02x19 - A Dog Ate My Homework/The End

Episode transcripts for the TV show "CatDog". Aired: April 4, 1998 - June 15, 2005.*
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Conjoined siblings -- one a dog, the other a cat -- deal with the unique challenges of their existence.
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02x19 - A Dog Ate My Homework/The End

Post by bunniefuu »

♪ One fine day, with a woof and a purr ♪

♪ A baby was born and it caused a little stir ♪

♪ No blue buzzard, no three-eyed frog ♪

♪ Just a feline, canine, little catdog ♪

♪ Catdog... ♪

♪ Catdog ♪

♪ Alone in the world was a little catdog. ♪

♪ Out on the road or back in town ♪

♪ All kind of critters putting catdog down ♪

♪ Got to rise above it, got to try to get along ♪

♪ Got to walk together, got to sing this song ♪

♪ Catdog... ♪

♪ Catdog ♪

♪ Alone in the world was a little catdog. ♪

♪ Catdog... ♪

♪ Catdog ♪

♪ Alone in the world was a little catdog. ♪





[ Munching noisily]

Where...?

I know I've got it around here somewhere.

Dog! Dog, have you seen my ice skates?

What are you eating?

I can't believe this.

[ Belches]

Found your skates!

Eww.

[ Door opens]

Catdog, you've got to help me!

What's the matter, dunglap?

I didn't finish my homework.

School starts in five minutes.

Mrs. Grock is going to k*ll me.

Oh, mrs. Grock!

Wasn't she the one with the ruler?

That's her-- but she uses a whip now!

I'd give anything to get out of this fix.

I smell genius!

[ Laughs insincerely]

Mr. D., Worry no more.

For the small fee of simoleons

All your problems will be solved.

Money-back guarantee.

[ Laughs maniacally]

You sure this will work?

Never you mind.

On your merry way, dunglap, my boy.

Toddle off to school and leave everything to me.

Ha! Dog!

I've had another one of my brilliant ideas!

Oh, boy.

Time to turn in your homework.

And you'd better have it...

Or else!

That darn cat-- ripped me off.

Bucks down the drain.

Dunglap, where's your homework?

Uh... Um...

Looks like someoneis going to be whipped...

And expelled.

[ All gasp]

It's, um...

Cat: hi-ho diggity!

[ Students gasp]

A dog ate my homework!

[ Steam whistle blows]

Now, that'san excuse!

How about I give you...?

[ Students cheering]

All right.

[ Phone ringing]

A dog ate it, inc.-- Hold, please.

[ Phones ringing]

Dog ate it, hablamos español.

Dog ate it.

[ Slurping]

I think he could eat that.

[ Laughs triumphantly]

Doggles, we hit the jackpot!

Man [ with french accent]: attention, students.

Time for the souffle special--

Excellent job on your homework.

A dog ate my homework!

[ Orchestra playing]

[ With german accent]: wunderbar!

You all did your homework.

[ Chuckling]

Good, good, good.

[ Blowing]

Aah!

[ Orchestra stops playing]

A dog ate my homework.

[ Others cheering]

Homework is now due.

A dog ate my homework!

Cat: dog, we're rich!

Look at this collection of franklins!

, , .

Mr. Franklin, you are one good-looking guy.

Cat...

What? What?

I was thinking:

Shouldn't people do their homework?

Not if they have a good excuse.

Oh!

[ Helicopter whirring above]

Did you hear that?

Area secured-- bring out the president.

[ Feedback whines]

Okay, here's the deal.

I didn't do my homework for this big state of the union speech

So I need your help.

All I've got so far is "four score and seven years ago."

What do you think?

It feels like it's been done before.

You didn't do your homework, mr. President?

Oh, it's those darn video games-- I'm hooked on them.

It will be an honor to help you, mr. President.

I'll pay you big bucks.

So what? Next year we cut back on the schools and hospitals.

[ Sniffing]

[ Sniffing]

See you tomorrow at the capitol.

Be on time, or you'll do time.

[ Helicopter whirring]

Dog, now we've really hit the jackpot.

Cat, I feel weird.

My paws are sweaty and my throat is dry

And I feel nauseous.

All right, fine, fine.

Let me see, uh...

[ Belches]

Ooh!

[ Laughing]: probably just too much homework

But you can't get sick now--

You've got my biggest job of the year coming up.

Man: this dog is %

A-okay.

Dog: but I feel so bad, doctor.

He said you're fine-- come on, let's go.

Doctor: of course, it could be a moral crisis.

Something bothering you?

Conscience troubles?

Uh... Now that you mention it...

Cat: thanks, dog, I'm late.

Too bad I have to go.

I have a date with the president.

Who doesn't?

Hello, world.

The commander in chief is about to make

His most important speech ever, and I love it.

Where is that mangy mutt?

Not here, sir.

And you have to go on.

Testing, testing.

[ Feedback whines]

One, two, three.

[ Blows]

Uh, four...

[ Laughs nervously]

Uh, five...

Six...

Seven...

♪ Mary had a little lamb... ♪

Eight...

Dog: are we doing a good thing, cat?

If people don't do their homework

How will they get smarterer?

Dog, dog, dog.

The world needs stupid people.

They're like society's glue.

You know, stupid glue.

President: , , ...

Crowd: speech, speech, speech!

All right, all right.

Four score and seven years ago...

[ Booing loudly]

We've already heard it!

Okay.

How about "five score and six years ago"?

[ Crowd boos angrily]

Well, then...

♪ Tea for two ♪

♪ And two for tea... ♪

[ Booing continues]

♪ Tea for two ♪

♪ And two for tea... ♪

This is the most embarrassing thing

I've ever seen a president do.

You're, uh... New here, right?

[ Gasps]

Catdog at two o'clock.

Cat: coming through! Excuse me! Make way!

Oh, thank goodness, now it's time for my speech.

Got it right here, see?

Cat, I don't think I can do this.

Well, then don't think, just eat.

No, I quit!

My homework-eating days are over.

Dog, dog!

Do it for the president.

Do it for the country!

Do it for the money.

No, no and no!

Come on, come on.

Come on!

[ Crowd shouting]

If you want something done right

You got to do it yourself.

[ Crash; crowd quiets]

[ Munching noisily, gagging, gulping]

Aah!

Oh, man.

A cat ate my homework.

[ Cricket chirping amid stillness]

A cat?!

That's no excuse!

Cats don't eat homework!

You're crazy!

[ Crowd jeering]

[ Loud kick]

[ Catdog screaming]

Can you believe that?

Hecheats, and we're the ones that get thrown out.

[ Kick]

What? What? Wha...?!

Ow!

Makes you proud to be a citizen.

Well, I hope you learned your lesson:

Cheaters never prosper.

Real good work, boys.

I was this close to achieving world peace.

Oh, well.

Back to clown school.

[ Laughing] [ crying]

Cat: ah... Space.

It's so... Spacious.

Ah, the peanut-- nuttiest of all nuts.

Quiet, dog!

Could you stop throwing those peanuts

All over the place?

I'm trying to admire some heavenly bodies.

Wow, you can see the beach with that thing?!

Let me look.

[ Clang]

[ Crash]

Hey, be careful

With winslow's new telescope

That I'm using without his permission.

Sorry.

Wowie caboodles!

I can see a star

And another star

And the big black cloud that looks like a skull

With scary teeth

And another star...

Give me that.

It must be a sign...

An omen.

Quick, we must consult

Nostradummy's big book of predictions.

Nostradummy made predictions

Thousands of years ago.

Nostradummy: I predict that mountains will fly

Trees will speak japanese

And a cat and dog will be joined as one.

Well, one out of every three

Of his predictions came true.

Konnichi wa, catdog-san.

Make that twoout of three.

All right, let's see-- "cartoons," "clampet"...

"Clouds," "clouds"!

"A black cloud in the shape of a skull with scary teeth

Means the rain to end all rains."

[ Teeth chattering]

Oh, no.

"One hour after the death cloud is sighted

"The sky shall open

And the waters of doom shall cover the earth."

Ooh, why does it have to be water?

Cat, cat, what are we going to do?

Find a really big umbrella?

No, we've got to warn everybody.

Throw another strike--

Come on, put some english on it.

Cliff, you're the best

You're the king!

You're the champ.

You got the form...

Silence!

I need total concentration

If I'm to win yet another league championship.

[ Bowling pins crashing]

Dog: everybody!

Huh?!

No one could pick up that spare!

The seven-ten split is an impossible sh*t.

[ Cheering]

[ Growling]

Catbutt!

The rain to end all rains is a-comin'.

No, really-- the end is near.

No-- the end is here

At least for youse two.

Oh, it's your fault

I'm stuck with an impossible seven-ten split.

No, look-- we're serious.

We saw a sign in the sky.

[ Bowling pins crashing]

And we read about it

In nostradummy's big book of predictions.

The world is a-coming to an end.

That's the stupidest thing I ever heard.

It's a bunch of baloney.

Lube!

What are you doing?

You'll blow the championship.

Don't!

Don't worry, cliff

I just making it all warmy for you.

Ducking.

Ducking.

Duh... Touchdown!

He picked up the seven-ten split!

Catdog's right-- it's a sign.

Duh... The end is near.

Leaping apocalypse!

I'm too young to die.

I'm too handsome to die.

[ Crowd screaming in panic]

Lube, don't panic.

He's not panicking--

He does that every wednesday night.

We only have minutes to live.

[ Whistles]

I have a plan.

We don't have much time, and we'll have to cooperate

But it just might be crazy enough to work.

[ All grunting and straining]

Come on.

Come on.

All right, dog, now me and you.

[ Grunting]

[ Loud crash]

[ Hammers pinging]

[ Saw slices, woman screams]

[ Whistle]

[ Creaking]

Aah!

[ Crash]

[ Thunder]

[ Screaming]

I'm afraid.

I'm moreafraid.

I wet my pants.

You win.

Keep working!

But, cat, sand is running out.

We'll never make it.

Get ahold of yourself, dog.

We're almost there.

Come on, work faster-- hurry!

Hi-ho diggity!

Cat was right.

Three cheers for cat!

All: hip, hip, hooray!

Hip, hip...

Stop, stop, stop.

We only have time for one cheer

But thanks for the thought.

Behold our ark!

Fellow nearburgians--

We're saved!

[ All cheering]

[ Shocked gasps]

We're doomed!

Oh, dog.

Dog, soon we'll be drowning like rats.

I wish winslow was here.

You miss him?

No, I'd like to see him drown like a rat.

Mervis, remember when your bike got busted

And you didn't know who did it?

It was me.

I'm sorry.

Ah, that's okay.

Remember when I "lost" your baseball glove?

I ate it.

I gots to tell you something, lube.

My real name ain't cliff, it's... Clifford.

Duh... My real name isn't lube.

It's... Uh.

Cliff: ignatius!

[ Laughs]

Psst!

Hey, dog.

We... We ain't got much time, so, uh...

Kind of, uh...

What the heck?

I love you!

[ Kissing loudly]

[ Moaning]

Um, shriek...

What do youwant

Tuna breath?

Well, uh, the end is near, so...

Shriek, i... Oh, what the heck...

I love you!

[ Kissing loudly]

[ Shriek squealing]

Okay, well...

At least I got that off my chest.

[ Thunder]

[ Horn honking]

Hey, what's the ruckus?

Cat saw the end of the world

Through your telescope.

I told you to stay away from that thing.

Winslow, we've only got five seconds left!

Yikes!

It's worse than I thought.

What could be worse than the end of the world?

[ Thunder]

This peanut shell almost scratched my telescope.

Three, two...

One, zero.

Did somebody say "peanut shell"?

Here's your "end of the world."

No waters of doom.

No destruction.

We're going to live.

Oh, happy day!

Everything is beautiful.

So, you broke my bike, you big liar.

Cough up the glove, pig.

♪ Ignatius, ignatius ♪

♪ Lube's name is ignatius! ♪

[ Guffaws]

♪ Lube's name is ignatius ♪

♪ Lube's name is... ♪

Hey!

I'm doing something wrong: thinking.

If you say one word

I'll pound you from here to tomorrow.

And as for you, loverboy...

What? I was just kidding.

It was a joke.

I was just trying to lighten the mood.

Come on, wait, no!

[ Fighting and yelling]

Cat?

Cat?

What?

Did nostradummy say

Anything about a giant cloud

Shaped like an elephant riding a unicycle?

[ Evil laughter]





♪ No blue buzzard, no three-eyed frog ♪

♪ Just a feline, canine, little catdog ♪

♪ Catdog... ♪

♪ Catdog ♪

♪ Alone in the world with a little catdog. ♪

♪ Out on the road or back in town ♪

♪ All kind of critters putting catdog down ♪

♪ Got to rise above it, got to try to get along ♪

♪ Got to walk together, got to sing this song ♪

♪ Catdog... ♪

♪ Catdog ♪

♪ Alone in the world with a little catdog. ♪

♪ Catdog ♪

♪ Catdog... ♪
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