03x03 - 141 Seconds

[bunniefuu]

Previously on "Resident Alien..."

Hello, assh*le.

I have Asta on my side, and we
will find out why you are here.

You will tell me everything
that you know about Harry.

- I have him trapped.
- I printed out this still.

This guy in the passenger seat

is the key to our whole investigation.

I'm not getting a lot of sleep,

thanks to the owl outside my window.

You just need to get out of
the house for a little bit.

- I know the perfect place.
- Yellowstone.

I have been trying to learn what
the Greys are doing on Earth,

and perhaps the answer

has been in Mayor
Snowflake's foot all along.

[COOING]

Yeah.

[TWINKLING MUSIC BOX MELODY]

♪ ♪

Hi.

My sweet girl.

Hi.

Oh, my sweet girl.

Hi.

My sweet girl.

[DISCORDANT ALARM BLARES]

- No.
- [CRYING]

Ten more minutes, please!

[TEARFULLY] No! Come back!

[EERIE MUSIC]

At least let me remember this time.

Please, let me remember!

[BROWN BIRD'S "BILGEWATER"]

[LAID-BACK ACOUSTIC STRUMMING]

- [BRIGHT MUSIC]

You had no business dragging
Asta into your mess.

You could have gotten
her k*lled by that alien.

What the hell were you thinking?

I can't remember what
the hell I was thinking

with such an empty stomach.

Should someone turn on the griddle?

That's your problem.

You don't think of anyone but yourself.

That is not true. Other people
will want pancakes.

Also, I'm wearing a shirt and shoes.

Where is my service?

Dad, yes, it was scary,
but I chose to go.

She's okay.

I had her back, like I always do.

We were saved by a 12-year-old boy.

Not if I tell the story first.

I do not understand

why they are so upset about
Joseph nearly k*lling them.

Every being must fight to survive.

Moths camouflage
themselves from predators.

Cacti grow spikes.

Humans are no exception.

They forget they are
surrounded by forces

greater than themselves.

Survival is never guaranteed.

I need to go.

Me and my empty stomach
need to go listen

to the mayor complain about
how his antidepressants

are ruining his sex drive.

I think therapy is supposed
to be confidential.

- Also, nasty.
- I said "a mayor."

Some mayor from some other town,

who hates it when Sheriff Mike
whistles to get his attention.

- [CHUCKLES]
- [CHUCKLES]

Uh, well, some other
mayor canceled therapy

because they're going on a
family trip to Yellowstone.

[WHISPERS] Yellowstone.

Yellowstone!

[QUIRKY MUSIC]

♪ ♪

Okay, now, we didn't get a
match on the fingerprint,

so we got to go back to what we do have.

Now, tell me, what do
you see here, Deputy?

Peter Bach driving the day he d*ed

and a mystery man in a
plaid shirt next to him.

Okay, well, let me introduce you
to our unsub, Mr. Plaid, right?

Look how he's sitting...
upright, prepared.

And what does that suggest?

I'll give you a hint.

- It begins with the letter M.
- m*llitary.

Mime.

That was my second guess.

A mime is a undervalued
physical discipline.

Their posture's active even
when they sitting still,

and you don't ever hear 'em coming.

We might be looking at a k*ller mime.

Or, thinking outside the invisible box,

what if he were m*llitary,
but served a long time ago,

which could explain why we
didn't get a hit on his prints,

because of a backlog
of m*llitary archives?

Now, that's true, but
there's just one problem.

There's no mimes in the m*llitary.

They got "Don't talk, don't tell."

Well, let's take our chances.
We need inside access.

You want to try your
m*llitary connections?

No, I don't want to leave a trail.

Joseph served. We can
have him look into it,

but he didn't come in today.

Well, we should talk
to Detective Torres.

She has connections with every
three-letter agency there is.

Nice try, Deputy.

Think you're gonna make a phone call

and trick us into getting
back together? [CHUCKLES]

- Not a chance.
- It's ringing.

Voicemail.

Hi, Detective.

It's Deputy Baker, over in Patience.

We were wondering if you
could help us with a print

we're trying to nail down.

We've had no luck with AFIS.

- _
- And by we, I mean me,

definitely not the sheriff,

because he has his own life

and he's really... horny?

Really happy.

I mean, he's happy.

Okay, then.

Call me back.

Have you tried writing
with your other hand?

[SCOFFS]

I'm sure... Oh! Well, well, well!

- Hello, Sheriff.
- [CHUCKLES]

Came to turn myself in,

since I broke a few laws last night.

- [LAUGHS]
- [LAUGHS]

Oh, hey, hey, hey, hey. Hey, hey.

- All right.
- Mwah!

Oh, dear God.

- Oh, so Mike?
- Mm-hmm?

Uh, I would like for you
to please meet my mom.

- This is April.
- Hi.

Doesn't she like so sexy?
Look at that ass.

Show him that ass. [LAUGHS]

Everyone thinks that
we're sisters, so...

- Oh.
- People are shocked to hear

that she's 14 years older than me.

Mm! I bet they are.

I've heard a lot about you, Sheriff.

- Hmm?
- My daughter tells me everything.

- Everything.
- Everything.

- [LAUGHS]
- Gross.

- So Mikey?
- Mm-hmm?

I wanted to invite you to my
birthday dinner this weekend,

which will be so much more fun

with my very special plus-one.

Oh!

Don't we have that other
thing this weekend?

- No, we do not.
- Mm!

At dinner, we talk about her dowry.

You drove her off the lot.
You got to pay for it.

Oh! [LAUGHTER]

- Ooh!
- It's spicy margarita!

[LAUGHS]

- Spicy mama-rita!
- Yeah, that's... [LAUGHS]

- Okay.
- Okay.

- Mm-hmm.
- So you'll call me?

Yeah.

You want to go to a
party Saturday night?

No, I do not.

Mm, ah.

Now, go put the rest of your
stuff in your backpack, okay?

Why are we going to
Yellowstone in the winter?

It's freezing there.

Winter is the best time to go anywhere.

Seasonal depression
increases su1c1de rates,

so fewer people are traveling.

We are going to have the
whole park to ourselves.

It's going to be great!

Give you a chance to clear your head,

massage, rest, fresh start.

Hey, Dr. Vanderspeigle.

I heard you're taking
a trip to Yellowstone.

I will be joining you.

Oh, uh, well, it's actually
sort of a family holiday...

Yeah.

Family.

I had a family once.

Two loving parents.

They promised to take me to Yellowstone

to play with the yellow stones.

I dreamed of us being
there together in...

- I want to say nature?
- Mm-hmm?

But the day we were supposed to leave,

they d*ed.

♪ ♪

That's the story. They d*ed. It was sad.

- They're both dead.
- Oh, yes, yes.

- That is so sad.
- Yeah.

Mm.

Maybe we should bring a
doctor with us, just in case.

Uh, I think there are
doctors in Yellowstone.

- Mm-hmm.
- What if you get in a car accident

on the way there?
You both die on impact.

Max is left alone, hungry.

He has to eat the dead
flesh of his parents.

If I'm there, he could eat me.

Not really sure how you being
a doctor factors in there.

Okay, you know what?

It's... it's fine.

You can come with us. Yeah.

Ben's alien abductions
are obviously leading him

to something at Yellowstone,

and I will be right there
to discover what it is.

- Shotgun!
- Oh.

♪ ♪

[BRIGHT MUSIC]

[PHONE RINGING]

Yellowstone Hotel, please hold.

This is nice. It's very charming.

Yeah, definitely more relaxing

than a car ride with Harry reciting

every single "Law and Order"
episode from memory.

Yeah.

Okay, we're alone.

Now, you can tell me why you're here.

But I haven't finished yet!

Then Lennie Briscoe says,
"Well, life is short."

[CHUCKLES]

Because he was short.

Also, he was dead.

I forgot that part.

Come on. You owe me.

I convinced them to let you come.

Okay, I will tell you why I am here.

To follow your father to the
Greys' secret headquarters.

To... enjoy this cartoon raccoon.

[QUIRKY MUSIC]

A raccoon?

What powers the thousands
of geysers and hot springs

here at Yellowstone?

Heat from the volcanic magma
chamber beneath your feet!

- [DISPLAY POOFS]
- Ouch! That's hot!

That was worth the drive.

I read about your hot
stone massages online.

- Can I book one of those here?
- Oh, I'm so sorry.

Our massage studio is closed.

- Oh.
- What? No, no.

I read about it, um, on the website.

It says that it's open year-round.

It is, but we just had a snowstorm,

and our massage therapist
can't get down to the hotel.

Plow won't get up there for a while.

What's the plow situation
with your manicurist?

You're in luck. I do the manicures.

- Ah!
- Oh!

Pierced. You know what?

Actually, I think I'm just gonna
probably be wearing my mittens.

I'll see you upstairs, honey.

- Mm.
- Do you want to see?

That is really neat.

How do you get it through
the nail like that?

[ETHEREAL MUSIC]

[ECHOING BABY CRYING]

♪ ♪

[BREATHING RAPIDLY]

Mm.

[SIGHS]

- Hey, you okay?
- Hey.

Yeah.

Crying baby next-door woke me up.

- Can you hear it?
- Mm-mm. No, I don't think so.

[EERIE MUSIC]

♪ ♪

♪ I'll come along and
butter your part, baby ♪

♪ Don't chew your bread without me ♪

♪ Don't, don't, don't, don't ♪

♪ Don't chew ♪

♪ Your bread without me ♪

[SCATTERED APPLAUSE]

Hey, D'Arce.

Hmm?

- Hey?
- Oh. Hey, Liv.

I need to talk to you about something.

Is this about who made the big
snow penis outside Town Hall?

- What?
- What?

No.

I need your help ID-ing a suspect.

You see a ton of people
come through here.

I thought you might recognize
who's in the passenger seat.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

♪ ♪

No, I've definitely never
seen this guy before.

Not ever, never.

Did you know that "never"
is short for "not ever"?

I feel like I maybe made that up.

Anyway, I haven't seen him.

What about the shirt? Is it familiar?

It's Colorado.

The people here are practically
made of plaid. [CHUCKLES]

Did that guy just leave
and forget his...

martini shaker?

Yep.

It's definitely his.

I'm just gonna...

- Heyo.
- Hey.

I couldn't help but overhear,
because I was listening.

- Oh.
- I hope the case isn't too dangerous.

- Oh.
- 'Cause I worry about Mike, you know?

Cop's old lady.

- You know how it is. It's like...
- Nope.

Every time the phone rings,
is this gonna be the call?

It's scary.

Hey, I need you to give
him a message from me.

Okay.

[CHUCKLES] Oh.

[UPBEAT MUSIC]

♪ ♪

[CHUCKLES]

♪ ♪

Hey. How was your date the other night?

It didn't look like
it was going so well.

Yeah, not good. Uh, he was barely human.

Okay. Well, good. I'm glad.

Because that means you
might be free Saturday.

There's a scare-a-thon
double horror feature.

- I thought we could go together.
- Yes! I'd love that.

Except I have to work a double Saturday.

sh**t. I'm sorry.

That's okay. Um, no worries.

- Another time.
- Okay.

Thanks for asking.

Jay!

Oh, my God! Get in here!

You guys hanging out?
I love that for us.

I'd love to join, but I can't.
I gotta take a rain check.

- Sorry.
- All right.

We got a code red.

Whoa! Maybe don't say that.

A lot of things happen when
someone yells that here.

[SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC]

Mike and Liv are onto Harry
for the alien tracker's m*rder.

- What?
- Yeah.

Liv has a picture of him in the van.

Well, not all of him, but his shirt.

You know Liv.

She'll just go closet to closet
to closet till she finds it.

Oh, God. We need to warn Harry.

Oh, sh*t, he's out of town. Um...

- I will call him.
- Are you crazy?

Hey! Whoa, hey! What are you doing?

- Oh, my God!
- No, no, no! No!

Look, I'm covering your ass.

If Harry's in the crosshairs
for this investigation,

they'll subpoena his phone.

They'll see your text messages,

and then they'll subpoena your phone,

and then bam!

You'll go down with him.

You do know that the police
don't need the actual phone

to retrieve digital
records on it, right?

That's a good point.

[KNOCKING]

I think someone's in the closet.

Well, that's the connecting door
to the room we're not using

because nobody from our
family is in that room.

[KNOCKING]

Not using that door!

This one is closer!

Nope, uh, that door is
the family door, okay?

I will meet you at the
normal person door.

[KNOCKING INTENSELY]

God!

[QUIRKY MUSIC]

I broke a nail!

I... I would like to trade

these disgusting fruit
teas for some coffee.

There is none in my room.

You, uh, feeling a bit of a draft there?

Yes, yes.

The cold air on my underparts
keeps my scrotum taut.

Okay, well, I don't really want to know

what's going on with your scrotum.

Would you mind closing
your robe, please?

Mm.

Uh, we don't have any
coffee in here either.

One of the trucks got snowed
in, along with half of the staff

because apparently this is the first
winter it's ever snowed here.

There is fresh coffee in
the lobby, though, so...

I will go get coffee

once I know what we
are doing for the day.

Uh, we?

Oh, I cannot be alone!

I'm sad again because of dead parents.

May they rest in one piece.

That is sad.

- How did they die?
- Max, be nice.

I'm sorry.

Dr. Vanderspeigle, of course.

Of course, you can come with us.

You know, I was thinking that
we could try snowshoeing.

No. Ben needs to decide.

Here.

Oh, um...

Let your intuition be your guide.

Tell your intuition to be specific.

Uh...

- How about a snowcat tour?
- Yeah.

That did not sound like Ben's voice.

Okay, why don't we just do Old Faithful?

- That's a great place to start.
- Sure. Old Faithful.

Wait, are you saying that
because your wife said it

or because you want to do it?

I want to do it because Kate said it,

and I like it when she's happy.

That's an awful way to live.

Close your eyes.

- Close them shut.
- Mm.

What do you see?

A beam in an old barn,

and I am putting my head
through a circle made of rope.

- Honey.
- I already said Old Faithful.

[GRUNTS]

- Cool.
- Sounds fun.

- I'm excited.
- I'm exhausted.

[SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC]

Okay, the coast is clear.

Okay, thank you, Dad.

I told you you didn't have to
come. It's just Harry's cabin.

- It's safe.
- We don't know that.

The guy had a Grey Hybrid after him.

Who knows what's coming for him today?

Plus, he nicked my fishing pole.

- I want it back.
- Okay.

How does an alien even
afford a cabin on the lake?

More importantly, who gets
it when he goes home

or, you know, when the bat alien...

Can we focus, please? Okay?

Mike and Liv are probably
on their way already,

looking for that plaid shirt.

[SIGHS] I mean...

Ooh.

Ha! [CHUCKLES]

What's he, the Brawny paper towel man?

Whoa.

Look at all that plaid.

Okay, what color was it?

Picture was black and white.

[QUIRKY MUSIC]

Looks like we're gonna
have to burn them all.

Planets are alive.

[SOARING ORCHESTRAL MUSIC]

On Planet Earth, volcanoes,
forest fires, and earthquakes

are just some of it's natural processes.

♪ ♪

They are all necessary
for Earth's survival,

even if they take out a few
million people now and then.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

♪ ♪

Water fills the chamber
beneath the geyser,

and eventually, the water
becomes hot enough to vaporize,

triggering the massive eruption.

Hey!

- Where you been? You missed it.
- Oh, that's okay.

I saw it on TV once. I think.

The mayor obviously does
not care about this.

As I feared, Old Faithful
is not what drew him here.

Hey, Dad, where did you get that hat?

Oh, you like it?

I just bought it off a guy back there.

You bought a hat off a stranger?

Well, not just any hat.
It's Sullivan Gravel Company.

They've been around for, like, 70 years.

- But was it on his head?
- You're missing the point.

Gravel is one of the most
important building materials

- in the whole world.
- Gravel is big dirt.

Much more complex than that.

Without gravel, we couldn't live.

I prefer not living
to this conversation.

Let me look at your map.

Is there anywhere on here
you feel like going next?

How about a shower?

My head is getting a little itchy.

This thing might be wool.

Uh, maybe it just came
off a stranger's head.

That is why the mayor was
compelled to come here...

Sullivan Gravel.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

- Still no sign of Mr. Plaid?
- Nothing.

I've seen Ms. Polka Dot,
Professor Ugly Boots,

and I just got a real good
look at Deputy Can't Park.

I only hit the curb once,

and it was just because I was distracted

by a pigeon with a limp.

Poor thing.

And then I almost hit the pigeon.

Don't worry about limping pigeons.

Over time, they've developed
the ability to fake ankle injuries

to get more bread from people.

It's sad. It used to be
such a proud bird.

- Oh, and I saw your grandma.
- Nana?

- Where?
- No, no.

Calm down, Deputy. She's gone.

Sure moves fast for an old lady,

more like a skitter.

[PHONE RINGING]

Hi, Lena.

Yeah.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

He's good.

He's here right now.

He farted earlier.

What the...

I know, but he looks so cute
in that sweater you got him.

[QUIRKY MUSIC]

I appreciate it.

Talk soon.

Yes! She has a contact
that can run the print

through a more comprehensive
m*llitary database.

Good. That's good.

[CLEARS THROAT]

I'm sorry she didn't ask about you.

No, no, it's fine.
I don't care about that,

so long as the case is moving forward.

You made the paper, Deputy.

"To protect and serve?" Question mark?

It's always that question
mark that's the k*ller.

Oh, no.

The reporter saw my interview
in the alien documentary.

- Ugh.
- "Deputy Olivia Baker's obsession

"with UFOs isn't contained
to her off-duty life.

"Photos online show Baker in uniform,

"posing with the late Peter Bach,

"a popular alien conspiracy theorist.

"There is no telling
what UFO conspiracies

Baker might be using our
tax dollars to investigate"?

"Olivia is a liar and has
been a liar her whole life,

says source close to Baker."

Jesus, this is bad.

He even hinted at our
secret investigation.

Listen, Deputy, if I have
taught you one thing,

it's that this job is all about control.

- Really?
- Mm-hmm.

And you're a master of control?

Well, I mean, more of a Jedi,

- but I'm working towards master.
- Wow.

Well, guess who this is from, Jedi?

Ooh! Okay.

Uh, in my defense, I was drunk,

and... and she smelled like vanilla.
I don't mean vanilla perfume.

I mean, like a damn cake, and
it just caught me off guard,

and I was so hungry.

I know! Look, I like Judy.

I mean, she's cute and kooky,

and actually, she's really sweet
in her own kind of weird way,

but yes, no, I should not
have... have done that.

♪ ♪

I'm gonna... I'ma write her back, and...

just... you know what?

I am going to talk to her in-person.

- Mm-hmm.
- 'Cause... just because.

[GILLIAN WELCH'S "EVERYTHING IS FREE]"

[MELLOW ACOUSTIC MUSIC]

♪ ♪

Hey. Hot chocolate.

- Ooh, very hot.
- Mm, thanks.

♪ Everything is free ♪

♪ That's what they say ♪

♪ Everything I ever done ♪

I'm glad I know.

Huh?

About Harry.

I don't want you to have to
do all this alone anymore.

♪ Someone hit the big score ♪

♪ ♪

Thank you.

[CHUCKLES]

Let's take turns. It is so cold.

- No.
- I can take over for a bit.

No, hey.

No, I got it.

Okay.

Oh, that... one wasn't plaid.

Oh, yeah, I just...
I really hate that one.

[LAUGHS]

Sorry, Harry.

- There it goes.
- [CHUCKLES]

♪ ♪

♪ I can get a tip jar ♪

Can you believe this?

All this stuff is from the diner.

Two plates, three coffee cups...

I mean, who steals a coffee pot?

[CHUCKLES]

I used to think Harry didn't
know how the world works,

and now I just think he's klepto.

Why don't you just sit down and relax,

or go out and enjoy the fire?

I have to get rid of any
sign of the alien tracker.

He could have drank from
one of these. Who knows?

♪ Never minded working hard ♪

- Dad?
- Sit.

♪ ♪

Okay.

Relax.

♪ That's what they say ♪

[SIGHS]

♪ Everything I ever done ♪

When I first got back from Vietnam,

I just always felt like
there was some emergency

I had to get to.

I existed in a world of chaos and dread.

Trauma.

And the strange thing is,
I was comfortable there.

♪ Gonna do it anyway ♪

I'm sorry, Dad.

That sounds awful.

Jimmy's gone from your life now,

and you've got me and D'Arcy

and that general to help
you with that alien.

You can breathe easy.

So what does life look like for Asta

when she's not in crisis mode?

♪ ♪

[TENSE MUSIC]

♪ ♪

These gravel workers are all
in excellent physical shape

and very good-looking.

One thing I know about attractive humans

is they do not work the night shift.

They work in the light,
so everyone can enjoy them.

No, these are not humans.

- They are...
- Hi, Harry!

[BOTH SCREAMING]

[SCREAMS]

Wha...

[SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC]

[GRUNTS]

How did you get here?!

Alien Tracker? Alien?

Tell me what's going on.

You still owe me.

I owe you?

You would be an exhibit
in a zoo on my planet

if I hadn't brought you back.

And you'd be dead in a Grey alien trap

if I hadn't saved you.

Oh, I see, tits for tats. You play well.

You have good tits.

Inappropriate.

Fine. I have made a discovery.

Do you see those workers over there?

Yeah? They all look
like toothpaste models.

Yes. Exactly.

Because they are Grey Hybrids.

- They're half-electric?
- No!

They are alien hybrids!

That means they are
half-human and half-alien.

The hybrids are gravitating
to that trailer,

and I need to find out why.

- You stay here.
- I want to help.

Fine.

You can help with one thing.

Okay.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

Peel this orange.

When I get back, I'll eat it.

[RELAXED ACOUSTIC MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ ♪

Nice try.

Keep it moving, pal. I'm spoken for.

♪ ♪

Ooh!

And that's who's doing the speaking!

- Hey, my guy!
- Hey! Hey!

- I saved you a seat.
- Oh.

It's the one on this stool.

- [CHUCKLES] Oh!
- [LAUGHS]

Could, uh... could we have a word?

It's my butt.

[LAUGHS] Your butt, okay. I know.

- Uh, in the back?
- Yeah, I do that, too.

[LAUGHS]

Oh, that's good.

- Can we talk in... in the back?
- Oh!

- Yeah.
- Yeah?

- Sure, okay.
- Okay.

- Let's do that.
- Yes, indeed.

[LAUGHTER]

After me.

[SIGHS]

So, uh...

I'm sorry, but I can't make
it to your birthday dinner.

And, um, don't get me wrong.

The other night was a lot of fun,

but I'm just not looking to
get involved with anyone.

Oh.

Totally, me neither.

So what did you think, we were
gonna, like, buy a house together

- or something?
- [LAUGHS] Well, I guess not.

A little ranch-style, you know,

two-bedroom with a tree in the yard

and, you know, somewhere to
sit and maybe some squirrels

- for Kevin and Cletus to chase?
- [LAUGHS]

- _
- No! Not us!

- So dumb.
- [LAUGHS]

Oh.

Oh, JuJu.

Oh, whew! I was nervous.

- I'm glad you understand.
- Yeah.

And I hope you have a
very happy birthday.

- Thanks.
- Okay?

- Yeah. Thanks.
- All right.

♪ ♪

[MELANCHOLIC MUSIC]

♪ ♪

You want to talk about it?

Talk about what?

♪ ♪

Oh, I'm...

the party was just, like,
a stupid idea anyway.

I'm just gonna call my mom
and tell her to cancel it.

I totally don't care.

♪ ♪

[CRYING] I feel so stupid.

♪ ♪

I just... you know.

When is it gonna be my turn?

♪ ♪

[INHALES SHARPLY]

[SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC]

♪ ♪

Just as I suspected, a secret entrance.

♪ ♪

A portal!

It must lead directly
to the Greys' ship.

♪ ♪

[TENSE MUSIC]

♪ ♪

- [ELECTRICITY CRACKLES]
- [PAINED GRUNTING]

Someone here ask for an orange?

- Is that a catchphrase?
- I'm trying it out.

Well, it's not very good.

Let's enjoy the moment.

You did your job.

Now, fall back.

That means go back to the car.

[SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC]

♪ ♪

[SIGHS]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

The Gravel Company must
be the Greys' cover

to hide what they're really doing.

Whatever their plan is,
it is a massive operation.

It clearly has been in
progress for decades.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

♪ ♪

[MICROWAVE BEEPING]

Oh.

Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot, hot!

- Hot.
- What's that?

Well, the spa may be closed,

but I can still give you a
nice hot-stone massage.

- Found 'em outside.
- Oh, Ben.

That's very...

I'm sorry, what is that smell?

Mm, not sure if these are all rocks.

Does Yellowstone have turtles?

You microwaved a turtle?

No.

I microwaved a rock that
looks a lot like a turtle.

Oh, God.

[SIGHS] I'm sorry about this trip.

It's just been a disaster.

- No.
- Yeah, I just...

I wanted to give you a break,
just a chance to reset,

and I blew it.

No, I'm glad you did. Okay?

A trip does not have to
be perfect to be special.

The important thing is we
were all here together.

- Right?
- Yeah.

[TENDER MUSIC]

And where is Max anyway?

Who knows? Arcade?

[BABY CRYING]

Okay, now you hear that, right?

Hear what?

[SOFT DRAMATIC MUSIC]

♪ ♪

[BABY CRYING]

♪ ♪

[BABY CRYING]

♪ ♪

[ECHOING BABY CRYING]

♪ ♪

At least let me remember this time!

Let me remember!

[KNOCKING]

Kate?

[BANGING]

What are you doing?

Is that your baby?

Yes.

- Can I hold her?
- No.

- Please...
- Come on.

I'm so sorry. Come on.

The greatest force in
the universe is entropy,

the tendency toward chaos.

Things fall apart.

There is no extended warranty.

Even if there were,
it would still be a ripoff.

But causing things to fall apart

outside the natural order is just wrong.

The Greys are not builders.

They are destroyers.

They are as shortsighted
and selfish as humans,

but even worse,
because they are smarter.

That is why I have to figure out

why they want to store so
much water underground.

There must be some reason.

[KETTLE WHISTLING]

♪ ♪

Son of a bitch!

[OMINOUS MUSIC]

The Greys' cavern is here.

If they filled it completely with water,

then connected it by a tunnel
to the magma chamber,

millions of gallons of water
would suddenly heat up,

and the pressure would
turn the 2,000 square miles

of Yellowstone National Park

into the most destructive natural
b*mb in the history of the world.

What powers the thousands
of geysers and hot springs

here in Yellowstone?

Heat from the volcanic magma
chamber beneath your feet.

Ouch! That's hot! That's so hot!

Oh, my God! I'm burning alive.

Oh! Ah!

[SMOOTH JAZZ PLAYING]

I found a store in Braddock

that sells the exact plaid
shirt from the video.

They gave me a list of
everyone who bought it,

and six of them live in Patience.

And guess what?

The shirt was on sale,
so I bought one for John.

Excellent work, but now,
I've got to put John's name

on the suspect list.

John might want to lawyer up.

- Oh, God, it's Nana.
- Hi!

Is my tie straight?

- Fix it.
- Uh... Okay, I'm trying.

- Fix it!
- Okay!

Nana! Hi.

Doing a... a little shopping?

Well, let's see. I got a shopping bag.

Oh, could I be shopping? [LAUGHS]

Uh, it's good seeing
you again, Miss Patty.

- I'll go warm up the truck.
- Nope.

Oh, is this one giving you a hard time

since she became a big sh*t?

Picture in the paper, just
like Princess Margaret.

Oh, you read the article?

Of course I read the article, Liv.

I was interviewed for it.

Not that they gave me any credit.

So you're the unnamed source?

You called me a liar, Nana.

I did not.

I called you a fantasist.

I said you were always making stuff up

and your relationship with reality

- was tenuous at best.
- That seems worse.

For Pete's sake, fix your uniform.

You can't expect to get any respect

if you're walking around town

like you're the cheapest
girl in the whorehouse.

Right, Sheriff? [CHUCKLES]

Bye, Nana.

She's so funny.

[MELANCHOLIC MUSIC]

♪ ♪

Oh, hey, it's from Detective Torres.

Her contact got a match on
that print from the van.

Dr. Wendy Beasley,
retired m*llitary chemist.

You were right.

Her prints were in
the m*llitary archives.

Are you kidding me? We did it!

We got a match! This is great news!

[LAUGHS]

[CRYING] I try so hard!

[SOBBING]

♪ ♪

It's okay, Deputy.

So the Greys want to k*ll us all

and take the planet for themselves?

Yes.

I do not know why they are doing it.

They cannot live long in
Earth's atmosphere or gravity.

So how long till it blows up?

Based on the amount of water
it will take to fill the cavern,

maybe a year.

I mean, a year is plenty of
time to stop them, right?

I love a year. We could do a year.

Yes.

I will stop the Greys from
destroying the planet.

Okay.

I can't talk about the end
of the world without dessert.

Thanks, Dad.

Uh...

But I...

Harry's gonna stop Yellowstone
from blowing up.

What? No! I did not say that.

I said I will stop the Greys
from blowing it up.

I cannot stop Yellowstone
from blowing itself up.

I'm sorry, what?

The Yellowstone Caldera,

it erupts every 600,000 years.

The last time it erupted
was 634,000 years ago.

So, yes, that baby is crowning. [LAUGHS]

Wouldn't it be funny
if I stopped the Greys,

and then the caldera
blew up right after?

- [LAUGHS] That would be funny.
- Because of the timing.

Comedy is all about...

[COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING]

♪ ♪

- The timing.
- Okay, yes.

It's a volcano.

But without the Greys'
cave and the water thing,

it won't be as bad, right?

No, not as bad.

The Earth will not be destroyed.

Okay, good.

It will k*ll millions of people,
though, including all of you.

- I prefer it with the whipped cream.
- Mm.

[CHUCKLES]

- I'm not hungry for pie anymore.
- I'll take it.

Do not be worried.

In a few thousand years,

the Earth will return to normal, reborn.

He's right. The volcanoes are a
big part of the cycle of things.

They've been going on a
lot longer than we have.

Yeah, but what are we supposed
to do with this information?

What did you do with it before?

Not know it?

Well, just keep doing the
only thing you know to do

while you're still alive.

Live the best life you can.

A human lifespan can last 85 years,

or more, if they are lucky.

It might seem long to humans,

but when compared to
the age of Planet Earth,

a human life would only
be 141 seconds long.

♪ And I want all the world to know ♪

That is why it is important for them

to live the best life they can,

to be the best human they can...

[KNOCKING]

Every day.

[SCREAMS]

Oh, my goodness, I love you!

[BLUE RODEO'S "LOST TOGETHER"]

[LAUGHS]

Hi!

[COUNTRY ROCK MUSIC]

And appreciate the seconds
they have with one another.

♪ Yeah, if we're lost ♪

♪ ♪

♪ We are lost together ♪

You blew off work.

You think I'd miss watching you scream?

Here.

♪ ♪

[SCREAMS]

[LAUGHS] Shh!

Luckily for them,

they will all get a little more time.

I'm the only one who can stop the Greys,

and I will not give up until I do.

[ETHEREAL WHIRRING]

[CHIRPS]

You're a Blue Avian!

Okay.

So I am from the Galactic Federation,

and I'm here to inform you
that you are being served.

Served? For what?

Among the charges,
you broke galactic law

when you did not honor your
contract with the Greys

- to vacate the planet.
- Mm.

So you are hereby ordered
to leave Earth immediately.

Honestly, dude, just go to the
back and sign the last page.

You are in big trouble.

Son of a bitch.

♪ And if we're lost ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Then we are lost together ♪

♪ ♪

♪ Yeah, if we're lost ♪

♪ We are lost together ♪

♪ ♪

♪ And if we're lost ♪

♪ Then we are lost together ♪

♪ Together, together ♪