DAGWOOD: Uh-uh, uh-uh.
Don't touch that dial.
Blondie!
[♪♪♪]
[♪♪♪]
[INDISTINCT CHATTER]
-Fellows, fellows, I'm sorry.
-About what?
You had the interviews,
you had them, please.
I'm sorry, fellows. Goodnight,
we'll see you later. Goodnight.
Gee, I've never saw somebody's
eyes bugging out at me.
Either they've never seen
an actress before
or this whole town
must have a thyroid condition.
Don't worry. Their eyes will go
right back to normal
-as soon as you leave town.
-Unzip me, huh?
Now, look. We'll stay here
for two more days, see?
We put up
the picture right here.
And then for the next town,
I've got a great stunt.
We pick out a guy
that's kind of prominent.
We tell the newspapers
that you and he
were old high school
sweethearts.
Well, let's not say old.
We'll say
that you still love him
and the main reason
for playing this town,
for doing a personal appearance
is that so you can
see him again.
You got the idea?
Sure, I get it.
I still love him.
The spark is still burning.
I'm crazy about him.
And then, we give
the newspaper men
a juicy interview with you, see?
And then this town...
Now, believe me,
they're gonna fight, they'll
fight to get in the theater.
You just leave the rest to me.
-Who is he?
-I picked out a guy.
He's the president of the
Junior Chamber of Commerce.
Now wait until you hear
this guy's name.
It's gonna k*ll you.
Dagwood Bumstead. [CHUCKLES]
Dagwood Bumstead.
Dagwood. My dream man.
[♪♪♪]
Dagwood.
Breakfast's on the table.
DAGWOOD: Coming, Blondie.
Well, good morning, Daisy.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
[DAISY GRUMBLES]
Oh, you wanna get paid first,
huh?
[DAISY BARKS EXCITEDLY]
Here you are.
-[GASPS] Dagwood.
-DAGWOOD: Coming, Blondie.
DAGWOOD: Perfect gift, huh?
Dagwood, there's something
about you in the morning paper.
Well, whatever they're
blaming me for, I didn't do it.
What is it?
Do you know
who Vivian Valentine is?
Oh, yeah! She's that actress
that had that...
Well, you know,
when you look at it she...
Can't you describe her
without waving your hands?
Oh, no. She's got one of those
wavy figures. [CHUCKLES]
What about her, huh?
Well, it says here in the paper
that the only reason
Vivian Valentine is doing
a personal appearance in town
-is to see you.
-Me?
To see Dagwood Bumstead,
a high school sweetheart.
Well, let me see it, Blondie.
"Ms. Valentine smiled wistfully
as she referred to him
as her one and only true love
and recalled their first kiss
in high school
in front of her locker."
Is she talking about me?
Look for yourself,
you high school smoocher.
You never told me
you knew Vivian Valentine.
I didn't know it either.
I... I might have known her
as somebody else.
After all, I went to three
different high schools.
Well,
I can't remember everybody.
Do you remember this?
Oh. My, how she's changed.
[CHUCKLES]
That must've been the year
I lost interest in everything
but my stamp collection.
She doesn't look familiar?
Not only familiar but...
friendly. Rawr, rawr.
Now, think about that time
you kissed her.
-Go ahead.
-Why?
I wanna see if anything happens
to your pulse.
-Now go ahead and think.
-Well, I am gonna see now.
[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]
BLONDIE: Dagwood!
-Your pulse feels like a salmon.
-Huh?
What? Dagwood!
Oh, hello, Blondie.
Oh, excuse me.
I was out of town
for a little while.
-HERB: Dagwood, are you home?
-BLONDIE: Oh.
You sly ol' rascal.
You've seen the morning paper?
Yeah, it took me a little while
but I saw it.
Blondie,
did you know that Dagwood
is one of the most
fascinating men in the world?
-So, I hear.
-Oh, that was just one
of the little many
high school romances I had.
You know,
I've never noticed it before,
but the boy
really is fascinating.
May I have your autograph,
Mr. Bumstead?
Oh, please, please.
No autographs.
Dagwood, I wanna know if there's
any truth to all this.
-Well, it might be.
-Well, you know the old saying.
Where there's smoke,
there's fire. [LAUGHS]
Yes, and Vivian Valentine
was one of those
three alarm blazers
you just can't put out. [LAUGHS]
Tell me all about it, Dagwood.
Was she as good-looking then
as she is now?
Well, she was a little more
boyish then
in a girly sort of way. [LAUGHS]
Yeah, but she was sure
crazy about me.
Always hanging around
just looking at me
with those great, big,
beautiful eyes.
Our lockers were right next
to each other in high school.
[CHUCKLES] But I never paid
very much attention to her.
In fact, I wouldn't even
give her the time of day.
-Dagwood.
-Oh.
-What time is it?
-Oh, please. Stop pestering me.
I'm sorry.
I didn't mean to make you mad.
Because I like you.
Well, I guess I'll just have
to put these away
until tennis season starts.
I like you a lot.
I think you're the most
fascinating man in school.
Oh, gosh,
that's what all the girls say.
But it's true.
I guess you get tired
of hearing it.
Yes, it kind of gets
monotonous at that.
[♪♪♪]
I didn't know
you were a musician.
-You play beautifully.
-Thanks.
Dagwood, I'm giving a party.
If I invite you, will you come?
Oh, sure.
Harold, now where did
that little devil go?
Dagwood, do you like to play
post office?
[LAUGHS] Oh, yes.
As long as I get to deliver
those special delivery
registered, return receipt
requested letters.
Oh, you would.
You'd be the postmaster.
Oh, who else
is going to be there?
-Just you and me.
-Oh.
[CLEARS THROAT]
Uh-oh. There he is.
Harold, we've been looking
all over for you.
[SCREAMS] A mouse.
Oh, Dagwood, protect me.
[THUNDER RUMBLING]
Dagwood, I'll never forget
this moment as long as I live.
[♪♪♪]
Harold, did she frighten you?
So, we got friendlier
and friendlier.
Well, I guess it was just
one of those things.
[SIGHS] Why didn't you tell me
this before?
Oh, you know how jealous
you are, Blondie.
Dagwood, will you introduce me
to her when she gets here?
Oh, I'll think about it, Herb.
Oop. Time to get to work,
buddy, buddy.
Oh. [CHUCKLES]
You know, I think I'll just
do walk to the bus this morning.
I might even see her.
-Oh, Dagwood.
-Huh?
Aren't you gonna kiss me
goodbye?
Of course, Blondie.
[LAUGHS] Very good.
[SIGHS]
-Goodbye, Dagwood.
-Goodbye, Vivian.
Dagwood!
Blondie, isn't it wonderful
to be married to a celebrity?
-Oh, Herb. Stop it.
-Well, goodbye.
Thank you. Bye.
-Oh, Mr. Bumstead.
-Oh, good morning.
-Oh, wait.
-Huh?
Oh. What's the matter?
Is there a little smudge
on my nose?
No. But Vivian Valentine said
you're the most fascinating man
she's ever met and I was
just trying to get the message.
Oh. Well, am I getting through
to you? [LAUGHS]
Yes. Yeah.
Tell me, what was it like?
-Like?
-Kissing her, I mean.
Oh, oh, that. [CLEARS THROAT]
Well, did you ever
kiss somebody who was running
a hundred and fifty degree
temperature
and get struck by lightning
at the same time?
-Uh-uh.
-Oh, well,
-then you wouldn't understand.
-Oh, Mr. Bumstead.
-Huh?
-Not that there's anything
personal in this,
but would you do me a favor?
-Well...
-Would you kiss me?
Well, I think just the same
but I... I...
-MR. DITHERS: Oh, Bumstead.
-...I have to go now.
Oh, good... good morning,
Mr. Dithers.
Hello, Dagwood, you dog.
Oh, did you read that story
in the paper?
His first kiss had the sudden
excitement of a tropical storm.
Wild, tempestuous, unrestrained.
Yeah, I kind of clouded up
and rained all over her,
didn't I? [LAUGHS]
According to this,
you must be among the world's
most scintillating men.
-Huh?
-Amazing.
Dagwood,
I have good news for you.
-Uh-huh.
-I am going to make you
temporary vice president
of the J.C. Dithers
Construction Company.
Yeah, but there must be
a catch in it.
Just how temporary is it?
Until Vivian Valentine
leaves town.
I'll be frank.
Whenever the newspapers
mention your name...
-Uh-huh.
-...I want them to mention
the Dithers Construction
Company, too.
Yeah, well,
then I'll be frank too.
I refuse.
You'll have to pay
for that publicity, Mr. Dithers.
No, just a minute, Bumstead.
Who do you think you are?
One of the world's
most scintillating men. [LAUGHS]
Oh, well, all right. I'll give
you a ten-dollar bonus.
-Make it a 100 dollars.
-I'll make it 20.
-Sold.
-It's a deal.
In advance.
Dagwood, my boy,
don't you trust me?
All right. And you'll
cooperate with me fully?
-Naturally.
-All right. Good.
I told the papers
that you would kiss
Vivian Valentine on the stage
of the Strand Theater
tomorrow night.
Oh, that'll be kind
of like the old times.
I'm a little out of practice...
[SCREAMS] What?
Oh, no. As a matter of fact,
I ought to charge you
for arranging it.
What's the number
of the newspaper?
I'm gona to stop the presses.
You can't stop now.
You can't back out.
What would people say
if you refuse to kiss her?
Yeah, but what will Blondie say
if I do?
Oh, you can explain it
to Blondie.
After all, aren't you one
of world's most fascinating men?
Yeah, that's me, all right.
And I have to kiss one of the
world's most fascinating girls.
How did I ever get
mixed up in this?
Cora, every single one
of the girls at the women's club
asked me about Dagwood.
And what questions?
Oh, it was awful.
Well, you can't blame them.
You've seen pictures of
Vivian Valentine, haven't you?
-BLONDIE: Yes.
-Oh, when they passed out
beautiful figures, she went back
and got a second helping.
[CLICKS TONGUE] I know. I know.
So, when a girl like that
says that Dagwood
is the most fascinating man
she's ever met,
naturally every woman in town
is interested in him.
Hey, Mom.
-Hi, Mrs. Dithers.
-Hello, Alexander.
Hey, let me know
when Pop comes in, would you?
I'd like to have a little
man to man talk with him
-about women.
-I'll tell him.
You know, sure is hard
to believe that Pop
was once a big wheeler and
dealer with the dolls, isn't it?
Well, that's life. [CHUCKLES]
Anyway, Cora,
all the girls seem to think
there's something special
about Dagwood.
Well, all I can say
is maybe there is.
You mean there's something about
Dagwood I don't appreciate?
It could be.
I think he's kind of cute.
Of course he's not my type.
After all,
your type is Mr. Dithers.
Oh, yes. [SIGHS]
Oh, I love a good
old-fashioned heel.
Oh, Julius is wonderful.
Do you know he can look right
into my eyes and lie to me?
Of course, I can look right back
and tell he's doing it.
DAGWOOD: Blondie.
Oh, oh, there you are.
Hello, Mrs. Dithers.
-Hello, you mad impetuous man.
-Dagwood, what happened?
And where did you get
all this lipstick?
Just as soon as I stepped out
of the Dithers Company,
I was up to my neck in women.
They chased me
and tore my clothes
and kissed me
and it all was awful.
-Some of the times. [LAUGHS]
-See, Blondie?
Dagwood, I wanna apologize
for some of the things
-I said to you this morning.
-Uh-huh.
I guess, I just
haven't appreciated
what a wonderful
husband you are.
Oh, thank you, dear.
And I accept
your apologies, too.
Thank you, dear.
But don't press your luck.
-[THUD ON DOOR]
-What was that?
Oh, that's probably some lady
fainting so I'd carry her in.
No, that's the evening paper.
I'll get it.
Oh, no. I'll get it.
Oh, no. I'll get it.
You talk to Blondie.
Oh, no.
Wow, there must be something
interesting in the paper.
I think the dogs
want us to read it.
-Here.
-Let me have it, Mrs. Dithers.
-Oh, no. I got it. [GASPS] Egad.
-What is it, Cora?
Bumstead will kiss
Vivian Valentine
on stage tomorrow night.
-[GASPS] Oh, Dagwood.
-Oh, m*rder.
Dagwood, did you say you would?
Well, not exactly.
All I said was... yes.
Well, all I say is no.
I don't really wanna kiss her,
Blondie.
But if I don't,
then everybody will laugh at me.
-Hey, Pop.
-Yeah?
There's something
I'd like to say to you.
And what is it, Alexander?
-Rawr, rawr.
Oh. Thank you, son.
Just think, Mom.
Vivian Valentine
is mad about Pop.
But he's in love with you,
so that makes you
-better than a movie star.
-[CHUCKLES]
-Say, Pop?
-Huh?
What's the secret
to your success?
-Yes. I'd like to hear this too.
-Well, son.
The first thing is not to care
whether they care.
And the second thing is
to pick a girl
who cares when you don't care.
And the third thing is,
well, if you get that far,
then you don't care anyway.
[CHUCKLES]
Yeah... did you get it?
-Well, it's a little baffling.
-Yeah.
But I'll give it a whirl
on a girl.
So long, Pop.
Dagwood, I think I'll let you
go through with it.
-Huh?
-Blondie,
-you are out of your mind.
-I don't know.
It's kind of nice to have
a husband that Vivian Valentine
thinks is worth kissing
in public.
Oh. [CHUCKLES]
But, Dagwood,
there will be positively
no rehearsing tomorrow,
Is that clear?
[SIGHS] Yes, ma'am.
[♪♪♪]
PHOTOGRAPHER:
Hold it. Thank you.
Naturally, fellows,
Ms. Valentine
does not want to interfere
with Bumstead's happiness.
That's the reason why
she's only gonna see him
on stage tonight.
You got that? Hmm?
But the glowing embers
of our love
are still burning
deep inside me.
And I'll never forget it. Never.
Exactly what's
so fascinating about him?
Well, Dagwood was kind of
a continental type.
Smooth and sophisticated
and smartly dressed.
-Good evening, Robert.
-Bumstead.
[♪♪♪]
-Give me some rum.
-Sorry, monsieur. I will.
DAGWOOD: Wait.
-Dagwood.
-Darling.
-Dagwood.
-Darling.
-Dagwood.
-Darl...
Whatever happened
to John and Washam?
They're waiting inside.
-Do you remember?
-Divinely.
[♪♪♪]
He was so suave,
so Noel Coward-ly.
Dagwood Bumstead, Noel Coward?
Maybe, but perhaps he's changed.
Well, he must have.
All I've ever seen him do
that impressed me
was catch a bus that had
a two-block head start.
As he went by,
all you saw was a blur
-wearing a bow tie.
-[LAUGHTER]
-Well, I...
-I... [CLEARS THROAT]
I understand that he was quite
a football player.
-A football--
-Oh, yeah. Tell him that story
-you told me.
-Oh, I couldn't. It...
it breaks my heart
to think of it.
Oh, We'd love to hear the story,
Ms. Valentine.
Go ahead. Break your heart
just a little, huh?
Well, I was the
school cheerleader.
And Dagwood
was the star halfback.
And we were
so very much in love.
We planned to be married
when we graduated.
Then one day,
I heard I won a chance
to be in a Hollywood picture.
I found Dagwood by the lockers
at school.
It isn't tennis season yet.
-Oh, Dagwood.
-Darling.
I just had the most
wonderful bad news.
I heard all about it,
you're going to Hollywood.
Dagwood,
I can't bear to leave you.
But it's a chance
I've always dreamed of.
But what about our dream?
The little vine-covered cottage
for two by a waterfall
for just you and me?
And later, there will be three.
-Four.
-Uh-huh?
-There were twins in my family.
-Oh, yeah.
Oh, Dagwood.
I have to leave tonight.
Let's get married
and go to Hollywood together.
I can't.
We're playing the big game
with San Dusky tomorrow.
And that would be
breaking training
and I promised the coach
ten touchdowns.
-Ten touchdowns?
-Oh, of course
that would
just be in the first half.
Darling, I'm afraid the hour
of parting is here.
Oh, Dagwood.
I can't bear to leave.
Hold me tight. Hold me close.
Wait until I get rid
of the football.
[GLASS SHATTERING]
[THUNDER RUMBLING]
Huh?
Oh, darling. Come now, be brave.
-Give me a little smile.
-Oh, Dagwood.
Whatever is going
to become of us?
Oh, someday, we'll meet again.
perhaps when you're a big
Hollywood star.
And I know you'll have
success, too.
-Someday you'll be president...
-Yes.
...of the Junior Chamber
of Commerce.
Come on, we've still got time
to run across the street
and get a story from Bumstead
before we go to press.
Oh, what's the rush?
What's the ru--
All right, fellows.
Let's break it up.
Let's break it up. Ms. Valentine
is emotionally upset, fellows.
Let's go, huh?
Come on, everybody go, let's go.
Uh, thank you very much,
Ms. Valentine.
When I get home tonight,
I'm gonna throw rocks
at my wife.
Goodnight, fellows. Goodnight.
And furthermore, Bumstead,
I want you to go out
and buy a new suit.
-Yeah but... but--
-Your appearance is
-very important.
-Yeah, but--
And a representative of the J.C.
Dithers Construction Company
-must be smartly dressed.
-Yes, but... but... but...
-Will you shut off that motor?
-Yes.
And remember,
if you are ever going to be
a permanent vice president,
you must dress like one.
Clothes makes the man, you know.
Okay. But will you pay for half
the man that'll make me?
All right. I'll buy the pants.
Okay. We're going to take...
Oh, hello, fellows.
I'm J.C. Dithers,
president of J.C. Dithers
Construction Company and I--
Bumstead, we wanna get
some pictures of you.
I didn't know you ever
played football
but Vivian Valentine told us
all about it.
-Football?
-Yeah. She said in one game
you scored ten touchdowns
in the first half.
Is there any truth to that?
Oh, no. It was really only
eight or nine.
[LAUGHS]
I'm J.C. Dithers, President--
Did you ever kiss
Vivian Valentine?
No, but I'm willing to.
What? Don't just stand there.
Pass out my business card
so they'll spell my name
correctly.
-Go ahead.
-Yes, sir.
-DAGWOOD: Huh?
-First, I want a close sh*t
for a caption that'll say,
"These are the lips that kissed
the lips of Vivian Valentine."
Oh, geez, fellows.
This is kind of silly.
Couldn't agree with you more.
Wait, well how about one of me
congratulating Dagwood?
-Card?
-Later.
-Pucker up, Bumstead.
-Huh?
Pucker up! This way.
Oh, no. Oh, oh.
And get a picture of... of him
demonstrating how he kissed
-Vivian Valentine.
-Where did everybody go?
-Who turned on the lights?
-Never mind.
-Just hold her in your arms.
-Huh?
-That's it. That's it.
-Oh, no, no. No, no.
-Pass out the cards.
-I'm busy.
Uh-huh?
Hold it.
[BREATHES HEAVILY]
What... what happened?
-I got the message.
-What message? What happened?
-You all right, Mr. Dithers?
-Yeah.
How the style has changed
in my generation.
I feel sorry for your father
if I didn't think
he was enjoying this more
than just a little bit.
I can't complain.
Every girl in school
is thinking of me
as the fascinating son
of the most fascinating man
in the world.
Excuse me.
Yes?
-Are you Mrs. Dagwood Bumstead?
-Yes, I am.
And are you Stanley Jackson,
Ms. Valentine's personal manager
and press agent?
Well, yeah,
but... how did you know?
Because you still got
your hat on.
Oh. Oh, excuse me.
It's just been so long
since I met a lady. Lady?
Thank you.
Ms. Valentine wanted me
to give you these roses.
What are these,
a consolation prize?
No, they're just for being
so understanding.
You're sure they won't explode
or anything?
Oh, I assure you, Ms. Valentine
would never do
a thing like that. Never.
Unless of course, you...
you happened to be an actress
-in the same picture with her.
-Well, thank you then.
And I suppose I ought
to congratulate you
on a pretty clever
publicity stunt.
Well, I... I won't admit it
but thank you very much.
And then you'll let your husband
go to the theater, won't you?
Yes, but I do hope that when
Ms. Valentine kisses him,
-well, uh...
-I understand.
I'll see that she doesn't
turn on that too much heat.
Thank you for your cooperation.
And thank you for being
so complementary.
-Oh, one more question.
-Yes?
Now, that we understand
each other,
do I have to give
the roses back?
On the contrary, I'll see
that you get another dozen,
-maybe two dozen.
-[CHUCKLES] Thank you.
[♪♪♪]
And that, dear friends,
is what a day of my life
-in Hollywood is like.
-[APPLAUSE]
-Now don't be nervous, dear.
-Huh?
Oh, your new tuxedo
looks wonderful.
-Yeah.
-You look like you are worth
a lot more money
than you're getting.
You'll never get it from Julius.
He's too stingy.
I'll never mind the hints.
I paid for the pants
and the cummerbund.
A... cummerbund?
The little tummy tuck in,
Bumstead.
-Oh.
-And if you're unhappy about it,
I'll take them back right now.
Yeah. Yeah, I'm thirsty.
I got to get a glass of water.
No, you don't.
You just get ready
to pucker up, buddy.
Oh, look at that stunning
stack of stuff out there.
-Julius?
-Sorry, my dear.
And now, friends,
and you are my friends,
I've been promised
that once again,
I'll see the man I have so many
wonderful memories of.
The man you know
as the Vice President
of the J.C. Dithers
Construction Company.
Mr. Dagwood Bumstead.
-Come on, Bumstead.
-Wait a minute...
-Before you go out there, dear.
-Huh?
Here's something I want you
to keep in mind.
Well, please, Blondie.
That's enough. Come on, Dagwood.
Wasn't that cute?
[CROWD LAUGHING]
Come here, you wonderful man.
Oh, I've waited so long
to see you.
I dreamed of this
so many nights.
[CROWD APPLAUDING, WHISTLING]
Huh? That wasn't much.
What happened to the thunder
and lightning?
Bumstead, what are you saying?
It was much better in front
of the high school lockers.
-This is nothing.
-Nothing?
Oh, and try it on him.
-[CROWD WHISTLING]
-Am I next?
-CORA: [SCREAMS] Julius!
-[LAUGHTER]
[CROWD CONTINUES CHEERING]
[THUNDER RUMBLING]
[SIGHS] Rawr, rawr.
You know, Blondie,
I don't remember
knowing Vivian Valentine
at any school I ever went to.
I'm afraid it was a stunt.
But you got a beautiful
new tuxedo out of it.
-Yeah.
-And Mr. Dithers is gonna get
-all kinds of publicity.
-Mm-hmm.
And as for me, well,
I'm kind of happy
that you prefer me
to a glamour girl. [CHUCKLES]
MR. DITHERS:
Oh, Bumstead, where are you?
Oh, in here, Mr. Dithers.
I wonder what he wants.
He's probably out selling
his autographs.
Oh, hello. Do you mind
if I stay here tonight?
-Cora evicted me.
-Really?
Yeah. Threw me out bodily
because I refused
to open my eyes and look at her.
-Oh, that's a shame.
-Oh, poor, Mr. Dithers.
Oh, don't feel sorry for me.
I'm a happy man. I've lived.
[LAUGHTER]
[♪♪♪]