03x15 - Fundraising/Competition

[bunniefuu]

Ned: in a middle school full of bullies,

Insane teachers,

And gross school lunches,

Ned bigby--that's me--

And my two best friends try to do the impossible--

Create a guide that will help

You survive school.

Man: ♪ coming up

♪ Looking out

♪ I'll survive it, no doubt

♪ Never fear

♪ Bring it on

♪ Breaking down what's in my way ♪

♪ And I'm

♪ Finding my place in this world ♪

♪ And i...

Ned: "ned's declassified school survival guide."

Your results may vary.

This whole world is out of shape,

Soft, and getting flabby,

And that's why we're buying new exercise equipment

For the gym by selling chocolate.

Aww! Aww! Aww!

You only got to sell one box each.

Now be happy!

Yay. Yay. Yay.

This year, inside one of these bars is a golden ticket

Good for a giant flat screen tv and video game system.

Now get out there and sell!

[All cheering]

Now!

Wolf bar? No.

But this chocolate could have the golden ticket inside.

You could win a giant flat screen tv.

Give me candy.

Ticket, ticket.

Tv, tv, tv.

No tv for me.

You can still enjoy that delicious wolf chocolate.

Chocolate makes me sick...

Like that.

We couldn't help it.

We checked every candy bar.

No golden ticket.

You guys ate all your chocolate bars?

You got to do what you got to do.

And now you got to find bucks

To pay for the chocolate you were supposed to be selling.

What were you thinking?

We were thinking he'd take the tv

And I'd take the video game system.

Dirga: well, you better start thinking

About when my gym equipment arrives on friday.

I want my bucks.

Ugh... Oh...

Ohh...



Moze: well, I've sold all of mine, except one.

All I have to do is sell this,

And that'll be years in a row I've sold all of my chocolate.

I'll buy it.

Winning that tv will make me feel better.

You can't even pay for the chocolate you already ate,

And you know I don't sell to friends or family.

I'm old-school-- pounding the pavement,

Finding that hard-to-reach chocolate buyer,

And closing the deal.

Excuse me, sir.

Would you like to buy this chocolate bar?

Chocolate makes me sick...

Like those guys.

Oh...

I will sell this chocolate bar.

We will get back those fundraising funds

We were supposed to fund-raise fundraising.

How are we going to get $ by friday?

Easy. We'll do it the old-fashioned way.

Step right up.

Step right up for the most amazing

School fundraising experience ever.

One way to raise money for your school

Is to hold a carnival with games and prizes.

Give away inexpensive, used, or donated prizes

To increase the profits.

[Crash]

Aah! Aah! Aah!

But it's not a good idea to hold the carnival in the science room.

Bigby! That window is gonna cost you $.

Ooh, ooh, I'll take the monkey.

[Laughing]

Great.

Now we have to pay for a new window.

We still owe dirga $, and I loved that monkey.

Hold on. I have another idea.

Hey, anyone want to buy a chocolate bar?

Can't believe I can't sell this thing.

Gordy: yo, right here. I'll take it.

Bring on the chocolat.

You know I don't sell to friends or family.

Oh, come on. It's your last one.

Uh, uh, uh, uh, no.

Does anyone know where I can buy a chocolate bar?

[All shouting]

[Crowd cheering]

Announcer: basket by kevin johnson.

A half-court sh*t contest.

We charge everyone one dollar

For a chance to sink a sh*t

From half-court at halftime.

If they make it, which they won't,

They'll win a brand-new bike.

Hey, that's my new bike. I know.

Get your chocolate bar right here.

Chocolate here. Candy bar here.

I'll take one.

Ah.

Oh! My eye! My eye!

I need a nurse.

Ooh, I'll take one.

I'm old. I need chocolate.

I do not sell to friends.

Oh, just sell me the chocolate!

[All shouting]

[Buzzer]

Announcer: halftime, and that means

It's time for someone to win that bike.

Cookie: hey, wait.

You have to put on this blindfold,

And we get to spin you around...

And you have to sh**t backwards.

I feel funny.

Good. It's a contest rule.

Chill.

No one can make this sh*t.

Go ahead, coconut head. sh**t.

Uh!

[Crowd cheering]

Yes! Yes!

Ohh...

Dirga: great! Where's my money?

Run!

Rrgh!

Hi. I'm selling chocolates

For james k. Polk middle school

To raise money for--

[Dogs barking] whoa!

Man: wait a minute. Let me get some clothes on.

That's ok. Never mind!

Hi. I'm from polk middle school.

Well, I know who you are.

You're here to suck out my brains

And bring them back to your mother ship,

But you can't have them

Because I have a head protector.

Look. Do you want to buy the candy bar, you crazy--

[Bell rings]

We're dead.

I'm convinced this candy bar is cursed.

Just sell it to me. I want to buy a chocolate bar.

Oh, why did I say that?

Yaah! Aah!

We'll never get $ by the end of the day.

Car bash!

Yeah. You hold a car bash.

You get an old, junky car,

And then you charge kids a buck

To bash it in with a sledgehammer.

We did it in college. We raised over $.

Awesome.

Ooh, in fact, I'll call my old buddy mr. Auto shop teacher

And have him send over a junker.

If you're trying to raise money, don't rule out anything,

Whether it's a fashion show, an auction,

Or just smashing up an old car.

If it's fun and for a good cause,

People will pay to play.

Awesome. Here's bucks.

I got some anger issues to work out.

We did it. We raised the $.

Ohh... Yeah. One small problem.

That's the wrong car.

That's the car you're supposed to smash.

Whose car is this?

My car!

[Sobbing]

I'll take that,

But you still owe me $ to cover my deductible.

Plus the $ for that window.

And the $ you owe me for that chocolate,

And we want that money...

Today! Today! Today!

How are we supposed to raise

$ Dollars in two hours?

I've got a plan, and it's also crazy,

But it also just might work.

Selling wrapping paper.

I'd love to buy some. How much for a roll?

$ Dollars.

So close.

Buy my last chocolate bar, please.

It's got nuts!

You could win a huge tv prize thing!

Please. It could have the golden ticket!

Oh, just sell me the chocolate bar.

No. I don't sell to friends.

Well, a real friend would sell to friends

If that friend wanted to buy chocolate from a friend.

I told you, no.

Then I guess we're not friends anymore.

I guess we're not friends!

Good. I'd like to buy one chocolate bar, please.

Thank you,

And maybe someday we can be friends again.

Fine!

What are you doing?oh, I hate chocolate.

Chocolate just fell from the sky...

And it has a golden ticket in it.

I won the flat screen super entertainment system!

Ok. That was dumb. Oh, yeah.

All: you're the worst fundraisers ever.

We tried everything.

Do you have any idea how hard it is to raise money?

Cookie: we're students, not salespeople.

We're supposed to eat chocolate, not sell it.

You know, they're right.

Fundraising is tough.

I remember I used to have the door slammed in my face

All the time,

Even when I wasn't selling stuff.

I lost the money I raised.

I had to pay it back out of my piggy bank.

Dirga: well, maybe we were too tough on you,

But the school needs that money.

I wish we could help, but how?

There is one thing that the students would pay money for--

Enough to pay for the equipment,

Repair the window, and fix your car, too,

And you guys are perfect for the job.

All: what do you want us to do?

[Students cheering]

Ow!

Whoo hoo!

Aah! Ohh...

We need more sponges.

We have enough to buy a new gym

For the new gym equipment.

Remember, there are tons of ways

You can raise money for your school,

So be creative and have fun.

Take that, dirga. Ha ha!

At least it's for a good cause.

Oh! Ho ho!

Why do they call it the human race?

Because life is filled with competitions.

Loser gets the short chair.

[Bell rings]

Ned: from the minute you're born,

It's all about who wins and who loses,

Whether it's a volleyball game,

Hoping to be your crush's new dance partner...

Or a race to class.

Whoa!

Whoa!

Marbles?

That's low, even for you.

Not a low as you, loser. Ha ha ha!

I am not a loser,

And I will b*at you at something someday soon.

Bring it on.

Today I have a treat.

I'm getting you all out of class

To participate in a special lesson.

We're going to team up and play...

The big continent competition,

And the winner wins this.

Announcer: that's right. It's a valuable prize.

I bet it's a tv.

Nah. It's a monster sound system.

Or a monkey.

It's more valuable than all of those combined.

Now team up.

We will crush the competition and win that prize,

So don't wimp out.

Your hair looks great, though.

How did you get stuck with missy

For your big social studies race?

Because I picked her.

She's tenacious and insane,

And if I'm going to b*at loomer and win that fat prize,

I need her on my team.

Hey, winning isn't everything.

Did I just say that?

That was weird.

Lisa is looking for a dance partner,

And with my k*ller moves, she'll have to pick me.

♪ Ooh ah

Aah!

Maybe you should learn some salsa moves

Because you got some competition.

[Salsa music plays]

Yes, but remember,

What I lack in dancing skills,

I more than make up for in lying and computer skills.

Jump back. Kiss my bad self.

♪ Ooh ooh ooh

Aah!

Hmm.

[Elephant trumpets]

Each stage of the race showcases a continent.

Winner gets points,

Two for second place, and one for third.

The team with the most points at the end of the day

Wins the prize.

It will be me.

No. It will be me.

So, what's our strategy?

Duh. We're going to play dirty.

You're cute when you're stupid.

Pal: water is sparse, and your village needs it to survive.

Each team must fill their pots at the river

And carry them back to the village.

[Air horn blasts]

We can't get in.

Watch and learn.

Hey, could you guys hold these for a sec?

Yeah. Sure.

Thanks. Run.

Team antarctica wins.

Yes!

Whoa!

[Whistle blows]

Mosely, what is your problem?

I missed?

Look at these box scores.

I used to count on you for at least points a game,

And now I barely get .

I'm averaging points a game?

What is happening to me?

[Salsa music playing]

[Whip cracks]

I think I found my dance partner.

You sure know how to samba.

I know them all--

The samba, the rumba, the chimichanga.

Great, because the dance competition is tonight.

Dance competition?

Yeah, and as long as you do what you did

On that video, we can't lose.

I lost my edge.

I won the first round.

I checked my grades and scores,

And they all started dropping the first week of march.

I'm slowly turning into a noncompetitive mush ball.

The first week of march?

That's the week suzie moved.

Suzie crabgrass.

You hated her and wanted to b*at her at everything.

So, I'm not losing my edge.

I just need to find a new ultra competitive rival.

Thanks.

Back off, sister. He's mine.

Hey, have you been working out?

[Air horn blasts]

Pal: time is up, and remember,

The team that built the nicest hut wins stage two.

Pal: oh, dear, it could use more work.

Looks like a cake.

Ha ha ha! Nice hut. Ha ha!

Ha ha ha!

Didn't you used to teach dance?

I was a dance instructor.

I need to learn to samba in hours

So lisa will fall in love with me.

Teach me.

I'll give you the crash course.

[Crashing]

Let's find a bigger room.

In your face! Yes!

Rejected, . All right.

What's up with that? What's up with that?

Not in my house. Uh-uh. All right. All right.

Bring it on. Bring it on. Come on.

I could give you one more sh*t.

[Beep]

[Beep]

[Beep]

[Beep beep beep beep]

[Beep] [beep]

[Beeeeeeeeeeeeeep]

[Crash]

[Students straining]

Pal: ok. After stages,

Teams are tied for first.

We'll find out who wins the big, valuable prize

In the final stage.

Ooh. Ooh. Ooh.

Quiz time.

First one finished gets a -point bonus.

[Beep]

Begin.

She's freaking me out!

I can't take it anymore!

Waah!

Iteacher: is everything ok, jennifer?

Suzie crabgrass pushed me to do my best,

And now she and my edge are gone.

Well, can I help? I am a teacher.

Not unless you can make her magically appear

On the sidelines at tonight's game.

Thanks.

Hmm.

The final stage is a -legged race to find asian spices,

And this map tells us exactly where to go.

You stole the map?

Yeah, and nobody knows but us.

And us,

And with these maps of the final stage,

We will win.

You stole the maps! You stole the maps?

Hey! Hey! Hey!

[All shouting]

Ned: guys! Guys! Guys!

Look at us.

We used to get along... Sort of...

And now we're b*ating each other up

Over some stupid, big, valuable prize.

I mean, look at coconut head. He's not freaking out.

It's a trap! He's trying to trick us!

Aah!

Aah!

Nice try, bigby.

You're going down, loser.

Ooh, your eye is twitching with anger.

I like it.

I need some marbles.

Ha ha ha! Ha ha!

[Salsa music playing]

Yeah.

With my crash dance course,

You're going to mop up the competition.

And with my moves and grooves,

I'm going to sweep lisa off her feet.

Ha ha ha!

Ha ha--uh...

The final stage is worth points,

And the winner will take home the prize.

It will be me.

No. It will be me.

I will destroy all of you!

Now you must find the asian spices

Hidden somewhere in the school using this map.

[Plays "charge"]

Waah!

Oh! Oh!

Ha ha! Yeah!

Hurry up. We're losing.

Don't worry.

No one is going to cross the finish line before us.

[Twang]

Aah! Aah!

Aah! Oh!

Oh, my gosh, you cheated for me.

Oh. Now let's win this thing.

What are you doing?

I can't win like this.

I can. Let's go.

No. No!

Rrgh! Rrgh!

Get your cute butt across the finish line.

Ugh! Uh!

Oh!

I am not cheating.

Whoo! We won!

And you won the big prize.

A note.

"Competition brings out the best and the worst in us.

The important thing is to know the difference."

Where's the valuable prize?

There is nothing more valuable than knowledge.

Bye, boys...

Oh, and nice going, ned.

Ned, voice-over: so, when it comes to competition,

Let's recap.

Competition can be a great motivator,

And even though moze didn't make any new rivals,

With the help of iteacher, she got back her old one.

You call that a spike?

I could so spike it better than that.

Put some effort into it.

[Salsa music playing]

Ned: cookie learned that you should never enter a competition

Unless you're ready and that dancing with a mop

Is nothing like dancing with the real thing...

And don't let competition take over your life.

Winning isn't everything.

It really is how you play the game.

Ok, class.

Today we're going to have...

An ancient history scavenger hunt,

And the winner gets...

Aah! Aah! Aah!

Man: that's it.

Woman: ready?

Man: yeah. We're still rolling.

Ro--pbbt!

You skipped my line.

Lindsey shaw: I know. I'm sorry.

Selling chocolate.

Give you the crash course.

[Crash]

There's the crash

Involved in the course.

It crashes and everything.

It's great.

Aah!

Aah!