02x10 - Road to Nowhere

[bunniefuu]

Go outside.

Go outside, Ann.

You coulda got there.

Sorry!

- Car!
- Oh.

If you wanna be good, you gotta work
harder than everybody else.

You have to be tougher.

You have to be braver,

even if you really aren't.

- You understand?
- Okay, yeah.

Alright, let's go again.

- Okay.
- Okay.

- That's okay!
- Okay.

- We got this. We got this.
- Yeah.

God, this place is insane.

John? What the hell are you doing?

What?! I can't hear you!

You should come up.
The doula's gonna be here.

I can't hear you, but go inside!

The doula will be here soon!

Oh, my God!

- You must be Beth.
- Yeah.

- Oh.
- I'm Autumn,

your doula.

Yes. God.

Y-You're so...

I know.

- Here, please sit.
- Oh, great. Great.

Let me just get you comfortable.

Lean forward.

You can just put your head in my hand.

- Okay.
- The full weight.

- Okay.
- Doesn't that feel good?

Yeah, it's great.

Okay. And back.

Wow. Thank you.

- Wow, your skin.
- Oh, thank you.

You're very dehydrated.

I'm gonna get you some water.

- Um...
- Is room temp okay?

Yeah. That's amazing.

U-Um.

So, do I just, like, ask you

questions or?

Think of me as a resource of information

for all things pregnancy

and birth related.

My sole purpose is to advocate for you

and to make you comfortable.

That's amazing.

Wow. This is so good.

- This is just from the sink?
- Mm.

God, this all feels like a dream.

Just this house and you and...

It's just a lot of eye contact.

You're uncomfortable with eye contact?

No! No, no, no. I-I'm, I'm not.

My husband, John, he-he's...

- out there, um...
- Mm.

- ... on the spectrum.
- Mm.

How many people can be
in the birthing room?

Two.

So, that's me and your partner.

Okay.

There's someone else
you wanted in the room.

Well, I was thinking about my sister.

But we're not even
talking right now, so she's...

It's, it's cool.
Two is good. Two's right.

- Yeah.
- Have you been doing perineal massage?

Do you know what that is?

- Perineal is...
- Yes. So...

- With flowers?
- No, no, no.

- Something that can happen...
- Yeah.

... it's, it's not a big deal.

It does happen sometimes,
is tearing, right?

What we don't want
to happen is extreme tearing.

A level...

three to five.

We don't wanna tear
from taint to assh*le

'cause it's,

it's something that's so preventable.

So, you take some oil.

You have to put it on the back
of your p*ssy, right?

You're gonna rub it
on the back of your p*ssy,

so that it opens up, it stretches it.

We wanna improve
the e-elasticity of your p*ssy,

so that it can expand
with your baby's head,

which, to me, looks big.

Ann isn't getting back to me.

Have you heard of perineal massage?

What is that?

Nothing.

Like a massage you get every year?

It sounds like you really liked her.

Oh, my God. She made me so calm.

- Thank you for getting her.
- Good.

Well, I know I don't always

say the right thing to calm you down,

so I figured we should
hire someone who can.

Babe, that's really sweet.

You say the right thing.

- Yeah.
- I'm so glad we came up here.

- I know.
- Look how beautiful this is.

- Wow.
- This was a good idea.

What?

- Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow.
- What? What?

No, no. It's... I think it was, like...

- Oh, my God, your water broke!
- Oh, did it?

- Oh, God. Uh, i-it was like...
- Come on. We have to go.

- ... a contraction or something.
- Should I carry you?

- No! No, stop. Get... I'm fine.
- Okay, okay, okay. Relax.

- Let's calmly walk to the house. Yes.
- Relax. Yes, yes.

- Okay. Okay.
- Okay.

- Wait!
- What?

Fox!

- You see a fox? Where? Just...
- Yes. Three o'clock.

W... Uh, can you point?
That would be... Oh, I see it.

I'm pointing with my nose.

I see... No, I see it. That's not...

- Whose three o'clock is that?
- Oh, that's, that's a different one.

- There was one over there, too.
- That's not...

Okay.

Alright, let's go. This is it.

This is it!

This isn't it.

You've probably got a week to go.

You're just dehydrated.
I'm gonna grab you an IV.

Wait, didn't my water break?

Ya pissed yourself.

Okay.

Babe, I think I-I-I wanna go home.

Like, home home.

I-I don't think I wanna be, like,

giving birth out here.
I want, like, a hospital.

Ya know, machines and
beeping and dr*gs and...

I-I wanna get a sch...
a scheduled C-section.

- Yeah.
- Ya know? Like,

I think that's my...

birth plan.

Then that's what we'll do.

- I'll start packing.
- Yeah.

It's a good birth plan, right?

To not die?

I like it.

Yeah, this feels like the right move.

- Yeah, I'm so glad we're going home.
- Me too.

Oh.

- Oh, sh*t.
- What?

Well, now we're gonna be
in town for Jen's 40th birthday.

It's, like, a surprise.

I feel like we have to go.

It's easy to get out of it.
No one knows we aren't upstate.

I told, I told all them.

- We'll just go.
- Alright.

- Let's go.
- Yeah.

I texted my sister, too.

She's not writing me back, of course.

Oh, my God.

Oh, no, Beth.
Beth, please don't say anything.

- Beth!
- Stay down.

Stay down.

Okay.

Hi, Beth! Is Annie with you?

I... Is Tracy home? I was...
I just wanted to ask her about,

um, joining the Girl Scouts.

Yeah. She's up there with her friend.

- Okay.
- Annie should come over.

How's your mom?

Hi, Tracy.

- Hi...
- Don't talk.

Who are you?

- Meegan.
- Okay.

What happened today?

What did you do to my sister?

Tell the truth, Meegan.

We put thumbtacks on her chair.

And whose idea was that, Meegan?

Yeah, I f*ckin' knew it was you.

I knew.

I just wanted you to know
that your friends are fake.

They're gonna f*ckin' sell you out.

Isn't that right, Meegan?

So, if I hear that you ever
pull any sh*t like that again...

or even so much as give
my sister a dirty look...

I will come over here,
right to your house,

and I will scalp the both of you.

Do you little girls know
what that means?

- It mea...
- Don't talk.

It means that I will come here,

and I will cut off the top of your hair

on your little, tiny heads.

Do you little b*tches understand me?

Do you guys f*cking understand?!

Talk!

- Yes.
- Yes. I understand.

Good.

Now, please consider joining us

in the Girl Scouts of America.

Beth, what did you say?

- What did you say?!
- Nothing.

- Beth, did you yell at them? Oh, my God.
- Put your seatbelt on.

Do you really have
to go away to college?

Oh, my God.

What do you think?

You did it.

I-It's incredible, John.

Well, it was, it was
actually pretty much done

- before we headed upstate, but...
- God, look at this.

... I just had to get
in here and clean up,

and then Cole put the

finishing touches on everything.

Yeah, I see that. This is awful.

Yeah, they squirted all over the place.

Oh, my God. You did it.

Yeah, Cole said that my job
will be there waiting for me

whenever I'm done making
"milk with my titties."

- That's good.
- John.

I'm so sorry I didn't believe in you.

You didn't trust me.

No, I did... Of course.

I-I trust you more than
anyone. I just...

You know...

didn't trust you.

Oh, my God.

- I'm working on it.
- I know. Me too.

What do you think about the place?

- It's-It's nice.
- Yeah?

- You don't think it's weird?
- No.

Thanks for comin' to see me.

You're so fat.

I'm pregnant, Dad.

- I know.
- This is a baby.

- I know.
- Okay.

It's just you look beautiful.

You look like a big, beautiful,

...fat pregnant person. It's...

Oh, my God, thank you.

- You feel good?
- No.

- You look beautiful.
- Thanks, Dad.

How's Flora?

She's dead.

What?

Yeah, she d*ed in,
uh, one of those, um...

those balloons.

She, She, She,

She had an accident, y-you know...

Hot air ball... Like, the movie Up?

Like, that? Like, a hot air...

Like a balloon.

And ya know, one minute you're having

a sexual affair
with a beautiful, erotic woman,

and the next minute, she's gone.

- But she left me an old Buick.
- Oh, that's... Okay, yeah.

- It's not bad. Not bad.
- It's nice. It's not. Yeah. It's good.

- Congratulations, I guess.
- Yeah. Thank you.

I think I'm gonna sell it.

Yeah.

Look at that.

That's the baby.

Wow.

Any day now, huh?

Day after tomorrow.

Do you have any advice?

Nope.

You finish that crib?

- Yep. Poplar.
- Hm.

- What's that?
- Just, uh.

- Nothin'. A little...
- Huh?

Nothing. Just, uh, t-take it.

Love you, Dad.

Place looks pretty good.

- Yeah.
- Pretty good.

- You want food or anything?
- No.

Hey, Jeff, when is Jen gonna get here?

Uh, she was gonna
text when she was on her way,

probably about 15 minutes.

Um, grab some food.
Make yourself at home.

Hey, babe, can you get me
some pigs-in-a-blanket? Thank you.

Hey!

Whoa! Jeff invited you?

Yeah. Yeah, Jeff doesn't
know that many people,

thinks I'm pretty cool.

I'm so happy to see your face, Claire.

And what's different about your face?

I haven't had a drink in nine months.

Me neither.

Mm.

Wow. Oh, there's our doula.

Hi!

- Hi!
- Hey.

- Hi.
- This is Autumn.

- Hi.
- How are you?

- Good.
- Great.

Hey, Autumn, I'm Matt.

- This is my daughter, Claire.
- Hi.

Wow. You have really,

really great energy.

No, he doesn't.

That's gotta be comin'
from somewhere else.

Um, where's the bathroom?
I just have to go wash my hands.

It's right down the hall to the left.

Do you want me,
do you want me to show you?

- Got it.
- She's got it.

- Okay.
- I'll get it. Don't worry. Just sit.

- Oh. Okay.
- Yeah.

- Okay.
- Thanks.

Who are you?

I'm Autumn.

Are you some kinda
counselor or something?

Yeah, sort of.

Are we late?

- Oh, sh*t.
- I'm just gonna use the bathroom.

Hi.

I'm Autumn.

The f*ck is going on?

LaVar, did you set this up?

Uh, I-I don't know
what to say right now.

Why are you holding an envelope?

To tell me how I'm f*ckin' up?

Is that all the things
that I've done wrong?

Oh, Jeff, she's here! sh*t.

f*ck. I'm not ready.

No, this is...

- Jenny...
- You back the f*ck up, bitch!

Yeah, you sit.

Okay?

I know what this is.

You think I have a problem, but I don't.

Okay?

I'm taking my pills

for pain management

to manage my pain.

- Jen, listen...
- No!

I mean, why am I even in pain
in the first place, huh?

Because we went bowling

for Jess's f*cking birthday
with martinis in our hands,

and I hurt my back! Which is, like...

You hurt your leg, not your back.

Well, now it's my back! Okay?

'Cause it's all connected, and the body

keeps the score. You ever read?

Oh, you're here, Matthew?

You think you have the right

to tell me that I have a problem?

You gave me my first pill!

And, God, look at your new girlfriend!

She's

... way too young
for you. That's disgusting.

She's my daughter.

- Okay, well then she's too old!
- Okay, Jenny,

we're here for you.
Th-This is for your bir...

Yeah, I know who it's for.

You think I'm stupid?

- You all think I'm stupid?
- Okay, lady,

I think you have sufficiently
roasted everybody...

Okay, Jess. Ya know, Bryan?

I have a little secret for you...

Hey, hey, that's enough.

That's enough.

♪ Happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday t... ♪

Jen, this is your surprise


- LaVar.
- Oh, sh*t!

Did Denisha tell you I cum too quick?

I'm workin' on it.

No, I just...

I wanted to get that number from you.

I think you said that you knew
somebody who could help me.

Oh, well, I was,

I was just playin'
about the cumin' too quick.

Ya know?

I'm so embarrassed.

I mean, how could I let
this happen to me?

It's not a type of person
this happens to.

Everyone gets addicted to this sh*t.

Everyone.

Especially white folks.

Alright.

Nothing could make me feel better.

Oh. Thanks.

Mm-mm. No.

- No refined sugar.
- What do you mean?

That refined sugar is gonna go

straight into your baby's bloodstream,

- and they're gonna become addicted...
- I think,

I think you're fired, if it's cool.

Yeah, Autumn told me
that it would be normal for me

to shake a lot during a C-section.

That's normal.

I'm bringin' my own pillow.
Do you want a pillow?

- No.
- Just... I think we have everything.

Yeah.

- Okay.
- Okay.

I ordered contactless delivery!

Do you understand what that means?

Amazon Prime for Ann Jones.

It took me, like, 15 minutes

to pick that up,
so I hope it's worth it.

Oh.

Annie.

It's so nice to see you.

- Your little face. Hi.
- Yeah.

Why did you come?

I'm... having a baby.

- I know you... I know that.
- No, I mean,

I'm going, like, right
now to have a baby.

You're in labor right now?

No, I-I have a planned C-section,

but I just wanted to see if there's
any way you would come...

to the hospital with me.

Um...

I don't...

I can't do that. I'm sorry.

- Okay. It's okay. I understand.
- I'm sorry.

I understand. I just
wanted to get to see you...

before just in case
or whatever. Alright.

I love you. I'll see you so soon.

Hold it. I-I'm gonna come.

- Boy or girl?
- We don't know.

Oh, my God. Sorry!

This is not... I'm so sorry!
This is not... This is,

- this is not what's meant to happen.
- New life.

- We're sorry.
- New life. New life over here!

- Is that sandwich good?
- Mm.

Do you know how hungry I am?

But you can't eat, right?

No. Not for 12 hours,
but you eat up. Enjoy.

- Hey, everybody.
- Hi. Good to see you again.

Good to see you as well.

- Hi!
- Hi, Dr. Collins. This is my sister, Ann.

- Hi.
- You know John.

Hi. So, we're gonna take you in
for your spinal block today.

- Are you ready?
- That's, like, the epidural

- or whatever?
- Dr. COLLINS: Mm-hm.

Okay.

And, uh, this is your anesthesiologist.

Oh, my God!

- Trevor?
- Beth?

Come on!

- You're pregnant!
- I know!

Wow! How are you guys?

Good, man. What you been up to?

- You're an anesthesiologist?
- Yeah.

Oh, well, I-I studied this
while I was studying MRI

and I kind of found my calling here.

Do you mind if we all
catch up a little later?

- Of course, yeah.
- Oh, yeah, so right.

So, Beth will go in alone.
Um, and then we'll invite you in

once she's, ya know, open.

- Open?
- Ready... He means ready.

But, he said "open", like...
And you're doing...

Oh, that's just how it looks.

It's wild.

If you can imagine, like, a book or a...

Oh, yeah. Well, it's, like...

John, open your sandwich up real quick.

Yeah. I mean, that's perfect.

I couldn't have asked
for a better sandwich.

- Alright.
- What's that, pulled pork?

I feel like we can close it up. Yeah.

This isn't your first birth,
right, Trevor?

No, absolutely not.
No, this is my third.

Yeah. Ya know, it's funny.

I wasn't actually supposed
to be in today,

but Connor got stuck at
a gymnastics meet.

- That's cool.
- Lucky.

We have a great team
ready for you today,

- so let's go.
- Yeah?

- Okay.
- Baby time.

Okay.

- Love you. Very, very much.
- I love you.

- Okay.
- We'll be there.

- Okay.
- Yeah, it's gonna be great.

- Okay.
- You're not a sandwich.

- If I die, throw me in the Hudson.
- Okay.

- Okay, I love you.
- Love you, too.

- Okay. Baby. Baby.
- Baby time.

Sorry about the sandwich.

What do you want, a boy or a girl?

Doesn't matter. Long as they play tennis

and basketball and soccer,

and they can do the crossword puzzle.

- I-I just sit up?
- Mm-hm. Right there.

Okay, time out.

Everyone, this is Beth Jones.

She's having a caesarean.

She has no allergies.

Family is in the waiting room.

Husband and sister will be coming in.

Hi, Beth. I'm Nurse Camille.

- Hi.
- You're having a caesarean section today.

You're 39 and a half weeks
pregnant. Is that correct?

- Yes.
- Okay. Dr. Trevor,

our anesthesiologist,

will administer your spinal block,

and you'll be numb from the chest down.

- Do you understand?
- Yes.

How have you been?

Mm, not good.

I'm sorry.

It's really nice you're here.

Ya know, it's okay to be nervous.

I bet Beth is sh1tting
herself right now.

Yeah.

I just wanna support her.

Yeah, you will. Just look at her.

I think we have a minute.
Do you wanna meditate?

- Oh, I didn't know you did that.
- I mean, I don't.

I just downloaded this app right now

out of sheer desperation.

Isn't it just closing
your eyes and breathing?

Yeah, I think so.

Okay, arch your back like an angry cat.

- It's gonna go in your back.
- Okay. Can someone hold my hand?

Yeah, well, you can put

your arms around my neck if you'd like.

- Alright.
- Oh. Thank you.

You got this, Trev?

Yeah, yeah. It's just this thing

is scary long.

- It always catches me by surprise.
- What the f*ck?

Okay, is it normal to be scared?

I'm shakin' like a leaf back here.

Alright.

Little pinch.

Okay, the mole goes through the tunnel.

- What?
- Okay. And that did it. Okay.

- That's it?
- Good. Good. Yeah. Good job.

- Okay.
- Okay.

Oh, I'm gonna throw up.
Uh... Mm, it's coming!

The patient has hyperemesis grav...

D-Doctor?

It just means that you threw up
a lot during your pregnancy.

That was true, right?

Yeah, just like 10 times a day.

I'm good. I'm fine.
I'm okay. I'm alright.

- Trevor, are you okay?
- Yeah, just a little...

Got a little spit in there.

Oh, God.

Alright, let's make good time.

Alright, I wanna see my lady friend

in Camden Yards who has crabs.

Not those kind.

I can't believe it.
I'm gonna miss you so much.

You wanna hide in my suitcase?

I don't want you to go.

I know.

Hey, but Baltimore's,
like, four hours, okay?

Four hours away.
You can always come visit me.

- Okay.
- Okay?

Gosh, I wish Annie didn't have school,

and we could all drive you.

It's okay. It's...
It'll be better this way.

Yeah. Well, God, you're my grownup girl.

Just please call me when
you get to the dorm, okay?

- Okay, I will.
- Oh, I love you.

It's okay, alright?
You're gonna be okay.

You're gonna be okay. I love you.

Alright? I'll see you at Thanksgiving.

Okay? I'll come back.

Okay.

We love you.

Drive carefully.

Alright.

Don't worry about it.

- We'll see you guys soon.
- Alright.

John?

- John?
- Yeah?

And you're the sister?

- I'm the sister.
- It's time.

Okay.

Hey, um, I'll be right behind you.
You go ahead.

Okay.

- Hey.
- Hi, my love.

You look great.

- Yeah?
- How are you?

- I'm good.
- All good?

Yeah, yeah.

Where's Ann?

Uh, she said she'll be here in a minute.

Beth, you're doing great.

Um, Trevor, could you give her
something to relax her abdomen?

Um, sorry, I don't, I don't know.

- What? What do you mean?
- What's happening?

Can you give her
something to relax her abdomen?

Wh... Wh... Uh,
I've, I've, I've never...

- I didn't know you could do that. Um.
- Is everything okay?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Can you tr... Can you try relaxing

your abdomen, Beth?

- Have you done that before?
- Trevor?

I-I just...
I don't know what I have here.

- Um, sodium bicarbonate.
- No, no, no.

- Trevor?
- Wh... Why isn't it relaxed?

I'm here, I'm here.

Oh, thank God.

I was this close to screaming, I swear.

Beth, I'm Connor.

I will be takin' over here, okay?

Oh, my God, thank you.

How was the gymnastics meet?

It was fantastic. Thank you for asking.

Thank you, Connor.
She needs to relax her abdomen.

Trevor, you can, you can go. It's okay.

No, no, no! I-I want Trevor to stay.

- Why?
- I forgot to make a playlist.

I want this baby to come into the world

to some great music.

We need music. Can you play music?

Beth, John.

You're damn right I will.

Dr. Collins, you handle
all of this baby bullshit.

I'm gonna DJ the f*ck outta this birth.

Okay, here we go.

Trev, you're crazy for this one.

DJ Trev. Remix!

No! Is this an original track, Trevor?

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've been workin' on...
- I don't wanna hear your music.

New, new stuff for a new person.

I hate it.

Let's get a different kind
of whole different vibe.

So, like, garage-based drop funk?

No, I wanna feel like a warrior.

Tropical reggae.

Oh, no one saw this one coming.

Connor, you got this?

Dr. Collins, is the baby okay?

Baby's fine.

- Gimme one second.
- What's going on?

Connor, you got it?

Wh-What's happening? I'm scared.

Beth, look at me.

- You're doing amazing.
- Yeah?

I'm right here with you.

Okay, that did it.
You got it. She's relaxed.

Won't be long now.

We're about to meet our baby.

I'm ready.

Here comes your baby!

Happy birthday!

Congratulations! You have a baby boy.

It's a boy.

We have a son.

You looked at me the whole time, babe.

The whole time.

You did great.

- I love you.
- I love you.

We have a boy.

I don't know what to do with a boy.

I'll watch some YouTube videos.

Figure it out.

Oh, my days.

We did it.

That was crackers.

I love you both so much.

Amazing.

Maybe just this moment's just for us.

- Yeah. Okay, T...
- Yeah, you two. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And that's actually
what I came here to say.

- So, enjoy the moment. I'll be...
- Yeah. Okay.

I'll turn the music up a bit.

Okay. Thank you.

We have a baby.

Now-Now what?

I don't know.

It's so easy.