01x06 - The Stag

[bunniefuu]

- Pete wants out.
- He does, does he?

- Mm.
- Loyalty is a characteristic

you either have or you don't.

[DRAMATIC b*at]

Eaton's house is heavily guarded 24/7.

Hands up! Hands up!

We gotta find a way in that house.

- Rick, Ricky, Ricky.
- Don't hurt her, please.

There are orders to be filled.

- [GROANS]
- [BLOWS LANDING]

I've got an idea.

Why don't you join me

in this little mini tour the band's got?

My plan is for this to
be our executive lounge.

We need to bring the money crowd.

The drug dealers?

Have that councilman come
round to my way of thinking.

You owe me.

Larry Taylor...

have you seen him, Anne Marie?

Do you know what happened to Larry?

The truth is, Larry's dead.

Gal, tell me.

It's different because I love ya.

This is never gonna work.

[DRAMATIC MUSICAL STING]

[PANTING, MOANING]

[SOFT MUSIC]

♪

[PANTING] I love you.

[CHUCKLES]

♪

I love you. Mm.

[SIGHS]

[JAMES BROWN'S "IT'S A
MAN'S, MAN'S, MAN'S WORLD"]

♪

♪ This is a man's world ♪

♪

- ♪ This is a man's world ♪
- [ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]

♪

♪ But it wouldn't be nothing ♪

♪ Nothing without a woman or a girl ♪

♪

♪ You see ♪

♪ Man made the cars ♪

♪ To take us over the road ♪

♪ Man made the train ♪

I want you to know I'm taking my
responsibilities very seriously.

What responsibility?

My best-man duties.

Oh, there's no need to go crazy, Don.

But there is, Gal,
and crazy we shall go.

I thought we was just doing
a few boys down the Eagle.

Yeah, we are.

Even allowing Petey to be there,

for old time's sake... disloyal sh*t.

Straightening out all
the plans this Tuesday.

Don't worry.

I've got a few surprises planned, too.

Oh, just go easy, Don. We
ain't 19 anymore, all right?

Yeah, speak for yourself,
you f*cking dinosaur.

[TENSE MUSIC]

Here it is.

♪

f*ck me. Oh, f*ck me.

[PHONE RINGS]

- f*ck.
- What?

- Don, she's on her way back.
- Oh, f*ck.

f*ck.

♪

Hi.

- [PHONE RINGING]
- She's in the building, Gal.

- We have to get out of here.
- Just relax, Don.

We're never gonna get this open in time.

Getting caught is
worse. We'll come back.

Just... no, no, no! Leave it!

I'm gonna leave you. I'm gonna leave ya.

Gal, I'm going. I'm gonna leave ya.

Gal!

- I'm leaving ya.
- Go. Go, then.

I'm going. Come on.

Chop-chop, Gal.

- [PHONE RINGS]
- f*ck.

Oh, f*ck.

If we get caught, Teddy tells Stan,

Stan tells Cecilia, Cecilia... f*ck!

Oh, you're f*cking kidding me!

You know what she'll
do, what she'll say.

"You're a lazy lummox, Don."

f*ck. f*ck, f*ck.

I knew you'd never make it this far.

f*ck.

Useless.

♪

f*ck.

Gal! We have to go!

You c**t.

How the f*ck did you do that?

Can't tell ya.

♪

[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]

You better f*cking tell me, Gal.

You saw the combination somewhere?

No.

You knew her birthday or something?

Yeah, that's it. I got
you. I f*cking got it...

No.

You better f*cking tell me, all right?

Gents?

Good to hear you're
keeping the momentum up.

Nice to see that I didn't have to wait

for it this time, eh, Stan?

So does this mean the
diamond's on the move?

There's one more piece of
the puzzle to deal with,

and I'm sorting that this weekend.

So...

how ready are we?

Mace was right.

So you've got a way in?

Yeah, I have.

You're standing on it.

[DARK MUSIC]

The sewers are the answer.

[DISTANT TOOL WHIRRING]

♪

The tunnels lead right up to the houses.

And their iceberged real estate bumps up

right next to them.

[WHIRRING CONTINUES]

It was only brickwork to get through.

[WHIRRING CONTINUES]

Everything was going to plan.

How's it looking?

Just got through.

What is it?

♪

What the f*ck is that?

Some kind of service duct.

We was expecting maybe,
like, a storeroom or a cinema.

Yeah, that's what they usually are.

The space is tight, and
that concrete foundation...

we can still do it.

It just might take a bit longer is all.

You always had a window.

You knew that.

We know. We know.

What about the safe?

I'll have to do it on the fly

when I'm in the room...

when I'm looking at it.

♪

It's gotta be done, Gal.

[CRIES] I am so, so sorry.

Nothing else was taken, no? Only this?

I mean, all my other
jewelry is still here.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

♪

- [CRIES]
- Nothing else.

[MUSIC THUMPING]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

♪

Eaton is f*ckin' furious...
the coin, the statue,

now this necklace getting robbed.

Someone is turning the screw on him.

What did he say?

He said we're closed
until further notice.

Doesn't want you near any of
his businesses or the club.

What the f*ck is this all about?

Look, Dad...

yeah, I-I-I'm dealing with
this whole thing with Eaton.

It's...

You've done f*ck all!

It's why we're in this mess.

You useless sh*t.

Now I'll deal with it...

My way.

You deal with the film problem.

We need every penny of that now.

And you report to him from now on,

not the other way around.

Go on, f*ck off.

[DISTANT INDISTINCT CHATTER]

[PANTING]

[GROANS, CHUCKLES] Jesus.

[BREATHING HEAVILY, CHUCKLES]

Wow.

We haven't f*cked like that for months.

This trip is gonna be good for us.

A couple of gigs and then just us.

See some places.

Get some time...

away from your work.

We'll, uh, share it with your family.

[SOFT MUSIC]

- Oh, f*ck.
- What?

I've gotta go to the studio.

So DJ's set, flowers are ordered,

church is booked.

Even though we didn't
finish all the classes,

Dad says he's just
gonna put an extra amount

in the collection plate this week.

Okay.

Speaking of my dad,

he really wants to talk to you again.

You don't even have
to say yes or anything.

- You've just gotta hear him out.
- Marjorie...

- I know.
- Come on.

I put up with a lot for you, too.

Can I ask you something?

Yeah, of course.

Why do you love me?

What?

- Not to mention your sister.
- [SCOFFS]

All right, hear me out.

I...

asked her to come to my
hen do, 'cause I'm trying.

What is it about me that you love?

I don't know.

What?

- It's okay.
- What the f*ck, Dee?

- Forget it.
- For f*ck's sake.

A minute ago we were, like, f*cking,

that, and now you're giving me this.

I'm not giving you anything.

I can't believe that
my hen and your stag

are in a few days.

It's all happening.

Do you wanna come on this tour or not?

- I said so, didn't I?
- That's not a yes.

Okay. Yes. Yes.

I-I think we need to talk.

♪

I just... I don't think
that, uh, I want...

Where is this coming from?

I don't know.

♪

Ignore me.

I don't think that I want...

♪

To have a DJ.

I want a band! I want a band!

[LAUGHS]

Go to work.

I've got a dozen suitcases to pack.

- You had me!
- Yeah?

- For a second.
- Yeah.

[CHUCKLES]

♪

It's gonna be great, I promise.

[GAL CHUCKLES]

♪

I swear, he just looked at the safe...

[SNAPS FINGERS] And opened it.

I mean, f*ck. It was crazy.

Like... like a... like a magician?

Yeah, sort of. Like...
like one of them...

like one of them little
gypsies at the fair, you know?

Never cross them gypsies.

They're a sneaky bunch, the lot of them.

Right, Bloco, what you got?

Don, you know I love
Gal as much as anyone,

but I can't let you
have the whole place.

All the business we bring in here?

Bloc, Bloc, what can we have?

Like I've said all along,
you can have this room.

I'll... I'll close the doors.

You can play pool, darts,
put some nibbles on.

I'll make it nice.

Look, this is Gal we're talking about,

not some mug.

- Look at 'em.
- [LAUGHS]

They're all pricks.

You can have this room.
Take it or leave it.

It's like running
around for Gal the Great.

- [SCOFFS]
- [INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Dickhead.

Gal?

What did he do?

Just a dickhead, that's all.

f*ck it.

Let's show up for his stag on Saturday

and get f*cking crazy.

[GLASSES CLINK]

I got a better idea.

Gentlemen, someone is f*cking with us.

And we cannot stand for it.

And I can assure you, this
is the end of the line.

I want you to turn over every stone.

Shut up!

I want you to mark every card.

Every low-life, thieving sh*t c**t

that breathes in London.

Put a warning out there.

Whoever these c**ts are,

they're taking f*cking liberties

in my f*cking territory!

- [GROANS]
- Spread the f*cking word!

Get moving!

[DOORBELL RINGS]

We're here for Diana Harrison.

I'm Diana Harrison.

You're under arrest... violation

of the Indecent as*ault
under Sexual Offences Act.

McGraw's going f*cking crazy.

sh*t.

They're moving through postcodes,

- turning over everyone.
- Why?

They want who stole the necklace.

Oh, f*ck.

Yeah, that's right.

You wanna be worried.

This necklace has opened up

a whole new side to these f*cking guys.

sh*t, we are balls deep.
It's too late to pull out now.

- You wanted to move up.
- I know.

I know.

But I've... I've got two days

to figure this f*cking tunnel out.

Currently, I ain't got a f*cking clue,

and I'm supposed to go this
f*cking stag do tonight.

Thank you, f*cking Don.

[SIGHS]

You gotta find it in yourself.

You gotta finish this

and get the f*ck away from these guys.

[TENSE MUSIC]

♪

Do you hear me?

Yes.

Good.

Because I don't know what,

but Teddy is stirring up some real sh*t.

♪

[LAUGHS] Oh.

Infamous university housemate.

And you're the more
infamous Sir Stephen.

She's exactly as you described.

[LAUGHS]

[OMINOUS MUSIC]

This is Sir Stephen Eaton.

Thanks for the invite. Beautiful place.

♪

[OVERLAPPING CHATTER]

[DISTANT SIREN WAILING]

[DOOR BUZZES]

[DOOR CLOSES]

We have a few connections,

as you can plainly see by your new home.

I thought this was a bit more private.

I figured you guys
would be more creative

than having me arrested.

- You must be getting desperate.
- [SCOFFS]

Oh, you have no idea how desperate I am.

What's wrong with you?

What's wrong with me?

What's wrong with you?

If Ricky could see you now.

That is, if his eyes
worked or he could fly.

- What?
- Ricky.

You don't have to do this.

Please just let me talk to DeeDee.

I think he tried to fly.

[WHIMPERS]

Aah! [CRASH]

What have you done?

[CHUCKLES] What?

Have I hit a nerve?

- You piece of sh*t.
- Oh, don't worry.

We'll find some other smut
peddler to fill his place.

You see, Veronica, we've taken

the money in advance

for the orders of your new films.

And if we don't have the films...

Then we have to give the money back.

That would be a real shame.

[CHUCKLES] A shame?

Hmm.

That is a great way of describing it.

Do you think this is
gonna get me back to work?

♪

It's one way.

I tell you what...

let's me and you f*ck...

right here, right now.

And I'll agree to all your terms...

Anything you want.

- Just like that?
- Just like that.

You're the star.

[CHUCKLES] I wanna keep you happy.

I'm fixing all my
business endeavors today.

♪

Okay.

But I want something in return.

I'm listening.

I want you to provide a big strap-on

so I can f*ck you in the ass

the way you and your c**t
family are trying to f*ck me.

You don't want something
shoved up your ass?

I heard you love it.

- What?
- Have I hit a nerve?

I would rather stay
here for a thousand years

than touch you, you
f*cking third-rate pimp.

Officer!

Officer!

♪

[DOOR BUZZES]

♪

Stephen?

Pheasant sh**t.

Let's move it. Hunting time.

Before I start bagging the servants.

[LAUGHS] Trust me, I will.

- Excuse me.
- Please excuse my friend

He's just merged the two largest
pharmaceutical companies in Europe,

and he's feeling all his glory.

Don't apologize for me, Stephen.

I never apologize for you being a twat

or for f*cking up that
South American embargo.

[CHUCKLES] Hello.

Don't try and impress her.

She's on the wrong side of 20 for you.

This is Teddy, a friend of Arabella's.

Ah, Arabella.

Maybe you should come
out hunting with us,

turn the g*n on yourself.

- And why is that?
- You'll find out.

- Hmm.
- I'm just kidding.

- [BOTH LAUGH AWKWARDLY]
- No hard feelings.

We're all old friends here.

[BOTH LAUGHING]

I understand.

Ah, f*ck!

You should apologize to us all.

What? [WINCES]

Apologize.

Wh... I'm... I'm...
I'm... I'm sorry, Teddy.

Is it Teddy? [GROANS]

Not to me.

To the ladies.

What?

Sorry. [GRUNTS]

[LAUGHS]

A real apology.

A-Arabella, I'm sorry. Aah!

[BREATHING HEAVILY] I'm sorry.

And, Chloe, Chloe, I'm...
I'm really sorry, too.

I mean, they're... they're beautiful.

- They're great.
- [CHUCKLES]

[GROANS IN PAIN]

Ah!

Oh, f*ck.

No hard feelings.

We're all friends here, right?

[LAUGHTER]

f*ck. Aah!

[UNSETTLING MUSIC]

♪

Now, listen, I can put
on any show for a stag do

- that you want...
- I'll bet.

As long as the money's right.

Oi!

Just...

[NIKA CHUCKLES]

Yeah?

[WHISPERING] Who's your girlfriend?

Yeah, she's, uh, she's
for Gal's stag, you know?

Of course, you ponce.
I'm playing with ya.

I'd k*ll you before I let
you run with trash like that.

Big opportunity for you, this stag.

It's really a chance for you
to show Gal how much you...

you know, care for him and all.

I've heard stories

where the best man f*cked up the stag do

and then lost his role as best man,

right there and then on the spot,

but I'm sure you'll do just fine.

- Oh, yeah, one thing...
- Yeah?

Why didn't you have it here?

Uh...

uh, well, it's... it's
a stag. I thought that...

Right.

Yeah, gambling, drinking,
boys don't like that.

[SCOFFS] Terrible idea.

Maybe you can have something
here when we renovate.

[LAUGHS] Renovate?

Oh, yeah, the councilman
changed his mind.

- How about that?
- Oh.

Ain't we lucky?

Don't fuss yourself too much on this.

Gal ain't gonna marry that tart.

♪

[LIGHT MUSIC]

♪

I mean, where on Earth did you find him?

We met at this art opening.

He walked right up to me, this close,

and he said, "Everyone in this room,

"man and woman, wants to f*ck me,

but I only want you."

- [BOTH CHUCKLE]
- Holy sh*t.

- He said that?
- Mm, yeah.

What do you think of it?

It's a bit old-fashioned for my taste.

I'm more of a modernist, I think.

Yes.

It was quite entertaining what
you did earlier with Ashton.

[CHUCKLES]

In lieu of a bottle of wine,

I thought I'd bring the entertainment.

- Oh, that you did, yes, yes.
- [CHUCKLES]

Uh, you seem to make
Arabella quite happy.

I've been hearing about her forever.

- She's special.
- Mm.

What's going on?

I f*cked up, Bell.

I really f*cked up.

Chloe seems a bit unhappy.

- She okay?
- No.

And with good reason.

Well, it's...

none of my business.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

♪

She misplaced something I own...

which is quite valuable.

That is a shame.

I have been known to
find one or two things,

if you need my help.

Or maybe Stan Higgins can do it for you.

♪

Well, I like to know

exactly who's staying
in my guest bedroom.

You mean your wife's
parents' guest bedroom?

I like to know exactly
where I'm staying, too.

♪

Thank you for your offer.

I would never impose on my guest.

Well, you truly are a sublime host.

♪

[BILLY IDOL'S "WHITE
WEDDING, PT. 1" PLAYING]

♪

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

First up, darts, then a pool tournament,

then some drinking games, music, food,

then the main event.

All right, gents. How
ya doing? Good to see ya.

All right, Don, great spread, lovely.

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

Where's Aitch? Where's Mace?

Where's Pete?

I don't know.

♪

♪ Hey, little sister,
who's your Superman? ♪

♪ Hey, little sister,
who's the one you want? ♪

♪ Hey, little sister, shotgun ♪

♪ It's a nice day to start again ♪

All right, mate?

It's Pete, innit?

I know you?

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

♪ It's a nice day to start again ♪

[CHEERING]

♪ Hey, little sister,
what have you done? ♪

[LAUGHTER]

♪ Hey, little sister,
who's the only one? ♪

- Where shall I set up?
- Just hold your horses, love.

This way.

I do have two more functions
to get to later, so...

He'll be here any minute.
All right? Take a seat.

Alan, it's me. I've been arrested.

Been here quite a while.

Are you there?

Alan?

♪ It's a nice day for a white wedding ♪

♪

♪ It's a nice day to start again ♪

♪ Come on ♪

Come on. Come... on.

- Where's Gal?
- I ain't seen him.

He's missing everything.

Will you just relax,
mate? Ya doing my head in.

- It's gotta be done, Gal.
- [PHONE RINGING]

- Behave. Do as you're told.
- [HEART b*ating]

This is never gonna work!

- It's gotta be done, Gal.
- Behave.

- [RINGING CONTINUES]
- It's gotta be done, Gal.

This is never gonna work!

f*cking... f*cking prick! f*cking Teddy!

f*cking... f*cking
McGraws! f*cking Cecilia!

f*ckin'... [SIGHS]

- f*ck!
- [RINGING CONTINUES]

Oh, f*ck! f*ck! f*ck!

[SIGHS] Ah, f*ck.

Oh, f*ck. [BREATHING HEAVILY]

[RINGING CONTINUES]

I'll be there in a minute, Don.

Oh... no, no, sorry, I-I
thought you were someone else.

[EXHALES DEEPLY]

[SOFT MUSIC]

[DOOR BUZZES]

♪

Hi.

You okay?

Yeah.

♪

You're all dressed up.

Yeah, well...

it's my stag do tonight. [CHUCKLES]

f*ck. I'm sorry.

Ah, guest of honor...

I can show up whenever
I like, however I like.

I don't think the charges will stick.

They just wanna intimidate me,

get me back to work.

- You're not going back?
- Not to them.

Should we just get in the car

and just drive a million
miles away from here

right now, just...

disappear?

What, like Bonnie and Clyde?

[CHUCKLES] Yeah.

Yeah, like Bonnie and Clyde.

You'd make quite a good Bonnie.

You're serious, aren't you?

Yeah, I am. I'm serious.

You know, my whole
life's just f*cking chaos.

My sister hates me.

This job I'm doing is just
causing me nothing but trouble.

It's just... I don't...

I don't think that I know
what I'm doing anymore,

to be honest with you.

[LAUGHING] I'm supposed
to get married next month.

That is the furthest thing from my mind.

I'm not sure that I-I want...

all that, you know?

I just...

Maybe it's me.

I told you to live a quiet life.

Yeah, well...

it's too late for that now, innit?

May... maybe just stop.

Stop doing what you're doing.

Look after yourself for a change,

not everyone else.

- Yeah.
- [CHUCKLES]

All right.

Get in the car, Bonnie.

[CHUCKLES]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER, PERSON CLAPS HANDS]

I'd be very disappointed if you didn't.

[BOTH LAUGH]

Sorry I'm late to my own party.

[LAUGHTER, INDISTINCT CHATTER]

I told you this would be fun.

Yes, and, uh...

and the real fun
hasn't even started yet.

[LAUGHTER]

- Cheers, everybody.
- ALL: Cheers.

To dirty scavengers.

- [LAUGHS]
- Cheers.

[PEOPLE CHEERING, EXCITED CHATTER]

[POP MUSIC PLAYING
FAINTLY, INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Baby, I have another job to get to,

and the meter's running.

Ain't done this one yet, love.

Yeah, well, you want to do something

before everyone starts to leave,

because they all look bored.

They're having a great time.

- No, they're not.
- They are.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

[SIGHS]

♪

Fine, fine. Get started.

♪ If I ♪

♪ I get to know your name ♪

♪

[LAUGHTER]

♪ If I could trace your
private number, baby ♪

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

I can't believe you made it, Annie.

My God, you are so pissed. I love it.

- [LAUGHS]
- You look beautiful.

Come... come and dance with me, sister.

Sister, really?

- I never had one.
- Neither have I.

- [LAUGHS]
- You're beautiful.

- I'm getting married, Annie.
- Oh, my God.

I'm getting married!

[GEAR SHIFTER CLACKS, KEYS CLICK]

- [DOOR LOCK OPENS]
- There you go.

So did you want to talk
about the other night?

What about it?

What you said.

What, when I told you I loved you?

Yes.

- So you remember?
- Yeah, I remember.

I remember everything.

Did you forget you
were engaged that night?

[SIGHS]

No, I didn't.

And I didn't forget that
you had a boyfriend either.

Why do you love me?

Why?

Yeah.

Why? Why do you love me?

Because when I'm with you...

I'm not afraid.

[SIGHS DEEPLY]

[BILLY IDOL'S "REBEL YELL"]

♪

Why haven't we done this before?

'Cause I love you.

'Cause I'm such a cow.

- You have. You have been.
- I have.

[LAUGHING] Oh.

You deserve better.

What do you mean?

Gal.

What about him?

He's a liar.

Annie.

You love him.

Not anymore.

He can go f*ck himself for all I care.

Why? What did he do? [CHUCKLES]

♪ And if it expires ♪

♪ Pray help from above ♪

♪ Because ♪

♪ In the midnight hour ♪

♪ She cried more, more, more ♪

♪ With a rebel yell ♪

♪ She cried more, more, more ♪

♪ In the midnight hour, babe ♪

♪ More, more, more ♪

[MOANS]

[CHEERING]

♪ More, more, more ♪

♪

♪ She don't like sl*very ♪

♪ She won't sit and beg ♪

♪ But when I'm tired and lonely ♪

♪ She sees me to bed ♪

♪ What set you free and
brought you to me, babe? ♪

I'm here to pick up Diana Harrison.

♪ What set you free? I
need you here by me ♪

[LAUGHING]

♪ She cried more, more, more ♪

♪ With a rebel yell ♪

[INDISTINCT CHATTER, CHEERING]

Are you looking for that c**t?

[CHATTER, CHEERING]

♪

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

[ALL CLAMORING]

♪

- Hello.
- f*ck you, you c**ts!

Whoa!

Yeah, f*ck off, c**ts.

♪

Gal!

♪

[CHEERING, YELLING]

Gal!

Oh, no, no, no!

[MUSIC STOPS, ALL YELLING]

- Dirty bird!
- Come on, man!

[ALL SHOUTING]

Gal!

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Where is he?

Twinkle, what's wrong?

Where is he?

- Don, you tell me the truth.
- About what?

- What's the matter, girl?
- No, you stay out of it, Dad.

The girl from the p*rn movies.

The nudie girl?

Is Gal in love with her?

Tell me!

[BREATHING RAGGEDLY]

I don't know.

[CRIES]

[SOBBING] No.

No.

[SIGHS]

I'm sorry, Marje.

No! [PARTYGOERS YELLING]

♪ In the midnight hour, she
cried more, more, more ♪

♪ With a rebel yell ♪

♪ She cried more, more, more ♪

Alan, no! No, Alan, no, please, no!

Alan!

No, no, no, no, no. Alan, stop!

Alan, leave him alone!

f*ck!

Stop it! Alan, stop it!

You stay the f*ck out of it!

Stop it! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!

[THUD] Alan, please stop it!

- f*ck you!
- [INDISTINCT CHATTER]

- f*ck you!
- Calm down, love.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

♪

[PERSON SCREAMING]

- What's going on?
- What's that about?

♪

Oh, f*ck.

It's Pete.

♪

It'd be nice if we could stay
in contact past this weekend.

Come on, I miss you.

♪

Till we meet again.

♪

- In the f*cking street?
- [BLOWS THUDDING]

What the f*ck have I done to you?

For heaven's sake, stop
it! Leave him alone!

Get the f*ck off me! Get off me!

Get her the f*ck in there!

f*ck you!

Stop! Alan, stop it!

Alan, stop!