05x05 - Doug: A Limited Corporation

[bunniefuu]

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boop bop boop ♪

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boo-doo-bop ♪

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boop bop boop ♪

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boo-doo-bop ♪

[whistling]

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boop bop boop ♪

[chattering]

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boo-doo-bop ♪

-[chuckling]
-Pfft.

[growling]

[screaming]

[yelping]

[whistling]

[indistinct talking]

♪ Ba-ba-du-bop boop bop boop du-bop ♪

[announcer] It's the final
Beets Farewell Concert!

These guys hate each other.

And to prove it,

they're breaking up for good!

It's the concert experience of a lifetime!

You'll rock to the sounds of music

from four separate stages!

♪ Shut your face! ♪

♪ Just shut up! ♪

Give me that back, you lounge lizard!

[announcer] Your head could explode

if you even think about missing it.

Tickets go on sale next week!

I can't take your attitude!

Ya tall geek!

Ooh! Ooh! That hurt! That hurt!

Well, guys,

I guess it's time to break up the act.

"I owe myself $5.00"?

[growls]

Why don't these things
ever have money in them?

[footsteps]

That's me!

[discordant riff]

[Doug] I didn't have a cent to get tickets
for the Beets Concert.

It looked like there was no choice.

I was gonna have to get the money

the old-fashioned way-- beg!

We just don't have money
to give away for a concert.

It's not just a concert, Dad.

It's the final Beets Farewell Concert.

I understand, but you've got to understand

that money doesn't grow on trees.

And speaking of trees,

babies don't grow on them either.

I don't think we ever
finished our little talk.

You see, when a man and a woman--

But, dad, I know all that.

-You do?
-You explained it to me

that time I wanted to enter that
stupid puzzle contest,

and when I wanted that really expensive
skateboard.

I know money doesn't grow on trees.

[relieved] Oh, that.

I've learned my lesson!

Besides, this isn't
some stupid skateboard.

It's the final Beets Farewell, Dad!

Pleeeease!

Well, if you got a job,

you might earn enough for a ticket.

[Doug] Maybe Dad had a point.

With a job, I might earn
enough money to get two tickets.

Oh, Doug!

Tickets!

Yeah.

Ahh!

Tickets.

But what kind of job could I get?

[woof woof woof]

Ohh! Ohh!

[whimpers]

Lemonade?

Nah. That works about as often as
breaking a piggy bank.

I need a real job. Something like...

[announcer] It's the UP Real Late Show,

starring...

Douglassss...

Funnie!

[applause]

Welcome back to the show.

My guest tonight is Monroe Yoder
of the Beets.

So, Monroe, I guess everyone has heard

that after all these years,

the Beets will be giving
their final concert.

So, tell me...

Can you get me some free tickets?

Yeah. Me, too. Ha ha!

Ha ha ha!

[crash]

Ahh!

On the other hand,

it might be months before I get
a talk show.

What about Grandma Funnie?

Maybe she could use an assistant
in her craft shop

after school, Douglas.

Oh, you mean selling

paint-the-clown-by-number kits
and string art?

That's so you, Dougie!

Judith!

I mean it.

Grandma Edna's Craftee Shoppee.

"Hip City."

And just think of the perks.

Free rickrack,

all the saltwater taffy you can eat.

[Doug] Judy was probably right about
Grandma Edna's Craftee Shoppee.

It certainly wasn't as cool
as having your own talk show.

And besides, was it just me,

or did a job seem like a lot of work?

Even if I couldn't buy tickets
to the Final Beets Farewell Concert,

I could still see it the way
I usually saw concerts--

Up on on Founder's Hill.
And anyway, who knew?

Patti might actually like
sitting on the hill with me.

[Roger] Let's see. The Final Beets
Farewell Concert

is coming up in, um...

Carry the zero...

Hmm...

[mechanical voice] Error! Error!

Incorrect entry!

Ah! Who cares?

Stupid date book!

[beeping]

[mechanical voice] Hey, watch it!
Stop it, Roger!

What I'm trying to say is,

you got a date for the concert, Patti?

Maybe I'm not going with anyone, Roger.

People can go to concerts
by themselves, you know.

Yeah. You wanna go with me, Patti?

Oh. It's nice of you to ask, Roger.

I, um, well... Can I think about it?

I guess, but chop-chop, little missy.

Concert's expensive,
but I bet it's a sellout.

Of course, you could always
go with Funnie here

and sit on top of mount loser!

Hee hee hee! Right, Funnie?

Ha ha. Oh, come on, Roger,

Give Doug a break.

He'd never ask Patti

to do something that dumb.
Would you, Doug?

[weak laugh]

Welcome aboard, grandson.

We'll have a wonderful time, won't we?

[Doug] My grandmother has her own way
of doing business.

I don't want to make a fortune.

You keep it simple. That's my motto.

[Grandma] Just like it says...

[whispering] And I believe it.

I just want to have a nice place
for my homegirls to hang.

And my wonderful grandson, too.

[all] Ohh! That's so sweet!

[Doug] Well, the work was simple enough,

and grandma and her friends
were sure nice.

Oh, would you look at him!

He looks just like a real clerk.

[Doug] But I had a long way to go

before I'd have enough money
for the Beets Farewell Concert.

Just how long I found out my first payday.

"I.O.U."?

I'm so sorry, Douglas,

but it's been a slow week.

I-I understand, grandma.

I promise I'll pay you next week.

[Doug] It looked like
getting paid by Grandma

wasn't much better than getting paid
by my piggy bank.

Oh, Doug, I've told everybody we're going!

Hold it!

What are these?

[singing]

[sheepishly] Keep it... simple?

You loser!

[Doug] After one week of working
at my grandmother's craft shop,

I had less money than when I started.

So Skeeter and I
decided to do some browsing

at Sully's Comic and Book Nook.

[sighs] "I.O.U."

At this rate, I won't have enough money
to buy a ticket

until the Beets reunion.

[Roger] Gimme the Beets comic.

They're bound to be worth a lot someday.

Which one do you want?

All of 'em, Mr. Brainiac.

Hmm. Must be nice to be rich.

I heard Roger's gonna buy
a whole row of seats at the concert

just to stretch out.

[Roger] Hey! What's this?

It's called scum.

It's the latest thing.

Doesn't do much.
It's just slimy green stuff.

[squelch]

Hey, Funnie...

Take that!

Huh? Uhh!

I'll take a dozen.

They're five dollars each,

and with the comic books
that comes to-- um, let's see--

Five dollars! For that junk!

Man, I wish I had that kind of money!

Skeeter, that's it!

What? Did I just inadvertently solve
one of your problems

with my mindless free association?

I know how I can get a ticket!

Two tickets! Great tickets!

You're not gonna try
to get it out of Roger, are you, man?

That's crazy talk!

No, not out of Roger.

Out of this!

[Doug] I showed Grandma
how scum would be good for business.

So, after talking it over
with the girls...

[whispering] Give him a...

Well, I like the idea.

Sure, Edna, anything for Douglas.

Doug, as long as you're willing to accept
the added responsibility,

I've decided to give you
a little more say-so

in the operation of the store.

Thanks, Grandma.

Just remember our motto--

Keep it simple.

Doug?

[Doug] So I made a few changes...

[switches station to heavy rock]

Let's see. We got scum...

Edible toenails...

Hmm... yeah.

[Doug] And by the end of that week...

[people chattering]

Wow! "Chuck upchuck,
the TV newsman that pukes."

Serious fun.

"Edgy the chihuahua.

He toots!"

Ha ha! Ha ha! Ha ha!

[Doug] Pretty soon, I had enough money

to take Patti to the concert.

[Grandma] Doug, I have some concerns
about the shop.

I know what you're thinking,
and you're right.

"Grandma Edna's Craftee Shoppee"

just isn't cutting it
as a store name anymore.

-It isn't?
-But don't worry.

I've got the perfect name.

The Scum Pit.

The Scum Pit?

Grandma Edna's Scum Pit?

Gotta run. Think about it.

[Doug] I had to get there early

to make sure I got
the best seats in the house.

-But I wasn't first.
-Yo, dude.

Been here three weeks, dude.

I gotta have primo seats, man.

[snoring]

[Doug] Finally, hours later...

Cash or charge?

Huh? Bummer, dude.

Forgot my money.

Two, please.

Front row, center.

Wow! Great tickets, man!

[chattering]

[Roger] Would you look at this line?

Hey, Funnie, how'd you get those?

He waited for hours, man.

Oh. Sell me one.

Forget it, Roger.

I'll make it worth it!

Besides, what do you need two tickets for?

You don't think Mayonnaise wants to
go with you, do you?

Why not?

One simple rule--

No girl wants to go out with some guy

they think is gonna try to borrow money
from 'em.

Chicks want a guy to be rich.

Like me. Think about it.

This offer won't last forever.

[coughing]

[Doug] Even though
he was completely wrong,

I had this nagging feeling
Roger might be, well,

right.

I mean, what would taking her
to the concert really mean?

We're going on that?

[Doug] Well, yeah.
Didn't think you's mind.

[whistles]

[Patti] Uh...

Um...

Go ahead. Who could blame you?

Thanks, Doug.

See ya.

[Roger] Would you like something?

Ice cream? Cola? Hot tub?

Or maybe-- maybe we could
just skip the concert altogether!

Roger.

[thump]

Boy, this thing needs a tune-up.

It's coming from up there!

May I cut in?

-Grab on, Patti!
-Oh, Doug!

Whoa!

Come on!

Is this even possible?

Oh, Doug, you're so...

-Daredevilly?
-[Patti] [sighing] Yeah.

♪ Polyester ♪

♪ You got prickly heat ♪

♪ Prickly heat ♪

♪ On your seat ♪

OK. Maybe I won't actually
pull her from a moving car.

But if Roger's going to the concert
in his limo,

I gotta try to get her there in style.

I mean, how much could
a helicopter run for anyway?

-Aah!
-Ohhh!

Well, maybe I could rent a limo or two.

Ah! Ooh!

[Skeeter] According to my calculations,

if you keep making the same amount
you are now,

You'll have enough money for a limo in,
let's see, uh,

six point two

Six point two. Six point two what?

Years? Months? Weeks?

Um... Let me start over.

It doesn't matter anyway.

The concert's in a couple of weeks.

I can't wait 6.2 anything.

Are you sure it's not 1.2? 2.2?

Nope. Checked the math.

It's definitely 6.2. Sorry, man.

[Doug] Maybe it would be better
to sell Roger the tickets.

At least Patti wouldn't have
to be seen at the concert

with a big, bike-riding,
no-cool-outfit, 6.2 loser.

I mean, how am I ever
gonna get enough money

to impress her the way Roger would?

[man on TV] Coffee-flavored foam!

It's the latest trend!

And today I spoke to the founder
of Starbluff's--

Bill Bluff.

I take my cue from the people.

And when you ask people what they like,

they all want a nice
$4.00 cup of flavored air.

[Doug] So Grandma talked it over
with her homegirls

and decided foam was a good thing,

even if it meant taking out a loan.

This is what we need...

All right!

Your loan was approved.

Thank you so much, Mr. Feely.

Coming up: sexy swimwear,
fashions for Fido,

and another one of those stories
about the Middle East.

But first, here's Felix with a report

on a young entrepreneur with a dream.

[Felix] Take a craft store, cross it with
a comic book shop,

and throw in a hot foam bar,
and what have you got?

The result is something called Ednaesque.

It's the brainstorm of one resourceful
young man and his grandmother.

Even if you are not a hot foam aficionado,

you will find it hard to resist this brew.

Has success changed
this young Horatio Alger?

No, sir.

I'm just a regular, hard-working kid.

Wanna buy some scum?

Back to you, Ted.

[cameraman] And... We're clear.

Did I sound dumb?

My hair was really throwing me off.

Where's the giant foamachino?

Did you guys see my giant foamachino?

Oh. I think I saw him
go around the corner.

[Doug] Skunky, where are you going?

Phew. Hot in here, dude.

Need some cooling refreshment.

Well, just remember,
when you're out there,

you're a big, happy cup of foam, right?

Fluffy and foamy.

Make sure you're fluffy and foamy.

Affirmatory, dude.

Good job!

Ahhh!

Cold.

Ow! Oh! Oh!

Ooh! Ooh! Ow! Ooh!

Oh! Uhh!

Oh! Ow! Ooh!

[crash]

[Skunky] Dude!

[Doug] In all excitement
of putting together the perfect date,

I almost forgot the most important thing.

What I'm trying to say, Patti, is...

How would you like to go
to the Beets Concert in style?

Sure thing, man. Ha ha.

I mean, if I were Patti, I'd say yeah.

Sounds great to me.

Shh! Here she comes.

Hey, Doug! Hey, Skeeter!

Uh, just leaving.

Say, Patti, um...

I had a question to ask you.

What is it, Doug?

Well, I was wondering if--

[telephone rings] Oh! Just a sec. Hello?

[whispering] I'll be with you in one--

Doug, have you seen your friend
the giant foam?

He-- He seems to have disappeared.

Whoa!

[banging and crashing]

Oh! Aah! [crash]

[Skunky panting]

[ship's horn blows]

[whispering] Look, I'm on my way.

Don't do anything.

Patti... I gotta go.

But I have a surprise.

Ah!

-Are you going to the concert with anyone?
-No...

Great. Perfect.

But...

[Doug] With only a little
more than a week left

until the Final Beets Farewell Concert,

everything was going great.

I had the perfect tickets...

And I'd lined up everything
to make it a perfect night.

Meanwhile, business was great!

Skunky called to say
he'd be back real soon.

[Wendy] I want my last concert to say,

good-bye and drop dead, Beets!

But I need something really brutal
to finish with.

You know, something to launch
my solo career.

Something nobody's ever seen before.

Say, what's that?

[skunky humming]

Whoa!

[Doug] Meanwhile, I'd turned Granda's
simple little craft shop

into the trendiest hot spot in town.

[man on TV] Where do you go

for the hottest foam
and the coolest music?

Just one place--

Starbluff's.

Now in Bluffington!

Check out our new Mumbo Street location!

It's the musically
foamiest hot spot in town!

That's funny. Mumbo Street is...

The street we're on!

Don't worry, grandma,
it's just a dumb fad.

[Doug] But the day of the concert,

the dumb fad was still going strong.

-Uh... excuse me.
-Huh?

Is your grandmother inside?

[Doug] In the end,

it turned out we had to return
all the foam machines

and all the rest of the stuff.

Luckily, I had enough money set aside

to put the shop back the way it was.

I'm sorry, Grandma.

I didn't expect it to turn out like this.

Nobody could have guessed, Doug.

It was a good experiment,

and you lived up to your responsibility,

and I am proud of you.

[switches station back to easy listening]

So, did we pay everybody?

[Skeeter] You just made it, man.

I used my savings to pay off the scum guy.

Skeeter, I thought the only money you had

you were saving for the Beets.

Oh, no.

You-- you don't mean you--

Well...

Skeeter, you can't do that.

You gotta go to the concert.

Uh-oh.

Uh-oh, what?

[Doug] I forgot to pay the movers!

Looks like you'll have to ask your grandma
for the money.

No.

Don't worry.

I know who can bail me out.

[cash register jingles]

[Roger] Happy to pay you guys.

Fine work. Good job.

Here's a little extra for your trouble.

Thanks, Roger.

No problem, pal. See ya.

[coughing]

Hey. Wait. I don't get it.

How did you talk Roger
into paying the movers?

I had something he wanted.

What?

[gasps]

Oh, no!

Tickets.

Wow! Great tickets!

Enjoy the show!

Don't worry. I will.

After you.

[crowd cheering]

Wow, Roger! Front row, center!

How'd you ever get such great seats?

Ah, some loser owed me money!

I wonder where Doug is.

I heard he had good seats, too.

You're sittin' in 'em.

What are you talking about?

Funnie's probably up on Mount Nosebleed.

These are his tickets.

The doof almost lost his granny's shop
to get 'em!

Ah! I would have let the old lady sit out
in the cold

before I'd deprive you of this concert.

[announcer] All right, Bluffington!

Are you ready to rock?

The Beets Final Farewell Concert
is about to begin!

[crowd chanting]

[Doug] Where's she go?

Where'd who go?

Patti!

What are you doing here?

Roger told me what you did

to save your grandma's shop.

Oh. Well, it was my fault.

Guess I was just lucky
i could put things back the way they were.

[Patti] I don't think
you're the fast-lane type anyway, Doug.

No.

Anyway, you'd better get back

before you miss the concert.

I'm sitting right here, Doug.

But-- but...

Don't you want to see the show?

Doug, the important thing about a concert

isn't where you're sitting.

It's who you're sitting with.

But, Patti, I did everything
to get you that ticket!

Front row, center. You have to use it!

I won't take no for--

Doug, this is a perfect seat.

It's not fancy, but it's like
the old saying:

"Keep it simple.

It doesn't need to be complicated.

Just keep it very, very simple,
why don't you?

Simple. Simple." Now, sit down!

Sit down!

-Besides, I already gave the ticket away.
-To who?

Oh. Some guy who didn't have a ticket.

♪ Why don't you just shut up! ♪

[Patti laughing]

[Doug] So, the final Beets
Farewell Concert was great.

♪ Why don't you just shut up! ♪

[Doug] Especially the big finish...

Whoa!

Righteous view!

♪ Why don't you just shut your face! ♪

[theme music playing]