02x08 - Hoo Done It

[bunniefuu]

Am I going too fast for you, 99?

No, max, I'm fine.

- Are we almost there?
- We must be.

It's gotta be around
here someplace.

So this is the fabulous island
of tuwana, gateway to hawaii.

What a spot for a vacation.


Vacation. This is just our cover.

- We're here on a top secret mission.
- What is our assignment, max?

I don't know. Here.

Hold that. I had sealed orders.

Max, you mean you
haven't opened that yet?

But you know control
procedure calls for

The opening of sealed orders
before arrival at destination.

Are you sure, 99? I never
got that in training school.

Of course you did, max.
Don't you remember?

We were given a sealed envelope containing
information about opening sealed orders.

- Didn't you get that?
- Yes, but I never opened the envelope.

Listen to this, 99.

We're to meet a
colonel roger forsythe,

A retired officer of
the british black watch.

He has some information
for us about a kaos plot.

- We'd better get on to the hotel.
- Right, max.

- Here, let me take this, 99.
- Oh, thank you, max.

Careful, 99.

That's expensive luggage.

Hmm, this must be the place.

- Max: oh, hi there.
- oh, good morning.

Listen, if you're the hotel
gardener, you're in a lot of trouble.

No no, I'm milton conrad.
Welcome to the tuwana conrad.

- I'm the owner.
- Oh, that's very clever, mr. Conrad.

You've named the hotel the
tuwana conrad after yourself.

I'm sorry I can't see
you to your rooms,

But I have urgent
business on the mainland.

- Are we on the hotel grounds?
- Oh yes, this is the golf course.

The hotel is straight
up the fairway.

Oh, you'll need this.

Thank you.

Sure is a sporty
little course, isn't it?

Oh, pardon me. I wonder if you could tell
me where I could find colonel forsythe.

Right this way.

- Woman: here here!
- come on, make a wish.

And don't tell
anybody what it is.

I don't think he's
going to get his wish.

k*lled by an exploding
birthday cake.


Funny going on around here.

I've called the police
as you directed, sir.

An inspector will be arriving
from the mainland any minute.

Good. Come on, 99. We
might as well check in.

Right, max.

- Uh, do you have a room?
- Yes, someone just checked out.

You have a reservation for
a mr. And mrs. Livingstone?

Ah yes, mr. Livingstone.

Your room is 104
and your wife is in 211.

May I ask a personal question?

Yes, but just one.

It might seem a bit presumptuous,
but it's rather strange.

- What is?
- That you're in room 104

And your wife is in 211.

Perhaps you're right.
I'll tell you what,

Put me in 211 and
put her in 104.

- What was that?
- That's one of the features of the island,

An active volcano.
Does that every hour.

- You can set your watch by it.
- That seemed rather severe.

- How close is the volcano?
- Oh, about 15 feet.



I'll see to your luggage now.

Max, this hotel
gives me the creeps.

Exploding birthday
cakes, volcanoes,

Why would anyone
want to come here?

For one thing, 99, you
can't beat the rates.

I don't care what you say, max.

Anyone would be a fool to
come to the tuwana conrad.

Moment please. Do not deny
implication, only resent it.

Unless I miss my guess, 99,

That would be harry hoo,
the famous hawaiian detective.

this way, please.

Ah, mr. Smart. Miss 99.

Hi, hoo. How are ya?

- Not too happy, mr. Smart.
- What's wrong?

To be too happy
is to invite trouble

From hawaiian god ki'nahora.

I see you've brought a
change of clothes, mr. Hoo.

Oh yes, found wonderful
tailor in hong kong, mr. Smart.

How come all your suits
are exactly the same?

Oh, beg to differ. All
have different styles.

Oh. I guess all chinese
suits look alike to me.

Do you always
wear white, mr. Hoo?

Except in summer.



Go in and see that the guests
don't leave the dining room

- Till I've had a chance to question them.
- Right, max.

Ah so, mr. Smart.

Once again bird of death
has brought us together.

Yes, and it's a little
embarrassing for me, mr. Hoo.

You see, I had an appointment
with the m*rder*d man.

Ah, tell me, mr. Smart,

- How was victim k*lled?
- By an exploding birthday cake.

Ah so. That again.

- Again?
- Yes, becoming quite common.

In some countries it
is considered crime

To carry concealed
birthday cake.

Tell me, what do you
know about victim?

Well, his name was
colonel forsythe.

He was a master
spy who infiltrated

The japanese high command
just before the last w*r.

Ah, did japanese
ever suspect him?

No no, he was too
clever for that.

You see, he was able to
divert suspicion from himself

By personally ordering the
sneak attack on pearl harbor.

Amazing.

Mr. Hoo, the four suspects
are waiting for you.

Correction please. There are
not four suspects in this case,

- There are seven.
- Seven?

But there are only four guests
outside of colonel forsythe.

I am including you, miss


you see, I have learned never
to eliminate possible suspect.

In one case, I was
suspect until very end.

- Did you do it?
- Of course not.

m*rder*r was oriental
detective all right,

But was another
oriental detective.

Well, that must have
been a big relief to you.

Max, I think I'd better
go check the grounds.

Good idea, 99.

And while you're out there,
why don't you have a look around?

I have gathered you
all here to question you

About the unfortunate
passing of colonel forsythe.

Will you all please
identify yourselves?

- Starting with you, sir.
- My name is ben gazzman.

I guess you'd call
me an adventurer.

I go about the world drinking,
loving and driving fast cars,

Trying to crowd as many
experiences as I can into my life.

See, the doctor told me I
only have two years to live.

When did he tell you that?



Do you have any
questions, mr. Smart?

Yes, mr. Hoo, I'd like to know where you
were when the m*rder was committed.

Not for me, for him!

No questions.

Amazing.

- And you, sir.
- I'm arthur von werner.

I'm swiss. I'm a watchmaker.

And I suppose you were a
neutral during the w*r?

I said I was swiss. I
was never a neutral.

I was just taking the orders.

Sorry but humble
detective think you are lying.

- And I think you are a fool.
- Now wait a minute!

You can't talk that way to
the world's greatest detective.

Control yourself, mr. Smart.

As confucius say, "stick
and stone may break my bone

But name will never hurt me."

- Confucius said that?
- As a child.

Now, von werner,
what are your hobbies?

Watercolors, classical music

und t*rture.

- I don't think he's a watchmaker.
- I have proof!

I designed already
this very cuckoo clock.

sieg heil!

sieg heil!

- It's not 2:00.
- Don't argue with him!

If he says it's 2:00,
you'd better believe him.

I still say he's lying.

Mr. Smart, let us not pursue it.

I still have relatives
living in switzerland.

now it's 2:00!

Instead of prosecuting the
swiss, why don't you find out

Why an hour before he died

He was drinking
martinis with that woman.

That is a lie! We were
drinking manhattans.

Ah so, that is most
helpful, madam.

- You are?
- I am the contessa dorina montenegro.

I met the colonel this morning
and fell madly in love with him.

but it is always the same.

Uh, explain please.

There is nothing to
explain. It is simply that

Every time I meet a
handsome and dashing man

Something terrible
always happens to him.

Hmm, I'd better watch myself.

Amazing.

Now our final
suspect of the evening.

I am omar shurok.

I'm lebanese.

- I'm a spy.
- Ah so.

And on what country do you spy?

I spy on every country.

Except austria. I
promised my mother

I would never spy on austria.

Uh, why is that?

My mother is spying on austria.

Mr. Shurok, does the name
kaos mean anything to you?

Kaos? The international
organization of evil?

Formed in 1904 in bucharest,

Designed to foment unrest and
revolution throughout the world?

- Yes.
- I never heard of it.

- I think he's lying.
- Max!

A storm's brewing, so the ferry
can't reach us from the mainland.

- We're cut off!
- In that case,

Must insist that
no one leave island.


Some kind of a boat

We can get to take
us to the mainland.

No, max, the employees took the
boat with them. They've all left.

And, max, a strange thing...

Someone's cut
the telephone wires.

Any further
questions, mr. Smart?

Yes, as a matter of fact, I do have
some further questions, mr. Hoo.

I'd like to ask each one
of you one question.

Do you believe that
colonel forsythe

Was what he said he was

Or do you believe he was a spy?

Very well, let's begin the
questioning with mr. Gazzman.

I think he was a
retired colonel.

Okay, one down and
three to go. Contessa?

Did the colonel
perform a service?

I'm not sure but I think
he was self-employed.

Mr. Smart, I think this
line of questioning

Will not be productive.
Suggest we all go to our rooms

- And lock door. Good night, von werner.
- Good night, mr. Hoo.

Good night, mr. Gazzman.

Good night, von werner.
Good night, shurok.

Good night, mr. Gazzman.
Good night, contessa.

Good night, mr. Shurok.
Good night, mr. Smart.

Good night, contessa.
Good night, mr. Hoo.

Good night, mr. Smart.
Good night, von werner.

Good night...

- Let me try, max.
- Don't be silly, 99.

If I can't do it, what makes
you think you can do it?

You've got a lot to learn
about male superiority.

Max, there's a storm brewing.

It's going to be very dangerous
to try to row to the mainland.

I suppose so, but someone's
got to get to the mainland

And tell them that we're stranded out
here with a crazy maniacal kaos k*ller.

I guess you're
right. Goodbye, max.

Goodbye, 99. And good luck.

For your information,
mr. Smart, I've arranged

To meet mr. Gazzman
in the dining room.

- You mean to tell me...
- Yes, I believe we have our m*rder*r.

Ah, mr. Gazzman, the
little game is ended.

You have been clever, but
not too clever for harry hoo.

You have always
been my prime suspect.

Until now.

- What is he saying?
- He says your knee is on his chest.

Sorry about that.

Is he still alive?

I don't know. Better take pulse.

his pulse.

He's dead.

It is wisely written, mr. Hoo,

That dead men tell no tales.

I'll do the proverbs please.

Just search pockets
for possible clues.

Okay, let's see... Kaos
identification card.

A white feather.

Black book with
three names circled.

Ah, pattern is
beginning to emerge.

A trained black widow spider.

- And a torn page...
- Wait a minute.

- What did you say?
- A torn page...

No no, before that.

A trained black widow spi...

A trained black widow spider!

Exactly!

Familiar and diabolical method:

Using trained spider
to do k*ller's work.

Say, I've got a
great idea, mr. Hoo!

Why don't we get all the
guests and form them in a circle

And see who the
spider crawls to?

Do you know what
mr. Gazzman's death means?

Yes, I do, mr. Hoo.

It means that the
exploding birthday cake

Can no longer be
considered just an accident.

Amazing.

- Look at this, mr. Hoo.
- What is that?

Just before gazzman died

He scrawled the initials of
his k*ller on this slip of paper.

Permit me. "H.h."

- That's of no importance.
- Wait a minute.

Herbert hoover?

- Hubert humphrey...
- Now, mr. Smart...

- Hector hernandez...
- Mr. Smart...

Yes?

I have decided upon method
of trapping m*rder*r.

Tonight at dinner you
will make announcement

That tomorrow morning
you intend to expose k*ller.

Oh. What good will that do?

Well, m*rder*r fearing capture

- Will try to k*ll you.
- Oh, good!

Eh... He will?

Well, that means that I could
die trying to solve this case.

Mr. Smart, it is truly written

You can't win them all.

Mr. Hoo, I did as you suggested.

I made the announcement
at the dinner table tonight.

Now all we have to do is
wait for m*rder*r to strike.

- I'm certain he will appear...
- I hope you're right.

- And try to k*ll you.
- I hope you're wrong.

Shh!

So it is you, shurok.
You're the m*rder*r.

- What are you talking about?
- First you k*lled colonel forsythe.

Then you k*lled mr. Gazzman.
And tonight you tried to k*ll me

- Before I could learn your identity.
- I haven't k*lled anyone!

Oh no? Then perhaps you can
explain what you're doing here.

I was going to
bed! This is my room!

Mr. Hoo and I both agree
that it is no longer safe

For any of us to be left alone.

That way it would be too easy for
the k*ller to pick us off one by one.

Yes, humbly fear that
if we all stay together

k*ller will be unable to strike.

- Do you agree, contessa?
- Yes yes, of course.

- And you, herr von verner?
- It's von werner!

und I'm swiss.

And you, mr. Shurok,
do you not feel

That we will all be safer
if we stay together...

Mr. Shurok has provided

Strong argument
against my proposal.

Another m*rder.

How was it done
this time, mr. Hoo?

Perhaps poison needle,
perhaps strangulation.

Providence has been kind.
Mr. Shurok was only napping.

Max: yes, well, it is a
little stuffy in here.

i suggest that we all go out
on the patio and get a breath...

Moment, please.

- Is he sleeping too?
- Sleep that is endless.

Of course.

A pinch of casteroid
potassium, a deadly poison.

I do not understand
why von werner

Did not notice casteroid
potassium in tea.

How could he? It tastes like any
one of a thousand other poisons.

Amazing.

Contessa, I'm going
to keep my eye on you

And harry hoo is going
to watch mr. Shurok.

I feel so safe with you
protecting me, mr. Smart.

Well, I don't like to boast,

But of all the hundreds
of people I've guarded,

I've only lost three.

Would you believe four?

Ah! So so sorry. Another
point for me, mr. Shurok.

Oh, good shot. Aha ha!

That's it, mr. Shurok,
game is over.

What happened?



Another man
m*rder*d, how horrible.

He wasn't playing well anyway.

Well, of course not!
He had an axe in his back.

Five people m*rder*d one by one,

And only you and I left
alone on this island, mr. Hoo.

Uh, let us not leap to
conclusion, mr. Smart.

Suggest we put g*n on table
and discuss case sensibly.

I am reminded of
similar case in 1952.

20 people on ocean liner,

One by one they died.

Did you find the k*ller?

Yes, it was typhoid epidemic.

Do you believe that there is a
typhoid epidemic on this island, mr. Hoo?

No such luck, mr. Smart.

Find that all victims
had one thing in common.

A bad travel agent?

No, they were all
members of kaos.

I found that they
had one of these

In each one of their suitcases.

A kaos identification ring.

If all victims were kaos agents,

Conclude that k*ller must be man
with pathological hatred of kaos.

You are such a man, mr. Smart.

And since you are only
man on island besides myself,

- You must be m*rder*r.
- Moment please, mr. Hoo.

You are forgetting one thing.

You are forgetting
that when gazzman died

He wrote the initials
of his k*ller: h.h.

and I've come to the conclusion
that h.h. Stands for harry hoo.

And since you and I are the
only ones left on this island,

then you must be the m*rder*r.

So it did work...
Down to the last man.

Not quite, mr. Conrad.

Mr. Hoo, your hunch was right.

Conrad never did
leave the island.

You see, he knew that all of
his guests were kaos defectors.

So he had to k*ll
colonel forsythe

Before he could arrange for
their passage back to the states.

Yes, mr. Conrad was taken
in by our little charade.

he counted on us
k*lling one another.

He cleverly planted suspicion
by leaving note marked "h.h."

By mr. Gazzman's body.

Well, to tell you
the truth, mr. Hoo,

I thought that h.h.
Stood for harry hoo.

Oh, please do not
apologize, mr. Smart.

You also suspected
herbert hoover.

I don't understand! I saw
you sh**t each other.

How is it you're not both dead?

Because we took
the simple precaution

Of loading our g*ns with blanks.

Ooh.

In that case, gentlemen,

Put your hands up.

Amazing.



Oh max, it's so lucky that I
couldn't reach the mainland.

I'll say it was.

So it was conrad who
k*lled colonel forsythe.

Yes, and a few other good people
too. It's a good thing you shot him.

- I guess I saved your life, max.
- Not only that, 99,

But now we can check out of
the hotel without paying our bill.

Ah so, storm is over

And another case is solved.

Do you see anything
yet, mr. Hoo?

No, can see nothing.


With that luggage!

- I'm trying, max!
- Why don't you help her, mr. Smart?

Oh, good idea. Here,
let me take this bag, 99.

- Thanks, max.
- You chop for a while.

Boy...

This vegetation
really grows fast.

Any sign of boat yet, mr. Smart?

No, but maybe we can see
better when we get outside.

I think we're on the
right path, mr. Hoo.

Here's the front desk.