DAGWOOD: Uh-uh,-uh-uh.
Don't touch that dial.
Blondie.
[♪♪♪]
Bumstead, come on,
do your work in your office.
Wh... What happened? Huh?
-Did a little man come by here?
-What, yeah, he went that way.
Bumstead.
Bumstead, at least come in
to the office
before you lie down for a nap.
Some days,
some man just can't win.
[♪♪♪]
Nobody's suspicious outside,
everything is okay.
Yes, everything is okay,
Except, we've got to get
that microfilm back.
Their Electronic Fire
Control System
is two years ahead of ours,
even though we invented it.
I had to hide it, Greta.
What if that government
man caught me
and found the microfilm?
Yeah,
that would be good bye, Andre.
You've got a horrible
sense of humor.
Gus, you go back there
and wait for the man
until he comes out for lunch.
Get that hat and bring it here.
I will deliver it
to our contact man.
Okay. But who is
our contact man?
That is only for me to know.
What if something
happens to you?
Nothing will.
What's this guy with the hat
look like?
Oh, he's a funny-looking guy
in a blue suit,
his name is Bumstead.
-Make sure he doesn't see you.
-He won't see nothing but stars.
[♪♪♪]
DAWOOD: Lunch time.
MR. DITHERS:
Bumstead, come here.
DAGWOOD: Huh?
For your own good, my boy,
I'm penalizing you three minutes
for unnecessary clock watching.
Now, go over there
and stand in the corner.
[MR. DITHERS GRUNTS]
[BIRDS CHIRPING]
Huh?
Huh?
Hello, darling.
I brought you some roses.
Mr. Dithers!
He's getting romantic
in his old age.
So, I got the wrong man.
But, it was a beautiful job.
He hardly knew what hit him.
It was artistic,
that's what it was, artistic.
I'm very proud of you.
But we are being paid
for results.
Not to what
the American call goofing.
Huh, at least Dagwood posted
Get out there and get that hat.
And if you goofer it up,
I will show you
how I handle a man.
[♪♪♪]
DAGWOOD: Blondie, I'm home.
[DOOR SLAMS]
I'm in the kitchen, dear.
Hi, Blondie, dear.
Honestly Dagwood, I wish you
wouldn't slam the front door.
That's the third salt
and pepper set
I've lost this month.
It's getting to be
a major expense.
Yeah. Well,
it's, kind of, windy day,
I closed it gently,
but the wind
must have slammed it.
How's everything
at the office this morning?
Oh, I don't know. Mr. Dithers
is acting kind of sleepy.
And when I left him
he was taking a little nap
on his desk,
with his nose in the inkwell.
Oh, I... I don't know
what's wrong with him. [SIGHS]
He's acting kinda knocked out.
Oh dear, somebody just came in.
Uh, that must be Cookie
or one of her friends.
Uh-hmm. Daisy.
[DAISY BARKS]
Go, see who it is
and come back and report to me.
[DAISY GROWLING]
Oh, it was Cookie all right.
Daisy just brought me
her cap p*stol.
Uh, they certainly make them
look realistic these days.
-Yeah.
-[g*nsh*t FIRES]
And they put real b*ll*ts
in them, too, don't they?
[WHIMPERS] It's a real g*n.
-Dagwood, who's out there?
-I... I don't know.
But come on, g*ng.
We'll get him.
[DOGS BARKING]
After him, men.
[DOGS BARKING]
Who were they after?
Oh, look, Dagwood, your hats
are all over the place.
Huh? Oh.
Blondie, you...
you've heard of cat burglars?
-Yes.
-Well, this seems
to be something new,
a hat burglar.
At the Dithers
Construction Company,
we'll be delighted to do
the work for you, Ms. Peterson.
In fact, I'll supervise
the remodeling myself.
To be frank, Mr. Dithers,
I would prefer to have
your Mr. Dagwood Bumstead
-in charge.
-Oh, no.
I heard many good things
about him.
-Please call him in.
-Oh, very well.
Bumstead, come in here,
you lucky dog.
-[DOG BARKS]
-DAGWOOD: Mr. Dithers.
Oh, Lord. [CHUCKLES]
You see, he's a little
on a weird side.
I'm sure,
I could do a much better job
for you, Ms. Peterson.
My, you do have such big
brown eyes, Mr. Dithers.
-MR. DITHER: Hmm...
-What did you want Mr. Di-- Huh?
Oh, for heaven's sake, Bumstead,
stop staring.
DAGWOOD: Oh. [CHUCKLES]
Ms. Peterson,
this is Mr. Bumstead.
Oh, Mr. Bumstead,
what a pleasure to meet you.
Oh, thank you, well,
you're very, um... well.
Oh, thank you.
Uh, you see, Ms. Peterson
has been an actress in Europe.
And she's planning on opening
this grand theater
after we remodel it
for stage presentation.
Oh, that's fine. [CHUCKLES]
Perhaps, I could persuade you
to be my leading man.
Oh, I don't think so. I--
I... I've had some theatrical
experience, Ms. Peterson.
Well, Mr. Dithers, I'm afraid
you're not tall enough.
Oh, why wasn't I born
into a family of giants?
-Oh, there, there, Mr. Dithers.
-No, Bumstead!
What's the matter, Mr. Dithers?
Oh, I got into some, kind of,
accident around the lunch time,
and I think I walked out
the door just as opportunity
was about to knock,
and knocked on me by mistake.
Oh, you poor dear thing.
-Oh, Mr. Bumstead.
-Huh?
Could we go over to the theater
and take a look at it now?
[CHUCKLES] Oh, sure.
My dear attorney's assistant
will be there.
-Uh-huh.
-And please wear a hat.
I'm sure you're the type
who'd look
very distinguished in a hat.
Oh, oh, okay,
Mr. Peterson, I will.
I... I'll get my hat
and go along with you.
No, Mr. Dithers.
Opportunity knocked
for you this morning,
Now, this is
Mr. Bumstead's turn.
Oh.
You know, Ms. Peterson,
I don't get a chance
to get backstage very much.
You'll find it very interesting.
-Hmm.
-This is Mr. Gustavo,
-my director.
-Oh, how do you do?
-And his assistant, Mr. Martin.
-Oh, Mr. Martin.
I know Mr. Martin,
once he was a salt of the Earth.
[LAUGHS]
[LAUGHS] Wonderful
sense of humor.
And such a good-looking hat.
-Oh.
-[GRUNTS]
Well, it's just an ordinary hat
except what's in a headband.
What is the in headband?
-Oh, a... a duck feather.
-Oh.
Well, let's have a little look
around, huh?
[CHUCKLES]
Do something, only make it
-look like an accident.
-Oui.
Otherwise the police
will connect it with us.
-Oui.
-[GUS CLEARS THROAT]
I... I think I'll check up
in the fly.
Oh, I... I'll see
what is behind the backdrop.
The stage is rather small.
So, we may have
to put in a revolving section.
O... O... Oh,
that could be done. [CHUCKLES]
Oh, look at this. [LAUGHS]
It looks like it was left over
from Hamlet. [CHUCKLES]
Alas, poor Yorick.
I knew him well, Horatio?
[GRETA SCREAMS]
Wha.... wh... wh...
what happened?
ANDRE: Oh sorry, Mr. Bumstead.
I was swatting a spider
on the backdrop.
Yeah?
What were you swatting it,
with a baseball bat?
ANDRE: No, with this.
[GRUMBLES] Don't do that.
Andre, be more careful.
Yeah, you just missed me.
ANDRE: It won't happen again,
Mr. Bumstead.
-So careless.
-Yeah, I know.
Well, now let's see where we can
work in this revolving stage.
Well, let's look at it
from over here a bit.
DAGWOOD: Mm-hmm.
This might be the right spot
for the revolving stage.
Yeah, or maybe
if the center was right here.
-Mr. Bumstead.
-ANDRE: Uh, Look out below.
Look out below?
What are you doing up there?
ANDRE: Gee, I'm sorry,
I slipped.
[PANTS] But why can't you
be more careful?
What are you trying
to do, k*ll me?
-ANDRE: Uh... No, Mr. Bumstead.
-Yeah.
-You see what that is?
-Huh?
Oh, that's just a rope.
See what it's doing here.
-Oh, well, now. What--
-For me.
Uh , oh... oh, sure.
Oh. It's a little wobbly,
isn't it?
Yes, I know.
I'll hold it for you.
-Oh.
-Come over here.
-Huh? Oh, I'm--
-And sit down.
I'm shaking like a leaf.
-And don't move.
-Yes. Oh.
Oh, I'm too nervous to sit down.
Look. But fellas,
will you please try and be
a little more careful? Oh.
-Huh?
-I was just admiring your hat.
-Look what happened.
-Yeah, well.
-I'm sorry.
-Don't worry about it.
That's just an old hat.
Daisy hid my favorite one,
the one I had on this morning.
Oh, my. I didn't know
show business
could be so dangerous.
[♪♪♪]
-Boo.
-[GRUMBLES]
It's only me, Daddy.
-Oh, Cookie, you startled me.
-I know.
-I see you're home.
-Yeah.
-What's the matter?
-Oh, I don't know.
I just had a feeling
somebody was following me
-all the way home.
-Oh, that's silly.
You had that kind of feeling
last week, Mommy, remember?
Well, yes.
But I was being followed
by that man who whistled at me.
Did anybody whistle
at you, Daddy?
Oh, I'm just being nervous,
that's all.
Oh, honey,
you're just imagining things.
-Well, there's nobody outside.
-Huh?
No, I... [PANTS]
I guess not.
[expl*si*n]
Huh?
[GASPS]
Blondie, these kids
in this neighborhood
are getting dangerous.
Oh, dang. Huh.
Hey, you, whoever you are,
don't ever try that again.
[METAL VIBRATING]
-Who did that?
-Oh, some little kid
threw a Kn*fe in the door.
A Kn*fe? But that doesn't sound
like a child.
I know some boy scouts
who have knives.
Oh, a boy scout
couldn't do that.
And look, Cookie,
don't you start being nervous
there's no point being nervous
just because somebody is outside
throwing knives a...
at your daddy.
I'm going out there
and telling them to cut it out.
You stay where you are,
young lady.
We don't really know
that anything is wrong at all.
No, I... I wish... [PANTS]
...Alexander
hadn't stayed all night
with Bill Cunningham.
Well, if you need any help
just call me.
[GRUNTS]
-Thanks, honey.
-I... I'm not really worried,
but well, after all we did have
that Hat burglar.
Oh, did you call the police
about that?
-Yes.
-Hey, wh... what'd he say?
He said, "Lady,
have you been drinking?"
Well, I was so mad, I hiccupped.
And then I was
so embarrassed, I hung up.
Mm, yeah. Well, I...
I'm not really worried either
but just the same. I'm going
to put the dogs on sentry duty
while... [PANTS]
...while you fix dinner.
Come on, g*ng. Come on, g*ng.
-[DOGS BARKING]
-Come on, Daisy.
Daisy, come here, Daisy,
come here now.
No, no, no, yo... you...
you stay right here, not there.
N... Now listen fellas,
I got jobs for all of you.
Now, Daisy I want you to stay
here and watch this door.
And the rest of you fellas,
come on with me.
-Come on, g*ng.
-[DOGS BARKING]
Come on, g*ng. Come on.
Come on, fellas.
Now look, look, Junior.
If anyone sneaks in
at the window,
you bite him and then
ask questions afterwards.
Come on, Elmer.
Now. N... Now, I want you
to keep your eyes open.
Elmer, a... and remember,
yo... you're not
a helpless little dog,
you're a roaring lion.
[ELMER ROARS]
Come on, fellas.
[DOGS BARKING]
Hey, hey, n... n... now look,
Micky, if there's any trouble,
you just bark for the corporal
of the guards.
Huh, that's me. Come on, g*ng.
There you are, there you are.
Now look. N... now, Sam,
you watch that door
and Lucy, you watch Sam.
Honestly, I think it's funny
the way we got panicky
over any little thing.
Yeah, all that excitement
about nothing.
Gee, I had a b*mb ready to drop
on anybody who sneak in
around the house.
DAGWOOD: Uh-hmm. [CHUCKLES]
-[GLASS PLATE CLINGS]
-[GASPS]
Dagwood, what's the matter?
I... I saw a face in the window.
-[GASPS] Are you sure?
-Yes, it was horrible.
Snarling face of a k*ller who--
Huh?
Oh. Oh, I... I guess
it's just a reflection
of my face in the glass.
[CHUCKLES]
-[DOG BARKING]
-Maybe it wasn't a reflection.
[DOG BARKING]
All right, after me, men.
On second thought, you go first.
[DOGS BARKING]
[DOGS BARKING]
Good work, Daisy. Okay, Elmer.
[DOG BARKING]
DAGWOOD: Look!
[PANTS] The window's open,
somebody tried to get in.
-Oh, I don't think so.
-Why?
-Because I left it open.
-Oh.
There might
be somebody out there.
[RADIO STATIC]
Oh, it's just that
grandfather's clock.
[RADIO STATIC]
Oh, that clock is the noisiest
member of our family.
Shut up, grandpa.
[RADIO STATIC STOPS]
Look, Blondie.
there's no point of our just
sitting around and worrying.
I'm going out and have a look
around this house.
Oh, aren't you afraid?
Afraid? Heck, no,
I'm scared to death.
It's just like
going to a dentist.
I'd rather get it
over with right now.
-Dagwood.
-[GRUMBLES]
Don't do that.
I just wanna know
if you were all right.
No, I'm not all right.
I'm nervous.
-I'm sorry, dear.
-Yeah. Shh.
COOKIE: Bombs away!
-[expl*si*n]
-Oh.
Blondie. [WHIMPERS]
-Try the other way.
-Oui, I'll try.
-Hurry up, Andre.
-I'm doing the best I can.
Huh, there we are.
If he wears the hat,
we'll get the microfilm
out of the headband
and get all this done.
If he doesn't,
I'll keep him here.
You go to his house
and get it any way you can.
Gee, Daddy, I'm sorry
about my b*mb exploding
-on your head.
-Yeah.
-Oh, your poor dear head.
-[PHONE RINGS]
-Hello?
-PETERSON: Mr. Bumstead, please.
-It's for you, Daddy.
-Oh.
It sounds like a blonde,
-but it might be a brunette.
-Hmm.
Hello? Oh, Ms. Peterson.
I know it's very inconvenient
but could you please meet me
at the Dithers company
in a half hour?
I have some important things
I must talk over with you.
[CHUCKLES] Well, Ms. Peterson,
it's kind of dark outside.
-And I don't think--
-PETERSON: Please. For me.
[CHUCKLES] Oh, well.
If it's for you,
I guess, I could be there.
And wear a hat.
You look so handsome in a hat.
I'll be there, goodbye.
[CHUCKLES] Huh?
Who turned the lights on?
[BANGS]
-Who turned the lights on?
-[BIRDS CHIRPING]
You know, I never hit a head
with a prettier sound.
It's, sort of, mellow.
Tie him up,
and take him away somewhere.
Gee, she especially wanted me
to wear my hat
but I can't find it. [CHUCKLES]
She said I'd look real handsome
with my hat.
[CHUCKLES]
Kind of silly, isn't it, huh?
What does she look like?
Oh, you know what actresses
look like,
just like any other girl,
only it's ranked
a little more interestingly.
Well, goodbye, dear.
-Good bye, Cookie.
-Good bye, Daddy.
-Hmm, a brunette, huh?
-Well, you know,
"Mr. Bumstead, please.
This is Ms. Peterson."
[SIGHS] I get the idea.
Hey, Daisy found it.
Cookie, I think you and I
are gonna take this
to the Dithers company
for daddy.
We wouldn't want him
to catch cold, would we?
-Stop it, you make me nervous.
-What do you think I am?
He's coming.
Oh, huh? Hello.
Well, here I am.
Why didn't you wear the hat?
Oh. [CHUCKLES]
Well, I couldn't find it.
Well, what a shame,
it is just that the hat
does something to me.
Oh, it... it does?
Well, maybe you ought to see
a psychiatrist about that.
[LAUGHS]
Oh, I left some plans
at the hotel.
-I'll be right with you.
-Oh, okay.
You know, what to do,
get that hat.
Right.
[♪♪♪]
Gee, I... I don't know
what's keeping him so long.
Why?
Don't you like being here
alone with me?
-Oh, well.
-You look so nice.
Huh? Oh. Excuse me.
[CHUCKLES]
Have you ever been on the stage?
Oh, yes, I played a part
in Charley's Aunt one time.
I played the part of a nice
gray-haired little old lady.
I wanna see how you are
at a love scenes.
Well, I... I'll be right back.
[PANTS] Huh?
Oh, you are wonderful.
Now, let's do it for good.
No, no, no, you... you see,
I'm a happily married man,
married to a nice,
happily married lady,
and I don't think
we should do this, Ms. Peterson.
Never mind the details,
I like you.
Why don't you like me?
Oh, Ms. Peterson, p...
Please, I... I do like you.
Then let us forget
about everything else.
-Huh?
-Kiss me again.
W... Wait a minute, I didn't
kiss you in the first place,
you kissed me, huh.
I'm the customer
and I thought that in America,
the customer
must always be satisfied.
-Oh, yes--
-I will not be satisfied
till you take me
in your arms again.
Oh, that's silly, then nobody
would get any work done.
What is wrong with me?
Am I not what you call
a good-looking dish?
-Please, come here.
-Uh-uh.
Oh, come on.
[CHUCKLES] Well, look,
Ms. Peterson you see,
I'm not just slightly married,
I'm completely married.
I promise I'll be good.
Well... well... well, now,
remember you promised.
-And remember...
-Uh-hmm.
...that I'm going to break
my promise.
Huh?
-You leave Dagwood alone.
-Huh?
Get your hands off me
or I k*ll you.
Oh, no, you won't.
I'll show you not
to mess with my husband.
What happened?
Gee, here's your hat, Daddy.
-Oh, stop them.
-[DOG BARKING]
Look, they're coming
back in again.
[DOG BARKING]
[INDISTINCT QUARRELING]
-You homewrecker, you...
-Settle down, will you, ladies?
You husband kisser, you.
Stay right where you are.
Don't move.
[PANTS] Be careful
with that thing.
MS. PETERSON:
Show me that hat, quick.
I'll just as soon
k*ll you as not.
-Look out.
-Oh, I'll get the g*n.
Oh, good, good,
get that over her.
Okay. Do that.
Good, Dagwood.
There.
Gee, here's your hat again,
Daddy.
I'd like to know
what's going on around here
and what's so important
about this hat?
Yeah. I don't know,
unless it's got a valuable
duck feather in it or something.
All right. Drop the g*n
and put your hands up.
Now, you put that g*n down
or I'll call the police.
Don't move.
Quick, in case we get separated.
what's the name
of our contact man?
Charles Gilbert in Chicago,
the code word is "architect".
Throw me that hat, quick.
Huh?
Gus, get that hat.
[GRUNTS]
Gus, what are you doing?
-GRETA: Get me loose.
-You just stay there.
They're foreign agents
and there's a microfilm
of an important
electronic device
in your headband, Mr. Bumstead.
Andre put it in when he bumped
into you this morning.
Yeah, but who are you?
I'm with the
Army Counter Intelligence,
just boring from within.
I'm sorry, I had to give you
so much of the scare.
Now let's get that hat, huh?
Oh, my goodness.
-Daisy bring that hat back.
-Oh, no. Daisy.
-Come here, Daisy.
-DAGWOOD: Daisy.
Here, Daisy. [WHISTLES]
Oh, yeah, oh,
that's a good girl, Daisy.
Thank you. [PANTS]
Here's the hat.
I'm sorry, I couldn't tip
you off any sooner
but I had to find out who
the contact man was in Chicago,
-he's the kid we want.
-Yeah.
Oh! Oh! Is she a lady spy?
Well, let's just say she's a spy
and she'd just as soon
-k*ll you as look at you.
-Oh.
Oh... oh.
Blondie, grab the room,
is spinning around, you know.
-BLONDIE: Oh.
-Daddy. Wake up, Daddy.
BLONDIE: Oh, are you
all right, honey?
-DAGWOOD: Yeah.
-BLONDIE: Oh.
Yeah, I'm...
I'm feeling much better now.
Well, the boys will lock
them up good and tight.
You've had quite an experience,
haven't you?
Yeah, wait until Mr. Dithers
hears about this.
Mr. Dithers, hey,
I'm glad you reminded me,
he dropped in earlier
and I had to hide him away.
Huh?
-Well, where is he?
-Right here.
Huh?
-Poor, Mr. Dithers.
-Hey. How about that?
He's filed right under D
for Dithers.
[LAUGHS]
[♪♪♪]