03x07 - Carmageddon

[bunniefuu]

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- (Crunch) Mmm. This apple's got crunch.

(Loud metal clang)

(Groans) I know that sound.

(Flames crackle)

Yep. You destroyed my car. Again.

What happened this time?

- Well, Beth melted a toy car with a magnifying glass.

- Then I asked Harold if it would work on a real car.

- Harold said we'd have to try it.

- Applied science is far more respected

than theoretical science!

(Sizzling)

- It sounds like my all-bacon breakfast!

(Loud expl*si*n)

- It turns out sizzling means

it's about to explode.

- Really, it's the sun's fault.

- (Flat) Sure, the sun. Yup.

Curse you sun.

- That's it? You're not mad?

- You kids have wrecked my car

way too often for me to get mad.

- We've never wrecked your car before!

- Are you kidding me?!

You don't remember the hundreds of times you've trashed my car?

- Mmh. - Hm-hmmh.

- Well, let me refresh your memory.

(expl*si*n)

(Hitting thuds)

(Glass shatters, alarm wails)

(expl*si*n)

(Burbling)

(Metal clangs)

- Any of that ring a bell?

(Fire crackles) HEY!

- Sorry. We're you talking to us?

- I think he was telling us about all the times

we "wrecked his car."

- OHHHH, I got lots of examples!

(Chittering)

(Loud stomp)

(Crash)

(Poof)

(Metal clangs)

(Engine whooshes)

- These are great stories but--

- Don't interrupt, there's more!

- Haha! He said smore

and we're roas... ting marsh--

- (Growls)

(Rocket whooshes)

(Explosions)

(Alarm wails)

(Fire crackles) - (Screaming)

(Metal clang)

- Sorry Chef, we don't remember any of that ever happening.

- Really?! Really?!

Well, do you remember this sound?

(Clearing his throat)

My car! My CAR!

My CAAAAaaaAAar!

(Sobbing)

My car....

- Oh yeah. Yup.

- Heard that a hundred times.

(Phone rings) - That's my ring tone.

(Chef as ring tone): My Caaaarrrrr!

- Can't talk. Call you later.

- Fine. We wrecked your car.

But we can't change the past,

all we can do is try to wreck your next car.

- Thank you. I apprecia-- Wait. What?!

- Chef? Hearing all those stories about your car,

I just wanna say...

have you tried parking somewhere else?

- (Angry growl)

I'm done letting those kids destroy my ride.

I read about a new, indestructible car

called "the Cinder Block," and I'm getting one.

- Always love to hear from you, Chef.

As you can see you're our customer of the month.

AGAIN. (Chuckles)

- That's the problem. I need a car that'll last.

I need... the Cinder Block!

- Whoa, you sure? It's our most expensive model

and you've already bought cars this year.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've run the numbers.

- Okay Chef, hold on to your floormats.

Meet the Cinder Block!

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- Woaaaaah.

- Wanna give her a test? - Yeah!

(Metal clang)

Car: Damage Report: None.

- (Vibrating) I'LLLLL TTTTTTAKKKKKEEE ITTTTT!

(Car honks)

(Tires screech)

All: Whoa! Wow!

- What is that?

- I just bought a new ride.

- It's... the ugliest car that's ever uglied.

What were you thinking?

- Seriously, Chef, you're gonna owe us big,

after we accidentally blow this up on purpose.

- Okay Duncan. Go ahead.

Give it your best sh*t.

- What? Whadiddee-? Did he just-?

- I think Chef just gave you permission to destroy his car.

- REAAAALLLLLYYYY?!

- Careful Duncan, Chef seemed so confident and happy.

This feels like a set up.

- Sorry, can't hear you over the sound

of me throwing this rock!

(Clink) Car: Damage report: None.

- Weird. It didn't leave a mark.

(Effort groans) (Thuds, rock cracks)

Car: Damage report: None.

- Huh. Maybe Chef replaced all the rocks with fake rocks.

Well, can't go wrong with paint.

(Paint hisses)

Car: Damage report: None.

- WHAT? HOW!?

Everyone wait here.

(att*ck cry)

(WHAM) Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah!

Car: Damage report: Even less than none.

- I tried everything

and that dumb car still looks brand new.

- Aw, don't b*at yourself up

just because you don't have what it takes

to defeat my new super car.

Hate to kick you while you're down,

but I'm gonna!

I haven't even armed the car's defense system yet.

Hee-hee. (Beeps on)

Car: Vehicle defense mode: ARMED!

- BOOOOOM... is the sound my car won't be making.

Too bad so sad.

- I... I can't even think of a snotty comeback!

I'm losing my bad-kid rep! That can't happen.

I gotta destroy that car!

I need help.

Did you guys hear what Chef just said about you?

He pretty much said if we can't wreck his new car

we're all mush brained weaklings.

- Yeah, he was just talking to you.

- I'm just as upset as you are, Leshawna,

but deflecting won't help.

He's thrown down the goblet! - Gauntlet?

- Who cares what I mean!

Will you guys please help me take another cr*ck

at destroying Chef's car? - Sure.

- Of course. - Fiiine.

- Nothing else to do today.

- Recap: Chef's new car is tough.

For example; this rock won't even leave a mark!

(Whirring, crashing)

- WHOA! It didn't do that before!

- Warning: defense system armed.

Stepaway from the vehicle.

- Did that car just tell me what to do?

Ohhhh, now it's---

(Tire whirs) - Agh!

Okay, Mom, I'm gonna go lie down.

- Touching the car seems like a bad idea.

- So we gotta destroy it from a distance.

- Little to the left. - (Effort grunt)

(Sizzling)

- (Evil laugh) I'm a genius!

It's working!

(Beeping) - Energy absorption complete.

f*ring defense laser.

(Laser blasts)

- This car is scary.

Maybe we shouldn't make it mad at us.

(Calculating beeps)

Car: Hostile targets: acquired.

(Laser blasts) - Too late.

Run! (Laser blasts)

All: AAAAH!

- Chef, your new car is freaking out!

It's trying to destroy us!

- Maybe you're the one "freaking out"

because my unbreakable car is teaching you lesson

about-- (Crash) Car: Target acquired.

- My car's freaking out! Run for your lives!

(Panicked screaming)

Chef: What did you do to my perfect car!

- Quick. To the castle.

Okay, now if we wanna disarm The Cinder Block

we'll need the keys in my office.

- Well, go get 'em!

- It'll be safer if one of you kids go

and I stay here, terrified. - Seriously!?

- I'm not going. Beth: No way!

Owen: What? Chef: Come on now

You can't ask us to go! We're kids!

- OHHH, so just cause I'm the only adult

and I get paid to take care of you

I have to be the one that--

Car: Target acquired. - AAAAAAAAH!

- RUN AWAY!

Ahhhh! (Glass shatter)

Ha! That's enough outta you car!

(Beeping the remote, engine revs)

- Huh?

Why isn't this working!

(Dialing beeps, line ringing)

- Chef baby, what's good? - Nothing is good!

The Cinder Block targeted my kids,

how do I stop it?!

- Oh, see that car never stops

until it eliminates its targets.

Yeah, sorry, but nothing stops the Cinder Block.

GOOD LUCK!

- Nothing stops the Cinder Block?!

- I just thought of something! The car targeted you, not me.

Go hide in the treehouse. HURRY!

- Where are you going?! COWAAARD!

- Speaking of cowards... RUNNN!

(Tires screech)

(Screaming)

(Whooshes by)

- We're safe up here, right?

- Pretty sure cars can't climb trees.

(Tires screech)

- Hostile targets: acquired.

Releasing beavers.

(Munching sounds)

(Saw revs)

(Maniacal laughter)

- Why does a beaver need a chainsaw?!

I guess this is it, guys.

- I'm glad I have friends like you.

- Yeah. (Sniffles) I am pretty great.

- It's me the car wants. (Sighs)

(Whirring)

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(m*ssile whooshes, explodes)

- Oh... - That's right,

I bought another one!

Because nothing stops the Cinder Block.

Now get away from my kids!

(Lasers whir)

Car: New target acquired.

(Lasers blast)

(Loud crash, BOOOOM)

- Wow, Chef. You saved us,

and you destroyed two of your own cars at once.

You're my new hero.

Let's go practice destroying stuff

so we can be as cool as Chef some day!

- All right! - Let's do it!

Beth: Awesome!

(Light thud) (Sad whimper)

Oooowwww!

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