03x33 - Daycare of Rock

[bunniefuu]

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Chef: (Giggles, then clears throat)

Excuse me. So today we'll be... (Small giggles)

Sorry. Today-- (Giggling)

- Okay, what's going on, Gigglepuss?

- (Clears throat) Nothing.

I-I can't tell you!

- Chef, you can tell us. - Do you have a secret?!

- What is it already?! - Calm down, it's nothing!

(All chanting) Tell us! Tell us!

(Megaphone feedback) - QUIET!

That's better. Chef, you have five seconds

to tell us why you're acting so weird

or you're getting a time out!

- What? NO. I'm the one who gives the--

- Four, three--

- But I don't wanna ruin the surprise. (GASP)

- TWOOO...?

- There's a surprise! All: Ooooooo!

- Forget that! It's not true!

- There's no surprise. All: Awwww.

- But there really is!

No there isn't.

It's magical! It's nothing!

Gahh! Oh, why am I still talking?!

- This is very confusing.

- I'm horrible at keeping secrets.

Same for surprises.

Surprises are just secrets that surprise you.

They should be called SUPRI-CRETS,

but the dictionary people told me to stop calling them that.

The point is, I ruin surprises.

But I'm not spilling the beans this time. Nuh-uh.

Now the kids can still look up to me, and admire me,

while I'm sitting in my office avoiding them.

It's rigged with doves for the big unveiling.

I'm doing it at sunset, when the sky's all golden,

otherwise known as MAGIC HOUR!

That's when you'll get the surprise!

Not a second sooner!

- Show us NOW?! - We can't wait! - What is it?!

- No. I can't. I won't! Not yet.

Bad things'll happen

if you know before the end of the day!

I'm NOT SAY'N!

In fact, this tape will ensure that.

(Muffled scream)

- I can't believe he didn't tell us!

WHAT IS IT?!

- To find out what it is,

we just gotta find out where it is.

- Chef would NOT like that.

- Yeah, he said something bad would happen.

- Guys, come on, there's no way the poor guy makes it

through the day without ruining his own surprise.

- So if we find the surprise before Chef can ruin it...

- We'd be doing him a favour by saving him from himself!

- Exaaactly.

(Laughs) That was easy.

Chef's gonna be so mad.

I can't wait!

All: CHAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGE!!!

- What is going on out there?

(Crash through the door) (WHAM!) Yeah!

(Heavenly choir sting) All: (Gasp)

- You can't just burst into Chef's office

without knocking first.

Umm... what's wrong with Chef?

- Chef? CHEF?

(Sniffs) He smells like sedimentary stone...

(Light taps)

Ahh! (Wings flutter)

- Were those doves?

- That's weird.

Doves are always used in magic.

- Chef did say the surprise was magical.

- WE TURNED CHEF TO STONE!

♪ Ta ta ta ♪

(HORROR GASPS) - Cool.

- What are we supposed to do now?!

- More importantly, what do you think the surprise is?

(To self) I hope it's donuts. - And I hope you're joking.

- Yeah, cake would be way better.

- Our teacher is now a ROCK!

- And he's gonna rock out on my tour of destruction.

No teacher means no rules,

means I can do whatever I want.

Later poop puddles!

- Well, if there are no rules then you can't break rules.

You might not enjoy that as much as you think!

- Jokes on you, I don't think.

- Okay, what're we gonna do now?!

- Don't panic; I'll find the surprise.

Oh, maybe he hid it in his trash can.

CANNONBALL!

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(Bat thwacks, glass shatters)

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(Ripping sound)

(Sad sigh)

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(Toilet flushes) (Water rushes)

WOOHOO-HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO-HOO!

Hahahahahahaaa. Eehehehehehe.

(GROANS)

Hey! I just broke the washroom!

Oh come on, get a little mad.

I know you can't yell at me

but could you frown or something?!

Can you at least stop smiling?!

Gimme a time out! Do something!

I can't believe I'm saying this,

but I preferred it when Chef was alive.

(Wheels squeak)

You were right. If a tree farts in the forest

and no teacher's there to smell it--

- That's not what I said,

and I don't care for paraphrasing.

- Just help me get Chef back

so he can see what I've done, okay?!

- And what do we say when we ask someone for a favour?

Hmm? - Fiiiiine.

P-P-P-P-P-P-Please!

- Again. With feeling.

- PLEEEEEASE! Okay?!

- I like the way you squirmed

so I'll help.

C'mon. We'll need Harold too.

Ugh! Nothin' but dead bugs and one flat rat.

Chef sure hid that surprise well. Hmmm...

Of course! It's in the walls!

(Muffled) - Noooo!

- Greetings, I am the Great Alacka Harold,

and this magic potion you seek

holds the power to--Eee!

- This better work or I'll pull your alacka undies

over your alacka head!

- Aren't potions more of a wizard thing?

- (Gasps) I'm in the wrong outfit!

Do I have time to change?

- Just give Chef the potion!

- Ello Gov'nah.

- Oooo. (Giggles)

I don't know what that means.

(Potion pours, foam bubbles)

- I think it's working!

- (Gasps) (Sizzles)

- (RIP) UGHHH! Where. Is. The. Surprise?!

(Thumping) And the noise from that cabinet

is making it very hard to think!

(Thumping) - (Muffled scream)

- (Gasp!) Wait a minuuuuuute...

I should check his car!

(Thumping) - My car??!!

- This was a mistake.

- No. Harold was the mistake. - (Sighs)

- And THAT was your idea.

Hey, you asked for my help and I'm just try--

- You made me say the "P word"!

- I was trying to bring Chef back.

- THIS IS MY LIFE WE'RE TALKING ABOUT!

- Are you two done?

There's only one way to bring Chef back...

lightning. (Bell tolls)

Not you. Actual lightning.

Owen: But there's not a cloud in the sky.

- Uh, the current probability of precipitation is only %.

- SHHH! Watch.

If there's one thing lightning hates, it's kites.

(cr*ck, lightning strikes)

- C'mon, Chef. Come back to life!

(Lightning strikes)

All: AHHHHHHHHHH!

- Meh, it was worth a try. I'm out.

- All the tha-tha-tha-tha things I've done to you.

And I nah-nah-nah-need you back

so I can do them a-a-a-agaheee again.

- A vulnerable Duncan will upset the very delicate balance

of power and characters at this school!

I need to fix this. FAST!

Duncan: (Blubbery crying) - Look away!

You never saw this! GOT IT?! Go on, SHOO! SHOO!

Pull yourself together! This isn't over.

Lightning is for bringing monsters back to life,

not people. For people you need CPR.

- I-I appreeeeciate you.

- I better act fast, he's getting worse.

Remember Owen, you pump twice.

- Got it! And how many is twice?

- TWO!!

Izzy, you follow with thirty chest compressions.

And go!

(Air hisses, jack hammer rattles)

- Izzy stop!

- You're welcome!

- NOOOOOOO-Ho-Ho-HOOO!

NOOOOO-Ho-Ho-Ho-Ho!!

We have to rebuild him! We have to!

- Uhhhh, okay... we can try...

Guys! This is horrible!

I couldn't find the surprise anywhere!

Whoa. What's happened here?

- (Nervous laugh)

- Beth, go get the arts and crafts supplies.

All of 'em!

- It's him! We did it!

Are you okay Chef?

- Yes I am and you're in BIG trouble.

Ohhh-ho-ho! He's back!

(Leg cracks)

He-He-He's gawwwwwwwwwnnn!

(BAWLING)

No more hitting him with a baseball bat.

No more hitting him with a desk.

No more hitting him with a rocket,

or a cement truck, or a--

(Loud thud) - HRMM?

- A typewriter, or an oven,

or your office door.

- That was today. All: (Cheering)

- Wait! Where were you?!

- I was stuck in the cabinet. (GASP) My surprise!

What did you do to my surprise?!

- That statue WAS your surprise?!

- Way to ruin it again, Chef.

- Yes! And whoever destroyed it is in big trouble.

HUGE! - It was ME!!

I did it and I couldn't be happier to admit it!

Now let's talk punishment.

I'm thinking we start with a month of time-outs,

but we'll need more, obviously.

Let's add no pudding, toys, or outside time.

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