Brady Bunch Movie, The (1995)

[bunniefuu]

[ Rock music playing ]

♪ Here there's

♪ Hills of desert
cheap wine ♪

♪ Here there's

♪ Psychic mocha hotline

♪ I'm feeling nothing,
it feels fine ♪

♪ I'm feeling nothing

♪ Mojo

♪ There's mojo
in the sunshine ♪

♪ Mudslide

♪ Free range
topless shoeshine ♪

♪ I'm feeling nothing

♪ It feels fine

♪ I'm feeling nothing
for a love to shine. ♪

[ Sirens wailing ]

Man:
that's what's brilliant
about you, mr. Feldman.

No one else would
have thought of building
a residential mini-mall.

Now that I've got
everyone else on the block
to agree to your offer,

- I think we're--
- it's gotta be everyone
on the block--

Everyone or the deal's off.

Oh, we're headed
into the canyon.

[ Mimics static ]
I think I'm losing you,
mr. Feldman.

Cut the crap, dittmeyer.
Did you get everyone or not?

Well, there's this one family
that's holding out.

Then sweeten the deal.
Up the offer.

It's not that simple.

It's like they're
not interested in money.

It's like they're not normal.

Why the hell not?
What's their story?

[ "Brady bunch"
theme playing ]

♪ Here's the story
of a lovely lady ♪

♪ Who was bringing up
three very lovely girls ♪

♪ All of them had hair of gold
like their mother ♪

♪ The youngest one in curls

♪ It's a story
of a man named brady ♪

♪ Who was busy
with three boys of his own ♪

♪ They were four men
living all together ♪

♪ Yet they were all alone

♪ Till the one day when the lady met this fellow ♪

♪ And they knew that it was
much more than a hunch ♪

♪ That this group must
somehow form a family ♪

♪ That's the way we all
became the brady bunch ♪

♪ The brady bunch

♪ The brady bunch

♪ That's the way we became
the brady bunch. ♪

Ahh.

[ Sighs ]

[ Rock music blaring ]

Oof!

[ Spits ]

Don't worry about me.
I'm okay.

Morning, mrs. Brady.

- Thanks, alice.
- Morning, alice.

Be careful, mr. Brady.
Don't bend over.

We've gotten
the dittmeyer's mail
again, sweetheart.

You'd think
after all these years

They'd know
who lives where.

Well, I always know
where to deliver
my mail.

Mr. Brady.

[ Lisping ]
mommy, mommy,
marcia's been

In the bathroom
for a super
long time.

Now, cindy,
we've told you before,
no one likes a tattletale.

- But daddy--
- your father's right,
sweetheart.

Why don't you help alice
make some cookies?

Okay, mommy.

Can my doll
help too?

As long as it's
not betsy wetsy.

She makes my cookies
soggy woggy.

Oh, alice.

Mmm.

...4,998...

Come on, marcia.
Open up. I've gotta shave.

...4,999...

Gosh, marcia,
there are other people
in this family besides you.

- ...5,000.
- [ Knocks ]

Jan:
come on, marcia.

Doug simpson's sure
to notice me today.

All finished.

Finally.

- Greg!
- Jan, you're just gonna
have to wait your turn.

It's never my turn.

Jan, did you
move my trophies?

Yes.

I couldn't look in the mirror
without seeing the awards

Of thegreat marcia brady.

Ahem.

I believe these are
my white knee socks.

Not everything
in this room
is yours.

See, jan?
I told you they were mine.

Now put them back
and don't forget to close
the drawer when you're done.

Jan's voice:
she has every right to be mad.
They are her socks.

But why does marcia
get all the socks?

Why does marcia get
all the trophies?

Why does marcia
get all the good drawers?

Yeah, why does marcia
get everything?

Marcia, marcia, marcia!

It's closed.

Come on, greg.
Hurry up.

[ Voice cracking ]
boy, he's worse
than marcia.

Hey, what's wrong
with your voice?

My libido
is increasing
at a rapid rate

And the surge
of hormones causes

Dramatic physical
and emotional changes.

That's what
miss lynley told us
in health class.

- Peter: finally.
- Bobby: yeah.

Well, you kids have
no idea what it takes
to impress a chick.

Maybe someday
when you're older

You'll get hip
to what it's like being a man.

Good news, greg.
I'm putting on your favorite
scooby-doo bed sheets.

- [ Boys laugh ]
- scooby-dooby-doo!

Honey, I think you've
stirred that enough.

I'm not stirring.

I'm looking
for katie carry-all's
underpants.

I'll tell you what,

Why don't I
take over the cookies

And you
run these letters
to the dittmeyers

And see if they've
gotten any of our mail
by mistake.

Okay, mommy.

[ Dog barking,
rock music playing ]

Missy, get your
butt-ugly face
down here!

Hello, eric.
Are your parents home?

Blow off, cheeseball.

Missy!

Shut up
before you have
a toxic dump!

Hello, missy. How's your
science project coming?

I finished mine.

What are you gonna do?

Hand in your face
and call it barf mold?

Thee you
on the thee-thaw, thindy.

Bye.

Look, mr. Feldman,
I promised they'd sell
and they will.

- Like the bates deal?
- I know I took it in the rear
on that subdivision,

But this time, I'm the one
who's doing the screwing.

Yeah well, just make sure
one holdout family doesn't
wreck this, you hear me?

- Look, can I call you back?
- Yeah.

- Thanks.
- Hello, mr. Dittmeyer.

Why are you here?

Oh. Thanks.

Mom asked me
to ask you if there's any
mail for us here by mistake.

I don't understand you.
What do you want?

Mom asked me to ask you
if there's any mail for us
here by mistake.

Larry:
what?

Mom asked me to ask you
if there's any mail for us
here by mistake.

- Nope, not a clue.
- She wants the brady's
mail, larry.

Thank you, darling.
So kind of you to climb out
from under your hangover.

Let's see,
where'd I file your mail?
Oh, yes.

- Hi, honey.
- Hi.

- How's your daddy?
- He's fine.

Mrs. Brady's lucky

To have a big, strong,
virile man like that.

Tell you what,
sweetie,

Next christmas,
you tell your daddy I'd be more
than happy to wrap his package.

- Okay.
- Here. Hit the road,
bad seed.

Excuse me
but the juice will
make your shoes slip.

What?

Your shoes will
slip in the juice.

Oh.

- Cindy: bye.
- Bye-bye.

Agh!

[ Cackling ]

Daddy,
mrs. Dittmeyer said

That she'd be glad
to wrap your package
this christmas.

Hmm, really?

How is
mrs. Dittmeyer?

Mr. Dittmeyer says
she's overhung

But he's not in a good mood
because he's taking it
in the rear.

Must be that
paperboy again.

Ahem.

Cindy, that's
mr. Dittmeyer's business.

Remember,
nobody likes a snitch.

I'm not a snitch.

I just tell it
like it is.

You know, cindy,
when you tattle
on someone,

You're not just
telling on them.
You're telling on yourself,

And by tattling
on someone,

You're really
just telling them,
"I'm a tattletale."

Now is that the tale
you want to tell?

I never thought
of it like that.

Sweetheart, it's time
to get your school things
together, honey.

Okay, mommy.

Hmm.

What is it, mike?

It's a letter
from the county.

They say we haven't paid
our property taxes.

Haven't paid
our taxes?

We always pay
our taxes.

Well, they say
it's the fifth notice.

And we owe them $20,000
by the end of the week

Or they'll
auction our house.

$20,000?

There has to be a mix-up.

I better call someone.

We are?

You do?

Uh-huh uh-huh.

I see.

We should?

You are?

Uh-huh.

All right, goodbye.

We owe them.

- Oh, mike.
- Don't you worry, honey.
We'll find the money.

Find the money?

But we used our savings
to go to the grand canyon
and hawaii.

What are we
gonna do, mike?

Okay, troops,

Time for school!

Greg, marcia, peter,

Jan, bobby, cindy!

All:
oof! Ugh!

Do we always
have to walk
so close?

All:
oh, jan!

Mom, can I borrow
your car today?

I wanna ask donna leonard
to go out for a soda
after school.

- All right,
but no hot-rodding.
- Thanks, mom.

She's the most far out
chick in my class.

You wouldn't believe
how much I dig her.

Alice:
sure I would.

I've been digging sam
so long,

By the time he proposes,
I'll be six feet under.

[ Laughing ]

Oh, alice,
what would we
do without you?

Probably eat out.

Why the long face,
bobby?

Well, ever since
I became

A safety monitor
at school,

Nobody will
talk to me.

They think
I'm some kind
of fink.

Bobby, people like to be
corrected when they're
doing something wrong.

That's how we
improve ourselves.

Right, dad.

And if your sister would wear
her glasses, she just might
improve her eyesight.

Marcia doesn't
have to wear glasses.

Besides, all my friends
at school

Say glasses make me
look positively goofy.

Now, honey,
you look very lovely
with your glasses on.

Doesn't she, kids?

- Yeah.
- Far out, jan.
You look great.

- For sure.
- Out of sight.
Really terrific.

Honest.

Mike:
all right, troops.
Off to school.

- Carol: goodbye.
- Mike: have a good day.

- Greg: bye, mom; bye, dad.
- Cindy: bye, mom.

- Greg: come on, marcia.
- I'm coming.

Jan, a real friend
likes you for who
you are,

Not what's
on your face.

If you judge your
friends for passing
judgment on you,

You're not only
judging yourself,

You're judging
your friends
for judging you,

And that would be
using bad judgment.

I never thought
of it that way.

Jan.

Oh.

Bye.

Carol:
bye, honey.

- Bye, bobby.
- Bye, jan.

Agh!

Ooh ooh!

- [ Crashes ]
- ow.

[ Horn honking ]

Hey, you stupid
little punk kid!
Get out of the road!

[ Horn honking ]

Davy jones
is the most.

I sure wish
he'd write back.

I wrote him
over a month ago.

But, marcia, he gets
millions of letters.

But I'm president
of his fan club,

And I invited
him to entertain
at the school dance.

A big rock star like that
can't just drop everything
for our dance.

Jeez, you can be
so silly sometimes.

All right,
everybody out,
this is a carjack.

Well, of course
this is a car,

But my name's
not jack, it's greg,

- And this is
my sister marcia.
- Hi.

- And you are?
- Eddie.

Wait a minute,
didn't you hear me?

Get out now,
this is a carjacking.

Oh, greg, I think
he has a flat tire.

He must need a jack.
Sorry, eddie.

We don't have a jack
but don't worry.

I'll call triple-a
as soon as we get to school.

It was so nice
to meet you.

Bye-bye.

Driver:
hey, you moron!
Out of the way, jerk!

Now don't worry
about the house, honey.

I'm sure mr. Phillips
will advance me
the money.

Oh, of course
he will.

You're the best player
on his team.

Go get 'em, tiger.

Tiger, tiger...

What ever happened
to that dog?

- Brady!
- Mike: morning, larry.

You know I was just
reading about some
beautiful property

Available up in utah.

I'll bet you'd feel
right at home there--

Blue skies,
clean living, osmonds.

Thanks, larry, but I'm still
not interested in moving.

I love this house.

Carol loves it, kids love it,
alice loves it.

It was our first house
all together.

Half a mil,
take it or leave it.

Like I said, there's nothing
that could get us to sell.

I designed this house myself.
It's in perfect condition.

Carol thinks so, the kids
think so, alice thinks so.

Sorry.

[ Laughs ]
well, you can't blame
a guy for trying, huh?

[ Laughing ]

Putz.

Excuse me,
mr. Dittmeyer,

But as a member
of the safety patrol,

I must warn you
that your hedge is overgrown

And could block
the view of the street
for oncoming traffic.

I know this because I was
on my bike and checked out
the sightlines myself.

Hmm. Well, you see, billy--

- Bobby.
- Like it matters.

I grew my hedge tall
for a reason--

So I wouldn't
have to see your family.

Thank you for your concern.

[ Horn blares ]

[ Man screaming in foreign language ]

Car alarm:
you are standing too close
to the vehicle.

[ Hip-hop music playing ]

[ Honking ]

See you later.

Well, hey there,
groovy chick.

Oh, great.

Do I look like a yellow
fuzzy baby bird to you?

Hey, that's funny,
donna.

You know,
you are really happening
in a far out way.

How about you and me
going out for a soda
after school?

Sorry, I got
a step class.

Well, if you're
having problems
with your steps,

Maybe you should
let me carry your books
to history class.

I can hold
my own books

And it's not history,
it's "her"story.

Wow.

Hi, everybody.

♪ A goddess
on the mountain top ♪

♪ Was burning
like a silver flame ♪

♪ The summit
of beauty she was... ♪

- Hey, marcia.
- Hello, doug simpson.

♪ ...and venus
was her name... ♪

God, she drives me crazy.

♪ She's got it...

I gotta have that.

I live next door to her
and she's harder
to get into

Than a pearl jam
concert.

What are you guys
talking about?

Just how twisted
the bradys are.

Especially marcia.

What a retro wannabe.

I think
peter's a babe.

Well, in a gilligan
sort of way.

- [ Bell rings ]
- what, are you nuts?

Biology. Take notes.

What?

♪ Wow! She's got it

♪ Yeah, baby,
she's got it... ♪

[ Whimpers ]

- Hi, marcia.
- Hi.

Oh, guess what?
My mom said I can
sleep over.

Oh, really?
That's great, noreen.

Guess what else?
Doug just said hi
to me.

He is so dreamy,
isn't he?

Yeah, I guess...

If you like
that sort of thing.

So can I carry
your books to class?

Sure, noreen.

After all,
you are my best friend.

Uh-oh,
here comes doug.
Go away.

- Sure.
- No no, stay.

- Okay.
- No no, leave.

- Fine.
- No, stay and pretend I just
said something really funny.

- Doug: hey, marcia.
- [ Snorting ]

- What's up?
- Oh, um, hi, doug.

I was just wondering,
if you're not doing anything
friday night,

Maybe you'd like to go
to the dance with me.

Sure, that would be
a blast.

Cool. You'll hear
from me.

Great.

He's so out of sight.

[ Sighs ]

Oh my gosh!

- I just remembered.
- What?

I already told charlie
I would go to the dance
with him.

- So?
- So I can't go out
with two boys at once.

I like charlie,

But doug is so cute.

After all, he is
the big man on campus.

Noreen, what am I going to do?

This is the worst mess
I've ever gotten myself into.

The worst.

- Oh.
- My life is over.

[ Bell rings ]

Lynley:
so that is what
males experience

During the onset
of puberty.

Now, as far as
the young women are concerned,

First, we begin
with ovulation

And its effect
on the female body.

[ Whimpers ]

- Peter?
- Yes, miss lynley?

Why don't you come up here
and take the pointer...

[ Groans ]

...and trace
the path of the ovum
through the fallopian tube

Where the uterine lining
is flush to the vag*na?

[ Moans ]

Peter, peter.

Woman:
so, jan, what can I
help you with?

Teen pregnancy,
bulimia,

Suicidal tendencies?

No, it's
my stupid glasses.

Oh.

I know I should
wear them.

I look at myself
in the mirror every morning

And I say to myself,
"jan, put on your glasses."

But then I say,
"you look like a super creep.
Take them off."

It's like my head tells me
to do different things

And I get very confused.

Inner voices?
Good. That's good.

Let's explore that.

Jan's voice:
what does she mean,
"inner voices?"

I don't think that's
any of her business.

But it's her job
to ask questions.

You are so dumb.

I don't have inner voices.

Now, jan,

Paranoid schizophrenia
is very common

Amongst children
of blended families.

You are
the middle child,
aren't you?

Jan's voice:
middle child?

Don't you mean
marcia brady's little sister?

Wait a minute,
she's just trying to help.

Help? Wake up.

She's just
looking for an excuse
to bring up marcia.

Marcia, marcia, marcia!

Yes, I'm in the middle!

Well, it sounds
like you have

A serious case
of middle-child
syndrome.

But you
needn't worry.

Here's a copy
of my book...

And my tapes.

In the meantime,

Do something
to make yourself stand out,

Give you
your own look,

Apart from your siblings.

A new look--

That's it.

Gee, thanks, mrs. Cummings.

Jan, come back
when you're pregnant.

And, girl, you better work.

- Hi, holly.
- Hi.

- Can I give you a hand?
- Yeah.

Thanks.

I'm over here.

Hey, petey.

Look, leon,
it's holly's
little friend.

Hey, knock it off
or I'll--

Or you'll what?

Dittmeyer!
Do it and die.

I'm gonna
get you, brady.

A $20,000 advance?

I'd like to, mike,

But we're still hurting
from the recession.

I only have
three developers
coming all this week.

Let me have a sh*t
at those projects,
mr. Phillips.

If I can sell
one of them my design,

You could front me
the advance, right?

Sure, but...

How should I put this
delicately, mike?

Your designs are
from another time.

That's kind of you
to say, mr. Phillips.

I've always
thought of my style
as classic as well.

I'll get right to work.

Well, mr. Amir,
what do you think?

I love it,

But it's
too interesting.

I want
something simple.

A couple
of self-serve pumps
and a slurpee machine.

Sorry.

It's only strike one,
mr. Phillips.

I've still got
two more times at bat.

[ Whistling ]

♪ Cinderella,
dressed in yellow ♪

♪ Went to the ball
to kiss a fell-- ♪

Hey, heidi!
Go yodel in your
own yard, huh?

Okay, mr. Dittmeyer.

Whoa!

Hey hey, little girl.

I gotta get something
out of my truck.

Don't let anybody
touch this wire.

- Can you do that?
- Of course.

Daddy, there's a brady
in our yard!

I thought I told you
to stay in your own yard.

Yes, but you see,
mr. Dittmeyer,

I'm simply
standing here because--

You know, the lisp thing
is really getting old,

So why don't you hop back
on the swiss-miss package
where you belong?

Okay.

Oh, don't forget
your jump rope.

Yaaagh!

Try it
and you're spam.

[ Whimpers ]

Well, mr. Brady.
Did you hit a homerun today?

My design didn't even
make it to first base.

[ Sighs ]

Maybe we should think
about taking mr. Dittmeyer
up on his offer.

You're serious about selling the house?

Carol, I designed
this house myself--

Every color, every brick,
every sheet of formica.

If I knew
another way out,
I'd take it.

But where else are we
going to find $20,000
by the end of the week?

Oh no, we're gonna
have to sell our house.

♪ Clowns never
laughed before ♪

♪ Beanstalks never grew

♪ No one ever loved--

What is it, cindy?
I'm busy writing a song
for danielle.

- I have to tell you something.
- Okay.

But I can't tell you
because that would
be tattling.

Now come on, cindy.
If it's important,
it's not tattling.

I'm never going to tell
that mom and dad have
to sell the house

Because they
owe $20,000.

Oops.

...and that's why
I called this meeting.

Greg, what are we
gonna do?

Yeah, if we don't
raise $20,000
in one week,

We'll have to move.

- And go to a new school.
- And make new friends.

But, jan, you don't
have any friends.

Wait, we can
save the house.

- We can raise
the money ourselves.
- But how?

We can each get jobs
and earn extra money.

Hey, neato idea.

Gee, there's so many
things I'm good at,

I wouldn't know
where to start.

Oh, I'm just so perfect
at so many things

You're just
jealous, jan.

I'm gonna make
some serious cash.

Oh yeah? Well,
I bet I can make
more than you.

With what, shrimpo,
your tooth-fairy money?

Who are you
calling shrimpo?

Hey, mom always said,
"don't play ball
in the house."

[ All talking at once ]

Hey, you guys,
stop fighting.

If we're gonna
save this house
for mom and dad,

We've each gotta make
as much as we can.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Marcia's voice:
"but, jan, you don't
have any friends.

You're just jealous, jan."

- Jan, what are you doing?
- Go back to sleep, cindy.

Jan, don't.
Marcia's hair is
so beautiful.

Exactly, that's why
I'm going to get

A lot of money
when I sell it.

[ Cackling ]

[ Screaming ]

Jan,
what are you doing?

Oh, marcia,
I love your hair.

Ooh, what a groovy
hairdo.

Oh, you're
so beautiful.

No, she's supposed
to look bad.

No, nooo!

[ Alarm ringing ]

What a horrible dream.

[ Clumsy strumming ]

Greg, have you
gone bananas?

No, I just found
a way to save our house.

I'm gonna become a rock star.

That's great, greg,

But I need some
advice about something
really important.

See, charlie
asked me to the dance
and I said yes.

Then doug asked me to the dance
and I said yes to him too.
What am I gonna do?

Well, you just tell the guy
you don't want to go with

Something suddenly came up.

- And that works?
- Sure.

Girls say it
to me all the time.

- Hey, marcia.
- Oh hi, charlie.

I can't wait
until the dance friday night.

Oh, um...

About the dance, charlie.

Well, something
suddenly came up.

Oh.

Oh well,
you know, that's okay.
Maybe some other time?

- Sure.
- Bye.

Bye.

Greg was right.

Well, that takes care
of that problem.

Let's see what's next.

Hmm.

♪ Clowns never
laughed before ♪

♪ Beanstalks never...

Bobby:
"attention: missing
school office supplies.

Reward offered."

Office supplies?
I don't know what
you're talking about.

Yeah, I've heard
it before.

I've got reward money
riding on this.

Now spread 'em.

Oh, come on, mrs. Whitfield,
you're gonna have to do
better than that.

Boy, you sure have
some strong thigh muscles,
mrs. Whitfield.

But I've been
here for hours.

Please,
you won't regret it,
I guarantee you.

Please. Weren't you
ever a kid,

With a dream of making
something of yourself?

[ Laughing ]

Clowns... To beanstalks?
[ Snickering ]

What the hell is this?

This is a guaranteed
gold record.

♪ Clowns never
laughed before ♪

♪ And beanstalks--

No.

Look, what did you say
your name was again?

Bravo-- johnny bravo.

Listen, bravo,

Today's sound is raw,
with an edge--

Seattle, grunge,
garage bands.

- Don't they have
beanstalks in seattle?
- [ Door slams ]

Well, hey there,
groovy chick.

Huh-uh.

Yeah, it went fabulous.
Put the head back on,
fletcher.

- Now listen, dittmeyer--
- listen, I am closing in
on the bradys though.

- They'll be--
- [ phone ringing ]

Can I call you
back, mr. Feldman?
My car phone's ringing.

- Hello?
- Woman: hello, I'm calling
from a marketing firm.

We'd just like
a few minutes of your time...

Agh!

Do you ever use
pens and pencils?

Hi, mrs. Dittmeyer.
I'm here to see eric.

Oh hi, greggy.

Oh, greg.
I'm so glad
you're here.

I've got some more
of your mail.

- Oh.
- Oh gee, your hands are full.

Let me just...

My, you've gotten
so big.

You're almost as big
as your daddy.

And I'm still growing.

Right before
my very eyes.

Your pants
are so tight.

- Hey, mrs. Dittmeyer.
- Peter.

Can I mow your lawn?
I'm trying to earn
some extra money.

Sure.

Two bradys.

Tell you what,
when you boys are done,

Why don't you
come inside and help me
make a sandwich?

[ Sighs ]

Penny for your thoughts.

How about


You're worried
about the house,
aren't you?

I told you I'd
take care of everything.

Oh, mike,
it's just that
we're so happy here.

I sure would
miss our kitchen
and our garden,

And alice!

If we lose her,
who'll make the lunches
I pass out?

And who'll
answer the phone,
"brady residence"?

- And who'll help me--
- now, honey, alice isn't
going anywhere

And neither are we.

Besides, she doesn't

Do everything
around here.

Time to put
your bookmark in,
mr. Brady.

[ Snoring ]

I sure am glad
your mom let you
sleep over on a school night.

Marcia, I have
to tell you something.

You're the
prettiest girl

In the entire school.

I know,

But how can I
use my good looks
and sparkling personality

To make money
and save our house?

That's it.

I could be
a teen model.

Oh, thanks, noreen.
You're the greatest.

- Noreen?
- Hmm?

Is that you?

Oh, I'm sorry.
I thought that
was my leg.

'Night.

Sweet dreams, marcia.

I still don't know why
you had to tag along.
This is my thing.

You're not the only one
who can be a model,
you know.

Ooh, those are
pretty pictures.

What have you
modeled for?

Guess.

Um, are you
a breck girl?

- No, guess jeans.
- Okay, um...

Levis, wrangler,

Oshkosh b'gosh?

- Woman: brady girls!
- That's us.

So you're
professional models?

- Marcia: yes, we are.
- Yeah, of course.

So what do you
have to show me?

Plenty.

[ "Charlie's angels"
theme playing ]

You.

Wow.

- Thank you.
- Why does everyone
always choose marcia?

What does she have
that I don't have?

Now, marcia, I may be
able to use you,

But first you're
going to have to do
a little work on yourself.

You mean like walking
with a book on my head?

No, I mean like cutting
that mousy hair,

Capping those teeth
and losing about 30 lbs,
my little sausage.

How do you feel
about breast implants?

Cut my hair?

...and after
much consideration,
mr. Swanson,

I designed a structure
especially for your needs.

So what do you think?

Swanson:
it's just too good a design
for a fast-food joint.

You see what
I'm saying, phillips?
This is...

I think you're pumping
a dry well here.

Understand
what I'm saying?
All right.

I'll be
in touch with you.

Sorry, mikey.

Well, strike two.

There's got to be
a way to make $20,000.

Hey.

"'Search for the stars'
is looking for fresh,
young musical acts.

First prize, $20,000.

Hmm, too bad
I'm not a musical act.

Girl:
hey, marcia!

I'm not marcia, I'm jan.

- The usual, sam.
- Sure thing, mrs. Brady.


Coming right up.

Carol, are you still
eating red meat?

Why, of course.
I've got growing kids.

I have to think
about their health.

Isn't sam the best?

Well, we're sure
gonna miss this place
when we move, won't we?

- Oh, we're not moving.
- You're not? I thought
everyone on the block was.

Mike says there's
no reason to sell.
We'll be here forever.

There you go, mrs. Brady.

Thanks, sam.

Have a nice day.

- Bye, sam.
- Bye.

Marcia, could you call
the troops to dinner?

In a second,
I'm just checking
for a letter from davy jones.

[ Sighs ]

Nothing. Oh, alice.

If I don't get
an answer from him soon,

I'll be the most
humiliated girl in the world.

You think waiting three weeks
for answer is rough?

Try waiting 20 years
for the question.

Alice.

Hey, greg,
you're the casanova
of clinton avenue.

How can I get holly
to go for me?

Well, chicks love
compliments, man.

Just tell her
how groovy she is.

- And that really works?
- Trust me, it always
gets a reaction.

Now throw me a pass.



Dinner's re--
oh, my nose!

- Are you all right?
- Oh gee, I'm sorry, marcia.

Yeah, me too.

Let's have
a look, marcia.

I look awful.

Just awful.

I can never show my face
in school again.

I'm ruined.

Sweetheart, I know
you feel terrible,

But it's gonna
get better.

I'm sure no one
will ever notice.

Oh my goodness,
what happened to your--

Mother's
favorite picture?

It's crooked.

I mean the painting's crooked.

I think
I'd better go.

- I think I hear the nose boy.
- [ Gasps ]

I mean the newsboy.
Oh boy, did I blow it.

Now I'll never
be a teen model.

I'll never be anything.

What's the point of living?
I might as well die.

Don't forget
my $10 reward money.

I made
more than you.

Almost $12.

Well, I got $15
from mrs. Dittmeyer.

Boy, is she
a good tipper.

But we're still
nowhere near $20,000.

This is just awful.

You can
say that again.

Tonight's the school dance
and my nose still
hasn't gone down.

Hey, I saw something
on the bulletin board
at school

About a 'search
for the stars' contest.

They're looking
for fresh young
musical groups.

First prize is
exactly $20,000.

Oh sure, jan,
like we'd really win.

We'd never have
a chance of winning.

- We might as well rob a bank.
- There's no point in fighting.

We're running out of time
and we still have to find
a way out of this mess.

I sure am gonna
miss this house.

Bobby:
uh-oh, here comes mom and dad.

All right, now remember,
everyone, act happy.

We can't let on
that we know anything.

[ All laughing ]

Mike,

You don't think the kids
suspect anything, do you?

Oh no, of course not,

But just to make sure,
we should act
extra happy.

Well, you know what
makes us the happiest.

All:
potato-sack race!

Get ready,
get set, go!

[ Yelling and cheering ]

- So what can I do you for?
- You can explain to me what
mrs. Brady told my wife.

Yeah, if mike brady
won't sell,

We're all screwed.

Well, allow me
to take this opportunity
to set the record straight.

The bradys are selling,
my clients are buying

And you are all
making out like bandits.

- Scotch, steve?
- Are you calling
my wife a liar?

Steve, no.

I'm just saying
you can't believe
the bradys.

We've all seen
the insane stuff
that goes on over there.

How about
this astroturf lawn
they treat like real grass?

And, excuse me?

A family that's happy
all the time?

Not possible.

It is strange
how they spend
their weekends--

Hopping around
in potato sacks.

Older woman:
and you know something?

I hear that their maid
works for free.

- Can you understand that?
I can't.
- No.

You know, I was
over there once.

One bathroom
for nine people.

- Woman: get out of here.
- Oh, stop, please.

And I never did
see a toilet.

Woman:
oh please, they've gotta
put it somewhere, come on.

I rest my case.

[ Doorbell rings ]

Hi, I'm doug simpson.

Marcia's date.

Oh right, the big man on campus.
Come on in, doug.

Marcia, doug's here.

Carol:
hi, doug.

Big man
on campus, huh?

Yeah, right.

Hi, doug.

Hi, marcia.
Is anything wrong?

Sweetheart, I think
you better show him.

I suppose you don't wanna
go out with me now, huh?

Oh, of course I do.

It's not your nose I'm after.

That's a fine boy
marcia's got there.

Oh, marcia,
it looks like rain.
You better take your shawl.

Thanks.

Doug, how about you?
Do you have any protection?

Oh, yes, ma'am.
Assorted colors
and textures.

Good for you.

Mike:
have fun, kids.

Bye-bye.

[ Rock music playing ]
♪ are you coming with me?

But, doug, this isn't
the school dance.

I just figured
we'd come up here

And unwind a little bit
before we go down.

Mind if I change
the station?

Oh, it is
windy tonight.

Maybe we should
put the top up.

I'll keep you warm,
marcia.

Doug, your hand
is on my shoulder.

So?

Well, that's
third base

And I don't
go that far.

Doug, I think I just felt
your tongue in my mouth.

That's called
a french kiss, marcia.

I thought you were
from nebraska.

I am.

Listen, doug, I don't know
what you were thinking,

But I don't
do things like that.

Now you may
live your life one way,

But we bradys
follow our own drummer.

So I hope this doesn't sour
the rest of our date.

You bradys suck!

Excuse me.

No, thank you,
I don't take rides
from strangers.

I was just
wondering how to get
to westdale high school.

Westdale high?

[ Loud music playing ]

[ Metal detector beeping ]

Hey, you're one
groovy chick--

Really happening
in a far out way.

Thanks.

[ Laughs nervously ]

Oh!

Peter!

Excuse me. Can I have
your attention, please?

You may all know me
as greg brady,

But tonight

I like to introduce you
to johnny bravo.

[ Clumsy strumming ]

For my first song,
I'd like to sing
a number I wrote

For the grooviest chick
at westdale high.

[ Screaming ]

One, two, three, four.

♪ Clowns never laughed before

♪ Beanstalks never grew

[ Crowd yelling ]

♪ Ponies never ran
before I met you. ♪

[ Band starts playing ]

Whoa!

Hi, everybody.

It's the new jan brady.

Am I a hit?

Do you like it?

[ Band stops playing ]

Hmm.

Wow, it worked.

I really did make a splash.

Can I have
your attention, please?

I have some news that's gonna
make everyone flip.

Hey, what about me?

I thought he might show up,

But I didn't want
to get all your hopes up.

Marcia did it again.

Marcia, marcia, marcia.

But here he is--
davy jones!

[ No reaction ]

Boy: hey, grandpa!

Thanks a lot
for being here, davy,

I mean mr. Jones.

Anything for my
number-one fan.

[ Sighing ]

[ Piano playing ]

♪ Girl, look what
you've done to me... ♪

Look, it really is
davy jones.

♪ Me and my whole world

♪ Girl, you've brought
the sun to me ♪

♪ With your smile

♪ You did it, girl

♪ I'm telling you, girl

♪ Something unknown to me

♪ Makes you what you are...

- Hi, charlie.
- Hey, marcia.

It was rude of me
to break our date.

How can I
make it up to you?

Well, gee, marcia.

How about a dance?

Why, I'd love to,
charlie anderson.

♪ Thank you, girl, for making
the morning brighter ♪

♪ Girl, for making
the nighttime nicer ♪

♪ Girl, for making
a better world for me ♪

♪ I'm telling you, girl

♪ Something unknown to me

♪ Makes you what you are

♪ And what you are

♪ Is all
that I want for me ♪

♪ And it's good
to feel that way, girl ♪

♪ Thank you, girl,
for making the winter warmer ♪

♪ Girl, for making
the music softer ♪

♪ Girl, for making
a better world for me... ♪

[ Guitar solo ]

♪ And what you are

♪ Is all
that I want for me ♪

♪ And it's good
to feel that way, girl ♪

♪ Thank you, girl

♪ Thank you, girl


♪ Thank you, girl.

[ Cheering ]

Hey, where you going?

Something suddenly
came up.

Hey, marcia, you looked
great up there.

Thanks, noreen.

Hey, marcia,
you got a sec?

Forget it, doug.

Even with a swollen nose,
I can still smell a rat.

Slut.

Marcia, would you
get our coats?

I have a little
matter to discuss.

Sure, charlie.

Hey, I heard
what you said, doug,

And I'm not
gonna let you talk
to marcia like that.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

What are you gonna
do about it, geek?

I'm gonna...

Lose...
Consciousness.

Hey, doug. How's about
a little punch?

Is he dead?

Wow.

Charlie, thanks.

Couldn't have done it
better myself.

Here.

Are you okay?

[ Sniffles ]

Eat time, marci.

Yeah, me too, charlie.

Well uh--

- Bye.
- Bye.

Uh, marcia?

Can I have
a kiss goodnight?

Well, okay, charlie.

Marcia, I think
I just felt your
tongue in my mouth.

It's called
a french kiss,
charlie.

Um, marcia,
I gotta go.

Something
suddenly came up.

Peter:


Dinner's ready!

Ooh, my nose!

[ Moans happily ]

What a nice dream.

[ Screams ]

Jan, what is it?
Has my nose gotten worse?

No, it's better.

The hardest thing about
the health club business

Is getting people
to leave their house.

Well, what do you think?

I love it.

[ Speaks japanese ]

Consider yourself hired.

- [ Bat cracks home run ]
- [ crowd cheers ]

Uh-huh.
You would?

I see.

Ah ah.

All right.

Rrrrr...

Mom, dad.

Hey, why the gloom?

We just had
a kid meeting,

And we decided
that we don't mind
if we have to move.

We tried to raise the money
for the tax bill ourselves,

But there are only
two days left,

And all we could
come up with was $110.

What?

How did you know about
the house and the tax bill?

Oops.

Cindy,

Do I have to remind you
that when you tattle
on someone

You're not just
telling on them,

You're telling on yourself,
and telling them--

All:
telling them that
you're a tattletale.

- Greg: yeah, we've
heard that, dad, thanks.
- All: thanks, dad.

Kids, you
have nothing
to worry about.

Today your father
sold a design

And now he can get
that $20,000 advance.

All right!

I appreciate what
you all tried to do,

And from now on
no more secrets.

The important thing
is we still have our home.

So let's celebrate!

Put on your sunday best, kids.
We're going to sears.

Far out!

[ Pop music playing ]

♪ I think I'll go for a walk
outside now ♪

♪ The summer sun's
calling my name ♪

♪ I hear ya now

♪ I just can't
stay inside all day ♪

♪ I gotta get out,
get me some of those rays ♪

♪ Everybody's smiling

♪ Sunshine day

♪ Everybody seems

♪ So happy today

♪ It's a sunshine day

♪ I think I'll go
for a walk outside now ♪

♪ The summer sun
knows me by name ♪

♪ He's calling me

Hey, everybody,
look at alice!

Far out, alice!

And I thought sam
had magic fingers!

[ All laugh ]

Hey, everybody, look!

Mike:
come on, g*ng,
let's have a look.

- ♪ I think I'll
take a walk every day now ♪
- I'm on tv!

♪ The summer sun
show me the way ♪

♪ To be happy now

♪ I just can't
stay inside all day ♪

♪ I gotta get out,
get me some of those rays... ♪

Oh my god, tori spelling
is here autographing
her new perfume!

[ All screaming ]

♪ I think I'll go for a walk
outside now ♪

♪ The summer sun's
calling my name ♪

♪ I hear ya now

♪ I gotta get out,
get me some of those rays ♪

♪ Everybody's smiling

♪ Sunshine day

♪ Everybody's laughing...

Bill, brady, occupant,

Bill, brady--

Joint consolidated tax bill,
final notice.

"Dear mr. Brady,
due to your failure to pay,

House will be auctioned


Tomorrow.

$20,000.

Dina. Dina,

This is the greatest day
of our lives.

Did the kids run away?

No. We are rich.
We are gonna be filthy,

Stinking,
disgustingly rich

- Larry?
- Yeah?

Get me my ice mask.

Will you forget
your ice mask?

We're gonna be so rich
you can hire an eskimo
to sit on your face.

- [ Knock on door ]
- it's open.

Of course it is.
[ Chuckles ]

- Morning.
- Morning, larry.

If you're here about the offer,
the answer's still no.

I haven't changed my mind.

No need for that.

I know you won't be
selling this house,

Because after the auction
tomorrow I'll own it.

Well, I don't think
there'll be any auction.

What?

Well, luckily I just sold
one of my designs,

So it looks like
the bradys are here to stay.

So, which firm was
lucky enough to snag
one of your designs, mike?

And of course if you need
a property for one of your
health clubs, I'm your man.

Thank you.

Well well,
what have we here?

This is one of our new gyms
that we are constructing.

We are negotiating
to buy the design
right now.

Really?

Who's your architect?

A very talented fellow,
name of brady.

I guess you won't be
breaking ground until
after he dries out.

- Dries out?
- I really shouldn't
say anything.

The guy's been through
a lot lately,

What, with the charges
filed against him.

- Charges?
- Criminal negligence.

A building he designed
completely collapsed--

Old folks' home,
christmas day.

All those cute little
visiting grandchildren,

Some with puppies.

Let's take a moment

To honor their memory,
shall we?

[ All whooping ]

[ Phone rings ]

I'll get it.

Brady residence.

You did?
I see. When?

Ah ha.

They did?

Why not?

Ah ha?

Oh.

Yeah?

Right.

Well, bye.

Bad news, I'm afraid.

Oh, mike.
What?

The flex factory pulled out
of the project this morning.

They're not going
with my design.

Oh, mike.
Why?

They wouldn't say.

I guess this means
it's over.

Unless a miracle happens
by 2:00 tomorrow,

The county is going
to auction our house.

Oh, mike, how?

Kids, I'm afraid the money
we were counting on

Is no longer
a possibility.

But I want you to remember
that no matter where we go,

Whatever house we're in,

We'll be fine
as long as we're together.

So I don't want to see
any more frowns.

We're bradys, and
as a wise man once said,

Wherever you go,
there you are.

Never thought of it
that way, dad.

Boy, this is crummy.

There must be some way
out of this mess.

Everybody think.

Hey, I've got it!

We can enter that
"search for the stars" contest.

First prize
is exactly $20,000.

Hey, that's
a nifty idea, marcia!

Great idea, marcia!

Good idea, marcia.

Am I invisible?

Do I not have a voice?

I had that idea
two days ago.

- Stop being so selfish, jan.
- Come on, jan.

Oh, jan.

- Jan.
- Come on, you guys.

We got a big day
ahead of us.

We better get some rest
if we're gonna be a fresh
young musical group.

It was my idea, mine.

Didn't anybody hear me?

Jan's inner voice:
I heard you.

Jan's other inner voice:
me too, but it sounded better
coming from marcia.

[ Giggles ]

Sam, that was the juiciest
meat cutters' ball

I've ever been to.
I'm cooked.

Alice, I want you
to stick out your hand
and close your eyes.

I got a surprise for you.

Unless it fits on my finger,
I've gotta hit the sack.

It better fit, or
I'm gonna have to
take it back.

Sam, I thought
this day would
never come.

When I saw it, I thought
it was right up your alley.

I'm bowled over.

[ Laughs ]

I always thought our
grandchildren would come
visit us in this house.

Oh, mike.

You know,

This is going to be
our last night in
this bedroom.

Why, grandpa brady.

Jan, where are you going?

Someplace where
I can be appreciated.

Go ahead and
snitch if you want.
Just give me a head start.

I wouldn't snitch.
But how will we sing
without you?

Why don't you ask marcia?

Maybe she has another
brilliant idea.

Mom, dad.

What is it, cindy?

If you know something
but you don't want
to be a tattle

But it's very important
that you tell someone,

Cindy, let's talk
about it tomorrow.

But jan could
be dead by then!

What?

Oops.

Why would jan
run away like this?

Maybe we were thinking
too much about our problems

And not enough
about the kids.

Did anyone say anything
that would make jan run away?

Nothing more than what
we usually say to her.

All:
yeah.

I'll get alice.

Oh.
Hi, folks.

Sam, what are
you doing here?

Oh, I was just
delivering some meat.

Well, it's
a good thing
you're here.

Jan ran away and
we need you and alice
to help find her.

We'll circle the block.
You check the school.

Come on, g*ng,
let's go.

Mike:
come on, everybody.
Hurry up!

Come on, hurry.

Peter:
I call the way back.

What happened?
Did an animal die
on your head?

Hey, lose the hat,
you'll be okay.

Mike:
keep your eyes peeled,
everybody.

Breaker 1-9,
this is christmas carol.

Honey, no one's
answered us in years.

Oh, mike, I have to try.

Breaker 1-9,
do you read me?

Anyone out there?

I need a 20
on a little girl,

Blonde, blue eyes,
answers to the name of jan.

Tell her

Mother hen and father goose
love her very much.

Come in if you're
out there, over.

Huh. Sounds like
some family

Misses somebody
they love very much.

I don't have a family.

Oh, no family.

You know, sometimes I'm
driving the graveyard shift
in the middle of nowhere

And I can't help thinking
what might have been

If I had taken
a different road,

Married young,
had a family--

Three boys, three girls.

Then a little voice says,
"are you kidding?

They'd probably just
treat you like a maid."

You want some of this,
jan?

No, thanks.

You have a little voice too?

Oh, honey, when you're
on the road as long as I am

You gotta
talk to somebody.

It's a trick I learned
growing up.

It's tough being
a middle child.

You're a middle child.
So am i.

Then you know
what it feels like
not being special.

Jan's inner voice:
what does she mean,
I'm not special?

Jan's other inner voice:
hey, she's just trying
to help.

My family's not much.
No kids,

Though we do have
a lot of livestock...

Demonic inner voice:
jan, oh jan.

Don't listen to her.

...in this day and age...

Inner voice:
who is that?

Demonic voice:
it's me, the new jan brady.

Let's knock over a 7-11!

Jan's inner voice:
stop, you're scaring me.

Other inner voice:
me too!

Me too!

Mom, dad?

- Hi, I'm back.
- [ Glass breaks ]

Marcia, cindy?

Are you up there?

Greg, peter, bobby!

Alice?

Sam?

Christmas carol,
this is schultzy.
Come back to me.

Schultzy, this is
christmas carol.

I got a 20 on a little girl,

Blue eyes, blonde hair,
answers to the name of jan.

[ Cheering ]

I just dropped her off
at 4222 clinton way.

Thank you, schultzy,
thank you, and god bless!

Over!

That's a big 10-4.

[ Horn blows ]

- Jan!
- Jan!

Jan, are you here?

Mom, dad?

Oh, honey!

Oh, sweetheart!

I'm so glad you're safe.

Found her!

What on earth
made you run away?

I thought no one
wanted me here anymore.

But when I was out
in the real world

I realized that
I wanted me to be here.

You're all
a part of me.

And I'm a part of you.

And there's
no escaping that.

But it makes me feel
really special.

I couldn't have put it
better myself, jan,

But I'll try anyway.

See, I've always believed
that it doesn't matter

Where your home is
because home is where
your heart is.

And we may lose
this house,

But we'll always
have our family,
because we're bradys.

And this family
is our home.

That's why we'll always
have our home

As long as
we have our family.

Even if we lose our house,
we're still bradys.

Your father's right.

All:
yeah, absolutely,
dad, sure...

Maybe we can still
save the house.

How about jan's idea of
the "search for the stars"
contest?

Jan's idea?

Yes, it was jan's.

And it's a really great plan.

- Carol: what's
"search for the stars"?
- It's a contest,

For the best musical group.

And there's a first prize
of $20,000.

And singing one
of greg's songs,
we're sure to win.

Well, then you're gonna
have to sing it without me.

- Huh?
- What?

Why?

I thought I could
change my name

And my personality

And become some big,
flashy rock star.

But I was just
kidding myself.

Nobody liked my act.

I guess I just don't
have what it takes.

Let's face it--

Johnny bravo's
nothing but

Johnny rotten.

You're right, son.
Johnny bravo doesn't have
what it takes.

But greg brady does.

He has us, and this family
can accomplish anything.

Alone we can only
move buckets.

But if we work together,

We can drain rivers.

Your father's right.

The eight of us separate
are just eight.

Well, with alice we're nine.

- But nine--
- yes, well, technically--

- And with sam, 10.
- Mm hmm.

But 10 separate,
just 10.

Together we're a bunch.

All:
yeah, the brady bunch.

What do you say, greg?

Please?

Well, what
are we waiting for?

Grabs some costumes.

We've got to
make that contest!

[ Hard rock band plays ]

♪ We are blood,
we are bone ♪

♪ We are sadness,
all alone ♪

♪ At the beginning
of the end ♪

♪ We are phlegm,
we are phlegm. ♪

I'm so nervous.
Why am I so nervous?

Stop it.
You're making me nervous.

[ Song ends ]

- [ Applause ]
- [ spittoon dings ]

Host:
all right, let's have
a big hand for phlegm!

You sounded hot.

What, are you
completely brain dead?

Leon missed
an entire riff.

Didn't you hear it?

I liked it.

You're such a loser.

Hey, eric,

I'm sick and tired of seeing
you treat holly that way.

In fact I'm sick and tired
of you altogether.

You're nothing
but a big bully.

[ Chuckles ]

You're dog meat, brady.

[ Voice cracking ]
do it and die, eric.

Oh!

[ Whimpers ]

Hurry, peter.
We're on!

Thanks, peter.
I think you're
really neat-o.

[ Deep voice ]
why, thank you, holly.

I think you're ginger
and mary ann combined.

- Host: ...the bradys!
- Come on, peter.
That's us.

- See ya.
- Good luck.

[ Eric whimpering ]

[ Rock 'n' roll music playing ]

♪ Flying down the highway
in a makeshift model t.a. ♪

♪ Whoo yeah whoo

♪ It's a beautiful
morning ♪

♪ And it's gonna be
a beautiful day ♪

♪ The wheels are humming
and the guitar's strumming ♪

♪ And the radio is blasting
and good sounds are coming ♪

♪ As we're flying
down the highway in
a makeshift model t.a. ♪

♪ We're gonna keep on keep on
keep on keep on dancing ♪

♪ All through the night

♪ We're gonna keep on
keep on keep on keep on
doing it right ♪

♪ We're gonna keep on keep on
keep on keep on moving ♪

♪ We're gonna
keep on keep on keep on
keep on grooving ♪

♪ Keep on singing and dancing
all through the night ♪

♪ [ Deep voice ]
you can hear the music
more than 26 miles away ♪

♪ Ooh yeah

♪ Smiling is happy

♪ And happy is
here to stay, yeah ♪

♪ We're gonna keep on keep on
keep on keep on dancing ♪

♪ All through the night

♪ We're gonna keep on
keep on keep on keep on
doing it right ♪

♪ We're gonna keep on keep on
keep on keep on moving ♪

♪ Gonna keep on keep on
keep on keep on grooving ♪

♪ Keep on singing and dancing
all through the night ♪

♪ We're gonna keep on keep on
keep on keep on dancing ♪

♪ All through the night

♪ We're gonna keep on
keep on keep on keep on
doing it right... ♪

[ Song fades ]

[ Scattered applause ]

Thank you, brady bunch.

- You were great!
- Terrific!

Great!

Let's give the rest
of our contestants
a big hand

As our judges
tally up the score.

Thank you.

And I have it right here.

The winner of the
"search for the stars"

$20,000
Grand prize is

The brady bunch?

- Hey, great job.
- Thanks.

They what?

How could those losers
win anything?

Look, eric, you gotta
stall them for me.

What do you mean,
what's in it for you?

All right.
You have my permission
to pierce anything you want.

Just keep him
from getting here.

Damn kid.

Come on!

Well, here it is,
a check made out
to the brady bunch

For $20,000.

- Come on, g*ng, let's go!
- Hurry!

Host:
let's here it for the bradys.
They were something else.

Thanks for coming down. I hope you had a good time...

Come on, let's go, troops!
Come on! Hurry up!

- Greg!
- Greg!

[ Clamoring ]

Hey there, groovy chicks.
You're all happening
in far out ways.

Greg, hurry!
The house!

Now how do you suppose
that happened?

Oh, mike, what
are we gonna do?

[ Car alarm blares ]

Hey, marcia, look.
It's our friend eddie!

You remember, the guy
who needed a car jack.

Come on, everybody.
He can give us a lift.

- Greg: hey, eddie!
- Oh no.

Can you give us a ride?

A ride?

Good afternoon.

Having trouble
with your car alarm?

It's not our car.
It's our friend eddie's.

Oh, really?

Where are
the keys, eddie?

I lost them?

Oh, no. But we were
counting on you to give
us a ride to our house.

I'll run the plate.

Excuse me, officer,

But I'd hate to ask
a law enforcement official
to bend the rules,

Especially for
penal code 117,
section 33b,

But our house
is at stake.

- We really need your help...
- It's our home...

[ Clamoring continues ]

Please?


Auction time.

It's exciting,
isn't it, alice?

By the power authorized me
by the county of los angeles,

I hereby offer this property
to the highest bidder

- Unless the owner redeems--
- come on come on.

Okay, I'll start the bidding
at the sum total of
back taxes--

$20,000.
Do I have any takers?

Say, I've got $20,000.

[ Siren whoops ]

Mike on megaphone:
stop the auction!

We have the money
for the tax bill.

I repeat: stop the auction!

We have the money
for the tax bill.

The house is still ours.

Come on, kids!

Hold everything!

Good news, everybody.
The bradys are here
to stay!

All right!

You lied to us,
dittmeyer!

The bradys aren't selling.

- Man: I knew it!
- You guaranteed us!

You ruined us,
dittmeyer.

You're gonna pay
for this!

Now hold on, people,
wait a minute.

The man you should be
angry with is me,

'Cause our house is
more important than money.

This neighborhood is more
important than money.

Tell me, how many times
have we borrowed each
other's power tools,

Or patched up
each other's kids?

We know so much
about each other.

I know that every january
mr. Yeager's gonna have

That big super-bowl party
at his house.

Well, yeah.

We know every spring
mrs. Simmons is going to have

The prettiest daffodils
on the block.

- They are beautiful.
- They have lovely flowers.

We know that at 10:15
every saturday morning

Mrs. Topping likes to walk
through her living room naked.

You knew about that?

Call me old-fashioned,
but these things are important,

And they're not for sale.

This is our neighborhood.

And we're staying.

Now this is gonna
sound crazy,

But brady's right.

We're never gonna find
another neighborhood
like this.

And we'll never find
neighbors like the bradys.

We're staying too.

Us too.

Both:
so are we.

We will too.

Great!

Gosh, I wish
I lived here.

It's incredible.

You people are all staying

Because one family
is willing to stand up
for what they believe in?

Well, that and the huge
settlement we're gonna get
after we sue dittmeyer's ass.

Oh, mike, I always knew
you could hit a grand slam.

And now we can stay
in our house after all.

Hey, do you know who'd
love to hear about this?

Brady kids:
grandma!

Hey!

- We won!
- We won the contest!

Hi, everybody!

[ All clamoring ]

Wait a minute.

Look how pretty
you have gotten!

Oh, those clothes!

Oh, what taste!

And that smile!

Oh, marcia, you are
such a beauty!

Jan's inner voice:
everyone loves marcia.
No one loves you.

Jan's demon voice:
watch my head spin!

k*ll k*ll k*ll!

No! Stop it!
I can't take it anymore!

Jan's demon voice:
shut up, you loser!

Jan, cut the crap!

They're gone!

Thank you, grandma!

Oh, there!

Cindy's inner voice:
cindy, oh, cindy.

Why does jan get
all the attention?

Cindy's other inner voice:
yeah, it's always
jan jan jan!

[ Theme music playing ]

♪ The brady bunch,
the brady bunch ♪

♪ That's the way we became

♪ The brady bunch

♪ I remember someone said

♪ Even when we lose
we win ♪

♪ Well, we must be
winning now ♪

♪ 'Cause it's got
that losing feeling ♪

- ♪ Mom always said
- ♪ don't throw the ball
in the house ♪

♪ I only wish
that I had known ♪

♪ Maybe I would not
have broken ♪

♪ Every single thing I own

♪ Just wait for fate
to change the life
that you hate ♪

♪ Down to your d.n.a.

♪ Just wait for fate
to change the life
that you hate ♪

- ♪ And get out of my way
- ♪ have a nice day

♪ You know your father
is right ♪

♪ And he's always
going to be ♪

♪ Well, that makes me
feel so great ♪

♪ 'Cause I just love
being angry ♪

♪ Just wait for fate
to change the life
that you hate ♪

♪ Down to your d.n.a.

♪ Just wait for fate
to change the life
that you hate ♪

- ♪ And get out of my way
- ♪ have a nice day.

[ Music fades ]