Oh god, woe is me.
Ben, what are you doing? Agh!
Jeez, dad!
What are you doing up, Ben?
Oh, I'm just sitting, thinking.
Have you been to bed?
I went to bed and I got up,
I had an awful dream.
Are you sure it was a dream?
I can't remember it,
but it really shook me.
I was gonna come wake you,
but I figured...
You could always do that,
you know?
Isn't there a
certain age that you reach.
Where you can't go to your dad
when you've had a bad dream?
That's not true,
I don't think there's...
Well, maybe you're right.
You know, Freud says
that it's not...
Freud, shmoid, who cares?
Who's he?
He's not some guy like me
who loves you.
That's for damn sure.
Well, what would he say
that my dream was about?
Well, I think
you'd need to give him.
A little more information,
you know?
- You're thinking of Sherlock Holmes.
- Yeah.
You know, you should
get into the habit
of writing your dreams down
as soon as you wake up.
- Why?
It'll give me something
to read in the bathroom.
Maybe if you give me...
If you start me off...
Say anything
and I'll see if it was...
Then maybe it would trigger it.
- Um, garlic?
- Wasn't in it.
- Cilantro.
- No.
I know where this is leading.
- A snack?
- Yep.
Yes!
Hey, dad, you didn't tell me
how your African mask-making
course went.
It's going very well.
And it's not at all competitive,
but I think that I'm winning.
- Yeah.
And I really wish you would
not play with that mask, Ben,
because that's not a toy.
Well, I know
it's not a toy, dad,
but I was up and I needed
to occupy myself,
so I was just...
It's very powerful stuff,
this...
- Hey, dad?
- Yes, Ben.
Please take that off.
I don't want you
putting the mask...
- Hey, dad, look at me!
- Ben, I want you to...
- Ben, it is not...!
- Rawr!
I'm a witch doctor, rawr!
- Dad, it's just me, Ben.
- Yeah, sure.
I had the mask on.
You probably don't remember
some of the things you said
while you had it on, do you?
What did I say?
You said,
"I'm a witch doctor."
- Oh my god, I never wanted
to say those things.
- Yeah.
You know, you can make fun
of this all you want,
but I'm not abandoning
this course,
and I believe very much
in the power of these masks
so you can really channel
other spirits.
When you put on a mask?
- Is that it?
- Yeah.
Or do you just look
really stupid?
Try to get back to sleep.
Let me take the mask.
I don't think that's gonna help.
No, I'm just gonna hold onto it,
if you don't mind.
Well... Dad, don't pull
on it, you'll break it.
Okay, just give me the mask.
You broke it.
You look like a girl
that I've seen before,
or I just...
Maybe it's your name,
although I don't know your name.
Maybe she's not
even listening to me.
I'll test her.
Excuse me,
do you have any matches?
'Cause I'm gonna light
the building on fire.
Huh? Nothing, I
thought it was time.
Could you wait
over there, please?
I'll wait here,
I'll wait over there.
Time and space doesn't
matter to me.
I'm a traveling...
I'm Magellan.
I'm a local Magellan.
I can go from here
to over there.
I consider this rug
like a small pacific ocean.
- Well, can I just ask you a
couple of quick questions?
- Yep.
First of all, have you seen
any other therapists?
Um... yep.
Okay, and don't let
the brevity of my question.
Influence the length of
your answer, you know?
All right.
These are just things I need
to know for insurance purposes.
Oh... I saw one
when I was nine years old.
For most of my year
of being nine,
I saw a psychiatrist.
Was that your idea?
Was that your parents' idea?
It was my parents' idea,
because I have
a tendency to over...
Well, this is only from other
people's angle on it.
You might say
I over-think situations,
but I don't think that
I over-think situations.
I just think...
Not saying that the rest
of the world under-thinks.
I'm not being arrogant,
I'm just saying...
They made me go because
they thought I was over...
Should I just tell you
what the situation is,
rather than...?
Please.
I realized as a young boy.
That most people die when
they're in double digits.
You know, most people
don't die before 10.
And after 100.
So I was nine,
and I was going in.
I was going in.
You were about to enter
your double digits.
Yes, and it was freaking me out.
I was nervous.
I couldn't sleep.
And they asked me,
"What's wrong?"
And I told 'em,
and that's when they had me
go to a psychiatrist.
I don't know
if it helped or not.
I turned 10, anyway,
and it's a true thing, you know?
Is there a history of
longevity in your family?
Yeah, with the older people
there is.
Why did you stop
seeing Dr. Glassman?
My parents thought I was
more relaxed.
And I was more sociable.
What I did
was I faked being normal
to the point of they said I
didn't have to go anymore.
How did you act normal?
What did you think normal
was as a nine-year-old?
You know, helping with the
dishes and mowing the lawn
And smiling and not telling them
what I was really thinking.
Because it says...
Not just picking the cat up
and whipping it through
the picture window.
And lighting the garage on fire.
And drawings with knives
and everything.
I'd show them
the trees and the lake.
"Oh, see, isn't that good?
See, the boat on the water?
Good!"
But my real paintings
in the closet, you know...
- Didn't show 'em.
- No.
They'd make something
look like something else.
I'm not good with analogies.
That was fine.
Tell me your earliest
childhood memory.
Uh... I was, uh,
four months old.
I realized I had
the full power of speech,
and there was a nurse came in,
and I said a complete
and whole sentence to her.
I said, "Would you mind
shutting the window?"
I think my feet
are getting cold."
And her reaction
was so horrifying.
That I realized I'd better wait.
At least 10 more months
before I do this again.
I'll never forget that nurse.
Heather something.
And you?
How about your earliest memory?
Well, that's not really
appropriate, Steven.
This is not about me.
That just makes
my imagination run wild.
Scary.
Hey, there's Mr. Mask, dad,
looking right at us.
What do you think?
Well, for all I know,
this one could really suck.
Thanks.
- You know?
- Thanks.
Well, you know,
it's just a hobby, really.
It's a fun hobby...
And a dumb hobby.
It's just a
wonderfully creative outlet.
Does it light up?
- No.
- Oh.
But masks can be very powerful.
Someone behind the mask can be
whoever he or she wants to be.
Oh, like a bank robber, right?
Well, yeah, I guess.
See, knowing who you are
isn't important.
What matters is
finding out who you can be.
What the hell was that?
I'm quoting my teacher now.
But it's true.
So when you put the mask on,
you can let
the inner spirit out,
because you're not so worried
about inhibitions?
It's a form
of self-exploration,
is what it is.
And really a study
in personal growth.
And discovering who you can be,
and it's really been
an enormous adventure for me.
Dad, you know why people
wore masks.
Hundreds of years ago?
- Why is that?
- They were ugly.
Well, I really feel
like it's changed me.
- Not just the masks...
- No.
The wearing of the masks, but
just the making of the masks,
and using my own hands
to do that, you know?
Sometimes, Laura...
Uh, is anyone else here?
No.
Sometimes when
I'm wearing the mask,
I actually feel...
- Wait... Dr. Katz?
- Yeah?
Is this something that
I'm not gonna wanna hear?
I think so. All right,
I just wanted to know.
Yeah, sometimes when
I'm wearing the mask,
I actually feel more in touch
with my feminine side.
Oh, you were right.
Mark Schiff for Dr. Katz.
You don't have to take sides.
When I was growing up,
my grandparents lived with us,
- when I was a kid.
- Mmm-hmm.
- Grandmothers have the biggest
underwear on the planet.
- Sure.
This stuff is huge.
And all she did all day
was soak this stuff
in the bathroom sink
and leave it floating there
for, like, months.
I'd go, "Grandma, it's alive.
Little bubbles coming up
out of the thing."
This stuff was so heavy,
she would hang it
from the shower rod.
The thing would bend
the shower rod.
All night I'm trying to sleep.
I hear this thing
dripping, like...
I'm yelling, "Wring it out!
Wring it out!"
My grandfather too.
My grandfather came
from the old country.
Where is this place?
And they have stories
you cannot prove.
He told me he moved
to the United States
when he was two by himself.
One of the things...
When I was growing up,
my mother always hated
cleaning up anything
when I was a kid.
She always said the same thing.
"You know, Mark,
I am not your maid."
In my head, I'm thinking,
"Yes, you are.
Somebody's been cleaning up.
It hasn't been me."
You ever get a check
in the restaurant.
- And they leave something
off your check?
- Yeah.
But someone at your table
always gets really nervous?
They always go, "Shut up,
they left the roast beef off.
We'll walk out slow."
Or sometimes you go out
with 8, 9, 10 people.
You get that check.
Everybody gives the money
to one person.
This guy always gets screwed.
The bill's 100.
He's got $4 in his hand.
Everyone's outside,
going, "Let's go!"
You know, one of the great
things about being married
is you learn a lot about yourself.
- Sure.
And you get weird questions.
The other night,
I got up to go to the bathroom.
I walk back in the bedroom,
I'm in my underwear.
My eyes are closed.
She goes,
"Where were you?"
in my underwear?
"Where were you?"
"I went hunting."
You ever wake up
look at the alarm clock,
and immediately start doing math.
To figure out how much time
you have left to sleep?
And I do better math
out of a dead sleep
than I do in the middle
of the afternoon.
You ever wake up and go,
"Three hours, seven minutes?"
"30 minutes,
seven seconds."
Laura!
Laura!
La-la-Laura.
Stop it!
Wow, you know,
I didn't even write that.
I just made it up.
Can you... Mark, excuse me
one second, please.
Hey, Ben.
Hey, what is going on here?
Ben, is this...?
Ben, where are we?
Senegal?
See, already
you're way off base.
You're in my office.
- I have a patient in there...
- I'm sorry!
Who doesn't find this
either musical or amusing.
Was that loud?
- Take off your mask.
- Sorry.
- Did you make that?
- No, I bought it.
I glued the letters
B-E-N on the top.
Ben, did the bongos
come with the mask
or was that extra?
Extra 1.50.
- Hello?
- Argh!
What number did you dial? Argh!
Oh, Ben, Ben, I thought you
were a big, scary monster
for a second.
The mask doesn't work
on the phone as well
as it does in person.
But you knew I was
wearing it, didn't you?
Well, I just assumed...
Wait a sec, wait a sec...
Am I wearing it right now?
- Ready?
- Yep.
No.
See?
Am I wearing it now?
I can't understand you
'cause of the mask.
I was wearing it.
See, when you wear it,
it's a little bit better.
It's liberating, isn't it?
Well, it's not as seeped in
the tradition as yours is.
Mine's made out of a box
and some glue.
Well, Ben, it's
your first homemade mask.
Don't be so hard on yourself.
- And there's a slight problem.
- What's that?
- It's stuck to my head.
- Oy!
Jeez, I wonder how long
the silence is gonna go.
Just take everything in.
Excuse me... do you know
what time it is?
- No.
- Thanks.
Total fake question.
Just needed to check
her hearing.
I have it made,
man, I have it made.
Steven, I'm gonna say
a couple of expressions,
and tell me what they mean to you.
- All right.
"Take it
with a grain of salt."
What does that mean to you?
"Get out of here."
- Okay.
- All right.
What about "People
in glass houses
shouldn't throw stones?"
That always confused me.
You know, if you were
throwing stones in any house,
it would be damaging.
You're two for two.
How would you interpret.
"A rolling stone
gathers no moss?"
Can't.
And this is part of
a cognitive test, Steven:
Can you spell the word,
"World" backwards?
From where?
From where you are.
D-l-r-o-w.
That's plenty.
And I actually don't
believe that dreams
are as significant as some
of my colleagues believe.
- Really?
- Yeah.
I agree, I agree.
There are different schools
of thought on that.
Yeah, there are three
different schools of thought,
and I couldn't get
into any of them.
Yeesh.
- Well, you know what Freud said.
- What?
He said, "It's the dreamer,
not the dream."
Well, no, I didn't know that,
but I did know that he said,
"The dream is the life
of the mind while asleep."
Say that again slow.
You know where I read that?
You know where I got that?
No, where'd you get that?
You know, we got those
new Freud napkins.
You haven't seen those?
Freud cocktail napkins?
What a great idea.
Even if you're making it up,
that's a great idea.
So if someone has a drink
and they have
like a little freudian slip,
you just wipe it up with them.
Yeesh!
Oh, well, you know, the
weirdest dream I ever had...
I dreamed that
parallel lines do meet...
But they're discreet.
Oh, man.
And there was
another dream I had
about a soap opera that
I saw as a kid.
I was home sick one day,
and I used to have a dream
with this soap opera.
- Really?
- It was very scary.
What was scary about that?
- Just the quality of the acting.
- Heh-heh.
I don't know
what I'm saying, dad.
All I know is I'm really tired,
but I can't sleep.
Is it the dream, Ben?
I guess so, but I still
can't remember what it was.
I have a quick flash
of something
that was in this dream.
Yeah?
- You were in it.
- How'd I do?
That's it!
That's it!
That's what the dream was.
The bad dream I had,
that was the dream!
Okay, Ben, calm down.
That was it.
I had this dream that
I was trying to k*ll you.
Well, that's...
You know what that means,
don't you?
Well, it means that...
I'm gonna have to k*ll you.
Jeez, I'm looking
for another interpretation.
You'd better find one quick.
Why don't you just b*at
the crap out of me
and we call it a day?
All right.
Ben, I have dreams all the time
where I'm trying to k*ll you.
Is that true?
Yeah, I think what's important
is not to be uncomfortable
with those dreams.
And just enjoy them
for what they are.
Jeez, but that's
an awfully bad dream to have
about your own father.
Was there something in the dream
that was uncomfortable
for you to see or to feel?
Dad, punch out, will you?
Get off the therapy
for two seconds
and talk to me like a man.
You know what the
most obvious interpretation
of that dream is?
What's that?
You don't like me that much.
I guess...
But I'm not willing
to even consider that one.
I'm gonna go with the more
traditional interpretation,
which is that you really
don't like your mother.
Yeah, all right.
In your dreams,
how do you k*ll me?
I hire an assassin.
Oh, you're such a coward, Ben.
This guy was good,
though, total pro.
You know how you die
in my dream?
Lethal injection.
Do I inject myself?
No, I injected you.
I told you
it was a polio vaccine.
How old was I when
you tried to k*ll me?
- First time?
- Yeah.
from then on.
I cannot wait to go to bed now
and think up a new way
to k*ll you.
- Let's race.
- All right.
- Guess what?
- Yeah?
I feel closer to you, somehow.
You know what?
I feel the same way.
And I'm so glad that we can have
these kind of
frank conversations.
Yeah, I'd never realized
how much talking
about k*lling you
would make me feel so much
better about my life.
And the same goes
for me and double.
Yeah, well,
I double more than you,
because I'm better.
- Yeah.
Just sleep with one eye open.
That's all I'm saying, dad.
- Watch your back, Ben.
- Yeah, you watch yourself.
Good night.
I actually went to see
my doctor recently too.
You know,
I had to get a physical.
I don't know about you,
but doctors have this power.
Doctors can open up any door
and just go,
"Get undressed,
I'll be right in."
Don't you wish you had
that power?
And doctors
make you sit on this table,
with that white deli paper
underneath you.
Mmm-hmm.
I usually bring a little pickle.
I set it next to me
on the table there.
And they give you
these forms to fill out,
put down things like
emergency phone number.
I always put down 9-1-1.
Well, you can't go wrong
with that one.
And they ask you what
kind of diet you're on.
You wanna get 'em nuts?
Make up the most horrible diet.
"Well, doc, for breakfast,
I usually have a dozen eggs,
Then I smoke a couple cigars
and I jog uphill for an hour.
Then I come home,
have a box of salt,
then I get some lard,
and I actually rub it
right on my heart."
I have no energy, doc.
I feel like the life
has been sucked out of me."
I'm Jewish, and I tried
lifting weights,
but the truth is that
Jews don't lift weights.
They say to people,
"Would you help me
pick that up, please?"
A lot of things Jews don't do.
There are no Jewish rodeo stars.
That's true.
You never hear things like,
"Morris Greenberg
out of chute eight!
Go get 'em, Moe!"
With his mother running
behind him, going,
"Get off!
You're gonna fall!"
There are no Jewish
bank robbers.
You never hear things like,
"Oy, put your hands up.
Get on the floor,
get up,
you'll get dirty."
Steven, what about
your sexual desire?
Would you say that
that fluctuates?
Fluctuates from extreme
to very high,
back and forth,
like a rabid sparrow
trying to get out of an attic,
trying to find
the window on the end.
Go, go, back and forth.
Back and forth.
So it's good, then?
It's good and frustrating,
simultaneously.
Are you able to
sustain a relationship
with a woman these days?
The longest relationship
I've had is four months.
With a woman.
Is that ever?
Or is that just over
the last couple of years?
The last couple of years,
they seem to be getting shorter.
The longest one I had
was six months,
when I was in ninth grade.
I went out with a woman.
She was 31,
and I was a boy scout.
I told her I was
in the air force.
She wasn't very intelligent,
but she was something.
- She was passionate?
- Passionate.
She had her own place.
- Did your parents find
out about that?
- Yeah.
When I kept asking them
to drive me to Hanscom Field.
Then they figured it out.
They waited one time,
they saw me, like,
go in the officers' club
and out the other side.
And get into a '72 Chevy
with this blonde woman
who lives in Stoneham.
She was an architect or a
shoe salesman or something.
We didn't talk a lot.
Oops... you know
what the music means.
Our time is up.
Her name is Heidi,
her name was Heidi.
Hey, you wanna put
on the masks and act out?
I'm always up for that.
Let's just do sock puppets.
You're getting so lazy.
I just was sick of
making the masks.
I just figured,
"Put a sock on your hand.
That's so much easier."
Okay, but I call lamb chops.
That has gotta be
the most brilliant
production breakthrough.
You know,
she's parlayed this sock
into a multi-billion-dollar
industry.
That's a sock?
What did you think
lamb chops was?
Holy god, that's good.
I had no idea it was a sock.
I thought it was part
of her hand.
Someday, they're
gonna clone socks.
04x39 - Mask
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A therapist struggles with problems of his patients, while dealing with the ones in his personal life.
A therapist struggles with problems of his patients, while dealing with the ones in his personal life.