03x02 - Quack Pack!

[bunniefuu]

Matching outfits? Check.

Professional photographer?
Hired.

A million- dollar smile?
Big check.

Nothing's going to keep us

from taking our best
family portrait ever.

[scatting]

[sighs]

- Oh, Hubert!
- [sigh]

Unexpected complication?
Check.

Guess who's got big plans
for this year's family portrait?

It's me!

Nope.

All Uncle Donald wants is
a normal family photo for once.

That bear was pretty cool
once you got to know him.

Everything has
to be perfect.

So no shenanigans
this time.

I'll try, but I've
shenanid- once,

I'll shenan- again.

Zing! "Dewble" entendre.

For the last time,

you cannot charge people money

to watch Della
jump off the roof.

But I used to jump off the roof
all the time on the moon.

Where there was
no gravity.

The more dangerous it is,
the more money we can charge.

Hm.

- Still no.
- Uncle Scrooge,

is your office all fixed up
for the family picture?

We've got about


Of course it is.

You asked him to do it
weeks ago.

He would never break a promise
to his family.

Exactly. Now if you'll
excuse us,

we have to do something
entirely unrelated.

Oh, boy. So are we backing out
awkwardly to pull a scheme?

Ready for the photo,
Mrs. B?

I'm ready for anything.
There's been troubling reports

of a dangerous criminal agent

breaking into houses
in the area.

Keep an eye out.

Good thing we have our own
professional spy in the house.

Webby, I'm not a spy.

I'm not a spy.

Ha!

Uncle Donald, does something
feel, I don't know, off?

[in normal voice] Ahem, well,
everything seems perfectly

normal to me.

♪ Duck Tales, whoo- ooh ♪

[announcer] Quack Pack was taped
in front of a live audience.

- What's wrong?
- You just sound different.

Scratchy throat. I, uh,
haven't been sleeping much

with all the stress
of the photo

and the lighting
and the Dewey and...

- [gasps]
- Oh, right. Sure.

Don't worry. It'll be perfect.
Let's go check on the office.

And you'll feel much better
once the photographer arrives.

He's the best.
A true artiste.

- That's French for "artist."
- [inhales and exhales]

Webby, can you keep an eye open
for the photographer?

Oh, yeah.

- [grunts]
- [doorbell rings]

Knox Quackington, photographer,
artiste, extraordinaire.

I'm an observer of life.

I travel the globe,

uncovering mankind's
deepest secrets.

He's a spy.

- I'm sorry?
- You will be.

I mean, we'll be happy
to be your subjects.

[laughs nervously]
This way.

No, no, no, no, no, no.
It's much too dark in here...

- [loud thud]
- [Knox screams]

[Knox]
No! Why? Oh, you're so strong!

But so small.

All right, Uncle Scrooge,

how much of the study
have you actually fixed?

[gasps]

Oh. That's not so bad.

Aah!

How could you let it
get like this?

The first repairman
wanted too much to fix it.

And the more I waited,
the worse it got,

and the higher the price got,

- and...
- Oh, my gosh, you lied.

What a terrible example.

All my future lies are now
legally your fault.

Grab a hammer, kids.
We've got 20 minutes.

Why don't you just
hire somebody?

Time is money, lad,

and I'd rather spend time,
because it's not money.

Louie, keep an eye
on the door.

Let us know if Huey and Donald
are coming.

- Wait, what?
- Wait, what?

They're coming.

Oh, boy. Oh, boy.
Oh, boy.

How am I supposed to fix this
before the photo?

Calm down, guys.
We can pick another room.

No, no, no, no, no.
This office has the best light

to capture the glint
of the buttons on the outfits.

Oh, right. Rebuilding an entire
room is much easier

than recapturing button glint.

What was I thinking?

Guys, I can't find the right
rakish grin for the photo, and...

You have bigger
problems.

- [hyperventilating]
- Easy, Uncle D.

You know what you need?

A nice, relaxing scalp massage
and haircut for the portrait.

You're in Dewey's hands now.

All right, people,
we are in full crisis mode.

According to the
Junior Woodchuck Guidebook...

Wait, why are all
the pages blank?

Maybe you ran it
through the wash.

Back on the moon,
we had an old saying:

always check your pockets.

[audience laugh track]

Stop laughing.

I didn't laugh.

What's going on here?

I'd never let anything happen
to my JWG.

And where is that laughter
coming from?

Breathe. Relax.

Let your professional
hairstylist work his magic.

[sighs]
Wow, it is so nice

to finally have
my own hairstylist.

Wait, since when are you
a hairstylist?

Since the Internet.

[cackles]

Guys, something really weird
is going on here.

- [audience laugh track]
- What is that sound?

The sound of jaws
hitting the floor

when I reveal
my new "Dew" do.

Shabooey!

What did you do
to your hair?

The same thing
I did to yours.

What?

- [audience laugh track]
- Are you guys hearing that?

Hello? Guys? Guys?

[upbeat sitcom music plays]

Where is that music
coming from?

Why are the lights fading?
What is happening

[horns honking]

[chorus] ♪ It's the fizzy
When you're busy carbonation ♪

♪ So fresh ♪

♪ Say hello to flavor ♪

♪ Let the fruit do the rest ♪

♪ Put that Pep in your step ♪

♪ Pep in your step ♪

♪ Put that Pep in your step ♪

♪ Pep in your step ♪

♪ Fruity sensation ♪

♪ Wave revolution ♪

♪ When it's busy
Calm your day ♪

[announcer]
Put some Pep in your Step.

And now, back to Quack Pack.

- [audience laugh track]
- What is going on?

Everything went black,
then someone drank a Pep.

And what is Quack Pack?

Something weird
is going on here,

but I can't
put my finger on it.

[laughs]
You seem stressed.

Look, did I put
too much pressure on you

about this photo sh**t?

No, I'm stressed
because the veil of reality

is disintegrating
and no one else seems to notice!

Sounds like someone needs
some Pep in his step.

Why don't you get
some rest?

I'll handle the photo duties
from here.

[screams]

[camera clicks]

Snooping around,
seemingly everywhere at once,

pulling all the strings.

I know who
you really are.

[clearing throat]
It's not what you think.

Put a cork in it, spy.

Phew! I mean, spy?

No, I am just a whimsically
eccentric photographer.

Oh, really?

I'm going to get
my grandma,

and she's not very nice,

even though she's
the world's best grandma.

I really don't have
the slightest idea

what you're talking about.

Launchpad.

Yo.

Keep an eye on him.
He's a secret agent.

Whoa. An agent?

This guy's really an agent?

Yes, but it's a secret.

So we have to play
really quiet.

Two, three, four...

[yelps]

Oh, no, my outfit.

Wait, why am I mad
about that?

Guys, something is very wrong.

- Nothing's wrong!
- Everything's fine!

- A third thing!
- I'm talking about

how we're trapped
in a mystical prison

that's constantly
laughing at us.

What are you
talking about?

- [all] That.
- [audience laugh track]

There it is again.

Aah! Who are those
little guys?

What little guys?
You're talking crazy, Huey.

Wait, is that
Randy and Johnny?

Is this an ad?

Wait a second.

It's blank because it's a prop.

No pipes,
no insulation.

This isn't real.
This is a set.

We're on a TV show!

[audience]
Ooh!

Wow, I figured if anyone
would cr*ck, it'd be Dewey.

Take it easy, honey.

Back on the moon,
I used to snap too.

Of course, that was from
soul- crushing loneliness.

Okay, I'll prove it.

In all this time
fixing the room,

have you noticed it only has
three walls?

Oh, don't be daft, lad.
Of course there's a fourth wall.

Oh, really?

Have you actually
looked at it?

[audience murmuring]

Okay, that is a little weird.

Aah! We're trapped.

How are we supposed
to get out of here?

How does anything happen
on a TV show?

We need some
wacky hijinks.

On it.

How did I get here?
Why am I dancing?

Oh, phooey.

Webby, have you seen
the photographer?

Nope. Have you seen
the meat tenderizer?

What?

No reason.

Cute girl stuff.

Great. What else
could go wrong?

Hiya, neighbor.

[audience cheers]

[chuckles]

Whoa!

Hi, Goofy.

I just came over
to borrow some ketchup.

[giggles]

Hm.

Something seems different
about you.

New shirt?

[sighs]

What's the matter?

We're taking this big
family portrait,

but I can't find
the photographer.

Gosh, I wish I could help.

But I got to get back to work
at the photography studio.

Wait, Goofy,
you can help.

Because I need
a photographer.

Oh! Of course.

I'll head down
to the studio

and see if one of my fellow
photographers can help you.

Say, I'm a photographer.

Why don't I help you
instead?

[playing off- key]

[audience cheers]

Thank you, thank you.

And for our next...

Huh?

What in the blazes?

What did you do?

Oh, no. The office.
The outfits.

The glint on the buttons.
The photo's ruined.

Forget the photo.
We're trapped in a TV show.

First we get an audition,
and now we get a TV show?

Wow, you're good.

Guys, this is nuts.

Shouldn't we, I don't know,
be on an adventure or something?

Well, getting the lid off that
peanut butter was an adventure.

I think the lad is right.
We should be adventuring.

We need to figure out
what happened

before this morning.

Pfft, easy.

Louie broke Della's
favorite vase

and learned an important lesson
about honesty.

I'm not talking about what
happened in the last episode.

I'm talking about how we got
stuck here in the first place.

If only I could remember...

[echoing]
Remember...

Ah!

[all scream]

Wait, that's it.

We need a flashback.

Everyone, tilt your head
to the left

and gently stroke
your chins.

Okay, guys, we should really get
back to the plot...

Photo.

[harp music]

[Huey]
Reminisce harder. It's working!

Suck on stone, you scabrous
scorpion scoundrels.

[all hiss]

Beach's journal says the lost
lamp of Collie Baba is here.

How many lamps
did this jerk have?

All we have to do is b*at the
scorpions, survive the gauntlet,

then travel four days
through the desert on foot.

[all chatter]

[in Donald Duck voice]
I wish we could just have

normal family problems.

[cackles]

Your wish is my command.

Shabooey!

[all]
Donald!

[in normal voice]
Oh, phooey.

- Curse me kilts.
- Back on the moon...

- That's how he Dewey's it.
- I'm not a spy.

Everyone,
stop catchphrasing.

Wait, is "I'm not a spy"
seriously my catchphrase?

[audience cheers]

Uncle Donald,
you wished for this?

I wish for this
five times a day.

How was I supposed to know this
time there'd be a lamp under me?

Wait, that genie
from the flashback

looked awfully familiar.

[chair thudding]

Hey, where do you think
you're going, photographer?

Or should I say, spy?
Or should I say, genie?

Okay, okay, you got me.

Shabooey.

The name's Gene.

Nice to meet you.

You're the guy
from the Pep commercial.

How many more secrets
does this agent have?

Release us from this
paranormal TV prison,

you pernicious
presto peddler.

Ooh, sorry,
I cannot do that.

- [growls]
- I'm just a humble genie

carrying out Donald's wish
for a perfect family.

This is your idea
of the perfect family?

How long have you been
in that lamp?

Ages.

The long- ago year of 1990.

Send us home right now,
buddy!

This is all just a wacky mix- up,
which, to be fair,

usually makes for good TV,
am I right?

- [growls]
- Sorry, I can't help you.

Only the lamp's master
can do that.

He's got two wishes left,
you know.

You've been able to wish us out
this whole time?

Come on,
it's not so bad here, is it?

Silly problems,
comforting music,

and everything gets resolves
nicely in the end

with no one getting hurt
or captured or lost.

But it's not who we are.

We go on adventures,
travel the world, defy danger.

That's what makes us, us.

[saccharine music plays]

You know what? Maybe we should
be more normal.

If you want out, fine.
I'll be in Scrooge's office,

getting ready for our normal
family photo.

[door slams]

If Donald won't
wish us out,

how long will we be
stuck in here?

Well, next week Launchpad has
three dates on the same night,

then Louie loses his pet snake
in the house.

Probably at least three seasons,
plus spinoffs.

And I assume they'll reboot
the show eventually.

So, forever?

Yeah. Sorry.

Oh, it's not so bad, guys.

We get to stay here
where I'm a star,

and everyone thinks
I'm hilarious.

Sha- Dewey, am I right?

[audience laughs]

Dewey, this place
is horrifying.

We have to find the lamp
and wish ourselves

out of this nightmare.

[audience boos]

[all gasp]

[all cackling]

[all screaming]

The crowd's turned on us.
We got to get out of here.

- Go, go, go, go, go!
- Careful.

The wish won't make it easy.

[cackles]

[Huey yelps and screams]

[Huey]
What are those things?

Horrible flesh- faced monsters!

Run!

I'm trying.
Self- esteem too low.

Their disapproval
my only weakness.

[all booing]

[all grunt]

What shambolic sorcery is this,
genie?

I tried to tell you.
Donald made the wish.

If you try to escape,

the wish will only fight
to preserve itself.

Everyone split up
and try to find the lamp.

Hi, Launchpad,
I'm here for our study date.

If you're studying with her,

when were you
planning on getting

a burger and shake
with me?

- [shrieks]
- Or take our romantic

hot- air balloon ride
to Aruba?

Oh, jeez,
you all seem real nice.

I feel really bad
about the mix- up.

See here, young lady.

Take that personal trip
yourself.

Discover who you are
on your own.

Have some self- respect.

You can find a better
study partner than Launchpad!

No offense, LP.

Aah!

Here, we got to look
for that lamp.

Check in the couch cushions.

- [hisses]
- Aah! My pet snake!

Louie, why would you
have this?

This is a poorly conceived
storyline!

Everyone's a critic.

[Huey]
Uncle Scrooge, help!

[Johnny] I'm Johnny,
the brains of the outfit.

[Randy] And I'm his twin brother Randy,
the handsome one.

- [audience booing]
- What now?

Put a little Pep
in your step!

[all scream]

[evil cackling]

[distant screaming]

Well, it sounds like
they're having a good time.

Guess they won't be joining me
for the family portrait.

I suppose they're just
a little mad.

- [electricity zaps]
- Whoa!

Is it too much to ask

to have my family
be like other families for once?

Donald, in my experience,

the best photos
are the ones

that aren't all staged
and pretty.

Like this photo of me and Maxie
on a roller coaster.

I was terrified
and almost lost my lunch.

[laughs]

Sure, it was scary.

Sure, I got stuck at the top
of a loop- de- loop,

and Max had to catch me

and swing me
into a cotton candy stand.

But the park gave us
free admission for life

and all the cotton candy
we could eat.

And Max and I
made a memory.

That's just who we are.

Is it so wrong
to want to be normal?

I reckon every family
has their own normal.

Please tell me
this is to be continued!

Listen, g*ng, I...
What the...?

[all snicker]

That's my family.

Whoo! Yeah, Uncle Donald!

- Whoo!
- [excited chatter]

[camera clicks]

[yelps]

[plays jazzy melody]

[laughing]

[grunts]

[audience cackling]

Let's get quacking.

[all grunting]

Whoops. Sorry.

Huh?

[gasps]
The lamp!

A lamp in a lamp?

How are you going
to get that down?

[howls]

I wish to undo my last wish.

Your wish is my command.

Shabooey!

Say something funny, Dewey.

Something funny, Dewey.

[silence]

Ah- ha!

The sound of nobody laughing
never sounded so good.

[in Donald Duck voice]
We're back.

[cackles]

Best episode ever.

[Goofy]
Gosh, that's sweet.

Wait, Goofy was really here
this whole time?

Of course.
Magic's got nothing

over the power
of a big- name guest star.

Whoa!

You know you have
one more wish.

You could have anything.

You wasted your last wish
on having a stupid framed photo?

How about infinite wishes,
or another genie?

To become a genie yourself?

There's, like,
a million...

I like it.

It's perfect.