Look, something
happened to Arnold.

What do you think
happened to him?

I don't know.

Well, it's pretty obvious.

He took off.

No, but he wouldn't have left
without my cell phone.

- I'm gonna let you
off with a warning.
- But...

If I see you back here,
you're gonna get charged.
Understand?

Yes, sir.

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

But it excites me.

How does a major
dweeb like Arnold

get with a total
hottie like that?

Love is a mystery, my friend.

That's not just love.

(ARNOLD GROANING)

Yeah, that's...
That's much better.

Yeah, that's full-on lust.

- It must've been the spray.
- Oh, what spray?

Looks like
Arnold's pretty cold.

Looks like
the temperature's
dropping fast.

(STATIC CRACKLING)

Now, what the hell is that?

It looks like
some kind of snake.

But that doesn't
make any sense.

That's what it looks like.

Now, the temperature drop,
could it have caused this?

I mean, maybe.

I mean, these things
aren't made to survive

subzero temperatures outside,
so...

Let's see that again.

But it excites me.

Arnold had a thing for chicks

in black leather and studs.

I mean, what's the chances

of finding your
dream squeeze?

Astronomical.

Really astronomical.

(DIALING TELEPHONE)

Hey, Arnold. It's me, Sam.

Yeah, just give me
a call when you get in.

All right, bro.

Nick's gonna win this thing
if you don't get in the game.

What are you
talking about?

Look. My money's on you.

You just gotta
get your first one
to break the ice.

Well, do you have
any suggestions?

Stephanie.

Oh.

She's got
the hots for you, man.

No, she doesn't.

Dude, open your eyes.

(STAMMERING)
We're just friends.

You're the only one
who says that.

She never does. Why is that?

Luke?

How long you been in here?

Just a few hours.

Maybe a little more.

You ought to take a break.

Stretch the limbs
a little bit.

Go get something to eat.

Maybe find
a little companionship.

You know, we, uh...

We study the origin of life,
but, uh, we also have to
live it.

Yeah.

I should really finish this.

What is this?

Oh, yeah...

A few sketches
that I was working on.

What on earth is this?

It's, uh, something
that's not from Earth.

It's the female of
an alien species.

And these are?

The sexual organs.

They're kept inside
till the beginning of
the reproductive act.

You know,
there's a tremendous
amount of detail here.

I'm curious,
what inspired you

to create
something like this?

I saw her. No, no...
I didn't create it.
I--I saw her.

Are you serious?

No.

No, of course not.

Go have some fun.

That's what guys your age
are supposed to do.

Yeah. Yeah.

I'm fine. It's really...

Wonderful musculature.

Can I take a couple of these?

Yeah. Sure.

(SCREAMS)

DELIA: Are you all right?

I'm not sure.

Where does it hurt?

I...

If it hurts,
I could rub something.

But not in here.

They hate it when you
talk in the library.

I--I know a place we
can go where we can

make as much noise
as we want.

Pretty cool, huh?

Mmm-hmm.

Now, what were you
going to rub exactly?

Where does it ache?

I wonder what
you're thinking about.

(GASPS)

How did you know?

Like my outfit?

Want me to play teacher?

Uh-huh.

You're gonna
freeze like that.

No, I'm still warm
from the workout.

Hey, you know who I
saw the other night?

Luke, the Biology TA.

The one
whose children
you want to bear?

Yeah, that's right.

But it was weird though.
He thought I
was someone else.

And then he told me
this bizarre story.

Yeah, I'm sure he
has the hots for you.

About some girls at
his undergrad college

who m*rder*d guys
after having sex with them.

Oh, that...
That's bizarre.

But the really
bizarre part was

he had a vision that
they were from another planet
where it was real cold.

So they were
allergic to heat.

And, uh, I swear to God,
I think he believed it.

- But you want to hear
something really crazy?
- Yeah.

I'm thinking of changing
the color of my hair.

Would you like
me as a blonde?

(LAUGHS)

(BEEPS)

I'm putting my
phone on vibrate.

Oh.

Oh.

(MOANS)

You're so hot. So hot!

That machine! What is that?

It's a heater so
the players don't freeze.

(DELIA GROANS)

(CRACKLING)

It's too hot!

Hey! Are you okay?

No!

Hey!

At least give me
your phone number!

(EXHALES)

Do you want me?

Oh, like I could ever say no.

(DISTANT SIREN WAILING)

(WOMAN ON P.A.)
Doctor Smith, Room 42.

Doctor Smith, Room 42.

Look.
I'll call you later. Bye.

I need to see Dr. Geisner.

Let me check and
see if she's on call.

Sorry.
She's not available tonight.

Uh-oh. Back up.

RECEPTIONIST:
She's here tomorrow.

I can give you her voice mail if
you'd care to leave a message.

LUKE: I've already
left her three.

What's he doing here?

He needs to see his doctor.

He's been having
some problems sleeping.

- LUKE: You have no idea
where she is?
- No, sir.

- Can I...
- No, he's dangerous.

Why?

'Cause he knows about us.

And nobody believes him.
And we have to
keep it that way.

Pity.

Tell her that
Luke Callahan came by.

Tell her...

Tell her
the medication isn't working.

(MOANS)

(SCREAMS)

Guys, I never
told you this before,

but I have this thing
for girls in
schoolgirl uniforms.

Isn't that illegal?

It's just a fantasy.

It's pretty common really.

Early childhood
development thing...

Anyway, like what
happened with Arnold,

this chick turned
into my fantasy.

How did she do that?

I told you, it all happened kind
of fast.

The propane heater came on
and she freaked.

It was like she
was allergic to heat.

What did you say?

(CREAKING)

(SCREAMS)

Sam?

I tried calling your cell,
but you didn't pick up.

So tell me what Luke said.
The whole thing.

This is crazy.

Do you know how
crazy this is?

Arnold disappeared into thin
air. Okay, that's crazy.

He's probably
really embarrassed.

The girl he was
with ran off on him.

Yeah, but I called
his parents.

They said
that they haven't
even heard from him.

It's just not like him.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Luke's not here. Let's go.

What are you doing?

Sam? What are you doing?

I just wanna take a look.

Okay. This really is crazy.

(DOOR OPENING)

SAM: Wow! Weird.

(SAM CHUCKLES)

STEPHANIE: He seemed like
such a sweet guy, too.

So normal.

You'd never guess he...

(SIGHS)

It's way too hot in here.

Oh, my God.

That looks like
an old-fashioned
TV sci-fi monster.

Dr. Snowdon,
I didn't hear you come in.

You looked engrossed.

I didn't want to disturb you.

No, you're not disturbing me.

I saw that your light was on
and I was wondering if you...

That looks a lot like me.

Yes.

Did you get that from...

Luke Callahan.

He told me that
he actually saw
one of these.

I think he's
under a lot of stress.

Well,
speaking of stress relief...

Is it true,
Professor Buckton,

that there's always something to
drink in these old faculty
offices?

Well... I'm sure
I could, uh, dig up some

rare old cognac to
share with a colleague.

That'd be nice.

It does look a lot like you.

Very detailed work.

It's a complete, uh,
delusion, of course,

but the skeletal
detail is very plausible.

Anatomically I find
it quite interesting.

And, Professor, do you find my
anatomy quite interesting?

NEWSCASTER ON TV:
...shelters for the homeless.
And on campus this morning,

Arnold Steiner,
a Psychology major,
was reported missing

after he failed
to meet his friends
for a midnight snack.

His shoes, shirt and
socks were all found

frozen solid in
a park near the library.

Campus police
consider it highly unlikely

that anyone
would have taken off

their clothes in
this 10-below weather

and are treating
Steiner's disappearance

as an unusual
end-of-term prank.

Apparently,
Steiner is well known
to campus police.

And now,
let's check with Diana

and find out if this deep
freeze will ever let up.

DIANA: Well, Roger,
if you're thinking of going
outside today, don't.

With today's
wind chill factor,
exposed skin can freeze...

They're back.

...and frostbite is
always a possibility.

So if you must go outside,
keep covered up...

- You missed your
last appointment.
- Did I?

I need to know why.

Because of this.

Each one of these
is a missing student,

except for these which are
unexplained deaths
by freezing.

Don't you see? They're back.

When did you stop
taking your meds?

(STAMMERING) They seem
to be congregating
around the hospital...

Luke,
you have to take your meds.

The meds are
just distracting me!

They were helping
you to think clearly.

I'm here to help you.

But I can't help
you get through this
unless you open up to me.

Unless you trust me.

Why do you want
me to take them?

To help control
the hallucinations.

I'm very concerned about you.

No, you're not.

You never have been...

You're...

Now you think
I'm one of them.

Luke...

I am not one of them.

They're only in your
imagination, they don't exist.

But I saw them.

Listen to me.

I want you to take one of these,
three times a day.

You hear me?

Three times a day.

I saw them.

- I know they're real...
- Luke.

Promise me.

WOMAN ON P.A.:
Doctor Robinson,
please report to Cardiology.

Doctor Robinson
to Cardiology.

Mr. Callahan?
I need to talk to you.

If this is about the exam,
you can come by my
office this afternoon.

It's not about the exam.
(SCOFFS)

(STAMMERING) It's about
the blonde aliens.

(PEOPLE CHATTERING)

- The Decoys?
- Yeah,
is that what they're called?

Who are you?

- What do you know about her?
- Whoa!

If this is some
kind of prank,
I swear to you...

I think they k*lled
one of my good friends!

That's good.
Oh, I'm sorry.
But that's good.

That's good! That means...

That means
they're slipping up.

That means we might
actually have
a chance this time.

I read the articles
about what happened at
St. John's, but...

But, I mean, what do these
alien females really want?

They want us.

They're real smart. You think
that you know who
they are, but you don't.

You never even suspect.

They've been here
for a long time.

They're your best friend,
you know.

Your girlfriend.

They'll trick you
into letting your guard down.

And then...

What is it?

"They're only in your head.

"They don't exist," huh?

- CONSTANCE: Guard! Help!
- Luke!

- He's crazy!
- Luke!

He's dangerous.
Keep him away!

SAM: Luke!

Luke!

(SCREAMS)

- Luke!
- No!

- It is you.
- CONSTANCE: Calm down.

I saw you burn!

Don't let him
throw that on me!

How many of you are there?

I don't know what
you're talking about.

Your species, they can't
stand the heat. Am I right?

The coffee!
Get that out of his hand!

Put the coffee down.

Get him out of here!

She's no doctor!

Are you okay, Dr. Snowdon?

I am. Thank you, Officer.

Let me go! Please!

You know what?
You're a nut job.

And you're going down to county
lockup, okay?

- Is that really necessary?
- I'm afraid so, Doctor.

I have to call
in campus police.

Look. Luke Callahan
is a patient of mine.

He suffers from
paranoid hallucinations.

What he needs right now
is rest and medication.

Now, I-- I'll gladly take
full responsibility,

unless, of course, Dr. Snowdon
would like to press charges?

No, that's quite all right,
Dr. Geisner.

Just review his
medication protocol.

Thanks.

I'm afraid
you're not leaving me
a lot of choice, Luke.

She's not a doctor.

You all think she's a doctor,
but she's not.

Take off your jacket
and roll up your sleeve.

Look, you have to believe me.
Ask him!

You know what
I'm talking about.
They took one of his friends.

Look. Please.
I don't want any
more medication.

Luke, you need
to trust me.

Now, please, your jacket.

They're smarter
this time, you know.

They're hiding the bodies.

No body, no crime, right?

You need to rest.

Rest? No. We need to stop them.

We gotta find the bodies.

Then people are gonna know.

- Whoa.
- Then...

Calm down. Come on.

Don't trust anyone, man.

It's the ones
that you trust...

(SKA MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO)

Party computer's
going on location,

so we can update
the leader board
in real time.

So, uh, Sam,
this TA of yours

really thinks alien chicks
are freezing guys
they have sex with?

That's only part of it.

That's why they're sticking him
in the funny farm.

You know,
if women are aliens,

that would
explain a lot of things.

You know,
the party doesn't start
for another 20 minutes.

It's never too early to
rack up a quick point.

Gotta protect my lead.

But you won't be in the lead
after tonight, man.

Big words, bro,
but this game
isn't about words.

It's about numbers. Adios.

Now, if you had
a bunch of frozen guys

you didn't want
anyone to find,

where would you stash them?

The orderlies tell me
you've been quite
the troublemaker.

Luke,
this is for your own good.

You have to let
me out of here.

Please.

If I do, Dr. Snowdon will press
charges for as*ault.

She isn't a doctor!

Luke, I need some
cooperation here.

You don't believe
a word that I say.

Why should I
cooperate with you? Why?

DR. GEISNER: Have it your way.

What are you doing here?

Look. I'm sorry
I didn't believe you.

I mean, there are
blonde aliens on campus.

And I need your help.

(SKA MUSIC PLAYING ON STEREO)

PETER:
Gotta play catch-up tonight.

Good luck.

Shh! Shh!

Hey. No.

Okay. I got an idea.

- Oh, no.
- Oh, yes.

LUKE: Come on!

(SIRENS WAILING)

(PANTING)

- You okay?
- Yeah.

It's all those meds
they gave me
in the Psych Ward. I'm fine.

Oh, hey! Look. If you
look them in the eyes,

they can read your mind.
They know what you're thinking.

- That's not possible.
- No. They can hypnotize you.

So never look
them in the eyes.

- Okay. I won't.
- You got it?

- Yeah.
- Okay. Good. Let's go.

* MTV
and limousine driven

* Call themselves the greatest
gift the world was ever given

* Save your soul
and reputation

* There's a flavor in your ear
you can hear it
if you listen *

Okay. For spotting them,
this is the most
important thing.

- Decoys don't
have belly buttons.
- What?

What do you mean
they don't have belly buttons?

It's the only sure way to tell
them apart from real women.

No bellybuttons.
Okay. I got it.

Hey, there.

That's the biggest screen
I've ever seen on a laptop.

Is it true what they say
about guys with big screens?

Huh? What do they say?

They say guys
with big screens

have big keyboards.

(LAUGHS)

(CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY)

Way too hot in here.

Yeah.

I could hardly breathe.
This is better.

You like the cold?

I love it.

Do you

want

to...

(BREATHES HEAVILY)

Now you're gonna
turn into my fantasy
and freeze me to death?

No! No!

Hey! You're a freak!

- So, baby, you nice
and drunk?
- Yeah, absolutely.

Good. Well, you still
better be able to perform.

My dear, I will be
the Hillary
to your Everest.

(LAUGHS)

Sounds good.

(UPBEAT POP MUSIC PLAYING)

(PEOPLE WHOOPING)

* Under the weight of an
unending summer

* Static's charging,
threatens like thunder

* The tongues
that are licking like fire

* Struck like a match
and carefully wired

* Rev it up, go

* Rev it up, go

It's always
the ones closest to you.

Check the belly button.

Hi!

Hi.

Um, I was looking for you.

Where have you been?

I, uh...

You did
something to your hair.

Yeah.

You like it?
Yeah. I like it.

But what did you do to it?

I colored it, silly.

I got tired of mouse brown.

You really like it?

Yeah, I like it.

You want to dance?

* Flashing like neon
on the newly cut tattoo

* Rev it up, go

* Rev it up, go

You know something?

I have always
wanted to dance with you,

but I thought
you didn't like me.

It is way too hot in here.
Come on.

I need to cool off.

(EXHALES)

(GRUNTS)

That's better.

It was way too stuffy
in there.

Don't you think?

Would you dance with me?

Is she gone?

Who?

What are you talking about?
Come here.

Samster just
left with Stephanie.

I think he's about to score.

Yeah. All right.

- PETER: (CHUCKLES)
- There goes Nick.

(BOTH CHATTERING)

Oh, my God!
Nick's hooking it
with another chick.

This guy is amazing.

(INAUDIBLE)

I've wanted to do that
for the longest time.

Ooh!
(LAUGHS)

(MOANS)

Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

What in the hell is that?

Let me see something.

Oh. Only if you show
me something first.

What're you looking for?

These?

No. I want...
I want to see your stomach!

You've got one!

Got what?

A bellybutton.

We--We--We thought you
were one of them.

One of who? Who?

An alien. A Decoy, I mean...

They don't have bellybuttons.

What?

- I thought you wanted me,
but you're sick!
- Steph, wait!

- Let me go!
- Steph...

Sam! You gotta come see this!
Now! She's doing it to Nick!

- You are so disgusting!
- No, Steph...

- All of you!
- Steph...

No! She's turned
into some monster,

with tentacles and stuff!

That's her.
The girl who went with Arnold
the night he disappeared.

Oh, my God.
So they're real.

Damn!
The temperature's dropping.

- We have to find them before
she...
- Yeah, come on.

Go.

(GRUNTING)

Come on!

(SNARLS)

Guys, don't let her get away.

Damn it!

- Where's she going?
- Probably to the hospital.

- We should call the cops.
- Right. Real smart, Peter.

First they arrest us,
then they throw
us in padded cells.

No, we gotta hunt
them down ourselves
and then destroy 'em.

- No, that's a little extreme.
- No.

What she was doing to Nick,
that was extreme.

Yeah.

- Nick.
- Nick!

- Nick, are you all right?
- Huh?

Stephanie, you do
something to your hair?

- Yeah, you like it?
- Yeah, yeah, he loves it.

Nick, listen to me.
Are you okay?

Not bad.

Dude, what she did to you,
that was sick.

What'd it feel like?

Not too bad. Actually, uh,
it's kind of enjoyable. (LAUGHS)

We've gotta
get all of them.

The problem is they
look exactly like girls.

Hot girls.

And it's gonna be really hard
to tell the difference.

It's gonna be hard for you
'cause you're guys.

What's that supposed to mean?

It means that you don't think
with your brains,

you think with your hormones.

I won't be so easily fooled.
Come on.

(BAND PLAYING
UPBEAT POP MUSIC)

She's one. Hey, you!

Come on.

(PEOPLE WHOOPING)

Look out! Look out!
Look out! Excuse me!

PETER: (GROANING) This sucks!

They must know
the other one's in trouble.

They'll go after her.

To the hospital?

Yeah.

They're vulnerable to heat.

Yeah, we need something
that puts out
industrial strength heat.

Okay. We're going to
need a bunch of
empty beer bottles.

- Check.
- How fast do you think
you can get yours hands

- on a few cans of hairspray?
- Are you kidding?

This is a co-ed dorm.
How many do you need?

- HENRY: A few dozen.
- Not a problem.

This place is enormous.

If they're hiding,
we won't find them
for days.

I have a good idea
where they are.

There's one place
in there
no one ever goes.

The old morgue.

- LUKE: Let's go.
- STEPHANIE: Okay.

Where's the morgue?

Don't look at me.
I've never been
down here before.

I think we should split up.

Remember not to
look them in the eyes.

- Okay.
- And don't forget
what happened to Arnold.

Hey, good luck.

You, too.

- Hey.
- Yeah?

I want you to know,
if something happens that...

Yeah, me, too.

- Guys...
- Yeah.

- Come on!
- Sorry.

- What are you doing?
- Okay.

This place
gives me the creeps.

They're close. I can feel it.

(GRUNTS)

- Sam!
- Sam! Sam!

I know you want me.

Wouldn't you
rather have this?

(SNARLS)

- (SAM SCREAMING)
- Steph, stand back.

This needs a little muscle.

(SAM SCREAMING)

No!

(SHOUTS)

(GROWLS)

Get away from him or I'll...

(SCREECHES)

(GRUNTS)

(SCREECHING)

- (GROWLING)
- Oh, no...

Sam, it's out.

(SQUEALING)

Nice going.

- Yeah.
- Cool.

- That was really cool.
- Yeah, thanks.

Come on.

It's just a closet.

Guys!

Please don't.

I'm not like the others.

I like being human.

I wanna stay this way.

Don't you like me like this?

Or do you prefer me

like this?

(EXHALES)

You don't have to
tell your friends.

We can make it a quickie.

Yo! Angie, think you're hot?

(LAUGHS)

(SCREAMS)

(SQUEALING)

We should split up.

- What?
- You guys go that way.

I'm gonna go this way.
Be careful.

STEPHANIE: Why?

This is a terrible idea.

What?

Why does he want to split up?

It's okay, we'll be fine.

Steph?

SAM: The morgue.

Okay. Be careful, okay?

(GROWLS)

They're not here.
Let's get out of here.

No. No, I wanna look around.

Sam, there's
a body on this gurney.

I thought they didn't
use this place anymore.

(STEPHANIE SCREAMING)

Steph!

(CHOKING)

(SCREECHING)

(STEPHANIE SCREAMING)

(STEPHANIE CHOKING)

(STEPHANIE COUGHING)

Sam! Sam!

Steph! Hang on!

(SQUEALING)

(COUGHING)

The oven.

(PANTING)

Come on, baby. Let me out.

I will do whatever you want.

And I can be
whoever you want me to be.

SAM: Not this time.

(GROWLS)

Remember Arnold?
Well, this is for him!

(BUZZING)

Luke?

(MUFFLED SHRIEKING)

(CRACKLING)

(HISSING)

(GROWLS)

Oh, no...

(COUGHING)

Dr. Constance, I presume?

(ROARS)

I've been looking for you.

(GRUNTS)

Oh, my God! They're real.

No shit.

You k*lled one of my clones.

You survived mating once.
Let's try it again.

Give it the old college try.

(GROWLS)

Are you okay?

Oh, are we upset?

LUKE: Constance!

(ROARS)

(SQUEALS)

(SIGHS)

- (WHOOPS)
- Oh, man, what's up now?

He's totally going to give you
a run for the top spot.

This is a real
relationship.

Bonus points for sex
with meaning.

Sorry, dude.
It still doesn't count.

Unless we get to
see it on video.

- (ALL LAUGHING)
- You guys are so immature.

Actually, their
behavior is quite typical
for the average college male.

(GROANING)

LUKE: Be careful.

Oh, shit.

SAM: It's okay. It's okay.

That's Professor Buckton.

NICK: I'll get the light.

Oh, my God.

He's still alive.
But his pulse is weak. Here.
Help me get him out of here.

Come on. Help me.

(CRACKLING)

PETER: Oh, God!

LUKE: It's happening again.

They're giving
birth to a new species.

LUKE: Oh, man!

Oh, man!

(SCREAMING)

(ALL SCREAMING)