02x19 - Failing/Tutors

[bunniefuu]

Ned: in a middle school full of bullies..

Insane teachers...

Aah!

And gross school lunches,

Ned bigby--that's me--

And my two best friends try to do the impossible--

Create a guide that will help

You survive school.

[Bell ringing]

Man: ♪ coming up

♪ Looking out

♪ I'll survive it no doubt

♪ Never fear

♪ Bring it on

♪ Breaking down what's in my way ♪

♪ And I'm

♪ Escaped detention and a bunch of bullies tried to stop me ♪

♪ Finding my place in this world ♪

♪ And i...

Ned: "ned's declassified school survival guide."

Your results may vary.



But I don't want to go first.

Mrs. Splitz is the craziest guidance counselor ever.

Will she yell? Will she be sweet? Will she eat us?

Fine. I'll go first.

Simon, I have the most incredible news.

Your grades are so great,

Your teachers are recommending you skip eighth grade

And go straight to high school. Ha!

High school?

Oh, I am so proud of you.

Now send ned in. Ok?

I'm going to high school.

And I didn't hear any yelling.

Bigby!

How do you explain these grades that make me sick?

Well, i...

"Well, i...well, i... Well, i...well, i..."

Unless I see a major improvement in these last two weeks,

You will repeat the seventh grade

Because you are failing!

Do you understand me?

Failing!

Man: ♪ whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa

But I don't want to go to high school.

I want to go to the eighth grade with you.

Me, too. I got to find a way

To be a top-notch student and fast.

Then cut out the video games,

Get a day planner,

And plan more study time.

Or you could just ask my magic pyramid for all the answers.

Hi, jennifer.

Here's your quiz back.

I got an "f"?

Hold that thought.

Ok, go.

Aah!

Magic pyramid, am I going to enjoy

This bite of fruit cocktail?

"Most likely."

Right again!

You're gonna rely on a toy

To stop you from flunking?

"You may rely on it."

You should rely on it, too, flunkajones.

I have never flunked anything in my life.

Aha! I forgot to plan time to study.

:-- Volleyball practice.

:--Volunteer at senior center.

:--Piano. :--Science project.

:--Organize sock drawer?

:--Sleep.

No wonder you failed. You're crazy.

You're right!

I just got to make more time to study.

I've got to find a way to not go to high school.

Just do what ned does and flunk everything.

That's it!

"The tariff of abominations

Was opposed in the south because..."

Is the answer "a"?

"Concentrate and ask again."

Is the answer "a"?

Yes.

Are you spying on these kids again?

No, I'm counseling. It's totally different.

Hmm!

Hmm!

Ok.

Who can tell me how radiation produces mutations in organisms?

Ahh.

Once again, only mr. Cook has the answer,

Which is why I recommended he skip a grade

And go straight to high school.

All right. The answer, simon?

The answer is...

Farts.

[Laughter]

Pbbbbt!

Not farts!

Yes, it is.

No, it's not farts! Farts is not the answer!

It's farts.

Pbbbt! Pbbbt!

I told you the magic pyramid was never wrong.

Check it out--a "b".

Guess what?

I'm an idiot.

Seconds. Time's up.

By cutting down on the idle chitchat,

I've created an hour per day more study time.

No more "f's" for me!

No more "f's" for me because the magic pyramid is never wrong.

Oh, really?

Let me try.

Magic pyramid, will I smash you

Into a million pieces?

"My reply is no."

Oh. What do you know?

It was wrong.

Listen, bigby!

I suggest you look somewhere else for answers

If you want to make it to the eighth grade.

Do you understand me?

Ehh.

Didn't you wear this outfit yesterday?

Yeah, but by eliminating wardrobe decisions,

I've created minutes more study time per week.

Right. Well...

And by eliminating hair-washing altogether,

That's another hour right there.

Isn't that great?

Yeah. Not for your hair.

Mosley, why weren't you at volleyball practice yesterday?

Because I quit.

What? What?

Why? You love volleyball.

But I hate failing more,

And I'm never gonna get another "f" again. Never.

[Stopwatch beeps]

Oh, chitchat time over. Got to go.

No time to talk.

Is jennifer ok?

No. She's nuts.

All right, young people.

This is part of your -part final examination.

Now remember,

The essay part is worth %

Of your final examination grade,

So do your best

And use all of your class time.

Done.

And may I just say,

I think it's some of my best work.

[Whispers] genius.

I need you to read my beans.

No beans today. Corn!

Please. I'm failing, and I need to know

If I'm gonna pass my social studies final exam.

Ooh. We'll read the corn.

Ooh. You're gonna fail.

But the good news is you're gonna kiss your true love

At a dance soon.

Oh, it's hopeless.

I'm never gonna make it to the eighth grade.

Honey, the corn ain't written in stone.

You can control your future if you want to.

How?

Get organized.

Put your head in those books

And start studying.

Anything else?

Oh, yeah. Grab some good-luck charms

And have one leprechaun

Dance around you during the test.

I think I get the point. Thanks.

How long do I have to wear this cheesy thing?

Just one period.

But I'm not even irish.

Just dance the leprechaun dance.

Ned, this is a bit distracting

To the rest of the students.

You got a problem with that?

Are you the kid who takes pants?

Has everyone in this school gone crazy?

I think so, yeah.

Ohh...

Ooh! Oh...

Oh, mr. Wright. I'm sorry.

No. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry I let you down.

That is why I'm quitting.

Are you crying?

When I found out that you,

One of my best students,

Had gotten an "f",

I realized that I didn't have what it takes

To be a teacher.

You're quitting because of me?

My father always said I'd be a failure.

He was right.

Mr. Wright, it was one "f".

You can't quit over one little failure.

So you're saying I shouldn't overreact to one failure?

Absolutely.

Good. Then rejoin the volleyball team,

Start spending time with your friends,

Wash your hair,

And don't overreact to one failure.

Thanks, mr. Wright.

Oh. My hair thanks you, too.

Ha ha ha!

Oh.

I don't want to go first.

She's crazy.

Fine. I'll go first.

Simon, what's wrong?

You got an "f",

Which apparently stands for "farts!"

[Fart]

I don't want to go to high school.

I want to stay here with my friends.

So stay.

If you didn't want to go,

All you had to do was tell me.

Really? That's great.

Maybe you're not crazy.

Oh, of course not.

Now send ned in.

[No audio]

You failed!

But I had a leprechaun.

How could I fail with a dancing leprechaun?

Because failure is part of life,

But learning from your failures is how you succeed.

And since luck and magic didn't work for you,

Let's try something different.

Stop goofing around, start a study schedule,

Ace your social studies final,

And you can still make it to the eighth grade!

Do you understand?!

Yes, sir!

I'm a woman!

Yes, ma'am!

Yeah!

Failing. It happens to everyone,

And it means you're only human.

So remember, don't overreact

And don't let one "f" ruin your life.

And while failing means you're doing something wrong,

It also tells you it's time to try something different.

And talk to your guidance counselor

Because stopping us from failing is their job.

Failing is just a part of life,

But it's a part you can fix.

Bigby!

Guess who got an "a".

Thanks, mrs. Spli--

Thanks for your help, mrs. Splitz.

It was weird help, but it works.

Hey, different kids need different counseling,

So I need to be sweet, harsh,

Like, a total best friend,

And sometimes,

I need to kick the grades out of the lazy

But smart students!

Good luck in the eighth grade, ned.

Yes!

Ok. Now that you made it to the eighth grade...

Can we get rid of the leprechaun?

What? She said good luck.

Dance!

Man: ♪ why'd you make it so complicated? ♪

♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa

♪ Oh, yeah

Awesome.

Now that I'm moving up,

It's time to say good-bye

To the seventh grade

And hello to...

Summer school?!

Your grades were good enough to get you to eighth grade,

But not good enough in my class to avoid--

Summer school?!

Unless, of course, you happen to pull off a miracle

By acing my final exam,

Which is possible if you sign up for a student tutor.

Tutor?!

Man: ♪ whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa

Tutors.

They're like a personal trainer for your brain,

So ask your teachers about the tutor options in your school.

Because whether it's a student, teacher, or on-line tutor,

It could mean the difference between a summer by the pool

Or a summer in school.

You're getting a tutor, too?

I am a tutor. I'm helping a sixth grader

Discover the joys of math.

You sick, sick woman.

You bigby?

I'm your new tutor.

Lance widget?

It's pronounced wid-jay, moron!

Now move!

All right, young people.

As a fun, end-of-the-year project,

I want you to create innovative ways

That we can help our community.

All right?

Partner up and get to work!

Oh, sweet mother of pearl.

Toot! Toot!

You don't know what a mitochondria is?

Hello! It's the powerhouse of a cell! Duh!

But that's why I'm here-- to learn about this stuff.

I knew this stuff in kindergarten

While you were picking your nose and eating it,

You utter neutrino.

I thought you were gonna help me.

How can this not be helping?!

Another tutor tip--

If your tutor isn't working out or is a psycho,

Don't be afraid to ask for another.

Where are you going? Come back here.

I'm--i'm a genius! I'm lance wid-jay!

Ok. Today we'll be learning about integers,

Which are also known as whole numbers.

Isn't math exciting?

Can I just say, you are the greatest tutor I've ever had.

Thanks, toby, but I haven't tutored anything yet.

[Sigh]

Hi, ned. I'm marva, your new tutor.

Let's take the periodic chart.

Ooh, that won't be on the exam.

Just think to yourself--

A-t-l-i-b-- helium, lithium, beryllium.

And another one, just make up the words.

Like with colonies-- not really science,

But I think phrasing them is really something.

Do I know you? You seem familiar.

Maybe you know my brother martin.

Martin querly is your brother?

There are gads of us querlys.

There's max, manny, melton, maurice, milly, moe.

Oh, then there are the querly cousins,

And they're so much fun to be around.

We go there every christmas

And for the holidays,

And we're there for usually two weeks--

You know what? You have a really pretty smile,

And you're a great listener.

Tutoring is going to be so much fun.

Ok, so back to the periodic table.

So, mr. Bigby,

How's the tutoring coming?

You ready to ace my final exam?

It's a disaster.

One called me hurtful things

That I didn't understand.

The other wouldn't stop talking.

It's easy blaming others,

But maybe you should look at yourself.

That's where the problem begins.

I'm not blaming them. They're just crazy.

Here's a practice exam.

The questions are similar to the ones on the real one.

Now stop fooling around

And find a tutor that works

And master it.

Time is running out.

Whew.

The old-fashioned gas lamp.

It used to bring people together downtown after hours.

We'll bring 'em back.

Great for business. Great for the community.

Timmy, whatever you do,

Don't...

Toot! Toot!

I told them what a great tutor you were.

They need help with spanish, too.

No habla espanol.

But I'm your math tutor.

Oh, math. Math is good, too.

Ok. Well, now it's so many of you,

I'll need to work with you each one on one.

So who's first?

All: me! Me! Me! Me!

[Shouting]

So last summer at the querly family reunion--

I wish you could've been there--

It was so much fun...

Jock goldman? You're my new tutor?

Hey, no friend of jennifer's

Is gonna go to summer school.

Now, since you mentioned jennifer,

Is she still mad at me?

I didn't mention jennifer.

Look, somebody gave me this practice exam

And told me to ace it.

First answer is "a".

Now, help me with a problem.

How do I win back jennifer's trust?

Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on!

Guys, our next tutor session

Isn't for another hour.

Miss mosley, a minute, please?

It seems that the more you tutor your students,

The worst they're doing in class.

Are you having trouble getting their attention?

No. In fact, all I have is their attention.

You're fired!

What? Wait.

I'm a tutor. I solve problems.

I can solve this one.

You're unfired!

But if they don't improve,

You're re-fired!

Simon, you're one of my brightest students.

Now, if anyone can figure out a way to work with a kid

Who blasts the pants cannon constantly,

It's you.

But timmy's blown away every idea I've had.

Literally.

You know, there's an old saying--

"When life gives you lemons,

Make lemonade."

So when life gives me timmy,

I should make farting!

No. No, no. Not exactly.

No. That's exactly it.

Thanks, mr. Wright.

Where do you think you're going?

We're making fart aid for social studies.

Oh, well, if you're making fart aid, you just should say--

Fart aid?!

Give me those beans.

Get rid of her.

Toot! Toot!

Oh! Aah!

Hanging with all you eighth graders is great,

But shouldn't we be working on my practice test?

Don't worry. I did it for you.

Now, jennifer's not dating anyone right now, right?

Wait a minute.

Are you just tutoring me to get to moze?

I don't lie anymore, so...yeah,

But your test is done.

But I didn't learn a thing,

And I still have to take sweeney's test.

Another tutor tip--

Beware of the tutors that do the work for you.

They mean well, but you won't learn a thing.

Jennifer is so smart and beautiful and...

I have to ace this exam so I stay out of summer school!

Hmm.

So you don't mind if I date jennifer, then, right?

Great.

I tried to find a tutor, and I did,

But I got two crazies

And a guy who's using me to get to moze.

I really want to ace your exa--

Oh, what's the use?

Slap on the cuffs and take me to summer school.

[Sigh]

I happen to know a very good tutor who is not crazy

And can probably help.

So if you're serious about acing my exam,

Take this to room at :.

Must be tough sometimes having your tooter problems.

Are you kidding me? It's a super power.

I haven't waited in line since fourth grade.

I sit wherever I want in movies,

And I knocked out lunchlady with one blast.

All right.

Let's put your super power to the test.

Keep eating.

Hi, guys.

Aah!

Let's get to work.

I can't look at her!

She's hideous!

Oh, sorry. I usually put on a little makeup,

And I forgot to shave.

Ha ha ha. All right, let's get those eyes

On those books and study.

I'll never look up again.

Hey.

What do you think of my new look?

It's perfect.

Jock goldman wants to ask you out.

But I hate him.

Exactly. So when he sees you,

He's gonna run for the hills.

I'm thinking of running for the hills.

[Shudder]

Hey, jennifer. I was wondering if, uh...

I don't think so, pretty boy.

Isn't she beautiful?

On the inside,

'Cause her face was disgusting,

And she forgot to shave this morning.

Yeah. I'd love to stay and chat,

But I'm off to meet my new tutor.

[Gasp]

Do not be alarmed.

Methane is an alternative fuel

Created by manure and compost.

We helped to raise awareness about this natural resource

By using timmy's natural gas to power this.

Toot! Toot!

[Farts]

Yes! Toot! Toot!

[Farts] toot! Toot!

[Engine stops]

[Fart]

Oh, no! The valve is clogged!

But I can't stop tooting.

[Farts] toot! Toot!

Toot! Toot! Toot! Toot!

Save yourselves! He's gonna blow!

[Screaming]

Man, I hope this works.

Mr. Bigby. Let's get to work.

Mr. Sweeney? You're my new tutor?

What better person to help you

Than the one who is giving the exam?

Have a seat.

Summer is no time for school.

[expl*si*n]

[Glass breaks]

[Siren]

Timmy exploded, and his back blast is headed this way.

[Siren]

But we'll start tomorrow. Run!

Aah!

[Screaming]

Awesome!

Man: ♪ why'd you make it so complicated? ♪

♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa

Jock goldman wants to ask you out again.

But I hate him.

[Laughing]

Man: ♪ why'd you make it so complicated? ♪

♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa

Good.

You do understand.

♪ Whoa, whoa, whoa

I'm off to meet my new tutor.

Why'd I say "my new tutor"?

It's like a little southern accent.

Sorry.