02x13 - Yippie Tie Yie Yay, Get Along Little Doggies

[bunniefuu]

[snoring]

Aah!

Oh, hi.

It may have looked like I was just, um, uh, napping,

but in fact, reality game show hosts often get ideas

when they're sleeping,

so it was really a working sleep.

Take this down, Blossom.

The nextFETCH!show is somewhere

in the dream I just had. So you and I were riding

with our boss Henry on a plane with no roof.

It was an open plane and Henry's throat was hoarse.

And I said, "That's okay, dude, here's some ranch dressing

in a hat."

Yep, gave him ten gallons of the stuff in a hat.

And meanwhile, Henry couldn't steer the plane,

so you took over the wheel and I said,

"See, Henry, the cat'll drive."

Hmm, "the cat'll drive."

I wonder what it all could mean.

Not now, Blossom, I'm trying to think.

Oh, of course, ranch dressing.

I should have a salad-themed challenge.

Hmm, but how does the hoarse throat figure in?

Blossom, those leashes aren't toys, you know.

"The cat'll drive."

How could I have missed it?

I'll challenge the contestants

to put on cat suits and drive little go-carts.

What?

Why are you dressed like that?

RUFF: ♪ Life was missing its mystique ♪

♪ My squeaky toys had lost their squeak ♪

And then, out of the blue, I saw the phone and bam!

My destiny was calling me.

[instrumental jazz playing]

♪ Pitched my vision for a show

♪ They loved it, thought I was a pro ♪

♪ They got my contract back to find ♪

♪ To their alarm, a dog had signed ♪

♪FETCH!♪Oh, I like that name.

♪With Ruff Ruffman♪

♪ I didn't wait to renovate

♪ Found six contestants, all were great ♪

♪ And now I'm on the road to fame ♪

♪ I've got a game show and its name is... ♪

♪FETCH!♪

It's very catchy.

♪With Ruff Ruffman♪

It rolls off the tongue.

Wait, stop.♪With Ruff Ruffman.♪

Somebody want to tell me why we got cats singing?

♪FETCH!♪

And here come the contestants now.

She actually doesn't mind making her bed.

Bridget!

Her parents almost named her Taylor but decided on Madison.

Good choice.

You know her as Madi!

He has no allergies, but then again,

he's never tried living with cats.

Mike!

Her favorite juice is cranberry.

Nina!

He'd rather take the stairs than an elevator.

Not me.

Rosario!

He can catch food in his mouth-- my kind of guy.

Willie!

Hey, let's get an update on the scores.

KIDS: Yeah!

In fifth place, Madi with points.

Tied for fourth, Mike and Nina with points.

Bridget has slipped to third place with points.

All the way up to second place, Rosario with points,

and Willie is our new leader with points.

[cowboy accent]: Howdy, partners, and welcome toFETCH!,

the rootingest, tootingest

reality game show in, uh...

these here parts.

Cool.

Why are you talking like that?

Well, see, I had this dream

and resident dream interpreter Blossom Von Princess thinks

it was all about my inner cowboy.

And now I even have spurs that jingle-jangle-jingle.

Listen.[spurs squeak]

[normal voice]: Hey, wait a minute.

Hey!

These spurs are defective.

I want my money back.[all laughing]

Well, anyway, cowpokes,

even though my person has fenced me in,

it doesn't mean you have to be city slickers, too,

which brings us to today's challenge.

All right! Yeah!

CONTESTANTS: Hi, Blossom.

Blossom, I'm about to give the challenges out.

Come on!

Go west, young Fetchers.

You're going to a real working ranch.

All right!

Nina, Willie, Rosario, Mike, Bridget, Madi!

ALL: Oh!

That's right, group challenge today.

Your plane tickets to Colorado.

[all cheering]

And your instructions are in the mailbox.

Y'all, go Fetch now.

You hear?Awesome.

Guys, we're going west.

Yee-ha!

Bye, Ruff. Yee-ha!

Look out for saddle sores.

For our six contestants out on the challenge today...

[cowboy accent]: Up to points are at stake in the Triumph Tally.

So let's mosey on up

to the dude ranch with our six western dudes.

Heh, heh.

How do you like my accent, Blossom?

RUFF: Wow, it's the open plains.

Nothing but beautiful clear skies and clouds

and an SUV full of Fetchers

on their way to meet my friend Steve.

Yee-ha!

Oh, wonder if that's him

in the tough-looking boots and cool-looking hat.

Steel eyes.

Aspen Canyon Ranch.

Yep, that's Steve.

Howdy, y'all.

"Y'all" means "you all."

Hi, are you Steve?I'm Steve.

It's Steve, a real cowboy.

He's the ranch owner.

First thing y'all need to do

is go find the Tradin' Post, because you don't have

the right clothing on.

Y'all kind of look like city slickers to me.

Yeah, you guys can't ride horses and do all kinds of cowboy stuff

in those clothes.

Whoa!

Look at these hats.

That's so cute, Bridget.

Check it out!

I get the fringe!

That is so cool.

I can't wait to see what my Fetchers look like

in their new western duds.

RUFF: These look like some tough characters.

Better keep my Fetchers away from them.

Wait a minute, thosearemy Fetchers!

Aha, ha, ha.

Blossom, would you see if these guys are putting me on?

Flannel and hats and boots and tough looks.

Now you guys are looking pretty good.

Thanks.You guys ready to know what the challenge is?

Yeah.

You're going to lead a cattle drive.

A real cattle drive!

Just like the movies.

What's a cattle drive?What's that?

STEVE: A cattle drive is when we

go get cows and we're gonna move

'em from one pasture to another. We're gonna gather 'em

up, and then we're gonna take 'em to the home ranch.

How do we get there?We're gonna get there on horseback, so...

[contestants cheering]

We're not walking? We can't walk?Nope.

RUFF: Sorry, Rosario.

We're going to get you up on a horse, buddy.

Ms. Gin is going to teach you all how to ride.

Hello, guys.

I'm Gin.

RUFF: Gin is short for Virginia.

GIN: We're going to learn how to get on a horse, first of all.

I'm going to put my left foot in the stirrup

and I'm going to swing up.

I have a steering wheel in my hand right here, don't I?

Yeah.I pull on his neck

and over he goes.

What do you do to make him go faster?

I'm just going to click to him.

[clicks tongue]

That got him moving right there.

And you can also kick.

How do you make them stop?

You're going to pull back and then release.

Come on down here and say hello to Mr. b*llet for me.

Would you?

Hi, b*llet.

[gasps] As beautiful as he is, I'm going to go back up.

RUFF: Oh, come on now, Rosario.

You're wearing a flannel shirt.

You've got to get tough.

I have the weirdest feeling in my gut right now.

It's not even funny.Oh, Rosario,

this is going to be a long day.

I see you've all got your helmets on

and are ready to go.

Time to meet the horses.

Madi, would you come down, please?

This is Cash.

Hi, Cash.

Mike, this is Fancy.

Willie, this is Gap.

Awesome, this is so cool.

This is Navajo.

This is Phoenix.Hey, Phoenix.

And Rosario.

My heart's b*ating.

GIN: His name is Sterling because he looks like sterling silver.

I'm just a little nervous right now.

You're going to be fine, Rosario.

Rosario, how you doing?

Would you like to follow me, please?

Click and kick and come in right behind me.

It's really cool.Look at these guys; they're riding like professionals.

Come on, Cash.These are the skills my Fetchers will need

in order to run a real cattle drive.

We're going to learn how to run barrels.

We're going to do one right-hand turn

right over here at this barrel,

then a left-hand turn over there.

This is like driver's ed... but with horses.

Give her a click and a kick.

Nicely done, Madi.

Oh, I turned the barrel.

And here's M-Dog.

Uh-oh, that's a traffic violation.

That a girl.

Rosario.

Rosario, second gear, buddy, come on.

Easy there.

There you go! Beautiful!That's it, buddy.

All this riding is making me hungry.

Ooh! Blossom, let's try some of that beef jerky that Gin sent me

from the ranch.

Oh, oh, I think that was my filling.

Folks, we're warming up for the rodeo.

That's right.

First the Fetchers are going to learn some basic riding skills,

and then they'll be competing against each other in a rodeo.

Rosario, we're going across the water, okay?

They're going to have to go through the what?

Oh, Rosario.

Come on, you're going grandma pace.

These guys are doing great.

My dentist said it would cost $ to replace my filling.

But who needs a dentist

when you have the Do It Yourself Dental Kit?

Huh, it says "gold for filling not included."

Where can a dog get his paws on some gold? Ooh!

My Fetchers can pan for it.

I'd better make some calls.

This looks like a good place

to do some panning for gold.

Uh, do you know what gold is?

It's a mineral.

Gold is a mineral.

But we're going to see if we can find some today.

I see a whole bunch of shiny things around here.

RUFF: Wow, it looks like there's gold everywhere!

These kids have hit the jackpot!

Could it be what we call fool's gold?

Fool's gold?

Or could it be the real thing?

You mean not everything that's yellow and shiny is real gold?

MIKE: How can you know if it's fool's gold or not?

Every mineral has different characteristics

that distinguish it from another mineral.

So I've brought some gold

and some iron pyrite, or fool's gold.

It says here in my dictionary

that fool's gold is a common mineral

that looks like gold, but is almost worthless.

GIN: If we talk about gold,

we know that it is very opaque.

It conducts electricity,

and we know it flattens with a hammer.

And then we have iron pyrite

or fool's gold.

It is also opaque,

but it will shatter if you hit it with a hammer,

and it will conduct a little bit of electricity.

See if you can figure out which

of these minerals is exactly the one you're looking for.

So, I think this one is the gold.

Should probably check if it's opaque.

Which it is, 'cause I can't see through it.

RUFF: That's right.

"Opaque" means you can't see through it.

I brought a battery and a little beeper here

so that we can figure out

which one will conduct electricity very well.

Gold conducts electricity.

That means the electricity will go

through the gold and the wire to make the buzzer buzz.

[buzzing] GIN: Oh! It does buzz.

NINA: We just have to check

if it flattens when being hit with a hammer.

MIKE: Yeah, it's flattening.

That means it's real gold.

GIN: You're right-- that's the real gold,

and it's passed all three tests.

And this is fool's gold.

NINA: Well, first you have to check if it's opaque.

Can you see through it? No.

It's opaque.Then it must be opaque.

All right, let's try the battery.

[faint buzzing]

NINA: Oh, yeah, it's really faint.

GIN: Yes, it does conduct electricity,

but not like the real gold did.

MIKE: Okay.

And what is the third test?

It must shatter.

Oh! Oh! Whoa!

GIN: Look at that! It did shatter, didn't it?

NINA: It turned into powder.

Now that you know how to identify gold,

shall we go try to hunt for some?

Yup. Let's go.

Oh, look at that.There you go.

GIN: Gold is very heavy.

It will sink to the bottom.

So as we pan for it,

we will know because it will go directly to the bottom,

and the rest of the things will be washed off.

RUFF: They keep sloshing water and sand out of the pan

until only the really dense stuff is left, like gold.

And you continue to add the water

so that it removes the materials

that are very, very non-dense.

Right.

Look, I'm panning for kibble.

Mmm. Oh, it's all kibble.

I found gold!

Good for you. Show me.

There.

RUFF: Gold!

Yes!

I found gold, too.

It's right there.

NINA: It's opaque, and it's dense.

Those pieces are pretty small,

but it looks like they might be the real thing.

They're opaque, they're dense,

they're too small to test with electricity,

but let's see if they flatten when they're hit with a hammer.

It's flat!

GIN: Okay, guys, let's put that gold

in the vial and head back to the ranch.

It's real gold, and it's enough to fill my tooth!

Stick it in the mail, guys. Thanks.

Hi, I'm Taylor.

RUFF: This is Taylor.

And one thing you need to know about on a cow drive is roping.

He's a roping expert.

I have one of those at home. I got it

for like, my eighth birthday.Do you?

Yeah, I practice on, like, a life-size stuffed horse.

So you're an expert.

Well, let's see if Madi's a roping expert.

You want to aim for their horns.

You swing this over your head like this,

and you'll just throw it like a baseball.

Pulling it slack.

Get your elbow back.

Like that?Yeah, and just throw it.

He got it!

RUFF: A first try!

Almost, Bridget.

Ooh.

Like this?No, you're going the wrong way.

RUFF: Madi, you're supposed to have this thing down.

Go, Bridge.

RUFF: Okay. Close.

Sorry.

That rope thing...

RUFF: There's a miss.

Oh!

Yee-ha.

Like... Sorry.

RUFF: And back to the roping expert.

If you go ahead...RUFF: Nice camera work, Murray.

Be careful now. Don't get roped by the Fetchers.

And here's Willie.

Oh, he got it!

Yeah!

RUFF: Whoa, I think we have

a new roping expert!

Four in a row!

I'll do it.

RUFF: Look. Now Willie roped Murray.

Murray, what did I just tell you?

Okay, guys, it's time for the rodeo.

[applause and cheering]

It's time for the rodeo! Yes!

STEVE: The first event here is going to be the Clover Leaf Barrels.

Boys first.

GIN: Rosario!

Come on, Rosario, you can do it, buddy.

[clicking tongue]

STEVE: Go ahead and take off.[clicks tongue]

GIN: Go, Sterling.

Go, Sterling. Go!

Give him a kick.

RUFF: Maybe it's still in park.

Oh, there you go.

[cheering]RUFF: Oh, look at him go.

STEVE: Good job.

GIN: Whoa! He's doing great!

Go, go, go, go.

All right, Willie, you're up.Yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

STEVE: Nice tight turn.

GIN: Good boy! Go!

Go, go.

GIN: That's good, Mike.

STEVE: Way to go.

Cowboys, your time is two minutes, seconds.

MADI: Come on, cowgirls.

Giddy-up there, horsey.

And now it's time for the girls.

Two minutes, seconds is the time to b*at.

GIN: Go, Bridget!MIKE: Look at her move!

All right, Nina.

GIN: Come on, Nina, that a girl!

STEVE: It's going to be close.Nina!

What's our time?

Two minutes...

Oh!

... seconds. Yes!

Oh, the boys win it by ten seconds.

Nice job.

[indistinct chatter]

STEVE: All right, we got the Flag Race going here.

RUFF: All right, Flag Race.

Take the flag out of one bucket.

Oh.

RUFF: Tap the barrel for good luck, excellent.

GIN: Go! Madi! Come on.

RUFF: And place the flag back into another barrel.

STEVE: All right, and the next person goes.

GIN: Nina!

STEVE: Good job. That's the way.

Stick it, throw it.

RUFF: In the bucket, in the bucket, guys.

Okay...

RUFF: Got it right in.

STEVE: Good job.

Now it's time for the boys.

Go, Rosario!

STEVE: Ready whenever you are.Whoa, thank you.

GIN: Good job.

RUFF:And Rosario gets the flag. STEVE: A lucky grab.

Whoa.

GIN: That's the way, Willie.

STEVE: And good grab. All right.

Looks like the boys and girls are both missing

some of the buckets.

Oh, we won't count it against them.

STEVE: All right, girls,

two minutes, seconds.

Good job.

Boys, your time is one minute, seconds.

Boy, that's a clear-cut victory there.

STEVE: This is our Texas Barrels.

GIN: Go, Madi!

STEVE: You're looking good, Madi.

GIN: Nice going, Madi.

You are looking good, Madi.

Now go, Nina.

STEVE: Nice tight turn there.

GIN: Nice going, Nina.

Yeah, Bridget...

Yeah, Bridget, you can do it.

STEVE: All right, girls,

time of one minute, seconds.

Now for the boys.

Whoa!

RUFF: Whoa, Rosario.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

STEVE: Nice sound effects, good job.

Nice job, Willie.

GIN: Nice going, Willie.That's the way to do it.

Go, Mike.Go, Mike!

GIN: Go, Michael!

Go, Michael!

STEVE: Burst of speed.

Good job, g*ng.

One minute, seconds.

Whoa, the girls take it by one second!

STEVE: Way to go. Y'all looked really good.

[cowboy accent]: I'll tell you what, kids.

Nothing beats a long day of roping and riding

and gold mining than a good,

old-fashioned western barbecue.

Hi, Ruff. Want some food?RUFF: Yes, I do.

I don't think you'd like this, Ruff. This is not Chinese food.

So what? I eat meat!

Hi, guys. My name is Leah.

Hey, that's Leah, that's Steve's daughter.

Out here in the west, we like to line dance after dinner.

So you guys want to give it a try?

Ooh, line dancing!

I've always wanted to try this.

My name is Mike, and I'm your dance instructor.

Just keep smiling and don't forget to breathe.

Smiling and breathing, I can do that.

Ready and right behind right...

Left behind left.Left behind left.

Right behind right, left behind left.

Right, left, left, aah!

Five, six, seven, eight. Whoo![country music plays]

Whoo!

Back two.

I think I may have finally found a dance

that I can do, Blossom.

Whoo!That was great!

Grab a partner!

What? Get in a circle with a partner!

RUFF: Oh, they're partnering up and do-si-do'ing.

Watch them go!

It's like they've been doing it their whole lives.

[cheering]

All right, let's ride our horses to the pot of gold.

[humming theme to The Lone Ranger]

[laughing]

Well, guys, it's been a long day.

One of the traditions after, um,

when we're getting ready to do a cattle drive,

is we sit around a camp fire

and we sing a few songs.

Well, I'm all for tradition, Steve.

I love singing.

[harmonica playing]ALL: ♪ Home...

♪ Home on the range

Yeah!♪ Where the deer...

STEVE: ♪ Deer and the antelope play

♪ Where seldom is heard a discouraging word ♪

♪ And the skies are not cloudy all day... ♪

KIDS: Yeah!

Whoo!

RUFF: Good night, kids.

[howling]

[coughing]

That was my inner coyote coming out there.

[meowing]Oh, what was that?

WILLIE: I think it's going to go good.

I think we're going to round all these cows up

and get them all to...

I don't know-- where are we getting them... all to?

Up.

Now my Fetchers are saddling up.

We're up and ready to take on these cows.

Looking good, young lady.

Willie, my butt already hurts, and we just sat down.

Getting on top of their horses and off to move that cattle.

[clicking tongue]

You ready to do the cattle drive? Yep.

Yes, I'm ready.

Remember what we're doing is

we're moving our cattle from this pasture up here,

because they ate all the grass.

We're going to move them five miles down the road

to the home ranch.

There's new grass there.

We're going to have Willie, Madi and Nina on the point.

The point is you're going to be leading us

and directing us where we're going to go.

Bridget, Mike and Rosario, y'all going to be our drag riders.

Our drag riders are going to bring up the rear, and you're

going to keep the cows moving

in the same direction in which our point leaders are taking us.

All right, you guys, you ready?

KIDS: Yeah!

All right, let's go. Move 'em out.

ALL: Yee-haw!

RUFF: And off they go.

Go, cow.

All right, cows, you behave for my Fetchers now.

I don't want any trouble out of any of you.

Su!

A real cattle drive.

Ruff, you come up with the coolest ideas on this show.

[cattle lowing]

Move 'em on down, little doggie.

Come on.

[snorting]Bless you.

You look at these Fetchers, and you'd never even know

that they just learned how to ride a horse yesterday.

GIN: Stay right with them, Rosario, that a boy.

What are you looking at?

Move, move, cow.

Point crew is doing really good, drag crew is doing good.

We're making good progress.

We should be there in a few more hours.

[meowing]Can you speed it up a little bit?

It's only a half-hour show.

Hi, cowsies.

They're so cute.

Oh, hey, there's cows from another field.

Oh, family reunion.

Uh-oh, looks like our cows aren't too happy about that.

[cows mooing]All right, now, easy there.

Let's not have a rumble.

All right, everybody settle down!

Settle down!

We can all get along here.

[meowing]Just coming through.

GIN: Whoops, there's a stray.

Hey, we have a defector!

Hey, come back here.

Yeah, I'm gonna go get him.Go on.

Go get him, Mike.Come on, girl.

And Mike and Leah are bringing the cow home.

Uh-oh, he's hopped the fence.

MIKE: Leah, should I come?

GIN: No, sweetie.

This is for the wranglers.

Come on back here, little guy.

There we go, there we go.

Okay, Mike, now you bring him on home, buddy.

Let's go get the rest of them, let's move them on down there.Yee-haw!

Come on, guys, why you going so slow?

There's more fresh grass to eat down the road.

Yee-haw!

What are you doing? This is not a rest stop, keep moving.

Two miles to go.

Willie's looking good.

MADI: Ruff, look at the view.

STEVE: Kind of pretty, isn't it?

This is awesome.

One mile to go.[meowing]

STEVE: Almost could see it from here.

Ah, that must be the home ranch.

[meowing]Look, Blossom, incredible!

[cows mooing]They did it!

Gate's open.

In you go, in you go, in you go.

Everybody's back.

They did it!

GIN: Way to go, guys!

STEVE: Good job, guys.

You got them in. Way to go.

[meowing] And they're in, they made it!

Incredible.

Ruff, you should be very proud of the kids.

They did a fantastic job.

Oh, I am, Steve.

All right, well, thank you, guys.

That was really good.

KIDS: Thanks.

Head on back to the garage, okay?

Steve, it's not a garage.

Come on back to Studio G, guys.

Don't bring those horses back here.

I do not have a big enough pooper scooper.

Great sh*t there at the end there, Murray.

That was nice.

And now, galloping back to Studio G,

it's Willie, Mike, Madi, Bridget, Rosario and Nina!

That was so cool.

That is an awesome horse.

Well, I tell you, what do you say we, uh,

rustle up some points?

Yeah!Yeah!

For transforming yourself

in hours into cowboys and cowgirls,

when I could have sworn you were just a bunch

of city slickers when you left the studio, points.

[cheering]

Time for the rodeo.

RUFF: In the rodeo competition, there were three rounds.

Five points a round,

and the boys took two of the three matches.

The guys take that one.

RUFF: Willie, Mike and Rosario, ten points each.

[cheering]

Girls take that one.

RUFF: And the girls, five points.

Hey. Still good.

But in the clutch...

You ready to do the cattle drive?

RUFF: All six of you came through and steered those steer home.

STEVE: Good job, guys, you got 'em in.

That's points for all!

[cheering]

Now, Rosario....

Just a little nervous right now.

You looked a little nervous on top of that horse at first.

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

But hey, you were acaballero by the end.

Most improved cowboy, points.

[cheering]

Rosario.

RUFF: Mike...

I found gold, too.

Not only did you find enough gold to fill my tooth,

you also made a dramatic save of a wayward steer.

Yeah, I'm going to get it. Come on, let's go.

RUFF: And that's worth points for you, my friend.

[cheering]

Nice, Michael.

Is that all the points a dog can give?

KIDS: No.

What time is it?

KIDS: Bonus points.

And the five points are going to the cowpokes

who were good sports, even when losing the rodeo.

[cheering]

Good job, you guys.

Five points to the girls.

[cheering]

That means... Fetch ...

Mike with points!

You're today's daily winner.

All right, Mike. Yeah!

[cowboy accent]: Now, Mike, I have here

two -gallon Stetson hats.

Under one Stetson...

the yee-hawingest prize north of the Alamo.

Under the other Stetson, an itty-bitty yee-haw.

So Mike, which hat is it going to be?

I'll take Hat A.

Well, step on up to the mailbox, Mike,

and retrieve your prize.

Go, Michael.

What is it?

Ruffman's Ranch Dressing.

RUFF: That's right, turn your salad

into a Western adventure with a bottle

of Ruffman's Own Ranch Dressing.

That's good.

I've got crates of this stuff.

I've got to get rid of it somehow.

Enjoy it, Mike.

I'm sure I will.

That brings us to the end

of another yee-haw episode ofFETCH! with Ruff Ruffman.

Yeah.

Until next time, take care,

my little cowboys and cowgirls.

KIDS: Bye, Ruff.

Bye, Blossom.Bye.

FETCH!

Ruff's Cologne Commercial take .

[humming]

♪ It's rugged and it braces

♪ When you're in cattle chases

♪ You'll wish you had ten cases of Ruff's Rawhide ♪

♪ It's cologne you'll want to lasso ♪

♪ From Pittsburgh to El Paso

♪ It's got a lot of class, oh...! ♪

♪ Ruff's Rawhi...

Blossom.

What? My cologne doesn't smell that bad.

Does it?

Huh. Well, I guess

one shouldn't repackage one's ranch salad dressing

as a cologne, after all.

Thanks, partner.



[Ruff scatting]

♪FETCH!♪

♪With Ruff Ruffman!♪

[Ruff scatting]

♪FETCH!♪

♪With Ruff Ruffman!♪

♪FETCH!♪