02x18 - Royal Dog/Springtime for CatDog

[bunniefuu]

♪ One fine day, with a woof and a purr ♪

♪ A baby was born and it caused a little stir ♪

♪ No blue buzzard, no three-eyed frog ♪

♪ Just a feline, canine, little catdog ♪

♪ Catdog... ♪

♪ Catdog ♪

♪ Alone in the world was a little catdog. ♪

♪ Out on the road or back in town ♪

♪ All kind of critters putting catdog down ♪

♪ Got to rise above it, got to try to get along ♪

♪ Got to walk together, got to sing this song ♪

♪ Catdog... ♪

♪ Catdog ♪

♪ Alone in the world was a little catdog. ♪

♪ Catdog... ♪

♪ Catdog ♪

♪ Alone in the world was a little catdog. ♪





Man: and that concludes our tour of the majestic hall of cats

Here at the nearburg museum of really old stuff.

Amazing...

Ah, it's like I'm always telling you

Cats have a rich and noble history.

Yeah, how come you never see any great paintings

Or stop to read thingy- dingies of dogs, cat?

Because there weren't any great dogs.

Guide: uh, not quite correct.

Follow me.

The painting this gentleman is restoring

Was done by the royal portrait artist

In the court of king rancid the portly.

Hi-ho-diggity! A royal portrait.

That must have been one great dog, cat.

Hmm... Well, if he was a great dog

Then you can bet that there was an even greater cat behind him.

Funny you should mention it.

It was back in the days of merry old england...

Dog: mmm, nummy, nummy, nummy

Nummy, nummy persimmonons!

If you must eat trash, at least wash it first.

I don't want to catch the plague again.

Righty-ho, cat.

Ugh, my luck to be born lower-class.

That's the kind of life we shouldbe living.

Look, cat, it's a parade!

No, it's not a parade.

It's king rancid and his royal hounds

Heading for a royal fox hunt.

Now, thatis what I call the good life.

[ Fanfare playing]

By order of the king-- that's me--

There will be an open call to join the royal hounds

Tomorrow at noon at my place-- you know, the palace.

That's it, dog.

You can become a royal hound!

Ooh, it's the garbage pickers!

I think I saw a piece of rotten meat

With a side of maggots out behind the palace.

[ Laughing]

Yeah, get it while it's moldy.

Yeah... Moldy.

Oh, they sure seem happy.

Well, of course they're happy.

A royal hound gets to live in the palace

Sleep till noon

With manicures and fresh mutton and cold kidney pies.

But I like our life, cat--

No pressure, plenty of garbage to eat.

Ah, that's it, dog!

You can become a royal hound!

Sure, you don't have any royal blood, but so what?

With the proper training

I can live the life I was meant to live.

What'd you say, cat?

Nobody said it was going to be easy.

All right, listen up, dog, I mean...

[ In hoity-toity voice]: listen up, dog.

To be a royal hound, you need two things:

To be royal and to be a hound.

So far, you're "o" for two.

Right!

I'm going to change all that

Thanks to my specially designed royal-hound-training-

Me-finally-living-in-the-lap- of-luxury obstacle course.

Right!

You start here, follow the course

And simply track down this pathetic creature.

Hey, watch the wisecracks and lighten up--

You're crumpling my ears.

Oh, hi, winslow.

After this, I'm going to need

A merry old therapist.

All right, now

You will be given a head start.

Now, go, man, go, go, go, go, go!

The things I do for farthings.

So, now I catch him, right?

No!

Tut, tut, tut

Not so fast.

You have to do it... Royally.

[ Chuckling]

Ready when you are, your royal trainer-ness, sir.

Cat: see, if you catch winslow

Without spilling a drop

You'll be worthy of being called a royal hound.

Tally-hi-ho-diggity!

Watch the tea, watch the tea!

[ Yells]

[ Panting]

[ Rumbling]

[ Screams]

[ Growling]

Okay, okay, you got me.

Huh?

Good work, dog.

Say, is that tea?

[ Slurping]

[ In affected voice]: to be more precise

It's a cup of steaming hot lapsang souchong

Suffused with the smoke-filled flavor of fire of tibet.

Good work, royal dog.

Really?

Oh, yeah...

We are ready!

Ooh... This is it, dog-- the palace!

Still feeling royal?

I guess so, but look at all these dogs.

[ Dogs warming up their voices]

Oh, don't worry about the competition.

This is what you've trained for.

This is my... Your big chance.

Right!

I thought I'd start with the pounce

Flow into the snarl and end with fox up a tree.

Ooh, I like it.

Or... Maybe I should go:

Snarl, pounce, then tree.

Um, they're also good.

And it'd be a shame not to show king rancid

My tearing-fox-to-shreds-while- embroidering-the-royal-crest.

Oh, save that for the encore.

[ Trumpets blowing fanfare]

Okay, get ready.

Here comes the king.

[ Fanfare finishes]

No, no.

Um, not you, no.

Won't do.

You neither.

[ Growling]

This one has real potential.

Report to the royal fox fields at dawn.

[ Yawns]

Now, take me to my royal chambers.

I feel a royal nap coming on.

[ Trumpets playing as losers grumble]

I don't believe it.

Cat: dog, we did it.

My expert training turned you

From a pound pooch to a royal hound.

Soon we'll be living the royal high life!

You see, it was all the cat's doing.

Behind every great dog

There's an even greater cat--

End of story.

No, it's not.

There's more to the story.

Ahh, it's the royal lifestyle

From here on in, dog.

Chase a couple of foxes in the morning

Spend the afternoon kicking back by the palace pool.

Where is everyone?

It's already a quarter after the royal cr*ck of dawn.

[ Horses neighing]

Ah, good morn to you, your royalness, sir.

So, when does the big hunt start?

Your newest and most highly trained royal hound

Is raring to go.

The big hunt starts right now!

You will be given a ten-minute head start.

Hmm, ten minutes? All right!

Ten, I'm... I'm not sure I understand, mate.

Didn't you get it, freak?

We ain't hunting foxes, we're hunting catdogs!

[ Others laughing]

[ Screaming]

Hey, better start running

If you knows what's good for you.

[ Yelling]

[ Panting]

Don't worry, dog, it obviously all turns out fine.

Why else would dog have his painting done

By the royal portrait artist?

[ Gasps]

Hey, cat, you're in it, too.

Isn't that neat?

[ Screams]

[ Sneezes]

Don't take it so hard, cat.

At least we're living in the royal palace.

Don't say another word.

[ Sighs]

It sure is a beautiful day, huh, cat?

Dog, days like this make me feel complete, you know?

Like there's absolutely nothing missing in my life.

Oh, mama!

Huh?!

What you said.

That is the most captivating creature

I've ever seen in my life.

And she's eating pork!

[ Sighs]

Apricot-glazed ham.

And listening to opera.

Oh, m-m-m... Mozart!

[ Yelling]

Howdy, boys, I was watching you from across the park.

I like your style.

Ham?

Thanks!

And you look like you might want to help me sing an aria.

"Aria" kidding me?

You read my mind.

Both: ♪ non piu andrai, farfallone amoroso♪

♪ Notte e giorno d'intorno girando♪

♪ Delle belle turbando il riposo♪

♪ Narcissetto adoncino d'amor.♪

Wow, what a melodious alto soprano!

Why, thank you.

Hey, who wants to play fetch?

Fetch! Fetch, fetch! Fetch!

[ Grunting]

Beauty, ham and a major-league arm.

[ Inhales and exhales deeply]

[ Dog panting, cat groaning]

[ Grunts]

Another perfect game of fetch.

[ Cat yelling]

Whoa!

Cat: where'd she go?

[ Bell ringing]

Clergyman: dearly beloved

I am so glad you're all here today

To participate in the joy between this cat and dog

And join them together--

Even though they're already joined together--

With their lovely bride.

And I know that you'll hope

Each and every one of them has a lovely time.

You may now kiss the bride.

Oh, no, I tasted cat! Dog lips! Dog lips!

Um... Nighty-night.

Mm-hmm, don't let the banana slugs bite.

[ Snoring]

[ Quietly]: okay, let's see...

Um, "roses are red

"Violets are blue

"My paws are sweating

So either I have tuberculosis or I'm in love... With you."

[ Chuckling]

[ Typing continues]

Uh... "We belong together like a spoon and a fork.

We both love fetch and we both love pork."

[ Chuckling]

[ Both clearing throats]

Oh!

Oh! My, yeah!

[ Yawning]

Oh, gosh, good night.

Sweet dreams.

Night!

[ Pretending to snore]

Yeah, I'm sleeping now.

Oh! Beautiful day.

Nice clouds, eh?

Sunny, brisk-- cute kids.

Where is she?

Hey, dog, um... How about a nice, uh...?

Dog: swing, swing

Swingy, swing, swing, swingy, swing...

Hi, mystery dream phantom lady girl.

What's your name?

Lorraine...

Lorraine des jardins.

Enchante.

She said "lorraine."

It is so great to meet

A fellow playground and pork aficionado.

By the way, I wrote you a poem.

Cat: me, too, me, too.

Why, you two are just too good to be true.

You double- crossing rat!

When did you write a poem?

Probably the same time you did

Eggs benedict arnold.

You're calling mea traitor?!

Lorraine's my dream woman.

How dare you come between us!

The only us here is me and her.

He wets the bed!

I told you that was a glass of lemonade!

It was lemonade, really.

He snores.

[ Gasps]

What?! That's a dirty lie!

It is not.

Boys! Boys!

[ Whistles]

Boys!

[ Yelling and punching]

So, choose up, lorraine.

Which one of us do you want?

[ Clearing throat]

Oh, I would never want to come between you two.

Right, right, right.

Look, lorraine, what it comes down to is

Are you a... Dog person

Or a cat person?

Oh, I can't...

I can't possibly choose.

Sure, you can!

Dog and I will each present

Our case, okay?

And then choosing will be as easy as pie.

Ta-dah!

[ Cat guffaws]

Very impressive.

[ Snorts]

Ah, lorraine, my little quiche

Choose me because cats are smarter.

Ha! Now that's ta-dah and a half!

[ Sputters]

Your sphinx stinks.

Hey, lorraine

Dogs are much more fun than cats.

[ Humming tune]

So, this termite walks into a bar

And he says

"Is the bar tender here?"

[ Snorting]

Get it-- is the "bar tender"?

[ Laughing]

It's very clever.

Lorraine, don't encourage him.

That didn't even make sense.

Now, if you want some fun

Try thison for size.

[ Singing nonsense words to "non piu andrai"]

♪ Et cetera... ♪

[ Continues singing]

♪ And here's where I give my heart ♪

♪ To sweet lorraine. ♪

Now, that's fun.

[ Laughing]: oh, great!

Forget all that stuff, lorraine.

The best thing about dogs is we are lovable.

I love cuddling.

Aww!

Oh, uh-huh...

Like cats aren't lovable?

[ Purring]

Talk about your massive lovability quotient.

[ Purring]

[ Whispers]: chicks love that.

Back off, cat, I'm working

The lovable side of the street here.

He pushed me-- "non-lovability"!

Tattletale!

I've forgotten more about being lovable

Than you'll ever know!

[ Both snarling]

[ Growling and punching]

Wait! Oh!

Lorraine!lorraine!

Dog: sorry.

Oh, I'm much sorrier.

So...

Have you made up your mind yet?

Oh, oh, cat, cat

We share a love of the finer things.

Yes, we do, yes, we do.

Does this mean I'm your guy?

And, dog, oh, you and I could wring

Every precious moment out of life.

Then let's wring-a-ding-ding, baby.

But...

Uh-oh.uh-oh.

You see, what's best about each of you

Is who you are together

And you obviously can't share me.

We can't?

Oh, catdog, dogcat

If only we'd met at another time

Or if I had two heads.

So... That's it?

You're leaving?

Farewell, catdog.

Perhaps we'll meet again.

She's gone.

No more glazed smoky ham.

No more arias.

No more lorraine!no more lorraine!

[ Both sigh]

[ Thunder cracks]

[ Wind howls]

Okay, I think I'm ready to move now.

Lorraine may be gone, but her sweet love will linger forever.

Yeah, she was an adorable, sensitive...

Two-timing traitor!

Hi, catdog.

Lorraine?!

What are you doing with that... That... Toucan?!

Oh, this is neil.

He's my new fellow.

But what about all that stuff about loving us so much?

Oh, I do love you both

But cats, dogs, catdogs-- it got too complicated.

Birds are just easier.

[ Wings flapping]

See you around, though.

[ Sighs]

Aw, who needs her.

Well, buddy, at least we've got each other.

Yeah, through thick and thin, we will always be pals.

That's right.

No one will ever, ever...

She's mine, I tell you!she's mine!

[ Yelling and punching]





♪ ...no blue buzzard, no three-eyed frog ♪

♪ Just a feline, canine, little catdog ♪

♪ Catdog... ♪

♪ Catdog ♪

♪ Alone in the world was a little catdog. ♪

♪ Out on the road or back in town ♪

♪ All kind of critters putting catdog down ♪

♪ Got to rise above it, got to try to get along ♪

♪ Got to walk together, got to sing this song ♪

♪ Catdog... ♪

♪ Catdog ♪

♪ Alone in the world was a little catdog. ♪

♪ Catdog ♪

♪ Catdog... ♪