03x03 - Broken Back Kotter

[bunniefuu]

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Chef: (reads) "He held the new puppy and a card that read,

'John, you still need someone to love.'

That night, as he--" (TV show theme music)

What's that noise?

Izzy! It's not TV time.

- Shhh! Watch!

- And now, the nominees for Education Professional

of the Year!

- Education what of the what now?

- Jerry Roomtemp.

Don't let his generic look fool you,

he's as fierce as he is forgettable.

Gunning to win for her tenth year in a row:

Estelle Dellapitzi!

And this year's final nominee,

Chefrey Hatchet.

(Shuts off TV) - WHAAT?!

- I nominated YOU because you're the best teacher

I've eeeever had.

- Well, I'm the only teacher you've ever had.

- True, but you teach so good!

- Not good... well.

- See! You're such a well teacher!

- No, no. There you'd use good.

- I am hating this conversation.

Just be grateful and move on, okay?

- I am! It's a big honour.

- Um, have you never seen this competition before?

- Uh...no?

- It's my favourite TV event of the year,

'cause teachers get destroyed.

- Destroyed?

- Ohhh yeeeeah.

- And here's horrifying footage of last years competition.

(Lions roar) - NO!

No! I'm allergic to cats!

- Ahhhh! It's an award for teaching;

why are they fighting lions?!

(Turns TV off) - Who cares! It's awesome!

They compete in brutal contests

that have almost nothing to do with teaching

and get really hurt.

And this year it's gonna be you! (Laughs)

I am so excited right now!

- Sure, it's dangerous,

and some teachers don't survive,

but that doesn't scare Chef!

I believe in him and he's gonna win!

(Door shuts) Right Chef? Chef?

Chef: How far can I fly for dollars

and ... ... cents?

Wait, wait, you said $

would get me to the end of the runway!

Wahhh! OOF!

(Groans)

I didn't even get to finish that little bag of pretzels.

(Honking)

- Chef, I can't believe you were trying to run away.

- I'm sorry, kids. I can't compete for that award!

- You always tell me I can do whatever I put my mind to.

- That's about wiping your own bum,

not fighting jungle cats! - Pleeease.

You're too big and strong to be scared.

C'mon, we'll help you train.

Don't you want us to be proud of you?

- Fiiine. Let the training begin.

- Got a little truth in my pocket:

The winning teacher's class gets a years supply

of SOUR GUMMIES!

Best candy on earth.

Beth and Leshawna whipped up

this practice obstacle course for you.

Lewshana: First, you tippy toe through pylon alley...

Beth: then launch yourself over trash can hill...

Lewshana: to land in the section we call

the meat shredder! (Engine roars)

- NOPE! Stop! NO WAY!

I'm not doing any of this. I'll break my back!

- NO! Chef! Don't give up!

- I'm sorry, Cody, but-- - (Meowing)

- Aw crud! There's a cat on the course!

Hang on, Chef, I'll get it!

G'wan! Scram!

- (Meowing)

- b*at it, ya no good sack of meows!

(Screeches)

(Shredder whirs, meowing)

ALL CLEAR! - (Sad meow)

- See, Izzy breezed through the course by accident.

It's easy.

- Well... okay.

(Bones cr*ck) AAAH!

Ssssupmynnnozzzze!

- I can not wait for this years competition!

- Let's work on the basics.

Focus on that "trophy", Chef. - You can win me, Chef.

- Cody. Shh. Trophies don't talk.

Chef, no matter what we do,

or how hard how we try to distract you,

do not take your eyes off the prize!

(Blows whistle)

- Got your ears! - Pudding face!

- Knee replacement! - GAAAAH!

OOF! - (Blows whistle)

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- Hup! Hup! Hup!

Ta-da! - Hm. Impressive.

But can you focus during a...

wild moose stampede?

(Air horn blows)

(Thundering running) - AHHH!

- It's going super well.

I'm ready for the sour taste of victory!

- Wow! Amazing! - AHHH!

- Zero flinch.

Looks like the training is paying off.

- I dunno... Chef?

- Hehe, this is fun. - Something's up.

His eyes aren't following.

Oh boy. We broke Chef.

- What are we gonna do?

The competition starts in minutes!

- I have an idea,

but it's kind of definitely cheating.

(Crowd cheers, drones buzz)

Chris: Welcome to the Education Profesh

of the Year competition!

Our teachers are raring to go,

and so are the new drone cameras

that will circle the arena capturing all the action.

First our teachers will show us how quickly

they can get their students into snowsuits...

by putting a snowsuit on a...

(Snarling) a crocodile!

Let the games begin!

There goes Jerry.

- GAAAAH! (Screams)

- Ohhhh, (chuckles) What fun!

We need an evac at competition one.

Man: Be right there!

- Well, it'll be easier for the other contestants

now that the crocs are tired from all that chewing.

And here goes Estelle...

- C'mon, Izzy! Chef's almost up!

- So with these top secret joint manipulators

I won in a chess game against the Secretary of Defense...

every button you push with this remote

makes Chef move. Try it out.

(Slap)

- (Giggles) - Gimmie that!

(Slapping)

Sweet!

Chris: An impressive seconds for Estelle.

And here comes Chef.

(Incoherent muttering)

(Ding) - Chef's done!

But Estelle did it seconds faster and has the lead.

For the talent challenge,

Estelle is combining annoying music

and martial arts.

(Chuckles)

I bet her students pay attention in music class!

And there's an apple for the teacher - nicely done!

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(Bones cr*ck)

(Crowd gasps) - OOOH! Okay...

not much going on facially

but his moves are amazing!

Looks like the judges are giving the win to Chef.

Chef and Estelle are tied

as they head to the final challenge.

- Now you've made me mad.

There's only one top teacher here.

And that's ME!

- Tea... shur?

- For the big finale our two remaining contestants

will race through a course we call

THE SUMMIT OF LEARNING!

It starts with the cubby holes of doom.

Look out for that trash trap!

Then they'll need to cross the g'LOVE HURTS section,

and the piranha pond before climbing block mountain

to ring the End of Day Bell for the win.

- Oh yeah. This'll be like taking sour candy

from a bitter old lady. (Air horn blows)

- And they're off! Careful teachers,

there's nasty stuff in those cubbies.

(expl*si*n) OOH! Underwear b*mb!

Nice block!

Oh! I hope those are clean. - Grrrr!

- Uh oh, here come the rats!

- Ahhhh!

- (Effort grunt)

(Farting)

- Just like an old car,

he's pumpin' the gas to get it goin'.

- Agh!

This ends here.

(Growls)

- Chef's got a tiny lead

as he reaches the piranha pond balance beam.

- The old lady's right behind him! GO!

- GRRRR! RAAA-AAAAAAAAAAH!

(Splash) OW! (Teeth snapping)

Chris: If Chef can summit block mountain

and ring the End of Day Bell,

he'll be the new champion!

(Drone buzzes)

(Lenz whirs) - Uh-oh...

Uh-oh...

- (Gasps) He's being controlled by the little girl!

- Duck!

- Ha ha! You missed!

Duncan: Uh, Izzy?

- Well, that ain't good.

(All scream) (Crocs roar)

(All scream)

(Crocs roar)

- Huh? Kids?

Uh, where am I?

And why can't I move?

(All scream) CHEEEF!

- Kids are in trouble! I have to save them!

Teacher. Strength. ACTIVATE!

Chris: What a twist,

Chef is now going the wrong way!

- Ha, what a chump.

- Ha!

(Roars)

(Cheering)

(Bell rings)

Chris: Estelle Dellapitzi is the winner!

- BOOYAH! Still the CHAMP!

- I'm sorry, Chef, I really wanted you to win,

but I shouldn't've forced you to compete.

I don't even deserve those sour gummies.

- Well, the important thing is that you learned

a valuable-- what sour gummies?!

Chris: Hold the phone viewers:

the judges have decided that Chef abandoning the course

to save his students was somehow

"the right thing to do"

and they've declared him the winner!

(Crowd cheers, fireworks pop and whistle)

- WHOOOHOOOO! All tight! (Turns off TV)

That was the most painful thing that's ever happened to me,

but thank you, Izzy. This award means a lot.

- Oh good, because the winner is automatically entered

into the competition next year!

Chef: NOOOOOOOOOO!

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