02x17 - The Devil's Taste Buds

[bunniefuu]

Previously on Bob Hearts Abishola You are going to Nigeria this summer.

I am? You will behave and represent this family well.

You will also call me every day.

Of course.

Before the plane takes off, after it lands, before, during and after every car trip.

Yes, Mum.

It does not matter how things are with your father and me.

This trip will be good for you.

That is what matters.

Thank you, Mum.

And I will never be against you.

Okay, Mama.

Be safe.

Yes, Mum.

And, Dele I will be watching everything you do.

Hello, Mum.


(GASPS) You look skinny.


- I'm fine.


- Are you sure? Tell Granny to make you eba and okra stew.

You'll be nice and chubby by the weekend.

I haven't seen Granny yet.

Weren't you supposed to see her yesterday? Dad got us tickets to a football match.

Uh, Gran didn't mind.

Was she smiling when she said that? Because if she was, that means she does mind.

No, I can't right now.

I'm talking to my mum.

Who's that? Oh, that's Bola.

Who is Bola?
- My sister.


- Oh.


- Do you want to say hi?
- No.


- Oh, is that Dele?
- Yes.

Look how skinny he is.

Before he left, we should have fattened him up like a Christmas goose.

UNCLE TUNDE: Dele, this is Morenike.

She will be renting your room while you are gone.

What?
- Hello, Morenike.


- Hello, Dele.

Hello, Morenike.

Excuse us.

Why did you not tell me this? I'm sorry, when did this become your apartment? I know you are sad at Dele being gone, but you can be happy knowing that his room is not sitting empty, gobbling money.


("IFANLA" BY SOLA AKINGBOLA PLAYING)
- Ah, good morning.


- Hey, good morning.

I thought you'd have left for work already.

Oh, you're right.

I'm late.

Better call my boss.

Hey, Bob, is it okay if I hang out with Abishola for a minute?
(CHUCKLES) Very funny.

Do you mind? I'm on the phone with my boss.


(CHUCKLES) I should get your mother's workout ready.


- Actually, she just left.


- What? She and Christina went to Mom's house to take care of some stuff.


(SIGHS) Why didn't you call me? I just found out myself.

When will they be back? Not until later.

So what am I supposed to do, be paid to sit around and do nothing? It's the American dream.

You know I cannot do that.

First there's a stranger in Dele's room, and now you have ruined my whole day.

Wait, who's in Dele's room? Auntie and Uncle rented it out to a cousin.

What? You didn't tell me that.


(MOCKING): I just found out myself.

Look, I'm sorry things got screwed up.

But if you want, I could call my boss and see if I could take the day off.

Don't be ridiculous.

There's no reason for the both of us to be useless.


(GRUNTING) You got this, Christina.

Almost there.

You can do it.


(BOTH GRUNTING) Mission accomplished.


- Now, was that so hard?
- Yeah.

It was very hard.

Yeah, well, try carrying the whole family on your back.

See how that feels.

Listen, will you get me that blue box in the closet? It's on the top shelf.

You made me carry you up an entire flight of stairs to grab you a box? Couldn't I have just brought it down to you? Hindsight's 20/20, sweetie.


(SIGHS): Oh, boy.

It's, um, been a while, huh? Yep.

I guess the last time you were here was P.

S.

P.

S.

? Oh pre
-stroke.

Cute.

I bet you miss this place.

Oh, it's just a house.

Yeah, but it's your house.

Not for long.

Oh, come on, Mom.

I don't think God's in any rush to get you to heaven.


(CHUCKLES) I'm not dying.

I'm selling the place.

What? You
-you can't just sell the house.

Now, don't get all Christina on me.

But this is our family home.

We should discuss this as a family.

Pass.

Okay.

I think I know where this is coming from.

There have been a lot of changes this past year, a lot of stuff that you can't do anything about, so you want to have control over this one thing.

You know, for someone so young, you're very insightful.

Thank you.


(CHUCKLES) It is a wonderful place that has anything you could possibly need for your daily life.

What is it called again? Costco.

Yes.

We will take you.

The first time can be an overwhelming experience.

Thank you for letting me stay here.

And giving me this guidance.

Ah, much like Costco,
- we have wisdom in bulk.


- Mm.

I love this American stew.

What is it called? It is not American.

This is ogbono.

Oh.

Well, whatever it is, it is wonderful.

Perhaps I should make you something else? Oh, no, Auntie.

I just need to get used to America's more subdued flavors.

Subdued? I think it is very smart you have immersed yourself in the culture, with the mild food, the American decorations.

Even your accents.

What is wrong with our accents? Oh, nothing.

I love the way you say "ogbono.

" Ogbono.

Mm
-mm.

Ogbono.


- Ogbono.


- Ogbono.

Og
-bo
-no! Never mind.

Just pass the fufu.

Fufu.

Ah.

I just love your American accents.


(SPEAKING YORUBA TENSELY) Hello?
- The wife?
- Yes.

She hang up on you? Yes.

You know, before I dated Abishola, I would've said call her right back, but now You have to let them stew.

You have to let 'em stew.

Like a tough cut of beef.

Doesn't ignoring them just make them angrier? That would be impossible.

Nigerian women start out furious and make their way down to, "I will not k*ll you in your sleep.

" Yeah, the trick is to diffuse the situation before she has a chance to get mad.

How do you do that? Yeah, that's the piece of the puzzle I haven't figured out yet.

Oh, I love puzzles.

You're kidding.

Me, too.

I recently finished a breathtaking one of marine life.

Ah, that's a lot of blue.

I started with the objects: coral, clown fish, the diver's flippers.


- Smart.


-
(CHUCKLES) What? You two need girlfriends.

They could help with the puzzles.


(CHUCKLES): Yeah.

Oh, my God, we do need girlfriends.

I did a surprise Taco Tuesday on a Thursday.

Ooh, girl, you're out of control.


- Abishola.


- Hello.

What are you doing here? You don't have work today.

I was not needed at Bob's house, so I came by to see if I could pick up some extra hours.

Wait, you had the day off from work, so you came to work to ask for more work? Yes.

This is a hospital.

You come here if you're being paid or dying.

Leave this place immediately.

Go.

I'm just not good at being worthless.

How do the two of you do it?
(SCOFFS) Well, first of all, don't call it worthless.

And second, I go to a museum or a ball game.

Gloria and I sometimes go to the jazz club.

Mm! Yeah, we get all dressed up, have a couple of cocktails.


- It's fun.


- Good worthless fun.

Fine, I'll go with you tonight.

Tonight?
- Oh, I
-I would have to change some things around.


- Okay.

Change those things.

What time? What do you think? Aw, what the hell.

Let's keep this crazy Taco Thursday train running.

But if you do this, you will have to adhere to some rules.

I like rules.

First off, we know the music's loud.


- Don't keep saying it.


- Okay.

And don't count how many drinks I've had.

I already know it's too many.

Okay.

And don't be one of those women that flirts with the musicians.

That's my thing.

And don't play air instruments along with the band.

That's my thing.

Oh wait.

You can't throw these away.

These are my first ballet slippers.

Are you gonna cry at every piece of junk we take out of these boxes? No.

Oh Christina.

Well, I don't understand.

You're feeling better.

You can move back in soon.

Why can't you just stay here till you die? Because I'll be alone.

By the time you kids figure out I'm dead, I'll already be haunting the next family.

We
-We'll hire a cleaning lady.

She'll find the body.

All I'm saying is, none of you came around P.

S.

P.

S.

? "Pre
-stroke.

" It's your stupid term.

We saw you all the time.

At work.

Because you were paid to.

And it was a job that came with benefits: seeing you.

Knock it off.

All of you left this house the minute you could and you never looked back.

Now it's my turn.

Okay, I get it.

You were lonely.

But what if I moved back in here with you? You'd do that? No.

Wow.

If we weren't already engaged, I'd say you were out of my league.


- You can still say it.


- Hey, stand there.

Let me take your picture.

Uh, you know what? I don't like the lighting.

Move over there.


- Bob.


- I'm just excited.

You're going out with the girls.

You never go out with the girls.


-
(CAMERA CLICKS)
-
(DOORBELL RINGS) They're here.

It's happening.


-
(DOOR OPENS)
- BOB: Hey!
-
(OVERLAPPING GREETINGS)
- BOB: Wow, you ladies look wonderful.


- GLORIA: Thank you.


- Wait, smile.

BOB: Uh, I don't like the lighting.

Move over there.

Bob, let them in.


- Ah
- Oh, look at you.

Look at you.

Look at us.

GLORIA: Oh.

Boom.

Can I get you ladies anything before you go? Wine? Beer? Mixed drink? I don't think we have time for that.

Do you have champagne?
- I can rustle up some bubbles.


- Mmm.

I'll have a glass.

We should get going.

We don't want to be late for our worthless night out.

Wrong.

We don't want to be early.

The only people who show up to the club early are tourists and prostitutes.

And you certainly aren't tourists.

Sorry, just excited.


- Well, this is nice.


- Mm
-hmm.

All we need now is some music.

Hold, please.


-
("LADIES' NIGHT" BY KOOL & THE g*ng PLAYING)
- All right, Sock Man.


-
(LAUGHTER)
- Mmm.

Bob, I can always count on you for the good stuff.

Only the best for my gal's pals.

Seriously, make yourselves at home and hang out for as long as you want.

Are you sure about that? Una margarita for la señorita.

Gracias.

Our house Cabernet.

Thank you, dear.

And an old fashioned.

Thank you, Sock Man.


- Bob, this is so sweet.


- No problem.

No, I am telling you it is too sweet.

Make it again.


-
(LAUGHTER)
- Okay, okay.

Famous Bobs.

Marley.

Uh, Newhart.

Wheeler.


(IMITATES BUZZER SOUND) Bob Wheeler is a nobody.


- Drink!
- Drink!
- He is my nobody.


- Oh.


(LAUGHS) Mm
-mm.


- Next category.


- Mm
-hmm.


- Mm
-hmm.

Nigerian students who were accepted into every Ivy League school.

Harold Ekeh.

Oludamilola Oluwadara Adekeye.

Oh, come on, y'all.


- Drink!
- Drink!
(LAUGHS) This is so much fun.

Yeah.

It's nice to see you cut loose for once.

KEMI: You may not believe me, but Abishola used to be the life of the party.


- I don't believe you.


- Mm
-hmm.

KEMI: Old Abishola told jokes, sang, she was a beautiful dancer.

What? But she d*ed a slow, boring death many, many years ago.

When I had Dele, Tayo and I were already struggling to get by.

Then Tayo left and I didn't have time for foolish things anymore.

Sometime life just gets in the way, huh?
(JAZZ MUSIC PLAYING) Ooh! I love this song.


(IMITATES STRUMMING BASS) Oh, here we go.


(COUGHING, SPUTTERING) What is wrong? I
-I had some of the food that Morenike brought.

I have one word for it.


(SCREAMS) It's not you.

The girl has the devil's taste buds.

It was so embarrassing, uh, sweating and crying in front of her.

You have nothing to be embarrassed about.

We spent more time in Nigeria than she has been alive.

I marched for my country's independence.

And I was almost Miss Lagos.

Well, if the water commissioner's daughter had not entered, you would have won.

If I'd known his bribe was going to be that big, I would not have learned to juggle.

Nigeria is in our bones.

Uh, no matter how we speak, h
-how we eat, or how much time spent away.

Nothing can change what is in our hearts.

Nothing.

Tunde, look at the time.

Oh, The Masked Singer is on.

Oh, I'll make the Jiffy Pop.


(LAUGHS) Who do you think they will unmask tonight? The giant pelican.

And I am convinced it is Macaulay Culkin.

What has happened to me? I know the star of Home Alone, yet I cannot pronounce "ogbono.

" Ogbono.

How's the fried rice? Pretty good.

I know you don't think I was the best mother.

Wow.

No.

I I just thought there was more.

There is, but I thought there would be some protest.

Just to be polite.

You are the best mother.

You're lying, but it's still nice to hear.

You know, it's been kind of great spending so much time with you kids while I've been at Bob's.

It has been.

In a weird way, I feel like the stroke has given me a second chance.

It's given all of us a second chance.

And for the record, you weren't so horrible.

Go back to lying.

No, I mean, you didn't bake cookies or check my homework, and you kind of missed a lot of what my therapist called "significant milestones.

" Bring it home, will you? But after Dad d*ed, I saw you pull yourself together and get up and go back to MaxDot.

I really didn't have much choice.

You did.

You could have broken down and curled up in a ball.

But you ran the business.

You kept us afloat.

Thank you, honey.

You know, the few things I like about myself, I get from you.

You know, your strength, your work ethic.

You never take no for an answer.

Hmm.

Neither do you.

Yeah.

And I have the restraining orders to prove it.


-
- GLORIA: Ooh, that's my jam.

All right, get up, y'all.

Let me see if y'all know this dance.

Abishola doesn't dance.

Normally that is true, but I have been drinking.


(LAUGHS) Come on, y'all, help me move this table out the way.

Come on, come on, push, push, push.

All right, y'all.

We gonna do the Detroit Hustle.

You got it? Follow me.

Here we go.

And salsa.

And out and up and salsa.

And toe and toe, and cross, cross, cross, cross, slide.

Cross, cross, cross, cross, slide.

Slow down, slow down, slow down.

Oh, no, the liquor has stolen my rhythm.


-
(LAUGHS)
- I do not think it's the liquor.


(LAUGHTER) All right, I got mixers and snacks.

And I had this piñata in my garage, and I thought, "I'll just bring it over.

" Great.

I need you to walk those drinks out, and we're 86'ed on ice.


- Copy.


-
(PHONE RINGING) Oh, oh.

It's Dele, it's Dele.

Bob, please turn down the music.


(CLEARS THROAT) Hello, Dele.


(CHUCKLES) E kaale, Mum.

Did you have a good day? Oh, it's, uh, it's morning here.


(LAUGHS): Oh.

It is.

When you get back, you have to help me learn this dance that Gloria knows.

You want me to help you dance? Ah, Dele doesn't think I know how to dance, either.


(LAUGHTER) That's because you cannot.

Ah
-ah
-ah.

You are laughing at your mother.

No, I'm just happy to see you happy.

Aw.

And I am happy that you are happy that I am happy.

Oh, I love you, Dele.

I miss you very much.

I love you, too, Mum.

You do?
(CHUCKLING): Yes.

Good.

I love my mother, but I do not like her.

Do you like me? KEMI: Okay, that's enough.

Bye
-bye, Dele.

ABISHOLA: But I want to talk to my son.

KEMI: I'm saving you.

You must never tell your children the truth.

I'm glad Mum is having a good time.

Maybe too good a time.

Another reason why you should stay here with me.

I hope you enjoy the soup.

I tried to make it less spicy for you.


(STRAINS): Yes, very mild.

Here, have more pepper.

Oh.

No, please.

Uh, ladies first.

How thoughtful.

It is so enjoyable going in.

I'm sure it will be just as enjoyable coming out.