03x11 - Squirrels Squirrels Squirrels

[bunniefuu]

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Kids! Kids! I've got great news!

I accidentally cut off a logging truck this morning!

(Excited cheering)

- Um, how is cutting off a logging truck good news?

- (Groans) And here's Courtney,

takin' us down to frown town.

- (Offended gasp)

- The good news is we now have these

to help us learn how to count!

All: Wow.

- How do logs help teach counting?

- (Effort grunt) - Oof!

One! - Wha-?

Whoaaaa! Ooof!

- Two! Three!

- Great counting, Duncan!

(Phone rings, beeps call on)

- Hello?

- Is it my mom? Tell her I MISS HER!

- It's probably the Tax cops.

- Do you need to get your ducks cleaned? (Quack)

- It's Janice from the School Board, again.

Sorry, go ahead Janice.

No, I didn't realize Log Counting

was banned in public schools. Is that a recent development?

years ago? Huh.

Time sure does fly, doesn't it?

- How does Janice always know what we're up to?

(Annoyed groan)

- Whenever I disapprove of Chef's teaching methods,

I just call Chef and pretend to be "Janice"

from the School Board.

Kids need good teachers if they hope to reach

their full potential.

- ...but in the Northern Hemisphere,

draining water spins clockwise.

- I'm a hemisphere!

(Water flushes) WEEEEEEEE!

(Phone rings) - Hello?

Toilet field trips are also banned, huh?

Cody: I found a chocolate bar!

- CODY. NO!

...so as Cody plummets--

Wait. Where'd your parachute go?

- That mean old squirrel took it.

- (Angry chitters)

- Huh... anyway as I was saying,

when Cody plummets back to earth,

there'll be a point where he can't fall any faster.

That's called terminal velocity.

- I'm a velocity-raptor.

- ROOOOAAARRRRRRRRRR...

(Phone rings) - Hello?

Okay, Janice. I won't do it again.

See kids?

In nature, predators always hunt the weakest prey first.

Cody: I came in first!

(Phone rings) - Urgh... not again.

Hello?

- Chef, it's Janice again.

You can't put kids inside a snake.

It's a dangerous thing to do and--

- A-HEM. - Hello... "Janice".

- (Nervous giggle)

Since the School Board trick won't work anymore,

I was left with no other choice; I bought...

The Cranium Controller!

You know, the one from that TV commercial.

- Hm-hm. - (Effort grunts)

Announcer: Are you tired of people thinking

differently than you do?

Then you need, the all new...

Cranium Controller!

It controls people's minds!

Perfect for: Getting into fancy, sold-out events!

Winning student president!

Avoiding traffic tickets!

And for settling those arguments over pizza toppings.

It's the... Craaaanium Controllerrrrr!

- I know... controlling other peoples' minds is wrong,

but this will help everyone!

Chef will teach better without knowing why

And we'll actually learn something for once!

Plus it has a calculator.

Better make sure I'm using it properly.

I need a test subject.

- (Slurping) - Nope.

- HIYAAH-OOF! Ahhh!

- Nah.

(Crashing sounds)

- Yup. There's one.

(Whirring, laser blasts)

(Poof) - Yes. It's working!

Now, what to get Duncan to do

that he'd never think to do on his own.

(Gaps) Oh I know!

- Your attention please!

- Yay, right on time for an announcement!

♪ Mary had a little lamb ♪

♪ Whose fleece was white as snowwwwwww ♪

(Camera clicks) - (Shocked gasps)

- Wow, it's beautiful and scary at the same time!

- It's stronger than I thought!

Time to turn Chef into an actual teacher.

- Wh-What happened? Where am I?

Was I... singing?

- You have the voice of an angel.

(Beeps on) ♪ Mary had a little lamb ♪

♪ Whose fleece was white as snowwwwwww ♪

- I posted it to Click-Clock.

It's got million views! Oooh.

Don't read the comments. - (Angry growl)

-Codyyyy... - RUN!

- Aggggh! Gimmie that!! - Ahhhh!

- First, we thought it was cute

that he wanted to live in the treehouse,

but that's when we noticed more things missing.

He took my ball and Beth's retainer

and Harold's comic book--

- Yeah, yeah. Squirrels steal stuff.

That's for sure. - Yeah...

Cody: Please! I just wanna be your little lamb!

(Duncan: (att*ck yell)

- Anyway, I yelled, "Stop taking our stuff, Squirrel!"

But he didn't stop. And then I thought to myself,

the only person who can help us now is Chef!

(rings a bell) Oh darn,

there goes my "done listening bell".

Just go find something else to play with,

okay, buddy? Off you go.

- (Sad sigh)

- Oh come on. Now what?

- "Now what" is that your poor teaching methods

have been standing in the way of my education

for too long, old man!

- Ehn. Fair.

- Ha! Huh? Oh no!

Where'd it go?

I'll be right back.

- Sadly, I will be here.

Duncan: (Thwack) Foorreeee! - EEEEeeee!

- Wayda go, Duncan!

That's the highest you've ever counted!

- Come on. Where's my Cranium Controller?!

- Where did it go?

- We're allowed to poop in thesand box again?

- Again?! - Sweet!

I'm off to eat some peaches.

- Mister Squirrel?

Can we at least have our name brand plastic flying disc back?

- (Blows a raspberry)

- (Deflated sigh) Stinkin' furbag.

- (Gasp) Of course!

- Whoa! What a mess!

(Ping) MY WATCH!

(Squirrel chitters)

- Give. Me. MY. WATCH!

(Fighting grunts)

Oof! Oof! (Fighting grunts)

- You! - (Squirrel chitters)

(Whirring) - (Gasps)

(Energy hums)

(Chitters)

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- (Evil) Hm...

- Uh oh. (Laser hums) Ahhh! Whoa!

Ahh!

(Squirrel chitters)

(Laser hums) Duncan, Beth: Ahhhhh!

- Great. So not only will Chef be a bad teacher forever,

but now there's an evil squirrel going rogue

with my Cranium Controller!

Can this day get any worse?

(Angry chitters)

(Sighs) Of course.

Harold: Woo-hoo!

- Hey, Harold. You wouldn't happen to know

anything about dealing with...

(whisper) wild rodents?

- (Loud) Hmm. Wild rodents--(Muffled)

- SHHHHHHHHH! He'll hear you!

♪♪♪

- Ahh, lemme guess, the evil Squirrel

stole your Cranium Controller

and now he's zapping everyone

into doing his squirrelly bidding.

- How did you know?

It happens to me all the time with a crafty pigeon

that lives near my house.

(Pigeon coos)

- Bill? Your son's a pigeon again.

Bring some fries so we can coax him outta the dang tree.

(Loud splat) Aww Harold.

I just washed the car. Gosh!

- Fear not, for I will save you!

Not only do I know where the k*ll switch is on the watch,

I also happen to be a master of stealth.

You see, the secret...

is to cover the noise of your own movements

with sounds of nature.

(Wind sounds)

Ka-Kaw. Ribbit. Ribbit.

And to be fully aware of your surroundings at all times--

NO WAIT!-- - (Laser hums)

- (Screaming) - (Laser blasts)

- Hello, Mr. Squirrel! (Laser blasts)

- (Reads) "And, holding a flamethrower,

she looked to the Alien Queen and said,

'Get away from her you--'"

Hey, where is everybody?

- Uh... they're here in spirit?

- Cody! What do you have in your mouth?!

(Sighs) There's something I probably need to tell you.

I know it looks bad.

But I wouldn't have had to take such drastic

and admittedly, ethically questionable action,

if you were just better at teaching.

- Yes. I suppose that's true. I'm not a very good--

WAIT! DON'T YOU TURN THIS AROUND ON ME!

You're just lucky I know how to deal

with these furry little punks!

- Um... Chef? Are you sure about this?

- Trust me. I went to Teacher's College.

(Tango music plays)

(Claps)

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(Chitters)

(Shy squeaking)

- Thaaat's right.

There isn't a rodent alive who can resist

the spicy allure of the tango--

(Whirring, laser blasts)

(Angry chitters) - (Screaming)

Ahhhh!

What have I done? I'm sorry!

Now you all have squirrel brains!

(Laser whirs) - (Gasps)

This is REEEALLY going to change things...

ZAAAAAP!

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(Evil chuckle, laser blasts)

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