01x05 - YOLO

Episode transcripts for the TV show, "Head of the Class". Aired: November 4, 2021.*
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Based on Rich Eustis and Michael Elias' series of the same name that ran from 1986 to 1991.
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01x05 - YOLO

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♪♪

♪ Livin' in
this big blue world ♪

♪ With my head
up in outer space ♪

♪ I know I'll be A-O, A-O-K,
I know I'll be A-O, A-O-K ♪

Blueberry muffin for Makayla and
a blueberry muffin for Randall.

Hey!
That guy took my muffin.

If only there was an identical
one sitting right next to it.

Oh, my gosh, there is.

Sorry, no. My muffin had
way more blueberries.

This one...

This one sucks.

Makayla, can we please for once
not turn this into big drama?

Fine.

Excuse me.

I cannot believe we are banned
from the coffee shop

for three weeks.

Yeah, I may have
slightly overreacted.

You think?

That guy cried,
like...a lot.

[ Chuckles ]

I forgot you're still
getting to know Makayla.

See, whenever she feels
slightly wronged,

she gets
violently petty

and then drags
everyone down with her.

Oh, please. Name one other time
that happened.

She got me a bunch
of detentions.

She got me
banned from Reddit.

She got my nose bashed in by
Ms. Nadine, the crossing guard.

How?

the guard was snapping at her
to hurry it up,

but she was just practicing
for her role

in a local production
of "West Side Story."

Whatever! I regret nothing.

Not even me
getting hit in the face

with her tiny
plastic stop sign?

I had to go
to the nurse's office.

♪♪

So, I'm sure
you guys have seen

all the Day of the Dead
decorations around school.

You mean
Día de los Muertos?

Yeah, I speak fluent Japanese
and Español.

[ Speaking Spanish ]

I'm not great
when you speak it fast.

Okay, so, Day of the Dead
is about celebrating

our loved ones that have passed,

but it could also kind of remind
us to live life with no regrets,

'cause, you know,
mortality and...

I tried to bring it back.
It didn't work.

Our debate topic for today
is regret.

Is it useful
or a waste of energy?

Terrell, pro -- go.

Uh, pro --
Regret can be beneficial

because it teaches us not
to make the same mistake twice.

T-That's how I know

not to go back
to a white barbershop again.

My hairline never
completely recovered.

Con -- The emotional toll
of regret can be devastating.

I know that
from watching my mom

every time she gets
back on eHarmony.

Uh, Luke.

Lo siento, Ali.

Please stop that.

Fair. I'd love to participate
in this one, but I can't.

See, I'm kind of
crushing it at life.

Uh-oh.
This guy has no regrets.

What about
that sad little mustache

you were trying to grow?

I told you they noticed.

Okay, first of all,
it was a goatee.

The bottom part just never
really sprouted.

Or the middle.

Or the top.

Okay.

Luke, there has to be
something you wish you could do.

Even something small.

I-I guess I wish I could get the
new University Blue Jordan 1s.

They drop tomorrow.

Yeah, those are sick. I had
no idea you were a sneakerhead.

Oh, I'm not.
I'm a moneyhead.

That's someone
who loves money.

That's self-explanatory.

Man, I could flip a few pairs
of those and make bank,

but it's so hard
to get them.

I guess I'll take an "R"
for that one.

"R" is for regret.

Again, self-explanatory.

You know, Luke, sometimes
it's the things we don't do

that end up defining us.

Well, what I'm saying
is that it doesn't matter

how hard or complicated
it is to get those shoes.

You should just do it, 'cause
there's no regret if you try.

You got to seize the day,
you know?

YOLO.

You regret saying "YOLO"?

So much.

♪♪

What do you guys think
of my Day of the Dead altar?

Do you hate
your ancestors?

No, I love my family.

Well, not my Great-Uncle Manny.
He used to poke me in the belly

every time he saw me
and say, "Boop!"

That's awful.

You know, Filipinos celebrate
All Souls' Day.

I've never made an altar before,
but after seeing yours,

I know I can.

You are an amazing artist,
Miles.

You want to help
make it better?

You know, I can't 'cause
I just remembered I have, um...

l-leaf-blowing practice,
yeah.

Wait, what's --
what's up, Miles?

Look, for me,
art's just fun.

Mr. Escalante,
you're an amazing teacher --

Ah, you can just end it
right there.

But...sometimes
outside of class,

you take things that should
be fun and make them not fun.

It's like your teaching
mode's always on.

[ Chuckling ]
Oh! Okay.

Cool, uh, thank you
for sharing that with me.

I will build on it.

Cool.

You're trying to pretend
you're not dying inside?

Yeah, that one stung.

Won't be able
to sleep tonight.

But honestly,
do I really do that?

Well, it's like,
remember yesterday,

when I said I really liked
my vanilla latte,

and then you went on
for 20 minutes

about how coffee was discovered
by sheep herder--

Actually,
it's goat herder,

and what's amazing about it
is that coffee, in many ways,

spurred the Age
of Enlightenment, and --

Oh, I'm hearing it now.

Do I always come off
as some sort of know-it-all?

Boop.

Not funny.

Answer the question.

Ms. Gomez,
may I steal you?

Oh, thank God
you're here.

Yes, I'm always
a wonderful surprise.

♪♪

Alicia, this is Carol Burrows
and Darlene Hayward.

Oh, you guys are Luke
and Terrell's moms.

We always like to meet
the new teachers.

We're co-chairs
of the Parents' Association.

And if you're wondering why
the PA needs two co-chairs,

you're not alone.
[ Chuckles ]

Well, why don't you two
wait in my office?

We'll be right in.
This'll be so fun.

A little conversation
with my two favorite ladies.

These women
are out to destroy us.

What?
They don't seem that scary.

Yet. Who do you know
that's scary after two seconds?

Well --

Oh, then I got nothing.

Listen,
they're relentless.

And they've got a lot of pull
with the school board.

Understand this --

If they turn
against you...

you're on your own.

So you want me
to turn on the charm?

'Cause I can fake it
till I make it.

It's kind of my motto.

I'll spread the word.

I don't do fake.

Principal Maris,
can we help ourselves

to your personal coffee?

Of course!

Do whatever you want
in there.

Totally.
[ Imitates g*nsh*t ]

Did you do finger g*ns?

Never speak of this again.
[ Blows ]

Ooh.

Oh, whoa, whoa. Hey.

Nice.

♪♪

Did you guys hear
what Ryan Porter

just posted
on his Instagram?

Makayla: "Debate girls are
the hottest squad in school."

Yeah, pretty hot pic.

Oh, really?

You like this?

Mm...no.

What?
I respect you!

I'm an ally!

I don't understand women.

Okay, I got my PhD in girls.
How can I help?

True, but he's also
got a doctorate

in unearned confidence,
so...

Okay, so I've been doing
some research on the shoes,

and there's a limited shipment
of Jordans

coming in tonight
at a warehouse downtown.

So much drip!

Don't speak hypebeast.
Trust me.

Ms. Gomez was right.
We got to go for it!

All we got to do
is lie to our moms,

BART to San Fran,
and scoop up the kicks.

Do you know
the unspeakable crimes

that go down
in warehouses?

Come on, all we ever do
is study.

It would be fun
to shake things up.

Alright, well, you're gonna need
some muscle

in case things go south,

and luckily, these g*ns
don't have a safety.

[ Chuckles ]

So you guys are in?

Yes!
Okay, bring it in.

Sneaker Boys on three,
let's go.

We'll go with you, but we're
not gonna call ourselves that.

1, 2, 3, Sneaker Boys.

No.

♪♪

Hey, Ryan.
We got to talk to you.

What it is, ladies?

Leavin' no crumbs, as uzhe.
[ Purrs ]

I feel dumber having heard
that sentence.

You didn't ask for permission
to put that picture up.

Can I put your picture up?

No.

What makes you think
this is okay?

Because you're all
crazy attractive

and still got
brains for days.

Like, brains on brains.

Stop saying nice things
about us.

Whoa, you guys are really mad
about this.

Look who has the brains
now, Ryan.

Alright, alright.
I know how to handle this.

[ Cellphone shutter clicks ]

[ Laughs ]

[ Cellphone chimes ]

Okay, I'm betting
that wasn't an apology.

♪♪

So, Ms. Gomez, we've heard
so much about you

and your...unique
teaching style.

[ Chuckles ]
I don't need compliments.

Oh, I-I think you misheard
my tone when I said "unique."

Sorry.

I assure you,
Alicia is very capable,

and I stand beside her.

Not right now,
'cause I've got to go.

A student locked Janitor Ron
in the closet again,

and I've left him in there
the whole meeting

'cause, you know,
it's funny.

[ Laughing ]
Oh, it is funny!

No, that's not...

Our kids are
some of the most elite

in the country.

We are talking future presidents
of major corporations.

I would love for you guys
to give me a chance,

'cause I really think
that I can impress you.

You can impress me
by getting the debate team

back to its top-five ranking
in the state.

Well, right now, we're top six,
which is great, right?

[ Chanting ] We're number six!
We're number six!

You know, your kids are great,
I mean it,

and I really just want them
to follow their passions.

You are starting to remind me of
my old Honors Program teacher.

He was a giant hippie, too.

No, I have three degrees.

Okay, two.

Fine, one, but I was
top of my class.

Middle-top.

I don't want to tell you
how to do your job.

But you're gonna.

to keep these kids on track
for the Ivy League.

Oh.

keep them on track,
the kids.

I'm in charge, too, so...
[ Chuckles ]

You two have nothing
to worry about.

I am great at keeping kids
on track.

Okay.

And you're leaving.
It was so nice to meet you!

♪♪

♪ Uh, uh, A-O-K ♪

♪ We gon' be ♪

♪ Sugar, sugar ♪

Dude, how long
is this gonna take?

Ah, don't worry about it.
Let me --

Let me see
what the deal is.

Hello,
fellow hypebeast.

I-I've been to a ton
of these sneaker drops,

but, just curious, how does
this particular one work?

Have you stood
in a line before?

Yeah.

So, pretty standard.

Yeah, pretty standard.

Blessings.

Whatever, I-I was in the moment.
I still am.

[ Sniffs ]
Ahh, the smell of success.

Success smells
a lot like urine.

But speaking of,
where is the bathroom?

I'm gonna go ahead
and say everywhere.

Blessings.

♪♪

I can't believe
he doubled down.

You know what I'd be perfectly
okay with never hearing again?

"Daym, gurl, you fiiine."

I can't wait
till we get out of high school

and can just be ourselves

without guys constantly
judging us on appearance.

[ Coughs, laughs ]

Oh, God.
I almost choked.

[ Both laugh ]

What's so funny?

It doesn't get easier
with age,

and the Internet's made it
so much worse.

We can't even show our hands,
feet, or small of our backs

without it ending up on

That is not
a real website.

Oh, it is.

It's such
a double standard.

I wear red lipstick
to work one time,

and someone says
I'm too sexy.

I said trampy.

Ms. Gomez has a point.

Parents comment that my sneakers
are not professional attire.

And then our superintendent,
Mr. Tarsis,

shows up for our last
lunch meeting in flip-flops.

Nobody cares.

And then I have to look
at his nasty finger-toes?

Have you guys seen them?

[ Retches ]

So, if it never gets any better,
what are we supposed to do?

You have to tell Ryan
exactly how he made you feel.

Right, 'cause maybe
he'll hear us and change.

[ Both laugh ]

You guys
are k*lling me today.

No, he's not gonna change,
but you have to say something,

or else it'll
eat you up inside.

Yeah, no regrets,
remember?

YOLO!

Sarah, what do I always
tell you?

Tell everyone
I'm your sister?

No, the other thing.

Women should always have
each other's backs.

Hey, hey,
lunch with my ladies!

Your ladies?
Like we're yours?

Are you saying you own us?

I'm just gonna go
eat in my classroom.

♪♪

This is looking great.
[ Chuckles ]

Thanks for helping me.

I mean, you have helped me
so much, but more importantly,

you agreed that every time
you go into teaching mode,

you give me five bucks.

Ah, the definition
of true friendship --

extortion.

Ooh.

Mrs. Hayward.

Ms. Gomez, I can't
get ahold of Terrell.

Have you seen him? He told me
that he was staying late

at school to prep a debate
with Luke and Miles.

Uh, I'm sure
he's around here somewhere.

As always, thanks
for being super helpful.

And she's gone.

You know, I really think
she's starting to dig me.

I do not think that.

Do you know
where the kids are?

Uh, Miles said something about
going to buy shoes

with Luke and Terrell.

What?

He was trying to get out of it,
so he gave me some crazy story

about taking BART to some
warehouse in San Francisco.

[ Chuckles ]
You know, I almost bought it

until he said that
you insisted they do it.

Oh, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no!

San Francisco
is foggy and crimey!

God!

♪♪

So, this is taking
way longer than I thought,

but I can feel the drip
about to...drop.

No one says that.
Right, Burt?

Correct.

Whoa, okay, yeah, wow,
that's bright.

I watch a lot of
"48 Hours."

Perks of living
with my grandparents.

And trust me, serial K*llers
stay away from anything

that draws attention,
so you're welcome.

Miles, w-we're all waiting
in line to buy $500 sneakers.

I think we're good.

A rat just touched my foot.

Come on, man,
that rat is harmless.

It's not even the size
of a loaf of bread.

Wow.

Okay, alright,
now, look, look, look.

The pee I can deal with,
but rodents, hell no.

Come on, guys,
eyes on the prize.

Terrell,
you're not leaving.

Miles, there is nothing
to be afraid of.

Hey.

W-W-W-What are you
doing here?

You know, just out
looking for idiots.

You found 'em.

Come on, Burt.

♪ Na-na-na-na-na-na-na ♪

♪ A-O, A-O-K ♪

for talking to Ryan again?

Let's do it tomorrow
after lunch.

He'll be most vulnerable coming
off his Mountain Dew high.

Ooh, good, 'cause
that'll give us time

to frame him for cheating

or booby trap his locker
or kidnap his dog.

Whatever works.

Okay, we got
some good ideas.

Maybe --
Maybe a few felonies.

Hey, you're doing it again.

Going from zero to extra.

That is so not true.

'Cause, uh, we could be
having this conversation

at Percolation Station
right now,

but, wait, we're not allowed
in there for three weeks.

So now we're stuck here drinking
Robyn's mom's swamp-ass coffee.

I made the coffee.

It's so good.

Oh, God.

♪♪

What the hell
were you guys thinking?

We're just doing
what you told us to do.

I would never tell you
to come here.

No, you said forget about
how hard or complicated it is

to get the shoes
and to just go do it.

Then you said YOLO.
Very cringey.

You're not helping.

Terrell, your mom
is looking for you.

What time is your curfew?

I don't have a curfew.

11:00.

Same.

We're good.
What about you, Miles?

I live with my grandparents,
so if it's 10:00,

that means they've been asleep
for the past six hours.

Beautiful!
Come on, let's go.

No, no, no, no, no!
Come on.

We came
all the way out here

and had to deal with
some really unsavory people.

Seriously?

Not you, Burt.
You know you're my guy.

Please. I mean, look, look,
the line is finally moving.

Okay, but it could still
take a while, Luke.

We can't, come on.

What happened to
seizing the day?

You pushed me into this,
and you were right.

This is about having
an adventure with my boys.

And also making a cool G.

A G?

As in 1,000 bucks?

Wow.

So, how many pairs
is one person allowed to get?

♪♪

Alright, done.

Wow.

You know, in Colombia,
we don't do Day of the Dead,

but it seems like
a really fun...

celebration?

Oh, almost forgot.

Here's 20 bucks.

I'm about to tell you a whole
bunch about Day of the Dead.

'Cause it's so much more
than that.

So, do you want to hear about
origin or symbolic meaning?

It doesn't really seem like
I have a choice.

You're right,
so we'll go chronological.

Now, I want you to imagine
yourself in Spain in the 1500s.

Now, you're, like,
riding a horse --

Ruh-roh.

Ms. Gomez, a word.

I-I'm sorry, Ms. Gomez.

We told them
it wasn't your fault.

Mm, no, you said that,
but at this time,

I can neither confirm
nor deny my involvement.

But I'm sorry, too.

Just give me a minute
to talk to your moms.

Yeah. Come on.

I got a buttload to tell you
about Day of the Dead.

Man.

When you saw
those three downtown,

how could you think it was okay
to let them stay and buy shoes?

Ladies, I'm actually
still playing catch-up here.

I'm not really sure
what you're talking about.

Really?

Oh, I've had these for years.

[ Clears throat ]

♪♪

Sorry, ladies,
super busy.

No photo sh**t today.

Ryan, we need
to talk to you.

I know this is hard
for you to understand,

so in that way,
probably like many things.

Books, for instance.

Hey, I know books.
What's the problem?

How would you feel if someone
posted a picture of you

on Instagram
that just said, "Foine"?

I know what you're
trying to say.

Yes, I'll go out with you.

It is taking every ounce
of my self-control

not to curb-stomp
your teeth out.

So I need you to try
and hear me out.

We need to be able to control
our own narrative.

It doesn't matter if you think
you're being flattering.

It's still objectifying
to women,

and it's still not cool.

Do you understand
your mistake?

Yeah.

I definitely don't think
you guys are hot anymore.

Super clear.

I don't know what Michelle Obama
was talking about.

The high road sucks.

Hey, we're still proud of you,
though, for keeping your cool.

Also this.

[ Laughter,
indistinct conversations ]

Who -- Who's responsible
for this?

Right there!

Busted!

You three, with me now.

Oh, no.
Are we getting detention?

[ Scoffing ]
Oh, well --

Listen, be cool.

If anyone asks,
you got in huge trouble.

[ School bell rings ]

[ Chuckles ] Nice!

You really meant it when you
said women should support women.

Oh, crap.

Go wait for me in the car.
I have to do something.

It's literally
the middle of the day.

I have like
three classes left.

Bottom line, you encouraged
reckless behavior.

How?
I found them in the city,

and I stayed with them
like a responsible adult.

She doesn't know
what "responsible" means.

Okay, admittedly, the sneaker
thing was probably a bad idea.

She doesn't know
what "probably" means, either.

You're not getting this.

We want you out.

Out?

This is how this works.

We just get louder and louder
in front of the school board

until suddenly,
you're gone.

The point is,

no one here
is going to have your back.

Actually, I will.

See, these kids
already love Ms. Gomez.

Don't ask me why.
It makes no sense.

Alright, maybe it's 'cause
she's intuitive.

Or she teaches them to think
of things in new ways.

You two should be grateful
for it.

We'll see
what you'll say

when you're in front
of the school board.

Well, I'm --
I'm gonna say that.

That --
That's what I'm gonna say.

Or that Carol should be
the sole chair of the PA.

Really?

Anything else?

Thanks for
hearing us out.

Do you really think
I could do this alone?

Because I have to be honest
with you, I have thought --

Carol!

Oh, my God.
Thank you!

If you ever put me
in that position again, I --

What are you doing?
Why are you smiling?

'Cause you like me.

I-I don't like you.

You just saved my ass.

Come on, admit it,
we're kind of becoming friends.

Mm, maybe.
Hey, after school,

do you want to go to
that wine bar on Oak Street

and have some Chardonnay
and some girl talk?

Oh, my God.
I would love that.

[ Imitates g*nshots ]
Me, too.

You are not gonna be there,
are you?

No, I won't.

♪ Uh, uh, A-O-K ♪

♪ Sugar, sugar ♪

♪ Livin' in this big,
blue world ♪

♪ With my head
up in outer space ♪

♪ I know I'll be A-O, A-O-K,
I know I'll be A-O, A-O-K ♪

♪ When I see trouble
come my way ♪

♪ I'll be makin' lemonade ♪

♪ I know I'll be A-O, A-O-K,
I know I'll be A-O, A-O-K ♪

♪ Na, na, na, na, na, na, na ♪

♪ A-O, A-O-K ♪

♪ Na, na, na, na, na, na, na ♪

♪ A-O, A-O-K ♪

♪ Uh, uh, A-O-K ♪

♪ I'm gon' be ♪

♪ Uh, uh, A-O-K ♪

♪ You gon' be ♪

♪ Uh, uh, A-O-K ♪
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