01x03 - A Gorilla Head Will Not Do

[bunniefuu]

♪ ♪

[Bruce] Hey, it's Bruce.

- Leave a message.
- f*ck. Dad.

f*ck! Call me back.

♪ ♪

[line ringing]

Hey, it's Bruce.
Leave a message.

f*ck. Dad.

I need to talk to you.

- [phone ringing]
- Dad?

[phone chimes]

[both panting, moaning]

[Bruce chuckles, grunts]

♪ ♪

[indistinct chatter]

[man] Coach's body's
already headed to the morgue.

[gasps] sh*t!

Clara. f*ck!

[Lyla] [sighs]
No one's found the head?

♪ ♪

[engine starts]

[vehicle door opens]

[crying]

He's dead.

I know.

I mean, how could anyone...?

Did you see it?

We all saw it.
That's why we're meeting

in this sketch-ass parking lot.

Can you not be a bitch
for five minutes?

- I loved him so much.
- We all loved him.

He was my best friend.

I really can't breathe.

Do... Do you think
he was in pain?

I mean,
he got his head chopped off.

Okay, that's really not helping.

- [Margot sobs]
- Sorry.

I can't breathe right now.

[seat belt unbuckles]

Hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey,
come here. Come here.

- [lights clack off]
- [screams] - sh*t!

- Oh, my God.
- What the f*ck? Get back in the car.

- [screams]
- What the f*ck?! What the...?!

- [electricity crackles]
- Dude, seriously?!

[Margot crying]

You came.

[Margot] Johnny's dead.

[Dylan] I know.

I... I got Alison's text.

I can't believe
that c**t k*lled him.

- W-What? Alison didn't do this.
- How do you know?

- Because she's dead.
- [Dylan] Not even my moms

believe somebody can text
from the dead.

I mean, well, then,

someone found her phone
or cloned it or something.

I mean,
someone is obviously doing this

- to f*ck with us.
- What absolute psychopath

would do something like that?

The same one
that chopped Johnny's head off.

Stop saying "chopped
his head off." Seriously,

- so ugly of you.
- [Alison] It's not Alison.

It's whoever put that goat head

in my closet
and has been following me

in that black pickup truck.

You didn't tell me
someone was following you.

She told me.

You told Riley but not me?

Look, I'm telling you now, and
Johnny was Alison's only friend.

Why would she do that to him?

She... She loved him.

That's why.

It's classic psychopath behavior
to hurt

the one you love.

I think we should tell

that sandpaper p*ssy policewoman
what we know.

- Can we not talk about her p*ssy?
- We're not calling the police.

You're un-f*cking-believable.

Are you insulting me?

I just lost my best friend.

We should've gone to the police

- a year ago.
- [Margot scoffs]

- But now that you're in danger...
- Breaking news alert.

We're all in danger.

Oh, too bad.

- I'm not turning Alison in.
- [Riley] Okay, we all agreed.

We're not calling the cops,
okay?

- We can f*cking figure this out ourselves.
- We have to find her.

- Stop saying it was her.
- Then who else k*lled Johnny?

[phone ringing]

What's up?

Jesus Christ.

- [Riley] Hey.
- Hey.

Uh, can I get a ride?

Please?

Sure.

I got it.

[footsteps approach]

How are you?

Amazing. Obviously.

[chuckles softly]

Well, I'm legit freaking out.

I don't think
we should be alone.

You know, 'cause...

Johnny's... dead.

You want to get in?

Homeless people poop here.

Come ki at mine.

[phone ringing]

Uh, um, I'll meet you there.

Let's just sit here
in awkward silence.

[♪ Shygirl: "Freak"]

- Hey.
- ♪ I'm a freak, yeah, I know ♪

♪ Know you like
to hear me say it ♪

♪ Can we throw it down again? ♪

♪ Can we
throw it down again? ♪

♪ I'm a freak, yeah, I know ♪

♪ Know you like
to hear me say it...

Aw. She's shy.

♪ I'm a freak, yeah, I know...

Did you get my cereal?

♪ Can we throw it down again...

Prescription strength.

[Lennon] You know me, I thrive
on a balanced breakfast.

Thanks, Riri.

♪ On the floor ♪♪

Do you
just seriously hate me now?

No.

Can you at least tell me why,

besides the fact that I'm poor
and have bad values?

'Cause that's
legit my mom's fault.

Is it 'cause I k*ll bugs?
'Cause you know

that whole catch and release
thing is total bullshit.

They die anyways.

It's not that thing

that happened in the
bouncy house last year, is it?

'Cause I'm not into you
like that.

I didn't think you were.

Good. 'Cause I'm not.

I honestly just felt sorry
for you.

[Dylan] Good to know.

[Riley] sh*t.

- Who are you? [laughing]
- [laughing]

I was not ready
for my spotlight.

- Always, baby. Always, always.
- I know, I know, I know.

And before you...
What? Oh, nice.

What?

- What do you think?
- I have

no f*cking clue, as usual.

Your mom said
you would babysit Kai.

Sorry, Kelly. She might want
to tell me that next time.

[Courtney] Coach the roach
never picked up his kid.

- f*cking deadbeat.
- Yeah, f*ck that guy.

Him and his f*cking
football drills.

Hi, Courtney.

Hi, Kelly.

Someone got hot.

- [Kelly laughs]
- Thanks.

- Jesus, Mom.
- [Courtney] What?

- He's 18. Totally legal.
- [Riley] Sorry about that.

Hey, um,

want me to help you look
for Alison tomorrow?

Unless you got
some other big plans.

- I got nothing.
- Cool. I'll hit you up.

- [siren whoops]
- Something you want to tell me?

[car door opens, closes]

[man] I'm looking
for Kelly Craft.

[line ringing]

[Alison] Hey, it's Alison.
Leave a message or don't.

- [beeps]
- [siren whoops]

[sighs]

- f*ck.
- [siren whoops]

[turn signal clicking]

[siren whoops]

- [car door closes]
- [indistinct radio chatter]

- Hey, Lennon.
- Hi.

Did-did I do something wrong?

I mean,
I-I wasn't speeding, was I?

Nope.

Where you coming from?

Is this some profiling thing?

What happened here?

It's Red Rush.

Slushy. I-I spilled.

You should get home.

That-That's it?

Your dad's been trying
to reach you.

If I don't go home,
you gonna cuff me?

I mean, I know
you're into that kind of thing.

[engine starts]

[sighs]

[engine turns off]

[engine revving]

[door opens]

[door closes]

[Bruce] That was not cool.

[Alison] Sending
your secret girlfriend

to bring me home?
I 1,000% agree.

[Bruce] You want to be treated
like an adult,

- you got to act like one.
- Oh, you mean like you?

Are you really sure
that's what you want?

I get that whatever you saw
must have been pretty upsetting.

Yeah, gold medal
in understatements.

Well, I'm sure I wouldn't like

what I saw in your phone,
either!

That's why we respect
each other's privacy!

[sighs]

- Are you done?
- No.

[sighs]

Something I need-need to talk
to you about. Um...

It's about Johnny.

I-I know.

[crying]

I'm sorry, honey. Oh, come here.

♪ ♪

[waves crashing]

[watch beeps]

♪ I'm a freak...

[sniffing]

[chuckles]

Like, I swear
to whatever god you worship,

it just takes the edge off.

What if I don't have an edge?

[laughs]

You totally do.
You need to, like, loosen up.

You'd legit be, like,
a f*cking ten if you did.

No way.

[whispers] Let's f*ck sh*t up.

♪ Know you like
to hear me say it ♪

♪ On the bed, on the floor...

[sniffs]

- Whoa.
- [chuckles]

[laughs]
Uh...

That feels good.

♪ Ah, ah ♪

♪ Real nasty,
never take me home ♪

♪ Won't ever meet your mum,
but your daddy's on the phone ♪

♪ Ring, ring, call me up, know
I give you what you like ♪♪

[waves crashing]

[phone chimes]

♪ ♪

[sighs]

[texting]

[Hawaiian music playing]

[woman] She talked about cutting

Coach's brake lines
all the time.

[man] Everyone knows
Kelly did it.

She's trash.

[man 2] He and Johnny
were so sweet together.

And they waited
till Johnny turned 18.

[woman 2] You don't take a team
all-state five years running

without having a big heart.

- [door opens]
- Hello?

Jesus. What the f*ck is up
with you and dumpsters

- these days?
- I was going to use the restroom.

Yeah. Bodily functions.

Since when do you smoke?

Sometimes it just makes me
feel close to her.

How are you doing?

With, you know, everything?

I mean, we just...
We haven't really talked.

I have nothing to say.

You know you want to.

[♪ Shygirl: "Freak"]

♪ I'm a freak, yeah, I know ♪

♪ Know you like
to hear me say it ♪

♪ Can we throw it down again? ♪

♪ Ah, ah, ah, ah ♪

♪ Ah ♪♪

[woman] Everyone knows
once Coach tied the knot,

Kelly'd get nothing.

I call that motivation.

It's keto.

You lie.

Only to the people I love.

Thanks, Harold.

Sorry about your friend.

Me, too.
He was my only real one.

[Bruce] I know it must

feel like that right now.

But, um, well,
you've got lots of friends.

You're the tits, Harold.

No, you're the tits.

[Lyla] g*dd*mn.

[exhales]

You know how hard it was to tell
my kid sports camp was canceled?

[Doug] I love children.

Good to know, Doug.

Seventy-nine percent
of all murders

in the United States
are committed by friends,

loved ones and acquaintances.

Are we still talking
about my kid?

Kelly Craft.

People are talking.

Yeah, I heard.

- [♪ Naomi August: "Sins"]
- ♪ Don't know how to listen ♪

♪ Oh, I used to be a Christian ♪

♪ f*cked a bitch,
now I'm a heathen ♪

♪ And I, I like my sins ♪

♪ And I,
I like my sins ♪

♪ Go ahead, just roll it up...

[knocking on door]

♪ Pour a sh*t and lift it up ♪

[knocking]

♪ Put some lean up in my cup...

You're supposed to knock.

Well, you're supposed to answer.

Don't worry, I know the rules.

Live the rest of my life
as my sister

and use a condom.

That's a good addition,
the condom thing.

So, you...

want to talk about Lyla?

Nope.

Okay. Well...

I-I just...
[clears throat]

I just want you to know that...

it is healthy for adults to...

You know, uh...

...try things.

Did you just Google
what to say to your daughter

when she finds out
you're the police chief's

secret sex sl*ve?

[scoffs]
Uh...

Maybe not those exact words.

Okay.

Well, if you change your mind,

just let me know.

How long have you two
been playing Fifty Shades?

We, uh...

We've been off and on for...

a long time.

Is that why Mom k*lled herself?

I don't think so.

Your mom had a lot of issues
that...

...didn't have anything
to do with me.

I-I didn't really help,

but she was
a complicated person.

And I'm her daughter.

[exhales]
Hey.

I love you, okay?

You know that, right?

I'd never tell Lyla anything.

- Okay.
- [phone chimes]

We're in this together.

Yeah. Noted.

[door closes]

♪ ♪

As a trained observer
of human behavior,

you should be aware.

I saw no signs of remorse

when I informed Kelly Craft
of Coach Eric Craft's death.

Makes sense
seeing as he's her ex-husband.

Public outcry is growing.

I don't care about outcries.
I care about evidence.

Agreed. Which is why
I'm also in the process

of contacting all
the taxidermists on the island.

Okay.

Just covering all the bases.

[door opens]

Hey, Kelly.

Sorry about all this.

- Whatever. He can't read.
- Do you mind

if I come in and talk to you
for a minute?

I just want to ask
a few questions about Coach.

I don't know anything.

Then no harm asking, right?

Come on. Come inside.

Let's go.

Why don't you stay out here.

[door closes]

Miss?

Yeah.

Do you have business
in the vicinity?

Just the business
of living here.

Well, do you mind showing me
some ID to prove that?

- For what?
- [Courtney] Hey.

Shiny shoes.

Stay away from my kid.

I'm not looking for trouble.

I was just asking
to see some ID.

And threatening to sh**t me.

- [phone dings]
- You all see this incel

with his hand on his w*apon?

[Doug] No, I-I...
I made no such thr*at.

I just caught
this pedo piece of sh*t

trying to harass my kid.

There's no need
for that kind of language.

[Courtney] You think
you can just pull your g*n

and everybody's gonna bow down
and suck your cock?

Well, not my kid, pal.

That's not what I was implying.
Rein it in.

[Courtney] Now you're telling me
how to talk? Right here

in my own house?
Can you believe this?

[Doug] No, I'm not.
Please stop filming.

[Courtney] I'm gonna get
his badge number

- right now. Let's read that.
- [Doug] Go ahead.

- It's on the Internet.
- [Courtney] That's 127D.

[continues indistinctly]

♪ ♪

Heard about your boy.

[clicks tongue]

- What the f*ck is wrong with you?
- I'm just saying.

Couldn't have happened
to a nicer dude.

Unless it was him.

Right, Big D?

You and Johnny, grad night, man.

Y'all two had it going on.
And I remember.

[indistinct chatter]

[vehicle approaching]

♪ ♪

[gasps]

- Someone upped her Adderall again.
- What?

No, I was...

- Wait, what are you doing here?
- Uh,

I got worried when
you didn't show up last night.

So you stalked me?

[scoffs]

It's called

consensual following.

I wanted to make sure
you weren't, like,

lying bloody and headless
on the ground.

Right. Cool.
Well, obviously not dead.

Thank God.

I can't stop thinking
about Johnny.

I know.

I wasted all year

hating his perfect guts
over nothing,

and now I'm never gonna get
to see him again.

I just...

I-I don't want the same thing
to happen to you.

Yeah. Me, either.

So...
[exhales]

What's up? Dirty panty handoff?

[sighs]
Um...

I'm meeting my stalker,

- I-I think.
- [horn honks]

That's legit a terrible idea.

- I need to prove it's not Alison.
- [horn honks]

f*ck off, Kyle!

[sighs]
I'm late for therapy.

Just remember that
the same rules apply for K*llers

as for panty pervs:
daylight, public places,

- no secondary location.
- I know. - [horn honks]

I'm coming, assh*le!

[exhales sharply]
Do not die.

I mean it. I will have

a literal Trisha Paytas
breakdown if you do.

I'll be careful.

[phone chimes]

♪ ♪

[tapping key]

♪ ♪

[engine turns off]

♪ ♪

[knocking]

[Alison] Hello?

[rooster crows]

Hello?

- [♪ Blue Makaha: "Lana'i"]
- ♪ Sweet talks...

♪ We dream, they sing ♪

♪ Lana'i ♪

♪ They sing, a day dream ♪

♪ Lana'i ♪

♪ ♪

[screeching]

[rats squeaking]

♪ ♪

[door closes]

[clattering]

sh*t. sh*t. sh*t.

[Dale] Now I got you.

[grunts]

[Riley] That was super sus,
right?

I mean, Dale talking
about you and Johnny?

Dale has the mental capacity
of an insect.

Something smells disgusting.

It's a cave.

Those cops
better not f*cking arrest Kelly.

She's got a kid, and we all know

she hasn't done sh*t
besides be poor.

Hello?

Mr. Fairness
and Justice for All?

You really think
Alison could still be here?

Her name's not here.

Well, yeah,
she's not a part of the cult.

[Dylan] It's not just them.

- It's everyone who d*ed in here.
- Okay.

So whatever freak show
carved them all

probably thinks she ran away
like everyone else.

- She didn't run away.
- Okay, I know.

I was there. I'm just saying

the names don't mean sh*t.
She's dead.

Then why are you here?

To make sure
you don't end up like Johnny.

If Alison wants to k*ll me for
what I did, that's up to her.

Dude, I get it, okay?

You feel bad.

But you didn't do
anything wrong.

♪ I'm a freak in the sheets,
and I go the whole night ♪

♪ I hear they call me shy,
I can only wonder why ♪

♪ 'Cause I get down low,
and I'm always with a guy ♪

♪ Yeah, I can bring a girl,
or I can bring a whole crew ♪

♪ Meet me at the bar, if you
lose me, I can find you...

[belt jangling]

[zipper closes]

♪ Like to hear me say it,
can we throw it down again ♪

♪ I'm a freak, yeah, I know,
you like to hear me say it ♪

♪ Like to hear me say it,
I'm a freak, yeah, I know ♪

♪ You like to hear me say it,
can we throw it down again ♪

♪ I'm a rough ride, you can
only have me for the night ♪

♪ Only good times, I don't
give a f*ck, but I might ♪

♪ Giddyup now,
I ain't gonna wait...

[Alison] So, are, um,

- are you having fun?
- [Dylan] Uh...

Yeah, it depends
on how you define "fun."

- [Alison] Um, do you... do you want to...?
- [Dylan] Oh, sorry.

Uh, no, no, no. It's fine.

- Sorry.
- Sorry to the table?

[chuckles]
Right. Exactly.

Is she not the cutest thing
you ever saw?

♪ Ah, ah ♪

♪ Do me right here
on the floor ♪

♪ Got me right here
on the floor...

Uh, did you want a sh*t,
too, or...?

♪ Do me right here
on the floor ♪

♪ Do me
right here on the floor ♪

♪ Do me right here
on the floor ♪

♪ Do me
right here on the floor ♪

♪ Do me right here
on the floor...

I can't f*cking believe you.

♪ Ah ♪♪

It's my fault
she was in the road that night.

[Riley] I know
that your demented OCD brain

is telling you that,
but it's not.

I could have stopped it
so many times.

No one could have stopped it.

Okay? We all did what we did.

I feel guilty, too.

I thought I saw her
take a breath

when we were leaving the cave.

Wait, what?

I mean, it wasn't real.

I'm just... I'm telling you

- that that's what I...
- [screeching]

[gasps, screams]

Oh, my gosh.

What's with all the screams,
Neve Campbell?

I texted we were coming.

[Riley] Are you f*cking serious?

Sorry I wasn't chill
when I thought saw

Zombieland psycho twin
over there trying

- to merk us.
- [Alison] Dale just tried

- to att*ck me.
- Are you sure he wasn't making a move?

I mean, I know you two were

into those games.

[Alison] It wasn't that.

I saw his truck.

He was the one following me.

And we all know
he clones phones,

and he saw us that night.

And he was pretty sus
about Johnny earlier.

- It's not Dale.
- [Margot] Even if he saw us,

why would he care
if we k*lled Alison?

You're the one
he's obsessed with.

Facts.

Oh, unless it was, like,
this elaborate plot

to send you running
into his arms to save you.

- Très Swimfan.
- I thought you hated old movies.

- [Margot] Only the boring ones.
- Okay, can we

please just focus up
and talk about how

- we're gonna stop Dale?
- [Dylan] I told you,

- Dale didn't do it.
- And how are you so f*cking sure?

'Cause Alison was alive when
we left her here that night.

Riley saw her breathe.

This is extremely upsetting.

She wasn't alive, okay?

Dead people don't breathe.

Just 'cause someone
shits themselves doesn't mean

- they're coming to f*cking k*ll you.
- What about texting videos?

My sister didn't send that,
and I know she's f*cking dead.

Look, I k*lled her.
I hit her with the car,

I put her in the trunk, and
I left her in this f*cking cave.

You think I want
any of that to be true?

You think I don't wish
Alison was here right now

instead of me?

She would tell you all
to shove it

up your bleached assholes,
and she wouldn't give a sh*t

because you are all
the worst f*cking friends.

And she was right.
You don't want

to believe
that it was Dale? Fine.

f*ck you.
I'll go deal with him myself.

Um...

That was a lot.

♪ ♪

[light buzzing]

Hey.

[breathes deeply]

[Dylan] Hey.

What are you doing here?

We finished
bleaching our assholes early,

so thought we'd help you
deal with the psycho k*ller.

[Riley] You're welcome.

[entry bell jingles]

No, sir,
a gorilla head will not do.

I'm looking for a human head.

[man] What kind of human head?

Male. Late teens, early 20s.

- No, we can't help you.
- No?

Do you have another type
of human head?

[line clicks]

- [sighs]
- [siren wails]

[Margot screams]

[retching, coughing]

I don't get it.

[Margot] What's not to get?
What do we do?

[Dylan] Told you
he didn't do it.

Dale was a f*cking douchebag,

but he deserved better
than this.

I mean, who the f*ck
even likes Blue Crush anyways?

Everything is so f*cked!

- Do you think his d*ck was blue?
- Look, all I know

is that he was
the one following me.

[Dylan] That doesn't mean

- he's a k*ller.
- Or he deserved to die.

I mean, what were you
doing there before we showed up?

You're not seriously accusing me
of being shady right now.

I don't know, maybe I am.
Did you see anything?

- No. N-No. I...
- [Margot] Okay, we all need to calm down

and face the fact
that Alison did this.

I don't mean to be rude,

but you always said
she was a psycho bitch.

Okay, even if she was alive,
why would she k*ll Dale?

[Riley] Maybe he caught her
doing something sus

while he was stalking you.
Or maybe she wanted dr*gs.

Tea. Especially if she's been
living in a cave all year.

- That is majorly stressful.
- We need to find her.

[Alison] Dylan. Dylan,

come on. This is Alison
we're talking about.

You don't seriously think she's
capable of something like this?

Did you think we were capable
of doing what we did?

That was an accident.

I don't think any of us know
what we're capable of.

- [siren wailing in distance]
- [Margot] sh*t. The cops.

We need to go.

♪ ♪

[siren approaching]

[vehicle door closes]

[engine starts]

- [door chimes] - [♪ Gordon
Broad: "Waikiki Jungle"]

♪ One for all and all for one...

[Doug] Hello?

♪ Nighttime there's a party...

Anybody here?

♪ Dance, dance, dance ♪

♪ Candlelight and music ♪

♪ Sometimes start
a new romance ♪

[light buzzing]

♪ But when it starts to go...

Hello?

Oh.

Looks like you're
overflowing there, buddy.

sh*t!

I got a 187 down
at the Snak 'n Stuff.

[indistinct radio chatter]

We found what looks like

goat guts in the dumpster.

Let's get it tested.

- Surveillance footage?
- [Doug] It's been absconded with.

But I did find

a felonious amount of dr*gs
hidden in the corn dogs.

♪ I'm a freak in the sheets
and I go the whole night ♪

♪ I hear they call me shy...

[Riley] So, that's it?

♪ I'm always with a guy,
yeah, I can bring a girl...

I'm sorry.

♪ If you lose me,
I can find you, I'm a freak ♪

♪ Yeah, I know, know you like
to hear me say it...

I'm sorry.

I'm-I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

You're not seriously

saving yourself for Alison,
are you? 'Cause...

you know
she's never gonna f*ck you!

[whispers] Let's f*ck sh*t up.

[sniffs]

You know you want to.

♪ I'm a freak ♪

♪ Yeah, I know, know you like ♪

♪ To hear me say it,
can we throw it down again...

Can't f*cking believe you.

♪ Know you like
to hear me say it...

I think I might be a bad person.

You're not actually a good guy,
you know?

You're just a chickenshit.

♪ Ah, ah, ah ♪

♪ Ah ♪♪

[♪ Health: "Colors"]

[thunder rumbles]

♪ ♪

[turn signal clicking]

- Mm, she is ready.
- Mm-hmm.

Is that mine?

Some of it.

She needs a night out
after what she's been through.

[sighs]

♪ Would you ♪

♪ Throw the dead out? ♪

♪ Could you ♪

♪ Throw your body beneath? ♪

♪ It's been so long ♪

♪ Not every struggle ♪

♪ Is one to be proud of ♪

♪ You better hold on ♪

♪ To what is left of me ♪

♪ Would you ♪

♪ Could you
throw the bodies beneath? ♪

- Oh, you like that?
- Yeah.

[moaning, panting]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

Whee!