01x02 - It's Not Just for Dog sh*t

[bunniefuu]

♪ ♪

[♪ Chiiild:
"Back to Life"]

♪ And when I die ♪

♪ She brings me ♪

♪ Back, back to life ♪

♪ Back, back to life ♪♪

[breathing heavily]

[violent thud]

[bird cries in distance]

[Bruce] Hi.

Well...
[clears throat]

I thought we could make sundaes.

You know, celebrate graduation.

You okay?

Just tired.

Well...

Did, uh...

did your sister ever find you?

Alison?

[crying]

Hey. Hey, hey, hey.

[sobbing]

It's okay.
I got you.

Oh... It's okay.

It's gonna be okay.

[gasping]

[Bruce] Lenn?

Oh, sh*t. sh*t!
I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I'll be... I'm in
the middle of... I'll just...

I'll be right out.

- f*ck.
- Sorry, my bad.

- Everything all right in there?
- Yeah, I'm fine.

I'll just be out in a second.

[door opens]

I should have knocked.

Yeah. Um, tea.

Yeah, well, Harold insisted
I bring the luau stew over

before it got cold.

Oh, well, he's the best.

Do I, uh, want to know
what was going on in there?

No, no, um, definitely not.

You know, there's no shame
in whatever it was.

Uh... unless you want there
to be.

I heard somewhere that
that's okay, too.

I really appreciate
the conscious parenting,

- but we really don't...
- [woman shouts]

[loud bangs]

[screams]

Courtney?

This is that assh*le

who's been spraying his seed
all over the place.

Yeah, I set out traps.

Well, he ain't in 'em.

I can see that.

What's your problem?

I just, you know, saw the blood

and assumed you were
a serial k*ller.

Okay, why don't you just, uh,

take the rest
of the day off, Court?

Full pay.

Yeah.

I'm gonna put this douchebag
on top of the dumpster.

Show his little pals
who they're dealing with.

Wow.

I mean, seriously,
was she always that extra?

Didn't you kind of miss
being home? Yo, watch your feet.

- I like school.
- Yeah, so you said.

I mean, you didn't come home
for Christmas...

or Thanksgiving...
or spring break.

What is it you like most,
the finals or the blizzards?

Very funny.
It's the people.

Well, the people here
are very happy

that you are home.

Impressed. [clears throat]

Dean's list.

Thanks.

Not so happy
you're smoking, though.

Nothing quite like
the scent of air freshener

and ashtray mixed.

It was hand sanitizer.

Smoking was your sister's thing.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

- It's all my fault.
- [stifled sob]

It's true.

It should have been me.

- I wish it was me.
- Don't say that.

They all thought I was Lennon.

And I don't know why
I didn't say anything, and...

I'm sorry.
I-I should have stopped them.

I don't... I don't know
what I was thinking.

And... And then, um...

And then we were in the cave
and, um...

I'm so sorry, Dad.

It's my fault.

I know you hate me,

and I know you'll
never forgive me, but, um,

I gotta make this right,
and I-I know I can't.

But, um, I'm gonna go
to the station right now,

turn myself in.

I know I'll go to jail,
but it's okay.

I deserve it.

It's okay.

No.

Please.

I lost one daughter tonight.

I can't lose you, too.

[Bruce] Alison.

You can't turn.

I know. I'm sorry.

You're Lennon now.

Alison ran away.

You made it up,
we both gotta live with it.

What if I can't?

You think her friends
would protect you

if they knew the truth?

[phone chimes]

[exhales] I gotta go.

You just got home.

Don't you think you should
give it some time?

I have a social life.

- Lennon. Uh...
- Hmm?

Be careful.

Careful's not really my thing.

I'm kidding.

I'll be good. I-I promise.

- [♪ Leo Soul: "G.Q."]
- ♪ Stepping out on Friday ♪

♪ I'm in the whip
and I hit the highway ♪

♪ I have doubts,
saw you looking my way ♪

♪ I'm a bad man, and I say ♪

♪ Take a look at me ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ So fresh, so clean,
like a new IP...

♪ ♪

♪ Fresh, so ♪♪

[music shuts off]

[sighs]

[Bruce] Alison...

I told you, you can't react.

You have to be Lennon.

So you can love me?

I always loved both of you.

You just loved her more.

Everybody did.

[Margot] Here she is.

The myth, the legend.

Um, hi. Glow-up alert.

So K-stew post Twilight.

- Oh, my God, really? Thank you.
- Yeah.

My mom hates it.

[Alison] I'm not hearing
a problem.

Come on, Riri.

You know playing hard to get
never works with me.

- Aw.
- Okay.

[all] Johnny!

You guys remember Coach Craft?

Please, uh, call me Eric, okay,

now that you're not
students anymore.

Well, um, I'll see you at home.

Oh...

- You are not f*cking Coach Craft.
- This is so hot.

It's not just sex.

So what, like, fetish sh*t?

Isn't he, like, legit married

- to a woman?
- Not anymore.

We're engaged.

Oh, my God, a wedding!

I am so wet right now.

We're just gonna do
something small with his son.

I mean, people will cry
and throw rice,

and then birds will die
from choking.

I love you.

[Johnny] Me, too.
I miss you guys.

Okay, this is very
intimate and sh*t,

but can you please tell us
what the f*ck we're doing here,

besides planning Johnny's
big gay wedding?

I was just waiting on Dylan.

Dude, he hasn't talked
to any of us since last summer.

No way he's coming.

Someone knows what we did.

Oh, Jesus!

Is that a f*cking goat head?

That is actually rout.

I did not need that visual.

How do you know it's about us?

It's written
on my f*cking mirror.

Could be something else
you did last summer.

Or someone.

Okay, ugly of you, Margot,
seriously.

I'm just saying
if someone knows what we did,

why haven't they
called the police

or-or put things in our closets?

It's true. Johnny and I
have been home all year.

We said we hit a goat.
This can't be a coincidence.

It could be like the horse head
in The Godfather.

I mean, that dude
didn't say he hit a horse.

That was a warning that
they were gonna k*ll him.

Ew.
Old movies are so boring.

We need to go to the police.

Absolutely not.
We went over this.

Yeah, that was before.
We weren't thinking straight.

Listen, we need to make things
right before someone gets hurt.

You think it's not
gonna hurt in jail?

Hello? Nonconsensual sex?

- This isn't a joke.
- I don't want to go to the police, okay?

I just... It's...

Look, we made the decision.

We need to figure this out
ourselves, okay?

Did anyone see us that night?

Just le douchebag Dale.

He's too busy jerking off
to jailbait to go around

putting goat heads
in people's closets.

Plus, I'm pretty sure
he's illiterate,

and that message has
way too many words in it.

Well, someone knows, which means

someone must have
said something.

- Are you f*cking kidding me?
- Did you say something?

No, of course not.

What about Dylan.

He didn't do this.
He's not a narc

and his best friend's
a f*cking drug dealer.

Who he hasn't spoken to
all year.

Even if someone knows what
happened, they can't prove it.

As long as we stick together
and we stick to the story.

[Johnny] No, she's right.

We can't turn
against each other now.

[Riley] Call me later?

[Margot] Yeah.

Okay. Love you.

- Good seeing you.
- Bye.

- Bye, babe.
- Bye.

Johnny.
[chuckles]

I just wanted to say that
I really am happy

for you and Coach Craft.

Thanks.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I know, I got a little bitchy

when you told me you weren't
going to USC with me.

Okay, I shouldn't have
blocked you.

Or posted those memes.

I was in a really
bad place when,

you know.

We all were.

So can we please just
open-mouth kiss and make up?

Please?

That meme of me smiling
at the football ass-slaps

was actually kind of funny.

'Cause it was made with love.

You are so full of sh*t.

Trojan trophy?

Oh, Kyle?

Please. He's security.

My dad's doing some big deal
in Dubai.

There's an island, Chris Martin.

I promise to tell you
everything if you come ki.

Uh, you had me at Chris Martin.

[Margot squeals]

♪ ♪

[woman] Hello.

Hi, Clara.

[horse whinnies in distance]

[entry bells jingle]

[new age music playing softly]

I've been waiting for you.

I saw you drive into town
and was hoping you'd come by.

- Always good to see you, Hannah.
- Mm, you, too, Lennon.

How are you, sweetheart?

Missing your sister, I bet.

Just remember,

wherever Alison
may have run away to,

we're all under the same sky.

Thanks.

Are you here to see Dylan?

[clanging]

Hey.

You, uh, preparing
for the witch trials?

What do you want, Lennon?

- Isn't she the cutest thing you ever saw?
- Hey.

Hi.

Hey, I can pour more.

More is good.

You should leave.

[hamming resumes]

Well, I, um... I texted you.

We all met up.

- You know, the OGs, BFFs since kindergarten.
- What's your point?

I think someone knows
what we did.

Yep.

[Alison] That's it?

Looks like we're gonna
get what we deserve.

You really think
we deserve this?

We k*lled her.

It was an accident.

There are no accidents.

- There's only karma.
- [goat bleats]

I'm sure it was a goat.

♪ ♪

[car horn blaring]

- [gasps] sh*t!
- What the f*ck are you doing?

Trying to get my door open.

I meant with that GTA
driving back there.

No, I think there's
someone following me.

- Did you see them?
- Honestly, no.

- Well, they were.
- So you're telling me you just won

a car chase in this...
this vehicle?

f*ck you.

I don't care if
you don't believe me.

I believe you believe you.

[♪ Chiiild: "Back to Life"]

♪ Come get me, darling ♪

- You're a bitch.
- That's why you love me.

That and those perfect
little milky-milks.

Okay, turn off your f*cking
mammogram.

You're gonna love me even more

once I help you clean up
this goat head.

It's not just
for dog sh*t, dude.

Come on.

- Thanks, Riri.
- Yep.

Rosé all day.

So snatched.

And go.

But I missed my Johnny.

You can have
your lovefest later.

Okay. Okay.

Just don't drown.

I'll keep an eye on her.

Now, I must know
every lurid detail

about Mr. Craft's everything.

All right, you can
call him Eric.

Oh, "Mr. Craft" is
so much hotter.

Just saying it makes me
want to touch myself.

Two star-crossed lovers,

eyes meeting across the gym.

Hey, you know star-crossed
lovers end up dead, right?

Not always.

- When did it start?
- Uh, senior year.

Oh, I love love.

Hey, what about Kyle
the security guy?

He seems like he'd be
very strict.

I'm kind of over f*cking
hot, stupid people.

Ever since my breakdown
nerveuse,

as the French would say.

Wait, are you being serious
right now?

Only if you consider eating
buckets of McNuggets

while snot-crying
in front of millions serious.

Jesus.

Mukbang channel?

Yes.

I'm so sorry, Margot.
I had no idea.

I'm just lucky my mom freaked
when she saw my Del Taco

full menu challenge.

She flew to L.A.,
pulled the videos,

put me on a juice cleanse,

and made me go to, like,
live-in therapy.

Well, you seem good now, so...

I am.

And I want you to be good, too.

[chuckles]

f*ck Juilliard!

I'm gonna make you
bigger than Doja,

pre-cancellation.

That's-that's really sweet
of you, but, um,

music isn't really my focus
right now, so...

No, you need to follow your
dream, not your boyfriend.

Well, Eric is my dream.

Hey, why don't you
reach out to Lennon?

[sighs]

I don't know.

Talked a lot about
attention-seeking behavior

- in therapy.
- [chuckles] Shocking.

[both laugh]

I admit... I am a legit
attention whore,

but so is Lennon.

And, I mean,

everything was fine

until she came back.

And then... And all of a sudden
there's this...

goat head thing.

No way she put that
in her own closet.

Look, I'm not judging.

I'm just saying...

people do psycho sh*t
when they're stressed.

Okay, Lennon's f*cked-up,
but she would never do that.

All right?
None of us would.

You're just freaking out.

No, you're right.

Honestly, I think
I'm just scared.

Oh, this is so f*cking gross.

- So are dead rats in the wall.
- Ugh. Good to know.

My mom sucks at
cleaning our place, too.

- Oh, sh*t! f*ck, f*ck, f*ck.
- Oh, I got it, I got it...

[groans]

Can you at least admit
this sh*t is scary?

Someone's got some deep
f*cking issues with you,

that's for sure.

Saw Dylan today.

He seemed pretty f*cked-up.

I mean, obviously, if he'll
see you and not me.

He was putting salt licks
all over the yard.

So?

Um, salt licks attract goats.

Dylan didn't f*cking do this.

He's seriously the most gentle,
sensitive...

It's probably some OCD sh*t.

He said it was karma.

You don't actually believe
in that crap?

Okay, listen,

you really got
to get back on your

cool girl vibe,
or people are gonna start

to wonder what's up.

I'm trying.

Care for some
chemical assistance?

♪ ♪

Thanks, Riri.

There's my girl.

First ones back
are on the house.

Just do me a favor and...

chill the f*ck out.

See you later. Bye.

Bye.

[door opens]

[door shuts]

[swallows]

I swear, just
turned my hose on him.

You did not.
And what'd he do?

Called the cops, who
basically gave me a medal.

Every hour for three
g*dd*mn years,

those teddy bears did their
hula on his lawn.

Oh, I bet your other neighbors
loved you. [laughs]

- It's decaf, right?
- Never.

I like a kick.

Hmm.

Sorry about that.

Yeah, Lyla like hers
loaded, too.

That's true about me.

How's that Kani Kani budget
coming along?

You may notice I am not wearing

my uniform right now.

- I definitely noticed.
- Thanks, Bill.

Sorry, my bad.

- You can get it to me tomorrow.
- Sounds good.

Hey. [sniffs]
What, you forget something?

What is wrong with you?

Is this a... what, about the
decaf or the budget request?

You know what it's about.

You think he dyes his hair
to make him look younger,

or someone told him
shoe polish was cool?

[grunts]

[grunting]

[panting]

[grunting]

[both panting]

[chuckles]

[grunting]

[moaning]

[chuckles]

[♪ Hilary Woods: "Orange Tree"]

♪ I am afraid ♪

♪ It's growing inside of me ♪

♪ Golden orange grove...

Hey, Ally-wally.

Lemon.

Mmm, my fave.

♪ I can't make it out ♪

♪ It grows and it grows ♪

♪ Through this nightmare ♪

♪ Grow ♪

♪ I cannot hear ♪

♪ These voices calling me ♪

♪ I am planted with ♪

♪ The orange tree...

It's fun to be me.

[Bruce] The academics
will be challenging.

Friends, activities.

She had a lot going on.

Yeah, more than you know.

What's that supposed to mean?

It's just ironic, you know.

You always wanted me
to be more like her.

Hey, that isn't true.
What are you doing?

You didn't know her at all.

[truck idling nearby]

[engine revs]

[gasps]

[breathing heavily]

You know... [clears throat]

You could stay if you wanted to.

I thought Lennon
came home today.

Well, just saying,
might not be so bad

if she found out.

That we've been secretly
hooking up

- for most of her life?
- Not the whole story,

just that we're together now.

Mm, but we're not together.
We're just f*cking.

You used to want more.

That was a long time ago.

This works now.
It's dirty in a good way.

Not a "put your g*dd*mn dishes
in the dishwasher" way.

Oh.

So Lennon hasn't heard
from Alison either?

Sorry.

- I know how hard it's been.
- I just hope she's okay.

Yeah.

Hey.

[clears throat]

I, uh, always put my dishes
in the dishwasher.

[chuckles]

I'll get that budget
to you tomorrow.

[car door closes]

[engine starts]

♪ ♪

[Bruce] "Lennon was right
about me.

I f*cked it all up.

School, friends.

Anything that ever
meant anything,

I destroyed it.

That's why I have to go,

before I destroy anyone else."

- This is no good.
- Why?

It's what I would say
if I was running away.

You sound sad.

- Well, I am sad.
- If you sound sad,

people are gonna try
and find you

so they can help you.

Why would they start now?

No one's ever tried to help me.

Except Lennon.

You have to rewrite it.

[Alison sighs]

This is so f*cking typical.

It's the last thing I'm ever
gonna say as my true self,

and it's still not
good enough for you.

This isn't about that.

This is about making sure
that nobody ever

finds out the truth
about what you did.

What do you want me to say?

"Dear Dad, f*ck you."

Write it down.

"What kind of a parent only
loves one of his daughters,

and doesn't even pretend
to love the other one?"

"You couldn't stand that
I never tried at school or...

pretended to be happy

just so you could feel
good about yourself. You..."

"You couldn't stand
that I never let you

forget about Mom."

"Remember Mom?

That woman you drove
to su1c1de?"

I would never write that.

It's what'll get the job done.

I know it's what you think.

"After Mom d*ed,

you acted like
she never existed."

"Now you can act like
I never existed either."

"That way you never have to face
how much you hurt us..."

"...or how f*cked-up
you really are."

"Or how f*cked-up I am
because of you."

"So don't come for me."

- [whirring]
- [hammering]

- [Courtney] You got a problem?
- What?

[vehicle approaching]

Lot of cameras.

[clears throat] Better safe
than sorry, right?

[car door closes]

Don't ask me.

Hey, Mr. Grant.

- Hey, Johnny.
- Need any help up there?

I got it, thanks.

Hi, Courtney.

- What are you doing here?
- [Bruce] You may have noticed,

Courtney, this is
a public eating establishment.

I'm actually just here
to see Lennon, so...

- Check the house, she just got off her shift.
- Thanks.

Nice, uh, seeing you both.

[sighs]

[chickens clucking nearby]

[grunts]

- Hey.
- Hey.

What you up to?

Just sitting here, thinking
about puppies and rainbows.

God, I missed you.

[chuckles] Seriously?

Yeah. I mean...

not as much as I miss Alison,
but...

What do you think
she'd be doing right now?

Probably nothing.

You know, it's not like
she had her sh*t together.

You don't really think
it was someone we know, do you?

I don't know.

I mean, I don't know
if we even know them anymore.

Changed everyone for sure.

Except Riley, who will
never f*cking change.

[both laugh]

Wish we could talk about it.

Isn't that what we're doing?

You know, I'm about to
get married, and the man

I am madly in love with
doesn't even know me.

No, I'm sure he does.

I mean, he's literally
been inside of you.

Unless, wait, are you,
are you not a bottom, Johnny?

I'm being serious.

It sucks knowing no one will
ever really know me again.

I guess no one will really
know any of us.

Alison would probably say
they didn't know us anyway.

It's exactly what she'd say.

I didn't know you smoked.

Like you said,
we've all changed.

♪ ♪

[wave crashes]

Thought you were gonna quit.

Makes me feel close to her.

You need to be careful
around people.

I know.

Alison.

Thanks for not burning it.

I am gonna miss her.

[Bruce grunting]

[shoveling continues]

[rooster crows]

♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah...

[phone chiming]

I'm driving.

Good. Drive over here.

I wish. I have to work.

I'm sure you can convince
your boss...

to give you the day off.

[chuckles]

Yeah, sports camp starts
next week.

- We got to get everything ready.
- Ugh!

You're canceled, done, finished.

Better hope the crazy
goat beheader

doesn't come get me.

I'm sure Kyle the security guy

would love to keep you safe.

Or I could come have a sleepover
with you and Coach.

You're hilarious.

You know, I, uh...

I just saw Lennon.

And?

- Oh, what the f*ck, Kyle?!
- Margot?

[phone line ringing]

[Margot] [over voice mail]
Hey, it's me.

You know what to do.

This isn't funny, drama queen.

I'm not coming over,
so call me back.

Eric?

- [door shuts]
- Eric?

Eric?

[Eric groaning]

f*ck! Hey, I'm here!

- Hey...
- [grunting]

[straining]

[cries out]

[pained cry]

[groaning]

[sobbing]

Please!

- [cries]
- [clatters]

Please, somebody!

[winces]

[coughs]

[panting]

[groans] Help me!

- [scraping]
- Please help me.

[cries]

♪ Like him, too,
he my man, he my boo ♪

♪ He my type, he's so cute ♪

♪ I want him,
and I want him, too ♪

♪ I like him, like him, too ♪

♪ He my man, he my boo ♪

♪ He my type, he's so cute ♪

♪ I want him,
and I want him, too ♪

♪ Hop in the whip,
hop in the truck ♪

♪ I do whatever the f*ck
that I want ♪

♪ I'm not a ho,
I'm not a slut ♪

♪ I like to f*ck
and I sure like to suck ♪

♪ I am that bold,
freezy like ice ♪

♪ I'm not a wife,
so talk to me nice ♪

♪ You ain't my type,
I don't like you ♪

♪ You a broke boy,
look at your shoes...

[phone chimes]

♪ Get in his head,
like I am a brat ♪

♪ Play with his balls
when he up to bat ♪

♪ Make daddy real proud,
like I'm Kyla Pratt ♪

♪ I'm taking a shower,
he making the bed ♪

♪ When I leave the city ♪♪

- [screams]
- [tires screech]

[breathing heavily]

[flies buzzing]

[phone chimes]

[screams]

[panting]

A really easy way to smooth out
those heinous wrinkles

and feed your love aura
is with a pink quartz...

[phone chimes]

[phone chimes]

[phone chimes]

[screams]

[gasps, screams]

[chopping continues over phone]

[chopping over phone]

[gasping]

[siren chirps]

[shoveling]

♪ ♪

[chopping over phone]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Whee!