[smooth music]
What the hell's this?
Ah.
Oh, well, okay.
- Oot-oot-oot.
No touchies.
[chuckles]
That board is for rank-and-file
union business only.
Off limits to you, Chiefie.
- All right,
then you take it down.
- But I made it
"owl" by myself.
- I don't have time
for pun and games.
- That's a pun.
- I gotta prep
for the council meeting.
I got to start
the Baker Fiscal Reporter.
- Wah-wah, wah-wah,
wah-wah, wah-wah.
- Take it down now!
- Okay. I'll...
hop to it.
[laughs]
- I'm the boss, Eddie.
- Oh, we all know
"hoo" is the boss.
But you don't have to be so
serious about it all the time.
Sometimes you are as boring
as that sweet tea
you like to drink.
- Sweet tea is reliable
and neutral, like me!
- I prefer my chief
to be a root beer float,
effervescent, with a pinch
of sassy-fras, like me.
- Mom and Dad
are fighting again.
- Mom over here thinks
that being in charge
is like having a soft drink.
- You're the mom.
You're the one who says
things like, "I'm doing this
for your own good."
And, "Don't take that tone
of voice with me."
That's you.
- I don't think I like
the gender inferences
being used in this argument.
- Then stay out of it.
- Hey.
- Why is this fridge
always a disaster?
And where's my sweet tea?
- Sometimes I wish I was chief
so I could show you
how to do this job properly.
- And I wish I could just
lie around all day
and do nothing like you.
- Oh, you think I just
lie around all day?
I work for a living.
I don't sit behind a desk
drinking sweet tea.
That's for sure.
- I think I got it back here.
Oh!
- [gasps]
Oh, my gosh.
Oh, my gosh, Dad!
Dad, are you okay?
- Ahh, my back.
- Hey, Chief.
I found your sweet tea.
- Screw you, Eddie.
- Don't worry.
"Owl" drink your tea.
- You're the mom.
- No, you're the mom.
- You're the mom!
[Foreigner's "Hot Blooded"]
♪ ♪
- ♪ Well, I'm hot-blooded ♪
♪ Check it and see ♪
♪ I got a fever of 103 ♪
♪ I'm hot-blooded ♪
[laughter]
- Oh.
- Well, this is different.
- Good morning, everybody.
- Ooh!
- Hey, blinded by the white.
- What?
[laughter]
- Okay. Okay.
Due to Chief McConky's
herniated disc,
you are now all looking at
Acting Chief Penisi.
- Oh, baby!
[cheering]
- Get well soon, Chief.
But also congratulations,
Chief.
- Thank you, Ikey.
Too kind. Too kind.
Speaking of Chief McConky,
I'm gonna do things
differently.
And like any new leader,
I plan on reversing
a few of my predecessor's
policies.
So who wants a TV
in the bunk room?
- Oh, yeah!
- Yes!
- And from now on,
whenever we vote here,
we do it by wave.
So let's go again.
Who wants gambling back?
[all cheering]
- Yay!
- Ikey, given your seniority,
I am naming you
Hand to the Chief.
Your job is to help me
make sure things
run smoothly around here.
All in favor?
- Yay!
[cheering]
- Nice.
- Thanks, guys.
Oh, wait, don't we need
a replacement captain?
- Knock, knock.
Who's there?
That's me, b*tches.
What's up?
- Wait a minute.
Frenchie, were you
just in the hallway
waiting for somebody
to announce you?
- Oh, no,
I was waiting out there
for somebody to stand up.
Tap. You're it.
[laughs]
And due to my recent promotion,
it's Captain Frenchie.
We're finally
the same rank, Penisi.
- I don't think so.
Do you see the white shirt?
He's the chief now.
- Oh, for two weeks tops.
- And during that time,
I command you
to not bring us down
'cause we're gonna have fun
around here.
Which reminds me, Nok hockey,
air hockey, or bubble hockey?
- Why choose one?
Can't we have all three?
- You're g*dd*mn right we can.
[cheering]
- All right, everybody,
get to work.
- Hey, Andy,
you sure you're a dude?
I couldn't find your d*ck
when I tapped it.
- It's there.
- Hey, Ike.
Don't worry
about Frenchie, okay?
He doesn't respect the fact
that I'm chief like you do.
You're my guy.
- What kind of stuff
would I have to do though?
- All leaders need
a right-hand man
to help them lead.
And also to let them know
the behind-the-scenes stuff
on whether or not people
are digging the vibe.
So can you do that for me?
- I accept the hand job.
[chuckles]
Chief.
- Dismissed.
[laughter]
All right, all right.
- All right, listen up.
Going over the chores here.
For the duration of my stay,
Lucy, you will be
on kitchen cleanup.
- Why?
'Cause I'm the girl?
- No, you just seem like you'd
be good at folding linens.
All right, Andy, you will be
in charge of the food run.
- Come on,
I did that last shift.
- I wasn't here last shift.
- I hate that job.
Everybody always complains,
and no one's ever satisfied.
- It's 'cause you're always
getting the wrong stuff, bro.
You came back here with Hydrox
instead of Oreos.
- Same thing, bro.
- No, it's not, bro.
Oreos are
a cultural touchstone.
While Hydrox is something
that you give to prisoners
in a food line.
- And plus, you always
get bruised apples.
So my advice,
don't get bruised apples.
- Yeah, bro, didn't anyone ever
teach you how to choose fruit?
- Shut up.
Everybody just shut up.
See, I already hate this job.
- You're on shopping duty,
and that's it, okay?
Here is my list, and get
the morel mushrooms, okay?
Not the chanterelles,
big difference.
- What, are you gonna chip
into the fund?
- Captain of the B shift
doesn't chip in
for the A shift.
- But, Frenchie,
you eat all our food.
You should chip in.
- Ooh. Don't mind if I do.
- Just don't touch
my cake, man.
- Oh, come on, man.
You're about to eat
it right now.
- No name, fair game.
That frosting literally said
"Thank you, Granny," on it.
- I don't see any name on here.
- It was there,
but you just ate it.
It's said Granny on it.
- I don't see a name on it.
- He coaches soccer.
They gave that to him.
That's his special cake.
He's been waiting a long time
to eat that.
- You know what?
I'm not a fan.
You guys can have it.
[rock music]
- Gather around, everyone.
While I was getting acquainted
with my new office,
I came across this.
- The Bin of Sin!
- That's right.
All the stuff Terry
confiscated over the years
is being returned to you now
by your favorite--
what's my title, Frenchie?
Ch--ch--ch--
- Ch--ch--chief?
- Oh, okay, be careful.
I can fire you.
- It's chief.
You know it's chief.
- Okay. Let's see here.
Ah. fidget spinner
for my friend Ike.
- Ah-ha! Well done.
- Yeah.
- Wow.
- Yeah. Now, what?
Okay, here we go.
What's this, a luchador mask?
- I think that's underwear.
- Oh, yeah, it's mine.
- Why does Chief have
your underwear?
- A gentleman never asks,
a lady never tells.
- [laughs]
Oh, well done.
- It's my Blockazoids game!
- Do you think that's
a good idea, Granny?
I mean, you kind of got lost
in that game last time.
- Blockazoids is more
than a game.
It is a way of life.
I didn't even get to level 12
before Chief confiscated it.
- Chief, I'm not really sure
if that's a great idea.
No disrespect.
Just trying to be your hand.
- Okay, okay.
We'll keep an eye on him.
- Oh, hey, what's this?
- Oh, that's my Tamanachi,
the original '90s pet.
Treasure it, Lucy.
My gift to you.
- And keep it safe. It's--
- Yeah.
- It was once special,
but now it's being passed on.
- Thanks, guys.
- Andy, add butter to the list.
- I just got butter.
- Yeah, you got
unsalted butter.
Get salted.
- You got unsalted butter?
- Unsalted?
- Who gets unsalted?
- Are you out of your mind?
Did you do it purpose?
- It was an accident.
- [groans]
My chair!
[groaning]
What the hell?
How many hockey games
they have in here?
What's all that sh*t
in the garage?
[groans]
Where's the furniture?
- [barks]
Whoa.
- [whimpers]
- Are you shittin' me?
- Oh, Andy, you know you're
into me for 50 on the side.
- Yeah, buddy.
- Level 12.
I still got it.
- You know what, new chief,
I gotta tell you,
this is so much fun,
and I feel like the station
in general is just
running smoother than ever.
- Oh, yeah, I actually had
no idea it could be this good.
- Looks like you guys
are having fun.
- Hey, what's up, Terry?
Who had Terry
showing up on day four?
- Oh, that was me.
- Oh!
- Oh, come on!
- Oh, yes!
- You hungry? Have some food.
- No, I'm good.
Can't really eat
with my meds, so--
- Have a cheese ball.
- Yeah.
- Thanks.
- Oh, boy.
- What are you doing here,
Terry?
- Well, my daughter's learning
to play the clarinet at home,
and it was driving me crazy,
so--
- I think you came
to check up on me.
But as you can see,
it's going great.
- Yeah, yeah,
the apparatus floor
looks like a Dave & Buster's.
The break room looks like
a hookah lounge.
And I found my chair
in the dumpster outside.
- Well, surely,
you don't expect me
to sit in another man's
blast zone, do you?
No. I need a chair that's
more apropos of my chiefdom.
Speaking of which.
What's behind this door, hmm?
What chief-y secrets
are you keeping in here?
You got scotch, cigars?
- It's nothing.
- Oh, well, if it's nothing,
why don't you
just give me the key
and I'll have a little looksee?
- I don't have a key.
- Hmm.
[knocking]
- Hey, old chief.
Chief, got your breakfast.
- Thank you, Ikey. How about
right on my desk, please?
- You got it.
[Hoser barking]
- Hey, did you see Hoser?
- Yeah, great to see him back.
- Awesome, right?
Oh, Ike,
will you let Frenchie know
that I'm in the mood
for some Bolognese.
- You bet.
- And will get some Tomaso's
tomatoes for the sauce, please?
- You got it.
- Thank you.
Excuse me, Chiefie.
See, Terry, chiefing is easy.
I show up for work
in the morning.
I leave the same day.
I have my breakfast
delivered to me.
- Eddie, you'll find that
being chief is more than that.
You have to make
some tough decisions.
[mimics farting]
- Can you believe my GAK
retained its slime
after all these years?
- Okay, I got to go find
some place hard to lie down.
Oh.
[flatulence noises continue]
- [chuckles]
- Hey, Captain,
I was looking over
your list again
and I saw "en-dive."
- You mean "ahn-deev"?
- I always thought
it was "en-dive."
- What's endive?
- Bitter lettuce.
- It's pronounced "ahn-deev."
Okay?
Comes from the Latin word
"ahn-deev-ion,"
which means "angry seagrass."
And it is not bitter
when I make it.
- Well, all the things
that you want,
maybe you want to pitch in
to the fund-ue.
- Tomaso's tomatoes?
Okay, that's a big no.
- Ah, that is a request
straight from chief.
That's the base
for his Bolognese.
- Okay, he may be chief,
but I'm chef,
so I'm in charge
of the ingredients.
And his Bolognese
is a big fat no-lognese!
[chuckles]
You see what I did?
Oh, this is
a super unhealthy list.
Come on, you don't need six
different kinds of chips, okay?
No, you guys can just share the
family size of the Hot Cheezos.
Am I forgetting anything else?
I think this is it.
Oh, I know what I'm forgetting.
One thing, there is one thing.
Oh!
[chuckles]
I don't need to write
that down anymore.
Check.
Okay, this list
is officially sealed.
Can we do something
other than the Hot Cheezos?
I don't think my dad
will go for that.
The dust always burns his gums.
- Actually, I'm in
on the Hot Cheezos.
It might be nice to feel
a different kind of pain.
Oh, God.
- Damn it. Come on.
[knock at door]
- Hey, Chief.
- Hey, Ikey, come on in.
Have a seat.
- Nice. Are you working
on something there?
- Yeah, I'm trying to get
this door--
oh, you all right?
- Yeah, just messing around.
I'm just fooling around.
I used to have one of these.
Just gotta--ohh!
Ah, man.
- You okay?
You seem a little tense.
- Just a little nervous.
I think you make me nervous.
Maybe it's the white shirt.
- Yeah, well, I would say,
I'll take it off.
But I kind of like it.
Yeah.
Okay, what do you got?
- Okay, so...
Frenchie is taking everything
you want off the grocery list.
- Really?
- And Hoser has been pissing
in the shower constantly
because Lucy doesn't
walk him at all.
- For real?
- Permission to speak freely
for a second?
- Yeah.
- This whole feeding you
information thing
just makes me
a little uncomfortable.
You know, I feel like
my heart's racing all the time.
The hand job is really hard.
- The hand job, that's
the toughest job there is.
- I feel like they know
something, you know,
when I'm walking by,
and I'm like I think they're
looking at me like they know
I'm up to something.
- Don't worry, you'll get used
to playing both sides.
- I did.
In the meantime,
make the Bolognese happen.
I believe in you, Ike.
- I'll get out of here.
[grunting]
I always mess around in these.
[grunting]
Just fooling around.
- You want me to drive?
- No, I will.
I feel like if I practice
changing lanes really quickly,
I'll be able
to get to level 17.
And just...
getting that piece
right here.
Here.
It's always the square ones.
Turn--
- Hey, Granny.
- Hmm?
- I don't think it's safe
for you to drive.
- Yeah, you're probably right.
I want to play my Blockazoid.
- Okay.
- Hey, hey, hey.
Yoink.
Chief wants to add back
a couple of items.
- Oh, Frenchie already
sealed the list, so--
- This is for Chief.
Okay?
- Tomaso's tomato sauce.
- You know, Frenchie added
a bunch of things to this...
- Ground beef.
- List already without
kicking into the fund.
So I can't add all this stuff.
- A lot of this stuff
we do not need.
Like butter cream.
No.
- Well, no, no,
we need the Fresca,
and we need
the crunchy peanut butter.
People are gonna be pissed.
- Hey, don't worry about it.
As long as Chief gets what
he wants, we're gonna be fine.
Okay?
Hurry up.
[stomach grumbles]
- My stomach hurts already.
- Banana chips?
You didn't get bananas?
- They were all old.
- I need the potassium, Andy.
- You guys made fun of me last
time for buying overripe fruit!
- No Marshmallow Fluff?
- That got crossed off.
- By whom?
- Perfect timing.
- Now I can get started
on my velouté.
- What?
- Where's my buttercream?
- No.
- My whipped cream,
my sour cream?
And where is the breast
of duck that I asked for?
- How about some ground beef?
You can make something
with this, right?
- You bought sale meat?
Are you kidding me?
It's got a sticker right there
that says sale meat.
I don't cook
with sale meat, bro, okay?
I sealed the list
with a kiss.
Can't unseal
my sealed kiss list.
- I unsealed it.
Chief's orders.
He wanted Bolognese,
I unsealed it.
- Look at the balls
on you, huh, bud?
- Yeah, I did it.
- Well, guess what, I'm not
making Bolognese tonight.
In fact, I'm not
gonna make anything.
- That's fine.
- You are there,
big bald cowboy.
- What's that?
- You're gonna knock stuff
off my list,
you're gonna make dinner.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
- Cap, don't have Ike
make dinner, please.
- The only thing he can make
is sloppy joes.
- I'm Captain
and I'm deciding tonight.
Crystal is gonna cook.
- Hey, Chief.
- Granny, you do that
ambulance inventory?
- Granny.
Granfield.
[beeping]
- Hello.
- Row's complete.
- Hey, Chief.
Andy messed up
the shopping list.
And now Frenchie won't cook,
and he's ordered Ike to cook.
- No, listen to me right now.
Listen to me.
- I tried to text you--
- Captain to captain.
I'm the captain.
This is my crew.
Tonight, Ike cooks dinner.
- Okay, can you--
- He's captain, it's his call.
- Bam!
- Wait. Wait, no, no.
- Ike, it's his crew.
- In your face.
Boom!
[Hoser whimpers]
- Someone take care
of this dog.
- [barks]
all: Not it.
- Oh, my God, you guys
are driving me crazy.
- Hey, hey, hey.
Hang on a second.
What--what's going on?
- What's going on
is I'm going in my office
to finish the Baker Report.
- What about the hand job?
I thought--
- You're not gonna get
to finish the hand job.
- What is happening right--
- This is so weird.
Now it's like
we have two uptight dads.
- Yeah.
- Dads are the worst.
- I'm right here.
Hey, did Andy at least
remember the Hot Cheezos?
- Oh.
Yes.
Thank you.
[thunder rumbles]
- [groans]
[laughter]
[groaning]
[laughter]
[sighs]
Damn it.
[groaning]
Oh, come on.
No, no, come here, come here.
No, no, hey!
Baker Fiscal Report.
"A perspective
on differential techniques
affecting machine parity."
- Oh, hey, Andy,
I need to speak to you.
Andy, get in here now.
Do I make myself clear?
[screams]
[gasps]
Hey.
Hey.
Hey, I'm Eddie Penisi.
Wow.
[exhales]
Yeah, I'm Eddie Penisi--
[ominous music]
♪ ♪
No, no, no, no.
Okay.
♪ ♪
[whimpers]
[screams]
[gasps]
Double nightmare!
[thunder rumbles]
k it.
- Oh, man.
All I had was that
and that and--
Oh, I guess--
I guess I have that.
Ahh! [laughs]
- Agh!
- That beats that, right?
Oh, man.
- I forgot how
fun gambling was.
- Right?
- My back doesn't
even hurt anymore.
[laughter]
- And then I said the guy who
sold me the salt,
he sells a lot of salt.
[laughter]
[indistinct chatter]
- Oh, man.
- I like it.
[laughter and chatter dies out]
- Hey, what's going on?
- Oh, nothing.
- Not much really.
- Oh, no, I heard laughter.
It looked pretty fun down here.
What's the joke?
- I mean, honestly,
it wasn't even that funny.
- Just tell me
what the joke is.
- Is that an order, Chief?
[laughter]
- Okay, that's funny.
Ike, what was the joke?
- Actually, you know what,
I don't really feel comfortable
just relaying that information
to you right now
'cause we just kind of
had something going on, so I--
- Oh.
- All right, I get it.
I see how it's gonna be.
Carry on.
- All right, whose deal?
Let's go.
- I think it's your deal.
- Whose deal?
- Andy, you're up.
- I'm due, baby. I am due.
- Hey, who found my pictures
from Barcelona?
- No, no, Chief,
can't touch the board.
Union rules.
[all cheering]
- Okay.
- Right back at ya.
- Just keep it down
in here, okay?
I'm trying to finish
these Baker Reports.
And I can't hear myself think.
- Maybe you should
ban gambling.
[laughter]
[video game chimes]
- Oh, man.
- What is that?
- It's my Tamanachi.
Uh-oh, he's hungry.
- You have to water it or--
- What? What?
Hey.
- Andy, clean that up.
- Hmm?
- He k*lled my pet.
[rock music]
♪ ♪
- Open sesame, bitch.
Okay.
There.
Oh-oh-oh,
scotch and cigars.
I knew he was
holding out on me.
Sweet tea and pretzel rods.
What the hell?
- Nothing special in there.
I told you there's no secrets.
Nothing sexy about this job.
- I thought the job
would be easier.
- Well, job's important.
So you learn to accept it
and keep the station running
'cause it helps people.
Then if you're lucky,
you might have a moment
to enjoy yourself
with your crew.
- Oh, Terry, there is
one more thing.
- Yeah.
- I'm not gonna finish
the Baker Report on time.
I'm sorry about that too.
- While I was on my back,
I did most of
the Baker Report for you.
- You did the Baker Report?
- Yeah.
- The Baker Report's
like 400 pages long.
What's wrong with you?
- I love that stuff.
It's fascinating.
- Machine parity?
- Machine parity is awesome.
- Okay, well, to each his own.
Thank you.
- You're welcome.
- Well, I feel much better,
Terry.
Here's to you.
Ugh, that sucks.
God, that's disgusting.
How do you drink this stuff?
- It's an acquired taste.
It's reliable,
neutral, like me.
Also, when I was on my back,
I learned that
I should probably
lighten up a little bit.
It's probably better if I was
more like the cool mom than
always being the tough dad.
You know what I mean?
- I like everything
you're saying.
But you're already the mom.
- I'm the dad.
I'm saying I'm trying to be
like the mom.
- No, no, no, I'm the dad.
You're the mom.
- You're the mom.
I'm clearly the dad.
Look at your hands.
They're slender.
- Look at your big tits.
- These are man tits.
- Okay, this is
gonna be so epic.
You call Eddie out here, right,
tell him his stupid
Tomaso tomato garbage
is in the fridge.
He'll open the fridge,
and then bam,
I'll scare the sh*t out of him.
[laughs]
- I don't know, Cap.
I don't think it's gonna work.
- Oh, come on, we do it
all the time on B shift.
Call Eddie up.
- Well, Chief is
a little bit on edge, so--
- I'm the captain,
and this is an order.
Call Eddie.
- Hey, Chief.
- Close the door.
Quick. Close the door.
- Okay.
Chief!
Hey, Chief.
- What's up, Andy?
- Captain Frenchie said
that your Tomaso tomato sauce
is ready in here.
- In here?
- Yeah.
- Awesome.
- Cap is back.
- Oh!
- Son of a bitch.
- Station 24,
MVA at the corner
at the corner of Cobalt
and Swan.
- Move it out.
- Guys. Guys!
I got to go
to the bathroom, guys.
It's freezing in here!
I don't want
to do this anymore.
- Hey-oh!
Hey.
Don't worry.
I'll just put this back myself.
- Welcome back, Chief.
- Skim milk. Really?
- That's what you wanted.
- Oh, where's the peanuts?
- I couldn't find them.
- Couldn't find peanuts?
- f*ck you guys!
- Ah, touchy.
- I don't think there's
enough room for all this stuff.
- Oh, hey, I think
they could use your help.
[8-bit game music playing]
- Blockazoid.
♪ ♪
- Rows complete.
- Impressive.
- Pretty good.
- Ooh, baby.
So glad Chief's back.
- Now we have dad and a dog.
- Speaking of which,
where is Hoser?
- Where do you think?
[evil laughter]
- He didn't k*ll the dog,
did he?
[laughter]
Sorry.
- Yeah, he k*lled the dog.
Come here, boy.
- Yeah, yeah.
[rock music]
♪ ♪
- [laughs]
Oh, yeah.
[exhales sharply]
It's good to be back.
Right, Hoser?
[dramatic sting]
[evil laughter]
♪ ♪
Woof, woof, woof, woof, woof!
Stupid dog.
[Lucy screams]
- Jeez, what?
- Oh.
- What's the matter with you?
Come and help us put the
groceries away there, screamy.
- Holy moly.
- I think I had
too many Hot Cheezos.
- Oh, too many Hot Cheezos.
- Okay.
- Who bought skim milk?
- f*ck you guys!
- [chuckles]
I just got déjà vu.
03x08 - Eddie the Chief
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Without many fires to extinguish (due to Tacoma being one of America's wettest cities), the firefighters are always ready to fight fires… but they end up tackling the less-glamorous elements of the job.
Without many fires to extinguish (due to Tacoma being one of America's wettest cities), the firefighters are always ready to fight fires… but they end up tackling the less-glamorous elements of the job.