01x08 - The Show Must Go On

[bunniefuu]

[opening credit music]

[Charlie] Yes
team! Let me see that...

Oh! Niffty, nice side swipe!

Pentious,
like to see that effort.

[Sir Pentious]
Teamwork makes the dream work!

Yes! I heard that once...

- [Niffty] Train, train, train.

[Vox] No f*cking way!

They're going to fight?

Oh, my God. Ha ha ha ha!

Oh. Looks like your little hotel
didn't work out so well.

[chuckles]

Oh Alastor, I cannot
wait to watch you get f*cked!

[sinister laugh, sinister music]

[gentle music]

[Charlie sighs] Oh, I wish
my mom was here to see this.

[Vaggie] The cannibals
seem ready to fight.

Are we?

[Sir Pentious]
Fear not, damsels.

I shall have the staff
ready for victorious combat!

[Vaggie] What in
the hell are you supposed to be?

General Pentious,
reporting for duty.

I'll turn those rapscallions
into soldiers in no time at all.

Thank you, Pen.

What can I do to help?

I'm glad you asked, soldier.

The base needs fortifications.

Reinforce the southern wall.

Create a moat
around the perimeter

to stop a ground as*ault.

[Charlie] How about this?
If you see an angel, s*ab it.

[Niffty]
Oooohh...[evil chuckle]

s*ab! s*ab! s*ab!

- [Angel] Hey, hey, hey, hey.
- [Charlie] Not Him!

[Niffty giggles]

[Vaggie in a drill sergeant
manner] Listen up, sinners!

We got twenty four hours before
the extermination begins

Let's get to work.
[epic music]

[Vaggie] So,
you wanna aim here, here...

- [Vox] Oh, they suck.
- [Sir Pentious] Yes.

Watch this.

[ Vox laughing]
Oh they suck so bad

[epic music continues]
[Vox] Oh, God.

They're going to f*cking die.

They're... They're going to die.

[mic feeds back]
Hello?

I want to thank
everyone for coming.

Even people who aren't
staying here yet... Cherri.

Look, I can't
resist a fight, okay?

Especially when I get to
tag team with this fuckhead.

Tomorrow, the exorcist angels will
face a Hell ready to defend itself and win.

[Vaggie]
Yeah!

Yeah, we will! Tell 'em, baby!

Yes. And we are...
we are going to win!

But in case we don't,

I want you all to know...
that getting to know you

has been
the biggest honor of my life.

Whatever
redemption really means,

[emotive music]
I know you all tried.

I have seen
the good in all of you.

And it's...

I... I'm just...

[gushes]
I love you all... so much,

and... and live tonight
however you want because...

We're all going to die! Hahahah!

[Vaggie] All right,
let's give it up for not dying!

Love not dying!
Drinks?

[Vaggie] I mean, personally, I'm excited.
It's been a long time since I stabbed anyone

and really meant
it, you know what I mean?

- [Cherri b*mb] Cheers, b*tches!
- [Husk] Yeah!

[ice clinks in drinks]
[Angel] Here's to us!

[Sir Pentious] Here's to being
alive today and not dying tomorrow.

- [all cheers]
- [Cherri b*mb] Chug, chug, chug!

[Alastor] Ah, the celebratory
night before a courageous last stand.

It's been a surprising thrill to
witness these wayward souls find connection.

Almost makes one sentimental,
eh Niffty?

I really like them, Alastor.

They let me put on roach
puppet shows without booing!

Ahh, an enjoyable
collective to be around.

I admit one
could get accustomed.

[Niffty] I dub thee King Roach.

Oh, to understand your twisted
little mind. Hahaha.

[both laugh]

Last day of afterlife,
[gentle music]

and you're not off snorting
a line off some hunk's abs?

Ehh, you f*cked one cannibal
pool boy, you f*cked 'em all.

I guess you have changed.

Hey, Charlie said live tonight
however we wanted,

so pour me a fresh one,
and let's get to living.

[Angel chuckles]

[Sir Pentious] Miss b*mb...?

- Cherri?
- Yeah.

[romantic piano music]
I want to tell you... that I...

I love...

I'd love to wish you good
luck in the battle ahead.

Okay.

You are... Have always been a
worthy opponent.

With the most...

brilliant expl*sive contraptions
I've ever seen.

Uh... Thanks?

Anyway, I guess...

[Sir Pentious speaking quickly]
Please don't die tomorrow. Okay. Bye.

[Angel] Ya know,
you could totally tap that.

Tss, don't be gross.
[slurps drink]

Cuz, you know,
I hear he's got two dicks.

...Huh!

[Charlie sobs]
[melancholy music]

- [Vaggie] Charlie?
- [Charlie] Um,

I'm sorry... I'm...

I'm just so scared.

What if we lose?

[romantic ballad music]
♪ You've already done so much ♪

♪ So many lives you've changed ♪

♪ So many souls you touched ♪

♪ And in the end ♪

♪ If it's only me you've saved ♪

[Charlie and Vaggie sing
together] ♪ There's something that ♪

♪ I've been dying to say ♪

[ballad gentle builds]
♪ More than anything ♪

♪ More than anything ♪

♪ Need you to know
I love you more than anything ♪

♪ More than anything ♪

[kissing softly]

[Adam] Extermination Day
is here, b*tches.

We're going to go down
and exterminate demon ass!

[Lute]
Destroy that ass!

Prepare to slaughter
every sinner in that sh*t hotel,

and you all remember, Vaggie?!

[Exorcists] Boo!
[Exorcist] We hate her!

[Lute] Rip Vaggie's
c**t mouth out her ass!

[Adam] Would you just...
ju... chill, Lute. f*ck.

Anyway, whoever brings me
Vaggie's head gets...

Uh... I dunno, a million Heaven
bucks. How about that, huh?

[Exorcists cheer]

Haha, yeah!

Ladies, let's f*ck sh*t up!

[screams in a rockstar style]
att*ck!

[Lute]
FORWARD!

[Exorcists scream]

[sinister music]

Here they come.

Get ready, everyone.

We fight together!

[tense indistinct muffles]

[Niffty giggles]

[Cherri b*mb] Come on, let's go!

[Vox] Oh, oh. Oh.
This is going to be good.

[Vaggie shouts]
NOW! FOR YOUR SOULS!

[w*r cries]

[Charlie]
Let's f*ck them up!

[epic music]
[Metal clashes]

[Cannibal] Arrgh, take that!

[menacingly]
Let the slaughter begin.

[Alastor laughs]

[dramatic music]
[Angel laughs]

[fighting continues]

[Adam] The f*ck?!

[Lute] They appear to
have some kind of shield, sir!

Oh, really? I didn't see this
giant f*cking shield in front of me,

You dumb bitch. No sh*t!

[metal swords clank]

[music soars]

[Adam] That's how they can
k*ll us?! With our own weapons!?

f*cking weak, dude.

[Lute roars]

[machineguns fire]
[Angel laughs]

[Angel]
Come'n get some!

[Cherri b*mb] Eat
shrapnel, f*ckers! [laughs]

All angelic
weapons fire at will!

Hey, yelling while
fighting doesn't help.

[Maniacal laughter]

[Charlie]
Alastor's shield is working!

Trying to focus, sweetie!

We might actually have a chance.

Love the optimism.
Still trying to focus.

[fight effort]

I'm f*cking over this.

[epic music]
[punches]

[sinister epic music]

[gasps]
[Angel] f*ck!

Oh no!

[Adam pants and coughs]
[satisfied laugh]

[music fades]

[Vox] Oh, f*ck!
I am so hard right now.

[pensive music]
[Alastor] Adam.

First man, next to die.

Who the f*ck are you?

Alastor.

Pleasure to be meeting you.

Quite a pleasure.

[music starts to crescendo] I'm
about to end your f*cking life.

Nice voice. Don't
you know jazz is for pussies?

[dramatic music]

[fight effort]

Nah ah ah!

You really think
you can take me on?

A mortal soul is no
match for me, edge-lord.

[Alastor] You should know better
than anyone what a soul can accomplish

when they take
charge of their own fate.

[Adam] Arrgh!

Ohohoho, think
you're tough sh*t, huh?

[Alastor] Tougher than you!

Hahahaha! You lack
discipline, control, and worst,

[menacingly]
you're sloppy!

And you're... f*ck...

f*ck you... you red piece of f...

too much f*cking red... f*ck...

Shut up!

[Alastor] Hahaha! Poetry.

Grr, I'm going to wipe that sh*t
eating grin off your face

'cause radio is f*ckin' dead!

What just happened?

Ffffuck.

[Alastor] Arrgh!

[groans]

[Vox] Yes!! f*ck you Alastor!

Ha ha ha ha.

This is better than sex.

Have to disagree with you there.

Radio's not dead,

but it is ending this broadcast.

[Adam laughs]
Bye, bitch.

No! f*ck you,
f*ck you, f*ck you!! p*ssy.

Right flank advance!
Left flank, watch your six.

Ladies! There are
more coming up on your right.

Get ready for them Vagatha!

Not my name! But, got it.

[Charlie] Sorry! Sorry.

[Charlie] Sorry...

Sorry, sorry!

[Vaggie] Now's not
the time for that babe!

Oh, right.

Die m*therf*ckers!

[Husk] These f*ckin'
angels won't stop comin'.

- [Angel] Hah!
- Okay, I walked right into that one.

Hold that thought.

[whimpering]

[fight effort]

[Angel laughs]

You alright squirt?

I nearly scrambled myself.

Get somewhere safe.
Arrgh!

[Adam] Suck my holy
light, f*ckers! Yeah!

What? Alastor was
supposed to handle him.

Oh, no, he must be...

[sh*ts blast]

[Vaggie] We aren't going to last
long unless we do something about him.

[Sir Pentious] Of course.

I'm trying to fight here!
You out of your f*cking mind?

Yes.

[expl*si*n]
[romantic music]

Miss Cherry b*mb,

I love you.

Remember meeee!

That was kind of hot.

[Sir Pentious] Eggs,
activate thrusters, and charge the death ray.

Yes, sir.

Pentious?

[Angel] That crazy m*therf*cker.

[Egg Boi] Target in range.

Fire.

[Adam] Oh, whoop!

[expl*si*n]
[chuckles]

That coulda been ugly.

[Charlie screams] Noooo!

[despondent music]

- [Angel] f*ck...
- [Charlie sobs] No.

- [Angel] You did good, buddy.
- [Charlie] No, no, no.

[Vaggie]
Charlie, I'm so sorry.

[Charlie growls]

Razzle! Dazzle!

[dramatic music]

[Dragon roars]

[Charlie] Let's ride.

[Husk] Yeah! Get 'em!

[epic music]

[Charlie] Forward!

Go, Razzle, go!

Oh, look
who thinks they're bad ass now.

[Lute chuckles]
The traitor came to die.

[dragon roars]
[Vaggie] No!!

[glass smashes]

[Vaggie groans]

[Lute]
Before I take your life,

I'm going to tear that other eye
out of your face.

Try it, bitch.
[fight bell dings]

[swords clank]

[Vaggie and Lute strain]

[vaggie screams]

[intense music]
[strains]

Vaggie!

Surprise, bitch!

[Charlie screams]

[thud]

[Adam] Risking
your immortal life for sinners?

That's some crazy sh*t,
even for Lucifer's brat!

[emotive music]
These sinners are my family.

[mocking]
"These sinners are my famwy."

Do you even hear yourself?

You shoulda stayed
in your place, girlie...

Arrgh! sh*t!
[Charlie roars]

[glass smashes]

[Charlie] That's Princess
of Hell to you, pig!

The f*ck? That hurt.

[tense music]

Heh hahaha, okay.

[Vaggie] Arrgh.
[spear clanks to the ground]

[Vaggie strains]

[Lute chuckles]
You always were weak.

[Vaggie yelps in pain]

So I'll spare you the pain
of seeing your demon bitch die.

[Vaggie strains]

[intense music]

[Lute screams]

Do it, then.
Correct your mistake.

Seriously,
you're pathetic, you know that?

Ready to die rather
than accepting mercy?

No, live.

Live knowing that you only do
because I let you...

The failure.

[Charlie
screams in the distance]

[Vaggie gasps]

EeeaaaaaUUUUAAGGHHH!!

[fight effort]
[Adam laughs]

[Charlie] Let... me... go!

This fight was cute n' all,
but it's time to die with the rest of them.

[Charlie chokes]

Charlie!

[Adam laughs evilly]

[thump]
[Adam screams]

[glass smashes]

[music swells]
Dad?

Sorry I wasn't
here sooner, sweetie.

[Adam] Huh? Okay, seriously?

How many of
you freaks do I have to fight?!

[sinister music] Oh,
I'm the only one that matters.

See, you messed
with my daughter,

and now I am going to f*ck you!

[silence]

[Valentino]
Well, this just got interesting.

It's f*ck you "up"... Dad.

Wait, what did I say?
[fight effort]

[energetic music]

So, this is what
you've been up to since Eden?

Gotta say, you really
let yourself go buddy.

[Adam laughs] You judgin' me?
You're the most hated being in all of creation!

Well, your first wife didn't
seem to hate what I had to offer,

or the second.
Bow-chicka-wow-wow.

[Adam] I'll f*ckin' end you!!

Woah, missed me!
[horse whinnies]

Hoohoo, not even close.

Hehehehe! Nice try, douchebag!

[Adam] Hold still,
you slippery fucker!

[fight effort]

[intense dramatic music]

[Charlie] Ahhh!!

[Lucifer] I got you!

- [Adam laughs]
- [Charlie] Dad! Look out!

Huh?

[Charlie strains]

Woah, wait, what the f*ck?!

[dramatic music]

[Adam yells]
[music calms]

[Lucifer] You come
at me, and my daughter,

don't forget you're
in my house bitch! [thumps]

[Lucifer laughs]

Whoa, whoa, Dad.

[gently]
He's had enough.

[Lucifer pants]
Alright.

How's mercy
taste, you little bitch?

[Adam] No...

You don't get to end this.
[pants]

I'm f*cking Adam!
I'm the f*cking man,

and you're just some
f*cking clown or something.

I started everything on Earth.

All of mankind came from
these f*cking nuts.

You all should be worshiping me,

you ungrateful, disgusting,
f*cking losers!

[squelches]
[Adam wails]

[Vaggie] Woah! [Lucifer] Hey,
you got something...

sticking out of your... Your thing there.

[drips]
[Charlie] Niffty?!

s*ab! s*ab! s*ab!
[maniacal laughter]

[Vox] Holy sh*t!

Blood! Ha ha ha!

[emotive music]
Noooo!

Sir?! Sir?!

Stay with me, sir.

[shouts]
Adam!

[Charlie]
It's over.

Take your little friends

[evil shout]
and go home!

[pleasantly]
Please.

[poignant music]
Retreat.

All exorcists fall back.

So... who's up for pancakes?

[news sting]
Good evening.

I'm Katie Killjoy.

- And I'm...
- Nobody gives a sh*t who you are Tom.

Breaking news.
Extermination day is canceled.

Charlie Morningstar managed
to fend off the angelic att*ck

with more than just nice words.

In an unseen turn of events,

our demonic head
honcho Lucifer stepped in

to save his daughter's ass
in the last moment.

We're also hearing reports
that Adam, leader of the Angelic Legions,

first man and
totally fuckable bad boy,

has been slain
by a filthy janitor.

The janitor said, quote,

"Charlie told me
to s*ab, so I did."

Anyway, congrats
to Charlie and her crew

for not being totally
f*cking useless for once.

[gentle melancholy music]

[Charlie] Oh,
there, there. It's...[sighs]

It's okay.

[squeals]

[downbeat music]
[Charlie] ♪ He did it for us ♪

♪ The ultimate sacrifice ♪

♪ He gave me his trust ♪

♪ And look how
we pay the price ♪

♪ This bloodshed
could have been avoided ♪

♪ If I convinced Heaven
to work together ♪

♪ I took a hotel
and I destroyed it ♪

♪ I know I could
have done better ♪

♪ Better instead
of letting you down ♪

[Lucifer] ♪ Come
on little lady ♪

♪ Why the frown? ♪

♪ In the last 10,000 years ♪

♪ You're the first one
to change this town ♪

♪ You can do this ♪

♪ Now I know it ♪

♪ For your story
has just begun ♪

♪ You can't quit now ♪
hell, you owe it ♪

♪ There's still
damage to be undone ♪

♪ You've changed my mind ♪

♪ You've touched their hearts ♪

♪ Found the good
and souls gone bad ♪

♪ The stage is wrecked ♪

♪ The crowd is gone ♪

♪ But by God Charlie ♪

♪ The show it must go on ♪
[music builds]

[all together]
♪ We can do this ♪

♪ We can build it ♪

♪ Best hotel
that you've ever seen ♪

♪ Twice the bedrooms ♪

♪ We can fill it ♪

♪ With more
sinners than you can dream ♪

♪ It starts with you ♪

♪ You know it's true ♪

♪ Fulfill your destiny ♪

♪ So long as I've
got all of you with me ♪

[upbeat pop music]

[Niffty] ♪ To build a hotel
I think we need some brick and lumber ♪

♪ Good thing we're in Hell,
check out this little magic number ♪

[Angel]
♪ Start with foundation ♪

[Lucifer]
♪ A remedial creation for me ♪

[Niffty, Angel and Lucifer]
♪ It's as easy as can be ♪

[Charlie] ♪ No time for cryin'
we got a lot of work to do and ♪

♪ We gotta try and make the best
of what's in ruins ♪

[Vaggie]
♪ New coat of paint ♪

[Husk] ♪ New lights
across the marquee ♪

[Charlie, Vaggie and Husk]
♪ With a little sorcery ♪

[music stabs] [Vox] ♪ After
the battle masterless cattle ♪

[Vox and Valentino]
♪ Overlords hanging by a thread ♪

♪ With a bit of bravado
maybe tomorrow ♪

♪ We'll will be atop the heap ♪

[Valentino] ♪ While
the rest of Hell's pissing ♪

[Vox] ♪ Alastor's missing ♪

[Valentino and Vox] ♪ Fled
with his tail between his legs ♪

♪ Nature abhors a power vacuum ♪

♪ It leaves
room for you and me ♪

♪ The future of
Hell belongs to the Vees ♪

[evil laugh]

[downbeat music]
♪ This place is reeks of death ♪

[Alastor]
♪ There's a chill in the air ♪

♪ And I barely escaped
being k*lled by a hair ♪

♪ " Great Alastor Altruist
d*ed for his friends" ♪

[angrily]
♪ Sorry to disappoint ♪

♪ That is not where this ends ♪

♪ I'm hungry for freedom
like never before ♪

♪ The constraints of my deal
surely you have a back door ♪

♪ Once I figure out
how to unclip my wings ♪

♪ Guess who will be pulling ♪

[Music crescendos]
♪ All the strings ♪ [Laughs]

- [All] ♪ We can do this ♪
- [Charlie] ♪ We can do this ♪

- [All] ♪ We'll be better ♪
- [Charlie] ♪ We'll be better ♪

[All] ♪ Though
redemption may take a while ♪

- [Charlie] ♪ Though it may take a while ♪
- [All] ♪ Wayward sinners ♪

♪ Clear their ledger ♪

[Alastor] ♪ And we're doing it with a smile ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

[Charlie] ♪ We've made
a difference wait and see ♪

[Charlie and Vaggie]
♪ We're gonna do this you and me ♪

[Charlie, Vaggie, Angel and
Husk] ♪ And then tomorrow it will be ♪

♪ A f*ckin' happy day ♪

[All]
♪ In Hell ♪

[song ends]

[ethereal sting]

What...? Where? Where am I?!

Oh, hello.
[Emily squeaks]

[waves splash]

[footsteps approach]

[gentle harp plays]
[Lute] Adam is dead.

Your deal is done
and I'm in charge now.

Your brat is threatening
the very foundation of Heaven.

And if you want to stay here,

you're going down there
and stopping that bitch.

You understand me,

Lilith?
[ominous music]

[end credit music]