01x05 - Episode 5

[bunniefuu]

["Anthem" by N-Joi playing]

[electronic dance music building slowly]

♪ I'm in love with you ♪

♪ Want you to love me too ♪

[crowd cheering]

♪ I'm in love with you ♪

[cheering intensifies]

- ♪ Want you to love me too ♪
- [b*at drops]

[crowd goes wild]

♪ Feel the melody that's in the air ♪

♪ True love can be
Hard to find, find, find ♪

♪ True, true love
Can be hard to find, find, find ♪

- ♪ True, true love can be hard to find ♪
- [woman chuckles]

[Dexter] You're lovely.

[woman laughs]

♪ I'm in love with you ♪

[snorts]

♪ Want you to love me too ♪

[woman chuckles]

[song ends]

- [excited chatter]
- [dance music thumping]

- [Cal] Where the hell did you go?
- Mate!

- Dex, I'm done.
- No, no. Wait.

- Let me tell you a secret about Cal.
- Dex.

[quietly] He didn't get a shag
until he was 22.

[Cal] Don't be a d*ck.

- [laughs]
- [both] Yeah.

Look at him now!

- I'm off.
- [Dexter] No, wait. What time is it?

[Cal] You're a state.

['90s electronic dance music continues]

- [sounds distort]
- [crowd cheering]

[muffled laughter]

[echoing gasp]

[dance music building]

[exhales sharply]

[woman moans softly]

- [dance music cuts out]
- [birds singing outside]

[sighs heavily, swallows]

[brakes squeak in street below]

[exhales dramatically]

f*ck!

[engine revving]

["Something Goin' On"
by Todd Terry playing on car stereo]

♪ Hey ♪

[brakes screech]

- ♪ Feelin' good in every way ♪
- [inhales shakily]

Okay. Okay. Come on.

♪ Hey ♪

- ♪ Feelin' good ♪
- [stereo clicks off]

Mom?

[birds singing]

Hello, hello.
I hope you started without me.

[Alison] Started? You're three hours late.

- [kisses]
- You're sweating.

[Dexter] Blame Prada.

[sighs]

It's synthetic fibers.

Present.

What beautiful wrapping.

Well, it's not me, I'm afraid.

No. Yours come in plastic bags,
when they come at all.

- It's from Emma.
- Lovely Emma Morley?

- How is she?
- Good.

Yeah. She's just got her own little place.

It's tiny.

She's out all the time.

New friends.

Cultured evenings.

- But you're still friends?
- Course.

Well, do thank her for me.

Although you might want
to steer her towards short stories.

Mom.

[Alison] And what about you?

- Are you happy?
- [laughs] I'm having a marvelous time.

- That's not what I asked.
- Look, life is good.

I present a television show, Mother.
I know you never watch it.

I have watched it.

I watched it last week, in fact.

Did you?

And what did you think?

What do you want me to say, Dexter?

I don't care for the program.

Well, it's not for people like you, is it?

I just don't understand why you need
to humiliate people all the time.

- We don't humiliate people.
- "Britain's ugliest girlfriend"?

It's a silly late-night show.

Post pub.

Don't overthink it.

[insects buzzing]

[exhales]

[Dexter] How about...

I'm afraid the afternoon's
rather taken it out of me.

I'm going to go and have to lie down.

Of course. All right.

I was bright as a button at midday.

As the day goes on, I sort of wither.

I'll need some help.

Of course, yeah. Um...

Uh...

[Alison chuckles]

I can walk now.

[gentle instrumental music playing]

I just need your help up the stairs.

[Alison exhales]

- [inhales sharply]
- Oh!

- Sorry.
- [gently] It's all right. It's all right.

[Alison exhales]

[Dexter panting]

Um...

- Shall I open the window?
- Ah, leave it.

Oh, it's... it's just a bit close. [sighs]

- [gentle music fades]
- [birds singing outside]

[breathing deeply]

You're staying the night, aren't you?

Uh, actually,

I... I can't.

I've got plans.

Oh.

[Dexter] It's a film premiere.

- Princess Di will be there.
- Oh, well.

- When Princess Di calls...
- Yeah.

You'll stay for supper, though?

Six o'clock?

Of course. I'll be there.

Sleep well.

Goodbye, darling.

[retching]

[toilet flushes]

- [faucet squeaks]
- [water stops]

[cap pops off]

[Stephen] Oh, you've arrived.

- Where's your mother?
- Sleeping. She was tired.

Where do you think you're going?

[Dexter] To my room.

[sighs heavily]

[exhales]

[mournful acoustic guitar music playing]

[exhales deeply]

[inhales shakily]

[Alison] Dexter.

[muffled] Dexter.

Dexter.

- [louder] Dexter. It's time to wake up.
- [inhales sharply]

[sighs]

- You've missed the whole day.
- What time is it?

After seven.

[Dexter huffs]

I'm afraid your father
is very angry with you.

Well...

[scoffs]

What's new?

Are you?

I'm angry
with everyone these days. [sighs]

Good God.

Did I really wear this?
It's a bit over-the-top, don't you think?

It's beautiful.

[Alison] Mm.

- And you looked beautiful in it.
- [chuckles]

- Even my friends fancied you.
- [laughs] Oh, Dexter!

They did.

[Alison chuckles]

[Dexter sighs]

That's my first tux.

Yes.

You've had everything
you ever could have wanted.

[Dexter clicks tongue]

I know. [sniffles]

And you've done nothing with it.

Mm, what?

Money, schooling.

I've not done nothing. Uh...

Uh... I'm a presenter on a TV show.

I'm a celebrity, actually.

Mom...

[sighs]

I think that you have it in you
to be a fine young man.

Exceptional, even. I always have.

But you're not there yet, Dexter.

You're a long way off.

And I'm afraid the person you have become...

is not very nice.

[Dexter grunts]

I'm sorry.

Mom.

I love you.

- I'll... I'll... I'll stay tonight.
- No, no, no.

- I will. I... I... I want to.
- Dexter.

[Dexter sniffles]

- Come back next time and...
- [sniffles]

...start again.

[items rattle]

[Stephen] I've hidden them.

[Dexter scoffs] You've what?

I've hidden your car keys, Dexter,
because you're drunk.

I... I'm not drunk.

I'm hungover.

That's all!

Why didn't you wake me?

I tried.

Well, you couldn't have tried very hard.

You arrive late,
sleep all day, miss two meals,

and this is somehow my fault?

[Dexter sighs]

You can pick your car up
on Saturday when you're sober.

I'll give you a lift to the station.
Come on.

[clock ticking]

[engine revving]

- [radio clicks on]
- ["The Thunderer" march playing]

[brakes squeak]

[lively John Philip Sousa
m*llitary march continues]

[seat belt clicks]

[radio turns off]

You're a grown man, Dexter.

[breathing shakily]

Your mother loves you very much.

[voice trembling] We both do.

But in whatever time
your mother has left, if you ever...

[inhales sharply]...ever turn up
at our door in that state again,

I will not let you in.

Do you understand?!

[quietly] I... I...

I carried her up the stairs.

So?

I... I put her into bed.

Go home, Dexter.

Now.

[engine starts]

[tires squeal]

[birds chirping]

[train rattling on tracks]

["Save Me" by Joan Armatrading playing]

♪ Sinking ♪

♪ Caught up in a whirling motion ♪

♪ Such a strange sensation ♪

[crow cawing]

♪ The currents, uncertain ♪

♪ Like sails of a mill, I spin ♪

♪ Like wheels, I move in a circle ♪

♪ While you stand on the bank ♪

- ♪ Immune ♪
- [exhales]

♪ Or evasive ♪

♪ Throw me a lifeline ♪

- ♪ Save me ♪
- [exhales, sniffles]

♪ Intimacy and affection, frozen ♪

♪ In this game of chance, I forfeit ♪

♪ Full hand of love with no counters ♪

♪ Like a moth ♪

♪ With no flame to persuade me ♪

- ♪ Like blood in the rain ♪
- [line ringing]

♪ Runnin' thin ♪

- ♪ While you stand on the inside... ♪
- [on recording] Hi, it's Emma.

Leave a message. I'll get back to you
as soon as I can. Thanks.

- [Dexter inhales sharply]
- [line beeps]

[Dexter] Hi there, Emma.

It's Dexter here.

Emma, well, I'm, uh...

I'm calling because I'm... I'm
at this train station near home.

Um... I just came from Mom and Dad's.

And, uh, well...

what are you doing tonight?

I've got... I've got
these tickets to a premiere.

It's Basic Instinct.
Uh, it's meant to be pretty steamy.

[train rattling on tracks]

[Dexter] Princess Di
will be there, apparently.

Well, I mean, probably not, but

maybe. Who knows?

Uh, okay, I'm... I'm waffling now.

Just pick up the phone, Emma.

If you're there... [sniffles]

If you're there, just pick up.

Pick up. Pick up. Pick up.

♪ Affection, frozen... ♪

Oh, sh*t. God, I just remembered.

[groans] You've got your...
your hot date tonight.

Okay, well, give me a call
when you get in.

If you get in.

[sighs]

But seriously, do, um... do call me.

Anytime.

Just been an unbelievably,
unbelievably shitty day, Em.

[sniffles]

Anyway,

you have a great night,

and, uh... [sniffles]

...I want to hear all the details,
you heartbreaker, you.

[exhales sharply]

[shuddering]

[sobbing softly]

[sniffles, crying]

Oh, God. [exhales shakily]

♪ Save me ♪

[song fades]

[indistinct chatter]

[Emma] Hiya.

Hi.

- Oh my... Oh.
- [Ian] Oh. Uh...

Oh. Sorry, can we...

- No, don't do that.
- [Ian] Ah. I f*cked the olives.

Not... Not literally, I hasten to add.

[Emma sighs]

Um... [clears throat]

- Chair or banquette?
- What?

I went for chairs, but would you
have preferred a banquette?

Oh no, a chair is fine. Yeah.

[sighs, clears throat]

Funny word, banquette.

Uh, not really. It's French.

"Bown-ki-et." [chuckles]

It's... Uh, it's just French.

[chuckles nervously]

[sighs]

- Do I have something on my face?
- No. No. It's...

No. You just look... You look so lovely.

Ah, thanks.

You look... You look quite nice as well.

Oh. [chuckles]

Any drinks?

Uh, yeah. I'd love a vodka and tonic.

Very good. Is that a double?

- Oh God, is that too reckless?
- Oh, proceed, fair maiden.

[Emma chuckles]

And for you, sir?

I'll hang on for the wine. Grazie.

- Feel a real warmth from that man.
- [chuckles]

Well, fancy restaurant, rude waiter.

- It's the law.
- You think it's fancy?

Yeah, quite fancy.

[grunts enthusiastically]

- Do you know what you want yet?
- Ooh... [clears throat]

- Minute steak looks good.
- [Emma] Mm.

Or is that minute steak?

As in, is it cooked for 60 seconds?
Or is it just a really small steak?

I'm sure you can check when you order.

[clicks tongue] How about you?

[in funny voice] Penne for your thoughts?

[water running]

- "Penne for your thoughts."
- [faucet squeaks closed]

[under breath] Idiot.

[exhales deeply]

I got you a beer. You like beer, right?
We can swap if you like.

Miss Morley, you trying to seduce me?

Mm. I'm trying to sedate you.

Stop being so nervous, right?
It's only me.

Your old mucker from London's
second-worst Mexican restaurant.

Second worst?

[Emma] Mm-hmm.

- Time Out, last week.
- Oof.

I loved working there.

- ♪ La cucaracha, la cucaracha... ♪
- No.

No. No. Stop. It took me six months
to get that out of my head.

Yeah, but don't you find yourself
doing the steps?

You'd be stood waiting for the bus,
then your feet start going...

[singing tune to "La Cucaracha"]

No. No. Stop. Stop.

And just to be clear,
so there's no arguments later,

we are going Dutch tonight.

- Emma, no.
- It's 1992, for Chrissake.

- A woman can pay for her half of dinner.
- Yeah, but you're not a woman.

I mean, uh... You are a woman,

but you're... you're a student.
That's... That's what I meant.

[in singsong] Not for much longer.

I had my first job interview today
to teach English and drama.

Oh?

How'd it go?

Yeah, good.

Yes!

Would you like a wine to suit the meal?

[both] Um...

[Ian] Yes.

[chuckles] Uh...

"A voluptuous mouthful of forest fire

with a back note
of exploding toffee apple."

Never anything unexpected, is it?

Flavors of bacon Wotsits
with a succulent back note of giraffe.

- [Emma] Ian?
- Yeah?

Stop.

Might I suggest the Valpolicella?

Mm. Oh...

[murmurs]

Blackberries and vanilla, it says here.

Do you like blackberries and vanilla?

[inhales sharply]

[whispers] I love them.

[Ian chuckles softly]

[both laugh]

So you did it. You said
you were gonna do it. You did it.

Well, I mean, hey. Don't be fooled.

There's actually real vanity to it,
teaching.

I'm hoping it's gonna play out
like Dead Poets Society.

Just all adulation
and no marking. [chuckles]

- [Ian] It's brilliant, Em.
- Mm, I don't know about that.

I'm just happy to be doing something
so I can endlessly stop pondering

whatever the hell it is I should be doing.

Sorry.

- I'm talking incessantly.
- No, you're not.

I love hearing you talk.

Uh, so, uh, do you, um...
Do you still see any of the old g*ng?

- Like Paddy or Scotty or anyone?
- Oh, uh...

- Yeah. Well, sometimes.
- Yeah.

- We have a few pints. A few laughs.
- Mm.

[chuckles]

How about you?

Are you... Are you still mates with Dexter?

[imitating Dexter] "Make some noise."

[chuckles softly]

[chuckles] He's, uh...
He's doing all right for himself.

Yeah.

He's having a bit of a hard time of it
at the moment. His mom's ill,

and he's not taking it very well.

[Ian] Oh.

I'm sorry to hear that.

[Emma] Mm.

Well, anyway, that's good, then,
that you're still around for him.

Never really liked him, I guess.

[Emma] No. I remember that.

[Ian] Mm.

In fact, I... I always thought
he took you a bit for granted.

[somber instrumental music playing]

sh*t. [chuckles]

Um... [clears throat]

Was that necessary, Ian?

No, it was not.

Sorry, Emma.

It's, um...

Well, it's... It's none of my business.

[quietly] No, it's fine.

- Shall we do that thing?
- [Emma] Hmm?

Or... [clears throat]

Or we could get another bottle.

[Ian] Mm.

[Ian, slurring] God. I am wasted.

- [chuckling] Are you?
- [Emma] No.

- [laughs]
- Not at all.

I could fly a commercial aircraft
long haul.

Ah.

Hey, I'm sorry about all those gags
at the start.

- [Emma] Mm-hmm.
- It was...

I think what it is, is if you're at school

and you're not smart, popular, whatever,
then one day you say something,

and someone laughs,
you just grab onto it, don't you?

You think, "I'm... I'm sh*t at sport,
I'm quite short, and nobody fancies me."

But at least I can make people laugh.

Not you.

Other people.

- [Emma sighs]
- You get a bit reliant on it.

'Cause if you're not funny,
you're not... [hesitates]...anything.

I don't believe that.

- What?
- That no one fancied you.

Well, documentary evidence
would seem to suggest otherwise.

Well, I'm here.

Aren't I?

[sighs] God. Uh, I'm trying to be cool.

But I can't,

because I am just...

quite happy to be seeing you again.

I really, really like you, Emma.

I think you are

the absolute bollocks.

[laughs]

[Ian chuckles awkwardly]

["Northern Sky" by Nick Drake playing]

[Emma] Mm.

- Blackberries and vanilla.
- [both chuckle]

♪ I never felt magic crazy as this... ♪

- [answering machine beeps]
- [Dexter] Me again.

I know you're out with laughing boy,

but I just wanted to say I've decided
not to go to the premiere in the end.

- If you want to come round later...
- [Ian exclaims]

[Dexter] I mean, I'd like that.

I'll pay for your taxi.
You can stay over, so...

- [answering machine beeps]
- [Dexter] Me again.

Just checking in.

A bit drunk now, actually.

You know, I've been thinking.

You're a great thing, Emma Morley.

♪ Been a long time that I'm waiting ♪

[Ian] Oh figs.

- ♪ Been a long that I'm blown... ♪
- [answering machine beeps]

[Dexter] Guess who.

- Where are you, you dirty stop-out?
- [keys jangle]

Oh, well.

Call me anytime.

I'm not going anywhere.

♪ Straighten my new mind's eye ♪

[door closes]

[soothing melody continues]

["Northern Sky" fades]