01x08 - Beaks and Cheeks

[bunniefuu]

♪♪

[ Up-tempo music plays ]

♪ I get starstruck around you ♪

♪ What can I do, baby? ♪

Yeah. I'm really excited
for this.

Sorry, but do you know
those people over there?

'Cause I feel like
they're staring at us.

Those are my friends who think
they're being discreet.

Great.

Here.
I got this for you.

Now I have to run.
Catch you after school.

Yeah.

Who was that woman?

Makayla: Wait!
Don't tell us.

We took bets.

Terrell bet five

that she's trying to
recruit you for a flash mob.

And another five that her name
is Randi with an "I."

And then Sarah went all in
on "sugar mama."

And then Luke yelled,
"That's what I'm talkin' about,"

and then held up his hand
that nobody slapped.

And I told them she's clearly
an overly dedicated Uber driver.

Named Randi with an "I."

Who is also
your sugar mama.

That's what
I'm talkin' about.

Come --

You guys.
Again?

Well, I hate to disappoint
you all,

but that's actually
my new gaming manager.

I mean, she thinks I can go pro
by the time I'm 18.

Monetizing your interests.
I love that for you.

This has been my dream
since I was like 6,

but thanks to Andrea,
I'm playing an arena game

in San Francisco
this Friday!

Plus, I already have
a sponsor.

Pocha's Pumpkin Patch.

I only get paid to wear it
in October.

Come on. Is -- Is gaming
really a career?

Hey, some arena players
make millions.

M-M-Millions?

I have a few questions.

no, you cannot be
my future lawyer,

and no, you cannot have
this jacket.

I was just gonna ask
if I could buy you a coffee.

But with that attitude,
forget it.

Hey, Luke, wait up.

Who had Luke running off
with all our bet money?

Do you guys ever think
we have too much caffeine?

No.
No. No.

♪♪

Oh, hey! Have a minute
to solve world peace?

Ay, no hablo inglés.

It's an old habit.
I'm so sorry.

What's up?

Behold...

two rival countries --
Turkey and Greece.

Oh, which is the key to an
exceptional Thanksgiving gravy.

Turkey grease.

[ Flatly ] I will never
be friends with Greece.

[ British accent ] Only turkeys
live in Turkey, old chap.

Hey. Why are you
talking like that?

Because I was told
that Old English

was the only accent I could do
without being offensive, bruv.

Good instinct.

I'm gonna use two super magnets
to show what can happen

when adversaries
put aside their differences

and come together.

Damn it.

The magnets must have been
pointed the wrong way.

Well, unlike the people
outside of Whole Foods,

you got my attention.

And I am signing my real name
on your petition.

♪♪

Why'd I even bother trying
to make a positive change?

Nobody cares.

You know,
instead of focusing

on a big issue
like world peace,

maybe you could set your sights
a notch lower?

Find every stray dog
a home?

Several notches lower.

If you want immediate change,
you can focus

on a local issue that
you're passionate about.

Mmm. Mmm.
This is tasty celery juice.

Boy, has my inflammation
been reduced.

I'm doing a juice cleanse
for Faculty Health Week.

Mmm! Thank you, juice,
for cleaning my guts.

[ As juice ] "Oh, you are
very welcome, Mr. Escalante."

That's amazing.

His juice voice?
Don't encourage him.

No. I just got an idea
for my local issue.

Later.

[ Normal voice ] You know,
you should participate, too.

It's important
we provide

healthy role models
for our students.

I really think that ship sailed
when I started having Red Bulls

and cheese wheels
for a midnight snack.

Okay.

Not everyone has
my famous Escalante willpower.

I thought you said
you were famous

for knowing all the lyrics
to "Tubthumping" by Chumbawamba.

Unlike members
of Chumbawamba,

I could be famous
for more than one thing.

Okay. I'll start thinking
of something healthy to do,

like, a -- a good stretch.

I just popped my bra.

♪♪

Hi.
Uh, I'm looking for --

You must be
Robby's friend!

I'm sorry.
Robby?

Gender-neutral names
crush on Twitch.

Help yourself
to anything.

Hey, you.

Not interested.
Gay.

Wait. Robyn?

What in the cosplay hell
are you wearing?

It's called a brand.

Her followers are gonna hit 100K
by the end of the month.

Um, Robby...
[Gags]

What happened
to the multicolored hoodie

from Supreme
you were telling me about?

Oh!
Yeah, that one.

See, I liked it at first,

but then I realized
I like money more.

And also, Terry told me
it was working for me, so...

Who the hell's Terry?

Check me out!
[ Laughs ]

This feels
strangely right.

What in the muscle-suit hell
are you wearing?

Who cares?
I'm hot.

Okay.
Next step...

We got to straighten
that hair.

Ooh.
She went for the hair.

Sit back,
'cause you're about to see

someone get ripped
a new B-hole.

Um, yeah.
Yeah. Sure. I can be into that.

What?

Robyn, you've been
gaining followers on Twitch

just fine
by being yourself.

Yes, and now
I'm leveling up.

I mean, come on, bro.

You know how long
I've wanted to go pro.

So, are you gonna be a part
of my entourage, or what?

You know I will.
I support you.

Well, in that case,
you got to dress the part.

Never in a million years.

Can I put that on
over the muscles,

or is this more
of an either-or situation?

♪ I'm not giving,
not giving you up ♪

♪ I'm not giving
you up, up, up ♪

[ Bell rings ]

We've got a lot of debatin'
to do.

If it's related
to whatever you're doing,

I can tell
I'm on the con side.

This is my new
exercise ball.

I am k*lling
Faculty Health Week!

Are y'all inspired yet?

Yeah. This is
my inspired face.

Cool. I couldn't tell,
'cause you're a little blurry.

Okay. Uh, I have
an announcement to make.

I have made
a positive local change

here at the school.

Oh, hell yeah!
I told her to do that.

Inspired by Health Week,
I have banned

Chicken on a Stick
from our cafeteria!

Makayla,
with all due respect...

[Chuckles]
what the hell?!

Why would you get rid
of our favorite item
in the cafeteria?

Because that chicken
is overly processed

and unethically raised.

I'm sorry, but I care about
what goes into our bodies.

A mouthful of joy?

[ Stammering ]
Do you have this bag on you?

And if so,
is it microwavable?

Makayla, Makayla,

I know that your heart's
in the right place,

but the thing is --

We have a constitutional right
to eat poultry-adjacent meats.

Okay, ignore him.
It's just...

we've been eating
Chicken on a Stick

since we were in
like the first grade.

And your bodies still
haven't digested them.

So I'm just supposed to stop
eating things I can't digest?

[ Chuckles ]
No.

Guys, guys, guys, guys,
guys, guys!

Makayla has a point,

and we should support her,
like real friends do.

Y'all, Ms. Gomez is right.

I mean,
change is never easy.

A lot of things
are changing lately.

Relax, okay?

I replaced it with something
way more delicious.

Trust me, you all
are going to love it.

♪♪

What do you think of the
school's new Health Pudding?

Mmm!

Mm-hmm.
Mm-hmm.

I can practically taste
the health.

Makayla:
Thanks.

It feels good.

Wait for it.

She's gone.

[ All groaning ]

I can't tell if the flavor
was vanilla or potato.

I don't know, but it was both...
crunchy and mushy.

I-I threw up in my mouth,

and I-I couldn't tell
which was which.

It wasn't that bad.

You want
the rest of mine?

♪♪

So you're probably wondering
what I thought of Andrea.

No, actually,

I was wondering if whales
have strong familial bonds.

Okay. Well, I'm gonna
tell you anyway.

I have a bad feeling
she's a fraud.

Andy? No!
No way. She's legit.

I used her pumpkin
discount code

and got a great deal
on a hay ride.

Very boring.

Shocker.

Well, I looked up the address
to her office,

and this is
the Google Earth image.

The Quiznos?

Holy crap!
She's a franchisee?!

No. It's the little door
next to it.

I'm pretty sure that's
a dead rat in front of it.

Anyway, does this look like
the international headquarters

of a high-flying manager?

Okay. Yeah.
That is pretty sus.

We should check it out.

Best case, we bust her.
Worst case, we get toasty subs.

[ Whispering ]
Hey. Sarah.

How would you like to make
a little cash?

Okay. Who do you
need publicly shamed?

Everybody in the school hates
Makayla's Health Pudding.

I love money. You love power.
Your mom has keys.

Let's sell
underground Chicken on a Stick.

Do I like money enough
to go into business with you?

Yes, I do.

"Black-market chicken bros"
on three?

One...two...

And I regret this
already.

...three!
Black-market chick--

You got to be here
for it.

♪♪

Why are you recording?
Are we not undercover?

No.

Why did you insist
on all black?

[ Exhales sharply ]
It's slimming.

I'm recording so Robyn can see
the rat-infested crap hole

her scam-ager works out of
and --

These must be
some rich-ass rats.

Hot towel?
Kiwi-infused sparkling water?

Oh-oh! It's like I'm flying
business class on Delta.

Yeah, right.

All they did was microwave
some hand towels,

buy a soda stream, and hire
a bunch of Berkeley girls.

I went to Stanford.

[ Chuckling ]
Ooh-hoo!

Look, Robyn is clearly
in good hands.

That's what Andrea
wants you to think.

Something's not right about her.
Trust me.

I need you to have my back
on this.

Okay. Always.

Terry?

[ Chuckles ]

Mwah! Mwah!

What are you guys
doing here?

Uh, Miles actually
wanted to --

I'm a gamer, like Robyn.

And he -- h-he's always
just like the, uh, uh,

"Pew-pew!
Pew-pew-pew-pew!

Aim! sh**t! Duck!
I win!"

That -- That's him.

Anyways, I'm clearly not gonna
sign with just anybody,

so I'd like to see
your client list.

Oh. Sorry.
I don't share that.

Is that because
you don't have any clients?

What are you
getting at?

Hey, guys.
What are you doing here?

Feels like your friend
has an issue with me.

Oh, that's not true.

Right, Miles?

Miles, look at me.

Hello?

Come on, Terry.

All right, dude...
talk.

It's just that...

this woman is changing your look
and making you act different.

Some people may say
she's a bad influence.

Some people may say that
some people sound jealous.

Some people may say
they're confused

about which people
we're talking about right now.

I just want to make sure you
know what you're getting into.

What, you think I just walked in
here without doing any research?

You know I've wanted this
more than anything.

I know you do,
and that is why I'm worried --

I haven't signed anything!

My parents know about it,

and I know how to take care
of myself, okay?

Robyn --

This is uncool.

If this was you getting
your first role on Broadway,

I'd be excited for you.

♪♪

You get an "A," you get an "A."
Everybody gets an "A!"

This ball makes me feel
like Oprah!

[ Pop ]

Crap!

Makayla: Whoa.

I think I broke
my tailbone.

Well, in the words
of Mr. Escalante,

"You get knocked down,
you get up again."

Ow! Honey,
those are not his words.

Trust me.

Well, you're smiley.

I'm just feeling good

about making
a positive local change.

This feels like the real start
of my career as an activist.

All thanks to you.

Now,
if you'll excuse me,

I have to go fill out
a return receipt.

And hey,
if anybody asks,

it got delivered to me
that way.

[ Door opens, closes ]

What the stick?

♪♪

More sticks?

Bird me.

That'll be $2.50.

[ Scoffs ]

You know what?
Make it $5.

If you would like to go
somewhere else

for your Chicken on a Stick,
be my guest.

Oh! Oh, that's right.
There is nowhere else.

Give us the cash.

[ Knock on door ]

[ Singsong ]
What...do you need?

[ Screams ]

Makayla.

Hi.
Your hair looks nice.

[ Whispering ]
I just need one second.

We got to get rid
of the evidence!

Make your big mouth useful
for once and chow down!

[ Muffled ]
Get it --

What are you doing?

[ Muffled ]
What does it look like?

You're running an illegal
Chicken on a Stick ring,

and you're trying to get rid
of the evidence!

[ Muffled ] I think you're being
a little paranoid, Makayla.

This makes sense
from Luke.

But you, Sarah? You're the last
person I expected to see here.

Bird me!
Mama's got a sore tush.

I should go after her.

One for the road.

Thanks, kid.

♪♪

Uh, hey.
Have you seen Makayla?

No. Why are you
walking weird?

Why do you look weird?

Well, it's not 'cause
I'm hungry, 'cause I'm not.

[ Chuckles ] Juice is doing
the work of food.

Makayla!
There you are.

Hey.

Look, I know that
you're mad at me.

I'm not mad.

I'm just disappointed.

Straight out
of my mom's playbook.

That cut deep.

I thought you all liked
my changes,

but you were
just being fake.

Who said "steaks"?

'Cause that's
not what I want.

I'm healthy.

Look, you can make
positive change.

You just can't make people
go along with it overnight.

Real activism
takes compromise.

So I need to find an alternative
that speaks to weak people --

like you --
while preserving my ideals.

A little editorial license
taken there,

but that's basically it.

Thanks, Ms. Gomez.
That's a good thought.

Who's got
tater tots?

Hey, can I have a sip?

Yeah.

Snap out of it, man!

That is a better use
of the juice.

♪♪

Robyn:
What do you think?

[ Gasps ]
You look perfect!

And after tonight,
your life's gonna change.

You're gonna be the star
of so many memes.

You really think so?

I mean, I just kind of wish
all my friends were here.

Lyles and Terry?

You don't need them.
You got me.

You're gonna win
so many tournaments,

you're gonna be
Rihanna rich.

I'm talkin' world travel.

I do have a dream of watching
boys cry in every time zone.

Okay. So let's get going
to the event.

Grab your bag,
check your makeup,

sign this real quick,
hop in the limo, and we're off.

Wait. What am I signing
real quick?

Oh, it's just
a boilerplate agreement.

You know, legal gobbledygook.
Blah.

And is this
"legal gobbledygook blah"

another term
for "shady as hell"?

I don't know what you're
talking about, Robby.

So you saw a gamer girl

and just assumed I was an idiot,
didn't you?

I'm not giving you
80% of my winnings.

All my clients sign it.
It's standard.

Do all your clients
also give you full ownership

of their Twitch streams?

I can't believe
Miles was right.

Oh, Robby.
You're so green!

I don't see any other managers
knocking at your door.

It's Robyn.

And I don't need a manager.
I've got me.

Also, I'm keeping
this outfit

'cause I forgot to bring
a change of clothes.

[ Bell chimes ]

Okay, well, you better
get used to deleting

your own voicemails.

Ooh! Sick burn!

And, by the way, Robyn's already
a gender-neutral name.

♪♪

Ta-da!

Surprise!

Why are you dressed
like a sad sloth?

Its energy really resonates
with me.

And if I'm gonna be
a part of your entourage,

I've got to dress
the part.

Babe,
you look hysterical.

But I feel terrible,

especially about the way
I acted earlier.

I was wrong to go off
on Andrea,

although it felt pretty good
to talk down to an adult.

I'm sure
that she's a gr--

[ Singsong ]
I knew it!

I mean what happened?

She was basically trying to own
my whole life.

I mean, who did I think I was
gonna be, the next Miss Rage?

You could totally rage out,
you know?

[ Growls ]

Aah! Grr!

No.
She's my favorite gamer.

Oh.

You know, there's nothing
impossible about your dream.

You're good enough
to go pro.

Yeah. When I game, I do make a
lot of guys cry on the regular.

Again, I had allergies.

My point is, you're gaining
followers on Twitch

because of you.

The real you could go pro.

Aww.

Well, the real me wants to
get out of this costume.

[ Plastic creaking ]

Me too.

I probably
look ridiculous.

[ Camera shutter clicks ]

[ Gasps ]
Oh, my God!

I look like the cutest boy
on Earth!

Why are you
not hugging me?

Ooh!

Okay,
take -- take pictures.

Okay, okay, okay.

Here he is.
We said angles!

♪ I feel like
all these people in this room ♪

♪ Don't shine like you ♪

Hey. Everyone's asking when
the new shipment's coming in.

It's already here.

So then why are you
holding it?

Oh, Sarah, Sarah, Sarah.

You have so much to learn about
the black-market chicken trade.

You see, it's a simple thing
called "supply and demand."

The longer they wait,
the more they'll pay.

Oh, Luke, Luke, Luke.

God, I love when mansplaining
goes wrong.

Hey!
Who's your supplier?

A small farm
not far from here.

Actually,
this is really delicious.

Way better
than our bathroom birds.

Thank you, Judas,
for weighing in.

Hey, check it.
I'm Chicken Wolverine.

[ Laughs ]

And these sticks
don't even give me splinters.

Well...

w-what am I gonna do with 300
bootleg Chicken on a Sticks?

My cleanse
is officially over.

I'm ready to chew.

My teeth are all,
"Put me in, Coach!"

Mr. Escalante,
could I interest you

in some cheap chicken
I have hidden in my locker?

Lead the way.

Hey, kiddo.
I am really proud of you.

I mean, you did it.

You compromised, and you made
a real, positive change.

It's like that one time
when I wanted a pet,

but I realized
I was not responsible enough,

so I got a plant instead.

Which d*ed.
But you get the point.

Kind of.

Look. I'm --
I'm Chicken Freddy Krueger.

Oh, yeah?
I'm Edward Chickenhands.

[ Chuckling ]
That's a good one.

♪♪

[ Dragon growls, man screams ]

Robyn:
Whoa! I just crushed you guys!

Yo, not even close!

Hey, at least you guys
didn't cry.

Luke: [ Voice breaking ]
Totally.

Thanks for
inviting us over.

[ Voice breaking ]
Stupid allergies.

What's the freakin'
pollen count in here?

Unh-unh. We're not done.
Get back here.

[ Singsong ]
Thank you!

[ Up-tempo music plays ]

♪ I get starstruck around you ♪

♪ What can I do, baby? ♪

♪ I can't help it ♪

♪ I get starstruck around you ♪

♪ What can I do? ♪

♪ I'm not giving,
not giving you up ♪

♪ I'm not giving,
not giving you up ♪

♪ I'm not giving, not giving you
up, up, up, no ♪

♪ I can't help it ♪

♪ I get starstruck around you ♪

♪ What can I do, baby? ♪

♪ I can't help it ♪

♪ I get starstruck around you ♪