01x27 - Ship of Spies: Part 1

[bunniefuu]

Hey, mack,
here's your soup.

Hey, this isn't
tomato soup.

Now it is.

My compliments
to the chef.

- Mind if I sit down?
- Yes.

Thank you.

Careful, some of it's
getting in your mouth.

- What'll you have?
- Beer.

What did you
find out, 86?

- I think I've got
a lead, chief.
- Hold it.

Go ahead.

Whoever stole the plans
for the nuclear amphibian
battleship

Is gonna smuggle 'em out
of the country tonight.

- How'd you find that out?
- I made contact
with an informer.

He's gonna find out
what ship they're
planning to use.

He should be
in here any minute.

- Good work, max.
- There's only one
problem, chief.

He won't give
the information to me.

He's afraid they're
suspicious already,

And if he's seen talking
to me, he'll be
in great danger.

You go back
to your table.
When the man comes in,

You whistle a couple
of bars of "yankee doodle."
I'll make the contact.

- Right, chief.
- You can whistle,
can't you?

Of course I can whistle.
One more thing, chief,
very important.

What?

Don't order
the tomato soup.

Sing "yankee doodle."

[ Humming ]

- Let's see...
- What's the matter, buddy?

Nothing, nothing.
I'm just trying to remember
how "yankee doodle" goes.

[ Whistling ]

Woman:
what do you mean?
let me alone!

Chief:
i'm sorry, madam.
i'm sorry.

don't "madam" me.

i'll call a cop!

Sorry about that, chief.
That wasn't him.

I know.

Would you like to hear
"claire de lune"?

How do you like that?
It's snowing.

[ Singing ]

[ g*nf*re ]

- [ Patrons clamoring ]
- [ man groaning ]

[ clip-clopping footsteps ]

Who did this?
Can you tell us?

- Who stole the plans?
- [ Panting ] drink, please.

Drink.

Here you are, fella.
Drink this milk.

Is it regular

Or skim?

It's regular.
Go ahead, drink it.

Strict diet.

Only drink skim.

Can't you tell us
anything?

Evening star
sails at midnight.

He's dead, max.

- Do you know what
this means?
- Yes, chief.

Too much dieting
can be a very
dangerous thing.

[ theme music playing ]

Don't release them until
you've run a security
check on all of them.

Watch the door,
larrabee.

You know, chief,
I'll never forget

The sound that k*ller made
when he walked away.

I'll recognize it
immediately the next
time I hear it.

- What was it like, max?
- Well, it was a kind
of a clip-clop, clip-clop.

Like a man
with a special shoe?

- Or a man walking with a cane.
- Or a man with very
loose dentures.

Let's get on
with the briefing.
We don't have much time.

- The evening star sails
in about 15 minutes.
- Okay, chief.

First of all, smart,
this is a model
of the same

Type of ship
as the evening star.

Pay particular
attention to this
section of the ship.

This is the passenger
section.

It's awfully small,
isn't it?

- It's a freighter, max.
- I don't care.

It only carries
half a dozen
passengers.

Well, what about
the cargo?

The evening star's cargo
is divided into two
compartments.

In this compartment

There are about 900
tons of bananas.

Oh, boy.
If this wall
in between the bananas

And the other compartment
ever breaks down,

There will be
real trouble.

Why, what's in
the other compartment?





Now wait a minute,
professor parker.

How many bananas would
that be to a monkey?

Oh, well,
that would depend

On how hungry each monkey
would be and--

Wouldn't it
also depend upon how
large the bananas were?

Gentlemen,
forget about the monkeys.

This is some sort
of zoological expedition.

Now, max,
when you get beyond
the three-mile limit,

This case automatically
falls under the jurisdiction

Of our international
control section.

You'll be contacted
by an agent who'll give
you further instructions.

- How, chief?
- Possibly with this.

Oh, well, I certainly
hope the message
doesn't reach me.

Oh, this is no
ordinary g*n, smart.

This is a very
cleverly disguised
radio telephone.

Here, let me show you.

What's the number
on your handle?



Okay, six...

Five... Two.

[ Rings ]

- What happens now?
- Break it and talk
into the handle.

- Hello.
- Hello!

Oh, is that you,
parker?

Yes, indeed.
Is that you, smart?

Yes, how have you been?

Oh, just fine and you?

Oh, pretty good.
Certainly is nice
talking to you.

Listen, parker,
there's a question
I'd like to ask you.

- sh**t.
- Now--

- Now about the bananas.
If each monkey--
- you're doing it again.

Let's get on
with the briefing.

Right, chief.
Parker, there's one
thing that bothers me.

This makes an awfully
loud ring.

What if you wanna phone
someone quietly?

Well,
use your sil*ncer.

[ knock on door ]

I brought your
suitcases, max.

You'd better hurry.
It's almost midnight.

- Right, 99.
- Get going, max. I don't
want you to miss that boat.

Right, chief. Don't worry.
I'll do the job.

- Good luck, max.
- Be careful, max.

- Right, 99.
- Remember, max, find them
and bring them back.

Right, chief.

Chief, what am
I looking for?

The plans for the nuclear
amphibian battleship.

- Oh, the stolen blueprints.
- We don't know if they're
blueprints.

- They may have been
reduced to a drawing.
- They could be on microfilm.

We don't know what shape
they're in.we want you to get
onboard and find the plans

Before the boat reaches
its destination.

- Right, chief.
- Now do you want anyone
to go with you

To show you where
the evening star
is tied up?

Don't be ridiculous,
chief.

I know this section
of town like I know
the back of my hand.

Can somebody show me
to the back of my hand?



Hi, 86.
Welcome aboard.

Thank you.

Nice to see that you're
here backing me up.

How far out are we?

- Oh, about 20 miles.
- How can you tell?

This is my fifth trip.
You get so you can
recognize the signs.

Temperature of the water,
the kind of seagulls,

The number
of fish around.

Are there fish
down there?

Sure, take a look.

Oh, yes, I see them.
Quite of bit of them too.

- What are they?
- Sharks.

It's nothing
to worry about.

They're just waiting
around for something
to eat.

- Like what?
- Like me.

Try to keep up
your nerve, 44.

After all, you are
a control agent.

Sure, that's easy
for you to say.
Look what you've got--

Nice dry clothes,
good food,

Nice warm stateroom.

- Look where I've got
to stay.
- Where?

In the cargo hold.

With the bananas
and the monkeys?

That's where I'll be
during the day disguised
as one of them.

You're disguising
yourself as a banana?

No, as a monkey.
Well, I'd better be
getting back there.

- They're saving
my dinner for me.
- Oh, what are you having?

I think it's
cabbage tonight.

Cabbage?
Well, that's not so good.

Don't worry, 44.
I'll try and smuggle
something down

From the passengers'
table for you.

I don't mind eating
with the monkeys.

Anyway, some of us
have gotten together.

We're trying
to break through
to the bananas.

Well, good luck.
I hope you make it.

Oh, one more thing, 44.

Do you have any idea
about suspects?

You mean someone
who might have
smuggled the plans

- For the nuclear amphibian
battleship onboard?
- Exactly.

I've been
on the job, 86.

I got a list right here
of all possible suspects.

Careful, 44!

- That was a close one.
- Yes.

You almost dropped the list.
Well, now let's see.

This should narrow
the suspects down
quite a bit.

- Well, I'll see
you later, 44.
- Right.



This looks like
the complete passenger list.

It is.don't you know what
they call this freighter?

- What?
- Ship of spies.

Well, hang on, 44.

Oh!

Sorry about that.

[ clip-clopping footsteps ]

[ Lock jiggling ]

I'm afraid we
haven't been properly
introduced, senor.

Oh, forgive me.

My name is
maxwell smart.

My name is consuela juanita
dorotea marquita merendez.

Oh, this is just
a wild guess.

But you're not american,
are you?

How very observant
of you, mr. Smart.

Yes, well, we're trained
to be observant,
miss merendez.

Or should I call you
fraulein?

I am spanish,
mr. Smart.

Oh, well, that would
have been my next guess.

- Well, I think you
can release me now.
- Oh.

I wonder if you can
tell me why you've been
wandering around this ship

- In your nightgown.
- This is not my nightgown,
mr. Smart.

It is my costume.
I am a professional
dancer.

I have been employed
to entertain
the passengers.

Have you also been
employed to enter
other people's staterooms?

All those cabins
and corridors look
so much alike,

I thought this
was my cabin.

- 'Tis an easy mistake
to make.
- I see.

Perhaps you will make
the same mistake some
night, mr. Smart.

I doubt that.
I have an uncanny
sense of direction.

Of course, none of us
are infallible.

One moment,
miss merendez.

si, senor smart.

One question
before you leave.

That clip-clop noise
I heard

In the corridor
just before you came in...

You mean this,
senor smart?

[ Plays castanets ]

So that was it.

It is my castanets.

[ clip-clopping footsteps ]

[ lock jiggling ]

[ Knocks ]

There's only one way
to break this hold.

That's the way.

- 99!
- Oh, max.

I'm terribly sorry.

But I heard that
clip-clop noise you
were telling us about,

And I opened the door
to see who it was
and you came in.

Yes, well, that clip-clop
noise is made by that man
across the hall.

I wanna use your cabin
to get a running start

- And break
his door down.
- Right.

Okay, ready, set, go!

Wait a minute, 99.
What are you doing
onboard?

This is my case.

Oh, well, I had
this two weeks
vacation coming,

And there was
an extra cabin,
and so here I am.

Well, this isn't
a very good place
for a vacation.

Are you ready?
Set, go!

Wait a minute, 99.
Are you sure the chief
didn't send you here

- To back me up?
- Of course not, max.

- The chief knows you can
take care of yourself.
- Good.

- Ready, set, go!
- Wait a minute, max.

Before you go, don't you
think you oughta speak
to captain groman?

Why, is he good
at breaking down doors?

No, max, but after all,
this is his ship.

- Yes, well, have you met
the captain yet?
- No.

Well, I'll tell you what--
look up in the control files

- And see if we've got
anything on him.
- Right.

Right here, max.

"Captain harvey
wolf groman."

Wolf? Is that what
the crew calls him?

No, wolf is his
given name. The crew
calls him harvey.

"He's seen over 30 years
maritime experience.

He's lost two ships
in the last w*r."

Allied or enemy?

- One of each.
- A man of divided loyalties.

"He has only one friend
who's an oriental and acts
as his bodyguard."

Yes, well, I'll try
and get a look at both
of them later.

- Right now I wanna break
this guy's door down.
- Right.

Ready...

Set, go!

[ glass shatters ]

Max, max-- oh!

[ clip-clopping footsteps ]

Max, where are you?

Max!

Here we go.

- 99.
- What, max?

You don't suppose
when you pulled me,

You might have torn me
in half, do you?



Max, whoever did this
hit me and left the cabin
just after we arrived.

I heard a clip-clop
go down the hallway.

- You think he's dead?
- Yes.

- What do you think?
- Yes.

No.

Well, that's two for
and one against.

Max, he's still alive.

- Who are you?
- Inspector sehokian,

Armenian branch,
international control.

Who did this?

Cannot give you his--
how you say?

- Name.
- Identity.

We'd better get him
a doctor.

No time.
Must talk before i...

Before i...

- How do you say?
- Die.

Succumb.

The man who did this...

Who-- how do you say?

- Stabbed you.
- att*cked me.

He-- he knew I have
uncovered...

- How do you say?
- Information?

- Evidence.
- But...

please, no buts.

The plans,

They are not plans.

They are...

- Max, he's...
- Dead.

Deceased.

What did he mean
the plans are not plans?

I don't know, 99,
but we've gotta get this
information to control.

- Right. Max, listen.
- [ clip-clopping footsteps ]

He makes that
clip-clop noise, too.

Yes, if this keeps up,
that clip-clop noise

Is gonna make
the top of the charts.

- Who is that man?
- Well, according
to the passenger list,

his name is
hector baccardo.

He's the famous
portuguese polo player.

I know this is
a stupid question, 99,

But how does
he play polo?

With great difficulty.

I knew it was
a stupid question.

He must have just come
from up on deck.

- We'd better keep
an eye on him.
- Right.

I'm going up on deck.

- Whoever m*rder*d inspector--
how do you say?
- Sehokian.

Sehokian. Whoever m*rder*d
him may be up there.

- I'm going with you, max.
- No, you're going right
back to your cabin.

- If I need you,
I'll call you on this.
- The p*stol phone?

Right, and, 99,
please be careful.

- There have been enough
killings for one day.
- Oh, max,

For the first time,
I really feel afraid.

For the first time ever
or for the first time today?

For the first time
since you and I have
been working together.

Listen, 99,
just remember this--

A coward is a frightened
man who's scared
to be brave,

But a brave man
is only a coward

Who isn't scared
to be frightened.

Oh, thank you, max.

I'll remember that.

- Are you ready?
- Yes.

[ Clears throat ]

[ phone rings ]

- Hello.
- Max, you all right?

- Yes, I'm all right, 99.
- What's happening, max?

Well, I can
see a light.

- what is it?
- max: it must be the bridge.

I can just barely make out
someone standing up there.

That must be
captain groman.

Well, now there's someone
standing right next to him.

that must be captain groman's
oriental servant.

So that's groman's
chinese.

- Now what's happening, max?
- Nothing, 99.

I don't think there's
anyone up here besides me.

[ clip-clopping footsteps ]

- Wait a minute.
- what is it?

That noise,
that clip-clop.

I hear it.

- What is it, max?
What's happening?
- Shh!


Have to hang up now.

- I may have to
fire my phone.
- Right.

[ g*nsh*t ]

[ g*nshots continue ]

Max, what's happening?
Answer me.

Listen, 99, this may be
a little optimistic,

But if I can hold out
until morning,

- At least I can see
who's sh**ting at me.
- [ g*nsh*t ]

- Max, do you need help?
- No no, I wouldn't
come up here, 99.

- [ g*nsh*t ]
- it's a rotten night.

Hold on, max.
I'm coming right up.

Max, is it very cold
up there?

- [ g*nsh*t ]
- no, but it's
a little damp.

Oh!

My door's locked
from the outside.
I can't open it!

[ Screams ]

Max!

Max, where are you?

I'm down here, 99!

- Where, max?
- In the water!

What do you want me
to do, max?

Have you got
the control files handy?

They're in my cabin.

Get them!

I've got them.

Look up my record.

Right here, max.
What do you want to know?

Did I pass
the control swimming test?

No!

[ theme music playing ]