02x47 - Life of Pie

[bunniefuu]

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(Kids giggle playfully) (Vacuum whirs)

Owen: Hi, guys. Whatchya doing?

- Dude, we're washing Chef's car!

- Why bother?

It'll just get destroyed by the end of the episode.

- Yup, but Chef said if we cleaned his car

he'd get us a pizza.

- (Happy gasp)

MOVE OVERRRR!

(Whooshes)

All: Whoa...

(Running footsteps) - Well, look at that!

I've never seen my car so clean! I'm proud of--

- Talk's cheap! Where's the pizza?!

- I am a man of my word.

- (Excited panting)

Chef: You want it? You want it?

Owen want a pizza? FETCH!

(Thud)

- OW! Chef?!

This pizza's frozen!

- I promised pizza.

I never said it would be hot.

- Aw man,

if only there was a way to make cold things not cold.

- Yeah, like a...

Hottening reverso'fridgerator!

- (Exasperated groan)

"Oven". It's called an oven.

All we need to do is "cook" the pizza.

I'll put it in the oven.

I'm the only one here with a junior baker badge.

Hey... it's just a drawing.

How have I never noticed this?

- No oven?

Goodbye, cold cruel pizza!

(Whooshing through air)

- Flying kites is scary!

- Relax buddy, I got ya.

(Slices through) - AHHHHHHH!

- Meh. Totally not my fault.

- Oh no, I forgot to cut my sandwich in half.

(Metallic clanks)

(Collapsing thud)

- (Sighs) (Metallic slice)

(expl*si*n, alarm wails)

- And there goes Chef's car.

- Hey, you called it.

(Glass shatters) - DUCK!

(Crash)

- It almost hit the defibrillator!

- The defribi-whatty?

- It's the machine doctors use

to shock your heart back to life.

(Charging whine)

- Uh-oh... CLEAR!

(Zaps!)

- Far out! It cooked the pizza!

- It's beauuuutiful...

(Energy zaps) All: (Gasp)

- You're alive?! - I sure am!

- You can talk?! - Yep!

I speak the official language of whatever country

this show is currently airing in.

I'm Pete. Pete Zah. Nice to meet you.

- Eh, to be honest, we should have seen this coming.

- How?

- Yo, this is wicked.

- Yeah. Let's eat him.

- Ha! I like this guy!

- (Awkward laugh)

Excuse us for a moment, Pete.

We'll be right back.

Owen, Pete is alive.

- Yeah, what're you thinkin', dude?

- I'm thinking we eat him.

- What's Chef's rule about things that talk?

- Owen! That's a pull string doll!

Doll: Hello. - (Sheepish giggle)

- Owen! That's a parakeet!

- (Opens mouth) Ahh.

- (Thuds) Hello!

- (Slurps) - Owen! That's Cody!

- Hello.

- If it talks you can't eat it. - Correct.

Now let's go back and be nice to our new guest.

- So, Pete, how about we show you around?

- Sure! I guess I have time for a taste of school life.

- (Whimpers)

I'm sure if I try really, really, really hard,

I can be friends with a pizza.

I just have to not think about biting into his hot...

delicious... cheesy face.

It's all I can think about!

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- Ahhh... - A-HEM!

(Giggles)

(Seagulls cry)

- Shoo! Shoo! Go! Shoo!

MMMM...

- (att*ck grunt) - OW!

- (Panting) (Bouncing thuds)

(Salivating, panting)

Sorry. (Air whooshes out)

- Owen, I know that was hard.

But I think you're doing really well.

- Way to eat your own h'angries.

- (Sighs) Thanks, guys.

- Hey, g*ng! Today has been a total slice!

But now that we're done...

who's ready to eat me?!

- You want us to eat you?!

- Dig in! Come on!

There's plenty of me to go around.

- What is happening?!

(Fainting moan)

- Why would you want us to eat you?

- I'm a pizza. It's my purpose in life.

Every pizza has a piping hot wish,

an ooey-gooey dream that they'll be enjoyed.

And deliver a smile to people's faces.

- We should've seen this coming.

- You need to stop saying that.

- This was my dad.

Oh, he loved parties.

He only went to one.

Yep, he got eaten!

My grandfather loved traveling and music.

He got eaten by hippies on their way to Woodstock.

Pretty rock 'n'roll if you ask me.

And here's my great grandfather.

He served his country...

by being served to his country.

I just hope some day I get to fulfill my purpose

the way they fulfilled theirs.

- Guys, I think Pete is sayin'

it's his destiny to be grindage.

- What Jude said. Let's eat! - No!

(Effort tugging sounds)

- STOP!

Pete only wants to be eaten because that's all he knows.

- Yeah, for the first time ever, Courtney's right!

- Thank yo--What?

- Pete, let us show you what else the world has to offer

before you decide.

- I'd rather be eaten while I'm hot,

but okay, show me what you got.

- Pete there's soo-ooo much to live for.

Like watching TV!

Woman: I never knew love could feel like this.

So real. So rich.

So perfect.

Until I tried Pizzuvius Pizza!

So ooey-gooey-good that eating it

is the best thing you'll ever d--(TV clicks off)

- I've got an even better thing to show you.

- Welcome to the petting zoo.

Due to budget cuts the only animals we have are...

rats.

Filthy, sharp toothed, cheese loving rats.

- RUNNNNNNNN! (Rats chitter)

- This is a pie eating contests,

they're super fun because-- (Mic squeals)

Announcer: Today's pie will be... pizza!

- (Gasps) - We should go.

- Y'see, Pete? There are so many things to live for!

Right? - There sure are.

And now that I've seen them...

who wants to eat me?! Owen: (Excited gasp)

(Face-palm slap)

- I think it's time we let the circle of life spin.

It's his purpose.

- (Pants like a happy dog)

- Wait! You keep saying it's your purpose;

what if we found you a new purpose.

- Welllll...

- Pete, if you could be anything, anything at all,

what would it be?

- Uh...I can think of three things.

Breakfast, lunch and dinner.

- Let's think outside the pizza box.

- You could be a stuntman!

Give it a try!

(Cannon booms) - I'm too ooey-gooey!

- You could be an astronaut.

- (Toppings whoosh)

- AHH! My toppings!

- You could work here, in the parmesan factory!

(The conveyor belt whirs, splat)

- This is your worst idea yet.

- Thank you. You've really given me some food for thought.

Now how about I be food for you!?

- Tough but fair. Let's eat!

- No! We have to save Pete from himself!

- Whoa... where'd he go?

(Doorbell rings)

- That's weird.

I don't remember ordering pizza.

But I'd be a fool to turn down free mystery food

left on my porch!

- EAT ME! - Ahh! Talking pizza?!

(Rat chitters)

Okay. Let's do this!

- STOOOOP! Sorry, Pete.

But this is for your own good!

- AAAAAAAH! It burns. What is this?!

- Pineapple! Now nobody will ever eat you!

- Pineapple? (Shudders)

Forget that. (Door slams)

- Please just eat me!

- You're a talking pizza. We can't.

If the talking bothers you I can...

(Hushed) I can be more quiet!

(Whispers) Eat me. Eat me.

Eeeeeeat meeeee.

- That's actually much worse.

Jude: Dudes, this Pete guy is totally harshing my mellow.

- I can't believe I'm saying this, but...

maybe if we just had one slice he'd snap out of it.

- But the pineapple. (Shudders)

- I say we refreeze him.

Let someone from the future figure it out.

- Sweet plan! - Yes!

- Okay, okay...

we'll need some kind of coldifying bizarro oven.

- I'll put him in the freezer. C'mon.

- Ugh.

Oh, I'll never get them all off.

And I'll never fulfill my purpose in life.

(Heavy sigh)

- WHAAAT? Those kids didn't even touch their pizza.

Oh, I see why.

Pineapple. (Shudders)

Meh... waste not, want not.

AAAAAAAHHH...

All: (SCREAM)

- (Gulp) Ooey-gooey good!

- YOU MONSTER! He was our friend!

- Really?

Well... that'll teach you to make friends

with something so delicious.

Even with pineapple,

maybe the best pizza I ever had!

(All crying)

- G'bye, Pete.

I love zah, but never loved a zah

the way that I loved you.

(Energy zaps)

- Hey everybody!

All: (GASP) Pete!

- No ghosts in school. Rules are rules.

- Ah! Zip it, pineapple breath!

- I wanna thank you kids for showing this pizza a great day.

And thank you,

Chef for helping me achieve my true purpose.

I'm the happiest pizza who's ever lived.

And the only pizza who's ever lived.

I'll always be with you. (Echoes)

- Aww... All: (Sigh)

(Stomach gurgles)

- Well... he's not gonna be with me much longer!

All: (Laughing)

- What a craa-azy day.

(Toilet flushes)

Jude: In loving memory of Pete Zah.

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