(neon buzzing)
(soft music playing)
Okay, okay. That’s enough of that. (Music slows, stops)
Hello, loyal viewers!
Like me, you probably never thought this day would come.
I see some old friends. I see new friends.
I see friends who frankly should put some pants on and venture outside occasionally.
Seriously, get some sun!
But, for those who are just joining us, here’s a little something to catch you up in the form of my incredibly exciting superhero origin story!
(beeps)
(exciting music playing)
Metrocity, a city full of danger, and only Metro Man was strong enough to defend it from evil.
Until I totally kicked his butt! (Zap)
(expl*si*n blasts)
That’s me, Megamind.
(dance music playing)
Incredibly handsome criminal genius and master of all villainy.
But without a hero to fight, I felt lonely.
So I created a new superhero to play with named Titan.
Unfortunately, he was a worse villain than I ever was.
(stone crashing)
It was then that I realized my destiny was not to be a supervillain, but a superhero.
I defeated Titan and saved the day. (Whirring)
(triumphant music playing)
I became Megamind, defender of Metrocity.
(crowd cheering)
But little did I know, my greatest challenge was yet to come.
(dramatic crescendo)
(soft music playing)
(gurgling)
Blue Mackerel: You’re in my personal space, bro.
Red Snapper: Oh, well, excuse me for swimming!
I don’t think that was a sincere apology!
It’s not!
Big King Fish: Both of you, clam up!
(bang)
We got work to do.
(intense music playing)
Go fish.
(tapping)
Here goes.
(yelling, laughing)
(reels unspooling)
(grunting)
(reels spooling)
There it is.
(jewels sparkling)
(laughs) Catch of the day.
(glass cracking)
(water rushing)
Ooh, this little baby’s gonna be worth a fortune on the black fish market!
(Megamind laughs)
(rock music playing)
(whirring, beeping)
You’d think with all the time you guys spent swimming in “shools,” you’d be smarter.
The Go Fish g*ng: Megamind?!
I knew it was only a matter of time before the Go Fish g*ng tried to steal the diamond-encrusted koi on loan from the Beijing Water Palace.
It’s something the old evil me would’ve done (laughs) way back in the day.
Sir, “way back in the day” was just two days ago.
That’s all? Time certainly drags when you’re a good guy.
Minion, how could you possibly serve
a bad guy who’s turned hero?
Quick correction there.
Due to a cease-and-desist order from popular fast food chain
Mr. Minion’s Meat-sicles,
I can no longer call myself Minion.
So, Megamind gave me a new name.
Ol’ Chum. It means, “old friend.”
(sentimental music playing)
Yeah, well, chum also means something else.
Shark bait!
(dramatic sting)
(glass cracking)
Wait, chum means “shark bait”?
Why, yes! Sharks love bait!
It’s a term of endearment.
Aw!
(gasps)
(glass shatters)
(shark roars)
It looks like we’re both about to be shark bait!
Not for long.
(zaps)
(triumphant music playing)
(clanking)
(Chum sighs)
Apex predators are a whole lot cuter
when you can put them in your pocket.
(The Go Fish g*ng laughing)
They’re getting away, sir!
♪♪
Brainbot 227, launch Porta-Prison!
(whirring)
(lasers zapping)
Huh?
Hey! What’s going on here?
That oughta hold you until we can transfer you
to your fishbowls.
In jail… Huh?
(glitching)
(whirring stops)
(Go Fish g*ng laughing)
Whoopsie.
Chum, this is beyond embarrassing! (Fizzling)
Sorry, sir.
Hey, Megamind! Your gadgets are like the Titanic,
a total disaster!
(Go Fish g*ng laugh)
Megamind: How dare you!
The Titanic was a delight for most of the journey.
After them!
(dramatic music playing)
(truck horn blowing)
(brakes hiss)
(Megamind gasps)
They’re in a fish t*nk!
(accelerating beeping)
(water blasts)
(blubbering, yelling)
(all screaming)
(laughing) You were great villains,
but as heroes, you guys are all wet!
Let’s finish them off!
(engine roaring)
Chum, cube me.
(grunts)
(clinking)
Huh?
What the?
Bullseye!
(dramatic music playing)
Ha!
Alley-oop. (Grunts)
(straining, grunting)
Whoa!
(grunts, spits) Water in the hole!
Huh?
(splashing)
(zapping)
(Go Fish g*ng screaming)
(t*nk treads screeching)
(people screaming)
Chum: Sir, those bystanders are about to get squished!
It does not look good for them.
Oh, right! I’m a hero now.
May I suggest the portal bazooka?
You read my mind, Chum.
(zaps)
(grunts)
(whirring)
(zaps)
Kids: Yay!
(whirring, zaps)
(grunts)
(zap)
(Go Fish g*ng screaming)
(smashing)
(screaming)
Ah, shark!
Crime. It’s a hard halibut to break.
(groans)
Chum, make a note. No more puns.
They’re beneath us.
(laughing)
Halibut! Like the fish!
Brilliant, sir! Just brilliant!
♪♪
And tell all your evil friends.
Metrocity has a new defender,
and his name is Megamind!
(car engine starts)
(siren blaring)
Aren’t you forgetting another defender, sir?
Don’t think so.
You didn’t, by chance, forget about someone who,
I don’t know, say, gallantly fought by your side?
Ah, of course! How could I have possibly forgotten?
Chum, my friend?
Yes, sir?
(whistling)
(whirring)
Fix Brainbot 227.
(buzzing)
That short-out was a little embarrassing.
Remember, I have a super heroic image to maintain.
(sorrowful music playing)
(beeping)
(TV news theme playing)
Crime continues to plunge since Megamind saved Metro city
from the clutches of evil. But now, villains,
many who flew below Metro Man’s radar,
are coming out of the woodwork.
So far, our new blue hero seems up to the task.
And while many changes are afoot in Metro City,
the one constant is me, Roxanne Ritchi,
reporting on the accomplishments of others.
Huh. Honestly, how did that sound? (Camera beeps)
Child: Like you just realized you’ve lost all interest in your job,
and you’re going through the motions.
Other than that, slam dunk!
And you are?
Keiko Morita,
president of Megamind’s number-one streaming online
fan club MegaWatch,
covering all things blue and super-heroic in Metro City.
Um… okay.
Have time for a few questions?
What is happening right now?
Roxanne Ritchi, you just helped Megamind
save the city from Titan.
So what’s your awesome next step?
Next step? A-And are you recording this?
Don’t worry, it’s great!
Obviously, you’re too cool to be just on television.
You’re a shark. You have to keep moving, girl!
You gotta have a side hustle!
You’re not wrong.
I don’t know. Reporting is important,
but Megamind has been a hero for only a few days,
and he’s already making a big difference in this city.
Can’t help thinking maybe there’s a way
I can be doing more, too.
Wait, why am I telling you this? How old are you again?
You first.
Touché.
What you need to do is find the thing you wanna do
and go for it. Look at me!
A few weeks ago, I was a middle schooler
sitting in detention. Now,
I’m streaming a show with a half-million subscribers.
Did you say half million?
That’s like 10 times my audience,
not counting family and pets.
Keiko Morita: Gotta go.
Wanna get a better sh*t of the ceremony before it starts.
Good talk though.
Yeah! Good talk. (Laughs)
Half million…
For his ongoing heroic actions as Metro’s defender,
I award Megamind the key to our fair city. (Crowd cheering)
(laughs) I-I mean, why not, right?
(laughs) (Megamind laughing)
Crowd: Megamind! Megamind!
Thank you, thank you.
You’re very kind.
(grunting)
(key clangs)
(struggling)
(Chum laughing)
Chum, be a good assistant and deal with this for me.
(clangs, clatters)
Whoa!
(clears throat) Been getting some feedback
that some of my speeches have been running a little long,
so I cut this one down…
(paper rattling)
to step length.
Since the dawn of time,
man has been dealing with good versus evil.
Hey, Chum. How’s the new hero gig going?
Everything’s changed for him.
Me, not so much.
I know what you mean.
I thought I was more to him.
I thought I was like his sidekick.
But he still just sees me as the minion
who fixes his brainbots and washes his socks.
You know, someone very recently told me,
if you know what you want, go for it.
So, tell Megamind you want a promotion to sidekick.
Oh, it’s not a minion’s place to…
Roxanne Ritchi: But you’re not a minion.
You’re more than that.
Maybe you just need to remind him
how valuable you really are.
Speak from the heart.
(hopeful music playing)
You’re right.
I need to speak from the heart.
And that’s why you’re all so lucky
to have me as your hero.
(applause, cheering)
Megamind out!
Uh! Excuse me! (Panting) Megamind?
I’m Keiko Morita, president of your fan club.
President? Oh, I have nothing but respect
for those who assume power.
Then you’ll love this.
I’m also your new social media manager,
streaming content creator, and image consultant.
Those are a lot of words I don’t understand.
Whoa! Is that the disguise generator?
Can I try it?
Don’t touch that!
It’s a highly sophisticated electronic device.
It’s cool! My generation was born tech-savvy.
Really? Then I suppose this is one of those smarty-pants phones
with a calculator built right in.
Okay, wow. That proves you really need my help.
You were threatening the city a few days ago.
Now you’re defending it!
People wanna know who the new heroic Megamind is!
I’ll help you show them.
You have a lot of energy.
Did you just consume a pound of sugar?
Nope! I’m like this naturally!
Must be exhausting.
I wanna be a crime fighter just like you.
You know, part of the team.
(sighs) Here’s the thing.
I don’t do teams.
I’m more of a solo act,
but you’re adorable in a pushy sort of way.
So, here’s a souvenir.
It’s either a paperweight or a flash grenade.
I can’t remember which, so careful with that.
He’ll come around.
Here he comes. You ready?
Oh, absolutely!
Had the brainbots program an algorithm
for a surefire negotiation speech.
Not what I meant by speaking from the heart.
Ah, there you are, Chum. Let’s head back to the lair.
Those socks aren’t gonna wash themselves.
(beeps)
(motivational music playing)
(Chum clears throat)
Good afternoon!
Do you aspire for success?
I bet you do.
Well, insert boss’ name here, while I humbly appreciate
the opportunities you’ve given me,
since we’ve altered the mission statement of our organization,
I’m confident I could achieve more.
I believe I have made
significant contributions to the new paradigm
and wish for positional advancement
befitting my more than adequate executions
of said opportunities.
(beeps)
(music stops)
Chum, you’re talking gibberish.
Might be time to change your bowl water again.
Uh, what I’m trying to ask, uh…
Chum wants a promotion! He wants to be your sidekick.
Sidekick? That’s a big change.
I don’t think you’ve thought through this, old friend.
We’ve got a dynamic here. I’m the hero.
You’re the guy who gets to hang out with the hero.
Now, with that firmly reestablished,
let’s go get some churros.
(clears throat loudly)
Sir, if you don’t recognize my contributions,
maybe it’s time for me to explore other opportunities.
Hm. Okay.
Well, if you feel that strongly about it…
Oh.
Okay then. Uh…
If you feel that strongly about me feeling strongly about it…
I feel strongly about you feeling strongly
that I feel strongly about you feeling strongly.
Okay, we get it! Everyone’s feeling strongly.
No, Roxanne! Who am I to clip Chum’s wings?
I say fly, you magnificent dove.
(sighs) Yes. I will fly.
I thank you for all the good times we had.
We part now on friendly terms.
(Chum’s suit whirring)
(emotional music playing)
I’ll be a monkey’s uncle!
He’s really walking away this time!
I don’t believe you.
It’s just a figure of speech.
I’m not really a monkey’s uncle.
I mean, I can’t believe you just let him quit!
Relax. It’s a negotiation tactic.
Like the time he went on a hunger strike
because he wanted a pet parakeet.
What did you do then?
I waited him out until he finally gave in.
Parakeets are poop machines.
(sighs) Everything is changing so fast.
Sometimes, I miss the simplicity of the bad old days.
(car rumbling)
♪♪
(wind blowing)
(thunder rumbling)
(fizzling, zapping)
(blows)
I hereby call this meeting of The Doom Syndicate to order.
First order of business, evil villain roll call.
Lady Doppler, evil witch of weather, present.
Pierre Pressure, master of hypnotism
and all-around super bad guy is also present, no?
(crash)
Behemoth, burning hunk of burning rock,
also bring present.
(flame whooshes)
My lava friend, present means one is here.
Huh?
(baby talk) Aw, that’s okay, Behemoth.
It’s the thought that counts, hm?
(normal) Okay, I think that’s just about everyone.
Mysterious Voice: Aren’t you forgetting someone?
(creepy music playing)
The Master of Nightmares,
the Duke of Darkness,
the broken nightlight in your cold bedroom.
Sit and tremble as you gaze upon
the frightening sight of…
Lord Nighty-Knight!
(dramatic crescendo)
(lamp buzzing)
That is, like,
the least frightening villain name ever! (Laughs)
Why did you change it from Fright Night?
That was so much better.
Lord Nighty-Knight: What are you talking about? It’s Nighty-Knight.
It’s like a night that’s even darker than a usual night.
Plus, I’m an actual knight, which is also super dark.
(deep voice) But is it dark?
(laughter)
(Nighty-Knight grumbles)
(normal) On to serious business.
It seems our former leader Megamind
just got himself a new gig.
Anchor (on TV): Breaking news.
Megamind gets the key to the city
as Metro City’s newest hero.
VILLAINS: No way!
As leader, I’ve decided
it’s time to pay Megamind a visit.
Say what?!
Behemoth leader!
You are not ze leader! It is moi!
Nighty-Knight: No, Megamind gave me his darkest blessing.
Raise your hand if you also think.
Megamind left you in charge.
Pierre Pressure: I do!
Ugh, seriously?!
How many leaders think we should pay Megamind a visit?
Pierre: I do!
Fine. It’s settled then.
I agree. But, there is just one little thing
to take care of first.
(buzzer blares)
Guard: Hey, Doomy Glooms! No scheming during lunch!
This was a nice place to lay low for a while,
but we’ve got some business to take care of.
Nighty-Knight: Hello darkness, my old friend.
(whooshing)
Ha!
Whoa! Ah!
(grunts)
I can’t move!
(whimpering, yelps)
(whirring)
I think you’ll have problems hitting ze alarm
if you are trapped in an invisible box.
Help! I’m trapped in an invisible box!
(alarm blaring)
(doors slam)
Behemoth? Go gravel.
(growls, roars)
(crumbling)
(yelling)
(wind howling)
(gravel clattering)
(guard yelping)
(growling, grunts)
(zapping)
(doors whir)
Guard: Oh, please don’t hurt me!
(laughs) We’ll show ourselves out.
(boom)
(bricks clatter)
(dramatic music playing)
Megamind, here we come.
(dramatic crescendo)
Spokesman (on radio): Ever feel like you’re driving to the same job,
drinking the same coffee,
wearing the same outfit almost every day?
Ugh. Yeah.
Spokesman: Have you been wondering
if there’s more you could be doing
to spice up your life?
Yeah.
Spokesman: We have the answer.
Have a Mr. Minion’s Meat-sicle!
(commercial jingle playing)
(sighs)
Protein on the go!
Okay, that really under-delivered.
(whirring)
Roxanne, I’m in great danger!
(Roxanne screams)
(horns honking)
(tires squeal)
(whirring)
How are you doing this?!
Through the bobblehead of myself I gave to you as a present.
It’s a tracking device so I can look out for you.
I’m flattered by this invasion of my privacy.
Come to the lair immediately. My very life may depend on it!
Hang on! I’ll be right there.
(tires squeal)
(horns honking)
(dramatic music playing)
(door bangs)
(Megamind screams)
Megamind?
Megamind: I’m in the kitchen! Hurry!
(doors creak)
(Megamind struggling)
How dare you defy me, you…
Roxanne: What is happening?
I’ll tell you what’s happening!
This disrespectful toaster pastry refuses to toast!
I thought this was a matter of life and death!
Newsflash! I need food, or I’ll starve.
Besides, I couldn’t reach the pancakes.
(splats)
Newsflash! Toasters need to be plugged in
or they won’t work.
(gasps) Show me what you did, sorceress!
(sighs) Maybe you should call Chum?
I’m fully capable of taking care of myself.
One question. How does one go about taking care of oneself?
(alarm blaring)
The intruder alert!
Thank goodness.
Isn’t that bad?
It’s Chum.
He’s always setting that off.
Looks like someone couldn’t bear to be without me.
(splats)
Well, well. Look who finally decided to…
Ah!
Lady Doppler: Come on, Megamind.
Is that any way to welcome your old crew?
I mean… what an unpleasant surprise!
My old evil supervillain team.
Nighty-Knight: You must be so stoked to see us.
Stoked doesn’t begin to describe it, Fright Night.
Get zis. He now wants to be called “Nighty-Knight.”
Nighty-Knight: It’s scarier!
Oh, yes. I’m terrified.
Nighty-Knight: See? Megamind gets my darkness.
That’s why he left me in charge. (Gasps)
But that’s not why we’re here.
We heard all about your new job.
(gasps) You did?
Nighty-Knight: Yeah! You think we were gonna let that go
without paying you a visit?
Let him have it, Behemoth!
(Megamind gasps)
(rumbling)
(roars)
Guys! Can’t we just talk this…
Ah!
(party horn blowing)
The Doom Syndicate: Congratulations!
What?
(singing): ♪ For he’s a horrible ♪
♪ Evil fellow ♪
♪ Which nobody can deny ♪
♪ Because he’s now their evil overlord ♪
♪ And they’re likely to receive an unusually cruel punishment ♪
(cheering)
Imagine, ze entire city thinks you are a hero!
When you said lay low in prison and wait for your signal,
we had no idea it was gonna be this!
Not even I could conjure such an illusion. (Bell tolling)
Nighty-Knight: It’s dark, it’s messed up,
and I love it. (Laughing)
Huh?
(yelps)
Oh yeah, that’s the stuff.
You think I’m pretending to be a hero.
Nighty-Knight: Huh?
Oh.
(dramatic crescendo)
And you’d be right, of course!
That was absolutely my intention.
There no way Megamind could be real hero.
That would be great betrayal and cause
much anger in Behemoth!
(whimpering)
(flames hissing)
But you not, so Behemoth happy.
Oh…
Where is Monsieur Minion?
Ze robot poisson zat would keep your place so span and spic-y.
Oh, Chum!
He’s not here because, uh,
corporate shake-up.
Lots of internal changes.
(expl*si*n, glass shatters)
(Roxanne coughing)
You know you’re not supposed to dry
your metal spiked capes in the microwave and…
The Doom Syndicate!
What’s Roxanne Ritchi doing here?!
I assure you
there’s a completely evil explanation for this.
We’re waiting.
Yeah… so am I.
Roxanne is here, at this moment, right now,
before us, because she’s agreed…
Syndicate: Yeah?
To be my evil bride.
What?!
(whispers) They still think I’m evil
and only pretending to be a hero.
Play along!
Is this true?
More like too good to be true!
(gasps, groans)
I can’t believe you’re with her!
She got me fired from my weather reporting job!
(groans)
You got yourself fired
because you never got a forecast right.
Not to mention turning evil
and throwing lightning at everybody, Gail.
(lightning crackling)
It’s Lady Doppler now.
And you two together, I don’t buy it.
Behemoth disagree. Behemoth always see
certain romantic tension between blue man and pretty lady.
Really?
Really?
Opposites attract, no?
Like crepes and marmalade.
Can you guys excuse us? Need a quick word in the kitchen
with my not-so-better half.
(splats)
Ow!
I’ll have you know those have a warm fruit-filled center
that could have left me horribly d*sfigured.
Why didn’t you tell them the truth?
Tell them I’m really a hero? Are you crazy?
There’s four of them, and only one of me!
They’ll pound me into a blue pulp, Roxanne.
They’re going to find out eventually.
Oh, and since when were you ever part of The Doom Syndicate?
Uh…
Uh…
(sighs) Founding member, actually.
I was cutting my evil teeth
shortly after graduating from Villain Shool.
You went to a villain shool? I mean, school.
Really more of a mentors hip program.
Unfortunately, my evil professor and I had a falling out.
He kind of went to pieces. (laughs) Literally.
Always learning new things about you.
So, I recruited the very best of the worst.
(snaps)
(door creaking)
(whirring, beeping)
(expl*si*n blasts)
With me as their handsome leader,
The Doom Syndicate was the premier villain team.
(rock music playing)
Man, those were good times.
I mean, they were bad times
that were good when I was bad.
(nervous laugh) But eventually, I realized
I didn’t like sharing the spotlight.
So, you ditched them?
I told them I was working on an evil project.
(brainbot whirs)
And that I’d signal them when I took over Metrocity,
which they think I have.
Until I can figure out a way to stop them,
we must keep up evil appearances.
No. No! No way!
Come on, Roxanne. Please?
No!
Pleas…
And we’re back.
So, you guys have any schemes?
I mean, plans while you’re in town?
(nervous laugh)
Nighty-Knight: No,
but this guy does! (Laughs)
(grunts)
(nervous laugh) I’m not following.
Lady Doppler: We’re here for Phase Two, silly.
(gasps) Phase Two.
What’s a Phase Two?
Guess your boyfriend doesn’t tell you everything.
Megamind said when he took over Metro City,
we’d all have a place in the next phase
of his evil master plan.
Phase Two is such a genius plan.
I cannot wait to get started!
Yeah! That’s actually one of the reasons
why I agreed to evil-marry him.
I love a good Phase Two.
(yelps)
But, remind me again what this one is
and what havoc it might wreak?
Would you give us a moment?
Relax. I never even bothered to finish Phase Two.
Lady Doppler: Let’s roll!
(Syndicate laughs)
(gasps) What’s the mad rush, guys?
You just got here!
Let’s have some fun before jumping into evil business.
Charades, anyone?
I say we break in Megamind’s city
with a good old-fashioned crime spree.
Syndicate: Yeah!
I don’t know, guys.
Aren’t we all a little above crime spree-ing at this point?
Syndicate: No!
Nighty-Knight: Look out, Metro City, here comes the darkness.
Lady Doppler: Let’s do this!
Pierre: Away we go!
What a fun and totally preventable situation
you’ve created.
Please tell me you have a plan.
Oh, you better warn the mayor.
Meanwhile, I’ll try to keep The Doom Syndicate
from destroying the entire city while thinking of a plan
to keep them from doing my other plan.
(door creaks)
Make sense?
Yes, but only in the
you’re-the-one-saying-it sort of way.
(dramatic crescendo)
You should know I’m a people non-person.
I’m a self-starter,
but also enjoy the collaborative process.
I’m proficient in robotics, neuroscience,
chemical engineering, death-ray construction,
bioengineering, and event planning.
So, anything in those areas.
(fly buzzing)
I’m lookin’ for a toilet scrubber.
That’s perfect!
Another item off my bucket list!
I won’t let you down, New Sir.
(dramatic music playing)
(panting)
(horns honking)
Whoa! Ah!
(grunting)
(people screaming)
(expl*si*n blasts)
(citizens screaming)
(smashing)
(crash, expl*si*n)
(Lady Doppler and Pierre laugh)
Today’s forecast: Frigid cold flurries,
and a hundred percent chance of doom!
(thundering)
(echoing laugh)
Nighty-Knight: That’s a thunderstorm, not a snowstorm.
Whatever, Mr. Nappy-Nap.
(grunts)
Behemoth: Behemoth hungry!
(roars)
(chomps, groans)
It is just an advertisement, you silly rock monster!
♪♪
Huh?
(growls) Flat man trick Behemoth!
(fireball sizzles)
(grunts)
(police siren wails)
(tires screech)
(siren dying)
Officer: Freeze! Police!
(evil laugh)
(whimpers)
You’re all under arrest!
♪♪
Now, officers,
wouldn’t you rather just arrest yourselves? (Whirring)
Officers (in trance): I have the right to remain silent.
Anything I say can and will be used against me
in the court of law.
(laughing)
I have the right to a…
Au revoir!
Sorry about all this, officers. We’ll have a good chuckle
when you snap out of it in a few hours.
Nighty-Knight: The darkness!
(whooshing)
The bedlam!
(window shatters)
The chaos!
(yelps)
I feed on it.
(toy squeaking)
Huh?
(soft lullaby playing)
(echoing baby cooing)
I will call you Mr. Cuddly Snuggles.
(squeaks)
No one must know of our friendship.
Darkness!
(dramatic music playing)
Brainbots, code:
“Fix all the things the bad guys broke
so I’m not legally or financially responsible.”
(beeping, whirring)
(brainbots humming)
(whirring)
(hammering)
That handles that!
Mayor (on TV): For his ongoing heroic actions as Metro’s defender,
I award Megamind the key to our fair city.
(audience cheering)
If only your adoring public knew
what we had in store for everyone! (Zapping)
(Syndicate laughs)
(Megamind yelps)
Yeah, poor them!
(Syndicate laughing)
(weak laugh)
Keiko: Whoa!
Those guys are no joke!
(metal creaking)
(gasping, panting)
(creaking)
(both grunt)
(monitor smashes)
Whoa! Close one!
You again?
Megamind just saved yours truly
from becoming a human vegan pancake!
For more awesome saves, click like and subscribe!
(static)
(distant siren wails)
Oh-ho, my followers are gonna love that!
And you’re much faster than you look.
Maybe it’s the boots.
(distant explosions)
(people screaming)
(zapping)
You’re gonna stop those guys, right?
Eventually, but right now, I’m deep undercover.
They still think I’m a villain.
Cool! So, you need my help.
I’ll take the volcano guy!
No, here’s what you need to do.
Whoa!
Use your super-tween speed to run on home and watch cartoons.
I’m more useful than you think, you know!
Ugh!
(dramatic music playing)
Lady Doppler: Look at that.
A bank just waiting to be robbed.
Let’s see some of that old Megamind magic.
Uh, no thanks. I’m good.
Huh?
I mean, I’m… not good.
It’s just important to keep up good appearances.
Remember, they still think I’m a hero.
What is ze point, eh?
Phase Deux is just around the corner.
Nighty-Knight: Robbing banks was like a ray of dark
in your already pitch-black soul.
Aw, come on! Please?
Fine! I’ll do it.
Even though this sort of bad is beneath me now.
(dramatic crescendo)
(tense music playing)
(quiet bank chatter)
Bank Manager: Look! It’s Megamind!
(Gasps) Uh…
The hero of Metro City!
(clapping)
Oh no. Please! Your applause really isn’t necessary.
Nighty-Knight: I can’t wait to see their faces when they realize
evil Megamind is back.
Their sorrow will be delicious.
(deep, mocking voice) Their sorrow will be delicious.
(normal) That’s what you sound like.
A few days ago,
if you’d have come in, I’d be hiding under my desk.
Such a relief to know you’re on the good side now.
♪♪
(nervous laugh) But no need to make a fuss.
In fact, why don’t you all go back to treating me
like you did in the bad old days. (Cocks g*n)
But, that’s when you were evil.
You kept robbing us.
That’s not why you’re here, is it?
I’m sorry. I have to do this.
B-But why?
Because it’s, uh… it’s, uh…
Keiko: It’s a safety drill!
Huh?
For MegaWatch? Half a million viewers?
We’re making this for the kids at home so they know what to do
in case a real villain comes into the bank.
Right, Megamind?
Yes?
I mean, yes!
So, let’s just pretend it’s like the old days.
It’ll be fun! Everyone,
let’s get those hands in the air.
Come on, get ’em up!
(excited chatter)
Oh, I get it!
Did I just save your butt?
Feels like I just saved your butt.
Huh?
Just need a quick pic of the exact moment
you realized you need me.
(shutter snaps)
(tense music playing)
I guess he is still a master villain.
Not only is he robbing ze place,
he’s stopping for selfies!
Nighty-Knight: He hasn’t lost a dark and twisted step. (Grunting)
I still think something’s off about him.
You are just jealous.
Ze man is a genius!
After all, he left me in charge.
Nighty-Knight: What are you talking about? He put me in charge.
He told Behemoth leader should go by height and girth.
Megamind: Stay back! (Grunts)
Stay back, I say! (Sighs)
(cracking back)
It certainly was good
to work those old bank-robbing muscles again.
Okay, we need you to settle something.
Who did you leave in charge of The Doom Syndicate?
Uh, isn’t it obvious?
I chose the evilest and most qualified candidate.
All: Thank you!
Wait?
Huh?
Mayor: I’m getting calls from all over!
People are saying Megamind’s running amok
with a group of villains out there!
He’s buying us time until he can figure out a way to stop them.
Mr. Mayor, we have to trust him.
We’re still cleaning up after the last time.
Megamind “saved” the city. (Struggling)
I don’t know what to do!
Nobody told me mayor-ing would be so hard!
And I can’t open my tummy medicine!
(pops cap)
(muffled phones ringing)
(sighs) Thank you, Christina.
Far be it from me to presume to tell you what to do, Mr. Mayor.
No, no, please! Presume away. I-I got nothing!
Well, first, you need to notify law enforcement
to pull back until Megamind can figure out what to do.
Then, get a hold of emergency services and have them stand by
just in case things go wrong.
Right. Got it.
(tense crescendo)
What did you say after, “first”?
♪♪
Oh, you wouldn’t believe the day I had.
They wouldn’t understand the new me.
Not like you did, Chum.
But I guess that’s all in the past.
I’m defender of Metrocity now,
and I need to learn to handle these things on my own.
But how do I take down four villains at once?
Maybe I just need to sleep on this.
(sighs)
(snoring)
Ah!
(muffled music playing)
What is that infernal racket?
(dance music blasting)
(gasps)
(party chatter)
(laughs) Woo!
(grunts)
(yelps)
What in the name of King Tut’s cat collection
is going on here?!
Since we’re launching Phase Two tomorrow,
we decided to throw a Metro City’s going-away party.
I didn’t agree to that timeline.
And where did all these people come from?
Knighty-Night: Don’t worry.
They’re all dark and dangerous criminals.
(guitar riff ringtone)
(surprised grunting)
Ollo?
Roxanne (on phone): I bought some time with the mayor.
What’s all that ruckus?
I’m the victim of an impromptu rager.
Just a second, Roxanne.
Sir, I’ll have you know that is my special chair!
Off now! Why aren’t you using a coaster?
I want everybody out of here!
Ah, don’t be ze pooper of parties.
Besides, we texted some old friends
who just broke outta prison.
They should be here any minute!
Old friends?
(door creaks)
Oh no!
(dramatic sting)
The Go Fish g*ng just walked in.
If they tell the Syndicate I’m really a hero
and not a villain pretending to be a hero,
this could get ugly quick.
There he is!
Gotta go!
(ends call)
Attention, everyone!
I said attention!
(crowd gasps)
(dance music stops)
There’s something you all should know about your host.
(gasps)
(beeps)
Brainbot, lay down a sick b*at.
Big King Fish: The truth about Megamind…
Huh?
(energetic music playing)
Hey!
Hey! What the…
Wish I didn’t have to resort to this. (Cracks knuckles)
♪♪
(b*at drops)
(crowd cheering)
(cheering)
Uh, hold on! Y-You all should know Megamind…
Has had no formal dance training!
(audience cheering)
DJ, put another stanky groove in my pocket.
(beeping)
(new upbeat song playing)
I’ll take Megamind.
You two get to that microphone and warn everybody.
Blue Mackerel: Hey, look out!
Red Snapper: Outta my way!
♪♪
(dancers scream)
(grunting)
Ah!
Hey! We’ve got a dance-off over here!
(crowd cheering)
(dance music continues)
(yelling, grunting)
Stand still!
(grunting)
(crowd gasps)
(growls)
(laughs)
(both grunting)
(groaning)
(slaps back)
(yelps)
Ooh! Ooh!
(growls)
(Megamind laughing)
Ah! Just… Gimme… One…
(both grunting)
♪♪
(growls) Get back here!
(panting) Where’d he go?
(music, cheering fade)
What the…?
(tense music playing)
How many capes can one guy have?
Aha!
(clicks)
(zapping)
(yelps)
4,987, but who’s counting?
One down, two to go.
(energetic dance music playing)
(crowd chatter)
(grunts, gasps)
Aha!
(whirring, zaps)
Oh!
(zaps)
(yelps)
(laughs)
(gasps) Oh no!
(clattering)
Uh, don’t mind me! Just dropped a little plutonium!
(gasps)
Blast you, Newton’s Laws of Motion!
(clinking)
Gimme!
Hey! You have dislodged my beverage!
Oh, um, sorry, Pierre, but that ice cube’s gone bad.
Whoa!
(sign buzzing)
(car passes)
(sizzling)
Order up.
(toilet flushes)
Hoo! That was a battle!
But I was once again victorious, New Sir.
By the way, do you have a few seconds to discuss
some life-altering changes?
(water drips)
Okay, I’ll take your simmering silence as a yes.
Firstly, my keen eye for detail has noticed that we only get
two customers every day,
Eccentric Eddie and his pet cockroach Thaddeus.
(Thaddeus squeaking)
But what if we had more customers?
Now, I know what you’re gonna say.
(imitating) “Chum, how can I increase my cash flow
in this treacherous economy?”
(normal) Well, while I was in my office just now,
I came up with a few ideas.
First, I’d recommend giving the place a good scrubbing.
Latest market research shows people generally don’t like
sticking to chairs. Second, let’s face it.
The kitchen staff is horrendous, New Sir.
I am the kitchen staff.
Chum: Oh!
(nervous laugh)
Which is a complete and utter waste.
With your radiant personality,
you should be out here, with the customers!
And the fully automated cooking system I’ve designed
will allow you to fill this place with your unique brand
of customer service sunshine.
And finally,
I propose a menu change.
We need to specialize!
And what’s the one food everybody loves?
Donuts!
(grunts, chewing)
Say the word, and I’ll get started.
Mm!
You won’t regret this, New Sir.
(creaking)
Megamind?
(Megamind groans)
Ah! What’s going on?
(clattering)
This place is a wreck. Was there some kind of battle?
(yelling) Just a dance one!
Can you turn off the music, please?!
What music?
(normal) Oh, that can’t be good.
Did you make muffins?
Yeah, I’m trying new things.
♪♪
(chokes, spits)
Why are you mad at my taste buds?!
I said I was “trying” new things.
Ugh, maybe I should use these on The Doom Syndicate.
Still don’t have a plan, huh?
Have you tried just telling them to leave?
If I tell them to leave, they’ll ask why.
And if I tell them why, they’ll get mad.
And when villains get mad, they break things.
And the first thing they’ll break is me.
And me is one of my favorite things in the whole wide world!
Yeah, well, we have to think of something
before they do whatever this Phase Two thing is.
The problem is they’re always together.
I have to find a way to take them all out at once.
Behemoth: (laughs) Last night rocked!
Roxanne’s back. Yippee.
(Pierre laughs)
Nighty-Knight: Alright. Muffins!
(happy humming)
Well, now that we’ve celebrated…
(spitting)
Nighty-Knight: Oh, that’s nasty.
Now that we’ve celebrated Megamind’s triumph,
surely it’s time for Phase Two.
Again, my evil hubby
has so many amazing phases, I get confused.
What exactly is Phase Two?
Okay.
Phase Two is an ingenious plan I had
to launch Metrocity to the moon.
You’re joking, right? How would that even work?
Simple evil genius physics, really.
(whirring)
(soft fanfare playing)
An energy force field would entrap air
and protect the populace from G forces
as rockets built beneath the city would carry it up to
and safely land on the moon.
(beeping)
(Syndicate cheering)
(8-bit sound effects)
Syndicate: Phase Two! Phase Two!
Phase Two! Phase Two!
(cheering)
There, we would establish an entire planet
devoted to evil-kind.
Nighty-Knight: Yeah, imagine.
(cheerful music playing)
All of us living together,
always for eternity. Forever.
Until the last star falls from the heavens
and beyond that. Together.
All of us.
Just me and my evil friends,
living in infinite darkness.
(squeaks)
Why do you have a teddy bear?
(grunts)
Nighty-Knight: Give me back Mr. Cuddly Snuggles!
There, there.
It’s gonna be okay.
(soft lullaby playing)
Zee? Zis is why no one thinks you are scary.
Nighty-Knight: Teddy bears aren’t scary? Yeah.
They only eat hikers, idiot!
(toy squeaks)
(Roxanne clears throat)
Getting back to this plan of yours,
just curious because I am super into it.
How would that even work?
Just building the giant rockets under the city
would take years.
(dramatic music playing)
Megamind: Actually, it took six months.
Construction moves pretty fast
when you don’t have to worry about silly permits
and union lunch breaks.
One of the advantages of being evil, I guess.
Excuse us, guys.
(yelps)
I thought you said you never finished Phase Two.
Still needs a couple of coats of paint.
Also, never totally satisfied with the decor.
Let’s get in there and launch those suckers.
Syndicate: Yeah!
Uh, yeah. That’d be in the launch room.
(beeping)
Computer: Password error. Access denied.
Oh no, I’ve forgotten the password!
Okay, plan’s foiled.
Time to go!
Hold it!
You forgot the password?
Thought it was my birthday.
Guess not. That’s so like me!
Can we go now?
Actually, it’s not like you.
See? This is what I’m talking about.
He’s been acting out of character since we got here.
(dramatic music building)
(squeaks)
How dare you imply I have character.
And who said you could use my favorite mug?
♪♪
Don’t forget, we’ve been waiting a long time
for your plan here to come to fruition.
I don’t think you wanna disappoint your old friends.
Yes, ominous warning noted.
How’s this for ominous?
Either we launch by the end of the day,
or we level the city.
Got it?
(beeps, door slams)
Did you really forget the password?
Of course not.
The password is THX8675309.
It’d take an idiot to forget that.
We can’t let them launch the city,
and we can’t let them destroy it.
You have to do something.
Yes, I’ve been wracking my brilliant mind
to come up with a plan.
Titan was just one villain.
This is a whole syndicate of them.
I can’t b*at them alone, Roxanne.
You don’t have to. You have me, and you have Chum.
You just need to be willing to ask for his help.
Oh, I should have never let him go.
He’s been by my side through bad and good,
never once asking me for anything.
Except for the parakeet.
But again, they’re poop machines, Roxanne.
Stay on topic.
(sighs) You’re right.
I need to let Chum know I appreciate him,
not just as a colleague, but as a friend.
(inspirational music playing)
Roxanne: Chum’s working here now?
They called me for a reference.
Used to be a diner,
but I don’t remember it being so popular.
Just with the health department. And cockroaches.
(shudders) Vile creatures!
I despise them more than button-down collars.
Okay… guess I know what not to get you for your birthday.
Uh, excuse us?
I’ll try my best. Name, please?
Uh, Megamind, defender of Metrocity.
I’m kind of a big deal.
Oh, I’m sorry, Mr. Deal.
Your name’s not on the reservation list.
Reservations? For donuts?
We’re not here to eat. There’s an emergency.
Let me guess. A fashion one?
Excuse me?
(cracks knuckles)
Ma’am, you give me no choice
but to assert my dominance upon you.
(grunting, struggling)
Roxanne, it’s no use.
Clearly, this hostess is trained in Krav Magoo.
You guys having a little trouble?
How are you always around?!
Us girls gotta have our secrets, am I right?
Seriously, dunno how you guys survived this long without me.
Think you can do better?
Keiko Morita, MegaWatch. You could let my friend in
or I could post a scathing review to my many followers
mentioning the restaurant’s cockroach infestation.
Nice try, but we don’t have a cockroach infestation. (Chirping)
(screams)
Ew! She’s touching it!
Keiko’s hand modeling career is over before it even started!
He’s harmless. Just needed the distraction.
Thanks, Eccentric Eddie.
I owe you one. (Chirping)
Don’t mention it, kid!
I remember when this place used to be cool.
♪♪
I don’t approve of your methods,
but you’re starting to grow on me.
Like a pleasant fungus.
(crowd chatter)
Wow.
(bright music playing)
They’ve really cleaned this place up!
(beeping)
Chum: Then he said,
“Crime, it’s a hard halibut to break!”
(laughter)
(gasps) Previous Sir?
(embarrassed whimper)
(grunts)
What are you doing here?
(awkwardly) Oh, Chum. What are the odds?
Us running into each other at my favorite eatery
that I’ve just walked into for the first time.
But, I’m not really here for donuts.
Oh, but do try one, sir.
Chum, I came here to… (gulps)
Oh, my stars! It’s like a jamboree in my mouth!
(gulps) Mm.
But, I came here to tell you something
that’s not easy for me to say.
I want you to know I’ve always really appreciated…
New Sir: Chum, good buddy!
Oh, uh, New Sir,
this is my old boss, Previous Sir.
Pleasure to meet you.
I go by Mr. Donut now.
It was Chum’s idea, and he’s told me
some pretty great things about you!
(nervous laugh) Guilty as charged.
Though a few were just indictments. (Sighs) Wow.
It looks like he’s getting along rather well without me.
Chum is a dream come true!
Business is booming! Check this out!
♪♪
Not only has he fully automated the kitchen…
(beeping, whirring)
but he also came up with the recipe for my secret glaze.
(chomps) Mm!
Listen to me, kid,
I know I was a bit of a grouch when you started.
You? New Sir, no!
No, no, no, it’s true. But I want you to know,
I appreciate everything you’ve done for me as a colleague.
But more importantly, as a friend.
Oh. Uh…
Mr. Donut: So,
I got you somethin’.
(gasps)
Your filthy unwashed apron?
But you cherish this!
And now, it’s your filthy unwashed apron.
Wow!
(emotional music playing)
You were about to tell me something, Previous Sir?
Yes. I wanted you to know
that I’m too late.
It’s clear this is where you belong now.
Just know letting you go is the biggest regret
of my soon-to-be short life.
Previous Sir, are you in some kind of trouble?
It’s not your concern anymore.
Besides, it’s nothing I can’t not handle on my own.
Goodbye, old friend.
Just do me one favor.
Be happy.
(door creaks)
Where’s Chum?
He’s where he truly belongs now.
(sighs)
I can’t put this off any longer.
I have to stop The Doom Syndicate myself.
Even if it most certainly leads to my demise.
(beeps)
Car.
What are you gonna do? (Gasps)
(car whooshing)
Hopefully come up with a really good idea.
That’s all I got.
Listen, you don’t have to do this alone.
I’m the defender of Metrocity, Roxanne.
If I don’t look out for this place, who will?
(slams door)
(tires squeal)
But, who’s gonna look out for him?
(dramatic crescendo)
(chomps)
Announcer (on TV): Welcome to Season 27
of “Crab Cake Wars: Crustacean Devastation.” (sighs)
Six culinary…
Megamind: Ollo.
And where have you been?
Oh, just reminiscing about days gone by.
Fragmented memories of the way we were.
What’s he talking about?
Behemoth get the picture.
Picture… That’s the really good idea
I was looking for, Behemoth!
Since this is our last night on Earth,
we should really get a picture of all of us.
Brainbot 227?
(whirring)
Everybody squeeze in tight.
Come on! Don’t be shy!
I really wanna capture this moment.
Don’t you wanna be in it?
Maybe the next one.
Come on! Let’s get some grimaces on those faces.
(groans)
On a count of three, everyone say, “Porta-Prison”!
Syndicate: Three, two, one… Porta-Prison?
(whirring, zapping)
Wait!
And boom goes your days of freedom!
Oh yeah! Aha! Ooh!
(Syndicate groaning)
Nighty-Knight: What’s going on?
I’ll tell you what’s going on you guys.
Prison uniforms! (Laughs)
(yelps)
If this is a joke, it’s not funny.
Not for you, but I’ll be laughing
your whole way back to prison.
Our patience is wearing thin.
You know what’s gonna make you thin?
Prison food!
I could do these all day,
so let’s just cut to the chase.
I’m really a good guy!
A champion of justice. A hero!
(gasps) No! (Whimpers)
You watch your language in front of Behemoth!
Nighty-Knight: I have been noticing.
Megamind acting strange lately,
and not in a good, dark way.
Oui!
Idiots! I’ve been saying that the entire time!
If Megamind really hero,
why he not be honest and tell old evil friends?
Because you’d all destroy me!
That’s why you’re locked safely in a…
(zapping, glitching)
malfunctioning Porta-Prison?
(glitching)
(yelps)
Man, I really got you guys!
It’s a prank, bros! Now, who’s hungry?
Oh, if it was a prank, then why are you sweating?
Sweating? Who’s sweating?
(trickling)
Blast you, sweat bead. Don’t do this to me!
Go back from whence you came!
(drips)
(whirring)
(yelling)
(Go Fish g*ng grunts)
Attention, everyone! Megamind really is a hero!
He’s not pretending!
Wait, how did we get here?
Nice of you to pop in. Megamind’s ours,
but feel free to enjoy the show. Get him!
(panting)
(Behemoth growls)
(screams)
(roars)
(clangs)
(groaning)
Everything hurts… (yelps)
(groaning)
Nighty-Knight: Time to say, “Nighty, night!”
See, guys? In the proper context,
that name is frightening.
(whirring)
(grunting)
(Megamind panting)
(yelps)
(whirs)
And where do you zink you’re going?
(groggy groaning)
(wind blowing)
(grunts)
(Megamind yells)
(panting)
(Pierre laughing)
(laughing)
(growls)
♪♪
Ah! Special chair, eject!
(triumphant music playing)
(sighs)
(zapping)
(yelping)
♪♪
(yelping)
Think you can just run away from your problems?
(zapping)
(echoing scream)
Ha! No more Megamind!
(echoing laugh)
With its hero dead, Metro City belongs to us now.
But maybe it’s time we relocated to a better neighborhood.
Mongolia?
The moon, Behemoth.
I’m talking about the moon.
(dramatic crescendo)
(solemn music playing)
(splashing)
(gasping)
(sighs)
(gasps)
Special chair!
I failed you.
I failed everyone.
(dramatic music playing)
(gasps) Take a right here. Megamind’s close.
Roxanne: How do you know that?
The fan club pin I gave him has a tracker in it.
(beeping)
Roxanne: That’s pretty devious.
You are his number-one fan.
(sighs) This is kind of a sketchy neighborhood.
Going where the danger is is part of our job.
Besides, we’ve always got diplomacy.
Oh. Did you learn that in school?
No, Diplomacy is just what I call my bat.
(laughs) Keiko, I think you’re gonna fit in just fine.
(phone chiming)
(gasps) Stop the van!
(tires screech)
(tense music playing)
(Keiko opens van door)
(gasps)
Megamind…
Megamind (echoing): Never heard of him…
We’ve been looking for you all over the city!
Wait, what’s with the fake beard?
You look like a sad blue wizard.
(sighs) Obviously, I’m hiding.
The city belongs to The Doom Syndicate now.
Oh, here! I have one for you, too.
We can be beard buddies.
I don’t wanna be beard buddies!
I want you to get off your butt and save the city!
You’re the only one who can.
Look, that’s a nice sentiment,
but I’ve made a new life here.
Yeah. The piles of trash really tie the alley together.
Thank you, Madam President.
Wait, how did you two find me anyway?
Us girls gotta have our secrets.
Well, that’s adorable, but there’s no point.
I gave the hero thing a sh*t.
I can’t protect this city.
I failed.
♪♪
You didn’t fail me.
What do you mean?
When I first moved to Metro City with my mom,
I got teased a lot.
My name, the way I dressed,
the way I just say whatever’s on my mind.
I think being an outsider,
people just assumed I was a bad kid.
I started being what they expected of me,
getting into fights, skipping class.
But then, you stopped Titan.
It showed me maybe I don’t have to live up
to others’ expectations.
I just have to live up to my own.
If a bad guy can become a hero,
maybe so can a bad kid.
Must be disappointing to see
your hero’s such a fraidy-cat.
No! Shows you’re smart!
Because you have zero chance of defeating.
The Doom Syndicate on your own.
I thought you were my biggest fan.
I am, but I’m also a realist.
I’m both comforted and confused by this pep talk.
Look, putting aside your silly pride
and admitting you need help is not weak.
I think you’ll find a true friend is with you,
no matter what.
You guys continue your gooey moment.
I’m gonna go watch our six.
This is a big no-matter-what.
You get our backs, we’ll get yours.
(emotional music playing)
Okay, but I’ve got to find Chum.
I’m gonna tell him I took him for granted.
He’s more than a lackey to me.
He’s a partner, a friend,
and I’m gonna ask for his help.
Chum: You don’t need to ask.
Chum? What are you doing here?
My work is done with Mr. Donut.
But, Sir, my work is never done with you.
Your constant state of chaos makes me feel
as though I’m always needed.
You are, Ol’ Chum. You are.
After all, what’s a hero without his sidekick?
Sidekick? Really, sir?
I can’t tell you how long I’ve waited for this!
Keiko: Diplomacy!
(smashes)
(Chum yelps, grunts)
Ah! I’m so sorry, Chum!
I didn’t know it was you.
Big fan, by the way.
Chum (groggy): Wonderful to meet you.
(Behemoth growling)
(clanging)
Nighty-Knight: The darkness compels you to hit it harder.
Behemoth is hitting it harder!
Oh, how long is this gonna take?
This titanium plating is a formidable foe to our powers,
but, eventually, it will yield to the darkness,
as all things do.
In non-goth speak, please?
Nighty-Knight: About an hour if we don’t break for snacks.
(whirring)
Chum: By my calculations,
they should be able to break through the security door
within the hour,
if they don’t break for snacks.
We need to draw The Doom Syndicate
away from those launch controls.
A distraction.
Something they hate with so much passion,
it overrides their evil mission.
But what?
Right! With all the excitement,
I forgot they want me dead! What luck.
There is a second entrance to the control room,
the air vent.
Can someone get in through there?
(sighs) Unfortunately, we made sure
every inch of our lair’s air conditioning system
was protected by the very latest in evil weaponry.
Chum and I prepared for every possible scenario.
Except you having to get back in yourselves.
Too-shah.
Both: It’s touché.
But we’re not our old selves anymore.
We’re better. We’re heroes now!
And I know the new good us’s
can out think the old bad us’s.
I can get through that air vent, Sir.
You can depend on me.
I have no doubt I can.
That leaves you and me to keep the bad guys busy.
But, how are we gonna do that when they have all your toys?
They’re half-wits. We’re full-wits!
I’m sure we can think of something
if we all put our heads together.
(triumphant music playing)
Huh. We’re one head short.
Keiko? Get in here!
Seriously?
Thought you wanted to be a member of the team.
Uh, yeah! Uh, but just so I have this on the record,
you and I have a deal.
(starts recording)
I help you,
you train me to be a crime fighter.
You help me,
I’ll train you to be a crime fighter.
You have my word.
Which is something I apparently have to keep now.
(stops recording)
Time to kick some Doom Syndicate booty.
Spoken like a true defender of Metro City.
This city doesn’t need a defender.
It needs defenders.
But first, we’re gonna wanna make a supply run.
I know where we can go.
(cart rattling)
Welcome to Everything City.
500,000 square feet
with over 500 locations in all 50 states.
Just like the commercial says,
“If the thing you’re looking for is not at Everything City,
it’s not a thing.”
(grunts) Chum.
(cart rattles)
Set a course for savings!
(retail Muzak playing)
Welcome to Everything City!
We’ve got less than an hour to stop The Doom Syndicate,
so stick to the list. We’re not here to browse.
(Megamind laughs)
(laughs)
(clattering)
♪ Everything City, where you feel like a king ♪
Whoa! Ooh…
♪ If we don’t have it ♪
Ahem!
♪ It’s not a thing ♪
No thermal lasers. No giant robot suits.
No polarity reversers.
Oh, nose hair clippers! Crisis averted!
(clanging)
(grunting)
Think fast, Chum!
♪ Just waiting for you ♪
(grunts, laughs)
♪ Everything City, where we’ll make your heart sing ♪
That’s just about everything. Now, just need tennis balls.
All of them.
(rattling)
(both grunting)
(yelling)
Oh, excuse me, I’m looking for a parakeet.
It’s a gift of appreciation for a friend.
Oh, I’ve got just the one, sir.
I give you,
Mephistopheles…
(angelic music playing)
the parakeet of the gods.
Ah!
(squawks)
(splats)
Oh, absolutely not.
(clanging)
(grunting)
(roars)
(elevator music playing)
(slurping)
(Nighty-Knight and Behemoth grunting)
(roaring)
Um, how will you be paying today?
Set to crème brûlée.
(clicking, whooshes)
Uh, we’ll put it on my card.
Oh, right! Paying for things. (Laughs)
Whoever came up with that scheme is a real evil genius.
(scanner beeps)
Nighty-Knight: The darkness fades to light,
and I have failed to breach the entrance.
I have failed.
I have failed!
(clangs)
(door crashes)
Good news, everyone. We’re in.
It’s about time! (Grunts)
(all grunting, straining)
(tense music playing)
(groaning)
Say what you will about Megamind,
but he’s always made things user-friendly.
Nighty-Knight: Whoa! Not so fast.
Who said you could press it?
I’m the leader!
Are we really gonna keep arguing this point?
We are!
Nighty-Knight: We gotta figure this out
if we’re gonna live on the dark side of the moon together.
Megamind (on speakers): Ollo!
Let me guess. Leadership squabble?
Zombie Megamind!
Obviously he’s not dead, rocks for brains!
But, he is just in time to see us complete the job
he wasn’t evil enough to finish.
(alarm blaring)
Computer: Launch sequence initiated.
Five minutes to ignition.
Perfect amount of time to bring you four to justice
and still be able to microwave some pop-ed corn.
Nighty-Knight: You really think you can go toe-to-toe with us alone?
Whoopsie. Not alone. (imitates buzzer) You lose.
Oh! It’s Megamind’s evil bride!
Not evil, not a bride.
That was an act we decided on. Together… sorta.
But, obviously, zere is some romantic tension
between you two, no?
Both: It’s complicated.
Guys, do I have to villain-splain
everything to you?
They’re obviously here to stop the launch!
Get ’em!
(dramatic crescendo)
♪♪
Chum, code: “They’re coming out!”
Chum: Got it, sir.
(tool grinding)
Nose hair clippers, huh? Who knew?
They’re industrial grade.
Code: “I’m going in!”
Code: “Good luck” and code: “Try not to get zapped.”
♪♪
(Chum’s suit whirring)
Okay. Just gotta press the button and stop the launch.
No need for alarm.
(alarm blaring)
Huh? The alarm!
Someone’s breaking into the lair!
Oh right, that’s me.
(clicking)
(devices humming)
(beeping)
Ah! Whoa! Ah!
Uh-oh!
Ah!
(groaning, whimpering)
(whirring)
Okay. Gotta time this right.
(beeping)
One Mississippi, two Mississippi, three!
(blasters f*ring)
(explosions)
(clattering)
(lights zapping)
(grunts)
Hey, I did it!
(whirring)
Brainbot: Intruder alert, intruder alert, intruder alert…
Ahh, why did we have to be so thorough?
Brainbot: Intruder alert.
♪♪
Nighty-Knight: Hey, where’d they go?
(pops)
(grunts) What the?
Huh?
(whirring)
Now the ball is in our court!
Get it?
Not bad, though I would’ve gone with,
“Tennis, anyone?”
(launching, popping)
(Syndicate grunting, yelping)
Nighty-Knight: Ah! Not the face!
You don’t have a face!
Nighty-Knight: Oh, right. Ah! Ow!
Oh!
Stop moving around.
I can’t get a clean sh*t!
Tiny stings hurt Behemoth!
Stand still, you giant baby.
Playtime’s over.
(pops)
Ah!
Not sure we’re going to b*at these guys
with sporting equipment.
We just need to buy Chum time,
and if I know my ingenious little robot fish monkey,
he should be cleverly slipping through the lair’s defenses
right about now!
(pops)
Help! I’ve been caught
trying to slip through the lair’s defenses! (Whirring)
Brainbots: Intruder alert, intruder alert, intruder alert…
(sighs) Okay, relax. You got this.
Think, Chum, think!
(gasps) Ah!
(beeping)
(bots winding up)
Robot Voice: Eject, eject, eject!
Ah!
(expl*si*n blasts)
♪♪
Yah! Oh!
(groans) I’m gonna miss that body.
It was my second favorite.
Just have to hurry before I dry out. (Splatting)
(grunting)
(beeping)
(gasps) The launch button!
(clangs)
Ah!
Whoa! (Grunts)
(squishing)
Almost… there!
Well, well. Nice of you to flop in.
Can I trouble you guys for a t*nk of dechlorinated water?
(laughter)
Computer: Preparing city to launch.
Nine…
(rockets revving, blasting)
Eight…
Ah!
(rumbling)
Citizens: Ah! What are we gonna do?
What’s happening? Run for your lives!
(indistinct yelling)
Computer: Seven…
(popping)
(Behemoth grunts)
(beeping)
Six…
I thought Chum was supposed to stop it by now.
You know him, always waiting till the last second.
Computer: Five…
(people crying, screaming)
Four…
(force field humming)
(zaps)
Three…
(balls f*ring, popping)
Two…
(blasting)
One. Commencing launch.
(beeps)
There goes the last second.
(rockets blast)
(both shouting)
(rumbling, crackling)
(dramatic music playing)
(creaking)
Gotta say, not a fan of Phase Two!
In theory, it was amazing.
In practice, kinda horrifying.
(whirring, popping)
(empty g*ns hissing)
And the hits keep on comin’.
♪♪
We’ll buy Chum more time if we split up.
(rockets roaring)
Help! Outta my way! Me first!
(yelps)
What are we supposed to do now?!
Where am I gonna go?!
(people screaming)
What’s going on?
We’re all doomed! Doomed!
(crowd screaming)
Mr. Mayor, what’s your plan?
I’m sorry!
I didn’t know I needed an actual plan
for the city launching into space!
Someone clearly needs to take charge!
That’s supposed to be you!
I just remembered,
I got a really important lunch meeting. Gotta go!
(all screaming)
Everyone, please try and calm down!
There’s no contingency plan for this!
Somebody hold me!
Keiko: Everyone, shut your pie holes! (Crowd stops)
My girl’s trying to save your butts, so listen up!
You got this.
(Roxanne grunts)
(hopeful music playing)
Police!
Have your officers dissolve panic
and steer people indoors or underground.
(car doors open, engines start)
Paramedics, have ambulances ready. (Sirens wail)
Also, be prepared to distribute air sickness pills
in large quantities.
All for that! I already barfed twice.
And firefighters, I need the keys to that.
(dramatic crescendo)
(siren blaring)
(rockets roaring)
(beeps)
Chum, the whole city’s about to have a new zip code!
You have to hit the “Cancel Launch” button!
Kind of busy at the moment, sir.
Yeah, busy getting turned into sushi.
I should warn you guys.
I’m an expert in the aquatic arts! En guard!
(rapid grunting)
Whoa!
(laughs)
(chomps)
(screaming)
(grunting)
(yelling)
(groaning)
(Chum screaming)
(grunts)
(squeaking)
♪♪
Computer: Ascent terminated.
(rockets stop)
(force field whirring)
(hopeful music playing)
(beeps)
You did it, Chum!
(whirring)
(rumbling)
Oh no, you did it, Chum!
The city’s falling too fast!
We have to try to…
(creaks)
(growling)
(crashes)
(Megamind whimpering)
This is the end of the line for you, Megamind!
You all do know we’re plunging toward the earth right now?
Do not try to confuse us with science.
(powers humming)
Megamind: Wait!
As former leader of The Doom Syndicate,
and according to evil custom,
I claim my right to my own demise
per the Villain Charter, article seven, paragraph four.
Syndicate: Huh?
The article states that an outgoing evil leader
can only be terminated by the new evil leader.
So, which one of you is that again?
Guys, it’s me. You know it is.
Nighty-Knight: I’m the darkest and the doomiest.
I am ze clear choice. I have a beret.
Behemoth wonder if we can put differences aside
and find commonality
in the ultimate vanquishing of archfoe.
Nighty-Knight: Huh.
(Megamind panting)
(gasps) He’s getting away!
Nighty-Knight: Make haste, my fellow doom slayers.
(dramatic music playing)
(rumbling)
(air rushing)
He’s down here somewhere!
I feel it in the black void of my soul!
(beeps)
Chum, are you there?
You have to get to the manual controls.
(alarm blaring)
Computer: City descending.
No can do, sir. Lost my bowl.
No getting out of this one.
There’s always a way out.
Help is on the way, friend of friends.
(beeps)
Polly 227!
(on speaker)
Launch Operation Parakeet!
(Whirring)
(cawing)
(dramatic music playing)
(truck horn blowing)
(operatic vocalizing)
(girders whipping by)
Ha, ha!
(cawing)
(cawing)
(cawing)
(lasers f*ring)
(Polly cawing)
(expl*si*n blasts)
(groaning)
(Polly cawing)
(gasping)
(cawing)
Sir,
you made me my own brainbot pet parakeet?
Megamind (on speakers): Chum, meet Polly 227,
a show of appreciation for all you mean to me.
I know you wanted a real one, but again, so much poop.
(gasps) I love him, Sir!
(Polly cawing)
Eternal darkness awaits you, Megamind.
What to do, what to do?
(gasps) Disguise generator!
I can smell your fear.
It smells like dark bacon.
Ho-ho!
Look into my eyes and fall under my power,
man of blue.
(woozy groaning)
(whirring)
(snores)
Ha, ha! Zee badge of leadership is moi!
Don’t pop the champagne just yet.
Oh? (Growls)
(grunting)
(yelping)
(struggling)
Zis is impossibleh!
Solid! (Yelps)
(zaps)
(laughing)
Reap the whirlwind, Megamind!
(electricity whirring)
(yelling)
(expl*si*n)
(grunting, groans)
Not a whirlwind.
Roxanne was right! You are terrible at weather!
Maybe so, but at least I’d still be around to enjoy it.
You, not so much.
(electricity crackling)
♪♪
I guess you always were meant to be the leader, Lady Doppler.
I know, right?
(thunder crashing)
But a word of advice. (Grunts)
(lightning zaps)
(grunts)
Stay grounded!
(zapping)
(screaming)
(yelping)
(whimpering)
(grunts)
Oh, why are puns always so hard to avoid?
(grunts) Oh, I forgot all about you.
When I was on such a good roll.
Uh, Behemoth figure just wait until competition eliminated
before squashing blue man.
That’s actually a really good plan.
Behemoth appreciate compliment.
(roars, spits)
I squish you now.
Hey, look over there!
Behemoth no fall for oldest trick in the
(truck horn blares)
(grunts)
(truck crashing)
(siren dying)
I’m sorry. Was I interrupting something?
My hero.
(triumphant music playing)
(gasps) Behind you!
(whooshing)
(Nighty-Knight laughs)
(smoke hissing)
Nighty-Knight: How’s this for scary?
(gasps)
Leadership, here I come.
Hey, tall, dark, and trying too hard.
♪♪
Nighty-Knight: Huh? What’s that?
Either a paperweight or a flash grenade.
(zaps)
(Nighty-Knight gasps, groans)
(metal crashing)
(toy squeaks)
Nighty, night, Nighty-Knight.
Huh. Guess it was a flash grenade.
You are 100% going up on my inspiration board.
(rumbling)
(all yelp)
No time for laurel resting. Let’s go!
(dramatic music playing)
(air rushing)
Computer: Reaching terminal velocity. (Alarm blaring)
(straining) The retro rocket lever is jammed! (Grunts)
I can’t do this alone!
Megamind: Nor will you have to.
This is a team effort.
Hup!
(Go Fish g*ng member grunts)
(all straining)
Megamind: We need more mega-muscle!
Computer: Warning, warning. Impact is imminent.
Ground’s approaching fast! (Straining)
Megamind: Almost there!
Computer: Warning, warning…
Just a little more!
(warning continues)
(Polly cawing)
Computer: Warning…
(all yell)
(rockets humming)
(rockets blasting)
(thuds)
(dust flying)
(all shouting)
Computer: City landed.
Thank you for flying with us.
(relieved sighs)
You saved the city again, Sir.
No, we did.
♪♪
Sorry about your body, Chum.
That’s okay.
Still got a few spares in the closet. (Car horn honking)
(tires squeal) Roxanne: Oh, would you look at that.
(car doors open)
After the city’s already saved,
here comes the mayor to take all the credit.
Or he just wants to give me another award.
Award?! After what you just did to the city?
Hardly a building damaged this time.
We’re getting good at this.
Are you kidding?!
(echoing) You put the city backwards! Backwards… Backwards…
Personally, I prefer a mountain view,
but I’ll put it back later.
Uh, just so you know,
we all risked our lives to save the city
while you were cowering from your job.
Oh, you think you can do better?
I know I can.
Oh!
Um, (huffing) okay.
(beeps)
Just sent you my resume.
(door shuts, car departs)
Mayor Roxanne Ritchi.
I like the sound of that.
(energetic music playing)
(crowd cheering)
(Polly cawing)
We are ready to do thy bidding, Your Majesty.
Okay. Okay. I’m the mayor now, not royalty.
Forgive us, Your Excellency.
Got the exclusive right here, Mega-fans.
Roxanne on the inside,
Megamind, Chum, and yours truly on the outside.
And all of us working together
to keep Metrocity safe from evil.
You’re getting good at this hero thing.
You know, I-I think I finally learned the big difference
between being a hero and being a villain.
What’s that?
Bad guys look out for themselves.
Heroes look out for each other.
Together, we’ll be unstoppable.
Keiko, if you’ll do the honor.
(excited squealing)
(triumphant music playing)
(Polly cawing)
Evil has finally met its match.
(Polly cawing)
(oil splats)
Ugh, you’ve gotta be kidding me!
♪♪
(dramatic sting)
I call this meeting to order.
As leader, I permit it.
No! Me leader!
(wall smashing)
Huh?
Suave Voice: I must say, I commend you all for your efforts against Megamind but, alas, you lack the proper leadership to get the job done.
Oh, really?
(powers charging up)
Ha!
(zaps)
(Pierre shrieks)
On second thought, maybe change is a good thing.
Suave Voice: So glad you’ve come around.
With my help, our blue friend will rue the day he betrayed evil.
Nighty-Knight: What makes you think you can take down Megamind when we all couldn’t?
Because I, Machiavillain, am the evil genius who taught Megamind everything he knows.
And I promise, our blue friend will rue the day he betrayed evil!
(evil laugh)
♪ Supervillain, ahead of his time ♪
♪ Incredibly handsome genius criminal mastermind ♪
♪ But now, he’s all cleaned up and fighting crime ♪
♪ A superhero that you stream online ♪
♪ It’s Megamind ♪
♪ Oh, feels good to be good this time ♪
♪ It’s Megamind ♪
♪ Oh, it’s Megamind ♪
♪ Evildoers, they better run and hide ♪
♪ Him and his sidekick Chum are working overtime ♪
♪ That big blue head never looked so fine ♪
♪ ‘Cause he’s a hero, your superhero ♪
♪ A superhero that you stream online ♪
♪ It’s Megamind ♪
♪ It feels good to be good this time ♪
♪ It’s Megamind ♪
♪ Woo! Megamind ♪
(rock guitar riff)
♪ Oh yeah ♪
♪ Oh… ♪
♪ It’s Megamind ♪
♪ Oh, it’s so good to be good this time ♪
♪ It’s Megamind ♪
♪ Sing it with me now ♪
♪ Megamind ♪
♪ It’s Megamind ♪
♪ Oh, feels good to be good this time ♪
♪ It’s Megamind ♪
♪ Megamind ♪
♪ Ah… ♪
♪ A superhero that you stream online ♪
♪ It’s Megamind ♪
♪ Megamind rules! ♪
(song ends)
(cinematic music playing)
(shimmers)
Megamind vs. The Doom Syndicate (2024)
Moderator: Maskath3