03x02 - Reach for the Top

[bunniefuu]

Adult mark [v.O.]:
Reach for the top!

A tv quiz show for kids.

Students in every
province competed

With the hopes of
country-wide fame.

Mr. Tilley: [tv]
in this coastal city,

You'll rest in the shade
of fleming park,

Which is also called
the dingle.

-Halifax.

-[buzz]
-mr. Tilley: Princess anne?

-Moncton?
-No, moncton is not correct.

To st. Dominick's we go for
the remainder of the question.

-Always wait for
the full question!

-Nah, you've gotta go for it.
sh**t first, think later.

-Thinking is kind of
the whole point.

It's trivia.

Adult mark [v.O.]: Cara!

A protestant girl
I'd had a fling with.

We went to different schools,
separated by religion.

Not quite star-crossed lovers,
but crucifix-crossed,

Or cross-crossed.

-[beep]
-charlottetown?

-No, we're in halifax.

-Right again.
Nice one, critch.

Adult mark [v.O.]: Trivia!
Sports for nerds.

And I was the gretzky of geeks.

Mary: I still can't believe
my baby's gonna be on the tv.

-Shh!

Adult mark [v.O.]: Our school
was facing cara's

In the regionals.

I would finally be on tv,
but I'd have to crush my crush!

-I dunno, I still feel
a little weird about this.

You sure it's okay?

-It's just a game, silly.

We can't let it get between us.

Promise?

It's just a bit of fun.

-"just a bit of fun"?
Deal.

-Besides,
we don't have a chance.

You're the smartest boy I know.

Mr. Tilley: [tv]
on December 7th, 43 bc,

A great roman orator
was assassinated

For having offended
marc anthony in his speeches.

-[mouths answer]
-cicero!

Mr. Tilley: [tv] no answer?
Okay, we're looking for cicero.

Cara: See?

You're the smartest.

Cara's mom: Cara?
Supper!

-Gotta go.

Talk to you tomorrow?

-Parting is such
sweet, sweet, sorrow

That I shall say--

[line goes dead]

Pop: Finally!

Just keep off the phone,
will ya?

It's sweeps week!

-What's sweeps week?

-It's when they
count the ratings.

One good week could
put vocm in the top spot!

-Oh, they have contests,
cash prizes.

If they call you and you say,
"I live in vocm country,"

You can win 59 dollars.

-Yeah, but you can't win, pop.
We're related.

-Barely.

[car horn beeps outside]

-d*ck's here.
I'm off to work.

-Sweet jesus, you reeks!

I can practically
see the cologne.

-Drakkar noir, nice.

-I'm doing a remote live
from the strand lounge tonight.

Mary: Sure,
you were working all day!

Mike, you got
the boy run ragged.

-Sweeps week is w*r.

[car horn honks]

-A bar?

He's still a baby!

-Oh!

[phone rings]

-I'll get it!

I live in vocm country.

-Pop, will you put that down?
You'll get us all arrested!

-For you, mark!

Just be quick.

Here!

-Oh! Uh...

Hello?

-Hey!
Questions were dead easy, right?

We could have kicked
that school's ass!

Mike sr: You can't win!
You're my father!

Mary: Will you keep it down?
Your son's on the phone!

-Yeah, I guess.

-I called earlier,
but it was busy.

Pop: How do I know?

Your mother dated
lots of men before me.

-You're embarrassing mark!

-Look, it's a bad time.

I'll talk to you
at school tomorrow?

-Oh, okay, yeah.

[hangs up phone]

Adult mark [v.O.]: Love
is not a trivial pursuit.

♪

♪

Alright, kids!

What is canada's national sport?

-[beep]
-hockey!

-Incorrect!

-[beep]
-lacrosse!

Trick question.

Fox, I'm team captain.

Never buzz in
unless I give you the nod.

-Can't believe I said
yes to this.

-Alright, kids.
This is serious!

The whole province
will be watching.

So, whatever you do,
don't think about that...

Or you'll freak out.

-[beep]
-no, I won't.

-Yes, you will.
-[beep]

-No, I won't,
'cause I don't care.

-That's not a toy!
You'll break it.

[prolonged beep]

-Then whoever made it sucks.

-I did!

Mark, control your players.

-[beep]
-I'd like to see him try.

-She has a point.

-Name the fictional detective
created by arthur--

-[beep]
-uh, sherlock holmes!

Fox: [laughs]
awesome!

-A tv studio
is full of distractions.

-It's just a bit of fun.

-You need laser-sharp focus!

There'll be lights,
and cameras, and...

-Your girlfriend?

-Gross!

-I meant cara!

Adult mark [v.O.]: What
kind of friend mentions

The girl you like in front of
the other girl you like?

-[loudspeaker beeps]
-sister rose: Attention!

All students
to the gymnatorium.

All students
to the gymnatorium!

-That's never good.

♪

-Mike, get up!
It's almost eleven.

Oh, you little frigger.

Oh, my...

I guess he doesn't need you
anymore either, does he?

[sighs]

d*ck: Stick around!

Mike critch is next
with the news!

Quarter to, quarter past,
and on the hour.

Jeez, how much news do ya need?

On vocm!

♪

Thank god you're here,
mike, b'y!

I thought I was gonna puke.

Young fella's dead to the world.

Got dragged off last night.

Women loves
a man in uniform, huh?

Or so I hears.

-Here's the money for
the "mad dash for the cash."

Now, the last thing
we needs is a winner.

We only got 590 dollars in prize
money to last the whole week.

That's 490 "ones,"
and one "hundred."

So for the love of god,

Hide the hundred
at the bottom of the stack.

-I can't do math, mike b'y.

I'm still loaded!

-Okay...

Gertie: Mike,
your father called.

You need to call home.

[phone rings]

I live in vocm country, hello.

-Pop, you can't win the contest.

-I already did.

You called me
from the radio station,

And I answered correctly,
so you owe me 59 dollars.

-We're not on the air!

-That's not mentioned
in the rules and regs.

I could sue.

[slams phone down]

Mike sr: Disgraceful.

Sister rose: We must pray
that our team will be victorious

Against the protestant heretics,
children.

Adult mark [v.O.]: We were
treated like apollo astronauts.

But would we walk on the moon,
or have a failure to launch?

Sister rose: It is written,

"their protestant god
will fail them.

"many of them will stumble;

"they will fall and be broken."
isaiah 8:15.

Reach for the top, children!

Reach for heaven!

-We're making memories, kids.
Win or lose, it doesn't matter.

Let's hope for a win, though.

In the name of the father,
the son, and the holy spirit.

Dear god,
lots going on in the world,

But if you could
just focus for a bit

On a child's game of trivia,

That would be very cool.

Amen.

Adult mark [v.O.]: This was
no longer "just a bit of fun."

-Better listening, vocm,
mike critch speaking.

Woman on phone:
Mike, it's linda. You sick?

-Uh, no, I'm fine, thank you.
And yourself?

- I wants to throw up.

Listen to me!
That's not very sexy, is it?

-Excuse me?

-I just woke up.
I never even knew you left.

My whole room
smells like drakkar noir.

I'm gonna chew the face
right off ya when I sees ya.

-I think you have
the wrong number.

-Why are you being weird?
One and done, are ya?

Well, try and burn me off
and I'll rip the head off ya!

[slams down phone]

[yawns]

[door shuts]

-Home early.

-Yeah.

I don't feel so good.

-Mm-hm.

Never slept at all
by the looks of your bed.

So...

Where were you at last night?

-Well, bar closed at 2,

And we had to be
at the station for 5, so...

I just ended up
crashing at d*ck's.

-Listen, bucko.

You live here, you sleep here.
You hear me?

-Mom, come on, it's my job.

-As long as you live
in my house,

You will abide by my rules.

-Maybe I shouldn't live
in your house, then.

♪

[door opens and shuts]

-And now it's time to play
"what's in the teapot?"

Lucky caller number five,
you're on the air.

Pop: [phone] hello!

I live in vocm country.

d*ck: Now, the riddle is,
"poor people have it.

"rich people need it.

"if you eat it, you will die."

What is it?

-[quietly]
nothing.

Pop: Well, um, uh...

Nothing.

-That's right!
The answer is "nothing"!

You win 50 dollars!

-Heh.
Good for you, pop.

Pop: Fifty dollars?

-Pop?

-What's your name, caller?

Pop: Uh, well,
my name is patrick crit--

-We seem to have
lost you, caller!

I swear to god, d*ck,
if my father

Wins a prize on this station,
I'm gonna have your hide.

And my son better not
"get lucky" either!

Adult mark [v.O.]:
A real tv studio!

The whole province
would see me win my prize:

Cara's heart.

Ritche: I don't think
we're ready for this.

-Cara told me
I'm the smartest guy she knows.

It's in the bag.

-Hey, kids.
Welcome to reach for the top.

-You're... [clears throat]
you're, uh...

You're, uh...
-Call me bill.

-Uh...

-And you are...?

-He's mr. Chafe, our coach.
-Ah.

-I knew that.

-Mark critch.
Team captain. Huge fan.

-Oh, fantastic.

Ah, here we go.
Have you met the other team yet?

-We already know each other.

-Hello.

My name's cara.
I'm the team captain.

Let's keep this professional.

-Hope you like losing.

-Fox!
It's just a bit of fun.

[intense music]

-Okay, so which team
wants the top?

-Mark: Oh, it doesn't matter.
-Cara: We want the bottom.

♪

Chad, this is mark.

Chad's the smartest boy I know.

-Hi.

Adult mark [v.O.]: Wait, what?

Mr. Tilley: Okay, kids!

Let's take a photograph, okay?
Right over here.

-That was cold!

-It's just a bit of fun...

-He's hot.

-Wha--

-Right up there.

Adult mark [v.O.]: My mind
was as blank as a...

Uh, wait, I know this one.
A...

Mike jr: [radio] stop by
the strand lounge

For the wildest night in town!

-It sounds like sodom
and gomorrah down there.

Mike jr: Spin
the wheel of misfortune

And you could win
a free small fish and chips!

-Wow, practically vegas.

Mike jr: Above the knee,
drink for free!

- Oh!
- No cover for the ladies!

-There are things
a mother shouldn't know.

Mike jr: Enter the mad dash
for the cash

And you could win 590 dollars.

-Oh!
Uh, you know what?

Maybe we should
go down there ourselves.

See what the lad's up to.

-You think?

-Well, do you want him
to end up like d*ck dunphy?

-Oh, no!

-Yeah, get your keys.

Adult mark [v.O.]: Even
the top of her head was pretty.

-Hey... Cara?

-You don't look so good.

Stage hand: Okay, five,
four, three, two, one...

Mr. Tilley: Well, good evening

And welcome to
reach for the top.

This evening,
we welcome these two schools...

The students of cashin academy.

[applause]

-And the students of
st. Bridget's.

[applause]

-Players, are you ready?

Well, let's begin.

Who was the first person
to fly solo across the atlantic?

-[beep]
-lindbergh.

-That is correct.

Adult mark [v.O.]:
Beginner's luck!

-How many months have
the letter "r" in them?

-[beep]
-eight.

-That is correct.

What is the capital
of the philippines?

-Uh--
-[beep]

-Saigon?

-Dude, what?

-Incorrect.
Cashin?

-[beep]
-manilla.

Mr. Tilley: That is correct.

Which nhl team won
the stanley cup in--

-[beep]
-uh, the edmonton oilers.

-No, that is incorrect.
The question for cashin now.

Which nhl team won the
stanley cup in the 1983 finals?

-[beep]
-the new york islanders.

-That is correct.

Adult mark [v.O.]: I'd seen
a lot of tv deaths,

But my own was the bloodiest.

Mr. Tilley: On what day did the
storming of the bastille occur?

[siren wailing]

A protestant class destroyer
is off our bow, captain.

[laser sh*ts]

Captain, shields are down.

-Fire back!

-Not yet.

We can reason with her.

-Your human emotion of love
is most illogical, captain.

They're hailing us.

-Put it on the screen.

♪

Surrender or die.

This is your final warning.

♪

♪

I still believe
there is some good in you.

Catholics, protestants...

We both have hearts.

We both have...

Emotions.

We both have...

Love.

Search...

Your heart.

-Fire.

[expl*si*n]

-[beep]
-alaska?

Mr. Tilley: Correct.
St. Bridget's is on the board!

-Yes!

-And with st. Bridget's
with ten points,

We'll be back after this.

[applause]

What the frig?
Are you taking a dive for her?

Adult mark [v.O.]:
I wish I was.

No, I wasn't taking a dive.

I was drowning.

d*ck: [into mic]
welcome to the strand lounge!

I'm d*ck dunphy from
vocm magic mornings!

How you doing, st. John's?

Give it up for mike campbell!

-Alright, alright!
Who wants to spin?

Excuse me, miss!

I am joined tonight
by one of our nursing students!

-Yeah!
-[applause and cheering]

-You're better looking
than you are on the radio.

[audience exclaiming]

Are you ready to spin
the wheel of misfortune?

-Wooooo!

[applause and cheering]

Mike jr: Oh!
And you have landed on...

The potty chug!

Whoa...!

Bouncer: Uh,
I don't need to see id.

Chug, chug, chug...

Crowd: [chanting] chug,
chug, chug, chug, chug, chug...

Chug, chug, chug,
chug, chug, chug...

[mike falls silent
as crowd continues chanting]

[people whistling and cheering]

We need to talk.

-Back off, missus.

I seen him first.

-Pop: Hm!
-Mary: Oh...?

Adult mark [v.O.]: The
whole province was watching,

But I only had eyes
for one girl.

-Snap out of it!

-I thought you
didn't care about this!

-I don't.

But I'm not about
to get beaten up on tv.

-Look, I thought I could do this
all on my own, but...

I can't.

Ritche, you know music.

Tina, you got science.

Fox, you know sport.

-And... What do you know?

-When to shut up.
-Good.

You touch that buzzer again,
and I swear to god,

I will break your
friggin' fingers.

Stage hand: ...Two, one!

[peppy gameshow music]

-And we're back
with the final round.

It's a canadian question
this time, folks.

How many provinces
have a smaller population

Than the city of toronto?

-[beep]
-seven?

-No, that's incorrect.
St. Bridget's?

-[beep]
-eight?

-That is correct.

-Yes!

Mr. Tilley: Music now.

Listen to the classical piece
and name the composer.

[1812 overture playing]

-[beep]
-tchaikovsky?

-That is correct.
It was the 1812 overture.

-Yes!

Bite me, you prods!

Adult mark [v.O.]: The only
thing better than winning

Is watching your friends win.

d*ck: Alright, show time!

[applause and cheering]

-Time for the mad dash
for the cash!

[applause and cheering]

-We've got 590 bucks in the box!

One lucky customer
will have 30 seconds

To collect as much cash
as they can!

Who wants to play?

[people yelling]

-d*ck: This fella doesn't...
-Pop: Coming through!

Pop: Out of my way!
Move it or lose it!

[crowd yelling]

Mom, you can't be here.

-I will go where
I bloody well like,

And I will find out
what you're up to

Supposing I have to
come here every night.

-Please.
You're embarrassing me.

-Oh!

Well, then.

♪

♪

-No, okay?
You can't! Mike'll k*ll me!

-Out of my way!
It's just a wind machine!

Start the clock!

Woman: Start the clock,
start the clock...

Pop: Yeah...
Whoa!

-[crowd cheering]
-yeah, look at him go, there!

He asked for it,
didn't he, now?

He asked for it!

-Oh!

-[pop laughing]
-[crowd cheering]

d*ck: Look at him go there!

Yeah, what have you got there?

-I know the difference
between right and wrong.

You taught me that.

I will always need my mom.

Just...

Maybe not at the bar?

I'm not a baby anymore.

-But you are to me.

You always will be.

This is who you
b*rned me off for, is it?

Mike jr: Oh...

No, uh, actually,
this is my mom--

[mary gasps]

[laughs]
wait, wait...

You... Think we're dating?

-What is she, a fourth year?

-[gasps]
oh...

Sit down, my love, hm?

What's your name?

-Linda.
-I'm mary.

-Hi, nice to meet ya.
-I love your hair!

d*ck: Alright, now!

Five, four, three, two, one!

That's time!

[applause]

-You alright, pat?
-Oh...

Yeah, but I only got
one bloody bill.

-Mike had me
put flour on 'em, eh?

-What?

-Aw, jeez, the hundred!

You knows you can't keep it,
though, now, pat.

The rules.

-Ah, I know.

But I still won,
though, didn't I?

He won 100 dollars!

[crowd cheering]

Adult mark [v.O.]: Winning
can feel pretty great.

Pop: You look like a gutted cod
gasping for air.

-Pop, shh!

Mr. Tilley: [tv] what was
the last state

To join the us union?

-Hawaii?
-That is correct!

-I look like I'm gonna throw up.

-I look awesome.

-Yeah, you do.

Mr. Tilley: Oh,
and that's time!

Our provincial champions
tonight, cashin academy!

They'll be carrying on
to the nationals in ottawa!

Goodnight, everyone.

[busy signal]

You were amazing.

-We taped it.

Do you wanna come over
and watch it again after school?

-Yeah!
I'd love that.

-Okay.
You hang up.

-No, you.
-No, you .

-No, y--

Adult mark [v.O.]: Love
is a game best played

With two players.

And when you find
the right player,

Nobody loses.

♪

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