02x13 - Not Yet

[bunniefuu]

[THEME SONG PLAYING]

- [INDISTINCT ANNOUNCEMENT OVER PA]

- Hi.

Hey, Pen, I got Lydia's stuff you asked for.

Fuzzy Afghan she likes, picture of the Pope, picture of a different Pope, picture of your dad, picture of the family, picture of me with the family, picture of me by a waterfall.

I'm just gonna keep talking 'cause I'm not good in crisis situations.

This isn't a crisis.

Everybody, the surgery went well.

It prevented a stroke.

Now she's in a medically-induced coma.

Just have to wait for her to wake up.

She's gonna wake up, right? Yes, of course.

But you know this woman can't be rushed.

My wedding started half an hour late because she needed to adjust her tiara.

Yes, she wore a tiara to my wedding.

She wanted to match a little figure of herself on the cake.

No.

Up, up, up, up.

There will be no crying.

Your abuelita hates everything about crying.

Makes your eyes puffy, ruins your makeup, gives you mocos.

She did once tell me tears are the pee-pee of the face.

- Good vibes only.

Okay? - [SIGHS]

- Good vibes.

- Good vibes.

Yeah, I'm gonna go.

Hi, Mami.

Look who's here.

Alex, put this on her.

Elena, Papi on the nightstand, popes on the dresser, and Schneider by the waterfall in hazardous waste.

- What's up? - Oh, hi, Nurse Wally.

These your kids? Oh, no.

These are children I picked up outside, so I can show them what a coma looks like.

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

Funny.

Did you know that your mom is also a nurse? I do.

She's only told me, like, a hundred times.

- This is running low.

- That's literally why I'm here.

That's why you brought a refill, right? I'll be right back.

Why don't you two go get something to eat at the cafeteria? I swiped Nurse Wally's ID so you can get 10% off.

Mami, you go.

I'll hang out with Abuelita.

Okay.

Okay, Abuelita.

It's only you and me now.

Just the way you like it.

[SIGHS]

I know you haven't had time, but your nails are a disaster.

Don't worry.

I got you covered.

So, you'll never believe what happened at church today.

That's right, we went.

Mami, me, even Elena.

And, no, she didn't burst into flames.

I thought you'd like that one.

Anyway, Padre Jose did the homily.

And I actually learned something.

"To whom much has been given, much will be required.

" That's from Luke.

But it's also from Spider-Man.

You know who Jesus said that to? Peter.

Parker? [MOUTHING]

What? Anyway, a couple FYIs.

I made sure to record El Amor y la Sangre.

You will not believe what Rosalita did to Maria Luisa.

No spoilers, but Francisco está vivo.

[VOCALIZES]

[SIGHS]

Okay, that's all I'm gonna give you.

Okay, I think we're good.

Te quiero, Abuelita.

I know you'll wake up soon.

[DOOR OPENS]

Hi, Alex.

How's our girl? Just waiting for her to wake up.

You know she doesn't like being rushed.

"Would you tell a rose to bloom faster?" [CHUCKLES]

Oh, hi.

I'm a friend of the family.

Dr.

Leslie Berkowitz.

Oh, she has her own nurse, she has her own doctor.

Should I pull up a chair for her dentist? - Oh, hi, Doc.

- Hey.

I hope I'm not intruding.

No, no.

The more the merrier.

Yeah.

Tío Felix is on his way with sangria and a karaoke machine.

[CHUCKLES]

Oh, okay, so this is probably a good time to tell you that visiting hours are almost over.

[LAUGHS]

Okay.

Uh, this is probably a good time to tell you we're Cuban.

Great.

I am from Pittsburgh, but visiting hours are still almost over.

You don't get it, Nurse Wally.

My mom will not be left alone for one second.

When my Tía Mimi got sick, 13 of us spent the night praying at her bedside and she just had pink eye.

And then we all got pink eye.

So that's what's up.

You got it? You're little, but I'm afraid of you.

Good.

I gotta prep this bed.

I am definitely not hiding.

Alex, come with me.

Elena said the cafeteria food is a conspiracy to keep people sick, so it's all aboard the Panda Express.

Anything happens, you text me.

I'll be here in a second.

Oh.

Her nails are drying, so no hand-holding.

[SIGHS]

I gotta say, Lydia, you even make a hospital gown seem glamorous.

But something is missing.

- Uh-huh.

- [SOFT MUSIC PLAYING]

There you go.

I'm so sorry this happened on your big day, Lydia.

Strange seeing you so still and quiet.

You are the most alive person I know.

Whenever I'm around you, I feel like I'm in an opera.

Everything is dramatic and exciting, and in a language I don't understand.

And I never want the show to end.

You are my favorite diva.

You make me feel like a young man of 45.

And I haven't felt 45 since I was 22.

So I don't care what we call our relationship or friendship or whatever.

My time with you is the only thing that makes me happy.

And I know that Berto is the love of your life.

[CHUCKLES]

I get that.

But I think you might be the love of mine.

I hope that's okay with you.

Oh, drat.

I've Yeah, yeah.

Messed up a nail.

Uh [EXHALES]

Alex is gonna k*ll me.

We'll just hide this.

- [SIGHS]

- [DOOR OPENS]

I made it halfway to the restaurant.

I forgot my purse.

[GASPS]

What? Her vitals are fine.

- She's not wearing earrings! - [GASPS]

Out of the way.

Stat! [SIGHS]

Thank God she didn't wake up.

Isn't that what we want? [INHALES]

She must never know.

I was talking to the head nurse.

She gave me all these treats after I gave her this treat.

Two could play at that game.

I'll just give her money.

[SIGHS]

Elena, want some Jell-O? Jell-O is made from boiled down cow carcass.

Ooh.

More for me.

Let's go eat this in the hallway.

[SIGHS]

I'm no expert, uh, but I think we have another beauty emergency.

[SIGHS]

Abuelita, I'm putting lipstick on you, so you might wanna wake up and see this.

Mejor.

[SIGHS]

Did I ever tell you why I stopped speaking Spanish? One day, uh, you sent me to school in a puffy yellow dress with a big red bow in my hair.

I looked like Ms.

Pac-Man.

And so, at lunch, uh, I "accidentally" flushed that bow down the toilet.

Took two flushes to get it down.

When I got home, you were so mad.

And you started going off on me in Spanish, and I I just didn't hear you.

[SIGHS]

I mean, I heard you, I just didn't want to hear you.

[SIGHS]

So, instead of answering back in Spanish, I just looked at you like And you started yelling at Mom.

[IMITATES LYDIA]

"Your daughter cannot speak Spanish anymore.

She has lost her Cubanidad.

" [CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

So I had an out.

I pretend I can't speak Spanish, you ain't great at English.

It was perfect.

Except I screwed myself because I lost my Spanish.

[SNIFFLES]

I lost my connection to you.

[SIGHS]

And then last year came and I was so worried to come out to you.

[SNIFFLES]

And you surprised me with your acceptance and your love and your support.

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

You even helped me get a girlfriend.

I know men love you, but you could crush it as a lesbian.

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

So now I feel stupid because all I wanna do is talk to you.

You're exactly who you are and you don't care if anyone gets it or not.

And you're loud and opinionated.

You always think you're right.

You are so stubborn.

Oh, my God.

Am I you? [GASPS]

I should be so lucky.

[SNIFFLES]

Because you're my hero.

Y te quiero.

[WALLY CRYING]

I'm sorry.

[SNIFFLING]

I kept trying to leave and then something emotional would happen.

And then something even more emotional would happen.

You guys are very emotional people.

In Pittsburgh, it's, "Steel Town, Steel Hearts.

" [CRYING]

Oh, God.

What the hell is going on in here? - Wally's got a lot of stuff.

- [EXHALES]

That felt good.

I haven't cried since I was six and my rabbit Tupac d*ed.

For years, all those tabloid headlines saying Tupac was alive just toyed with my emotions.

I brought some stuff to make it homier for her.

I'm gonna need ten minutes.

Oh, yeah, I should probably go anyway.

The guy in 404 has been waiting, like, an hour for a sponge bath.

He must be freezing.

[CRYING]

Wow.

You would hate this lighting.

[SIGHS]

Sorry you missed the citizenship ceremony.

We'll go together when you're back on your feet.

It's so crazy how we're both immigrants.

I mean, I would never compare my story to yours, but the parallels are spooky.

You were 18, I was 18.

You left your family behind.

I left four step-families, a maid, a butler, a chauffeur, and a horse groomer who really got me.

[SIGHS]

But Father was expanding his business to the US and so I had to go.

I remember, at the airport, I was crying.

But Father put his arm around me and he said, "Son, [CLEARS THROAT]

only losers cry.

" So that was a long flight.

You don't know how dirty a dirty look can get until you're crying for a whole plane ride and you're not a baby.

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

I really didn't wanna be in America.

So I drank.

And I recreated the snowy plains of Canada with cocaine.

[SIGHS]

I'm told I attended classes at Pepperdine University, but I will have to take that on faith.

So, I'm in a detox center in El Segundo.

This was my fourth rehab.

My re-re-re-rehab.

I thought I'd been doing a kickass job keeping my drug stuff a secret from all the tenants and then you showed up in my room at that clinic.

You brought me sopa de pollo and said it's Cuban penicillin.

[CHUCKLES]

You told me, "You eat this, you get some sleep, and tomorrow, you try again.

" And then you tucked me in and kissed me good night on my forehead.

Forehead kisses are wildly underrated.

Just something really comforting about 'em.

Then again, it might just be you.

Dad never did that.

Or my horse groomer.

After I got out of rehab, I started hanging around your apartment a lot more, 'cause it helped.

Back then, it must have felt like you had this annoying, intrusive guy over.

Not like now.

'Cause now you're my family.

Don't worry.

I haven't legally changed my last name to Alvarez.

My lawyer said it was a whole thing, so Anyway, Pen said no crying, so I'm not gonna.

[SNIFFS]

Actually, for once, I agree with Father.

Only losers cry.

And we're not losing anybody today.

Let's hit that oath ceremony soon, okay? Whoa.

- Too much? - Oh, definitely.

Pretty sure it's a fire hazard.

But it's beautiful.

[KNOCK AT DOOR]

Hola.

Okay, I'm gonna stay cool, but there's definitely an exorcist guy in here.

Hi, Padre.

He's just here to do last rites.

Yeah, no.

I gotta go.

[SCHNEIDER SIGHS]

Look, I'm just having you do this because God forbid something happens and she doesn't get into heaven on a technicality.

I understand.

If you'd like to join me, please.

Thank you.

Lydia, through this holy anointing, may the Lord in his love and mercy help you with the grace of the Holy Spirit.

May the Lord who frees you from sin save you and raise you up.

Amen.

Wait.

There is one more thing.

Vicks VapoRub.

I blessed it.

Religion and science can live side by side.

Gracias, Padre.

Well, you must love this.

All these people coming in here, telling you how much they love you.

I mean, Schneider basically made you a stage.

You are the star of your coma, Mami.

But let me tell you something, viejita, I'm not part of this.

You're not getting a tearful bedside speech from me because I'm still mad about our fight last night.

I know you like to have the last word, but this is dramatic, even for you.

You can't have a stroke to win an argument, Mami.

It's not fair.

I mean, yeah, I said some unkind things.

[SIGHS]

But you were being so you.

Then when you told me I was making a mistake breaking up with Max, I remembered another time you told me I was making a mistake.

It's when I enlisted in the army.

You remember that? [CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

We have had a lot of arguments, but that one is definitely in the top three.

Right after, "Don't get divorced," and, "Brown lipstick is for hoochies.

" Here is the most patriotic woman I know.

A woman who, every Fourth of July, makes us sing the national anthem while eating red, white, and blue flan.

Then, on my first day of basic training, Papi drove me to the airport alone, while you stayed home, pouting.

[VOICE BREAKING]

You didn't even say goodbye to me.

I never brought it up because whatever, man, life goes on.

But I was leaving for boot camp, I was 18 and I was scared and you weren't there for me.

You know what pissed me off even more? Knowing your story about how, when you left Cuba, how your mami held your hand the whole car ride to the airport.

Kissed your forehead, and sang "Cielito Lindo" so you wouldn't feel afraid.

How you felt so loved.

Thank God that Papi was there for me, because you weren't.

I didn't know if what I was doing was right or not, joining the army, but guess what? It turned out to be very right.

Because I met Victor and I had those great kids.

And because I served, I get to go to school and live my dream.

So look at that.

Not a mistake after all.

Kind of the best decision I ever made in my freaking life.

And I did it without your blessing.

So I guess I didn't need your support then, and maybe I don't need it now.

[CRYING]

Mami, please, wake up and argue with me.

Please, Mami.

I'm not ready.

Not yet.

[SIGHS]

I'm not gonna say goodbye.

You hear me, Mami? Because I understand now why you didn't say goodbye to me when I went to the army.

Because you were scared I wasn't coming back.

And I forgive you because now I'm afraid.

And I'm not gonna say goodbye.

But instead, what I'm gonna say is this.

You did a really good job being my mami.

And because of that, we're gonna be okay.

I love you so much.

But if you need to go, it's okay.

It's okay.

[SIGHS]

[IN SPANISH]

That beauty mark that you have Pretty darling Next to your mouth Don't give it to anyone Pretty darling For it is mine Ah, ah, ah, ah Sing and don't cry Because by singing they get happy Pretty darling, the hearts Hola, mi vida.

I am here to pick you up.

[GASPS]

Ay, Berto.

- You really kept me waiting, mujer.

- [CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

You know I cannot be rushed.

- Would you tell a rose to bloom faster? - [CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

If I didn't know any better, I'd say you did this to remain a Cuban citizen until the end.

[CHUCKLES SOFTLY]

Are you suggesting that I am being - dramatic? - [CHUCKLES]

- Sí, that is what I'm saying.

- [CHUCKLING]

Lucky for you, I like it.

And I am not the only one.

- Tell me about this Dr.

Berkowitz.

- [SCOFFS]

Berto, he's just a friend.

But I like that you are jealous.

I am jealous, amor.

But I cannot blame this man for having excellent taste.

- [CHUCKLES]

- Ay, mírala.

When she's sleeping, she still looks 12.

[CHUCKLES]

Yeah, but I'm still mad at her.

Ay, mi vida, why? Because she had a good man and she let him go.

All about whether or not to have a baby.

The greatest gift.

And we make such good-looking ones.

[CHUCKLES]

It's true.

Lupe said she was too old, but I would have had a baby with you at any age.

- Hmm.

- Fifty.

Sixty.

We could make a baby right now.

Don't tempt me.

Actually, if I remember correctly, I wanted to have many more babies, but you wanted to go back to dancing.

Oh, right.

Don't tell her.

[CHUCKLES]

Ay, Dios mío.

You have lived one hell of a life.

That's true.

And I managed to be glamorous to the end.

I knew I could do it! [BOTH CHUCKLE]

- Fue maravilloso.

- Mmm.

[SIGHS]

And now, Elena's going to be graduating from high school, then college, then graduate school, then a doctorate.

I just wish I could be there to say, "You can't go to school forever.

Get a job.

" And then there is Papito.

Ay, Dios mío, ese niño.

[SIGHS]

He just gets me.

You are my soul mate, but he is my other half.

I will miss him getting married.

I would have looked so good on top of that wedding cake.

[SMACKS LIPS]

Pero Lupe What's the matter? Are you worried she won't be okay without you? No, no.

That's just it.

Obviously, she will be devastated and her bereavement will be written about in the history books.

She's gonna fine.

Our daughter is magnificent.

She is a spectacular mother and woman and nurse and fighter and healer.

Our daughter heals people, Berto.

And that is a tribute to your mothering, mi vida.

Yes.

My work here is done.

And let's be honest, God could use my help.

So, mi amor is it time? Not yet, mi vida.

Not yet.

Oh, thank God my nails are done.

- Mami! - [GROANING]

Mami! Abuelita.

Hello.

[LAUGHING]

"I will support and defend the Constitution and laws of the United States of America against all enemies, foreign and domestic.

" Mai Ling.

Lydia Margarita Del Carmen Inclan Maribona Leytevidal de Riera.

- Yeah! - [CHEERING]

Así! [LAUGHING]

Dale, Abuelita, dale! Dale, Abuelita, dale! [VOCALIZING]

- Dale, Abuelita, dale! - Ay! There are more people.

Sorry.

Sorry, sorry.

James Rose.

[MUSIC PLAYING]