02x17 - Yearbook/Career Week

[bunniefuu]

In a middle school full of bullies,

Insane teachers,

And gross school lunches,

Ned bigby--that's me-- and my best friends

Try to do the impossible--

Create a guide that will help you survive school.

[School bell rings]

♪ Joining up, looking out

♪ I'll survive it, no doubt ♪

♪ Never fear, bring it on ♪

♪ Break it down, what's in my way? ♪

♪ Ain't it nice

♪ Finding my place in this world? ♪

♪ And i...

"Ned's declassified school survival guide."

The school yearbook.

And here are some tips

On how to get the most out of this bestseller.

It's weird paying for a book that you won't get for weeks.

But do it.

There might be extras when they arrive,

But you risk missing out.

The yearbook photographer can't get everyone.

So submit your own fun photos to the yearbook staff.

Then there's the prestigious yearbook "best of" awards--

Things like...

Now, I've never won one, but if you do,

You secure your place in middle-school history.

Hey, ned, did anyone ever tell you

You have a great smile?

I'm totally voting for you for "nicest smile" on friday.

I got to win nicest smile.



You're freaking me out.

Look. Suzie won "nicest smile" last year,

And she's a lock to win it again this year.

So all I have to do is win this year,

And we'll be bonded together

On the pages of a book forever.

You're trying to win "nicest smile"

So you can be with suzie in a book?

Forever in a book. Huh?

Huh?

I'm taking my own fun photos for the yearbook.

Now pretend I'm making you laugh.

No-- no--

Do it now!

Now you have to vote for me for "nicest smile" on friday.

Deal. Deal.

I just can't wait till suzie opens her yearbook

And sees me and her together for "nicest smile."

And?

I don't know, but it will be great.

You've got a great smile,

But you're going too big.

Go softer, like this.

You mean, like this?

No, no. It's warmer. Like this.

Got it.

Check this out.

It's the model for the new yearbook.

It's a little different than last year's.

And by "different," I mean barfy.

I just found out the school cut

The budget for the yearbook,

So this is all we can afford.

Mosley, we just heard

The yearbook this year is going to reek,

And if it does, we want our money back.

It's going to be great. Don't worry.

I have a solution.

You better. Huh!

What's my solution?

Think different. Corporations pay millions

To put their names on stadiums.

People are even selling their foreheads to advertisers.

What idiot would do that?

Check it out. Bubba's pork shack

Is paying us for advertising.

Bubba's...

Pork...

Shack!

[Oinking]

Oh, and jennifer, I just wanted to say...

If you need anything, anything, I'm here for you.

And I'll make them here for you, too.

Ok. But right now, I've got to sell, sell, sell.

This is going to be the greatest yearbook ever!

I hope.

Ah!

Aah!

Ah, nice smile, ned. You got my vote.

Nothing is going to stop me from being next to suzie

In the yearbook by winning "nicest smile."

Ned bigby...dude with the guide thing.

Jack goldman, dude who crushed moze's heart.

Yeah, I know. I was a jerk.

But I really like jennifer, for real,

And I want to make it up to her by asking her out.

Well, too bad,

Because she's going out with someone right now

And not available.

I heard she broke up with that puffy-haired blond guy.

Yeah, but she's going out with someone new.

Right, and it's...ned.

Yeah.

They're totally into each other.

So I guess you've got to back off.

Really? We'll see about that.

What? We had to do something.

Moze will totally fall for him again,

And he'll hurt her again.

Got to protect her.

How am I supposed to win "nicest smile"

And fake go out with moze?

Easy. When you're in a big crowd,

Make sure they see you smile,

And when you see jack near moze,

Pretend you love her.

It's simple.

Bye.

You're not smiling.

Hello. Computer max?

How would you like a unique advertising opportunity

To help support the james k. Polk middle school yearbook?

Great.

So...are there any more questions?

What is it about your class that makes me smile?

Is it me? He just makes me smile.

I just can't stop smiling.

Very good, mr. Weirdo.

[School bell rings]

Hey.

Hey, everybody, I just got my teeth whitened.

What do you think of my new smile?

[Applause]

There goes "nicest smile." You got a plan "b"?

Of course. Suzie will probably win "nicest hair" again.

So all I have to do is make my hair nice hair,

And I win "nicest hair."

Do my hands feel cold to you?

Ooh... Ooh... Ooh...

Ok, they're warmer now.

Right there, boys.

This hallway is now sponsored by compu-max,

And we can afford color.

And if I'm going to win "nicest hair,"

I'm going to need mousse.

Right. A lot of mousse.

[School bell rings]

Ned, your hair looks great today.

Yours, too. Wouldn't that be wild

If we both won "nicest hair"?

Well, you've got my vote.

And isn't that funny, how another name for a rabbit

Is "hare"?

I guess.

Oh, ned, don't mix those.

And if it were the friendliest rabbit,

It would also be considered the "nicest hare."

No!

Well, gentlemen, if cbc global net

Wants a new way to market cell phones,

You came to the right place.

It's been a pleasure.

What happened?

I lost my bid for "nicest hair."

That's what happened.

I'm upset. Hold me.

[Camera clicks]

Weirdo.

These are great, cookie.

I'll try and fit one in.

One? But I want more than one.

I want the yearbook filled with cookie.

Well...

If you're on a team or in a club,

You'll get those pictures in the yearbook.

But I'm not in a club or on a team.

Or am i?

The "best of" voting is today.

It's my last chance to get in the yearbook with suzie.

She's a lock to win "most spirited,"

And so am i.

Whoo!

A slight problem.

No slight problem.

Wolfie is the polk mascot.

He farts spirit.

I sold our mascot rights.

[Cheering and applause]

Meet the xrt- media phone.

Named him globie for short.

But now the yearbook's going to have hard covers.

Go, globie! Go, globie!

Go, globie!

Wolfie's got times more spirit than globie.

You want a piece of this, globie?

Ned, no. Wait. No.

Ned, you don't understand. Stop.

Aah! Uh! Uh! Uh!

Oh!

Oh, yeah! Ho ho!

Ha ha!

Loomer is in the globie costume, isn't he?

Wah! Wah!

Easy. Oh!

There goes my last sh*t at winning a "best of" award.

Hey, you could still win something.

Maybe "most likely to be b*at up by a phone."

Ah, that's so sweet.

Hug now.

Ok, I believe you.

I'll back off.

I think it's clear to me and everyone else

That you guys are very happy together.

What was that all about?

Don't know. Don't know.

The new yearbook's are in!

And they're beautiful! And they're free!

Aah!

Mosley, great job.

Wow!

I'll cherish these fake memories forever.

Simon, I want to talk to you

About the choir photo because...

You are not in the choir!

Aah! Or the cheerleading squad!

Aah! Or the math club!

Oh, I'd love to talk, but I just remembered,

I have to run!

Nicest smile--

Suzie crabgrass and seth powers.

Nicest hair-- suzie crabgrass

And kid who's not me.

Most spirited--

Suzie and...globie.

Oh, yeah!

Ooh! Globie! Yeah!

Oh, yeah! Ho ho!

I didn't win anything.

Yeah, you did. Turn the page.

"Class couple--

Ned bigby and jennifer mosley."

What?!

Congrats, guys, but I didn't even know you were going out.

Thanks for telling me.

But--but--the smile.

I didn't even know we were going out!

I want to break up.

Fine.

Aah!

One last thing--

How were you able to give away all these

James k. Polk middle school yearbooks for free?

Easy.

As you know, today is career day.

Now, this will give you a chance to explore various job workshops

And see what kind of future career you might like.

Now, these are the results of the career quiz

That we took last week.

Now remember, these are suggestions

Based on what you stated your interests and talents were

And how you answered the personality test.

I'm going to be an anchorman.

It says I'm going to be a pro wrestler.

Again, these are only suggestions.

"Software design, computer programmer...

Sports agent."

"Cabinetmaker, architect, math teacher."

Teacher? Ouch.

I want my career to be as far away

From this place as possible.

The last thing I want

Is a job that's school-related.

"Teacher? Guidance counselor?

Vice principal?"

No!

This may take a while.

No!

No!

[Gagging]

Relax. They're just career suggestions

Generated by a computer.

I mean, come on. Cookie, a sports agent?

Mega sports agent.

And computers are never wrong.

[Cell phone rings]

Can't talk now. I'm with a client.

Tell them no deal. No deal!

That your mom?

I think so.

Moze, I'm looking for my first client,

And since you're polk's top athlete,

I'm taking you on.

Just sign this lifetime contract.

Yeah. No.

I'm going to take the architecture workshop.

It's the perfect combination of math and wood.

[Cell phone rings]

Got to take this one. We'll talk later.

Talk to me.

[Garbled shouting]

Sorry, mom, but I'm a sports agent.

I have got to find a career fast.

I do not want to end up like--

Bigby! There's my future vice principal.

I was shocked when the job quiz

Pegged you for a career in education.

But computers don't lie.

Yeah.

I might check out my other options.

Face it--someday this helmet will be yours.

Ha ha ha ha.

And check out my "careers in education"

Workshop next period. Seats are filling fast.

Ha ha.

He's like a mini me.

I told gordy to clean that up.

Don't touch it. It's evidence.

Gordy!

Trust me, moze is the best.

Mom again?

The volleyball coach from u.s.c.

I've got scouts coming to look at you at :...

Sports star. Ha ha.

Me, a sports star?

Cookie, I love sports, but at :,

I'm going to be at the architecture workshop.

Forget architecture. Come on.

Let's check out sports careers.

What do you got to lose,

Except getting us rich off our millions of dollars?

Please!

Ok... But only because

You said "millions of dollars."

Hollywood stuntman.

Now, that's an exciting career.

Welcome to the exciting world of being a stuntman.

[Crash]

Then again, maybe not.

Bigby, you made it.

You're lucky there's still a seat available.

I don't really think I'm cut out for a career in education.

I'm looking for something exciting and not school-related.

Oh. You want exciting?

Now, we're working on the case

Of the lazy janitor who won't clean up

The fruit punch, and we will find gordy.

Let's roll.

Wait until you make your first bust

As little v.p., Ned. You'll be hooked.

Nice. You want to split up. Smart.

I've got another workshop in - minutes.

Meet me there, and we'll talk salary and benefits.

I'll really try not to make it.

Great!

I am here to talk sports careers.

Xavier? But you're a math teacher.

Now, but in old country, I won bronze medals

For luge and greco-roman wrestling.

But isn't it next to impossible

To make it in sports careers?

Yes, but with blood and sweat and tears, but mostly blood,

You could end up like me--

On cereal box.

A good agent helps, too.

Then what do you say to a full-ride

-Year college volleyball scholarship?

I'm talking about cereal box covers

And a sports drink endorsement.

Ah, what the heck.

But check out other workshops.

If sports career doesn't work out,

You want fallback career.

I speak for moze now, and she says no.

Got to go.

So, would you say wrestling is a better career

Than, say, teaching or something school-related?

Raah!

Braah!

"Raah...braah."

So you would agree. Me, too.

Think I found my career.

Ha ha!

Uh! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!

Oh!

Oh...

You're late.

Now, we've got a lot to talk about

If you're serious about a career in education.

[Sniff sniff]

Do you smell that? It smells like janitor.

Gordy's near.

Right. We'll split up again.

But if we don't find him,

Meet me outside at

For some recon.

Recon. Ha ha.

You got my face on a cereal box?

A super agent always follows through on his promises.

I whipped it up in computer graphics workshop.

Oh! Moze flakes are good!

"The breakfast of moze."

Hello. Friend with a crisis still here.

Look. There are still plenty of good workshops

You can still take--

Finance, architecture, firefighting.

You're right. I'll be a fireman!

Raah!

Aah!

Bigby, you made it.

Nice disguise. Fireman.

Of course.

This is called a "stakeout."

Gordy likes to skip work to get some "good coffee."

So we'll wait until he falls into our trap,

And then we'll make him clean up the punch.

Isn't career day exciting?

No! I'm done with the whole thing!

I'm done, I tell you!

Great. We'll meet up later.

Announcer: you work hard, you play hard,

And you're a winner,

And that's why your sports drink is orange gush.

Moze: did we have to go with the big water sh*t?

[Sighs]

It wouldn't be a sports drink commercial

Without it, now would it?

Simon, you are really talented.

You should seriously consider a career

In tv effects and editing.

Sorry. I'm a super agent,

And we better hurry.

The scouts are waiting for your tryout.

Can't I at least dry off?

No. Super sports agents are never late.

Ooh!

[Thud]

Nice going, super agent.

I'm looking for a -year full ride

With private locker room and sneaker deal.

But--but--but--but--

But, of course, it's all negotiable.

I'm willing to talk partial tuition

And a free pair of sneakers.

Ooh! But--stop. Please. Oh!

Man. The sports world can be harsh.

Hmm. And even harsher when you get older

And injuries get worse,

But luckily I had math to fall back on.

Ha ha ha. Fall.

And I'll have architecture,

Because I still have time to hobble to the workshop.

Good luck finding yourself another superstar client.

Oh...

[Cell phone rings]

Talk to me.

[Garbled shouting]

But, mom, I'm having a bad day.

♪ Crubbs is an idiot

♪ Idiot and--

Hey, what are you doing?

Hiding from crubbs.

Really? Me, too.

Hey, how's career day going?

I don't know what I want to do.

I'm a career-day loser.

You're not a loser.

You're in seventh grade.

You have all the time in the world

To figure out what you want to do.

Now, in the meantime, let's just

Hang out here, relax, and avoid--

Raah! Uh!

Stuntmen! Stuntmen!

Bigby!

You found gordy! You're a natural!

And you, get a mop, clean up the punch,

Or you're fired.

All right. Why not?

But I don't want to be a vice principal.

Uh! Well, that's just another thing

We have in common, ned.

You didn't want to be a vice principal

When you were a kid?

Neddie. When I was a kid,

I wanted to be a vice cop in miami,

And I made it.

What happened?

I guess I wanted it to be more like it is on tv,

But at that level, you can't help the bad guys.

You can only put them away.

So I became vice principal, because here I can help kids

Before they get to a bad place.

And I still have the word "vice" in my title.

That actually sounds pretty cool.

I can't think of any job greater

Than helping kids learn and grow

And become better adults.

Crubbs, out.

Career day--

It's a time to sample different occupations.

So make sure you check out all the career booths.

If you find one you really like, subscribe to magazines

Or link to web sites to keep you informed.

How would you like to make millions of dollars?

Raah!

[Cookie screaming]

And if you don't know what you want to be,

Don't sweat it.

But you may be surprised what interests you.

Ok. Are there any questions

Before we get started?

[Cookie screaming]

Here...which way

To the "careers in computers" workshop?

[Thud]

Moze flakes are good!

Hello.

There are still plenty of good workshops you can take.

Firefighting.

Ha ha ha!

Firefighting.

Firefighting.

Ha ha!

There's still plenty of good workshops--

Firefighting.

Firefighting.

Right. I'll be a fireman. Ha ha!