02x14 - House of CatDog/CatDog Campers

Episode transcripts for the TV show "CatDog". Aired: April 4, 1998 - June 15, 2005.*
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Conjoined siblings -- one a dog, the other a cat -- deal with the unique challenges of their existence.
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02x14 - House of CatDog/CatDog Campers

Post by bunniefuu »

♪ One fine day, with a woof and a purr ♪

♪ A baby was born and it caused a little stir ♪

♪ No blue buzzard, no three-eyed frog ♪

♪ Just a feline, canine, little catdog ♪

♪ Catdog... ♪

♪ Catdog ♪

♪ Alone in the world was a little catdog. ♪

♪ Out on the road or back in town ♪

♪ All kind of critters putting catdog down ♪

♪ Got to rise above it, got to try to get along ♪

♪ Got to walk together, got to sing this song ♪

♪ Catdog... ♪

♪ Catdog ♪

♪ Alone in the world was a little catdog. ♪

♪ Catdog... ♪

♪ Catdog ♪

♪ Alone in the world was a little catdog. ♪





[ Cat sighs]

Cat: be it ever so humble

There's no place like home.

Breakfast time.

Incoming!

Outgoing!

Incoming!

Out...

Hiya, catdog.

...going.

Sorry, cat.

Oh, that's okay, dog.

That was yourfried egg.

[ Snickers]

[ Chomping noisily]

Mmm!

You are one handsome mayor, mr. Mayor.

[ Chuckles]

Both: who could that be?

[ Kissing]

Hi-ho, citizens.

I got good news and bad news.

The good news is we're putting in a new freeway

That goes right downtown.

All right!

I'll be able to get to the cat museum

In record time!

What's the bad news, mr. Mayor, sir?

Well, we're going to tear down your house

To put the freeway in.

[ Both gasp]

The bulldozer will be here in ten minutes.

You can't do that!

Tut-tut, not to worry, dog.

No one is tearing down our house.

It's a nearburgh historical landmark.

Dog: mm-hmm, that's right.

In case you didn't know

This is the site

Of an amazing historical moment.

Rancid: oh, yeah?

Cat: it happened right here in the year one million b.c.

[ File grinding]

[ Thud then crash]

Be it humble, no place like cave.

What you do?

Don't know.

Feel good.

Me want cave.

No get cave.

Me take cave.

Over dead body.

Okay.

Oh, pretty!

[ Groans]

[ Grunts]

[ Grunting]

[ Yelling]

Me like.

Me keep!

No, mekeep!

Mekeep!

No, me keep!

[ Sizzling]

[ Screams]

[ Bell ringing]

Okay... You keep.

[ Panting]

Cat: that's right, mr. Mayor, fire was discovered here.

Are you still going to tear our house down, hmm?

Yes.

What?!

Wait a minute.

What about the very "famoso" thing

That happened in ?

What happened?

What? What? What?

Dog: a bad evil king ruled the land, but revolution was in the air.

[ Crowd yelling]

[ Clears throat]

Give me liberty or give me death!

Well, maybe not death.

Tell you what

Make that give me liberty

Or a sprained ankle.

[ Crowd murmuring]

We all must affix our names

Upon this parchment

To declare ourselves free nearburghers.

[ Cannonball fires]

The farburghers are coming!

The farburghers are coming!

The farburghers are here!

[ Thud]

[ Horse whinnies]

In the name of me

I declare this house mine.

We're here to kick some ye old butt.

Hey, you stinking rebels

Show some respect.

Duh, or we'll huff and puff

And stuff your house

With three little bowls

Of the porridge thing.

You will never get this house, oh, stinky king!

Surrender your house or die, rebel swine.

Please, I prefer the term "pig."

Down with the king!

Long live the king!

Traitor!

What are ye-- nuts?

They're using real a*mo.

And besides...

I look better in red.

[ Chuckles]

Mr. Winslow's right.

Give them the house.

Never!

The time to sign is now!

Me first, me first!

Iwrote it-- I'm signing first.

[ Growling and yelling]

Cat: and so, the declaration of independence was signed.

You cannot touch this house, mr. Mayor.

Every kid in nearburgh knows that story.

True, true.

Oh, and don't forget

This house was a hotbed of hippie happenings

Back in the 's.

Oh, yeah, it was the place to be

In the summer of love.

Want to dance?

Groovy.

Groovy.

She meant me,man.

She meant us,man.

Mayor [ over bullhorn]: all right, you hippies.

It's the man, man.

Bummer.

Come out with your hands up.

No, you come in

And feel the love.

By order of the city of nearburgh

I'm confiscating this house.

The music's too loud

Your hair's too long

And you look weird.

Says you, one head.

You can't take our house, man.

It's like... Our pad, you know?

You have ten seconds to vacate

Or I send in

Like, my riot squad, you know?

Peace, brother.

We're going to take a pieceout of you.

Duh, the only good hippie

Is um... A hippo.

This is your last warning to leave the house.

Heck no, we won't go.

All: heck no, we won't go!

Heck no, we won't go!

Heck no, we won't go!

So, uh, what are you doing

After the protest?

I already invited her to the hunger strike.

Oh, mellow out.

No, youmellow out!

No, I think it's time

For you to mellow out!

[ Growling]

[ Crowd screaming in distance]

Excuse me, mate, which way to shea stadium?

Very impressive.

I guess a lot of historical stuff didhappen here.

See? You can't tear this house down.

Oh, yes, I can.

[ Giggles evilly]

You guys sound just like my mother.

Rancy, you can't tear this house down.

[ Screams]

[ Giggles evilly]

You sound just like grandma.

[ Giggles evilly]

Tear it down!

Oh, with pleasure.

I've dreamed about this day.

Duh, I dreamed

I was a fishy.

[ Sighs]: I can't believe it, dog.

It's over.

Oh, no, it is not!

They couldn't move our forefathers out of this house

And they're not going to move us!

Dog, we only had one fa...

What are you doing?

[ Bulldozer engine revs]

Oh, no! Give me that.

Keep your paws... Stop it!

Will you hand me the key?

[ Gulps]

Give me that key.

Oh, come here, come here.

[ Whining and groaning]

[ Horn signals]

Oh.

[ Horn signals]

[ Grunting]

Where do you think you're going?

Lunch break.

Union rules.

Duh, I could go for a onion roll.

[ Sighs heavily]

Phew!

[ Both yelp]

I'm going to bulldoze you to smithereens

And then I'm going to bulldoze

The smithereens to smithereens.

Good-bye, dog.

Good-bye, cat.

Both: good-bye, house.

I love you, man.

Leaping lumbago.

Is that what I think it is?

Cat: um, rotten old eggs on a window?

It's me, wonderful me in all my glory.

Nobody's touching this house.

It's a shrine--

Home of the miracle egg.

Yee-haw!

So we get to keep our house?

Forever.

And no freeway, right?

Let's not jump to hasty conclusions, shall we?

What's the deal, man?

It's just an egg.

Oh, looks just like my aunt selma.

Man, I wish I had some bacon.

Well, we saved our house

And everything worked out swell, right, cat?

Oh, yeah, just terrific!

Aw, look at the bright side, cat.

The bright side's blocked by an on ramp.

We can play the license plate game all day long.

I hate that game.

There's alaska, ohio...

So what?

Paducah...

That's not even a state!

Skinnyapolis...

[ Groans]

[ Sirens blaring]

[ All talking at once]

Rancid: settle down, settle down.

Put a sock in it, you noisy brats.

The forest fire boys' meeting will now come to order

If they know what's good for them.

Stand and recite the pledge.

All: we will be honest, kind and good

And make a lot of neat stuff out of balsa wood.

Blah, blah, blah

Blah, blah, blah, blah.

Remember, tomorrow we award

The forest fire boy of the year award.

[ All gasp]

The pride, the honor, the glory.

Gee, I wonder who'll win it this time.

[ Pounds mallet]: ahem!

May the best man or catdog win.

Meeting adjourned.

[ Murmuring]

We are a shoo-in, dog.

Yeah, all we need is our camping badge and we can't lose.

[ Gasps]

[ Owl hooting]

You know, dog, we deserve this award.

Yeah, look at

All the stuff we've done this year.

Best application of first aid.

Best potato carving.

Best use of lard.

And don't forget my favorite.

Ah, yes.

I can see it now

As if it was projected in front of me

Like a cheesy cartoon flashback.

[ Whimpering]

Cat: madame?

May we escort you

Across this busy thoroughfare?

Yah, yah, yah, giddy-up, giddy-up.

[ Tires squealing, car crashes]

Oh, by the way, ma'am

Have you tried forest fire boy pickles?

They come in four fantastic flavors.

Dog: chocolate, peanut butter

Mint majesty and tropical cappuccino.

Mmm!

One free sample.

Mmm! Mmm!

And how many boxes will that be?

I'll take them all.

You fellows sure know how to show an old lady a good time.

Most pickles sold while helping a senior citizen cross the street award.

Doggy-dog, we are

One camping trip away from greatness.

Greatness, here we come!

Shall we venture off into the wild wilderness?

Hi-ho, diggity!

[ Cat scatting]

This is the place.

We're going to camp in our yard?

Why not?

Outside, the stars above us;

A nice clean bathroom three steps away.

Break out the smores!

Smores, smores, smores!

Wait, wait, wait.

Dog: whoa!

First order of business:

Erect the tent.

First you get some poles

And you stick them in the ground.

Then you get a hammer

And you pound, pound, pound.

Stretch out the tent so there's lots of room

And that's how you camp by the light of the moon.

Hey, nice tent.

Is the circus in town?

[ Grumbles]

Oh, no, it's the bearded lady.

[ Snickers]

Get lost, winslow.

This is official forest fire boys' business.

No civilians.

Sorry, winsy.

We're going to win

The forest fire boy of the year award.

Yeah, sure, smokey

Right after youse win the bonehead of the year award.

Youse guys will last about ten minutes out here.

[ Snickers]

Perfectorama!

And now, smores.

Let's make smores, smores, smores!

Let's make more, more, more, more smores.

Let's make s'more smores!

Keep your collar on, dog.

First we got to build a fire.

I've got the matches.

I've got the wood.

Excellent.

We'll be using the log cabin technique.

Cat, why are you doing it like that, cat?

Because that's the way you win

The forest fire boy of the year award!

Our forest fire leader, uncle rancid, said

The teepee stack is better.

Look, like this.

Dog, we'll lose if we do it that way.

Hey, you wrecked my teepee.

Log cabin is better.

Teepee's better.

Log cabin.

Teepee!

Log...

Teep...

[ Growling]

[ Growling and yelling]

Okay, that's it.

I'll camp my way and you camp your way.

Fine with me!

[ Both groaning]

You stay on your side and I will stay on my side.

And may the best forest fire boy win.

Don't worry, I will.

I said the bestboy-- me!

Cat: you're not going to win

Making a smore without chocolate.

Well, neither are you

Without any graham crackers.

Say, who wants to hear a scary story?

[ In high voice]: I do, I do, I do.

Okay, rocky.

Well, once there was a big, scary, hungry bear

In the woods

Who liked to eat

Dogs!

I'm scared.

[ Chuckling]

Good.

That story reminds me

Of the big-eared psycho

Who escaped from nearby nearburgh prison.

[ Gasps]

They never found him, did they, cat?

[ Stammering]: n-n-no.

[ Wind blows]

Hold me.

[ Thunder]

[ Screams]

[ Screams]

[ Thunder cracks]

[ Dog and cat yelling]

Dog, we're slipping.

Help!

Does this mean we're not fighting anymore?

Fight's over.

We've got to think of a way out of this.

Help, somebody... Anybody!

[ Thunder cracks]

[ Screams]: it's the hungry bear!

[ Yelps]

No, no, it's the big-eared psycho.

What are you-- nuts?

Winslow!

Winslow!

Did you win your award yet?

[ Snickers]

What do you want?

Come on.

We're desperate.

Huh? Excuse me, I'm not really clear on what you're asking for.

I need your...

[ Stammering]

I need your help!

[ Snickers]

Oh, baby, that was sweet.

[ Dog and cat yelling]

[ Grunting]

Thanks for saving our life, winslow.

Yeah, thanks.

Now, get lost.

[ Grumbling]

Dog, i, uh...

[ Gulps]

I'm glad we're back together.

There is no one I would rather share a tent with.

[ All talking at once]

No one knows what happened last night, dog

So we'll still win.

Hey, cut out that whispering

Or I'll come back there

And give you what for.

And now the forest fire boy of the year award

Our highest honor

Given to the best, the brightest

Someone who faced a torrential storm with extreme bravery

Whose name

From this day forward

Shall stand for all that is great and glorious...

Winslow t. Oddfellow.

Ta-dah!

What?! He's not even a forest fire boy!

Our newest member, thanks to this anonymous letter

Describing his heroic achievements

Saving two poor pathetic souls.

Thanks, bunny

And I'd especially like to thank the two poor pathetic souls:

Catdog.

[ Snickers]

You know what I'd like to do

To the rat who wrote that letter?!

No, cat, what would you like to do to me?

Well, i...

You?

Dog!

[ Growling and yelping]

Wow! Now, that's what I call a knot.

Give me that

You little runt.

Hey!

I changed my mind-- here.

[ Cheering]

We did it, dog.

We're forest fire boy of the year.

What?

I said we...

What? I can't hear you.

Never mind.

Hmm?





♪ Catdog... ♪

♪ Catdog ♪

♪ Alone in the world was a little catdog. ♪

♪ Out on the road or back in town ♪

♪ All kind of critters putting catdog down ♪

♪ Got to rise above it, got to try to get along ♪

♪ Got to walk together, got to sing this song ♪

♪ Catdog... ♪

♪ Catdog ♪

♪ Alone in the world is a little catdog. ♪

♪ Catdog ♪

♪ Catdog... ♪
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