04x01 - Season Four Is Cancelled

[bunniefuu]

Hi! The next season of FETCH! is going to be so good,

you'll call it "FETCHerific,"

though you can also call it "cancelled."

Yep, 'cause I've just been fired.

[sobbing]

And it was all going so well!

Jay had just been crowned

season three champion, but then...

Where's my Barcalounger?

...my brother Scruff Ruffman stole all my stuff.

Scruff!

And then I got this fax.

"Dear Mr. Ruffman, you are fired."

...saying I've been canned.

But hey, we had a good run, right?

Lots of happy memories here, so I'm fine, really.

[sobbing]

RUFF: ♪ Life was missing its mystique ♪

♪ My squeaky toys had lost their squeak ♪

And then, out of the blue, I saw the phone and bam!

My destiny was calling me.

[instrumental jazz playing]

♪ Pitched my vision for a show

♪ They loved it, thought I was a pro ♪

♪ They got my contract back to find ♪

♪ To their alarm, a dog had signed ♪

♪ FETCH! ♪Oh, I like that name.

♪ With Ruff Ruffman ♪

♪ I didn't wait to renovate ♪

♪ Found six contestants, all were great ♪

♪ And now I'm on the road to fame ♪

♪ I've got a game show and its name is ♪

♪ FETCH! ♪

It's very catchy.

♪ With Ruff Ruffman ♪

It rolls off the tongue.

RUFF: You know, I bet Arthur doesn't have to deal

with stuff like this.

Funding fo[crying] Oh, you're right, Blossom.

We have to start thinking like FETCHers!

We need perseverance, courage, and above all,

a calm, focused mind.

Let's get out the yoga mats.

Oh, and we need Chet.

[bell ringing]Oh, Chet?

Chet?

Okay, where's Chet?

You saw him last in the FETCH ?

You mean the FETCH stolen by Scruff?

But that means...

Chet!

Where are you?!

Oh, he was the best assistant ever!

Kind of?

Okay, not so much.

[door bell rings]

Oh, what is it now?

It's a letter from Charlene!

She's finally come to her senses.

Oh, she wants me to be her date to the Poodle Ball.

Oh, "It's a very fancy ball,

so I hope you have a pair of fancy pants."

Not to worry.

I have a closet chock-full of...

hangers.

Curse you, Scruff! You even took my pants?!

Oh, no.

She says she wants me as her date

'cause I'm the host of a reality game show.

If she finds out I've been fired, she'll dump me

and go with Spot Spotnik instead.

Yes, the fax says I'm fired.

I can read.

Huh, that's strange.

It's signed "Ha Ha."

Maybe it's all just a joke.

Or wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute...

Look at this.

It says here our TV station

was bought last week

by the richest woman in Australia, Harriet Hackensack.

"Ha Ha."

It must have been Harriet who sent this fax.

"Little is known about the reclusive Hackensack.

"She never leaves her hotel room, but she's also known

"to be very rich and a masass... missosin... missenes...

"miss..." What does this say, Blossom?

Misocynist?

"A hater of dogs."

What?

How can anyone be a hater of dogs?

[panting]

Of course!

Hackensack fired me 'cause she hates dogs.

Blossom, our mission is clear.

We have to go to Australia, track down Hackensack,

and change her mind about dogs,

so I can get my job back and keep my date with Charlene.

Yes, I know Australia is far away.

I guess you could call my plan "far fetched." Get it?

Fetched?

I... All right.

So... so you're coming, right?

Was that a "yes"? You'll do it?

Awesome! Our mission could be dangerous,

and all we have is... uh, five cents.

And... a moth.

But I, Ruff Ruffman, and my trusty assistant...

What? Oh, yeah.

Supervisor.

We solemnly swear that we shall not rest till FETCH!

is back on the air!

So, you been fired? Now maybe you can get a real job.

Grandma, hi.

And hey! FETCH! is a real job.

Look, there's a cat grooming show

that needs a fur sweeper-upper.

RUFF: I am not going to sweep up cat fur, Grandma.

I'm going to Australia to get my job back, and that's final.

Oh, I knew you'd say that.

That's why I just bought back

your FETCHcomputer thingy on the Internets.

You did? How?

Your brother Scruff is selling all your stuff online.

Oh, no. Someone just bought your pants.

[doorbell rings]

Grandma, you... You're the best!

Oh, how can I make it up to you?

Oh, you could parrot-sit Jerry Geranium

for a few days while I go to my spa.

Okay.

[squawks] Ruff's out of a job.

Have a good time, dears.

JERRY: Ruff should call his grandma more!

Not now, Jerry.

Chet, are you in there?

I'll bet he's coming up with a brilliant plan

for getting us to Australia.

"Green Machines: How to Convert Your Doghouse

"into an Environmentally Sustainable Vehicle

on the Cheap"!

Nice.

Let's see.

We could use wind power, solar energy, biodiesel?

"With the right engine, a car can run

on used cooking oil." Really?

Chet! You're back!

So, tell us what you found out.

Why is Scruff selling my stuff on the Internet?

Okay, you're getting out some old leftovers...

and you're gone.

Hey, uh, Chet?

You dropped a fried egg roll.

What?

You want it? It's kind of oily.

[gasps] Oil!

Kowloon Restaurant!

They have a couple of barrels of used oil in their back alley.

Chet, you're a genius!

We are going to Australia by harnessing the power of...

Chinese food!

♪

Good job, guys.

Not quite sure how it wound up looking like a chicken,

but good job.

All right, time to boogie.

So long, backyard. Hello, Australia.

[disco music plays]

Oops, wrong lever.

[Ruff laughing]

Yes!

Ocean, straight ahead.

Not now, Blossom. These are crucial moments.

We did it!

The first doghouse converted into a submarine-car.

What?

We didn't do the submarine/car combo?

We only did the car part?

Oh, but that means... Oh!

Chet! Quick, get something for the water!

Okay, now get something useful!

Pineapples?

[squawks] We're all doomed!

Yeah, thanks for staying positive, Jerry.

Don't worry, I'll think of something during the commercial.

Oh, we don't have any commercials?

Well, what are we going to do?

All we have is a bunch of pineapples.

RUFF [on TV]: Looks like Mike's thinking about the pineapple.

WILLIE [on TV]: Try it if you want to.

Blossom, is this really the time for watching television?

RUFF [on TV]: He's going with the pineapple.

Ooh, the FETCH! season two finale.

I remember that.

RUFF [on TV]: Oh, it's floating!

Oh, who would have thought pineapples float, right?

Wait a minute.

Pineapples float!

Chet, you're brilliant!

Quick, get a net.

You know, it just goes to show you it pays

to watch FETCH! with Ruff Ruffman,

'cause you never know when it'll save your life...

or at least salvage

your floating chicken doghouse boat thingy.

Anyway, now we can relax.

What? We forgot that auditions for season four are today?

, kids

are coming to Studio G?

Oh!

I better call my Audition Specialist.

Murray, hey.

Listen, are you ready to pick six new contestants?

I don't know how you do it,

but you are the best auditioner in town. I...

What do you mean, you're quitting?

You got a replacement?

t*nk? Who's t*nk?

Wait!

Oh, hi.

I'm assuming you're t*nk?

Oh, boy, Murray really picked a winner.

So, t*nk,

uh, out of town right now,

so, you're going to have to audition some kids.

Not many,

you know, somewhere around, uh, ,.

I need you to pick six to be our contestants this season.

You up for that, buddy?

Yes? No?

Anyone in there?

Okey-dokey, good luck, t*nk.

Oh, we're doomed.

[squawking]: We're doomed.

Ghost pirates!

No, Jerry, we're doomed because a bulldog

is running auditions at...Yar!

[shrieks]

Blackmuzzle, my pirate ancestor!

Aye, we're just outside, but now

with me Internet I don't have to be shouting from me ship.

Well, you're not gonna att*ck us, right?

I mean, my FETCHers lifted your curse

in season three, remember?

Aye, I'll be letting your chicken ship pass

with just one tiny condition.

I'll be wanting your parrot!

What?

Oh, you mean Jerry?

Hey, he's all yours.

Uh, but I'll tell you something,

he smears you in checkers.

JERRY [squawking]: King me, bubby!

That's fine.

Just so long as I can replace this frog

on me shoulder.Ribbit.

What is it, Blossom?

I made a promise to Grandma?

Uh, well, yeah, but, I mean...

Okay!

Sorry, Blackmuzzle, deal's off.

No parrot. What?!

I do have this spiffy FETCH! t-shirt I can offer.

att*ck!

Hey, don't you have anything better to do?

Hey, it's, it's boring out here at sea.

I'm awful lonely.

Wait, you said you have Internet?

Well, that means you could go to pbskidsgo.org

and check out my Web site.

Web site?

You've never been to my Web site?

Oh, it's got games, exclusive photos.

It's even got a blog by yours truly.

What be this "Germinator" and "Robot Rover"?

Oh, they're science games.

They're awesome, 'cause, you know, even a ghost pirate

needs to know a little science, right?

So, uh, have fun with that. I'm going to go

this way... So, uh, bye!

Whew! I think we lost him.

Oh, and, uh, Chet's made lunch.

So, uh, well done, Chet.

Mmm!

Oh, this is good fruit salad.

What? [squeaking]

Uh, Chet?

We're not eating our flotation device, are we?

Ah... man, yes, we are.

[shrieks] What's going on?

We're stuck in a whirlpool?!

Help!

So, t*nk, how are the auditions going?

Good, bad?

Oh, that's a good shake.

Listen, auditions are kind of really important.

You know that, right?

Uh, okay.

Anywhoo, we might be out of town

a little longer than expected.

Just keep auditioning those kids.

Now, guys, it could be worse.

Remember how the FETCHers' boat sunk back in season one?

But did they give up?

No, 'cause they were FETCHers.

So, Blossom, Chet, keep working on that signal fire.

If we put it on our Web site, maybe we'll get rescued!

Meanwhile, I'm pretty sure

a deserted island means lots of dessert.

[chuckles] So, I'll be right back with some pudding.

[panting] Great Scott!

That looks like a maximum security pound down there.

Wait a minute.

This isn't a deserted island after all.

[gasping] This is none other

than the most notorious canine lock-up in the world!

Poodle Island!

Hey, what's going on?

Thought you could escape us, eh, Scruff?

Hey, wait a minute, I'm not Scruff.

You have me mistaken for my identical twin brother.

You'll get years

for stealing the pants off of the famous Ruff Ruffman.

But wait, no-- Wait, did you say "famous?"

Come back!

[sad violin melody plays]

Wow, he actually kept pictures of both of us?

Oh... [sniffling]

Is that cute or what?

Oh.

Hey, wait a minute, what's this?

"I need to hit all the banks.

Hit the banks hard and win glory for the Ruffmans."

Oh, no!

I gotta stop my brother

before he gets himself in huge trouble.

But how?

I'm stuck in here for dog years.

Hey, I know you.[hollow tapping]

[ripping]

[gasps]

Scruff, you old dog!

I should've known!

No pound can keep you in.

[grunting]

Oh, this may take a while.

[slurping]

[panting]: You will never believe

what I've just been through.

But I was pretty resourceful, if I do say so

my... self?

Guess some of that Ruffman know-how has been rubbing off

on the two of you. All right, let's hoof it.

We need to get to Australia and get my job back ASAP,

'cause then we gotta find Scruff and stop him

from hitting all the banks, so, let's go!

[club disco music plays]Oops, wrong lever again!

[snoring]

Oh, yeah, uh, where are we?

Australia!

We made it! Whoo-hoo!

Here it is, Harriet Hackensack's hotel.

Hmm, but how am I going to get in

if there's no dogs allowed?

So, am I a cat or am I a cat?

No? Not a cat?

[lounge music playing]

Oh, yeah, cat music.

Good idea.

Okay, I'm feeling it now.

All right, definitely feeling it.

Look at me!

I can pounce just like a cat.

Meow.

I can lick the back of my paw just like a cat.

[gagging]: Oh, blech!

Now, watch this--

I'm going to leap onto that table

and stand in the middle of someone's lunch,

just like a real cat.

Alley-oop.

[yelling, crashing]

Blossom, we've got a flawless plan.

This article says she doesn't like dogs because of Rosebud.

Nobody knows what that means,

but I've brought a whole bouquet.

Butter her up, then reveal

I'm a dog and smooth talk my way

back into a job.

[in Australian accent]: Room service!

I wasn't expecting room service.

Nor were you expecting flowers from a d...

From a d... Just a moment.

Blossom, my zipper's stuck.

What's the meaning of this?

I'm calling the police!

No, wait!

Go to plan B, Blossom.

Plan B!

♪ We're a couple of cats from Kalamazoo ♪

♪ What am I singing? I don't have a clue. ♪

[scatting]

Send more personal guards immediately!

Ah, the door is locked!

[shrieking] We're trapped!

I don't know who the two of you are,

but what you just did was fantastic!

Oh, really? Oh, well...

I mean, after all, I am the star of a...

No, not you!

You! The quiet one.

You, pushy cat, I'm throwing you out!

Guards!

Well, Chet, this whole journey was a bust.

Not only am I stuck in a cat costume, but FETCH!

is gonna be cancelled and Charlene's gonna end up

with Spotnik at the Poodle Ball.

But the worst part

is that Blossom took a job with Hackensack.

Talk about betrayal!

The sooner she's forgotten, the better.

[sobbing] Blossom!

What are you doing here?

You took a job with Harriet just to get the inside scoop

on Harriet's "misocyny" so you can help me get my job back?

Oh, Blossom!

I knew you'd never abandon me.

Chet, see if you can find some tape.

Um, so...

Why is she a misocynist?

Why do I hate dogs?

When I was just a child,

Rosebud was a sled I loved more than anything.

One day a neighborhood dog ran off with it.

Since that day, I've detested all dogs.

Thanks to that sled-stealing canine, Murray.

Murray?!

No wonder he quit

when he heard we were meeting Hackensack.

He used to always pull an old sled around.

[gasping] And the name of that sled was Rosebud!

And Blossom, I've been storing it in the basement ever since!

This is perfect.

I just have to bring that old sled back to Harriet

and she'll love dogs again.

Okay, people, we're going down.

I forgot how much stuff is down here.

Oh, there's all my ranch dressing

cologne from season two. [gasps]

There's the Rosebud sled!

Yes!

Watch out, Chet!

Oh, you've activated the treadmill

from season two's exercise episode. Yikes!

And now you're on a runaway sushi train from season one!

The guacamole fetching droid from the time travel episode

of season one is about to fall!

Get out of the way!

Your guacamole.

Rosebud!

[sobbing]

All right, not going to panic.

I've got a sled repair catalog right here.

That's right, Uncle Ruff-- don't panic.

As the Elvin warlock Mordar would say,

"Oh da da block, in swi..."

Okay, Glen, what's your point?

I am busy here.

I have a solution to your Rosebud problem.

Wait a minute.

You have a really ugly cat in your doghouse.

That's me.

What's your solution?

I need you to be a live-action role player.

Oh, a LARPer again?

Like when you sent my FETCHers to Wing's Castle last season?

But this time,

I want you to be a wooser.

You want me to be a loser?

No, I want you to woos.You don't want me to win?

Not "lose," luge.Look, maybe when you get your braces off

I'll understand you better.

Forget my braces!

I'm talking about woosing.

Loosing?

Lugeing! Okay, you know what? Never mind.

Nephews...

got to love them.

Okay, I got to get a new sled.

Huh, let's see...

uh, toboggans, one-horse open sleighs,

the luge...

wait a minute, hold on.

The luge!

Glen wasn't talking about "losing," he was talking about "lugeing."

Obviously!

I have a luge right here,

and it's all yours if you enter and win

the World Luge Championship-- dressed as a troll.

Of course!

I could name your luge the Rosebud II

and dedicate my sledding win in the luge championships

to Harriet Hackensack.

Such a noble canine sledding act would heal her memories

of dogs and sleds.

And she'd give me my job back.

Glen, it's brilliant!

Well, I mean, it's a little far-fetched.

Nope, it's just Fetched...

with Ruff Ruffman.

[bagpipes playing]

[Scottish accent]: No, don't do it, laddie!

The Ruffmans must always stay away from the luge!

Uncle McRuffmantosh, what are you talking about?

, years ago in Scandinavia,

a Ruffman ancestor got in a fight

with a Norwegian ice fairy.

RUFF: A what?

And ever since, a Ruffman hasn't gotten on a sled

without a terrible accident.

Oh, come on, Uncle, that's just nonsense.

Nonsense? Nay.

'Tis a ,-year-old Ruffman curse,

and don't say I didn't warn you.

So Glen, can I borrow your luge?

Only if you dress up as a troll.

Oh, man.

[fanfare playing]

I know what you're thinking, Blossom--

I look better in my luge outfit than you.

But it's not about fashion; it's about aerodynamics.

Check out the new Luge Game

on the FETCH! Web site, and you'll see.

Ow!

Look, that's the mystery luger

known only as "Racer X."

Anyone who rides a luge

is called a slider, not a luger, got it?

Hey, uh, speaking of which...

uh, where are the brakes on the luge?

I can't seem to find them.

There are no brakes!

[evil laughter]

See you at the bottom, cat.

There aren't any brakes?

ANNOUNCER: All sliders line up for the World Luge Championships.

We're going to go miles an hour

and there aren't any brakes?

What kind of sport is this?

[screaming]

Blossom, look!

It's Racer X and his partner, Racer Y!

Hey, your partner is just a dummy.

Stay out of my way, cats, this is my race.

All right, that's it.

I'm not a cat--

I'm a dog stuck in a cat costume.

I'm none other than Ruff Ruffman--

reality game show host.

You're who?

[gasping]

Scruff, it's you!

What are you doing here,

and why'd you steal all my stuff?

I needed money

to pay for luge training

so I can reverse the ,- year-old Ruffman curse

put on us by a Norwegian ice fairy.

Oh, I didn't see that coming.

But what happened to hitting all the banks?

Hitting snow banks is good luge technique.

Oh, snow banks!

Well, look, I need to win this race

in order to get my job back.

Yeah? Well, I need to win to bring glory

to the Ruffman name,

and you're not going to steal that glory,

so get out of my way, brother.

RUFF: Nothing doing.

Blossom!

[yelling]

[screaming]

Come on, let's steer this thing to victory.

[cheering and applause]

Scruff, we won!

Uh...

actually, we came in last place.

Wait a minute, then why is the crowd cheering us?

Because we've still made dog history, brother--

the first all-canine luge team.

Yup, by coming in last place,

you're the biggest lugers in the world.

And by "lugers," this time, I mean...

Yeah, I know.

You mean "losers."

Thanks, Glen.

Too bad we couldn't win.

That was our last chance with Harriet.

[cell phone ringing]

Hello. Ms. Hackensack?

You're calling because you were so moved

by what Scruff and I did on the luge course with the Rosebud II?

Oh, great!

So can I have my job back, please?

What?!

Wait... didn't you fire me?

But what about the fax?

Huh.

Harriet says she never sent me a fax.

But it's signed "Ha Ha."

[gasping]

So the letter was a joke, after all!

Who would've guessed?

Huh.

And you know what that means?

It means FETCH! is still on the air!

Oh, that's too bad, Ruffy.

Oh, I did some sleuthing.

If you want your pants back, you just have to call Spot Spotnik.

He bought them.

Spotnik, of course.

He must've sent that fax to distract me,

and now he's Charlene's date tonight wearing my pants!

Wait a minute...

but what Spotnik doesn't know

is that those pants are so fancy,

they even have a remote-controlled

self-destruct mechanism.

COMPUTER: Pants destroyed.

Well, Blossom, Spot got his comeuppance,

the Ruffman luge curse has been broken,

and I got my show back

so life is good.

Maybe even one day I'll get out

of this stupid cat costume!

Oh, hey, t*nk.

Hey, nice work.

So these are the phone numbers, right?

[panting]

Well, we've got a show to do, so let's make some calls.

Chet, hand me my phone.

[phone ringing]

Hello.

Hi, Isaac. This is Ruff Ruffman.

Congratulations. you're going to be a new FETCHer

on season four of FETCH!

That is awesome!

[phone ringing]Hello.

Bethany? Great news! You're going to be

a new FETCHer on season four of FETCH!

Really?

[phone ringing]Hello.

Talia? Ruff Ruffman here.Hi.

You're going to be a new FETCHer

on season four of FETCH!

Thank you!

Hello.

Brian, you might want to sit down for this one, buddy.

You're going to be on FETCH!

That's awesome!

Hello, Liza.

You're going to be a new FETCHer on season four of FETCH!

Yes! That's awesome!

Sterling, how would you like to be a FETCHer?

Well, congratulations!

I got to tell my mom.

[cheering]



[Ruff scatting]

♪ FETCH! ♪

♪ With Ruff Ruffman! ♪

[Ruff scatting]

Oh, whatever.

♪ FETCH! ♪

♪ With Ruff Ruffman! ♪

♪ FETCH! ♪