01x06 - Episode 6

[bunniefuu]

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libido what do I get for my libido go

Henry apart from 15

points now let's see 4 week eight

program timer sophisticated digital

display counter laap button infrared

controls all right all right to enjoy

flaunting your wealth in the face of the

jobless now Tak that notice of Chris

Hamish unemployed male models are

notoriously caty and it is instant

record mode and full stereo output

that's amazing

hello yes he is just one moment Chris

for you hello

yeah

yeah right

uh uh tomorrow yeah yeah uh uhhuh I'll

be there yeah what does it entail

exactly hello

hello I uh want you all to save for this

moment cuz the years to come you'll be

able to tell your grandchildren you were

there when it happened when what

happened that was the boss of my

modeling agency tomorrow I step before

the cameras for the first time oh Chris

that's wonderful Monica give me some

grandchildren so I can tell

them good short notice for a job B short

notice for a grandchild somebody's

dropped out at the 11th Hour it involves

massive exposure cuz it's a telec

commercial don't tell me we're looking

at the new PG tips chimp

right Mom Monica please it's for an

international publisher I'm a bit short

on details but I gather I narrate some

verse so it's all very upmarket and

eyebrow why NE they W you then I'm not

just a pretty face Hamish have a certain

calm Authority me and the ability to

radiate intelligence cool I've never

seen you radiate intelligence have you

ever seen him radiate intelligence now

don't spoil his moment Monica he's done

very well he deserves our full backup

and support so anytime you want to

borrow my mascara feel free

um Carol there's only one L in

drool how could God do this to me oh

Chris pull yourself together a pimple is

not the end of civilization it's a mere

flaw on the jaw yeah but with my luck

it'll it'll erupt just when the director

yells

action in my line of business a pimple

is professional su1c1de it's like a

butler having Bo

enry you're a medical man do something

yes do something Henry bandage his

tongue I'll get it time I was off anyway

well good luck yeah especially with the

radiating intelligence bit I'm the calm

Authority Chris calm it down a bit will

you I want you to walk out of this room

a jobless male model with a zit and come

back a star with a

zit Captain bird ey I presume I don't

normally strangle people on Sundays

chummy but I'm more than willing to make

an exception in your case no he's not

himself today Richard he's got a

job do you know from a second I thought

you said you got a job I am he has he's

going to be impersonating an intelligent

Radiator on your way Jack well never

mind I'll explain on the river what do

you think is this Jolly voting gear

Sheila as ever you look good enough to

hey naal

naal bye bye have fun bage and you speak

French as

well oh I think I'll launch a major

offensive on the garden it's like a

jungle out there if I don't do something

soon we'll have David bellam me nosing

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round you seemed to be alone yes we have

the house to ourselves so the last thing

we need is an

observer what exactly are you suggesting

can't you

guess of course Scrabble

how's your wr's

block it's like a dark cloud hovering

over my Publisher's

deadline perhaps I could help you oh I

hate to see a man with a blockage I'm

more than have to my services as a sort

of literary Dino

Rod ah we're out of letters so

everything depends on on my next move

what's the score oh very much neck and

neck isn't it all I have to do to win is

get 548 with my final word good luck

jaxel what am I supposed to do with that

laxo

ocks ah got it

gooly if you used that ey brilliant

Igloo oh yeah I I was thinking more in

terms of axiology actually ah axiology

of course why on Earth didn't I think of

that probably because I've never heard

of it oh it's the uh it's the science of

the significance of values you're the

most significant man I've ever met Henry

I think you're brilliant it's just that

I've played a lot of Scrabble not since

you're a genius and well the fact is I

find of a turn

on excuse me spray thirsty work

gardening anyway I'm making progress I'm

glad someone is I just hope you

gardening is better than your

timing I see no way out Sheila because

if grp Lomax is halfway up the matter

horn in his dinner jacket in chapter n

he can't seriously expect to appear in

the hotel lobby in chapter 10 true he'll

be far too busy in his new role as the

world's best dressed snowman there's

absolutely nothing he can do he could do

a frozen penguin

impersonation Sheila please why doesn't

he overpower the villain and pinch his

thermals because that villain is over 50

ft away and grip is unarmed but grip was

Captain of cricket at Harrow wasn't he

so so there's no shortage of ice on the

matter horn all he needs to do is find a

handy lump of ice about the size of a

cricket ball and imagine the villain's

head as a set of

stumps ice hits skull at 80 mph and ow

that exit one villain to that great

Pavilion in the

sky that's absolutely

brilliant we do our best you know this

proves what I've long suspected what's

that that you're indispensable to

me it's just that I've never seen your

room right well there it is and you can

tell so much about a person from their

room oh de uh right well perhaps I can

show you some of my equipment now you're

talking it's quite old this it's a

Victorian tongue depressor why should

anyone want a depressed tongue kinky lot

the victorians yes um oh this is a

fairly ancient spigo monometer oh I'll

get you a new one for

Christmas right uh what else can I show

you are you kidding

Oh Henry you've got a skeleton in your

cupboard it's my

father's your father's skeleton I prefer

to keep it out of sight you mean that is

the actual skeleton of your actual

father when I say it's my father's

skeleton I mean I

mean yes yes it's it's my father's sched

oh gosh is that the doorbell knocking

must go here

Henry thank you Father

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oh

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that part do you actually know what I'm

doing Sheila sorry a navigational tip I

know you mean well but let's not forget

that I had a fairly distinguished Naval

career and I managed navigate a type 42

Destroyer with a certain amount of

success sorry Captain I'm just an

ignorant land level I can assure you the

river tend is very small beer indeed to

a man is rounded cake hor in all its

Fury I steer these Waters confident that

I'm one of the most qualified men of

flat to tell me what that

[Applause]

means I forgot to fill

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out shall we just drift gently to shore

then and get some

[Applause]

lunch oh I plann to turn this Wasteland

into a veg patch to save my money it's

taking me hours to do this bit could be

1990 before we get our first carrots how

well do you know

Henry not as well as I'd like Carol

mainly because you got to him first in

your usual Swift style he's been looking

very nervous ever since he obviously

never realized there was a man eater at

large in the house we finished well I

was going to add that I sometimes feel

like f*ring a tranquilizer dart into one

of your hyperactive

thighs you're welcome to him because

he's sick sick very very sick

he's got a skeleton in his cupboard a

real life

skeleton feel Dead one medical students

have a lot of homework Carol they need a

skeleton to refer to during their lonely

hours of study anyway it's a bit a

company for them but it's his father's

skeleton oh they must have been very

close I mean it's so sick I mean surely

a normal medical student hangs clothes

in his cupboard not his next to Kin

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thanks

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CH don't worry Richard I'm sure even

Nelson ran out of petal

occasionally we head for the nearest pop

hardly if you'll uh follow

me

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I'm

impressed good because I'm hoping this

will be the most memorable Luncheon of

Our Lives well it'll certainly be the

largest

I have something rather important to say

now

Sheila what are you doing thought you

going to say

grace hopelessly helplessly desperately

and irreversibly in love with

you gosh that's an awful lot of adverbs

Richard will you marry

me it's just that Ben's memory is very

strong my head head in my

heart in my shelves your

shelves DIY every time one of them falls

off the wall I think of

him I'm no stranger to grief myself you

know oh come on Richard dilia didn't die

on you she merely aled a waybridge with

your stock broker still hurt he was a

very good stock

broker

I can put up shelves that fall off the

walls I'm not saying never you're

not what did you think I'd

say but best what you said at worst I

thought you might throw me

overboard not a trace of Madness on the

surface is there he looks so mild

mannered but then so did Dr

crippin Henry you know that skeleton

you've gotten loarn from your dad yes

well Carol's under the impression that

it is your dad or rather once was I know

well you see it's rather put her off you

I know you see I've been trying to put

car off me for some time but um it's

very difficult to do these things

without feelings being hurt you know oh

you're so sensitive Henry I really like

that fact is Monica that over sex

limpets just aren't my type

oh what is your

type um well since you ask um I think

you maybe me

yes you fancy you're walk in the

park

cheer up don't let spoil a lovely day oh

a thousand apologies unforgivable on me

not to appear the happiest man alive but

this is difficult for me too

Richard Madness absolute Madness no it

wasn't it was very nice of you to ask me

it's Madness for you to turn me down oh

yes look I'm truly flattered that you

decided to take the plunge and I'm truly

sorry that you landed on your head but

I've have so much to offer you Sheila my

heart my

life my bank account we have everything

in common have we well name me one

subject just one on which we don't feel

the same politics apart from that

Chinese food apart from that religion

half

that

that

that men hand that smell a pip tobacco

apart from that

nson

ah see really Richard we got absolutely

nothing in common at all I mean we're

not even the same

shape Italian food love it me too um

Boven my favorite M

too Mom hello this have

hi

bye seem undy con s oh it takes a lot

more than that to shock me Richard I'm a

child of the 60s remember which is I

fear yet another thing we don't have in

common come in oh don't sulk I'm dying

for a cup of tea so am

I which proves conclusively that we do

have something in common apart from

always wanting the last

line

you're never going to believe this what

would you say if I told you that Henry

keeps the bones of his father in his

cupboard I'd say you were

deranged nothing in common I'll put the

kettle on Carol Henry's father is a very

much aive and kicking GP one of dawkings

best and very well covered in flesh now

the anorexic gentleman upstairs in the

closet is the property of Henry's father

not what's left of

him do Monica know this uh

pass you're good to be all right there's

one thought that sustains me Sheila at

least you never said never me

never see you soon

mhm ah sorry excuse me that's mine my

daughter and my

friend pass

again well Carol if it isn't Tweedle Dum

and Tweedle D or should I say bonio and

Juliet excuse me I'm a

doctor look before you k*ll me I really

think I should tell you that you and

Henry were doomed from the

start well suppose you could be right I

mean I mean I know Henry's very

intelligent but he's also amazingly

boring on the quiet no he's not he's

just a bit cerebral for you you see what

a man like Henry wants from a

relationship his brains first and sex

second you'd be better off with someone

like Chris who wants sex first and let's

face it sex second as

well I can't claim it was any great

challenge all I had to do was look cool

and ooze sophisticated sex appeal really

it was very much the dawn of a mega star

situation and then to cap it all

Samantha Fox dropped in to offer her

congratulations I never felt so

smothered in a claim you'll be smothered

with this horin if you don't shut up he

it's been brag brag brag all

evening anything on the box tonight mom

uh no nothing no Chris is right the only

thing that's on was CA blaner and that

finished half an hour ago may I

interject at this point not if it makes

a mess on the

carpet

Mrs Haden through the power of video I

have Humphrey bot and ingred Bergman

ready and waiting in the wings oh heish

of all the houses and all the towns you

all the chis you had to walk in a

mine which uh which channel was it on

ITV hands up who wants to play cards no

My Monopoly

shage I want to see the now it should

start immediately after these

commercials yeah sooner the better why

not zap through the ads with your ex

speed facility good

idea hold on don't we know that face we

my

free that long have you got a stop

facility a rewind facility and a played

Again Sam with a volume up

facility read all about it in the globe

on the eve of the superpow summit

tomorrow's

Globe plus the globe says nickers as we

unveil our soury special offer Thrills

and thrills as you unrobe with the

globe plus make a million when the globe

gives you the

[Music]

goose with a flip of my beak and a flash

of my legs I'll hatch you a mint with my

golden

eggs and p 3 five7 and nine Globe boys

and girls all in tomorrow's

globe why is your beak so high 4 in low

it would have covered your pimple it was

a goose

pimple so I think you were miscast

you're totally the wrong sex for a goose

you're much more of a gander guess what

I've just found a slow motion facility

hands up all those who'd like to see a

goose oozing sophisticated sex appeal in

slow

motion I think you look very sexy and

white and I think we're all agreed that

you waddle with a certain amount of Cam

Authority honestly you should have told

us Chris we would not have laughed at

you we we don't think any the less of

you because You' got feathers and webbed

feet I'm off to bed now Mom M Richard

proposed to me

today and

well we haven't got a thing in common

but I mean hardly a

thing why is it I like him so much

because he's very likable and he makes

you laugh and he's kind

just like Dad was true and he's actually

very good at DIY just like Dad wasn't he

loves you Mom I know I mean this could

be my chance of achieving not only

happiness but shelves that stay

up oh I wish you'd be serious for a

minute you're a constant worry to me am

I yes I don't think you appreciate how

difficult it's been for me bringing up a

mother

single-handed never knowing where my

next father's coming from it's it's

probably just a stage I'm going through

I grow out of it and finally a nice boy

like Richard comes along and what

happens nothing so far no well it's got

to stop do you hear me I think you

should seriously reconsider his proposal

I think it was Shakespeare who once said

the path of true love is always a bit

iffy sleep well I want you to ponder

hard on what I've said oh I will I give

it a really hard

Ponder good night Mom

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d

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love