02x18 - Music Class/Class Clown

[bunniefuu]

In a middle school full of bullies,

Insane teachers,

And gross school lunches,

Ned bigby--that's me-- and my best friends

Try to do the impossible--

Create a guide that will help you survive school.

♪ Joining up, looking out

♪ I'll survive it, no doubt ♪

♪ Never fear, bring it on ♪

♪ Break it down, what's in my way? ♪

♪ Ain't it nice

♪ Finding my place in this world? ♪

♪ And i...

"Ned's declassified school survival guide."

He's the best guitar player ever!

He totally rocks!

I totally love him!

[Audience cheering]

Ned...this is music instruction,

Not rock-and-roll fantasy class, ok?

Class, let's begin practicing our scales, shall we?

[Instruments playing scales]

That's it. Thank you.



Mr. Gibson, I don't want to play these scales anymore.

I want to be a rock star.

If you master the scales,

Then you'll be able to play anything.

Being a rock star-- not all it's cracked up to be.

Um, being a rock star is great.

Girls love rock stars.

You're famous. You're rich.

Did I mention the girls?

Did I mention practice? Scales.

[Drums playing loudly]

[Drums stop playing]

Simon, the computer is not a musical instrument.

I know. It's better.

It plays all the instruments.

[Instruments playing]

To pass this class, you have to learn

How to play a real instrument.

[Squeaking]

Isn't that better?

If you're hating music instruction,

Just transfer into music appreciation with me.

We sit, listen to boring music, and nap.

Sounds better than practicing

Boring, endless scales.

I want to be a rock star, not a loser.

At least you guys can play an instrument.

If I don't learn to play this thing,

I'm going to flunk.

[Squeaking]

Don't get frustrated.

Everybody can play the recorder.

I'll show you.

[Crash]

Isn't that better?

[School bell rings]

[Snoring]

[Classical music playing]

Today, we delve into the symphonic wonder

That is mozart.

The only wonder is

How mozart stayed awake writing this stuff.

[Music stops]

Miss mosley, do you have a comment

You would like to share with the rest of the class?

Uh...i was just saying

How mozart's music transcends sound

And encapsulates his era.

Uh-huh. You said the same thing last week about beethoven.

I'm getting the feeling that you all think

This class is naptime with a soundtrack!

No! No! No! No!

No. We love science.

Hmm-mm-mm! No more!

Now...

I want you to listen to the music

Until you can't stop humming it,

Until you know the joy and happiness it possesses.

I want you to let the music in

So you can let it out.

[Crickets chirping]

Do it, or I'll fail all of you.

Oh. Oh.

This is trl with number-one rock star,

Ned bigby, performing his number-one rocking song,

"I just want to rock."

[Cheering]

So, what do you have to say

To all these rocking fans that totally rock?

I say...let's rock!

[Playing scales]

[Audience booing]

I want to rock,

Like the foo fighters, incubus, or everclear.

Never heard of them.

I want to play an electric guitar.

I don't want to be a... ♪ Loser

So...cheap hotels,

Waking up with tattoos

That you don't even remember getting--

That makes you a winner?

Right, because you know all about the rock-and-roll life.

That's why I gave it up.

[Twang]

Scales.

[Playing scales]

[Playing melody]

Sounds like someone's been practicing.

Thanks, mr. Gibson.

[Melody continues]

Simon.

[Melody continues]

[Melody stops]

I can't play it.

I'm not lazy or goofing.

The truth is, I stink.

Simon, you've been relying on your computer for too long.

Now, you can do this. Try it.

[Squeaking]

Here. Here, let me show you.

[Crash]

Let's try something different, ok?

[Classical music playing]

[Snoring]

[Loud banging]

So...what do you think of my new instrument?

Which is very heavy.

Whoa. I must have slept through second period.

And third and fourth and lunch and...

What?

[Loud banging]

I've got to get these headphones off.

[Music continues]

This is not good.

[Playing scales]

[Coins rattle]

Stay in school.

That's it!

I'm quitting music instruction.

What? Why? You're really improving.

And really bored. So I'd rather be

A bored loser in music appreciation,

Where at least I can catch up on my sleep.

Ned, practice is boring, but it's how you learn.

But I want to be a rock star,

Not a scales expert.

Trust me. If you want to be a rock star,

I know what's best.

What's it going to take to convince you?

Nothing. Sorry, mr. Gibson.

[Whistle blows]

You stink today.

Mozart is stuck in my head.

It's like some kind of mind control.

Quick, I need to listen to some real music.

No. Wait. But I'm listening to...

[Classical music playing]

Mozart.

I kind of like it.

You're becoming one of them--

A music appreciator.

I can't get the music out of my head,

And now I stink at volleyball.

Good! Don't fight it.

When I think of mozart,

I think of "moze" and I think of "art"--

Mozart!

That is the beauty of mozart.

It connects and sticks to your soul.

Watch.

♪ I am happy

I am sad. Oh...

I am being chased.

Ooh, look out behind me.

Ah, now I am running through a field of lilies.

And now I have won the battle.

Interesting.

Now, since you say the music is stuck in your head,

All you have to do is find your volleyball song

And let the music out.

I'm going to run through the lilies again.

Oh...ooh...

[Loud drumming]

Hey, I can play an instrument that's not a computer.

It's really heavy, though.

Oh, dear.

You might want to try a lighter instrument, simon.

I agree. Can we pick it now?

Not right now.

I need to teach a very stubborn student

An important lesson.

If it's ned, you've really

Got to drive it home.

Trust me. I know.

Gotcha.

Here you go, ned--

A transfer slip to music appreciation.

But may I ask, why did you decide to transfer?

Let's just say mr. Gibson

Wasn't teaching me what I needed.

[Loud rock music playing]

♪ I don't want to be a loser, no ♪

♪ I don't want to be an almost-was ♪

♪ That's why I want to be a rock star ♪

♪ And be like all those guys on the mtv ♪

♪ Yeah, I just want to be a rock star ♪

♪ I want to make those girls on "the real world" ♪

♪ Fantasize about me

♪ I just want to be a rock star ♪

♪ I want to be the king, I want to be on top ♪

♪ Yeah, I just want to be a rock star ♪

♪ Yeah, I just want to be famous ♪

♪ Everybody everywhere wants to be famous ♪

♪ And everybody everywhere wishes they could tell ♪

♪ Everybody everywhere to go to-- ♪

♪ Yeah

All right. I get it. You know best.

Ned, if you want to learn how to do this...

[Playing riff]

You've got to learn how to do this...

[Playing scales]

First.

So...see you in class tomorrow?

Hey.

So, what did we learn in music class today?

You've got to be really solid on the basics

Before you can rock.

Practice stinks, but it's what will make you great.

[Playing scales]

Be open to new types of music.

You might find you like them,

Even if it takes a little while longer than you'd like.

Find your song. Find the volleyball song.

Come on. Ok. No. No lilies.

[Classical music playing]

[Buzzer]

That worked.

And remember, there's a musical instrument for everyone.

So just keep trying until you find the right fit.

I love it! And it's so light.

[Ding]

[Playing scales]

So, still want to be a rock star?

Yeah... But when I'm ready.

I think you're ready.

, ...

[Playing theme song]

[Ding]

Class clown--school distraction or jester of justice?

No matter what they are, they make us laugh.

So remember, if you're going to clown around,

Cafeteria good.

I'm vice principal butts. You're fired.

No, you're fired.

Around the vice principal... Bad.

Beware, because the seat next to the class clown

Is entertaining, but it can also be dangerous.

Todd and ned, stop laughing!

Or you two are going down to the office.

That's not the only thing going down.

[Laughter]

Yes, life is funny

When the school has a great class clown.

Hey! I'm moving to cleveland.

[Laughter stops]

I can't believe todd's leaving.

I never thought he was that funny.

Uh! Uh!

So we don't have a class clown.

What's the worst that could happen?

[Thunder]

Wow. The school's taking todd leaving pretty hard.

That's not all. According to this...

Todd wasted an average of minutes per class

With his antics.

Yeah. So?

So, without a class clown,

Over the course of the next years,

We'll have more months of school!

That's not good. But come on.

It's not like the teachers

Are going to start giving more quizzes.

Good news! With todd gone,

I'll have extra time to give more quizzes.

Ha ha ha ha!

We got to find a new class clown.

Right. Go get 'em, laughing boy.

Me? Really?

You think I'm funny?

Do you think I'm--

That's hilarious!

Go!

Quiz time on the periodic table.

Periodic tables?

We should get rid of those

And put in some pool tables, huh?

Oh, yeah. Ha ha.

[Crickets chirping]

What about that study hall?

I mean, we don't study in the hall.

We should call it study room.

I mean, what's with those...

And that...

Let's just take the quiz.

[Microphone feedback]

Man, your voice stunk worse

Than a skunk at a poop rally.

Hey, I might have found a class clown

That's not you. It's--

Simon nelson cook and his laughmaster .

[Recorded laughter]

I heard you bombed,

And sound effects make everything funny.

Observe--the laugh track.

Say something funny.

Something funny.

[Recorded laughter]

This is the most ridiculous invention yet.

[Recorded laughter]

But it does make everything kind of funny.

Now if you'll excuse me,

I have to begin my reign as class clown.

Ok, class,

Let's begin today's lecture.

[Recorded groans]

[Laughter]

[Recorded slide whistle]

[Recorded burp]

[Laughter]

All right! Whoever's doing that,

Stop it right now.

[Recorded ripping sound]

[Laughter]

[Recorded scream]

One day detention, no more clowning around,

And no more laughmaster.

[Recorded laughter]

But it does make everything sound funny.

I never knew being the class clown

Could be so dangerous.

Oh, but necessary.

The class clown isn't just someone who goofs off.

He's the exposer of hypocrisy.

He's the kid who challenges the status quo

By stuffing bananas up his nose!

And he prevents this.

So...you were the class clown?

Uh-huh. I was also teachers' torment

And voted "most likely to amount to nothing."

And once a class clown,

Always a class clown, right?

I don't know what you're talking about.

But if you have a plan, count me in.

Now, who can tell me how old the earth is?

Tell him, "a couple of years younger than you."

A couple of years younger than you.

Mr. Bigby, I am not amused.

Oh, yeah? Well, you're not that pretty either.

Yeah? You're not that pretty either.

Now put in the goofy teeth.

Ha ha ha! Weasel!

Weasel!

Ow! Ow!

You bit my eye!

You bit my eye!

I will defeat you!

Ow!

No more clowning around!

Or I will get really angry!

So I guess this is his sweet side.

Ha ha ha!

Miss mosley, to the office!

School just isn't the same

Without todd blowing milk out his nose.

He used to stick these in his ears.

Hey, he might have gotten me in trouble,

But meet our new class clown.

Morris adams is a straight-a,

Front-of-the-room- sitting teacher's pet.

And he's funny. Trust me.

Morris, say something funny.

Go on.

Show them what a class clown you are.

cr*ck a joke.

I'm telling you, he's funny.

And we don't have any other prospects.

What are you going to do,

Hold auditions for a class clown?

Orange you glad I didn't say banana?

Thank you.

Next. Next.

And then I said, "I'm gonna punch you in the face!"

Ha ha. That was funny, right?!

Next! Next!

Nyuk nyuk nyuk!

Why, I ought to...

Ow!

Hey, man, you actually got my eye!

[Fighting]

Next!

Don't touch the boy!

Orange you glad I didn't say banana?

Yes! Ha ha!

Next.

Go on. Show them how funny you are.

[Crickets chirping]

Next.

I'm telling you, he's funny!

Look! It's super plunger,

Able to unclog a toilet in a single plunge!

[Toilet flushes]

[Laughter]

Look.

It's sweeney's heart.

That's our class clown!

Hey, everybody, I'm vice principal--

I got nothing!

I'm telling you, morris is funny,

And we need a class clown fast.

Look at this place.

[Thunder]

Hey, guys!

I'm inventing a new game for class today!

It's called "answer my questions correctly

Or get docked a grade point." Ha ha ha!

Isn't life without

The class clown great?

[Laughing]

[Thunder]

Don't they make such a sweet evil couple?

Aha!

So you are funny.

This school is in desperate need of laughter,

And you keep your jokes

To yourself and moze.

How could you live with yourself?

Even with your... Super-cool hair?

I can't be a class clown.

With that title comes trouble, crubbs trouble.

The class clown's not a troublemaker.

He's a hero who puts bananas up his nose.

And goofy teeth.

Look, I'm a straight-a student.

If my mom finds out that I'm joking off in class,

It won't be pretty.

And by "it," I mean my butt.

But without a class clown,

This school is out of whack.

He or she maintains the delicate balance

Between order and insanity.

Come on. So you're saying

That without a class clown, people will go insane?

Whoo-hoo-hoo!

Let's get to class, everybody,

For more quizzing!

Yes! Ha ha ha!

[Laughter continues]

[Thunder]

That would be a yes.

[Thunder]

Is it... The milky way?

[Buzz]

Wrong. Your average goes from to .

[Sighs]

Mr. Loomer,

What is the last planet in the solar system?

Um...i don't know. Dumbo?

Rrrr! Wrong!

You go from a average to a ! Ha ha!

Isn't this fun?

Mr. Adams, I am large,

Venomous, and I eat my young.

Who am i?

My mom when I don't clean my room?

[Laughter]

I'll give you a hint, mr. Adams,

Since you are one of my favorite students

And not a class clown.

I am large, venomous, and I eat my young,

And I reside in the sahara.

Now, who am i?

That would be... You on vacation.

Bam! Ha ha ha.

[Laughter]

Sorry it took me so long.

Mr. Crubbs, it seems we have a new class clown.

Well, morris, I'll give you one more chance

To stop your fooling around,

Or you're going down.

Now give me your answer.

Oh, no.

[Laughter]

To my office! Now!

And he's not the new class clown!

[Echoing] class clown...

Oh, sh**t! Oh, sh**t!

Look at this place.

I'm sorry.

Man: ok. Go again. Let's go again.

And by "pretty," I mean my butt.

Your butt is pretty.

[Laughter]

He sure has a pretty butt.

[Laughter]

You're ready.

♪ Are you ready to do what you want to do? ♪