05x48 - Metaphors

[bunniefuu]

I've sort of "soft-pedaled"
this whole job thing with you

for the last couple months.

Because I know
how annoying it is

when I bring up
the subject of employment.

This is what I mean
about the coffee.

You have a cup of coffee
and then you want to talk

and uh... that's not
necessarily good for me.

But I thought it was a good time

for you to re-visit
the whole notion of...

What do they call it?
"Growing up", yes!

Those are the words
I'm looking for, because...

You don't quite understand

where I'm at right now.

I guess not.

I'm like an empty vessel.

I am ready to explore,

but I have yet
to find the right...

Crew?

Crew.

I found a crew...

yeah, not the right one?

And they all got scurvy.

So we had to cancel
that little mission.

I think what you're
demonstrating, Ben

is a real...
Self knowledge.

Uh-huh.

But just like the caterpillar...

Weaves it's cocoon.

Yeah?

You have weaved a cocoon.

And... I think.

That you're ready to, uh...

To break free of
the confines of the cocoon...

and become the
big, fat butterfly that...

I was thinking of a gypsy moth.

That's not nice.

Better than a dung beetle.

Ha, ha, ha!

See the problem is,

you're waiting for
something to happen.

You have to go out there
and make something happen.

Waiting? What
are you kidding?

You are like a "catalyst-ic"
agent in chemistry.

In chemistry they teach you
that nothing will happen.

There is no chemical process

until you put in the catalyst.

You need to be that catalyst.

But I'll tell you something,

every action has an equal
and negative reaction.

Yeah.

So, if you don't act,

then nothing negative happens.

You're talking physics, now.

Well, I want to
change the subject.

You're matching me
science for science.

That's correct.

Okay, how about biology?

I will k*ll you

if you don't get out
of this house, you slug!

The slug is a very
resilient creature.

You know what a slug needs,

not unlike yourself?

Is a swift kick
in the ass, my friend.

Slugs have asses!?

Oh, no!

I guess it's true, that slug
does have to go, right?

Of course, everybody's gotta go.

You're damn right.

In fact!

Me first!

Check, please!

Race you to it!

Man, the coffee does
get you going, though,

all over the place.

I wonder what people
used to do before coffee.

If they were just constipated?

No, kidding.

I gotta get a diaper on.

What, that's not a diaper?!

Ha! No!

What is that?

They're just a little
too big for me, that's all.

Hey, little miss sunshine.

Hi, Dr. Katz.

How much coffee have you had?

Uh... pick a number
between 1 and 10!



Go up.



A little to the left.

I've had a lot, a lot of coffee.

You know what
"circadian rhythms" are?

Yes.

You go like this...

I'm gonna start
and you go... "sssssk"

no, and I'll go...
ssssk... no.

Umm, big family.

Yeah.

How many kids?



And you are the middle child?

Yeah, fourth out of eight.

Which is... kinda...

You get kinda lost in the
shuffle sometimes, you know.

We had to wear name tags
at Thanksgiving dinner.

My dad, he'd be like,

"So, how ya doing there...

...Brian?"

I'm doing real good, dad.

So, how... You're
in school, right?

Yeah, yeah I'm in school.

Well, I hope that's going well.

I've gotta move on,
how are you doing, Pat?

Do you start to say something

in the middle of
what you're saying,

you decide to say
something else, completely?

Like, half the words
are out there and then

the back of your head gets
involved, you know?

Back of your head starts,
"Hey, say this instead!"

"Yeah, but
I'm the middle..."

"I don't care,
switch it up!"

These people were
leaving the other day,

and I started to say,
"Take care!"

You know... which
would've been fine,

until I wanted say, good luck.

"Say, good luck!"

"Say good luck,
instead!"

See you later, Brian!

Take... luck!

Take luck and care...
Take... care of the luck.

Good luck taking care of...
The luck that you might have.

If you have luck,
take it and care for it!

Good luck taking care of
the luck you might have some.

You're sure to see them again.

Hey, how did you know that guy?

I don't really know
him that well.

Hey taking care of it!

I thought you said you knew him.

Ah, I just know him
a little bit.

Taking-ughn-care!

Or sometimes... sometimes
you say the right thing

but you say it
at the wrong time.

And feel like an idiot.

Something like,
"You too!"

Right.

I was getting out of
a cab at the airport

and the driver goes,
"Hey have a nice flight!"

You too!

You too, have a nice flight too!

In case you ever fly someday.

Don't everyone look at me,
I'm a moron.

Don't know when to say
the "You too" phrase.

I never learn, you know.

A waitress will bring
my meal, "Enjoy your meal."

You too!

Oh, you don't have one, do you?

I'm a dufus!

I don't know, you know?

I'm always putting
my foot in my mouth.

I met this woman, recently,

and I could've sworn
she was pregnant.

Let me tell you.

I think the rule is...

Don't guess at that, ever, ever,
ever, ever, ever, ever, ever.

Yeah.

So, I said,
"Hey, when's that baby due?"

You ever feel a word coming up
but it's too late to stop it?

It's gonna come up and loud!

Hey, when's that baby due?!

Baby!

What baby?

At the zoo, the pandas!

I knew they were
trying to have one,

I just thought we'd...

Talk about them right now
for no reason.

Do you have a...

...a place where
I can sit

where not everybody
in the office sees me,

where I can just be alone
before I go in there,

kinda like a...
In game show?

You can go in there.

Go in where?

In the broom closet.

Is it... I'm just gonna
go in the broom closet?

Um-hmm.

I just have this thing
I don't want everyone to see...

okay.

Is there a light?

No.

Who's coat is this?

Is this the doctor's coat?

Yes, that's
Dr. Katz's coat.

It's warm.

Is there anybody else out there

since I went in here?

No.

Hey, it's uh...
It's locked.

Woops.

That's... funny.

Kind of.

Hey, Laura...

Is that Dr. Katz?

David?

Yeah.

I hear you, but I...

Laura, what did you do to David?

I didn't do it!

Well, I'm in the
broom closet today

'cause I just felt like,

I wanted to shake things up.

Well.

I wanted to do something ballsy.

You can be ballsy
in the waiting room

like everybody else.

No, I wanna have
my session from in here.

Well, David, this is really...

I'm just taking control.

You've taken control
of the broom closet so far.

Are you dead set against this?

No-no, I'm not
even convinced

it's such a bad idea, just...

hey, is this...
Is this gum,

in your jacket?

Yeah, you can help yourself
if you want, it's uh...

Bubbaliscious.

It is, isn't it?

Uh.

Try not to touch my retainer.

Being in here reminds me
of a... of a very...

Laura!

Hey, Ben, what's happening?

Hi, dad.

Hi, Ben.

Laura!

Laura!

How you doing?

Fine.

♫ Da, da, da ♫

What's up?

What are we doing?

Ben, in addition
to me and Laura,

there's also a patient in the
broom closet, special treat.

Right!

Sure there is.

No, there really is.

Yeah, there's always a
patient in the broom closet!

No!

Hey buddy, get outta the closet!

You crazy!

Come on,
out! Out! Out!

David...

Maybe we should try
a different angle.

When you say my name,

it worries me a little bit,
when you say it like that.

I get the feeling when
you come in here each week...

Uh-huh.

You're like a kid showing up

who hasn't really
done his homework...

And I think that's an issue.

Well.

Because I feel like you're
trying to cover... for yourself,

you're making up problems,

but you're not allowing
real feelings to surface,

because it's one thing
to be happy on paper,

but it's another thing to get
in touch with those feelings,

and that's why
you're here, I'm guessing.

Um-hmm.

So, let me put you in touch
with those feelings.

You have a pencil?

You're gonna give me
my homework assignment?

I'm gonna give
you a home number.

Ha, ha, ha!

Oh, no, not you too!

Yeah, me too.

What?
Me too?

You and your father are
drinking too much coffee.

Yup, the bean.

Yes, I know.

Beanie, bean, bean, bean,

Mr. Beans.

Man, it's good stuff, though.

Hmm.

You know up until this point,

I was strictly herbal tea,

chamomile, rose hip, ginkgo...

sometimes, occasionally,
an "Earl grey".

Hmm.

But now, I realize what I've
been depriving myself of.

I had 4 cups of
coffee this morning.

I tell you, it's like
I am doing something...

With my life.

Right.

You know, like, I feel like...

oh my god, I'm exhausted!

Man, it just hit me.

Uh-huh.

I mean, the highs are high...

But the lows are really low.

Some people come here
because they like the privacy.

They like to know
that for an hour

they're not gonna
get any phone calls.

I don't like you
talking about other people.

I don't like you talking
about other therapists.

Ha, ha!

You asked me, if I'd ever
been to therapy before,

and I told you I'd
been with a woman.

And I don't know how
that would be threatening.

The fact that she's a woman

is not the part
that's threatening.

What'd she look like?

You know what she did for me?

She took my side on everything.

Yeah.

Well, I can do that!

You know what
you're like, honestly?

What?

I think I figured you out.

Great.

'Cause I think
I put it all together,

in one nice, neat,
little package

and so I'm just gonna
blurt it out.

You are like...

Man, I had it a second ago.

Dammit.

It was just on the tip
of my little, fat tongue.

I can't tell you
how interesting this is.

You know what
you're like, Laura?

What?

You're like a big ole'...

Ball of bitch.

That's the only one
I can think of.

What else do I have written down here?
"Milk, milk, lemonade,

around the corner
fudge is made."

Hmm.

I've been taking notes
about you, about other things.

I've just been taking notes.

Ben, what is that...?

- Ben!
- Yeah?

What is that sound?

What sound?

I had a dream that
you were grinding beans.

Oh, I'm grinding beans.

Oh, my god, all my
dreams are coming true.

All of them?

Well, starting with this one.

Hey, what do you...
You get some...?

Hey, you're looking good.

Ha, ha, ha!

Oh, thanks!

Dad!

I've never seen you
grind before.

Um, well, I mean...

Dad!

Ha, ha, ha!

I gotta be honest...

That one, uh...
Hit me hard!

I don't know what to say.

No, Ben.

You got fresh beans?

I bought, uh...

I went to
"The Bean Tree", and I...

I talked to the guy for... it
seemed like a couple of hours.

He can hold up your end
of the conversation.

Making a good
cup of coffee, dad,

is like building a great house.

Yes!

You start with a foundation.

Yes!

And then you
get some... wood...

uh-huh.

And one of those things that
makes sure everything is level.

What are those called?

Level.

And then you build up,

top it off with a roof,

and then you put a paint
job on that

Then you move in.

And then you get divorced,

ugly settlements...

I get custody of the kid...

lets get off coffee.

...and people
refer to food

differently in different
parts of the country

I've come to find out.

I grew up in Miami.

And I went to college in Ohio,

my roommate, my freshmen
year was from New Jersey

and our first night
in the dorm he says,

"Hey, uh... you wanna
go halves on a pie?"

And I found later he meant pizza

but I never heard
that put like that.

I thought the guy
wanted get a pie.

I'm, like, "Well, I don't know.

You wanna get a pie?"

He was all excited...

"Yeah, I figured we'd
go halves on a pie!

And celebrate
and get a pie!"

"Well, I hadn't really
thought about that.

What are you
"Little Jack Horner"?

This guy wanted to get a pie,

so I wanna be
open-minded, you know.

It's my first day in college,

I'm like, "Yeah, okay...

Let's get a pie!"

I like the "IHOP" too, the
International House of Pancakes.

I just don't know
who designed the roof.

I don't know who okayed
the blueprints for that,

but it's a bit much, you know.

It's like a cathedral...

♫ Aaaahhhh... ♫

♫ Paaaaaancakes ♫

and ain't it weird when
an "IHOP" goes out of business,

and another business
tries to go in there?

Yeah, I guess.

There's no way they can
take them seriously.

Oh, tax preparation, huh?

Listen, uhh...

Is there any way I can get a
rooty-tooty fresh 'n fruity?

Like he doesn't hear
that all day long.

Ohhhh, pancake joke!

Yeahh!

We don't hear those!

Well, I didn't know...

Well, we know, okay?

We know what it was.

Hey, Johnny,
more pancakes jokes!

Ha, ha, ha!

Hey, Laura!

Yeah?

I was thinking,

how I could really go for
something hot...

Like a bowl of oatmeal?

And black.

Some tar?

No, I'm thinking more
along the lines of

a nice, hot cup of coffee.

Are you interested?

In what?

In heading out...

Dr. Katz, I don't
make "Coffee runs".

I'm not asking you as an
employer to an employee.

No?

This is just between
you and me, Laura,

just two regular people.

Okay, one regular person...

And you!

Work that charm
on me, Dr. Katz.

Yeah.

Why would I do that?

Well, because I
think that you and I...

and correct me if I'm wrong...

are like two peas...

Don't say "pod".

No, I was gonna say,

"We're just like two peas."

Oh...

Yeah, we are, kind of.

Yeah.

You know, I've really
got this, uh... awful...

Oh, god!

Dad!

I think the acidity...
From all the coffee

is slowly eating away
at the walls of your stomach.

There it goes again.

You are going overboard
with your coffee consumption.

Ugh, man.

You know, the contractions
are coming closer and closer.

Okay, just breathe.

You know what I'm
gonna do though, dad?

What's that?

I'm gonna go to the bathroom.

Uh-huh.

And I'll see you tonight.

How do you drink all that coffee

and not get sick?

Oh! I'm sick as a dog.

I just...

You must've been sick
for a long time!

I haven't felt good
in about 18 years.

I just uh... have different
expectations of how I feel.

Dad, if I feel
this way this morning,

the coffee cannot
be good for you.

Well, you have to
mix the coffee...

'cause I've got a pain,
like, right here.

You see where I'm pointing?

Yeah, that's my body!

Oh, right, besides that,

I actually have a pain here too.

Oh, I see what you mean,

well that is the
coffee eating away

at the lining of your
small intestine.

Oh, dad...

And I say that affectionately,

I know, you love it, don't you?

That's my little boy's
little intestine!

You love my
little one, don't you?

You like impressions?

This is your little intestine!

"Daddy!"

Ha, ha, ha!

I am "wacked" out of my head!

What kind of coffee is this?

That's the good stuff.

I think that's "Jumatra blend".

Yeah, well, let's
never do that again.

Tomorrow morning.

So, are you sleeping better?

Better than?

Me.

Ha, ha, ha!

I'm sorry, David, I'm kidding.

But uh...

Last time you were here

we were talking
about your dreams...

Am I right?

I tend to remember my dreams
when I don't sleep well.

Well, we tend to do
those things in our dreams

that we're afraid to do
when we're awake.

And we're happiest

when our lives and
our dreams coincide.

I used to believe the
kinda thing that you're saying.

You mean the truth?

I'm not sure that I believe

that dreams are
working out life.

Sometimes I think that
dreams are the true reality.

And life is the, uh...

"Similacrum".

It certainly is.

Life is the reflection
of the real reality, which is

when you're dreaming.

Ah, yes.

Yes.

I hate when my car
breaks down, you know?

You gotta call
a tow-truck company,

and I learned
something recently.

When you call
a tow truck company,

you are never calling from
a position of strength,

and you'd better know that
when you decide on

the tone of the phone call.

You don't call up,
Al's towing saying,

"Al, no?
Put him on...

Al, you don't know me,

but here's what
I'm gonna do for you.

I'm busted down out here
in the middle of nowhere,

I gonna let you
drop everything you're doing,

come down here right now,
hook me up,

take me to a mechanic
of my choice,

I'm giving you $25,
take it or leave it.

Okay, how about, you come
whenever you feel like it,

stop, take your time,

take me wherever you want,

and charge me whatever
you can think of

and I owe you an apology.

Okay, I'm sorry Al.

You're right.

You're right.

No, you're right and I'm wrong.

There's nothing else
that can be said except

you're right and I'm wrong.

I'm sorry."

We used to go out to the yard
and look at ant piles.

I could look at an ant pile
for... not too long.

Then you get a little bored
and go, "rebuild".

It's like a power thing,

makes you feel a little better
about yourself.

So, you have a nice little
civilization there, huh?!

I don't think so.

That seems so aggressive.

And you know what's amazing?

When you knock over an ant pile,

they all starting
rebuilding it that second.

You'd think there'd
just be a minute,

where they will all go,
"Ohhh man!

I don't believe it!

Look at this!"

Even if most of them
started working,

there'd be a couple
hanging off to the side going,

"I ain't doing that again!

He's standing right there

he's gonna knock it over again.

What do you think, we're all
stupid little ants?!

Think we're all
stupid little fire ants?!"

Wooops...

You know what the music means.

We're gonna have to stop now.

Oh, okay.

Our time is up.

I was just...

Up!

That's the...
Way it works.

Okay...
I-I-I...

I don't make rules

but I try to live by them.

That's what the music means.

I didn't know if I could...

No, not really.

This is just really important...

We can pick up...

Next time where
we left off today...

Yeah, I understand.

- Because of the music and everything...
- Uh-hmm.

And the meaning of it.

I just have these...

I understand!

Okay...
But if I...

No, you see!

Right, right, right.