03x05 - Bonfire Night

[bunniefuu]

Adult mark [v.O.]:
Mere minutes to three...

On a weekend!

I could almost taste
the freedom.

Sister rose: Children!

As you know,
tonight is bonfire night.

-Burn, baby, burn!

[students chuckle]

-Do you know why
they light the fire, children?

-We covered this
in my monarchist's club.

Guy fawkes tried to blow up
parliament in 1605

And k*ll king james I.

So people light fires ever since
to celebrate his failure.

-Guy fawkes was a catholic,
mr. Critch.

He was a hero, not a villain!

He wanted to blow up
the protestant king

To spark a catholic revolution.

He was tortured
in the tower of london.

He was drawn and quartered.

The bonfires they lit
were to burn his holiness,

The pope, in effigy.

When you burn a bonfire,
children, you burn a catholic,

And you warm yourselves
on the flames of hell!

[school bell rings]

-Have fun.

[organ music]

-Oh, uh,
I'm walking over to dad's.

There's a bonfire by his place.

-I thought he moved
around the bay.

-Yeah, but housing
don't know that.

Mom says her name's still on it,
so shag him.

-Sounds complicated.
-Don't get me started.

Parents are some childish.

So, wanna come?

-Oh, uh... I dunno.

It sounds dangerous.

I-- I've never been
to one before.

They don't have them
on my street.

-That's 'cause
your street's a highway.

Sounds fun.

I just gotta call home
when we get there.

-Come on, don't be such a wuss.

-Bit'a fire can't hurt ya.
-Yes, it can.

That's why they have
a fire department!

♪

Adult mark [v.O.]: It was
a different kind of fire

That b*rned in my heart.

-Okay, fine.
I'm in too.

You guys do have a hose, right?

Fox: No.

Mary: Oh, mike,
get down off there!

You'll break your neck.

-I'm testing
the smoke detectors.

I gotta do a ride-along
with the cops tonight

So I can't be home.

Whole city's liable
to burn down again tonight.

Adult mark [v.O.]: I came by
my fear of fire honestly.

-St. John's hasn't
b*rned since 1892.

-Because of smoke detectors!
-Mm-hm...

-Every sleeveen
with a pack'a matches

Is gonna be out
roaming the streets tonight!

-Is there anything here
that I can burn?

-Absolutely not!

-Ah, my club's having a party
and it's byob:

"bring your own bonfire."

The b'ys are coming by later on
to collect some stuff,

But we don't have
anything worth burning.

-What about that old thing?

I'm sick of looking at it.

-Oh, I'd love to,
but I can't lift him.

-Not funny.

-I was talking about the chair.
I hate that filthy old thing.

-My chair?

But this is a beautiful antique!

You just don't have an eye
for beautiful things.

I mean, look at
the lines on this thing.

-Will you frig off?!

-[smoke detector beeping]
-it's ugly.

-That chair is off-limits!

-Mike, will you
shut that thing off?!

-I'm trying to!

Mary: [groans]
damn thing!

Pop: Whoa, whoa!

Jeez... Whoa.

Ooh...

Mm-hm...

-You are not
gonna burn my broom!

-However would you get around?

Ah, well!

I suppose I could...

Use these batteries.

I mean,
they may blow up real good.

Fox: One year it got
totally out of control.

It was massive, and like,
they had to call people,

But it was so cool.

[police radio]

-Maybe a bad time
to use your phone?

-Mom?

-Wait.

-Is everything okay?

Officer: And that's
when I caught him

Stealing propane tanks
off'a decks.

-What the hell
has gotten into you?

-I was just gonna throw them in
the bonfire for a laugh, is all.

-Oh my god,
I hates ye staying here!

Nothing but trouble!
Your father frigs off

To cape broyle
and here I am--

-Look, if I catch him
out again tonight--

-That you will not. I'm not
letting you out of my sight!

-Oh, come on!
I gotta be somewhere.

-So?

We were all
gonna go to the fire,

But now you shagged that up too!

Officer: You're lucky
I got somewhere to be

Or I'd take ya in.

You're almost 18.

And it won't be the boys home
for him then.

[police radio]

-Look, ever since
his father took off,

It's been one thing
after another.

I'm on my last nerve!

-Mom can't take
much more of this.

It's not fair to her.

And you could go to jail.

-[laughs]
they won't press charges

If they knows
what's good for 'em.

I got friends now, ya know?

Listen, I need you
to do something for me.

-Oh, frig off!

My friends seen that cop car.

Do you know
how embarrassing that is?

-Fine,
I'll get our brother to do it.

-No, no.

Leave him alone.

That's just what
mom needs now, huh?

He's trying to stay
out of trouble.

-I just need something
picked up is all, okay?

If I'm not there to get it,
I will be in a lot of trouble.

-Oh, yeah?
Worse than the cops?

-Yeah.

Last time, okay?
I swear.

And then I'll be good.

For mom.

♪

Adult mark [v.O.]:
A thousand scenarios

Played through my mind,
each one worse than the last.

-Maybe someone broke in.

-I don't think robbers
rob other robbers.

-Uh, hey! What's up?
I mean in general.

Whatever's going on
is none of our business.

Unless you wanted to share--

-I need to go get something.

-We're gonna miss the bonfire!

-I've gotta go get a package.

My brother's in trouble.

-I thought I saw a cop car.
Is he--

-Not that.
Worse.

If you had to do something bad

But it was to protect someone
that you care about...

Is it still bad?

-Yes.

[police radio]

-Maybe you should tell an adult.

-Forget it.
I'll just do it myself.

-Whatever it is,
he probably deserves it.

Adult mark [v.O.]:
Wherever she was going

Was more dangerous
than any bonfire.

But like a moth to a flame,
I couldn't help myself.

-Wait, you can't be serious!

-I'd do it for you too!

-I still haven't
even called home!

Guys...

Wait up!

-There ya are.
-Let's go, c'mon.

-You just missed your friends.

-Oh.

Did you give 'em
something to burn?

-Yup.

-You didn't!

-Told you I was
sick of lookin' at it.

-You're gonna have
to take me down there!

I gotta stop them!

-Oh, don't be so foolish.
I'll get ya another chair.

-There's more to that chair
than meets the eye.

Come on!

-Fine.

I actually can't wait
to watch that thing burn.

-Mike critch, vocm news,
on a ride-along with the police

As they patrol the horrific
hellfire, the flood of flame,

The destructive dystopia,
of bonfire night.

Stay inside, dampen your walls.

Mike critch, vocm pyro-patrol.

Adult mark [v.O.]: I'd never
seen anything like it.

Part block party,
part wicker man.

-It's not safe.

-You think it's safer to stay
here and play with fire?

-Yes.

There's more than
one way to get b*rned.

-Think of it as a quest.

Like lord of the rings.

-I didn't read
lord of the rings.

How does it end?

-I don't know.
I didn't read it either.

-Hey!
Stop yer gawkin'.

Come on, will ya?

♪

♪

-Okay, this is a shortcut.
We can hop the fence.

-Why can't we just go around?

-It's twice as far that way.

You need to call home, right?

-There's no way
I'm climbing that.

-It's easy. See?
A baby could climb this.

-Okay...

Fox: Would you hurry up?

Ritche: It's not even high.

-Will you stop arseing around?

Adult mark [v.O.]: I had
the upper body strength

Of a jellyfish.

-Ritche: Come on, mark!
-Thanks, ritche.

-Ritche: You're almost there!
-Mark: Alright...

Ooh...

Oh!

Fox: Finally!

Okay, your turn.

-Oh, yeah.
I'm okay, thank you!

♪

♪

[fabric tears]

-Mark: Ah, come on.
-I'm stuck!

-Okay, well,
just rip them, then.

-These are my school pants!

-Come on.

You can get over.

-Ow, the wire!

-Okay, we have to leave him.

-We can't do that.

-We can get him on the way back.

-"the needs of the many
outweigh the needs of the few."

-Or the one.

-Ugh,
everyone I know is an arse!

♪

-Can you call home for me?

I don't know what
all the fuss is about.

That chair looks like
it's been b*rned twice already!

-No, but it did survive a riot.
-Hm?

-Yes, it was 1932,
before we joined canada.

We had our own prime minister
then, sir richard squires.

Not that it did us any good.

He was a fox in the henhouse.

The people were starving.

It started as a protest,
but things got out of hand.

They were out for blood.

Me too.

[loud clamour]

♪

Pop: There's something
about being in a mob

That makes you fearless.

And something about youth
that makes you stupid.

Young pop: Get outta here,
ya coward!

[loud clamour]

♪

Pop: The prime minister escaped
disguised as a woman.

He barely
got away with his life.

Me?

I got away with his chair.

-Why the hell didn't
you tell us that before?

-I was never gonna admit
to having stolen goods!

That chair is hot!

And it's about
to get even hotter!

Come on, step on it!

-Go!
-[tires squeal]

-Sorry.
-Just be careful.

I think I'll put my belt on.

♪

♪

♪

-What's in this package?

-I didn't ask.

I didn't want to know.

-I think we both know.

You can always tell my dad.

Or officer butt?

-Cops aren't there to
help people like me, mark.

You don't have to do this.

-If you do, I do.

♪

♪

-I'm scared.

Adult mark [v.O.]: I had
an chance to show her

I could be a bad boy.

I was an actor.

All I had to do was...
Act tough.

-Allow me.

My brother rented
a cheech and chong movie once.

♪

♪

[knocking]

-What do ye want, youngsters?

-Hello, sir.

My name's mark.

Uh, this is my associate, fox.

And, uh,
we're here for the, uh...

"package."

-My brother sent me
to pick it up.

-How old are you?

-Sixteen.
-Thirteen.

-[laughs]

Oh, your brother's an arse.

♪

♪

Adult mark [v.O.]:
For a drug dealer,

He sure was bad at
keeping plants alive.

-Nice hideout you got here.

Uh, I mean, apartment.

-So, do you have it or not?

-What's the rush?

Chill out.

-Yeah. What is the rush?

We pick up packages
all the time.

My street name is
"the mailman."

-What are you doing?
-I don't know.

[tv show playing]

-[chuckles]

-What happened
to all your knives?

-We got places to be, ya know?

-[sighs]

So, where's your brother?

-His mom said
he wasn't allowed out.

-He's busy!

Adult mark [v.O.]:
And with that,

I was a drug dealer.

♪

-Don't you want to check it?

♪

-A little light?

-It's fine.

-I'm gonna level with you.

Normally, the only joint
I roll is my ankle.

The only grass
I'm hooked on is degrassi.

Am I right?

You know, I would,
but asthma.

If I was a seabird,
I'd be a puffin.

-Do you always talk this much
when you're scared?

-Yes.

-Come on, let's go.

-Okay.

Wow!
This has been a hoot.

-You tell your brother I don't
like being made a fool of.

Mark: Bye-bye!

Fox: Let's go, come on!

Adult mark [v.O.]:
We ran outside to find

The world had gotten
a little darker.

Fox: Come on, let's go!

Mark: Ooh, a beetle!

Mike jr: It's bonfire night,
folks.

Have fun,
but remember, be safe.

Now, let's check in
with mike critch

To see where the action is.

Mike sr: Oh, the humanity!

Everywhere we look, the sea
of flames threatens to blaze

Into a towering inferno.

For the love of god, stay home
and avoid this pagan pyre!

Mike critch,
in the vocm pyro-patrol cruiser.

[officer butt snoring]

-Okay...
Coming up, we have

Talking heads with
"burning down the house,"

Followed by billy joel with
"we didn't start the fire."

But first, john mellencamp
with "paper in fire,"

Only on your hot rock station,
vocm!

["paper in fire" playing]

Adult mark [v.O.]:
I was on a natural high.

The rush of bonfire night
and carrying narcotics

Was better than
any ferris wheel.

I wasn't afraid
of fire anymore.

Like steel, the fire
had only made me stronger.

-Did you hear me?
I was like miami vice.

I really held my own.

I think he liked me!

Fox: Come on,
we're almost there!

Mark: Wait, we gotta go back
and get ritche.

Fox: After!

I don't wanna be
walking around with this thing.

♪

-We could always
throw it in there.

It's not gonna do him
any good to get it.

♪

-He swore it was the last time.

-Well, maybe the last time
should have been the last.

♪

[police siren]

-Oh, no.
-Crap! Run!

-Mark?

What are you doing here?
Hop in, we'll give ya a lift!

-Uh... No, dad, it's okay.
Really, we're...

-Nonsense.

It's practically a riot here.

You could get yourself k*lled.

♪

♪

♪

♪

-Push aside the propane tanks
in the back there, youngsters.

-Oh, fox?

You dropped your sandwich.

-Thanks.

Adult mark [v.O.]:
Little did they know

That as they made
their way through traffic,

They were trafficking.

♪ like paper in fire... ♪

♪

-Seamus, no!

♪

-Pop, no!

♪

I don't care
whose arse sat in it.

It's not worth
getting k*lled over

Even if it belonged
to the prime minister.

-But it belongs to me !

Look, when I moved in
with you and mike,

I... I only had
the clothes on my back.

Even my bed
belonged to young mike.

That chair is the only thing in
that house that belongs to me.

I own it!

-Oh, for frig's sake.

♪

♪

♪

♪ so green fields
turn to brown ♪

♪ like paper in fire ♪

Adult mark [v.O.]:
Old furniture doesn't

Have to be worth anything
to be priceless.

Like pop, they don't
make 'em like that anymore.

["paper in fire"
playing on car radio]

[switches radio off]

-Now, listen, fox.

Your brother's been hanging
around with a hard crowd.

Your other brother's
no prize either.

You don't need to end up
like them, you hear me?

-Now, gary, she's a good kid.

You're not gonna get tangled up
with that crowd, are ya, fox?

-No, sir.

Goodnight.

Thanks.

-Do anything fun?

-No.

-Good.

It's dangerous out there.

♪

♪

-Cops! What the hell?
-Shut up. Just take it.

-Sweet!

No.

No.
Oh god, you idiot!

-What's wrong?
-It's oregano, stupid!

-He played you!
-Where are you going?

-I gotta fix this.
-You can't leave!

-It's fine. Mom's on the wine.
She's asleep.

-You said it was the last time!
Don't!

[door slams]

♪

[fire crackling]

[pop chuckles]

-Mary: Hey!
-Pop: Ah!

Adult mark [v.O.]:
Something draws us

To gather around the fire.

Its beauty, its warmth...

-It's a bit dangerous,
a bit hot.

Mary: Oh, jeez...

♪

Adult mark [v.O.]:
But if you play with fire,

You'll get b*rned.

-Where's your brother?

He's not in his room.

[knock on door]

-Oh.

-I warned him.

-It's all my fault.

I fell asleep.

[crying]

-Idiot.

Adult mark [v.O.]: Maybe we're
not drawn to the fire at all.

Maybe we're drawn
to the people around it.

-Hey.
-Hi!

Is... Everything okay?

-I'm done with him.

♪

Adult mark [v.O.]: Sometimes,
to save yourself,

You have to let it all burn.

♪

♪

♪

♪

-Aw, g*ng's all here.

Where's ritche?

-Ritche!

-Guys?

[coyote howling]

-Guys!

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪

♪