03x02 - A River in Egypt

[bunniefuu]

Previously on Family Law...

- While I house-hunt... -
She's going to move in with me.

When you break up...

and I emphasize "when"...

I will not be forced to choose sides.

Martina, what are we doing?

[SIGHING] I don't know.

It's not fair to him or you.

[QUINN] You must be Daniel.

Applied Psychology and
Behaviorism Conference?

Yes. Last May.

Are you... okay?

[LUCY] Yeah, I don't
know how to thank you.

How about you buy the drinks this time?

Nina texted me back! "How
about coffee before work?"

Who looks foolish now?

[JERRI] Moral inventory...

it's a written assessment of your life,

including your weaknesses,
character defects...

Well, that would fit on a Post-it note.

Would it?

[♪♪♪]

[ABBY] Is it bad
that I'm looking forward

to this week without my kids?

When Frank had custody,
I was losing my mind!

Mm.

Ah, but now you know
every other week is yours.

You can look forward to both.

It's the weirdest feeling.
It's like... being two people.

Hmm.

Well, I'm into both of you.

[BAGPIPES BEGIN BLASTING]

- What in the holy...
- Bagpipes.

- Devon joined a Scottish punk band.
- Ah!

[BAGPIPES WAILING]

Well... we could stay
at your place this week?

It's not my place!

It's Lucy's,

and she's still getting over Maggie.

Right. I guess having a happy couple

- in her guest bedroom...
- Kind of a assh*le move.

[LOUDLY, OVER BAGPIPES]
I have a shift tonight,

- but we could stay at a hotel tomorrow.
- Yes!

Firefighters get a
discount at the Holiday Inn.

I'll book us a suite at the Pan Pacific.

[BAGPIPES CONTINUE]

So I'm standing there at her front door,

Quinn's eyes are locked on mine,

and I'm 100% sure he's
gonna knock me out cold.

Oh, my god!

Then he says...

"Martina's told me all about you."

- And hauls me inside.
- No!

Next thing I know, I'm
sitting next to Quinn,

staring at the rug his girlfriend and I

had sex on, hearing all about

how he ran out of air on his night dive.

I thought he was a food journalist?

He was in the Australian Outback

for four months...

writing the definitive
feature on "bush tucker".

So where was Martina during all this?

On the couch beside him.

Why the hell did you stay?

I showed up at her door
with her favourite takeout.

I had to eat with them,
or it would've looked suspicious.

I got out of there as soon as I could.

Well, you're lucky
things didn't get ugly...

but now you're gonna stay
away from Martina, right?

Actually, she texted me this morning.

She's waiting for Quinn
to wake up and...

then they're gonna have a long talk.

She's going to break up with him?

I feel bad for him.

Quinn seems like a cool guy, but...

what we have is undeniable.

[♪♪♪]

Uh, Harry!

Did you hear the news?

Likely not, Chip. I
don't read the tabloids.

[CHIP CHUCKLES DRYLY]

I've been appointed to the bench.

You?

Really?

Well...

I, for one, could not
be more pleased for you.

- Well done.
- [HANDS CLAP TOGETHER]

I very much look forward

to seeing you and your associates

in my courtroom.

[♪♪♪]

[NINA] My favourite

was probably the glowing mushrooms
in the Shikoku Forest.

Nina!

- Ah!
- Hey! How was your trip?

Great. Mm!

I come bearing gifts.

My dad's meeting me here.

Do we have to wait? I love presents.

Every December, I'd get so excited,

that my parents had to
give me one present a night

leading up to Christmas or I'd barf.

Here. You can have yours.

[PAPER RUSTLES]

I remembered you saying
you loved everything spicy.

That is so thoughtful.

- Thanks.
- It's the Hiyung chili...

it's the hottest one
native to Indonesia.

- Cecil, no!
- Not the whole...

Hmm.

Um... Ms. Bianchi?

I also made a life
decision on my travels.

After I saw what you did
with the Dr. Doug case,

well, I'd like to apply to law school.

- [ABBY] That's great!
- [NINA] I'd love to pick your brain.

Can I take you out for lunch this week?
How's tomorrow? 12:30?

Are you okay, Cecil?

[♪♪♪]

I'm not sure what's
taking my dad so long.

Probably spent the night at Michelle's.

- [JERRI] Your dad's new girlfriend?
- Yup.

They met online just before we left.

Texting all the time,
talking every night.

They couldn't wait to
see each other, so...

So Michelle showed up
to the beach in Indonesia

to surprise him.

Highly romantic.

- Cecil told us the whole story.
- You don't like her?

[FORCED] No. No, she's great.

And I haven't seen my
dad this happy since...

You miss it being the two of you.

I'm a terrible person.

[LUCY] It's an adjustment,

seeing your dad with
someone other than your mom.

My dad's dating my mom,

and I can tell you, that's no picnic.

[NINA LAUGHS] Yeah.
Kinda the same thing.

Except our moms are dead.

Anyway... these travel romances,
they hardly ever survive

the cold, hard light of daily existence.

- I give it a month.
- [ELEVATOR DINGS]

There they are... our Svensson family.

Everyone... this is Michelle!

Hi, everyone.

[BRYAN] Sorry to keep
you waiting, Nina-Beana.

What has two thumbs and
just popped the big question?

This guy!

And... what has a ring
finger and just said " yes"?

- This gal!
- [HAPPY COUPLE GIGGLES]

[♪♪♪]

Huh?

- Oh!
- Oh.

["UH-OH" BY JEREMY FISHER BEGINS]

♪ You can't prove it ♪

♪ Uh-oh ♪

♪ You got nothing legit ♪

♪ Uh-oh ♪

♪ The glove don't fit ♪

♪ Uh-oh ♪

♪ You got to acquit ♪

♪ Uh-oh ♪

♪ The charges won't stick 'Cause ♪

♪ I ain't no sucker ♪

♪ Ain't your lollipop ♪

♪ But ♪

♪ You can kiss my sweet ♪

♪ Uh-huh ♪

♪ Never gonna stop ♪

♪ Never gonna stop Never gonna stop
Never gonna stop ♪

[MICHELLE] Say "Baa-teek!"

- [ALL] Batik!
- [SNAP]

Got it.

So, Dad...

how long had you been
planning to propose?

I wasn't. No, it was
totally spontaneous.

I know it must seem like

we're jumping into things kinda quick...

But life is fleeting.

You never know

how long you're gonna have
with the person that you love.

[MICHELLE] Yeah.

You gotta make the most of every moment.

Mm!

[TENSELY] That is so great.

There he is... the Grande Nacho himself!

[BRYAN GRUNTS AFFECTIONATELY]

Bryan! Back from
your travels... so soon?

[CHUCKLES]

This is my beautiful fiancée, Michelle.

Hi!

You must be Harry, Bryan's dear friend.

- Hello.
- Hi.

Now if you'll excuse me,
some of us do have work.

Abigail, Daniel...
in my office, please? Now.

Welcome back, Nina.

I was wondering

if you had time this week
to help us with a pre-nup?

Are you sure you need one?

I know you're happy
with the class-action settlement,

but $150,000 isn't huge.

Oh, no, no, no, it's not for me.

Michelle's about to come
into a chunk of change

and I just, you know, I want her to know

that I'm marrying her purely for love.

How big of a chunk are we talking?

Her Uncle Lyle passed away.

Left her his entire estate,
and once it clears probate,

she thinking maybe 20 million?

- In that case...
- I can meet with you in 10.

Yeah!

[GIGGLES]

"Judge Chip Crombie"?

Are you kidding?

His swearing-in ceremony is tomorrow,

followed by a cocktail reception.

I shouldn't have to tell
you how essential it is

to flatter and woo the
arrogant, little weasel.

No problem. I will be there.

You won't be required.

It's we who must make amends

for some of our more pointed remarks.

- [SCOFFS] I have plans.
- She can't go.

She already has a sketchy reputation.

She'll only make things worse.

Harry, I will woo that
weasel into a docile pet

and hand you his leash
at the end of the party.

[THUMP]

- [INTERCOM BUZZES]
- Winston...

send a congratulatory bottle of scotch

to Chip Crombie.

[CLICK]

[BRYAN] Nice new digs, Ms. Bianchi!

Thanks.

Okay.

I can give you both some idea
of what to consider in a pre-nup,

but moving forward, I can
only advise one of you.

So, Michelle, you'll have
to talk to your own lawyer.

We really don't need to do this.

Oh, no, no. I don't want
you doubting for a second

why I'm marrying you.

I could never, ever doubt you.

You're the pop to my corn!

You're the mac to my cheese.

[SEDUCTIVELY] You're the hot to my tub.

Okay! Uh...

given that 50% of
marriages end in divorce...

Yeah, but then that means that...



You'll want to consider things like...

do you plan on shared
ownership of your property?

Sweetie.

You are gonna be my husband.

What's mine is yours,
till death do us part.

I'm not gonna keep Uncle
Lyle's ranch all to myself.

Think about what happens

if you use your individual
premarital property

to purchase a home you'll own together.

Will the paying spouse
need to be reimbursed?

What if you pay for most of it?

Do you keep the home and buy Bryan out?

Or is it a condition of the pre-nup

that the house be sold

- and you share equally in any profits?
- [CLICKS PEN]

[♪♪♪]

Have you heard from Martina yet?

No.

What's taking so long?

I know Quinn's jet-lagged,
but it's almost noon.

Who're you texting?

A woman I met at my boxing class.

- Kelly.
- "Kelly"?

So is Kelly a new friend, or...

a new friend?

Oh, honestly? I can't tell.

I sent out the signals.

Told her that my ex-wife
took our baby and left.

- Your flirting needs work.
- Well, Kelly just referred to her ex,

unhelpfully, as "Alex".

Let me meet her.

I'll tell you in two
seconds if she's into you.

You think your gaydar's
better than mine?

It can't be any worse!
You're clearly off your game.

Fine. Come to boxing with me.

[TEXT DINGS]

Martina.

She wants me to meet her right now.

Good luck.

[♪♪♪]

- Hi.
- Hey.

How'd it go with Quinn?

Oh. It's so hard.

- We were practically kids when we met.
- Ten years is a long time.

I don't know if I'd even be a chef

if it weren't for him.

He's the one that pushed
me to follow my dream.

Supported me through cooking school...

he moved here for me.

You didn't tell him about us.

I...

have to try to make
things work with Quinn.

You have to?

I want to.

I love having you in my life, Daniel.

I don't want to lose our friendship,

- but right now...
- Yeah. No.

Probably better if we just...

Just...

until I figure things out with Quinn.

I'm sorry.

Maybe I can rebook
the hotel for Thursday

Why?

Let's just go to this thing,

pig out on free hors d'oeuvres,

instead of shelling
out on a fancy dinner.

We still end up in the
same king-sized bed.

No bagpipes.

It's probably better if I go alone.

I embarrassed you that bad last time?

No! Of course not.

Harry will be there.

Uh, you don't want me to meet your dad?

Well, I don't want
anyone to meet my dad.

Seriously, it's different this time.

These people are my peers now.

And I can't hold my own in that crowd?

Obviously, you can.

I'm just gonna have to
spend the whole night

working the room.

Okay.

We'll reschedule.

N... You know what?

Forget it.

We'll just go.

We'll make an appearance,

I'll suck up to Chip Crombie,

and we'll ghost after an hour.

We still end up in the same
king-sized bed, no bagpipes.

Mm.

[♪♪♪]

Danny, I am so sorry.

Their relationship obviously has issues

otherwise she wouldn't
have hooked up with you.

That's true.

Maybe they'll come to realize
that it's run its natural course.

Yeah.

What Martina and I have...

it doesn't just disappear
because Quinn's back.

[ABBY] What?

Have you two seen Bryan and Michelle?

They were supposed to be here
half an hour ago with her lawyer.

- No.
- Nope.

Huh.

Gah... Mother.

Please tell me he doesn't have
you picking up his dry-cleaning?

I offered.

Your father didn't perform
with his usual vigor this morning.

No, no, no, no. We agreed, you do
not talk to me about him.

He would never admit it,

but I think this whole Chip
Crombie thing has really shaken him.

But with me on
his arm tonight...

What? No, no, you're
not coming tonight.

Are you kidding? I haven't
seen these people in decades.

I'm dying to see who got
good work done and who didn't.

No! Even I have heard the
infamous martini-in-lap story.

Oh, come on! That was 40 years ago.

Yeah. People are still talking about it.
We can't afford a scene like that.

Well, my scene didn't
make the rounds on YouTube.

That's because YouTube didn't exist.

Chip Crombie is going to be deciding
our cases, Mother.

Oh, I know what the stakes are.

I'm not sure you do.

- I just told you!
- Then what are you wearing tonight?

- Th... This.
- Ha! I rest my case.

[♪♪♪]

What?

I was wondering if
we'd see you today.

How'd it go at the clinic?

Well, good news...

spicy foods don't cause hemorrhoids,

but they can irritate a**l...

Hi! Hi, Nina.

Hi.

I'm really sorry I had
to bail on you yesterday,

- but I had a...
- [CUTS HIM OFF] Fire... to put out.

- We still on for coffee Thursday?
- [ABBY] Hey, Nina!

Have you talked to
your dad this morning?

He and Michelle missed
their appointment.

Probably 'cause they don't
need a pre-nup anymore.

They got married.

What?

- When?
- [NINA] Yesterday.

They didn't even give me a
heads up. Just sent me this.

Oh... if you want to order a double
vodka at lunch, I'll understand.

[JERRI] Ahem!

[♪♪♪]

This has been so great.

I'm gonna sign up for
an LSAT prep course

as soon as I get home.

This is on me.

- You really don't have to.
- Yes, I do.

You've given me so much already.

Plus... you totally took my mind off

my dad getting married
without telling me.

- So... yay.
- [TERMINAL BEEPS]

Sorry, it didn't go through.

That's weird.

I know I haven't gone over my limit.

[TERMINAL BEEPS]

Do you want to try another card?

[CHUCKLES UNCOMFORTABLY]

Sure. How's debit?

Hey, are you sure you
don't want me to just... ?

I'm sure it's just a mix-up.

[TERMINAL BEEPS]

This one's declined, too.

But I know there's money in there.

Thanks.

My dad and I opened a joint account

for our settlement checks. I...

Thank you.

It's empty.

Nina, do you know where
your dad is right now?

[♪♪♪]

First, we miss our appointment with you,

and then I forget

you're taking Ms. Bianchi
out for a professional lunch.

Newlywed brain!

Anyway, everything's fine.

Michelle just needed
to borrow some money.

For what?


her Uncle Lyle's estate.

Her lawyer says she'll
have her inheritance

by the end of the week...

then she'll pay back
the tiny loan I gave her.

How tiny?

Just 100,000.

Bryan... can we give Michelle a call?

Sure.

[BEEP]

Call wife!

[CONCIERGE] Calling wife.

[RINGS]

You have reached a number that
has been disconnected or...

- That's weird.
- No longer in service.

Only got one wife.

[ABBY] How much do you
know about Michelle?

Everything.

We've been talking nonstop since we met.

Online.



But it was an instant, deep connection,

like we've always known each other.

At what point did you mention
the class-action settlement?

I said in my profile

that I was taking the next year off

to... travel the world,

and she's the one who said

"coming into money
really changes your life."

And you said... ?

That I felt the same way,

ever since the
settlement check came in.

No! No. Michelle isn't like that.

She'd give you the shirt off her back!

Remember when she
surprised us in Indonesia?

She wouldn't let us pay for a thing!

- Not even the hotel.
- "Hostel," Dad.

She probably spent, like, 300 bucks.

She was reeling you in.

Why would she put the
new car in my name, then?

Did she pay for it?

I mean, I put down the deposit,

but she's gonna make all the payments.

Okay, look.

You still have your house.

Real-estate prices have
gone through the roof.

That's a solid nest egg.

Dad?

Uh...

- the thing is...
- [ABBY GROANS QUIETLY]

we were so bummed out
by the pre-nup meeting

and I wanted to reassure Michelle

that our love was forever, so I...

I suggested matching tattoos...

but she took me to
this notary, and we...

we had her name added on the title,

which was surprisingly easy
'cause I-I don't have a mortgage,

and she perked right up, and then, uh...

we got the confirmation
e-mail this morning...

right before she left.

[♪♪♪]

[EXHALES]

She must've seen him
coming from a mile away.

[LUCY] Con artists play
into emotion, not intelligence.

She probably made him feel like he was

the most interesting
person she'd ever met.

And that should've been his first clue.

She would've picked
up on his loneliness,

reflected it back.

Got him talking about his cash windfall

and how to spend it.

Said she was coming
into a big inheritance,

but hadn't met that
"special someone" yet.

Bryan had to have been in
a certain amount of denial

right from the start.

He tells her about his
cash settlement, and...

surprise!

She shows up on the
same Indonesian island?

To be fair, you're
in denial, too, Harry,

if you think your
relationship with my mother

- isn't gonna end in bloodshed.
- Touché.

Have you called the Land Title Office?

Yes. She's already managed
to have the title to the house

- transferred and registered.
- We'll petition the court

first thing to get
the marriage annulled,

and title transferred
back based on the fraud.

Shouldn't be hard, given they've
only been married since yesterday.

Abigail.

We can't be late for Chip's
swearing-in. Go get changed.

What is wrong with what I'm wearing?

Cecil, I know you hate staying
a minute past five, but I need you

to dig up everything you
can on Michelle Fischer.

Yeah. Be here all night, if I have to.

Amazing what the right motivation can do

to light a fire under your butt.

Too soon.

[LUCY] You know, we
should probably get moving

if we want to make boxing on time.

I'll meet you at the elevators.

[PHONE RINGS]

[BEEP]

Hello?

Hi.

Luce?

Sorry. I might have to
meet Kelly another time.

Why?

I said I'd meet someone for a drink.

- Oh, my god. Daniel!
- Not Martina.

- Quinn.
- What?

He called to ask what
local breweries were good

and if I wanted to...

And you said, "No. I can't.
I have plans with my sister."

He doesn't know anyone here yet
and Martina's working tonight.

What possible good

can come from you hanging
out with Martina's boyfriend?

It's one beer.

How's the house hunt going?

Ugh, nothing inspiring so
far, but I'm not in any rush.

Your father's penthouse
is very comfortable.

Okay, well, you're either
being willfully blind or...

Joanne!

- Oh, you look fabulous.
- Thank you, Veronica.

- I love that pendant.
- Chip got it for me on our 30th.

Can you believe it?

Your Chip on the bench?
You must be so proud.

It's a nice validation

after all the years of
long hours and hard work.

- He couldn't have done it without you.
- Oh, I was talking about me.

[LAUGHS]

And this must be your
accomplished daughter, Abigail.

Thank you for coming.

I know it means a lot to Chip
to have you and Harry here.

Hmm. Thanks for the invite.

Oh, will you excuse me?
I see someone in need of rescue.

[CHUCKLES]

Well, I won't take your time...

So, uh, "fire technology"...
is that a diploma program?

So I just met Veronica
Crombie. She's lovely.

What could she possibly see in Chip?

I've asked myself the
same question many times.

Can I get you a cranberry and soda?

Oh, yeah. Sure, that'd be great.

Thanks.

How old is he?

- 30s.
- So, 30.

You wouldn't bat an eye if
the shoe were on the other foot.

- He seems perfectly nice.
- He is nice.

- And fun and...
- And a good palate cleanser for you.

Keep going, Harry.

I'll pour the martini
on your lap this time.

I saw the crocs circling my boat,

but I figured way up on
this rock, I'd be okay,

but then the tide starts coming in,

and it's lifting these crocodiles

above the first set of waterfalls,

then the second...

next big wave, I am croc meat.

- Holy sh*t.
- But then I remember...

I still have kangaroo
meat left in the bag,

so I start chucking it.

And as soon as they
go for it, man, I jump!

- But you must've been 20 or 30 feet up.
- Oh, at least.

So then I scramble back into the boat,

right before this massive
croc almost takes my leg off.

I think I owe you a second
round just for being alive.

Mm!

Must be hard, though...

being away for months,

then coming back to an
apartment you've never lived in?

Well, Martina and I, we've
been apart a lot over the years.

We're used to it. The first week
is always exhausting, though.

- Jet lag?
- Sex.

It's like we're trying to make
up for four months in four days.

[CHUCKLES WEAKLY]

Maybe I should just get the bill.

No, no, no, no, no. One more round.

What I want to know is,

did the late-night talk
shows try to book you?

What?

"I assure you... I'm
not a pug." Your video!

I must've watched it a hundred times.

- Where did you... ?
- Oh, Martina sent it to me.

It's hilarious!

[♪♪♪]

- Cheers.
- [CLACK]

[PARTY BUZZES WITH CHATTER]

Excuse us, boys.

All right.

You have managed to chat up
everyone here except Chip.

Just get it over with.

Ah. Into the breach!

Chip! Congratulations again.

Oh, hey, Harry.

- I got the scotch you sent over.
- Just a small gesture.

I gave it to the cleaning lady.

Now that I'm on the bench,

I can't risk even a
whiff of impropriety.

Are you insinuating... ?

Oh, my goodness... we didn't even think!

Well... we'll just have to
have you and Veronica

over for dinner instead.

And what a generous way to
pay it forward to your cleaner.

How do you keep getting hotter?

[SMOOCHES HER HAND]

Whatever you're doing...
please tell my wife.

- [FORCED CHUCKLE]
- But I gotta ask...

what're you doing back
with this old man, hmm?

Well, you were taken.

Oh! [CHUCKLES]

Great party.

And I'll give Veronica
a call about dinner.

I'll look forward to it.

[♪♪♪]

- [QUIETLY] You were incredible.
- As always...

As always.

Burritos from TacoFino.

Salsa on the side.

- You're the best, Winston.
- Want some digging up dirt

- on Nina's step-monster?
- I wouldn't say no to that.

Can I just say one thing?

- Nina obviously likes you.
- Right?

As a friend.

If she was wanted anything more,
wouldn't she make more of an effort?

She agreed to a coffee date.

Five days in advance. She invited
Abby out to lunch on a day's notice.

- Yeah, a business lunch.
- Right.

[ABBY] All right, I just
have to play nice to the host,

and then we can get out of here.

- I'll grab your coat.
- Okay. Thanks.

Hello.

He's adorable.

Where'd you find him?
Toys 'R Us? [SNICKERS]

[WEAK CHUCKLE]

I just wanted to tell
you how pleased I am.

Word of advice, honey.

If you want to be taken seriously,

don't bring your boy-toy
to a professional event

just to piss off Daddy.

Mm.

Now... you were saying?

How pleased I am

to see yet another
middle-aged, mediocre white man

ascend the ranks

based on cronyism instead of merit.

- Night-night.
- Chip! Come see who's here.

[BREATHLESSLY] Ms. Bianchi?

Winston? What are you doing here?

Cecil sent me. We've
been trying to call.

We found a blog warning
guys about Michelle Fischer.

Bryan's not the only one she scammed.

Start getting in touch
with her other victims.

I'll meet you at the
office in half an hour.

[♪♪♪]

Bryan, I'm sorry to
put you through this,

but I think you need to
hear what they have to say.

[♪♪♪]

[MAN] I knew her as "Mimi Fuller".

We met online.

She told me she loved
salsa dancing, too.

Our first date was at
a Cuban supper club...

and I'll tell you,

she made me feel like I was
the only man in the room.

The way "Maya" heard me...

it was like we had a
spiritual connection.

She was vegan...

into yoga and Qigong.

We talked about buying a piece of land

and opening a healing center

with the money I got from my mom.

Oh, yeah, she talked a big game.

Huge inheritance from her Aunt Lily.

Just one problem...

she owed a pile of back taxes,

and, of course, she needed
a loan to pay those off.

[♪♪♪]

[BAILIFF] All rise.

Before we begin,

I would just like to say
congratulations, Your Honor.

Get on with it, Mr. Svensson.
We've got a full docket today.

Absolutely.

I'm here to petition the
court for an annulment

of Mr. Bryan Beasley's marriage
to Ms. Michelle Fischer.

"Michelle Fischer" goes
by a variety of aliases

with the sole intention
of defrauding her victims.

She misrepresented herself to my client

and, as a result, Mr.
Beasley had no idea

who, in fact, he was marrying.

We ask that you grant

an annulment of this
marriage immediately

on the basis of fraud.

Thank you.

Well, Mr. Svensson,

I was hoping that you'd
give a compelling argument,

but the one you gave was,

what's the word...

mediocre?

- Your Honor...
- Petition denied.

[BANG]

She said she loved bowling
and Steve Martin movies...

but it was all lies.

I could really use someone
to talk to right now.

Absolutely.

This session's on me.

Come on in, Bryan.

Oh, you're not gonna stay?

[THUD]

When Paula d*ed...

I thought...

that part of my life was over forever.

And then, one day, my
little girl's all grown-up,

and, uh...

I thought, maybe...

that maybe I could find someone.

And getting out there
was really tough, so...

it just made me miss Paula more.

And then I was ready to give up,

and then there she was...

she was smart

and beautiful...

and funny.

Gosh, she used to make me laugh!

And... And the way that
she would laugh at my jokes.

You know, I really thought that I was...

[SIGHING]

I should've known.

I have no doubt

that you really did make her laugh.

- Yeah, 'cause I'm a joke.
- No!

Because people love
being around you, Bryan.

Your positive attitude.

You have such a generous spirit.

You know what really sucks?

Is that I'm never gonna be
able to trust anyone ever again.

Opening yourself up to love
after you've been hurt...

it's hard.

It's gonna take some time.

But right now,

focus on what you can do.

Forgive yourself.

It will get better.

For now, just... take things day by day.

[♪♪♪]

[DANIEL] It should've been a slam dunk,

but the whole thing
felt weirdly punitive.

He put this very specific emphasis

on the word "mediocre".

- What happened at Chip's party?
- Nothing!

My better half stepped in to save me.

Maybe he ruled against you
'cause you're a crap lawyer.

Well, it means there's nothing
more we can do for Bryan.

We can file for divorce

and ask that all assets
be restrained pending trial.

Not for a year. And by then, who
knows how much more damage she'll do?

This is fraud!

We have to find a way
to get Bryan out of this.

Talk to a criminal lawyer.

Uh... Ben Cohen. He's
the best in the city.

Okay. Thanks.

Abigail.

I don't know what you said to Chip,

but it must've been bad.

Don't bother denying it.

That face you make...
trying not to look guilty?

That one!

You've been making
it since you were two.

[♪♪♪]

- Ben Cohen?
- Yes.

Abigail Bianchi from
Svensson and Svensson.

We have a meeting.

Right! Uh, we're gonna
have to push that.

I have an emergency bail hearing.

Well, you could've called
and saved me the trip over.

Check your voicemail.
My assistant probably called.

If I hadn't Googled your picture,
I would've walked right past you,

gone up there, and
waited for you like an idiot.

You shouldn't talk
about yourself like that.

I'm sure you're reasonably intelligent.

I told you this was urgent!
You agreed to make time.

I would've called someone else.

I'll give you till the courthouse.

Great.

If you can keep up.

[♪♪♪]

You've got no case.

But this woman has multiple aliases,

she uses this inheritance
scam to defraud her victims.

There's a criminal pattern here.

Your client is criminally gullible.

Maybe you could walk
just a tiny bit slower?

Maybe you could speed up.

I know, it's not fair.

She should have to pay
back everything she's stolen

and go to jail.

- Yes!
- It's never gonna happen.

[SCOFFS]

We have affidavits from seven men!

Doesn't matter. Even if
you do track her down,

good luck finding a
prosecutor to take the case.

Judges don't take
romance scams seriously.

Okay, you might be a
cynic and a quitter...

but I'm not gonna let
her get away with this.

Okay. I'm gonna give you
two pieces of advice...

one, tell your client to cut his losses.

Two...

get yourself some flatter shoes.

[♪♪♪]

[NINA] So she can just lie and steal

and take advantage of
sweet guys like my dad,

and there's nothing
anyone can do about it?

This is... I'm sorry...

bull-poop!

We got the title to your
house transferred back,

but unfortunately,

the-the line of credit
she racked up against it...

[INHALES SHARPLY]

My dad always said,

"a fool and his money are soon parted."

I just wish it wasn't your money, too.

I wonder if Dr. Svensson
has time to talk to me.

- I'll walk you over?
- Yeah.

One of Michelle's
aliases is "Mimi Fuller".

There's an outstanding warrant for her
under that name in Oregon.

[CECIL] If we can find her,

maybe we can get her arrested on that.

If her pattern holds,

she'll be looking for her next victim.

[♪♪♪]

Oh. She's pulled her profile.

Here she is.

She moved to a new dating site.

"Symmetry".

[ABBY] Huh!

We need to create an online profile.

Draw her out.

But we'll need a photo

of someone she's never met before.

Ah, she's met everybody here.

Not everyone...

We'd have to do a makeover.

I can take him shopping for
a suit that actually fits,

maybe a haircut?

Yeah, good idea.

Wait. Are we talking about me?

It's just a photo.

Can I get a couple different outfits?

[♪♪♪]

Maybe a formal courtroom look,

more of a "weekend casual"?

One decent suit.

Bring him back as soon as you can.

[♪♪♪]

And how was your date with Quinn?

He tells the best stories!

His motorcycle broke
down in the Outback...

Yeah, you have a man-crush
on Martina's boyfriend.

[SNICKERS]

Yes.

I see why she chose
him. He's way cooler.

So you've made your
peace with her decision,

and now you're going to
leave them alone, right?

Yes.

Except... he roped me into
hiking with them on Saturday.

- Danny!
- I know!

You don't have to say it. Thanks.

Thank you.

Uh, what's up with you and Kelly?

Well, we went for a walk
last night after boxing.

Sounds promising.

I think she's into women...

doesn't mean she's into me.

But I-I don't know.

When's your next class?

I won't bail this time. I swear.

"I'm looking for

that special someone to share
the rest of my life with."

- Looking sharp, Cecile.
- Thank you, sir!

Can I be an astronaut?

We'll say you made

some early investments
in Bitcoin that paid off.

Now he's ready

to "make a long-term
investment in love"!

Nice.

All right, let's give him some hobbies.

Ooh! How about I drive Formula One cars?

Michelle tends to target a more...

"Model trains and cinnamon buns".

Irresistible.

She's already heard the name "Cecil",

so let's give him a new one, to be safe.

Can I be "Ace"?

[♪♪♪]

She'd be crazy to risk another scam!

She's probably on a flight
to the Caymans by now.

It's only been a few hours,
and we know she's compulsive.

She took the bait.

- See?
- Oh, my gosh!

This is happening!

She wants to meet tomorrow,

but obviously, I can't meet her.

Well, of course, you're gonna meet her.

You said it was just a photo!

- You knew what you were getting into.
- I'm not her type!

Her type is "lonely with money".

- No way! Absolutely not!
- Please... Cecil?

[♪♪♪]

[BUSTLING AND CHATTER, INDISTINCT]

Lloyd?

- Monica!
- [BANGS TABLE]

- Oh!
- Sorry.

[CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY]

Wow. It's really you.

Not a disappointment, I hope?

Oh, not at all. No.

You're just so...
different than I imagined.

In a good way, of course.

You can do this, Cecil.

Just keep her talking.

[MICHELLE] That's a great tie.

Cost more than my old suit
and shoes put together.

I mean...

before I made all that
money in cryptocurrency...

[CHUCKLES] I was broke.

Now I'm just...

whoo!

Wondering what to do with all
this newfound wealth, you know?

[CHUCKLING NERVOUSLY]

What is good here?

I have no idea.

You were the one who
suggested the place.

Right.

[♪♪♪]

[♪♪♪]

So...

model trains.

Where do you go to get good track?

Oh, where are the cops?

Come on, Cecil. You're losing her.

[MICHELLE] It has been
really great meeting you...

She's getting away!

I'm just not feeling the spark.

Come on. Just give love a chance!

Michelle!

Oh, of course. I should've known.

- Give me Bryan's car keys.
- The car was a wedding present.

It's in his name!

And I'm the primary
driver on the insurance.

Out of my way.

You think you can hurt my dad?

Grow up, little Daddy's girl.

[MICHELLE YELPS]

Hey! Get off me!

[SKIRMISH PERSISTS, WOMEN GRUNTING]

Ahh! Let me up!

Mimi Fuller,

we're placing you under arrest
on an outstanding bench warrant.

Nicely done!

[CHUCKLES AND EXHALES]

[♪♪♪]

But when you just took
her down like that?

- [NINA CHUCKLES]
- It was so bad-ass.

Thanks!

We make an awesome team.

That's exactly what I was gonna say.

So...

I was wondering...

Do you mind if I use that photo you took

for my dating profile?

I'm gonna leave it up.

Sure...

"Lloyd".

[GIGGLES]

But seriously, you're gonna
change the text, right?

'Cause you did not
make smart investments

in cryptocurrency.

"Yet".

[GASPS] We got her, Dad!

- [GIGGLING GIDDILY]
- Oh!

[BRYAN] I don't know how
to thank you, Ms. Bianchi.

Very impressive... not
putting Nina on the spot.

I know you were dying to ask her out.

Yeah, well,

after hearing all those guys'
stories about Michelle...

they just wanted her
to love them so bad.

And suddenly, I had this thought...

what if I have blinders on, too?

What if Nina's just not as
into me as I want her to be?

Besides... three women
have already pinged me.

Three besides Michelle?

A ping is a ping.

[SLURPING LOUDLY]

- Heading out?
- Yeah.

I've got a quick stop to make,

and then Aidan and I are
checking into our hotel.

How's the moral inventory coming?

Good.

Mm-hmm! Everything's...

percolating.

- You haven't started it yet.
- These things can't be rushed.

Maybe this will help inspire you.

Oh, you really didn't need to...

I really did.

[♪♪♪]

[MUSIC THUMPS ON GYM SPEAKERS]

Ooh...

not as fiery as before, huh?

Good job.

You're so cute.

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

All right! Time, guys. Switch it up!

Okay.

[HUSHED] So?

Is it my imagination or what?

Oh, it's real.

Really?

Yeah.

[LAUGHING]

- Okay. Come on!
- Okay.

If it isn't Jimmy Choo.

These are the affidavits we collected

from Michelle Fischer's victims.

The seven we met.

I'm sure there are more.

I told you, there's nothing I can do.

We got her arrested today

on an outstanding warrant.

She's in custody,

awaiting extradition to the States

to face other charges.

Wow!

You're the first family
lawyer I've ever met

to catch a fugitive.

Uh, so, I was hoping...

you might be able to work
with your American colleagues

to pursue justice for all her victims.

Mm. Seems like the least I could do.

Can I take you out to dinner?

You can tell me how
you managed to find her,

let alone get her arrested.

Wow.

Uh...

thanks,

but I'm meeting my boyfriend.

Oh.

He's a firefighter

a-and not just a palate cleanser.

[BEN LAUGHS]

You could've just said no.

- I should go.
- See you around.

♪ If looks could k*ll ♪

♪ We're guilty ♪