01x03 - Out on the Island

[bunniefuu]

[indistinct chatter]

[Onyx's "Slam"]

SINGERS: ♪ Slam, da
duh duh, da duh duh ♪

♪ Let the boys be boys ♪

♪ Slam, da duh duh, da duh duh ♪

Guess who's got some beer.

Hey, what's up, bro?

- Save me one.
- Yeah.

STARR: ♪ In the gutter
one, ghetto running 'em ♪

♪ Troublesome,
extra double dumb ♪

♪ I come to b*at 'em, defeat
'em, and mistreat 'em ♪

♪ So what if that I'm cheating ♪

♪ Now everybody wanna... ♪

- YOUNG LAVAR: Hey, Maya.
- Hey, LaVar.

So you're looking
very pretty tonight.

I know.

- Hey, I got a new shirt.
- Fly, right?

Mm-hmm.

Anyways, can I talk to
you for a second, Liz?

- Sure.
- Okay.

♪ ♪

So does Beth wanna go
on a walk with Bobby?

♪ ♪

- I'll get back to you.
- Okay.

Mm.

♪ ♪

Okay, I need you to remain calm,

but Bobby wants to
hook up with you.

Wait, what? No, no, no.

You're lying. What?

YOUNG LIZ: Mm-hmm.
YOUNG BETH: Oh, my God.

YOUNG LIZ: Okay, okay. I
told you to remain calm.

This is the most important
night of your young life.

- Okay, okay.
- I'm really nervous.

Does my breath smell?

I mean, Maya, will you smell it?

- Liz is your best friend.
- Ask her.

I'm not smelling your mouth.

Are you gonna make
out with LaVar?

Why would I hook up with LaVar?

Because we're the only
Black people here?

That's not how it works.

YOUNG LIZ: Okay, Beth, focus.

We always knew we'd
eventually kiss boys.

Bobby is polite. He
plays the clarinet.

I mean... YOUNG BETH:
Yeah, yeah, okay.

- He's so cute.
- So cute.

- So cute.
- He's so cute.

[laughter]

YOUNG BETH: Wait,
wait. LIZ: Guys.

SINGERS: ♪ Let the
boys be boys, slam ♪

So I had an idea of how we
could spend more time together.

I am not getting an apartment
with you in Manhattan.

BETH: No, that's not it.

I was thinking I could
come out to Long Island,

be closer to you in Queens.

Just for a little while anyway.

- Oh, God, it went that bad?
- No, oh, my God.

No, actually, he
took the breakup

like a total champ, and,
uh, now things at work

are just, like, really normal.

- MATT: [screams]
- Um...

Uh-huh. BETH: Yeah.

We're both just being
completely adult about it.

MATT: [screams] Why?

- And I, uh...
- [clears throat]

Well, you've called
me more this week

than you ever have in your life.

Well, that's because I'm
in such a good place.

I just... I wanted
to share it with you.

So that's why.

But Ann...

[phone beeps]

Love you.

Yeah, so I think we'd
all appreciate it

if you pulled Matt for a chat.

Okay. Is this "Love Island"?

Beth, as you know, I
am a child of divorce.

Your parents just got divorced,

- like, this year, right?
- [exhales shakily]

Okay, I'm gonna hopefully be
transferring out of here soon,

so maybe I won't be around
to trigger you much longer.

Just go talk to him, Beth.

Can I just have a
little of my coffee?

- Now.
- Now is good, okay.

- Please.
- I'm going, thank you.

Hey, you know where Matt is?

He's on the roof
k*lling himself.

What?

- He's smoking.
- You've driven him to smoke.

Okay, well, he already
smoked sometimes.

Can't believe you
would do this to him

when your mother just d*ed.

I can't even read.

BETH: You hear they just found
out smoking's good for you?

MATT: That supposed to be funny?

BETH: Yeah, it's supposed
to be the funniest thing

you've ever heard
in your whole life.

- Can I have one of those?
- No.

What do you think, we're just
gonna be friends already?

You don't have to be
friends with someone

to bum a cigarette;
Complete strangers do that.

It's just such bad timing.

We just got a new comforter.

Yeah, actually, about that,

I kind of wanna
keep that comforter.

- It's just I paid for it.
- Oh, my God.

- Do I need to get a lawyer?
- Come on.

You were the one
who asked me out.

I didn't even wanna
go out at first.

Noted, six years ago,

you didn't want
to go out with me.

I think we're gonna
be able to be friends

a lot faster than you think.

You think you're better than me.

No.

You definitely think
you're smarter than me.

Barely.

I knew it. I knew it.

You know what? You're not.

Who's the highest
scoring basketball player

of all time?

One, two, three.

Both: Kareem Abdul-Jabbar.

You only knew that
because I told you.

I know.

Don't know when that's
gonna come up again.

Your mom just d*ed.

You don't know
what you're doing.

Yes, I do.

Just...

It's like we were
already just friends.

I'm definitely better
than you in bed.

[chuckles] Okay.

I didn't know it
was gonna go there.

You don't even make a sound.

It's like there's
no way of knowing

whether you're
enjoying it or not.

It's like f*cking a dead body.

You f*ck dead bodies?

You haven't even cried yet.

You don't even think
that's a little weird?

Okay, sorry I'm not
feeling correctly.

Want me to pretend?

'Cause I'm pretending
all the time.

See, you don't even
sound like yourself.

You're so checked out. It's
like you're not even here.

I don't wanna be here.

I'm gonna try and transfer out.

Okay? I want you to be okay.

I want to be okay.

Matt? There's, um

there's, like, a creepy
guy at your desk.

- Let's just put a pin in this.
- We'll circle back to it later.

Murray, I have a
really cool idea

that I was researching
this morning,

and I think you might
say no, but don't say no.

It could be an excellent
opportunity for the company.

So I was thinking I could add
a new region to my portfolio.

Listen to this: Long Island.

- No.
- Come on.

Fine, fine.

Tell me more, but
not too much more.

I have poke at my desk.

Okay, uh, well, as you know,
there are beautiful vineyards

on both the South Shore
and the North Fork

that need representation,
and I thought if Carrie

could add one of
those to their roster,

- that we would...
- Okay.

Let's not get too
flashy here, okay, Beth?

Look, is all of this
because your mother d*ed?

Are you gonna weird out on me?

No, I'm not gonna
weird anybody out.

- Okay, good.
- Write up a proposal.

I want numbers, okay?
Even if they're made up.

Numbers. Numbers!

Numbers.

[upbeat jazz music]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

[sighs]

Maya.

Hey, my mom only has,
like, decorative booze.

Can we... Can Grandpa
Don watch him?

I don't care.
Anywhere but Kasey's.

Okay, Kasey's.

- MAYA: Have you seen "Luca"?
- I don't watch cartoons.

MAYA: Oh, that's
all I watch, girl,

'cause I can't deal
with real life.

BETH: What are you
doing on your phone?

Oh, you know, I signed
up for Jew Date.

- JDate?
- Jew Date, honey, for me.

They don't know
who the hell I am.

They don't know Black
women. They think I'm Lizzo.

- I've never dated a Jew.
- You know that?

- You are a Jew.
- I know.

What you got
against your people?

Are you allowed to say Jew?

- Am I allowed?
- Yeah.

- I'm Black.
- I can say whatever I want.

Who gonna stop me?
BETH: Oh, I don't know.

I didn't know what
the rules were now.

Yeah, I love Jews.

We thank you for your support.

Well, you're welcome.

I love everything
about the Jews.

Your style, your swag,
your dancing around.

You know what I'm saying?

Bouncing people around in
chairs and stuff like that.

- Oh, yeah.
- MAYA: You circumcised.

- BETH: Yeah.
- I love a circumcised d*ck.

Mm-hmm, don't put no
sweater on my sh*t.

Mm-mm. I wanna see it.

I'm personally never
dating another guy.

I'm just done. I'm
done with all penisi.

- I'm done with all ballsi.
- I don't even wanna hear it.

This is like... You're
saying that now,

and then in a couple of months,
you're gonna shave that bush,

and you gonna be back
out on the streets.

How do you know I
have a bush right now?

You got a big bush, I can tell.

I do have, you know, a
pretty severe bush going on.

You're barely
sitting on that seat.

You're, like, two feet up.

- Let me see this.
- Can I check this out?

- Yeah, but take it easy.
- Take it easy.

Whoa, whoa, what are you
doing? It's not a speed race.

You're k*lling
potential husbands here.

- Not the guys I just swiped.
- MAYA: All of them.

What is your swiping criteria?

I guess standard, right?

Like, I don't care if he
got a lazy eye, a baby arm.

I don't care if he had,
like, a Siamese twin

that didn't get attached
and d*ed at birth

who's just hanging there like
a little raisin in the sun.

I just need somebody to, like,
let me watch my shows, though.

You know what I'm saying?

Like, don't get
involved with that.

BETH: Yeah.

Go read the paper or look
at a computer screen.

I don't know, I'm
already sick of him,

and I haven't even met this man.

He getting on my f*cking nerves.

That's a ton of stuff going on.

MAYA: We need love.

Am I really leaving
my whole life?

Beth, Long Island is temporary.

The official slogan
of Long Island.

MAYA: Ugh, rude.

- I'm sorry.
- That's fine.

You know, I had to move
back in with Grandpa, so...

- BETH: I know.
- Yeah, it's been rough.

- I know.
- Should we have one more?

- Just half of one.
- I gotta work tomorrow.

- I have to work too.
- Oh, yeah?

What you gotta do, huh?

Have merlot at some rooftop?

- BETH: Yeah.
- That's not work, Beth.

- It's work for me, so...
- What are you doing?

I'm visiting a vineyard.

"Visiting a vineyard."

Poor Beth. BETH: I know.

- MAYA: Vineyard.
- Okay, okay.

Excuse me? Can we have one more?

Thank you so much.
We appreciate it.

Ew! "Thank you."

What's that voice?

Why are you talking
to her like that?

White guilt? BETH: Um, no.

I'm just trying to be nice.

No, you sounded like you were
trying to give her reparations.

- Shut up.
- Hey!

Sister, two more
rounds for the Jews.

[laughs]

[hip-hop music]

YOUNG LIZ: Okay.

♪ ♪

Can I borrow LaVar?

- Sure.
- I'll be right back, guys.

Beth says fine.

Whatever. She'll
walk with Bobby.

But, um, what base is
she willing to go to?

- Please hold.
- Okay.

♪ ♪

YOUNG LIZ: He wants to know
what base you'll go to.

He wants to make sure
you're comfortable.

- Um, okay.
- What should I tell him?

- Second, right?
- Yeah, okay.

Like, that's, like, I do him?

- Do him?
- YOUNG LIZ: Who are you?

No one's doing anyone.
It's feeling you up.

Okay, um, okay.

Okay, yeah, second's good.
Over the shirt, over the bra.

Um, yeah.

Okay, okay. It's good.

YOUNG BETH: Okay, okay!

[laughter]

Shh.

YOUNG BOBBY: This way.

- Oh, sorry.
- Let's try that again.

- Sorry, my bad.
- [chuckles]

[cr*cker's "Low"]

♪ ♪

LOWERY: ♪ A million
miles below their feet ♪

♪ ♪

♪ A million miles,
a million miles ♪

♪ ♪

♪ I'll be with you, girl ♪

♪ Like being low ♪

♪ Hey, hey, hey,
like being stoned ♪

♪ ♪

[Warpaint's "Undertow"]

♪ ♪

SINGERS: ♪ Your brown
eyes are my blue skies ♪

♪ They light up the rivers
that the birds fly over ♪

♪ Better not to
quench your thirst ♪

♪ Better not to
be the first one ♪

♪ Diving in ♪

♪ Though you caught
me and you know why ♪

♪ You breathe in ♪

♪ The deepest part
of the water ♪

GERALD: You gotta
trust me on that one.

And, uh, you know,
I've been to Thailand

about a dozen times or so,

and, uh, for me, the
trick is just to go alone.

Then you're just on
your own schedule.

You're on your own time.

You're not burdened by other
people's wants and needs

and, you know, "I
wanna eat here.

We want to eat here."
Just do what you want.

And, listen, you've
never had pad thai

- till you've been to Thailand.
- Excuse me.

Hi. Can someone help me?

I'm here from Kerig Cellars.

- Uh, from New York City?
- Yeah, that's right.

All right, give
me one sec, folks.

Be right back. BETH:
[clears throat]

Okay, how can I help you?

Uh, I have an appointment
with Gerald, the wine manager.

Uh, Gerald.

- It's pronounced Gerald.
- Gerald, okay.

- And, well, Gerald is me...
- Oh, well.

And as you can see,

I'm with some
customers right now,

so if you can just
be a little patient,

I'd appreciate it.

Sure, I'll wait right here.

Uh, actually, uh, this section

is for customers only,

so if you don't mind
waiting outside,

- it'd be a big help.
- Okay.

Um, you know, I'm
not really sure

what your school of thought is,

but for me, customer
is never wrong.

But you city people don't
really understand that, do you?

Okay.

'Cause you're just so special.

Okay.

No time for other
people's stories.

- I'm just gonna wait.
- I'll wait out there.

- Thank you.
- Thank you, that'd be great.

How we doing on
that pinot, guys?

[laughter]

Yeah, you know,
actually, I would like

for someone to take me on a tour

- of your vineyard...
- Mm-hmm.

So I can do my job
and sell your wine,

make you money, so
you let me know.

You gonna help me or
want me to call the GM?

I am personally
slammed at the moment.

Are you?

Because those
people are leaving.

- Well, they're still here.
- Not really.

We'll just see if
they come back, okay?

[car engine starts]

And he just started his car.

- So...
- Just give him a sec, okay?

Uh, John, our grounds manager,
he'll be happy to help you,

and you can find
him in the barn.

- Okay, thank you.
- And the barn is just...

Uh, it's the building
that looks like a barn.

- Right, thank you.
- You got it.

I really missed Long
Island and its people.

- Well, welcome back.
- Thank you.

Just leave this open
in case they come back.

GERALD: Appreciate
that. Thank you.

[soft dramatic music]

[rooster crows]

Hello? John?

Is there a John in here?

[screams] Oh, my God, I'm sorry.

- Um, whose blood is that?
- What?

Are you John, the groundskeeper?

Yes. BETH: Okay.

I'm sorry.

I'm supposed to
ask you for a tour.

- JOHN: Why can't Gerald do it?
- He was busy.

I'm also busy. BETH: Yeah.

I'm sorry. I don't know.

I'm just trying to do my job.

- You say sorry a lot.
- BETH: Do I?

Do you think you could take me?

Yeah, okay.

BETH: Um, did you wanna
get cleaned up first?

There's really no rush.

Yeah, I don't know if you wanted

to take a look at
this sales sheet.

It has your wines on it

with different,
like, possible...

I don't really
deal with the wine.

[quirky music]

You know, still, anything
you wanna tell me

about the... it would be great.

That's the chickens over there,

- but they go wherever they want.
- The chickens.

Yeah, anything I can
pass on to the clients,

just any little tidbits or...

JOHN: That used to be corn.

Now it's just a cover
crop, which is bullshit.

Oh, this is great.

These are stinging nettles.

Yeah, these don't get the
credit that they deserve.

- Huh, can I pick one?
- Harvest them.

When you gather
herbs and vegetables,

that's what you do.

Got it, harvesting.

Ow!

Yeah, they're stinging nettles.

These can be very healing.
You can make tea with them.

Can I have, like,
eight buckets then?

It hurt that much?

- No, no, I, um... sorry.
- I, um... I just meant... I'm good.

- Oh, you mean emotionally?
- Yeah.

I don't know why I
said that. I'm sorry.

I should just be
grateful to be healthy.

You're right.

I didn't say that.

Yeah, I know.

That's just, like, what
I got from the exchange.

Okay, because you
said, "You're right."

♪ ♪

PERSON: Hey.

That guy's waving at you.

I already said hi to him today.

♪ ♪

I might like to show
you the rabbit hutch.

BETH: Yeah.

Must be so cool working here.

JOHN: Where do you work?

BETH: Well, I'm a
wine rep for Kerig.

Not the coffee.

JOHN: I hate Keurig
coffee. BETH: Yeah.

JOHN: It's bad environmentally,
and it's bad coffee.

Single servings. There's
no good version of it.

BETH: Right.

JOHN: Do you like working there?

BETH: Well, I don't work
there, but I do wine sales,

so it's a lot of just,
like, selling wine,

having to entertain clients.

It's kind of exhausting
pretending like people

are funny or interesting.

Not like I'm so... you know.

Sounds like you're an introvert.

No, I'm not some quiet weirdo.

- It just...
- I'm an introvert.

So how did you
start working here?

Why did you become
a wine salesperson?

[chuckles]

I don't know. I mean, I do know.

If you really wanna
hear, I waited tables,

and that sucked,

so I... you know, the
wine reps would come in.

It just looked better,
so I pursued that,

and then I met my
boyfriend... Ex-boyfriend.

Ex-fiancé.

- Sounds like a lot of guys.
- That's very funny.

You don't have to pretend
I'm funny or interesting.

Do I seem happy to you?

I mean, you don't seem
very happy at work.

Well, I definitely
didn't say that.

It's a great job.

People would k*ll
for that job, so...

We can't all be out here

gathering tingling
nettles, you know?

Stinging nettles.

What do you even do here?

The owners would say
I'm the groundskeeper.

I also run the kitchen.

Well, what would you say you do?

Farmhand, field
hand, hired hand.

It sounds like a lot of hands.

JOHN: That's very funny.

I grew up here.

My great-grandfather
farmed this land.

My grandmother used to
cut hair over there.

Wow.

It must be incredible to
have roots like that here.

Yeah, it's a special place.

- You know, lately, I've been...
- Tour is over now.

♪ ♪

Okay, b... thank you, John.

YOUNG BETH: He's so cute.

YOUNG LIZ: He's so cute.

[laughs]

He's gonna ask you to the dance.

AMANDA: Hey, girls.

YOUNG LIZ: What's up, Amanda?

Heard about you and
Bobby last night.

Yeah, it's not
really a huge deal.

We're kind of, like,
hooking up now or whatever.

AMANDA: Well, I probably
shouldn't tell you this,

but you're not the only one.

He and Rose also
hooked up last night,

and I heard he
went under the bra.

- Rose is a rude girl.
- She smells like old syrup.

I think they're,
like, together now,

and, like, most likely going

to the Moving Up Dance together.

Good for them.

I have a boyfriend from upstate,

so it's kind of better.

YOUNG LIZ: Amanda,
we have to go.

We have a photoshoot.

Bobby's a loser, and
Rose is butt ugly.

They can have each other.

I'm actually not hungry anymore.

YOUNG LIZ: Wanna
share a cigarette?

I stole it from the ground.

- Yeah, sure.
- Yeah.

[The Wild Reeds'
"Be The Change"]

♪ ♪

SINGER: ♪ I know you want... ♪

I think it worked. Here.

SINGER: ♪ To see me cry ♪

♪ But I was tucked in ♪

Here.

SINGER: ♪ Without a lullaby ♪

♪ So the most you'll get ♪

♪ Is a furrowed brow ♪

[train horn blares]

GERALD: I am very sorry if I was

a little bit peeved
with you earlier.

I totally understand.

I just wanna do a good job

so I don't have to
go back to work.

Honey, I know, and
listen, bygones, right?

- Great.
- Wine under the bridge.

Perfect, yes.

And with that in
mind, let us begin

our magical tour of
Three Trees Vineyard.

All right.

Now, this one is
my favorite white.

"Cork and Fork Magazine"
called it drinkable.

- Oh.
- Yeah.

It's insanely sweet.

Are you sure it's
the right varietal?

Uh, yeah.

It's the right varietal.
It's sauvignon blanc.

- Uh...
- Oh, nope.

[laughs] Whoa, that's a Moscato.

- Right.
- Wrong wine.

- Yeah.
- That is a dessert wine.

And it is a little
too young to be drank.

- [laughs] Yeah, yeah.
- [laughing] Oh, my God.

- Are you okay?
- Oh, you know.

Uh, I'm on these meds
right now for my hips.

Yeah, you know, they say you're
not supposed to drink on 'em,

but I don't know.

It kind of seems to be
missing the point, you know?

Mmm.

Um...

Oh, God.

- You good?
- [sighs]

Yeah, why don't you
come back later?

I'm gonna go sleep in
my car for a few hours.

Oh, wow.

Yeah? Okay. No problem.

GERALD: Oh, God.

MATT: Beth! Beth!

BETH: Matt? MATT: Beth!

Oh, my God. What the f*ck?

Beth! Beth!

BETH: What are you doing?

What the F, Matt?
What are you doing?

This horse is for you.

I want us to ride off
into the sunset together.

I have no idea what
you're talking about.

What are you doing?

That flash mob,
that was all wrong.

That's the kind of fun, cool,
interesting thing that I like.

All right, I was
thinking about myself.

This is about what you
like. No spectacle.

Just you, me, and this steed.
BETH: What are you doing?

Where did you get that?
Are you wearing eyeliner?

Don't worry about
that right now.

- Do you still love me?
- Oh, my God.

Just... can we get
you down safely?

When did you stop loving me?

We were so good at the start.

No, we weren't. Not really.

We never, like, fell
in love, you know?

- No, we love each other.
- We didn't evolve together.

MATT: I didn't know
you were evolving.

No one said you were evolving.

I can evolve.

I'm always gonna be your friend.

Can we just get this horse home?

No, if you don't get
back together with me,

I'm gonna do something.
I'm gonna hurt myself.

I'm gonna... I'm gonna ride
this horse into those trees.

- No, what?
- I'm gonna do it.

- Get down.
- One!

- Matt, stop it. Oh, my God.
- Two!

Matt, oh, my God, oh my God.

- Three!
- No!

Four. BETH: What?

MATT: Five. Six.

- What's he counting?
- MATT: Seven.

I don't know.

He's threatening to ride
the horse into a tree.

It's... he's never done
anything like this before.

- The horse will turn.
- What?

- It won't go into the tree.
- 11, 12!

[horse neighs] BETH: Oh, my God.

12!

- BETH: Oh, my God.
- 12!

Oh, my God! MATT: 12!

BETH: Matt, no! MATT: 12!

12! 12!

Oh, my God.

[groaning]

Oh, I can't breathe.

Are you okay?

- Do you feel dizzy?
- Yeah, my head hurts.

BETH: Oh, my God. Are you okay?

- JOHN: Look up, look up.
- Oh, my God, I'm bleeding.

I'm bleeding. I'm
bleeding so much.

- No, this is dried blood.
- You might have a concussion.

Cesar!

[speaking Spanish]

I think I may be concussed.

Quick, somebody ask me
who the president is.

Bring him to Bruce.

Bruce was a medic in the Navy,

so if he isn't high,
he can really help.

- [speaks Spanish]
- [speaks Spanish]

- Bruce, Bruce!
- Bruce!

This is Polly from the
Allen Farm next-door.

Did you steal this horse?

No, I gave her 200 bucks
and a case of champagne

for an hour with the
engagement horse.

I'm gonna bring her back home.

Want me to come with you?

No, no!

This is something I
need to do on my own.

I was talking to John,
but take care of yourself.

Okay, all right.

Beth, you're gonna land on
your feet one day, girl.

- I promise.
- Okay, bye.

Beth, I still owe the 200.

[soft music]

♪ ♪

Thanks for your help.

That was insane.

I should have changed my clothes

before giving you the tour.

No, it's fine.

And we should have
fed the rabbits.

Another time.

- Yeah.
- Was that guy your boyfriend?

He was.

You feel better now that
you've broken up with him?

I think so.

I mean, I know he
wasn't the one for me.

I agree.

I mean, I don't know him,
but I was able to gather

a lot of information from
his botched horse proposal.

- Thanks for saying that.
- Yeah.

It's been a really hard week...

Yeah.

- [voice breaking]
- But I'm actually totally fine.

[The Wild Reeds'
"Don't Pretend"]

♪ ♪

[crying]

♪ ♪

SINGER: ♪ I never
pushed the limits ♪

♪ ♪

♪ I lived inside
them, and minded ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Didn't dare ask questions ♪

♪ Never swim in the deep end ♪

♪ I was afraid to try ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Now I feel like a bad kid ♪

♪ ♪

♪ 'Cause no one deserves this ♪

♪ ♪

♪ So I'll just sit here ♪

♪ Quietly ♪

♪ With my hands folded ♪

♪ But don't pretend ♪

♪ That the world has
never been good to you ♪

♪ Don't suspend all your plans ♪

It's so easy.