01x30 - The Last One in Is a Rotten Spy

[bunniefuu]

[ suspenseful music playing ]

[ Phone dinging ]

[ man screams ]

[ thuds ]

[ Phone ringing ]

Hello.

This is maxwell smart,
secret agent 86 of control.

[ Foreign accent ]
I was in love with
your agent 81

Who was k*lled.

He told me
if anything happens to him

i must contact you.

i have names
of enemy agents.

Hold on just a second.

All right, go ahead.

I was told
to give you names
in person.

I am with swimming team
which is meeting

Your american girls
in washington.

Where can I contact you?

We will be training
at the international
sports club.

Well, how will I
recognize you?

I am 5'5",
have brown hair--

Go on, I'm recording
every word.

Well, uh, I may have
missed one or two.

Would you mind starting
from the beginning?

I give you my name.
You get pencil.

That's all right.
I have a fantastic memory.

Verna lenya
tsganyokov.

I'd better
get a pencil.

Two drawers
and only one shot left.

Hello.

I hear g*nsh*t.
You are dead?

No, I'm all right.

I was just looking
for a pencil.

I couldn't find one.
You'd better just
give me your name.

Verna lenya tsganyokov.

I'm sorry,
I can't make you out.

What is your last name?

Tsganyokov.
T-s-g-a-n--

T-s-j-e-a-n--

- [ door opens ]
- someone's coming.

I will contact you
at international sports club.

International sports club.

I'd better
write that down.

[ theme music playing ]

Man over loudspeaker:
start!

That's the american
team, max.

The other team
is over there.

I'll spot
the girl who phoned me
in a second, chief.

She said she was 5'5"
and had brown hair.

This may take
a little longer
than I thought, chief.

Then you can't
identify her, max?

Uh, no, chief.

Whoever it is,
I can't wait to
contact her.

Max, didn't you say
the girl gave you her
name on the phone?

Yes, it was
one of those long
foreign names,

But I'm sure
I'll recognize it
as soon as I hear it.

I can register the girls
using my cover identity

As an official
of the swimming meet.

As soon as you
recognize a name,
you let me know.

Right, chief.

Maybe the girl
will try to signal
you, max.

I certainly hope so.

[ splashes ]

[ Foreign accent ]
well, that was good,
but a swan

Must look like a swan,
not a vulture.

We will work on it--

Uh, I'm here
to register the girls.

They already have been
officially registered.

Haven't you ever heard

Of an official official
registration?

No.

Well, that's what
we're here for.

Give him your names.

Your names, please.

Myrna lenya askinyarov.

Verna yanya
yakornikov.

Rena lenya
chavgangriev.

Nina lenya
grehornikov.

All right, girls, go.

Max, do you know
which one it is?

Well, I'm not sure, 99,
but I've got it

Narrowed down
to two possibles...

And two maybes.

I don't like the looks
of that other man.

You're always
suspicious, greco.

Something strange
is going on here.

I'm going to
check on it.

Who are you?

Oh, we're with
the american team.

We're the chaperone
and the trainer.

I'm the trainer.

You don't look
like a trainer
to me.

Is that so?
Well, I happen
to be an expert.

Why, I once trained a girl
to swim

Across the english channel
four times!

Would you believe it?
Four times!

I find that
hard to believe.

Would you believe
three times across
the mississippi?

I don't think so.

How about
twice around the bathtub?

Once around the bathtub?

[ Phone ringing ]

Hello.

Verna:
i can't talk now.

i leave message
with names of enemy agents

at bottom
of swimming pool.

when drapes
on dormitory window
are closed,

- you will know
I have left it.
-[ Clicks ]

Wait.

- No signal yet?
- No, nothing, chief.

I wish it would come now
while the area is deserted.

Everybody's at lunch.

Maybe there's been
a change of plans.

Well, if she hasn't left
the message,

That means they must be
watching her, chief.

Yes, you're right.
Well, let's get
some lunch.

Ooh, good idea, chief.
I'm starved.

Look, there's
the signal now.

Right.
Now she said

She would leave
the message in the pool.

I'd better go change
into my trunks, chief.

There's no time.
Someone may come.
The area is deserted now.

Oh, well, I'll take
my clothes off then.

Max.

It's all right, 99.

The drapes are closed.
Nobody can look.

Will you get
into that pool now?

Boy, chief,
that water's cold.

Now.

Now?

Right, chief.

Uh, what do you
think, chief--

A half gainer
or a nice swan dive?

Right, chief.

I myself am
a little partial

To a one and a half twist
with a double gainer,
because--

[ Shouts ]
get in the pool!

Is the note
in the bottle, max?

No, chief,
there is no note.

Oh.maybe somebody
closed the drapes
accidentally.

Sorry about that, max.

Well, that's all right, chief.
It wasn't a complete
waste of time.

This is a deposit bottle.
I can get a nickel
back on it.

It was a good suggestion,
eating out here, max.

At least we can see
if the girl tries to
signal you again.

Right, chief.

Chief, the food here
is terrible.

This sandwich tastes
like I'm chewing
on paper.

Max, the message!

I'm chewing on paper.

Chief,
it's the message.

"Unable to leave
message in pool.

The names of the enemy
agents are..."

- Are what?
- In my stomach.

- What?!
- I ate the rest
of the message, chief.

I'd better go tell her
I didn't get it.

What are you
gonna do, max?

Don't worry,
I can handle it.

Sorry about that,
chief.

Uh, pardon me, girls,
but I've been expecting
a message

And I haven't
received it yet.

Now in case I'm gone
when it comes,

I'd like to leave
my telephone number.

Uh, does anyone here
have a pencil?

Never mind.
I will take care of this.

Exercise.

Why was it you wanted
to write down your
telephone number?

Was it for one
of my girls?

One of your girls?
Don't be ridiculous.
Of course not.

The reason I wanted
to write down my
telephone number

Was for--
was for you.

[ With accent ]
for me?vy?

"Vy"?yes, well--

Well, because it's
the law of nature.

I mean, after all,
you are a man and
I'm a woman--

I mean...

I understand.

Did the defector
get your message, max?
It's important.

- There's something more
important than that.
- What?

I'd like to make
an official request

To have my phone
number changed.

I told you there was
something strange
about him.

He was trying
to signal someone.

It's time he has an...
[ Blows ]

Accident.

Chief, whoever
our girl is,

She must have understood me
when I said I expected
a message.

[ arrow whooshes ]

Sorry about that.

It didn't know
it was loaded.

Oh, that's all right.

You know something,
chief?

There's something
about that man
I don't trust.

Chief, she's got to call.
She's just got to call.

Don't worry, max.
She will call.

[ Ringing ]

You were right, chief.
Hello.

- it's me.
- good, I've been
waiting for your call.

Now listen,
I've got to have
a list of those names.

Don't worry,
I'll protect you.
Nothing will happen to you.

all right.
i meet you in area

behind training pool
in 15 minutes.

Right.

- Well, that's it, chief.
- What did she say?

She's gonna meet me
in 15 minutes.

Max, please be careful.
You'll be out there alone,

A walking target
for a k*ller.

And...

Loving it.

Is it you?

You!
What are you
doing here?

Who are you talking to?
What's that piece of paper
in your hand?

Wait a minute, greco.
Don't ask me

So many questions
all at the same time.

- How do you expect me
to answer them?
- All right.

- What are you doing here?
- Nothing.

- Who are you talking to?
- No one.

What's that piece of paper
in your hand?

I don't know.
See?

Now when you ask me
the questions

One at a time nicely,
you get answers.

Well, so long, greco.

Just a minute.
Give me that piece
of paper.

Give it to me.

You're gonna
have to k*ll me
to get this note, greco.

Then I'll k*ll you.

It was only a suggestion.

Can't you let a guy
eat in peace?

Trainer:
greco? greco!

Sorry about that, greco.

Hope I wasn't
out of line.

Greco, what is it?

I heard noises
down here.

One of our girls
is meeting the trainer

From the american team.

She gave him a note.

I think we should
go back to the dormitory

And work them over,
find out which one it is.

No, we need
all of our girls

For the swimming meet
tomorrow.

Until then
we won't let them
out of our sight.

And then
when we get back
to our own country

We will find out
who it is

And then take care
of her.come.

You-- you ate
those names again?!

I had to eat them, chief,
otherwise greco would
have gotten them.

Why, he tried to k*ll me.

Imagine that.

Chief, I've got
to get those names.

I'm going in there,
find that girl

And get that list.
I figure

It'll take me
about... 10 Minutes.

But, max, that's
a dormitory full of women.

Hmm.

Better make that
an hour and 10 minutes.

What are you doing here?

Shh, I'm walking
in my sleep.

- With your clothes on?
- With my clothes on.

Yes, well, I always
walk in my sleep

With my clothes on.
You see,

In case I wake up suddenly
I like to take in
a late movie.

As a matter of face,
I'd better get going,

Because I hate to walk in
on the middle of a picture.

I know you're not
walking in your sleep.
[ Chuckles ]

Did you come to see
one of my girls?

Certainly not!

Then you must have come
to see me,

You dear impetuous man.

Couldn't you wait
for me to call?

Sorry about that, but i--

- Where are you going?
- Where am I going?

Yes, well, I thought
I'd go and get
some flowers.

You see, I hate to come
visiting empty-handed.

Oh, how thoughtful.
But I do not need flowers.

No flowers.
Well, uh, how about
some candy?

Or better yet,
chinese food?

I know a wonderful
restaurant.

Oh, how nice,

An intimate
midnight snack.

How long will it take you
to get to the restaurant?

Four days.
It's in shanghai.

- Shanghai?
- Would you believe
hong kong?

Well, wherever it is,

It's a long trip,
and I really better
get going.

Aren't you going
to kiss me goodbye?

Kiss you goodbye?
Yes, well, I'll kiss
you goodbye

- When I get back
from shanghai.
- Now.

Now?uh, yes, well,

Okay, if you close
your eyes.

- Vy?
- Vy?

Because I'm shy,
that's vy.

Kiss me!

Kiss me!kiss me!
Kiss me!

Girls:
what's going on here?
What is this noise?

- Is he trying to k*ll you?
- No, he's trying to kiss me.

- You'd better come with me.
- I think you'd better come
with me.

If it's all the same to you,
I'd rather go with them.

Get him out of here!

Sorry about that,
girls.

It wasn't
your fault, 86.

You did the best
you could, max.

What really
bothers me, chief,

Is that that girl missed
a golden opportunity.

How?

I was standing right there
in among all those girls.

She could very easily
have slipped

The list of names
into my pocket.

Then I could be sitting
here and reach
into my pocket

And come up
with the list of names.

- What's that, max?
- The list of names, chief.

The list of names?

We have what we came for.
Let's get out of here.

Wait a minute, chief.
What about that girl,

That brave
and beautiful girl
that tried to help us?

They find out about this
they'll k*ll her.

- But max--
- no, 99,

I gave her my personal
guarantee of safety.

I gave her my promise
that I'd protect her.

That's it.
I'm gonna wait
until morning

And then I'm going
in there.

Stop.turn around.

It's you!

Yes, it's me,
and you might as well
know the truth.

I'm from control
and one of your girls

Gave me a list
of enemy agents and
I'm here to take her out.

- You know
you could be k*lled.
- I don't care.

That doesn't
make any difference.
The important thing is

That she risked
her life to help me

And I gave her my word
I'd protect her.

And you don't go back
on your word to a brave
and beautiful girl.

- Take me.
- You?

I am the brave
and beautiful girl.

You are?

Well, how can I be
sure of that?

How do I know
you were the one
that gave me the list?

Is your name
vanya lenya yaskanyokov?

No.

- Renya lenya chavganriev?
- No.

- Nina lenya granoraveth?
- No.

- Verna lonya anyaazov?
- No.

No.well,
that takes care of that,

Because the girl that I know
has a name that sounds
just like that.

Verna lenya tsganyokov.

That's what
I was afraid of.

Are you sure
you wanna go with me?

- Yes
- are you packed?

- no.
- no?

Well, why don't you
go in and pack

And I'll come
back for you, say,
in a couple of weeks?

No, we'd better go now.

Greco is sure
to find out what
I have done.

Greco has
already found out
what you have done.

Greco has
already found out
what you have--

Drop the g*n, verna.

Now I'm going to
take care of both of you.

You're looking
for trouble, greco.

And who's going
to give it to me?

Run!

Wait a minute,
the g*n!

- There are
guards at the gate.
- How about the back?

No no,
guards there too.
This way.

There's greco!

- Come!
- Wait a minute!

Now either
I'm gonna run and hide
or I'm gonna stand and fight.

He's got a machine g*n!

Then run and hide.

Listen, you stay
right here.

I'm gonna get up
on the high board
where he can't see me.

Now when he comes to you,
I'll jump him.

Where is he?

Greco, watch out.

he's on the high board.

[ g*nshots ]

[ g*nshots ]

Here, keep your eye
on her.

- Where are you going?
- To get smart.

If he surfaces,
k*ll him.

- [ arrow whooshes ]
- [ screams ]

Now, mr. Smart...

- [ g*nsh*t ]
- [ screams ]

Let that be a lesson
to you, greco--

Never look a gift horse
in the mouth.

Well, chief,
we're all set to go.

- I'll go get myrna.
- It's verna, max.

- Verna, right.
- That's the trouble

With this whole
assignment, max.

The names
of the iron curtain girls
all sounded alike.

- You ready, max?
- Just a minute, 99.

I'd like to wish
the american girls good luck
in the swimming meet.

- Chief, do you have
the registration list?
- Yes.

Well, at least
we won't have any trouble

With these good old
american names.

"Bobby jean harper,

Betty june parker,

Bonnie joan booker

And bunny jane baker."

[ theme music playing ]