02x10 - The Greatest Spy on Earth

[bunniefuu]

Hold it, 99, I think
this is the place.

Max, are you sure this is
where agent 51 said to meet him?

What's the matter with
you, 99? You're awfully jumpy.

Don't you like the circus?

Not at night, max.
Listen to those animals.

- Relax, 99.
- Relax?

Agent 51 said to
be very careful.

That we'd be in extreme
danger every minute.


Way of life to me.

The whole secret to it

Is to remain calm
and poised at all times.

- Max...
- Agh! Don't do that, 99.

I'm sorry, max, but I
thought I heard footsteps.

I didn't hear anything, 99.
It must be your imagination.

I'm agent 51. Don't be afraid.



You scared me to death!

I'm sorry, but I didn't want
any screams when you saw me.

I wouldn't have screamed.

I wasn't worried about you.

What's going on here, 51? What are you
doing in that ridiculous gorilla costume?

It was the only
job they had open.

Listen, I haven't got much
time. I'm due back for rehearsal.

But I think I've
cracked the case.

Tell the chief that... Uh!

They got me, 86, they got me.

Who got you, who? Tell us quick.

- Give him a chance, 99. Take it easy.
- Max, there's no time.

Will you let me handle this?


Like a glass of water?

No thanks, i...

How about a banana?

It's no use, max. He's dead.

Poor 51. What a way to go,

With a knife in his back in
a ridiculous gorilla suit.

Well, that's show business.

Kaos is using this circus
for a smuggling operation.

Everywhere this circus has
traveled, in europe and america,

Supplies of industrial
diamonds have become depleted.

Now added to that is the
fact that there have been

Four mysterious deaths in
the circus in the past six months.

Agent 51 was the fifth.

Each of the others
died a violent death

During an actual performance.

Hmm. No wonder they
draw such big crowds.

Max, did you find
anything on 51's body?

Well, just this ring, chief.

Let me see.

It's a diamond ring. You
know what that could mean?

He was engaged?

No, he was getting
closer to the truth.

That's why he was eliminated.

Max, you and 99 will return to the
circus to get to the bottom of this.

Now I want you to get over to the lab
and see carlson for some special equipment.

I want you to pose as reporters
for "circus world" magazine.

Look chief, since
this is a circus,

Why don't we go
as tent salesmen?

What's the matter
with being reporters?

Well, nothing, chief, except
that a tent's a better cover.

A little humor there, chief.

Okay.

Now since your cover
is to be reporters,

We've developed this
special equipment.

Inside this camera

Is a hidden tape recorder.

And this tape recorder

Actually conceals
a hidden camera.

May I ask you a question,
professor carlson?

Certainly.

Uh, why hide a tape
recorder in a camera

And a camera in a tape recorder?

Why not just take
pictures with the camera

And record with the recorder?

Because my mind doesn't
work that way, that's why.

Mr. Smart?

I'm pepper hanlon, press
agent for the circus.

- Good to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.

Uh, "circus world" magazine asked us
to do a story on your circus, mr. Hanlon,

And we thought an
interesting approach

Might be the bad luck
that's been dogging you,

Like the five fatal accidents
in the last six months.

Oh, yes, that's a
terrible shame.

Of course the circus can
be a dangerous business.

Is the circus insured?

An insurance man came
around just last month.

- Oh, that's good.
- No, that's bad. He had an accident.

- Was he insured?
- I don't think so.

Where would you like
to begin your interviews?

Well, we thought we might like
to start with the main suspects...

Uh, performers.

Um, how about raymond the
magnificent, the knife thrower?

- Fine, his trailer is right over there.
- Oh, thank you.

You must be the reporters
from the "circus world" magazine.

And you must be
raymond the magnificent.

You may tell your readers

I am the greatest knife
thrower in the world.

Have you always been a
knife thrower, raymond?

No.

I started in the circus,
jumping 500' from a diving board

Into a barrel of flaming oil.

Wasn't that
incredibly dangerous?

I took steps to
minimize the risks.

- What did you do?
- I cut out matinees.

Well, I must say, raymond,

That you certainly keep your
knives in magnificent condition.

The blade of this one
sparkles like a diamond.

Come in.

Who's that?

That's rudolph,
the circus mascot.

Now if you'll excuse me please,
I must see to an urgent matter.


Strange about that man.

Did you notice the reaction on his
face when I said the word "diamond"?

- Mm-hmm.
- I think he knows something.

- Take a look and see where he went.
- Right, max.

Max, he's gone into
another trailer.

He's in there
talking to someone.

Do you think we should
consult the chief about him?

Max, he's just a
harmless little monkey.

I know that, 99, but
he's still our chief.

Max, that's the trailer over
there that raymond went into.

It belongs to gertrude-gerald,

The half-man, half-woman.

Well, we'll just wait
until raymond leaves

And then we'll ask
gertrude-gerald a few questions.

mr. Smart, mr. Smart,

down here.

I'm tiny allen. Mr. Smart,

I understand you're interested
in the circus accidents.

and a little matter
of smuggled diamonds.

Go on.

I don't want raymond
to see me talking to you.

Can you come to my
trailer in about 20 minutes?

I'll have some
information for you.

- I'll be there.
- It's number seven.

Well, 99...

It's time to question
our next suspect.

so my magazine just wants anything
that would be of interest to our readers.

For example,

Does your condition present
any personal problems?

Well, I have trouble
checking into hotels.

Do you enjoy circus life?

- Hmm, I hate it.
- Oh, really? Why?

You meet too many weirdoes.

Besides, people in show
business are too self-centered.

I often work with people
for months and then

When I run into them years
later they don't even say hello.

Well, perhaps they
don't recognize you.

Tell me, gertrude-gerald...

Please, call me gertie-gerry.

All right, gertie-gerry,

What did you do before
you joined the circus?

I was a dance team.

Uh, gertie-gerry, my
readers would like to know

Something about
your personal tastes.

for example,

How do you feel about diamonds?

Diamonds. They don't
mean a thing to me.

Are you absolutely certain that
diamonds mean nothing to you?

Well, diamonds do
have a certain appeal.

They glitter like a
million starry nights.

You know, it's strange that
you should ask about diamonds.

Why?

Well, tiny allen the midget

Was talking about
diamonds just the other day.

In fact... In fact he
offered to give me one.

Did you accept?

Are you kidding?
With him around?

Tell me, what do you
think of the several deaths

That have occurred
in the circus recently?

I ignore such things. I
mind my own business

And devote myself
to my two hobbies.

What are they?

Weightlifting and embroidery.

Well, max, I guess we
better go see tiny allen.

I don't think gertrude-gerald
knows too much.

Don't be too sure
about that, 99.

Did you notice the
expression on their faces

- When I asked about the diamonds?
- Yes.

One of them is lying.

Well, how did it go with
gertrude and gerald?

Oh, they were very nice.

I wonder if you could tell us
where trailer number seven is.

- Tiny allen, the midget?
- Yes.

It's that one, right over there.

Uh, thank you very
much. Come on, 99.

Tiny allen?

Tiny allen.

For a little fellow he's
got a real deep voice.

Max, that's it over
there, number seven.

Oh.

Can hondo help you?

Uh, yes. Well, you see,

I had an appointment with tiny
allen and the door is locked.

Me strongman. Me fix.

Uh!

You know, I had a dentist in the
army that used to work the same way.

That's strange, 99.

All the windows are
locked from the inside too.

Max, look!

He's been shot through
the back at close range.

Hmm, committed su1c1de.

That's impossible, max.

You're right. There's no g*n.

Wait a minute. If all
the doors and windows

Are locked from the inside,
how did the m*rder*r get out?

Well, maybe he was
m*rder*d on the outside

And then slipped in
through this transom.

But then how did
he lock the door?

Simply by turning the key, 99.

Have you ever heard of a case
where a dead man locked a door?

No. Not until now.

There must be some
other explanation.

Maybe we should
question that strongman.

You're right, 99.

He certainly was close by
this trailer when we arrived.

- Come on.
- Right.

Pardon me, hondo, could
I ask you a few questions?

Me hondo.

Circus strongman.

Uh, me maxwell smart.
Magazine reporter.

You certainly do
look strong, hondo.

Hondo can lift
locomotive with one hand.

Really?

Um, do you happen to know
anything about diamonds, hondo?

Hondo can crush
diamonds with teeth.

What kind of a trick is that?

Expensive.

What else does hondo do?

Hondo's greatest trick

Is keeping twin-engine
plane from taking off.

How do you do that?

I break pilot's legs.

That hondo is a brute.

Yes, but fortunately we're
trained to deal with guys like that.

- How, max?
- By trying not to antagonize them.

Well, we're right
back where we started.

Not quite, 99.

Let's take a look
at what we've got:

A dead midget, a chimpanzee,

A strongman who crushes
cameras with his hands,

A half-man, half-woman who
likes embroidery and weightlifting.

It's all beginning
to form a pattern.

Max, you mean you know?

Max, that knife
missed you by inches.

You think it's some
kind of a warning?

Wait a minute, 99.

I've seen that knife
somewhere before. But where?

Max, I know.

Hold it, 99, I'm trying to place the knife.

- But, max, that knife...
- 99, Would you please be quiet?

- You're interrupting my train of thought.
- It's raymond's knife.

There, now you've done
it. Now you've done it.

You've broken my train of
thought when I almost had it.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Raymond's knives had
the same kind of handles.

This must be raymond's knife.

Good thinking, max.

Now that we know who
the knife belongs to,

All we have to
do is to figure out

Who threw it.

Max, it has to be
raymond's knife.

Well, if it is, he's
in a lot of trouble.

- Why?
- He missed me twice.

He could lose his job.

It's no use, 99. We've searched
everywhere and still no diamonds.

I'd better call in. You
keep a sharp lookout.

Right.

- what have you got, max?
- absolutely nothing, chief.

We're drawing a complete blank.

Have you searched everywhere?
Those diamonds have got to be there.

Believe me, chief, we have
searched everywhere.

Except in
the lion's cage.

Why haven't you
searched there, max?

Are you kidding?
There are lions in there!

Max, when you joined control

You knew it would
involve certain risks.

I know, chief, but...

Well, you just can't go
barging into a lion's cage.

They may resent strangers.

Max, I don't expect you
to go into the cage alone.

- Oh.
- take a whip and a chair.

A whip and a chair?

Well, to tell you the truth,
chief, those lions look pretty mean.

I don't think a whip and
a chair will be enough.

What do you have in mind, max?

Uh, well... Does the word
"bazooka" mean anything to you?

Max, we have to have those
diamonds to make an arrest.

It could mean the end of the kaos
smuggling operation once and for all.

Right, chief.

Now, you're just going
to have to go in there

And face those vicious,
hungry, man-eating lions.

- But, max...
- yes, chief?

Don't take any
unnecessary risks.

What did he say, max?

- I've gotta go into the lion's cage.
- Max, you can't do that.

I've got to, 99. It's an order.

And an order is an order.
Nothing can stop me.

Hold it, smart!

Boy, am I glad to see you.

It'll be a pleasure to get rid
of two more control agents.

Wait a minute, hanlon, how did
you know I was a control agent?

Any man who will go
into a lion's cage unarmed

Is either a control
agent or a fool.

Are you sure those
are my only choices?

- All right, drop that chair!
- 99, Duck!

Oh!

All right, hondo. I'm used to
dealing with big ugly apes like you.

Uh, listen, hondo, i...

I hope I wasn't out of line
with that crack about the ape.

So, hanlon,

You're the leader of
this little conspiracy.

That's right, mr. Smart.

Diamonds are so much more
rewarding than press agentry.

Of course I knew from the
first you weren't reporters.

Oh, what made you suspicious?

You asked too many questions.

Of course, I knew that
would give us away.

And now you know
too much to live.

How are you going to
explain our disappearance?

Since accidental death is
not uncommon in the circus,

We'll arrange to have you both
k*lled at tonight's performance.

the highlight of each performance
is when a man is shot from a cannon.

Hondo, prepare mr. Smart
to be the human cannonball.

The human cannonball.

The human cannonball?

So, that's how
you plan to k*ll me.

No, that's how we
dispose of the body.

Oh, that's different.

Listen, hanlon, leave the girl
alone. She doesn't know a thing.

I'm afraid that's
impossible, smart.

We're depending on
your lovely assistant

To be our new lion tamer.

she should survive no
more than 10 seconds

in there with those hungry cats.

Max, I'm scared.

Don't be scared, 99, we
hold the aces in this game.

- What do you mean?
- Just this, hanlon:

In the morning the police will receive a
letter exposing your entire operation,

Which I took the precaution
of writing last night.

I told you he was dangerous.

When the police get this letter,
you'll all go to prison for...

Listen, hondo, you want to make
yourself $10.00? Mail this letter.

Hondo, destroy that letter!

Destroy it!

If it was phone book...

Take them away! Take them!

This isn't fair,
two against one.

Oh, max, I'm afraid this is it.

Hanlon said those lions
haven't been fed in three days.

Oh, I'm sure he's
exaggerating, 99.

They must have sent
out for something.

A sandwich, a doughnut,
piece of strudel.

I hope you're right, max.

Listen, 99...

In case I don't get out
of this alive and you do...

Max, you will get
out of this alive!

Well, just in case I don't, 99,
I'd like you to do me a favor.

I don't want a big funeral.

I'd just like a few of my
close friends to get together

And try to bring
me back to life.

If only we could get
out of these ropes.

- 99, Wait a minute.
- What?

- These glass buttons.
- Max, try it.

Hurry, max, hurry.


Through these ropes like butter.

Max, you don't think...

They're diamonds, 99. Hidden
right out here in plain view.

Max, quick, they're coming.

- Hurry!
- Now listen,

Just keep your hands behind
your back and when we get outside

- We'll make a break for it.
- Right, max.

All right, mr. Smart,

You're about to make your debut

And your farewell
appearance all in one night.

Raymond, cut the ropes.

All right, get up!

- Max...
- Quiet, 99, the show must go on.

Let's go.

Now!

- Oh!
- I'll get him, you get her.

No, I'll get him. You get her.

- Never mind, I'll get them both.
- Right.

Nice going, max!

Oh! Max, it's hondo.

I know it's hondo.

sh**t! sh**t!

No, I don't want to arouse the
crowd inside unless I have to.

- Use your knives!
- No!

Now, look what
you've done, hondo.

You've ruined a
perfectly good crowbar.

Grab him, hondo!

Raymond, throw your knives.

Max!

Missed me by that much.

Twice.

Hondo know why.

No, hondo,
no no no no!

Stop it, hondo, stop!

No!

I'll have to finish
you two off myself.

Take care of these two men.
And take care of this one too.

- 99, Are you all right?
- Chief!

So, this is what
you do at night.

When I didn't hear from you
for six hours, I was afraid

They might try something
at tonight's performance.

Are you all right, max?

Yes, I'm fine, 99,
except for my body.

We found the diamonds, chief.

They were part of raymond
the magnificent's costume.

Good work, 99.

Yes, chief, those three
were part of a kaos g*ng

That was responsible for
the m*rder of those agents.

What about
him? I mean, her?

- I don't know what I mean.
- That's gertrude-gerald,

One of the most insidious
villains I've ever encountered,

With all the cunning of a man

And the strength of a woman.

I think it's the other
way around, max.

Huh? Oh... Eh, yes, right, 99.

All right, gertrude-gerald,
come along.

You played your
last performance.

Wait a minute, chief. Aren't you
gonna frisk her? Uh, him... Uh, them?

Max, we'll take care of
that down at headquarters.

Wait a minute, chief.
Why take any chances?

Why don't we take care
of it right here and now?

Max, it might be a
little embarrassing.

Huh? Oh.

Yes, I see what you
mean, chief. Well,

It's really quite simple,
chief. Here's what we'll do...

I'll frisk gertrude
and you'll frisk gerald.

No, max.

I've got it, chief.

I'll frisk 99 and you frisk
gertrude and gerald.

You wanna frisk me and let
gertrude and gerald frisk each other?

I've got an idea, chief.

Why don't we take them down to
headquarters and frisk them down there?


Loose end to this case.

How did they m*rder tiny
allen in a locked room?

That's what I'm trying
to tell you, chief.

Shh! Here comes your answer now.

It's rudolph the circus mascot.

I'm afraid we're gonna
have to arrest him

As an accessory in the
m*rder of tiny allen.

You're in a lot of
trouble, little fellow.

Max, what are you talking about?

That's what I'm trying to tell you,
chief. Don't you see what happened?

Hanlon m*rder*d the midget,

Then he sent this trained
monkey through the transom,

Had him lock the door
and leave the same way.

That's ingenious, but how
did you know he'd come back?

Because the criminal always
returns to the scene of his crime.

- Kind of a shame though, chief.
- What do you mean?

Well, poor little devil is gonna have
to spend the rest of his life behind bars.