01x14 - Episode 14

[bunniefuu]

[somber choir music playing]

[Emma] "She philosophically noted dates

as they came past
in the revolution of the year."

"Her own birthday, and every other day

individualized by incidents
in which she had taken some share."

"She suddenly thought one afternoon
that there was yet another date

of greater importance."

"Her own death."

"A day which lay sly and unseen
among all other days of the year,

but not the less surely there."

"When was it?"

Do you get it?

I think so.

So we have a birthday.

And a death day.
A day in which we're going to die.

"A day sly and unseen."

Don't you love that?

It blew my mind when I was 14,
so I reckon you're ready for it now.

Merry Christmas.

Um, I've written inside.

"You will never, ever read this."

"Happy Christmas, anyway."

"Love, I suppose, Em."

"December 1988."

That's touching.

Thanks.

- I'm sorry. I haven't got you anything.
- That's all right.

I'll take cash from your wallet later.
Or your dad's.

[Alison] Hello, you two.

Dinner.

Thank you, Alison.

- I will read it.
- [Emma] Mm.

Thank you.

- Shall we go?
- Yeah.

- [choir music fades]
- [dance music thumping]

[crowd clamoring]

["Cotton Eye Joe" by Rednex playing]

- [kids cheer]
- ♪ If it hadn't been for Cotton-Eyed Joe ♪

♪ I'd been married a long time ago ♪

♪ Where did you come from?
Where did you go? ♪

♪ Where did you come from
Cotton-Eyed Joe? ♪

♪ If it hadn't been for Cotton-Eyed Joe ♪

♪ I'd been married a long time ago
Where did you come from? ♪

♪ Where did you go
Where did you come from ♪

♪ Cotton-Eyed Joe? ♪

- [song ends]
- [Jasmine] Mommy!

[Dexter] Ooh! Yay!

[grunts]

[sighs] In you come, darling. Come on.

Callum's already up there.
I'll be up in just a minute.

Go in. Just one minute.

[Dexter blows kiss]

I knew you shouldn't
have gone to that today.

What do you mean?
It's my day. We had a great time.

I had calls, Dexter,
from moms saying that you...

- [Dexter] Not true.
- What's not true?

Whatever you're about to say.

- You've been drinking.
- No.

You know, there was bottled beer
at the party.

- And vodka?
- [Dexter scoffs] At a children's party?

[quietly] I don't think so.

Ooh. Although come to think of it,

there was a bit of nonsense
after the jelly.

[Sylvie] Dexter, I can smell it.

Vodka doesn't smell.

["Where Were You" by Mekons playing]

This is my fault.

Today was not the day.

It's just a day.

Dex, come in.

Thanks, but got places to be.

- Watch it. Pisshead!
- Sorry.

I can't serve you, mate.

♪ When I was waiting in the bar ♪

♪ Where were you? ♪

♪ When I was buying you a drink
Where were you? ♪

♪ When I was trying to hide in bed
Where were you... ♪

[patrons murmur]

Okay.

Taxi.

♪ You were standing in a queue... ♪

[horn blares]

[driver] Move, you f*cking prick!

♪ I wanna talk to you all night
Do you like me? ♪

♪ I wanna find out about your life
Do you like me? ♪

♪ Could you ever be my wife ♪

♪ Do you like me? ♪

[song ends]

[pop music playing in distance]

[dancer exhales]

Are you having a dance?

[slurring] A year ago today, Emma d*ed.

Was k*lled, I should say.

[takes a deep breath]

Was k*lled

by a careless driver.

[sighs]

[glass clinks]

Sorry, Barbara.

Dexy downer. [scoffs]

- What are you doing?
- What?

What?

- What the f*ck are you doing?
- You f*cking nutter! Steve!

I was... I was talking to you.

Wait! Wait! No. No, wait!

- I need my credit card. Wait.
- ["Where Is My Love" by Cat Power playing]

♪ Where is my love? ♪

♪ Where is my love? ♪

♪ Horses ♪

♪ Galloping ♪

[shouting inaudibly]

♪ Bring him to me ♪

♪ Where is my love? ♪

♪ Where is my love? ♪

- [sounds cut out]
- [shouting inaudibly]

Callum!

[Dexter] I'm sorry, Sylvie.

[shudders, crying]

Dexter, come on.

Don't cry. Don't cry.

Just... Look, listen to me.

We just need to get you cleaned up.

[gentle music playing]

[Sylvie] I asked you to look after her
for two minutes.

[Callum] She doesn't want me.
She wants you.

[Sylvie] Why do you think?
You make no effort with her whatsoever.

- [Callum] Here we go.
- [Sylvie] You have no interest in her.

You couldn't make that more plain.
Is it any wonder...

[Callum] Why do we have to have
a conversation about that right now?

[car door opens, closes]

[Stephen] Jesus.

In you come, then.

[somber music playing]

I'll put on some soup.

[Dexter groans] No soup.

You need to eat something.

[Emma] "She philosophically noted dates

as they came past
in the revolution of the year."

"She suddenly thought one afternoon
that there was yet another date

of greater importance."

"Her own death."

"A day which lay sly and unseen
among all other days of the year."

Do you get it?

[Dexter] I think so.

So we have a birthday.

And a death day,
the date on which we're gonna die.

"A day sly and unseen."

[Stephen] She was a bit tipsy,
I think, wasn't she?

[Alison] Maybe a little.

I think she was nervous.

[Stephen chuckles]
All that shouting about the welfare state.

[Alison] She's a socialist.
She's passionate.

[Stephen] Well, socialist or not,
there's no need to shout.

She called me a bourgeois fascist.

[both laugh]

[Alison] Dexter.

I've got a nicer bottle than that
you could take up.

[quietly] This is fine.

Thank you.

[Dexter sighs]

[Stephen] Dexter?

[somber music fading slowly]

[Stephen] So, is this to become
an annual festival, do you think?

Look, I really don't want to have a

heart-to-heart.

Do you?

[quietly] No.

No, I'd prefer not.

Let's just say that I think
that the best thing you could do

is to try and live your life

as if she were still here.

Don't you think that would be best?

[sighs deeply]

I don't know if I can.

[Stephen] Well, you have to try.

What do you think I've been doing
for the last ten years?

[gentle music playing]

[crying]

[Dexter continues sobbing]

[buzzer rings]

sh*t. Sorry. I didn't want to be late.

- [Dexter] Jesus.
- [Ian exhales]

- Surprise!
- Surprise!

[Graham] Surprise.

[Tilly] We didn't want you
to be on your own tonight.

Great flat.
Couldn't be any closer to the heath.

Or further from a tube station.

Yeah. I haven't done anything to it yet.

Still unpacking.

- [baby fusses]
- Come on, baby.

Here we go. [grunts]

[sighs] Can't believe it's been two years.

To you, Dex.

New beginnings.

And to Emma.

- To Emma.
- To Emma.

[Tilly] I'm just gonna keep hugging you.

Were your children breastfed, Stephen?

What?

Um, no. We... People didn't...

No.

Surveyor. [chuckles]

Sounds solid enough.

Yeah, well, I've bought it now, so...

It's nice of you all to be here.

What else are we going to do?

I mean, last year,

I went back to our old flat in Clapton

and just stood outside and felt nothing.

I felt something.

I felt if you'd held onto that place,
you'd have made a k*lling.

- Clapton's quite desirable.
- Graham, could you take a day off?

That place was a sh*thole.

It was better
than your god-awful shag-pad.

I quite agree. That was a ridiculous flat.

- That flat was amazing.
- [Tilly laughs]

Emma didn't like that flat.

Maybe we should make this an annual thing.

You know, talk about our memories of Emma.

Make sure we check in on each other.

Like, Ian. God.

I haven't seen you since...
Well, since Emma dumped you.

[chuckles, sighs]

Biscuits.

I'll go.

[birds singing]

[sighs]

[exhales]

[Ian] Hello.

Hello.

Must be an extremely difficult day
for you.

I don't know. [clears throat]

It's just a day.

I was surprised when Tilly invited me.

I was glad.

Well, not glad.

How are you, Dexter?

Mm.

[sniffles]

I always thought you were a bit of a twat.

As I'm sure you know.

Really just

overrated.

But...

But Emma,

she loved you so much.

Yeah. You couldn't argue with it.

You made her so happy.

Which was annoying.

Not really.

[clears throat]

Right.

I, um...

Well, yeah. I'd...
I'd better get back to the family.

Not Mom and Dad. [chuckles]

I've, um...
I've got a wife and three kids now.

Wow. Do you?

Sorry. Did that sound
like I was gloating or boasting?

Oh no, no, no. No, not at all.

Uh, look.

[sighs] I suppose what the point is...

God, what is the point?

I think it's that
I didn't expect any of it.

It didn't feel like any of that
was on the cards for me.

So, I just wanted to urge you

not to give up.

Right, well...

[inhales sharply]

Taunton.

What's in Taunton?

It's where we live.

Isn't that three hours away?

Oh, give or take.

And... and you came all this way?

Look after yourself, Dexter.

[Graham] Come on. Come on.

- Gotta go.
- [Dexter] Is everyone leaving?

Well, I thought that might be enough,
and you might like some quiet.

- [Tilly] Graham?
- Thanks.

[Tilly] Is every child present?
Everyone been to the loo?

Right, now come on.

[exhales]

Goodbye, ugly.

[grunts] We love you.

[Dexter] Bye.

Bye. Okay.

First one to the car gets the front seat.
Come on.

[Graham] Um, I'm not being a d*ck,

but you do need someone
to look at the cornicing.

[quietly] Great.

Call if you need.
You've come a long way this year.

[inhales sharply] Was sorry to hear
about you and Callum.

That's fine.

Bad call on my part.

I wouldn't blame you
if you laughed heartily.

I'd never do that.

Ah, still. Now we're both alone,
maybe we should get back together.

- [clicks tongue] Well, I don't know.
- Dexter, I'm joking.

Oh, I see.

- Should I move my face more, or what?
- [chuckling] No. It was funny.

That... that was funny.

Well, I'm working on it.

Jasmine.

[Jasmine] One sec.

Bye, Dad. Love you a tiny bit.

I love you a speck.

- A dot.
- A molecule.

See you Saturday.

["Lilac Wine" by Jeff Buckley playing]

♪ I lost myself on a cool, damp night ♪

♪ I gave myself in that misty light ♪

♪ Was hypnotized by a strange delight ♪

♪ Under a lilac tree ♪

♪ I made wine from the lilac tree ♪

♪ Put my heart in its recipe ♪

♪ It makes me see what I want to see ♪

♪ And be what I want to be ♪

♪ When I think more than I want to think ♪

♪ I do things I never should do ♪

♪ I drink much more
Than I ought to drink ♪

♪ Because it brings me ♪

♪ Back you ♪

♪ Lilac wine ♪

♪ Is sweet ♪

♪ And heady ♪

♪ Like me love ♪

♪ Lilac wine ♪

♪ I feel ♪

♪ Unsteady ♪

♪ Like my love ♪

♪ Listen to me ♪

♪ I cannot see clearly ♪

♪ Isn't that she coming to me? ♪

♪ Nearly... ♪

[Emma] I don't mind, you know.

If you just got rid of it all.

[softly] I'd never do that.

Keep the photos, though.

I was actually quite gorgeous
in my twenties.

Though I didn't appreciate it at the time.

I did.

Sometimes you did.

Sometimes you didn't.

It won't always be like this.

Why wouldn't it?

What's going to change it?

Time. [chuckles sadly]

Time.

No, that's... that's...

I can really feel the clouds parting, Em.

Yeah, you're funny.

Well.

At least this year you can pass out
on your own carpet.

There's not enough in there for that.

Yeah. [sighs]

Then you'll go to the offie.

[grunts]

[gentle music playing]

And you'll buy a couple more bottles.
And maybe some cigarettes.

And then you'll smoke them in here,
which you'll regret,

'cause you'll never quite
get the smell out.

And Tilly'll call you later.

And Sylvie.

But you won't want to sound sad or pissed,
so you don't pick up.

Which means tomorrow
you'll have to call them both

and say you fell asleep early.

And your dad,
because they'll have called him too.

But they won't believe you.

And you'll feel guilty
and hungover and just...

sh*t.

All day.

And it'll go on like that.

[Dexter sniffles]

[Emma] Until it doesn't.

'Cause one day,

it won't.

[gentle orchestral music building]

[sniffles]

["Falling Colour" by Vanbur playing]

♪ Falling ♪

♪ Color ♪

♪ Falling ♪

♪ Color ♪

♪ Falling ♪

♪ Color ♪

[man] Excuse me.
Could you keep off the grass, please?

[Dexter] Oh. Yeah.

Sorry. You used to be able to

dance here.

[Emma] And this is me.

You should have said hello.

When?

When you saw me around.

[speaking inaudibly]

[Jasmine] Daddy, what did you do
when you lived here?

- What did I do?
- Not a great deal, as I recall.

I did. I went to a lot of parties.

[both chuckle]

[Jasmine] Daddy, look.
There are people up there.

[Dexter] That's Arthur's Seat.

Who's Arthur?

I don't know, but I'll try to find out.

[Jasmine] How'd they get up there?

[Dexter] You can climb it.

Can we climb it?

Uh, I... I'll see you back at the hotel.

Goodbye, darling.

[Dexter] Okay. [grunts]

It's quite steep, Jazzy. Are you sure?

Sure.

[Dexter] Okay.

[gentle music playing]

[Jasmine] Dad, you're so slow.

[Emma] Are you all right back there?

Should I alert search and rescue?

[Dexter] Look.

There's the Royal Mile

and the castle

and Calton Hill.

And down there,

over there is where I met Emma.

[Dexter] You know it's St. Swithin's Day?

[Emma] What's that?

[Dexter] 15th of July.

If it rains today,
it's gonna rain all summer.

Something like that.

It's not going to rain today.

[Jasmine] Daddy.

Daddy, I'm cold. Can we go down now?

[Dexter] Come on.

[Emma] Can I say something
to put your mind at rest?

I don't want you to think I'm bothered.

I mean, what happened last night
is only 'cause you were drunk.

- Emma.
- No. Just let me finish, will you?

But

I had a really nice time, anyway.

I've not done a lot of that kind of thing.
Not like you. But it was nice.

I think you're nice, Dex,
when you wanna be.

And maybe it's just bad timing, but

I think you should head off to China
or India, or wherever, and find yourself.

And I'll get on quite happily
with things here.

I don't want to come with you.
I don't want weekly postcards.

I don't even want your phone number.

I don't want to get married
or have your babies either,

and I don't want
to have another fling. [sighs]

We had one really nice night together,
and that's all.

I'll always remember it.

And if we bump into each other

at some point in the future
at a party or something,

then that's fine too.

We'll just have a friendly chat.

We won't be embarrassed
'cause you've had your hand down my top,

and we'll just be...

Whatever. Cool about it.

Okay?

Me and you, we'll just be friends.

Agreed?

Agreed.

Any regrets, though?

None.

"That northern girl I shagged
at graduation. What was her name again?"

I'm not being a footnote.

A footnote?

Yeah.

In the story of your life.

- ["In Cold Light" by Vanbur playing]
- ♪ Listen ♪

♪ Listen ♪

♪ Listen ♪

[indistinct chatter]

♪ Listen ♪

♪ Listen ♪

Come on, Jazz.

♪ Listen ♪

[Dexter] Emily!

[panting]

[grunts]

I thought I'd lost you.

[Dexter] So...

So...

See you around.

Yeah, I hope so.

I hope so too.

Bye, Em.

Bye, Dex.

Bye.

Bye.

Em?

[ballad swells]

♪ Listen ♪

♪ Listen ♪

♪ Listen ♪

♪ Listen ♪

♪ Listen ♪

["In Cold Light" fades]