01x07 - Hello Rosie!

[bunniefuu]

[opening credit music]

[Niffty]
So, like, where are your wings?

Niffty, I don't have...

[Angel] Did you ever think maybe
she's sensitive

about her lack
of wings,

just like her lack of tits?

Yeah. Where are your tits?

[sighs]
Any other questions?

[Husk]
I got one.

How come every time
Charlie talks to Heaven

we get in
deeper and deeper sh*t?

[Vaggie]
It's not her fault.

Angels are just...

- Liars?
- [Vaggie]...difficult

But Charlie's trying her best.

[Husk] Yeah, well, her best
is turning out real well so far.

[Angel] And where is
miss fearless leader anyway?

Isn't it about time for
another "doomed-to-fail" plan?

She's upstairs.

Coming up with
something, I'm sure,

in our room.

- [Vaggie] Alone.
- [sinister music]

[Alastor] Hmm.

[melancholy music]
[Charlies cries softly]

Oh, Charlie,
you look an absolute mess.

Ugh, go away, Alastor.

Now, now, is that any way to act
after picking a fight with all of Heaven and

and dooming
everyone you love?

I have enough on my mind

without hearing your sadistic
idea of a joke, assh*le.

[Alastor] Who's joking?
[Charlie jumps]

[Charlie] Aaagh!

You have a c*ptive audience
downstairs waiting to hear

what kind of inspiring
performance you have planned next.

Ugh, I can't.

How can I face them
after failing them all so hard?

They came here to be saved and
all I gave them was more pain.

I'm just as bad as
the cruelest Overlord in Hell.

And maybe worse.

At least they don't go
around giving false hope.

Well, I never expected to
see such a miserable display

of self-loathing from you.

Oh, f*ck you, Alastor.

All you do is stand there,
smiling while you watch us struggle and fail.

I don't know how you can enjoy
all this suffering so much.

[Alastor chuckles]

Just because you see a smile,

don't think you know
what's going on underneath.

A smile is
a valuable tool, my dear.

It inspires your friends,
keeps your enemies guessing,

and ensures that no matter what
comes your way, you're the one in control.

But I'm not.

I'm the farthest
thing from in control.

The person I trust most
has been lying to me for years.

Heaven refuses to listen.

Even if they did,
I can't prove the hotel works.

Adam has an invincible
exorcist Army pointed right at my doorstep

and there's nothing I can do
[thuds]

[shouts] about any of it.

[sinister music]

[sing-songy] I know
something you don't know.

[Charlie] Huh?

Those big, scary angels are not
quite as indestructible as they seem.

What are you talking about?

Just that you and
your little band of misfits

might stand more of a chance
than you think.

[desperately]
How? I'll do anything.

Anything?

Then... let's make a deal.

You...
[pensive music]

You want my soul?

[sinisterly]
Your soul?

[brightly]
Heavens, no.

All I need from you
is one itty bitty favor.

What's a favor between friends?

I won't hurt anyone for you.

Who's asking! One favor,
at a time of my choosing,

here you harm no one.

In return,
I tell you what I know.

Do we have a deal?

[growling]

[Charlie] Deal.

[ominous music]

[Vaggie] No. No!
[tense music]

[door slams open]
[Vaggie strains]

[Alastor] Right on cue!

[Vaggie] What did
you do? Let her go!

- Vaggie, Stop!
- What?

[spear clinks on the ground]

No, Charlie,
please tell me you didn't...

[oppressive music]
I made a deal with Alastor.

[pleads]
Charlie.

[Alastor]
Oh, calm down.

She still owns her soul.

He gave me info that can save
the hotel, but we're going to need help.

The angels can be defeated,
and Carmilla is the key.

What? Carmilla Carmine?

She k*lled an exorcist
in the last extermination.

She knows how
they can be harmed.

But...
[tense edgy music]

I... I didn't even
know that was possible.

[Charlie] If you did,
would you have told me?

Charlie, I...

I need you to go to her,
convince her to teach us.

[gentle music] If
she can, we might have a chance.

With just the seven of us?

No, we're...

ugh, we're going to
need numbers too.

And I know just who can help.

As long as Charlie can be her
normal, charming self.

What's that you said
about smiles?

[Alastor] Good girl.

[quietly] Charlie,
can we talk about this...

[Charlie]
We can talk later. Right now,

we have a job to do.

- You with us?
- [Vaggie sighs]

Ugh.

[grim music]

[Angel] So, uh,
Alastor and Charlie just left

like they were runnin' away
from their responsibilities.

Should
we be alarmed?

[Vaggie] No.

We have a plan,

but it includes defending
ourselves against the angels.

Uh!
Are you f*cking high?

- They can be k*lled...
- [Egg Boi Frank] Yeah.

That Kn*fe lady,
Camaro Carfight, k*lled one!

[Vaggie] Wait.
You knew about this?

Oh, yeah.

I told Boss about it months ago.

He what?

[Sir Pentious] What? They say
insane sh*t all the time.

How was I supposed to know
this one was true?

Bank accounts are a scam created
by the shadow government.

- See!
- [Vaggie sighs]

What's important now is
that we're gonna have a fight on our hands.

Look, this hotel's about to become
the most dangerous place in Hell, and we...

I... can't
guarantee your safety anymore.

[foreboding music] I still
believe in Charlie's dream.

I know this place can work...
but none of you signed up for this.

I'm going to go
learn how we can fight back.

But when I come home...

Well I'll understand.
if none of you are here.

[Angel sighs heavily]

[Sir Pentious]
Well, this is awkward.

[Niffty] 'Kay!

[Charlie]
Three years.

Three years I've been
sharing my life with her.

And I tell her everything.

My hopes, my dreams,
my insecurities, my embarrassing habits.

What f*cking deodorant I like.

And she keeps
something like this from me.

Why would she lie for so long?
Does she think I wouldn't accept her?

What about me, ME, says un
understanding...

misunderstanding?

Disunder... Wait, w-where are we?

[Alistor]
Cannibal Town!

There's a friend of mine
I think you should meet.

In Cannibal Town? But it's...

It's... surprisingly nice here.

Isn't it, though?

And it's all thanks
to a very special someone.

[Rosie] Well, who hasn't
thought about eating their first husband?

I certainly would have
if he didn't taste so bad!

Haha!

I tell you what.

You bring old, tall,
dark and armless to me,

and I'll straighten them right out,
okay sweetie? Now here's my card and...

[gleefully] Oh
my stars. Do my eyes deceive me?

Alastor? Alastor!

Where have you been?

These halls really lost some of
their sparkle without your lively presence and...

Oh. Who's this
you brought with you?

Come now, Alastor,
She's much too young for you.

Oh, I'm just kidding.

- I know you're an ace in the hole.
- [Alastor] A what now?

[Rosie] But where
are your manners Mister?

[light music]
Introduce us, why don't you?

[Alastor]
Ah, yes, Charlie. This is Rosie.

The most darling, delightful,
and dangerous Overlord

this side of the pentagram.

Oh, always such a charmer.

And, Rosie,

It's my pleasure to introduce
you to Princess Charlie Morningstar,

daughter of Lucifer
and heir to the throne of Hell.

How do you do?
[laughs awkwardly]

Well, well,
isn't this a regal surprise?

Come in, come in.

Can I offer
you something to eat?

I'm sure I have a leg
around here or something.

Oh, what am I thinking?
Small thing, like you.

You're probably
watching your figure.

How about some nice
pinky fingers instead? Oh.

Ummmm, no, no. Thank you,
though. [laughs awkwardly]

Oh, look at you, so polite!

Alastor, you could
learn a thing or two.

Well, sit down. Sit down.

Tell Auntie Rosie
what she can do for you.

You know, Alastor,
I got a primo connect on a guy

with about eight blocks of
territory and not enough g*ons to run it.

Prime pickings for a deal
to be made, my friend.

I appreciate the offer,
but we're here on business of another kind.

Well, don't keep me in suspense.

I'm a very busy woman.

[Charlie] Well, as you know,

[frantically] the extermination
is coming early.

It'll be here in a month.

And they're coming for
my hotel and my friends first.

- and I, I, I, I, I, I...
- [Alastor] We need your help.

Well, your cannibals' help
at least, to fend off the att*ck.

Wow! When you ask a favor,
you don't start small, do you, Your Highness?

Oh, now, don't fret.

I didn't say I wouldn't help,
but I assume there's

more to this plan than
a bunch of unarmed cannibals.

Oh, your people will be far from
helpless when we're done with them.

And by the end,
they will be able to eat

[menacingly]
their fill!

[light music] Well,
in that case, sure. Why not?

- Really?
- What can I say?

I like your moxie, girl.

And old Alastor has
never done me wrong before.

Oh, thank you.
Thank you. Thank you.

- [struggles]
- [banging]

[shouts]
Carmine!

Carmine, we need to speak.

I know what you did
on extermination day.

We can talk about it inside,
or I can yell about it out here.

[door clanks open]

f*ckin' right you open
that door. [door slams shut]

- [eerie music]
- [Vaggie] Hello?

[Carmilla's voice echoes]
You have 2 minutes

to convince me
not to silence you for good.

[dramatic music]

Miss Carmine, I'm here on
appointment from the princess

to enlist your aid in the defense
of Hell from the angelic extermination.

We know an angel fell at your
hands and we need to know how.

- [Carmilla] No!
- What do you mean, no?

- The princess of Hell...
- [Carmilla] Means nothing to me.

You have to do better than that.


[Vaggie] With your knowledge,
we wouldn't have to helplessly stand by while...

[Carmilla] Clearly I am
not the helpless one here.



[tense music]
Well, then why?

Why wouldn't you use
what you know to fight?

To avoid the very problem you and
your little friends are facing right now.

I will not invite destruction
into my house, on my people.

[Vaggie]
You think we asked for this?

All Charlie has ever done is try to
make things better to help her people who,

news flash,
include your people too.

And how exactly has that
worked out for her?

[music crescendos]


We didn't pick the fight,
but it's here now.

And they aren't
going to stop with us.

You didn't see
the look on their leader's face.

With us out of the way,

it's only a matter of time
before they come for the rest of you.

They won't stop
until all of Hell is wiped out,

so you can help us
make a stand here together,

or you can stand alone tomorrow.

And what do you think
your chances will be then?

[Carmilla] You're out of time.

[grunts]
[blade sings]

[rousing fight music]

Angels att*ck quickly,
viciously, and without mercy.

You'll need to defend
better than that. [sombre music]

[Rosie through megaphone]
Cannibals and Cannibettes,

assemble in the square.

Now, darling,
you know I would do anything,

anything for my clients,

but I can't exactly command

all of Cannibal Town to
follow someone else into battle.

Now, don't get me wrong,

they love carnage and bloodshed,

but to get this group into line,
you got to win 'em over.

[through megaphone]
Settle in!

Settle in! Important meeting.
- [crowd murmurs]

- [Charlie] But how do I...
- With sparkle! Razzmatazz

[light music] and that oh
so appealing moxie of yours.

Shouldn't be a problem.

It's not like you've ever failed
to inspire before.

[Charlie groans]

Now, fair warning.

This group sticks together.

So in order to convince any of
them, you'll need to convince all of them.

And there's one in particular...

[Alastor] Uuuugh, Susan.
- [Rosie] Susan,

who's a bit of an... uh...

- [Alastor] Ornery old bitch?
- [Rosie] That!

She's tough, but win
her over and the rest will be easy as pie.

- Ready?
- I guess.

Everyone we have a very special,
very royal guest this evening!

Please put
your bloody hands together for

Princess Charlie!

[shouting from crowd]
Booooo! Bring Rosie back!

Susan?

[both] Susan.

[P.A system feeds
back] [crowd mumble]

[laughs nervously]
Sorry. Uh, okay,

- uh, my name's Charlie, and...
- [Susan heckles] Booooo!

- Well, I run this hotel with my part...
- Get off the stage

- you blue blood bitch!
- ...well someone and...

- Booo!
- Wait, let me start over.

We don't give a sh*t about some
hotel.

Angels are coming to k*ll us all
and we need help defending our realm.

leave before I eat those big
ass eyes of yours.

So... we, uh... we need
your help...

[Susan still heckling]
Boo! Get off.

[Charlie] With your assistance,
we can make a stand for...

[Susan] Where's the showmanship?
- [Charlie sings] I... I have a dream...

- Where's all the finesse? Fuckin mediocre!
- [Charlie] and I...

[Charlie screams]
f*ck You! You old bitch!

[cannibal crowd gasp]

[Rosie] Okay!

we'll be back after
a brief intermission.

[dramatic fight music]

[Vaggie strains]

[spear slashes]

[Vaggie] f*ck!
Ow!

[thuds]
Aaagh!

Come on,
what is this?

You want me to teach
you how to b*at angels?

That's what I'm doing.

By b*ating the sh*t out of me?
I'm not used to fighting with long hair.

[Carmilla] By showing
you the flaws in your own fighting style.

Yours and all your sisters'.

Wait...
you know I'm an exorcist?

- How?
- You have a giant X over your eye

and wield an angelic spear.

It's not rocket science.

Before you found out about me,
did you know angels could be harmed?

No.
[dramatic music]

That shows in how you fight.

You leave yourself
open with every swing.

You fight like
someone unafraid of harm,

and this is what
you'll take advantage of.

Angels wield no shields,
little armor and fight with reckless abandon.

- Strike them here, here, and here.
- Argh.

With what?

Some secret w*apon of yours?

Stupid girl,
are you really so dense

you don't realize
you're holding the answer?

Angelic weapons?
It's that simple?

[huffs] How has no
one else figured this out?

Angelic steel isn't common,

and those who have it aren't exactly
rushing off to test it against exorcists.

[Carmilla] When my daughters and
I were cornered in that last extermination

I tried to buy time for
my girls to flee, and well...

you don't become an angelic
arms dealer without arming yourself first.

[grunts]

[Spanish guitar plays]

[Latino style upbeat music]

♪ I see you're driven
by your detestation

♪ Your every step is
stoked with animus ♪

♪ You need a different
type of motivation ♪

♪ Or there's no way
that you can handle this ♪

♪ I know you're thirstin' for
vengeance Vaggie ♪

♪ You're out for blood ♪

♪ But you'll only stand a chance
if you're out for love ♪

♪ Out for love ♪

♪ Love ♪

♪ Think of who you care about ♪

♪ Protect them and be out ♪

♪ For love ♪

♪ Love ♪

♪ You're gonna fight
without gloves long as ♪

♪ You're out for love ♪

♪ Fuel yourself
with the fear of losin' ♪

♪ That somebody who's
your reason to live ♪

♪ Harness your heart and you
can't help choosin' ♪

♪ To fight with
all you can give ♪

♪ I know you're thirstin'
for vengeance Vaggie ♪

♪ You're out for blood ♪

♪ But you'll only stand a chance
if you're out for love ♪

[music changes key and soars]
♪ Out for love, love ♪

♪ Think of who you care about
protect 'em and be out ♪

♪ For love ♪

♪ Love ♪

♪ You're gonna fight without gloves
and when that push comes to shove yeah ♪

♪ You just might rise above
long as you're ♪

♪ Out for love ♪
[song ends]

[Carmilla] Well, look at that.
You might just survive this.

We're going to
need more weapons.

[Rosie] Alright, what has
you so out of sorts, darlin'?

You clearly got more on
your mind than angels.

[Charlie sighs]
[despondent mood music]

What do you do
when someone you love

lies to you about who they are?

Romance? My specialty.

C'mon, dearie, details, details!

My girlfriend is an exorcist
angel... and she never told me.

Oh, sh*t.

Quite a secret.

How does that make you feel?

[whimpers]
Just... angry...

because we share everything!

Because she always supported me,
and my ideas,

and now I don't know whether
or not that was just more of the lies...

[gasps]

Oh, no, that's a horrible
thing to think! Do I think that?

Yes!
N... No?

Kinda?

[sighs and sobs]

[Rosie] You said
you love this girl?

[melancholy music]
Yes... Or, well, I...

- Yes.
- [Rosie] Aw.

Have you ever once doubted
that she loves you in return?

Well, then what's the problem?

She took part in the very thing
we've been working so hard to end.

Well...

Isn't that silly hotel
of yours all about redemption?

...Yes?

Perhaps this girl was
trying to redeem herself too?

She knows better than
anyone that I believe in second chances.

Why not tell me?

It can be difficult to admit
to things you're not proud of,

especially if those things hurt
the ones you love.

She f*cked up, sure.

She's flawed,

but hey, who down here isn't?

If there's anything
I've learned, it's that words

are cheap, but actions,

they speak the truth.

So, what have her actions said?

That she believes in me
and what we're doing.

Right now she's off learning how
to protect everything we've worked for...

and I can't even
pitch my hotel right.

Well, how do
you normally explain your hotel?

By singing...
but that never works.

It will work here.
Trust me.

[crowd chatter indistinctly]

[soft music]

♪ Have you ever
wanted something that ♪

♪ Was so clear in your mind
that you could taste it ♪

[Susan] You
mean like human flesh?

Eugh, sort of.

♪ It's a feeling like a rumbling
in your gut that you could finally ♪

♪ Be faced with
a billion needy faces ♪

♪ I guess what I mean to say is
for the first time in my life ♪

♪ I might have to be ready
for this ♪ [music builds]

♪ Ready to be the one
who's leading from the front ♪

♪ Gotta come into my own
gotta come into my throne ♪

♪ Gotta take charge
and defend my only home ♪

♪ And although
I kinda feel unsteady ♪

♪ Now I need to
be ready for this ♪

[upbeat music]

♪ Have you ever felt like you're
willing to die to save the people of your city ♪

[Susan] By die to do
you mean use my teeth to rip flesh apart?

That's a start!

♪ Cause right
now we need a leader ♪

♪ And it seems to me that ♪

♪ Destiny has picked me to
be that if you'll permit me ♪

♪ So who's with me? ♪

♪ Wouldn't it be super
to see more of Hell ♪

♪ Join up now
if you like travel ♪

♪ Come on boys
hop in the saddle ♪

♪ Lotta sights to see
en route to my hotel ♪

♪ Not to
mention the camaraderie ♪

♪ Yes siree you'll
form life-changing friendships ♪

♪ With the folks along the way ♪

[Alastor] ♪ And feast on
all the angels you can eat ♪

♪ Okay ♪

[cannibal crowd exclaim] Free food! I'm in!

[cannibal crowd sing]
♪ It's time now to act ♪

♪ They're on the att*ck ♪

♪ When they move to strike ♪

♪ We will fight biting back ♪

♪ We'll follow
your lead we're eager to feed ♪

♪ We'll sharpen our teeth
for the heavenly feast ♪

♪ From this moment on
you can count on us ♪

♪ To be resolute and ravenous ♪

♪ Our appetites are whet
and we're set to seize the day ♪

♪ So I say oh hey come join
the flesh buffet ♪

[Charlie] ♪ Well,
that's a little violent ♪

♪ Can we tone it down ♪

[Rosie] ♪ Oh don't be
put off by their snarlin' ♪

♪ That's enthusiasm darlin' ♪

[Charlie] ♪ Eh, they just seem
a little murdery right now ♪

♪ Don't worry, honey that's
their thing keep singing ♪

[singing together]
♪ We're super duper grateful ♪

♪ To have you folks aboard ♪

[cannibal crowd] ♪ We can't
wait to taste an angel's wings ♪

♪ Oh, lord... ♪

♪ For the first time in my life
maybe I can be ready for this ♪

♪ I can be the marshal
leading the parade ♪

♪ I can come into my own
and I think I've always known ♪

♪ My destiny could
never be postponed ♪

♪ When Adam brings the battle
here I must appear like I'm ready for this ♪

[Rosie]
♪ They're dancing along ♪

♪ They're singing her song ♪

♪ Surprised, why, I knew
she could do it all along ♪

[singing together]
♪ She's bound to pass the test ♪

♪ As princess of Hell ♪

♪ Like her daddy
she is madly power-fell ♪

♪ She's filled with potential
that I could guide ♪

[Rosie]
♪ I concur ♪

[together] ♪ Stick with her ♪

♪ You'll be on
the winning side ♪

[epic music]

[all singing] ♪ For
the first time in our lives ♪

♪ We know
that we ready for this ♪

[Rosie] ♪ We'll show heaven
a fight they won't forget ♪

[all]
♪ It's time to take a stand ♪

- [Charlie] ♪ It's time to lend a hand ♪
- [crowd] ♪ Huzzah ♪

♪ Against the angels
and their deadly thr*at ♪

[all]
♪ We cannot take it anymore ♪

♪ The time has come to go to w*r
prepare to fight we're ready ♪

[music crescendos]
♪ For This ♪

[softly] ♪ I really
hope that I'm ready for this ♪

[song ends]

[pensive music]

[Vaggie] Looks
like you had a busy day.

- [Charlie] You too.
- [Vaggie] Charlie, I...

Hold that thought.

Err.. Ah! I got you a souvenir
from Cannibal Town.

[Vaggie gasps]

[gentle moody
music] Oh, Charlie.

The wings are new.

They look nice.

Come on, let's go home.

[construction noise]

[Sir Pentious]
Come along,

let's put some effort
into these fortifications.

- [hammering]
- [Angel] Yeah, fortify that...

Well, look
who decided to show up.

We thought we were
fightin' by ourselves.

You're... you're still here?

What? Do you think
we were a bunch of pusssssies?

I just got used to you guys.
[scoffs]

I ain't finding no
new drinking buddies.

I've named all the stains
on the carpet. [giggles]

That one's Fred.

Well, looks like
we have a lot of work to do.

[end credit music]